Post-Race Blues (a reader question)

I was looking for something to post today and I re-discovered a folder in my email called "Blog Post Ideas"--they are ideas that were submitted by readers. At the time I made it, I had every intention of writing about each of them--and then, being me, I completely forgot the folder was even there.

So, I started looking through them today, and there was one from 2019(!) about "post-race blues" and how to get motived to start running again after a big race is over. Since I was just writing yesterday about how I just don't feel motivated to run right now, I thought it might be a helpful post (for myself, even).

In 2016, I ran a personal best 10K and I felt on top of the world. I had trained SO HARD for that time. The previous fall, I was running an 11:00 minute mile for a 10K and my goal (for April) was to run a 7:55 minute mile pace. Sounded completely impossible.

But I trained my ass off, even losing 40 pounds in the process. And on race day, I did it! I was so happy and relieved that all of my training had paid off.

And you know what? That was the last time I felt *truly* excited about racing. After that, I didn't care about my speed or distance, or even running races ever again. I had reached that big goal and I didn't really have another desire to reach new distances or speeds. I wanted to keep running, but more for exercise/hobby/fun than anything.

I wish I could say that it has changed over time, but it honestly hasn't. I go through phases where I really enjoy running and other times, phases where I want to quit for good (right now, I have no desire to run). The point is, though, I had the post-race blues after that 10K for a long time. I actually went into a pretty deep depression for nearly a year--at which time I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar.

I felt like I just didn't have anything to look forward to after crushing my goal. I'd worked so hard that I never wanted to try to better my time once again. I've only run a few races since then and I haven't truly *raced* any of them. In 2018, I gained a lot of weight back because I just couldn't find that drive I used to have--not just racing, but in diet as well. 

I replied to the reader who had sent me the question--I said that I'm not "credible" to give advice about getting motivation back to keep running because I hadn't yet gotten there myself. I said that once I figured it out, I would be sure to write about it.

And here we are, almost four years later... do I have the right advice? Unfortunately, no.

This is where I am hoping some other people can jump in and give their own advice for getting back to running after the "post-race blues". I'm in a bit of a pickle (totally my fault) right now because I have a 10K race in two weeks and I'm not even close to ready for it. I don't know whether to go try to run it and do my best or just go and cheer Nathan on while he runs it (we hadn't planned to stick together through the race itself--he's much faster than I).

Basically, I want to WANT to run. There were times where I was excited to train because I could see myself improving. There were times that I switched up training methods to keep things interesting. I coached cross country and hoped that would motivate me; I've read running books and I've listened to running podcasts to no avail. I just can't get back that full-force drive I used to push me to train. Or if I wasn't training for a race, I ran anyway.

In my heyday, if someone would have asked, I would have suggested:

*Pick a new race to train for.
*Set new goals for either distance or speed (not both at the same time)
*Check out some running motivation (I wrote a whole post about my running motivators here)
*Try a different training method (if you're used to training by speed, then try heart rate training; if you're used to training by distance, try running shorter distances but faster; etc.)
*Pick a running plan that is different than anything you've done before; there is something about the fresh, new start that is a pick-me-up
*Take a short break from running and try another sport--or maybe even set your sights on a triathlon.
*Make it fun with friends by signing up for a race like a Ragnar Relay (that's the race that I did with a team in the film 'From Fat to Finish Line').
*Get together with a friend and train for another race together--even if you don't have plans to run a personal best.
*Sometimes just looking through past race photos helps!

As you can see, I have ideas. They just haven't panned out for me--either due to excuses, laziness, lack of interest, or inability due to injury or something like that. 

So, Friends, I ask you now... what would your advice be? I want to know for myself as much as for the reader who asked the question! (A million years ago) Thanks :)

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Where I Find My Running Motivation

(Just beware, I'm going to pepper this post--liberally--with more of my favorite running photos!)

