My First Real Binge in Over Three Years

So, I binged last night.

I hadn't been keeping track of how long it had been since my last binge, but I knew it had been sometime in early 2017. That was the year I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started on mood stabilizing medications.

I felt great after starting the meds! And 2017 was the year I decided that I was going to work on living my "happiest life"--doing whatever made me happy and NOT doing whatever didn't make me happy (other than my obligations, of course, like being a chauffeur to the kids and cleaning my house and grocery shopping, etc.).

Living my happiest life seemed to turn off the binge eating disorder. It was like a switch just flipped and I stopped binge eating. Just like that.

Sure, over the last three years I've overeaten. I've eaten for emotional reasons. I've eaten when I wasn't hungry. But those times weren't true binge eating episodes (loss of control). Here is a post about the difference between binge eating and overeating.

Yesterday, I felt... different. I had gotten up at 4:30 AM with Jerry, because I've been trying to regulate my sleep routine. (I had gone to bed before 9:00 the night before!). I felt fine during the morning. Even though I said I wasn't going to, I worked a little on the drywall in the garage. (Even though I was sore, I just couldn't help myself!)

I noticed that at around noon, my energy level just dropped like a giant rock off a cliff. I came in the house and sat down to chill for a little while (watching an old episode of Oprah!) and playing Best Fiends on my phone.

While I was playing, I literally fell asleep. My phone dropped in my lap, startling me awake. A few days ago, I wrote about how I NEVER nap because my body just doesn't fall asleep during the day. Even after only sleeping for a few hours at night, I just cannot nap. A few hours of sleep keeps me wide awake all day.

Well, after my phone dropped, I decided to lie down on the couch for "just a minute" to finish the Oprah episode. I woke up over an hour later when the stupid Honeywell Instant Alert System (an automated message system from my kids' schools) called three times in a row. I was SO TIRED that I just couldn't even move.

I knew I need to get up and make dinner. But I just laid on the couch trying to muster up the will to get up. I'd been planning to make chicken thighs--with skin and bone, something I'd never bought before--pan searing them and then finishing them in the oven; along with steamed broccoli on the side.

Jerry has been interested in intermittent fasting and he watched some film (called FAT on Amazon Prime) about cutting back on carbs. While I love carbs, I wanted to be supportive, so I said I'd try it with him for just a week. (I didn't plan on doing this myself for longer, but I wanted to at least help him get started.)

Side note: Jerry and the kids LOVED the chicken. It was like eating the crispy skin on chicken was a huge treat for them, haha). Again, I felt bad for not cooking things like that before! End side note.

You can see where I'm going here...

I love carbs. My body loves carbs. Giving up carbs is NOT realistic for me to do for the rest of my life, so I shouldn't do it now. Remember my "Golden Rule" for weight loss?). The reason I didn't even write about the plan yet is because I wasn't sure if I could actually do it for a week. I just wanted to make things easier on Jerry.

Well, I knew I was dragging ass yesterday due to lack of carbs for two days. I'd only gotten carbs from vegetables and some berries. My body felt so deprived. And, as has always been the case for me, binge eating follows deprivation.

So, for the first time in over three years, I binged. I went to the party store (corner store a couple of blocks away) and bought ice cream, chips, and Oreos. I hadn't had ice cream in months (for some reason, I've been craving saltier foods like chips rather than sweets for a few months now).

I've been letting my kids have a few Oreos at night for a bedtime treat, and I've stayed away from them. But yesterday, I was on a mission to binge--so I bought my own at the store. (Thankfully, they only had the six-pack of Oreos; if they'd had the larger pack, I would've bought that.)

I came home and ate it all. I ate the ice cream first, and I started feeling better (physically) already. I still felt ashamed to be eating like that. It was humiliating not to be in control. I was still extremely tired, but nothing like I had been earlier.

I ended up staying up until about 11:30 and I woke up at 6:00. I feel fine now, other than the fact that I binged last night. I really didn't want to write about it here, because like I said--I feel ashamed and humiliated that I did that. But I feel like it's an important thing to mention. I broke my own rule.

THAT "rule" is how I lost 125 pounds. I had tried all the diets (including low carb) back in the day and I couldn't stick with anything long enough to lose weight. It was after I decided not to do anything I wasn't willing to do forever that I finally lost the weight. Fourteen months after that decision nearly 11 years ago, I'd lost 125 pounds, and I was eating things I loved. I hadn't given up anything I didn't want to.

Where will I go from here?

Well, I'm going to follow my own goddamn advice. I'm going to eat how I can sustain to eat for the rest of my life. I'm going to start my morning with tea and whatever I feel like having--breakfast has been all over the place lately. I've been wanting sourdough toast, but I can't get my beloved sourdough at the store, because they are always out of it since the quarantine.

I'll eat a small lunch, because I've never been a big lunch person anyway. Always with fruit. I love fruit.

I'll eat dinner that I cook myself (or that I assign the boys to cook, or help them cook). I'll include the vegetables that I like--and I do like a lot of veggies! I'll eat the healthy foods I enjoy--including carbs. I'll skip the foods I don't like.

And I'll eat a treat at night--whether it's salty or sweet, as long as I like it. Something to end the day with something I can look forward to.

That is a sustainable and enjoyable way for me to eat, and it will help me to get back to staying binge-free. I will also try to help Jerry with his eating plan by cooking things that he enjoys as well. I can continue to cook the meat separate from other things, and I can have carbs on the side--so we both can eat what works for us.

And there you have it. The raw, honest, vulnerable, humiliating truth.

On a positive note, Jerry's has the day off from work today, so I think we're going to try to finish drywalling the final wall of the garage. Then we'll need to rent a drywall lift to work on the ceiling! I can't WAIT to get it done :)

I'd also like to go to JoAnn Fabric's in Toledo to get some more fabric for masks. I've had so many requests!

Finally, I'm going to set my goals for the next three days:

*Cook a healthy meal for dinner for the family each day.
*Eat three meals and one "treat" or snack in the evening.
*Get and stay hydrated (I know I haven't been drinking enough water for the amount of work I've been doing in the garage--I can always feel when I'm dehydrated)
*Bonus: Write in my journal each evening, even if it's just a single sentence.

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How I Gained 45 Pounds in 2 Years

I've been writing a lot lately about my "recent" weight gain (I can't even really say "recent" anymore, because it's been over the last couple of years. In December 2017, I was at about 133, my goal weight. Fast forward to now, a few months into 2020, and I'm at 179--the most I've weighed since early 2010.

(If you're new here, you can read about my weight loss and then gains and losses since then here.)

As I've written several times, I've been struggling with this weight gain quite a bit lately. I've been doing a lot of introspection about why I've gained so much weight in the last couple of years, and I'm pretty sure I've narrowed it down. (I wrote about finally facing the scale here)

Here is a photo from December 2017 versus now:

Thoughts on my reasons for weight gain:

Mainly--Stress. I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself, but also with Jerry's change in work schedule, my life was thrown for a huge loop and I feel extremely overwhelmed much of the time.

Actually, "overwhelmed" couldn't be a more fitting word for what I felt in 2019.

When Jerry's work schedule changed, he started working straight days instead of swing shift (where he would work nights for a month, followed by days for a month, and repeat). When he would work nights, I got a lot of help from him as far as driving the kids around; but when he switched to day shift, I've been doing it all myself, and I feel like I live in my car. (The Covid quarantine has changed things, but I'll get to that.)

I also used to get time to myself in the evenings. The kids would go to bed at 10:00 pm, and Jerry would be working nights, so I'd have time to do what I wanted--watch TV, read a book, work on my blog or a craft, etc. When he switched to day shift, he's home every evening. (No, we don't have to spend that time together--but I really do like spending time with him! Now, I've resorted to staying up way too late after he goes to bed.)

I have always struggled with insomnia, too. But it has gotten so much worse since he's been sleeping in the bed with me every day. Jerry sleeps like a rock the second his head hits the pillow; but I toss and turn all night. I never realized (until recently) just how much the lack of quality sleep affects me.

I was starting to feel like I was reaching a breaking point just before the Covid outbreak. I was really getting concerned for my mental health, because I was feeling so stressed and overwhelmed... and I was eating to make myself feel better. Ice cream was my way to de-stress, and it (clearly) wreaked havoc on my weight.

I had also quit drinking for all of 2019 as a challenge to myself--because drinking wine would help me relax, and I didn't want it to become a problem--and when I quit drinking, I started eating more to fill that "void".

Until a couple of years ago, I never felt stress like I did the past couple of years. Yes, there were periods where I felt overwhelmed as a mom and wife; but those passed in a relatively short amount of time. The past two years, however, have just kept going and going.

This Covid quarantine, as horrible as it is--please understand that I am not at all trying to trivialize how devastating this has been for all of the thousands of people that have been affected--has changed things quite a bit as far as my stress levels go. Because I am at home all day, I finally feel the freedom to do things I really enjoy without feeling like a bad mom or wife or daughter or sister or aunt.

This quarantine isn't going to last forever (at least I hope not!) so I'm taking advantage of the de-stressing while I can. I am doing crafts I enjoy, binge watching TV shows that have been on my list forever, playing games on my phone, and pretty much anything I feel like doing. My house isn't as clean as it probably should be, and the laundry piles up for a couple of days before I finally wash a load.

But I don't feel nearly the amount of stress that I did a couple of months ago. Back then, I kept thinking that I just needed time to stop for a while so I could just take a break and breathe before going again. And this is that break.

Still, I'm not making any progress to drop the weight I've gained. I think this is because I got so used to changing my good habits into bad habits over the last two years that I'm having a hard time getting back to those good habits.

In 2009-2010, it took a long time for me to develop those good habits! At first, I was still eating junk food, but I was eating less of it because I was willing to sacrifice food quantity in order to shed the pounds. Eventually, as I tried new foods in order to reduce the number of calories I was eating, I started to gravitate to healthier options (I still ate junk food, but most of the time I was eating relatively healthy).