I always hesitate to use the word "motivation" because if you've been reading my blog for any time at all, then you know that I hate that word. (Here is a post explaining the difference between motivation and determination, and why I don't really like using the word "motivation").

In short, though, I think that motivation has its place. I believe that motivation is temporary and short-lived. That's why it's so easy to get fired up about a new plan (diet, exercise, whatever it may be!) and we do so well in the beginning. But once the motivation fades, then we need something to keep us going or we just give up. (That's where the "determination" factor comes in.)

I think of motivation as being a short-term burst of energy (mental and/or physical) to get something done--followed by an immediate, short-term reward. For example, you may wake up and not feel at all motivated to get out of bed from under your warm covers when it's freezing outside (when I woke up today, the temp outside was -11 F!). Then you think of a hot shower and how nice it will feel, so that motivates you to get up and moving.

While I was losing weight, motivation helped me here and there, but it didn't carry me through the entire process. That's where the determination and discipline have to take over. Sometimes, though, I needed a push of something motivating to keep me going (reading others' success stories, trying on smaller clothes, etc.)

Now that I am starting to feel excited about running again (starting over from square one) I've been feeding myself motivation to keep the excitement going long enough for me to make this change in my routine.

The biggest motivation for me comes from looking at photos of when I felt my best--whether for running or my weight. In this case, I want some running motivation, so looking through my old running photos gives me a ton of motivation. A few days ago, I even made a folder on my phone of running photos that motivate me so I can look at them when I'm just not feeling it.

However, when I first started running, I didn't have pictures to look back on--because I was a total newbie. So, I had to find that push elsewhere.

On this post, I just thought I'd list a few sources of running motivation. I wrote a post several years ago with some movies and books about running that I liked, but it's pretty outdated now. Here are some current (or classic) favorites:

Instagram Posts - I follow the hashtag #slowrunnersclub because I am much more motivated to see other people like ME getting in their running workouts than I am seeing elite runners. When something seems so unobtainable (like elite racing), it just makes me feel overwhelmed. It's hard to remember that there are ordinary--and slow!--runners, too. I love seeing people post about their typical runs when we are on a similar playing field. (On the other hand, some people might be MORE motivated to see elite runners' posts--we're all different!)

Read the story behind this shirt. It is heart-melting!

A "Running Playlist" on my Phone--I made a playlist of songs that I remember listening to when I first started running in 2010. When listening to the songs, I can even remember a few specific runs and what point of the run I was in during that song (no idea why!).

Running Podcasts - My favorite is "Another Mother Runner". I hadn't listened to it in SO long, but I recently started listening again to episodes that catch my eye. I miss it!

Running Books (Amazon affiliate links):

'Running for My Life: One Lost Boy's Journey from the Killing Fields of Sudan to the Olympic Games' by Lopez Lamong. I LOVED this book and I'm going to read it again. I even gave it to my dad to read!  It's such an inspiring story. Yes, he makes it to the Olympics (as you can see from the title); so, while it's not the "I want to do that, too!" kind of motivation, it is simply a feel-good running story. My dad's not a runner and has no interest in running, but he loved the book for the story itself.

'Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Ever Seen' by Christopher McDougall. The last time I mentioned this book on the list of running motivation, I said that I only included it because so many OTHER runners loved it--but I just couldn't get past the first chapter or so. Since then, I finally read the book and I loved it! This is definitely a "superathletes" type of book (these people are superhuman, truly) so I can't relate to the them on their level--but it's SO interesting and definitely made me want to run.

Running Audiobooks (I listened to these while I was running, which helped me get through runs):

'Depression Hates a Moving Target' by Nita Sweeney. I wrote a review of this and shared a guest post by Nita. This book felt like it was written just for me--the mental health + running was just what I needed. I'm currently listening to the audiobook again during my walks.

'My Year of Running Dangerously' by Tom Foreman. I didn't know when I started listening to this that Tom Foreman is a well-known broadcaster for CNN. I am glad I didn't know that, because I probably wouldn't have chosen to listen to this audiobook if I had. His daughter asks him to run a marathon with her, and it takes him on a very long (literally) running journey.