I started eating oatmeal all the time, and I LOVED it; I ate fruit with lunch every day; I cooked a "normal" dinner and divided it into four portions, and then ate only one portion; I learned to love certain vegetables, particularly when roasting them; I never did learn to love salad or yogurt, but I still try them from time to time in order to see if that's changed. I even developed the habit of sticking to a running schedule, no matter what else I had going on. No excuses.

They were strong habits that developed when I didn't even notice.

Over the past two years or so, I've undone all of those habits that took me at least a year to develop. I don't like the thought of oatmeal for breakfast, or tuna sandwiches for lunch, or a piece of fruit for a snack. Cooking and meal planning have not been at the top of my priority list because those things are stressful to me.

Several people have suggested having my kids and Jerry cook once a week, and I like that idea. The kids need to learn that stuff anyway, and now is the perfect time for it.

Today, I wrote a meal plan for the week (I'm starting a new 3-3-1 plan on Sunday), and Jerry went grocery shopping. (I have to admit, it was SO HARD for me to let him do it--I am such a control freak--but he did great! I gave him a very specific list and he probably did it faster than I would have, haha.) And I have a couple of meals on there that I will have the kids cook.

So, to answer the question, in a nutshell, of how I gained about 45 pounds in the last 2 years:

1) Life changes as we get older. And I wasn't prepared to change with it.
2) I didn't learn how to manage stress in ways other than eating.
3) I stopped making time for myself, which only made me feel overwhelmed and unhappy.

Whether you can relate to this or not, I don't know. I just wanted to share my introspections and observations as to what caused this radical weight gain.

I feel desperate to gain control over my habits again, and I think I need to start by controlling my stress in healthy ways. I know that running has always helped with stress and anxiety, so starting my training plan for the Detroit Half will be helpful. Even though I know I'm not going to want to hop out of bed and into my running clothes, I will feel a million times better after getting in that run.

Making time for myself is crucial, and even after this quarantine, I am going to make sure to set aside time to do whatever I want--even if it's just binge watching a TV show.

Also, I felt really good about myself when I took the time to do my hair and make-up recently (and dress in something other than stretchy black pants and an oversized sweatshirt). When I need a boost, I can make sure to do that again. (It's not always practical, depending on what I'm doing that day--when I work in the garage, I end up pulling my hair up in a messy bun and wearing my "painting" clothes that I don't mind getting dirty.)

I really like the 3-3-1 approach (setting some goals to accomplish for just three days... then resetting and doing another three day session... and then taking a day off before starting over again). I don't know how long it will help going forward, but I can't believe the difference in my mood when I did the first round--I felt fantastic!

I know a lot of you are in the same boat I am, having lost a large amount of weight and then gaining some (or all) of it back--and I thank you so much for sharing that with me!--so hopefully we can get back to our healthy habits together. Identify the problem and look for ways to solve it!

Continue Reading...

Finally Facing the Scale

I'm really going to be vulnerable in this post, so please be respectful (and I know you will--my biggest cheerleaders are people I've never even met!)

I'm also not looking for dieting advice. This is just an introspection on my part. Anyway, with that said...

When I lost 125 pounds back in 2009-2010, I never imagined that this is where I'd be today. Until a minute ago, I didn't even have any current photos of myself to share because I haven't taken any in months. So, I just now went into the bathroom to take a selfie.

This is my "quarantine uniform"--black stretchy pants and a baggy sweatshirt. (At least my hair is clean... I just got out of the shower)

Back in 2010, after having lost 125 pounds, I was ecstatic. I was wearing a size 4, which is something I never even thought was possible. I had started running--first just 30 seconds or so, and then minutes, and then double digit minutes, and eventually, I was following a 10K program. The October before I reached 125 pounds lost, I ran my first 10K race at a 9:23/mile pace. That was just about five months after I started running!

I felt in complete control of my eating habits and my weight. I was still scared to death of gaining the weight back, but I think that's normal for anyone who loses a large amount of weight. I had planned to continue counting Weight Watchers Points for as long as I needed.

A big change that happened at that time was when I broke my jaw. It really screwed up my eating habits and caused a HUGE restrict/binge cycle afterward. When my jaw was broken, my jaw was wired shut so I couldn't open my teeth at all. I had to have nothing but liquids for SIX WEEKS.

I had a lot of smoothies and puréed soups. When the wires came off, I still had a hard time opening my mouth, and it took me forever just to eat a few minuscule bites of food, but I wanted to eat it ALL--cookies with frosting, ice cream, pizza, all the things I missed out on for so long.

It didn't take long at all for my weight to jump back up. And from then on, I had SUCH a hard time committing to getting back to counting my Weight Watchers Points.

And you know the story from there... I started Runs for Cookies in April of 2011, when I was getting back up in the mid-140's.

For the next seven years or so, you know I've had more ups and downs with my weight than Oprah. Until a couple of years ago, though, I felt I had it under control for the most part. I never imagined that I would be here, right now, weighing 179 pounds.

Yes, folks. One hundred seventy nine pounds. 179.

I would scream in caps lock, "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" But I know when it happened. It happened each time I made the choice to "start tomorrow" or "just this once won't make a difference". It happened when I decided to go against my "Golden Rule for Weight Loss" a couple of times.

It is terrifying for me to admit that number on the scale. I'm extremely embarrassed and I feel like a failure to myself. I worked SO DAMN HARD for so long to lose the weight and then to keep it off.

And the part I feel worst about is that Jerry had gained right along with me. I make most of the food choices in the house (I choose what to cook for dinner, I do the grocery shopping, I ask him to pick up pizza on his way home sometimes after I've had a busy day.) He's at his heaviest in 10 years as well.

We have said several times that we "need to get it together" and "make a plan". We'll do good for a day or two, but then it's right back to where we were before.

When I was losing 125 pounds, I was thrilled with the little goals I set for myself--hitting new "decades" of weight loss--the 240's, 230's, 220's, and so on. And you know what? When I reached 179 pounds (today's weight) back then, I was ecstatic! Getting under 180 was such an enormous accomplishment.

I want to feel that way again. Ideally, I would wipe my slate totally clean, not looking at the past at all, and just start from here. Today my weight is 179. Maybe next week, it'll be 177--and that's something to get excited about. Maybe in a month, I'll see 169.

Even if I don't lose weight, I want to at least feel like I'm giving it my best. I don't want to cheat myself. I know it will be hard to adjust to eating differently again. But there is no better time than now, with this "Stay At Home" order (which was just extended to April 30th).

Something else I did a lot of when I was losing weight was to use my hands a lot--playing cards, knitting, crocheting, etc. That kept me mindless snacking.

I also used to get my runs done first thing in the morning, so their weren't weighing over my head all day. It helped me feel so good! I used to run before I even ate breakfast. I miss being a morning person.

I know that this post is sounding very repetitious. I write a post like this about once a month or two months, with goals and plans for getting my weight back down. I want this to be different.

Instead of challenging myself to 90 days, or a month, or even a week, I'm going to challenge myself for just three days. For the next three days:

*Drink a quart of water immediately when waking up. Get dressed in running clothes.
*Run 2 miles, starting within 30 minutes of waking up.
*Count calories on Cronometer.
*Take Joey for a two mile walk.
*Knit, crochet, do a puzzle, play a game, or anything else that is "hands on" in the evenings to avoid snacking.
*Cook a family dinner each day.
*Get dressed in "real" clothes and do my hair and make-up every day. Even though I'm not going anywhere, it makes me feel better about myself.
(Bonus): Write in a journal. I'm not sure I'll be able to stick with this one, but I will try. Maybe if I make it a routine to do while I eat breakfast after my run.

FOR JUST THREE DAYS, I should be able to do this! My hope is that I'll feel good enough to want to continue. If I can eventually get a two-week streak going, I just might be able to go long-term. It's just starting that's the hard part.

Just like running, once you get your foot out the door, it's not so bad.

I want to do this. I need to do this. I'm tired of feeling bad about "letting myself go". The number on the scale was a shocker (but again, not really--I'm certainly not invincible to junk food!)

I'll revisit this after three days and we'll see how it goes!

Continue Reading...

The "Golden Rule" That Helped Me Lose 125 Pounds

When losing weight, everybody asks how you're doing it. It's inevitable. And everybody wants to hear the special secret to it. Eating nothing but lettuce? Eating pounds of bacon and zero carbs? Eating only red fruits, green veggies, and white meat? Consuming nothing but coffee and smoking cigarettes? Dancing around a fire in the woods at midnight every day of the week?

I could always see that the spark of interest in their eyes while they asked the question was immediately extinguished when I said that I was just eating less food. (And eventually, exercising--I started exercising after I'd lost 60 pounds.)

I used to be just like them. I read every single success story, every single weight loss book and magazine, watched weight loss shows like The Biggest Loser... constantly looking for the special secret that I could do.

I tried all the diets, and I never stuck with them long enough to see results.

On August 19, 2009, I had an epiphany. It was the first day of yet another attempt to lose weight. I made an important decision after that first day of my (eventual) 125-pound weight loss. It's kind of funny how it came about...

There are very few foods that I dislike. I am willing to try eating anything at all, several times over. One food that I've tried umpteenth times is yogurt--I hate yogurt! I've tried all the flavors, all the types, and there is just something about it that I cannot stand.

I also don't love salad. I don't "hate" it like I do yogurt--sometimes I'll go through phases where I really like it and eat it for a few weeks--but I am definitely not a salad person. You will never see me go to a restaurant and order a salad.

Well, never say never...

(I must have been in a phase! But if I DO order a salad, it'll always be a caesar)

So, you know what I did my very first day of losing weight on August 19, 2009?

I ate both of those foods! I gagged down yogurt, because hey, it's "healthy" and that's what you're "supposed to eat". For lunch or dinner, I can't remember which, I ate salad. I'm sure that I wasn't in a salad mood and I probably gagged that down as well. WHY?

That night, when I was thinking about how much I hated trying to lose weight, and how badly I wanted to quit, it occurred to me that I hated it so much because I ate foods I didn't enjoy and I didn't eat the foods that I do enjoy. It seems completely backwards. Of course losing weight was miserable!