'Running Man' by Charlie Engle. This is about an elite runner, so I didn't listen to it thinking that I was going to achieve this sort of level, haha. But I really enjoyed the book--I'd like to watch the film that the book is about, called Running the Sahara, produced by Matt Damon.

There are some films that I love for running motivation, too, but you can find those on this post (I won't re-list them and make this long post even longer). I do want to add one movie, though:

'Brittany Runs a Marathon' on Amazon Prime. I LOVED this movie! I wrote a review on my blog here.

So, this is just a short list--there are so many books, movies, podcasts, websites, blogs, etc., that are great for a quick boost of motivation! If you have any favorites, please feel free to share. It's been a while since I've been into all things running ;)

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My Sister's 75 Hard Transformation

(If you're not familiar with 75 Hard, I would go back and read this post on my blog. I explained it all there.)

In August, when Jerry, the kids, and I went up north to my sister's cabin, it was shortly after I started doing 75 Hard. I stuck with my plan while I was there, even though it was--well--hard. I had to switch up my routine and going out for my second walk of the day every afternoon was tough (mentally). But I did it and I'm glad I was able to stick with it.

I told Jeanie about 75 Hard and she was interested in it but said the timing wasn't good for her right then. And in general, 75 Hard is not for everyone! It's a super tough plan for mental toughness. It's not a weight loss plan--the whole purpose is to become very self-disciplined--but people usually lose weight while following the "rules".

Jeanie ended up starting 75 Hard and she took it very seriously. She's an occupational therapist and she's been working very closely with COVID patients all year. Her job has been crazy-stressful but she still managed to go 75 full days while following all of the rules of 75 Hard right to the tee. I was amazed when I saw her Day 1 photo next to her Day 75 photo. She looks amazing! 

I asked her if I could share her pictures and for some details about what she did because I knew people would be just as awed as I was. So, here is what she had to say...

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When I first listened to the podcast with Andy Frisella about 75 Hard and decided to do it, I picked out the Weight Watchers PointsPlus plan as my diet. That had worked well for me in the past and I found that I could access all of the PointsPlus information from a free app called iTrackBites. I think in the app it’s called the "carb conscious" program. Weight Watchers has since developed other programs and I never found myself as successful on them.

For workouts, I was originally planning on running, swimming, and doing the circuit at Planet Fitness. Once I started the first couple of days, I really had to find a groove of how I was going to stay organized for 75 days. I wasn’t sure if I should do my run first and then walk my dogs (I did not count the dog walking as a work out) or if I should walk the dogs and then run, etc.

I settled into a routine of getting up at 4 AM and taking the dogs for a walk, dropping them back off at home, and then going for a run. This counted for my outdoor workout. After work, I went swimming or for a walk or did the circuit.

After about 10 days, I ran into a major issue with plantar fasciitis in my foot. It has been acting up off and on since the summer but it got really bad after I started running on it. It’s a long story but I ended up seeing two different podiatrists and switching shoes and I had to stop running. So I switched to brisk walking to limit the impact on my foot.

I learned to set out all my waters and number them one through eight in a container on my counter the night before. I kept my empty bottles and put them back in the container so I could ensure I drank all eight at the end of the day.

I also downloaded the 75 Hard app and would check that in the evening when I was logging my food in the iTrackBites app. I think the 75 Hard app is a must because there were a few times I forgot to take my progress photo and then when I checked the app at the end of the day, it still gave me time to get all the tasks completely done.

As far as the diet goes, I eat a sensible breakfast--usually oatmeal or egg whites and a protein shake--and I would eat a protein bar at lunch. Then I just eat a typical dinner.

The Apple Watch or other tracking device can sync right to the iTrackBites app and will tell you how many Activity Points you’ve earned for the day. I know you can eat your Activity Points but I only chose to use a small portion of the points for food and I often had about 100 points left over at the end of the week that I did not use for food.