I decided that day that I wasn't going to do it anymore. I wasn't going to eat foods I hated just to lose weight. If I lost the weight by eating yogurt and salad, I would likely have to do that forever to maintain the weight loss. And that sounded miserable to me.

Another instance from that summer was when my friend asked me if I wanted to audition for The Biggest Loser with her. Even though I was fatter than I'd ever been, I said no. I was desperate to lose weight, but I was NOT willing to exercise for eight hours a day and eat next to nothing in order to drop 5+ pounds a week.

I told her that if you lose the weight that way, the only way to maintain it is to continue to do that. Your body will get so used to it that you'll have to continue. And of course I would burn out. I knew for sure that even if I auditioned, and was chosen, and hell, even if I WON the show, I would never be able to maintain that lifestyle. And I didn't want to live in misery for months on end while losing the weight.

Between those two instances, it finally hit me that I had been doing it all wrong for all of those years. Every time I attempted to lose the weight, I made changes that I hated. I tried doing tough workout videos, I tried eating yogurt and salad, I tried cutting out carbs, I even did a 10-day "master cleanse" where I consumed nothing but water with lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. I could lose the weight in any of those ways if I stuck to them (I lost 16 pounds from the master cleanse, but a month later, I was right back to where I was before), but I certainly couldn't do those things forever.

I guess technically, I *could* do them forever... so that is why I chose to word my newfound "golden rule" the way I did:

Don't make changes you're not willing to do for the rest of your life.

This is something I've talked about and written about from the beginning of my weight loss, and it's probably been the biggest key to my weight loss and (semi) maintenance. Whenever people ask for my weight loss advice, the first thing I say is "Don't make any changes you're not willing to do for the rest of your life."

That sentence says so much and so little at the same time. I don't think I've ever written a post that really explains how and why that became my golden rule and how it helped me to stay determined to lose the weight, so that's why I chose to write about this.

I could certainly use a reminder myself right now! ;)

From that day forward, it was my golden rule. It's tempting sometimes to try all the new fad diets that everybody seems to be doing, but I just don't want to live like that. I want to enjoy my life!

(This is a reason I never wanted to get weight loss surgery, either. Eating tiny portions of food and getting sick every time I ate something I wasn't supposed to--for the rest of my life--was just not something I was willing to do.)

My golden rule made the process of losing weight more enjoyable. I don't want to say it was "easy" (nothing about losing weight is easy), but it made the process easier, enough to make me stick to it for the long term.

I was willing to eat smaller portions. I was willing to eat healthier things during the day if I could still have something for a "treat" at night--dessert or wine or something like that. I was willing to eat out less and cook more.

I was NOT willing to give up carbs. I was not willing to give up any foods that I enjoyed. I was not willing to force myself to exercise (at the time; I later wanted to do it). I was not willing to eat differently than my family (i.e. "special" foods for me while they ate "regular" foods).

And what a shocker--it actually worked!

I didn't have to do or eat anything I didn't want to, and I didn't have to give up things that I love. I only made changes that I was willing to do for the rest of my life, if need be.

It's such a hard thing to do when there is advice everywhere online--what to eat and what not to eat, what's the "best" diet for weight loss, what's the "healthiest" way to eat, etc. I try not to let that get in my head. The only thing I've ever been able to stick with long term (10 years now) is doing what is feels best for ME.

And I like ice cream. A LOT.

The things that I'm willing or not willing to do may change here and there, but that doesn't matter. As long as I stay true to my golden rule, I can enjoy my lifestyle.

It's so hard to believe it's been over 10 years since I had that epiphany. But I know that if I hadn't, I would have failed at that attempt at losing weight just as surely as I had all the other times. I found a better way. And it worked.

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A Blog Series of Favorite Posts #8: My Most Popular Posts (and a little about blogging)

This is the final post in my series of "Favorite Posts", I promise ;)  This one is a little different, because it's not about MY favorite posts. These are the most popular posts I've had since starting Runs for Cookies in 2011.

Sometimes I'm surprised by what people choose to read and sometimes I'm surprised by what people choose *not* to read. Either way, it's interesting! Sometimes, I'll crank out a post in two hours and it gets more page views than any post I've written in over a year; other times, I'll spend 16+ HOURS on a post (over a period of days, not all at once), and not many people read it. I guess it all balances out in the end!

A little about blogging...

The part that takes the most time (for me) is actually adding photos. When I first started blogging, I would just take a photo and upload it, which didn't take much time at all. Then people started stealing pics of me (before and after photos) and using them for selling weight loss pills or other things, so I started watermarking them.

Then a few years ago, I learned that I should have been resizing the photos before posting; when I post the high resolution original, it takes much longer to load and takes up more storage. I also learned I should have been "optimizing" them--I'm still not sure what this does, but I guess it makes it a little better for page loading or something?

So now, I spend time choosing photos to use on posts; then cropping and resizing them; adding watermarks on photos with people in them; optimizing them; and then adding them to the post. There is a way to do this as a batch, but I don't like to do that because I like to crop each photo differently or put the watermark in different spots. And sometimes, like in this series, I'll add a title photo. In other words, it takes a while!

As you know if you've been reading a while, my posts are usually (well, pretty much always) lengthy. Once I start writing, I tend to get off on tangents and I basically write the same way that I think. As I think about something, I write it.

Before I click the "publish" button, I always read the post once or twice to check for errors (and I'm sure I miss a lot anyway!). I'm a slow reader, so reading my lengthy posts takes time, too.

For those of you that continue to read, thank you! My blog has gone in a thousand directions over the years, so for whatever reason you read, I appreciate it very much.

When I started blogging, it wasn't for an "audience"--it was basically just an online journal so that I could keep tabs on my weight loss/maintenance. But over the years, I've gotten to know so many readers online and/or in person that I feel like I'm writing to share things with friends. It's great!

I was planning to include photos and descriptions of each of the following posts, but today is my birthday and I decided I want to just watch movies and play board games today with the family. So, I'm just posting the list. Here are the ten most popular posts over the last (almost) nine years...


My Most Popular Posts (for Whatever Reason):

• Calories vs. Weight Watchers Smart Points Comparison
• A Scary First Step!
• What I Wish I Knew When I Started Losing Weight
• How I've Stayed Binge-Free for Six Months (and Counting...)
• Week 1, Day 5
• The Heaviest I've Been in 8 Years: A Reality Check on the Scale
• How Did You Lose the Weight?
• Day 2 Post-Op (With a Pic)
• Six-Month Half-Marathon Training Plan (for Beginners)
• A Sobering Weight Gain Photo

Continue Reading...

A Blog Series of Favorite Posts #7: Fun Posts!

For the next week or so, I'm going to do a series of posts--I will share my favorite "oldies but goodies" from the past.

As you know, I LOVE writing lists. This is one I've been wanting to write for a long time, but it requires so much thought that I just have such a hard time deciding what to include on it! I have a lot of favorite posts over the years (as well as very cringey ones--maybe I'll do a list of those soon). I'd have to wear a paper bag over my head out of embarrassment ;)

As of the last few years, there have been lots of different categories on my blog: weight loss/gain/loss/gain; running; DIY/home improvement; mental health/illness; crafts; and just daily life in general. So, I think I'll separate these into categories to avoid having too many "favorite" posts in just one category.

I'll post just a few per day, so if you choose, you'll have time to read the posts. If I post them all at once, it would be way too overwhelming!

At the end, I will also include my most popular posts (which will likely be entirely different from my favorite posts) in case anyone is curious about those. First, though, my favorites...



Fun Posts


14 of my Favorite Memories with Jerry (for Our 14th Wedding Anniversary)

This is pretty self-explanatory. But I have happy, sad, and funny memories that I've shared in this post after being married for 14 years at the time.

Mother's Intuition

One day, Noah got a splinter. One Urgent Care Visit, three emergency rooms, two x-rays, an ultrasound, a boot, and crutches later... I finally demanded someone listen to me and do something about it. And you won't believe what we found!

A Little of My History

Here, I basically share "my story" in a nutshell: growing up overweight and binge eating to help with depression, how pregnancy affected my weight, and what made me finally lose the weight. If you're curious how "I" came to be who I am today, here is a little of my history.

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A Blog Series of Favorite Posts #6: Travel

For the next week or so, I'm going to do a series of posts--I will share my favorite "oldies but goodies" from the past.

As you know, I LOVE writing lists. This is one I've been wanting to write for a long time, but it requires so much thought that I just have such a hard time deciding what to include on it! I have a lot of favorite posts over the years (as well as very cringey ones--maybe I'll do a list of those soon). I'd have to wear a paper bag over my head out of embarrassment ;)

As of the last few years, there have been lots of different categories on my blog: weight loss/gain/loss/gain; running; DIY/home improvement; mental health/illness; crafts; and just daily life in general. So, I think I'll separate these into categories to avoid having too many "favorite" posts in just one category.

I'll post just a few per day, so if you choose, you'll have time to read the posts. If I post them all at once, it would be way too overwhelming!

At the end, I will also include my most popular posts (which will likely be entirely different from my favorite posts) in case anyone is curious about those. First, though, my favorites...


Travel


The Evolution of a First Time Bikini Wearer

Until 2014, I'd never worn a bikini in my life. And when I went to Punta Cana with my family in August 2014, I decided to bring a bikini because what were the odds I'd run into anyone I knew? I wanted to at least pretend to be one of those confident overweight women. I was (I think) about 150 pounds at at the time--so I wasn't even at a thin weight! But each day felt a little different as I wore it, and I wrote about the changes in this post.

Getting Over My Fear of Flying: The Hard Way

This is actually just the intro to my "Travel" page. From the time I was 15 until I was 28, I didn't fly on an airplane. I was terrified of flying, even though I'd done it a few times before. The irony is that my brother is a pilot! But I would have panic attacks even in the flight simulator when he took me in (a training simulator for NorthWest--now Delta). One day, after losing 100 pounds, I forced myself to face my fear--in the most unimaginable way possible!