I also know on Weight Watchers there are no food groups that are eliminated but I chose not to have any sweets like cookies, cakes, pies, etc. The closest thing to sweets that I spent Points on was some Nutella in my oatmeal in the morning--but I counted the Points. I determined in the beginning that as long as I stayed on the program and did not go over my Points value each week, then that was considered "on track". 

I’m a picky eater and don’t like vegetables, so I feel like the Weight Watchers Points Plus program was perfect for me

For my second workout, I would just swing by the gym after work and swim or come home and walk. I found going to Planet Fitness to do the circuit was a little bit tricky because the hours are modified due to COVID. So I didn’t do much of that--maybe only a few times.

As far as organization goes, I even organized how I packed my gym bag. I had my towel and my clean clothes for after swimming at the bottom of the bag. At the top of the bag was my swimsuit and a towel for when I got out of the pool and my flip-flops to walk to and from the pool.

I only weighed myself once a week. I feel like I followed the program to the tee the way that I understood it from the first podcast when he talked about 75 Hard. He has since put out a second podcast on it and he states that you’re not supposed to use a Kindle for your reading and it’s supposed to be an actual book. But I believe this contradicts what he first said. Either way, I completed at least 10 pages of a nonfiction book for all 75 days.

To be honest, I really love the whole structure of the program. I treated it like a job. When my alarm went off it was just non-negotiable to get up and start. I learned to love the morning routine of walking the dogs and then having 45 minutes to myself to listen to a podcast while I walked outside.

Being that it was so early in the morning, I was sure to wear a reflective light and I also chose to carry my own protection as far as pepper spray and a concealed carry gun.

The things I wish I would’ve done differently are 1) I wish I would’ve at least put my hair in a ponytail for my before picture but I had no idea I was going to be sharing that with anybody; and 2) I also wish I would’ve taken side and back photos in the beginning.

But the bottom line is that I love the program and I actually love the simplicity of the rules. Doing them for 75 days is another story but I found it motivating and never really dreaded doing a work out.

I am taking this week off between Christmas and New Year’s but I’m not going totally wild with diet or anything like that. I’m at our cabin up north, enjoying myself but don’t plan to drink alcohol at all this weekend and I’m still drinking my gallon of water and going on a nice walk.

My next focus is going to be getting to the gym and starting to do more strength training to tone up. I think it’s important as a middle-aged female to get in some weight bearing exercise to help prevent bone and muscle loss.

Basically, I plan to continue with a modified program. I plan on only taking my photo one time a week and to read just for enjoyment and not a particular amount or type of book per day. I want to continue with the two workouts but I don’t want one of them to have to be outside. And I still plan to follow Weight Watchers and drink a gallon of water each day. I’ll check back in in 75 days and see if we can tell a difference with strength training!

I lost weight consistently every single week for 10 weeks. In the end, I lost 24 pounds total.

My advice to others, which I read from people who had done the program, would be "don't overthink it". I think there are a lot of varied opinions on how strict the program is and what Frisella means by "following a diet" and all of that--it’s easy to get caught up. So I think that just sticking to the basics and your interpretation of some of the information he says will get you through.

I think it was great to have a mental focus and a physical checklist of stuff to do. There was some guilt sometimes because I was so exhausted by the time my day was ending that when my husband was working 12 hours and didn’t get home until 7:30 at night, I was already ready for bed. I tried to make sure I was getting 7-9 hours of sleep at night because I do not function well on less than that.

The challenge has definitely boosted my self-confidence and I find that my mentally conscious time is not spent wondering if people think I’m fat, or if I’m breathing heavy while talking to a patient after I just ran up the stairs etc. I feel like I do have more confidence and self-esteem. And it’s been fun to try on clothes I haven’t worn in a long time and find out they fit!

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Doesn't she look amazing?! I was stunned when I saw her photos. And her self-discipline... it motivates me for sure. Jeanie and I both love sweets, so when I learned that she didn't have any dessert for 75 days, I was very surprised--that's extremely difficult. I'm so proud of her for finishing!

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The Power of a Determined Mindset

When I saw a video post by my friend Adam on Facebook yesterday, I was completely stunned. Speechless. Just completely in awe.

I've known Adam since high school and we've remained good friends through all these years--he even stood up in my wedding. Lately, we've been talking a lot more. He's been really into challenging himself and he's the one who turned me onto talked me into trying 75 Hard.

He's also the one who told me to read David Goggins' book, 'Can't Hurt Me' (Amazon affiliate link). David Goggins is on this whole other level of toughness--I can't even fathom the amount of discipline that he has developed from years of sheer HARD WORK. And I'm starting to see some of this in Adam. It makes me really excited for him!

He is currently doing 75 Hard, and he's about a week ahead of me (I'm starting Week 8 today). He's made it much more challenging to himself than I have, however. 

To back up, though...

In February, he did the most insane challenge I'd ever heard of up until that point--he did a 4x4x48 challenge (Goggins' idea). That meant to run 4 miles every 4 hours for 48 hours straight. Yes, you read that correctly. Insane! And he did it.

He didn't just do this once; he did it again in June! (And now he wants me to do it with him next month, even if we just walk instead of run...)

Adam bought a used mountain bike from a friend so he could use it to bike to work as well as exercise. On July 28, Adam tried out his new wheels:

Then on August 4th, out what what seems like nowhere, he walked 42 miles in one day!

Adam decided to do a charity event where he would have to cycle 250 miles in September (I'll include the info for that at the end of the post). So, he got started...

I have to do a side note here: This is super ironic and funny. Even through high school, Adam would talk about being strong and always working on being stronger by challenging himself. He later moved into a house that he knew was on Adams St. (coincidental enough) but then realized that it was on the corner of Strong Blvd! So he lived on the corner of Adams-Strong. Crazy, right?! (That's what the hashtag refers to.)

Also, when he mentions a "cookie jar" it's another reference to David Goggins' book. It's a way of tucking away little accomplishments to pull out when you need to feel strong to get through something.

I've saved the most insane accomplishment for last (although I'm sure this will not be *his* last!). He posted this video to Facebook yesterday, leaving me stunned.

(Note: When he mentions a triathlon, he's talking about the cycling portion of an IRONMAN.

Anyway, I hadn't planned to do an entire post about Adam, but I just had to brag about him a little. He's been SO encouraging to me while I do 75 Hard and definitely trying to push me out of my comfort zone. When I was feeling depressed and antisocial in the winter, he kept asking to get together and when we finally did, I felt so much happier.

He's an amazing friend and literally the strongest person I know--his mental determination is approaching David Goggins'. 

I don't usually post links to other people's charities because I get SO many requests to do so. Adam did not ask me to post this, but I'm going to anyways just in case anyone feels like they want to contribute to his cycling goal for September.

It's called the Great Cycle Challenge and it's to fight kids' cancer. Here is a link to Adam's fundraising page.

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75 Hard: Week 1 Recap

First, if you don't know what 75 Hard is, you can read about it in this post.

I can't believe it's been a week already since I started 75 Hard. I thought time would drag on, but it's flying by and I feel amazing--a million times better (mentally and physically) than I did just a week ago. It's done a ton for my overall mood.

Going into this, I was feeling so out-of-control with everything. I was constantly planning for "tomorrow" on getting back on track with my diet and exercise, but mentally, I just couldn't get there. I needed to feel better mentally so that I could have the strength to focus on the physical. I wasn't feeling depressed, per se, but just angry and disgusted with myself for losing all focus.