Family Trip Through Six States in One Day!

This was memorable for SO many reasons, but the biggest one is something really silly, actually. Years ago, we used to watch the Food Network channel once in a while, and the kids and I liked a show about food challenges (I forget what it was called). On one episode, they featured "The Vermonster" at the Ben & Jerry's headquarters factory in Waterbury, Vermont. Eli and I share the same sweet tooth, and we said, "Someday we're going to go to Vermont and order a Vermonster!"

Well, we made it happen in 2018. We took a trip out east, mainly for Boston, MA, Salem, MA, and Portland, ME. To hit up some extra states, we drove through several others since we were so close. It was a fun trip--Jerry and I had a blast with the kids!

Tomorrow's favorite posts topic will be "Fun Posts"--hopefully interesting ;)

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A Blog Series of Favorite Posts #5: Budgeting/Debt

For the next week or so, I'm going to do a series of posts--I will share my favorite "oldies but goodies" from the past.

As you know, I LOVE writing lists. This is one I've been wanting to write for a long time, but it requires so much thought that I just have such a hard time deciding what to include on it! I have a lot of favorite posts over the years (as well as very cringey ones--maybe I'll do a list of those soon). I'd have to wear a paper bag over my head out of embarrassment ;)

As of the last few years, there have been lots of different categories on my blog: weight loss/gain/loss/gain; running; DIY/home improvement; mental health/illness; crafts; and just daily life in general. So, I think I'll separate these into categories to avoid having too many "favorite" posts in just one category.

I'll post just a few per day, so if you choose, you'll have time to read the posts. If I post them all at once, it would be way too overwhelming!

At the end, I will also include my most popular posts (which will likely be entirely different from my favorite posts) in case anyone is curious about those. First, though, my favorites...


Budgeting/Debt


How My Family Paid Off $14,000 of Credit Debt in 14 Months on a Varied Income

Jerry and I don't make a predictable income; his income is based on how much overtime he picks up and mine is based on all sorts of things (like how much advertisers are paying at certain times of the year). We were $14,000 in credit debt in 2017, and once I felt stable on my bipolar meds, I decided to write a budget and stick to it.

I was very strict in sticking to it (and it was unlike any other budget I'd done before, but it worked! We paid off our debt and we are still following the budget. It takes off a TON of stress from worrying about money. This post explains ALL the details of how we did it, including our own budget.

Why I Became A Stay-At-Home Mom

This subject is, by far, the one I get the most flack about from "haters". I can't count the number of times I've read, "Why don't you get a real job?" Well, this post explains it all (not that I feel I owe an explanation). I'm very happy with being a stay-at-home mom and it works well for our family. Before asking that question, I'd suggest reading this post.

Salvation Army Finds

I happen to LOVE secondhand stores like the Salvation Army (although, they are very expensive now compared to what they used to be!). But you can still snag lots of good deals if you take the time to look through the bazillion clothing items that aren't in any particular size order. On this post, I reveal some clothes that I picked up at Salvation Army that day... spending about the same on ALL of them as I would on a new pair of jeans from Kohl's.

I hope that you are enjoying this series and it's not too redundant! It's been fun going through old posts :)

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A Blog Series of Favorite Posts #3: Running

For the next week or so, I'm going to do a series of posts--I will share my favorite "oldies but goodies" from the past.

As you know, I LOVE writing lists. This is one I've been wanting to write for a long time, but it requires so much thought that I just have such a hard time deciding what to include on it! I have a lot of favorite posts over the years (as well as very cringey ones--maybe I'll do a list of those soon). I'd have to wear a paper bag over my head out of embarrassment ;)

As of the last few years, there have been lots of different categories on my blog: weight loss/gain/loss/gain; running; DIY/home improvement; mental health/illness; crafts; and just daily life in general. So, I think I'll separate these into categories to avoid having too many "favorite" posts in just one category.

I'll post just a few per day, so if you choose, you'll have time to read the posts. If I post them all at once, it would be way too overwhelming!

At the end, I will also include my most popular posts (which will likely be entirely different from my favorite posts) in case anyone is curious about those. First, though, my favorites...


Running

The Importance of the Easy Run

If there is ONE running post that you read on my blog, it should be this one. It's SO important! As a certified running coach, I can't stress enough how important it is to take your easy runs at a super easy effort. This post explains the hows and whys. I got SO MUCH FASTER when I started doing my easy runs at a super easy pace (11:00+ per mile, when I was training for a 7:55/mi pace for an upcoming 10K).

5 Things I Miss About Running

I wrote this post not too long ago, when I still wasn't running but was really missing it. It was writing this post and really thinking about the things I missed about running that inspired me to start again. It wasn't until a month later, but I did it--I ran three days a week for 13 weeks straight! I have since taken a couple of weeks off, but Monday starts a new plan. I'll write about that soon. And I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to it! When I need a little boost of why I choose to "torture" myself by running, I remember this post and why I actually do love the sport.