It's only been a week since I started this mental challenge, but I was feeling better by Day 3. This is the longest I've stuck with any sort of plan in who-knows-how long. And the best part is, I don't hate it; I don't feel like I'm white-knuckling my way through a torturous 75 days. Sure, I could make it "harder" by cutting out food groups and doing insane workouts, but the main reason I wanted to do this challenge is to get my head back in the game.

So, to recap this week... there are a lot of things to keep track of! I've been using a habit tracker app to check things off as I do them, but it's become completely routine now. I actually get most of the items done in the morning.

Drink one gallon of water every day.

This one is easy for me. I have a quart-sized water bottle, and I typically drink the whole thing within five minutes or so. I stop counting the number of times I refill it after my fourth bottle, but I probably drink one or two more after that. So I'm drinking about 1-1.5 gallons of water. That seems like so much!

Take a progress photo every day.

I do this right after I get dressed to go for my walk in the morning. I just take a full-body selfie and in the mirror in my bathroom. I'm not going to post the photos (at least not yet!) because they are terribly unflattering. Depending on how this challenge goes, I may post them later.

Today, I compared the one from a week ago to the one from today, and I already notice a difference in my stomach (a lot of the weight I've gained has been in my stomach).

Diet of choice + no alcohol.

I'm doing intermittent fasting with a 4-hour window. I keep this flexible as far as what time I plan to "break the fast" because I want to be able to allow for social situations. But I typically eat at 4:00.

I've love being able to make and eat very filling dinners. Before, I was always trying to keep calories low for each meal so that I could spread them throughout the day; now, I've had to adjust things to make the calories higher (since I'm condensing a day's worth of calories down to a 4-hour window).

After I eat, I feel totally satisfied until I go to bed, which is so different from when I was counting calories. I always used to "need" a snack at night, but the intermittent fasting helps in a several ways:

1) I love that I don't think about food all the time. I literally don't think about it until I'm cooking and getting ready to eat. When counting calories, all I could think about was food!

2) I like being hungry when it's time to eat because everything tastes SO good. Food always tastes better when I'm hungry. 

3) I love that I can eat until I'm full. I don't eat until I'm completely stuffed, but I eat until I am full enough to not want any more food. 

4) I'm eating healthier foods. Because I'm condensing everything down to a small window, I want to make sure to eat something nutritious. But I don't restrict myself from anything, though. 

5) I don't feel weak during the day like I sometimes did when counting calories. I don't know how or why this is, because I'm probably getting the same amount of calories (I haven't counted, but I can guesstimate). The only time I feel tired is immediately after eating. But even that is starting to fade. It was most noticeable the first few days.

6) This is something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. If I had to follow a particular "diet" for this 75 Hard challenge, I wouldn't have decided to do the challenge. I like doing things that I find work well for me and that I know I can maintain. 

Needless to say, I'm feeling great about the intermittent fasting!

Read 10 pages of a non-fiction/educational/self-awareness-type book.

I've been reading 'The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are' by Brené Brown (Amazon affiliate link). I received this from my friend Emily as a gift, and I read half of it back in 2017. I LOVED what I read and it really changed the way I was viewing things.

It helped me to stop worrying about what others think of me, which was a huge deal. Writing vulnerable posts on my blog opens up the door to receive some harsh/rude/cruel comments that used to hurt my feelings. After reading (half of) this book, I truly realized why those comments spoke more about the commenter than about me, and it actually gave me sympathy for the commenters. Comments still sting sometimes, but I'm able to look at them differently and realize it's not really about me.

I felt so empowered after half the book that I stopped reading it! Not very smart. I thinks it's a great book for the 75 Hard reading, so I started it from the beginning and will finish it this time. It's been a good refresher, and this time, I'm reading "actively"--highlighting and really absorbing different parts.

Workout 45 minutes twice a day (at least one must be outdoors).

The hardest part of the whole challenge for me is the second 45-minute workout. Even though I'm only walking or riding my bike, I would rather be doing something else (something lazy). But I love that this challenge forces me to do it because I feel better for it.

I find that doing the first one right after getting up helps a lot. If I was to procrastinate this, I'd have a VERY hard time doing both workouts. And like I mentioned before, because I'm not doing hardcore workouts, I don't struggle with dreading it. 

Here is what my first week's workouts looked like (all were outdoors):

I like looking at my heart rate, especially to see how it works in the MAF zone. I'm surprised that my heart rate gets higher with bike riding than it does with walking, because bike riding feels easier. I have no idea why my heart rate was so high for my walk on Thursday. Since Garmin Connect was done, I didn't log any notes.

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So, the first week of 75 Hard is in the books, and I'm loving the changes I'm seeing/feeling already. This week may be more challenging because I'm going up north to visit my sister, but I'm still planning to do the checklist every single day!

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75 Hard - Day 3

I can't come up with a creative title, so this will have to do. I made it through Day 3 of 75 Hard! I feel like if I can get through a week or so, I'll have a long enough streak going that I won't even have thoughts of quitting.

That's usually how things work for me... once I have a solid streak, I don't want to break it, so I become very determined to see it through.

I've been staying super busy, which has helped to keep me on track. The last few days, I've gotten up really early in the morning--like 5:00 or 5:30! I write in my "Some Lines A Day" journal for couple of minutes, then do the 10 pages of reading for 75 Hard while drinking a quart of water--all before I get out of bed.

Then when I do get up, I immediately go for a walk (workout #1 for the day) and take a progress photo in the mirror. So, by 8:00-ish in the morning, I've already done most of the 75 Hard checklist for the day!

Today, I walked Joey this morning (he loves this new routine). It kept looking like it was going to rain, and I was hoping it would. The humidity was 98% and the rain would have felt great. Also, I could check my "rainy walk" off of my Cookies Summer Challenge checklist.

While I was out, I happened to see three rabbits fairly close to the road, spread in a triangle. They were lying down and just starting at Joey and me. It was the weirdest thing! I see rabbits all the time, but I've never seen them do that before. I wonder if they were protecting a nest or something...? I was surprised they didn't run off when we walked by.

The pictures make them look kind of far away, but they were fairly close to the road and they didn't even flinch when Joey and I stopped to watch them for a minute.

Anyway, I've just never seen rabbits do that before. It didn't end up raining during the walk, so I decided to cross off my "bridge walk" on the checklist. It wasn't a very exciting bridge, and I was hoping to hold out for a good one, but I couldn't think of another walk to check off the list. So, here is the bridge. I know, it's intimidating! ;)

Since I've been walking so much, I got shin splints--especially in my left leg, and it's really sore. I also feel pain in the spot where I had my stress fracture five years ago. I know that it's because of the slope in the road. When I walk, I always walk against traffic (which is what pedestrians are "supposed" to do). However, that means I'm always walking with my left foot on the slope. My doctor said that is likely what caused my stress fracture.

So, even though it felt totally weird, I walked on the opposite side of the road, in the direction of traffic. I felt so much relief in my leg when I did that. I'm going to have to make sure to switch it up so that I'm doing each side of the road evenly. The last thing I want is another stress fracture! I've also been rotating my shoes.

After my walk, I drank another quart of water (halfway to my goal for the day). Then I went to Lowe's and bought a bunch of 2x6 boards for the garage. Of course, I left the paper that I'd written the measurements on at home, so I didn't know how many boards to buy. I took a guess and bought 10.

When I got home, I immediately got to work cutting and installing the boards around the perimeter of the garage. When I finished, I had just eight inches of one board left! I couldn't have made a better guess as to how many boards to buy. And I drank another quart of water while I was working.

I forgot to buy wood filler to fill in the little holes from the trim nailer and the screws, so I couldn't prime and paint today. I'll have to buy some tomorrow. I am so excited to see what it looks like when it's done! But even more excited for it to just BE DONE because I want to move all the stuff in the garage back into place.