Shamrock 'n' Roll 10K Race Report

Normally, I wouldn't include a race report on this list, but this was the most shocked I've ever been during a race and I was stunned for days afterward! I don't want to spoil it if you haven't read it, but this is a fun post to read.

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A Blog Series of Favorite Posts #2: Mental Health/Illness

For the next week or so, I'm going to do a series of posts--I will share my favorite "oldies but goodies" from the past.

As you know, I LOVE writing lists. This is one I've been wanting to write for a long time, but it requires so much thought that I just have such a hard time deciding what to include on it! I have a lot of favorite posts over the years (as well as very cringey ones--maybe I'll do a list of those soon). I'd have to wear a paper bag over my head out of embarrassment ;)

As of the last few years, there have been lots of different categories on my blog: weight loss/gain/loss/gain; running; DIY/home improvement; mental health/illness; crafts; and just daily life in general. So, I think I'll separate these into categories to avoid having too many "favorite" posts in just one category.

I'll post just a few per day, so if you choose, you'll have time to read the posts. If I post them all at once, it would be way too overwhelming!

At the end, I will also include my most popular posts (which will likely be entirely different from my favorite posts) in case anyone is curious about those. First, though, my favorites...

Mental Health/Illness


Freeing Myself of the Anxiety of Social Media

I love love love this post. This is one of the most vulnerable posts I've ever written, spilling more about myself than ever before. And not giving a shit what others think of me! This post explains exactly how social media destroyed my life for a while and how I started taking back control. I still feel some of the feelings I wrote about here, but nothing like I used to. If you worry about what others think of you, definitely read this post!

7 Life Changes I've Made in Pursuit of Happiness

Once I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2017 and I started the correct medication for the first time in my life, I started a pursuit to my happiest life. I have so much to be grateful for! I tried to stop focusing on the negative and I pushed myself out of my comfort zone in order to pursue happiness. I'm a happier person today because of it. If you're struggling with depression, or just not feeling happy in general, I suggest reading this and trying out anything that jumps out at you.

A "Crazy" New Chapter in My Life

This is a doozy of a post, and I was terrified to write it. However, I got so many answers for the mental illness issues I was having, and I hoped that by writing it, I'd possibly help others who were going through something similar. I felt extremely vulnerable posting it (as I always do with mental illness) but I got SO much support that it remains one of my favorite posts to date.

Mental health/illness is a passion of mine, because it's something I've dealt with for my entire life. I am always open to talking/writing about it, so please feel free to ask me questions. I have other posts about it on my Mental Health page.

Tomorrows topic: Running! I hope you are enjoying reading these oldie but good posts.

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A Blog Series of Favorite Posts #1: Weight Loss

For the next week or so, I'm going to do a series of posts--I will share my favorite "oldies but goodies" from the past. I've written well over 2,000 posts on this blog, and there are some that I remember more than others. I don't expect anyone to go back and read my entire blog, but I thought I'd at least share my favorite highlights!

As you know, I LOVE writing lists. A list of my favorite posts is one I've been wanting to write for a long time, but it requires so much thought that I just have such a hard time deciding what to include on it! I have a lot of favorite posts over the years (as well as very cringey ones--maybe I'll do a list of those soon). I'd have to wear a paper bag over my head out of embarrassment ;)

As of the last few years, there have been lots of different categories on my blog: weight loss/gain/loss/gain; running; DIY/home improvement; mental health/illness; budgeting; and just daily life in general. So, I think I'll separate these into categories to avoid having too many "favorite" posts in just one category.

I'll post just a few per day, so if you choose, you'll have time to read the posts. If a topic doesn't interest you, just skip it! If I post them all at once, it would be way too overwhelming.

At the end, I will also include my most popular posts (which will likely be entirely different from my favorite posts) in case anyone is curious about those. First, though, my favorites...


Series Post #1: Weight Loss


The Difference Between Motivation and Determination

This post explains why motivation will not make us lose a lot of weight (something I learned the hard way several times over), and especially not keep it off! We are always looking for motivation to do it, but the answer is in determination--and there is a big difference between the two. If you're struggling to find "motivation", I suggest reading this post. While I obviously don't have everything figured out, I think this is helpful to see the difference, at least.

What I Wish I Knew Before I Started Losing Weight

Believe it or not, weight loss will not take away depression or anxiety, cause you to have tons of friends, to be the life of the party, nor will it really change much of your life in general. There are positives and negatives (and I will be the first to say that the positives outweigh the negatives!), but there are lots of things I wish I'd known before I lost the weight. This post explains it in my own perspective. (And if you didn't notice, the "perspective" below is of myself--looking at myself--years later, haha)

100 Ways My Life Changed When I Lost 100 Pounds

Aside from the numbers on the scale, I noticed some amazing differences ("non-scale victories"). They felt more important than the number itself. This posts just lists the changes I noticed after losing 100 pounds (or even less in a lot of cases). If you're feeling discouraged that you're not seeing the scale drop, perhaps some of these will inspire you to keep going. 

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Hope you enjoy reading them :)  Tomorrow I'll share some more. Thanks for reading!

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