When I was done working in the garage, it was around 1:00; I decided to do my second workout for 75 Hard. Again, I was sure it was going to rain. To be safe, though, I figured I'd do part of my walk on the beach so that I could cross that one off the list. I hadn't been down to the beach in a long time, so I was shocked when I got down there and saw it was completely underwater!

Jerry and I used to walk along this beach once in a while. It wasn't huge, but there was plenty of space for us to walk in the sand for at least a half mile or so. Needless to say, I turned around and nixed that idea. Of course, as soon as I got home and took off my shoes, it started raining.

As long as I stay busy like I have been, the intermittent fasting isn't hard at all. I break my fast at dinner (an early 4:00) and then have a snack a few hours later. I haven't weighed myself, but I don't really want to for a while. I am feeling really good about this 75 Hard right now, and I feel like if I don't see the scale move downward, I'll get discouraged. I really am doing this challenge to become mentally stronger.

I know it's only been three days, but I am happy with how I'm doing with it. It's been a while since I stuck with anything for three days! Haha.

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2020 Cookies Summer Run/Walk Challenge: Final Details and Checklists

I cannot believe the summer solstice is only three days away! That will mark the beginning of my annual Cookies Summer Run/Walk Challenge, and the challenge will end at the end of summer--the fall equinox.

If you're new to the challenge, it's very basic. It's basically just a way to make running or walking for exercise more fun through the summer! I created a checklist of runs/walks to try to complete throughout the summer. Here are a few as an example:

I've implemented a points system this year, which is really just meant for added motivation. I was going to try to do prizes for people with the most points, but it would be really hard to keep track of and verify them. Instead, you can use the points system in a couple of different ways:

- At the beginning of summer, decide how many points you want to aim for and try to hit that (or exceed it). Since there are 56 items on the list, the maximum number of points you can earn is 112.

- Use the points to have a competition with friends. Keep track of your own points and then see which of you can earn the most.

- Ask if anyone in the Facebook group wants to work on a particular goal and make a challenge with them. (The Facebook group is private, which means that nobody outside of the group can see the posts.)

- Make a leaderboard with friends to motivate each other.


General “Official” Rules and Notes

Obviously, you can make this challenge all your own and do it however you’d like! But if you’re interested in tracking your own points, here are my suggestions for “rules”:

1.   You may not count a single run/walk toward multiple items on the list. Each item on the list must be its own run/walk. For example, if you run in a park over a bridge with your dog on the fall equinox, that can only be counted toward one item of your choosing—not four.

2.   You can run or walk each item, regardless of which checklist you’re following. They are nearly identical, so you can choose whether you run or walk them.

3.   Unless it's specified on the checklist, the distance that you run/walk is totally up to you.

4.   Don’t overthink it. It’s up to you whether the run/walk “counts” or not! This is just for fun and motivation to get moving this summer.

I've made the printable checklist as well as a calendar so you can plan out your runs/walks (with so many items on the list, it can be hard to keep track, so the calendar is helpful). Just click the photos below to access them. There is a "running" checklist and a "walking" checklist. They are nearly identical; I just changed the wording.

Here is the running checklist and calendar:

      

In case those don't work, here are the written links:

Running Checklist

Running Calendar

      

And here is the walking checklist and calendar:

      

And the written links:

Walking Checklist

Walking Calendar

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I believe that is all the information you need to know! If you have questions please ask (you can post them in the Facebook group or ask here in a comment).

The link to the Facebook group for this 2020 Challenge is here: Runs for Cookies Summer Challenge 2020. (Remember, you get an extra point per item if you post a photo with some sort of detail of your run/walk on the Facebook group page.) Don't forget, the Facebook group is private, so nobody outside of the group will be able to see your posts.

Also, I may add some ways to earn a bonus point on certain runs, which I'll post on the Facebook group.

Okay, that said... I hope that lots of you will join in this summer! It was super fun to see all the posts last year (and very inspiring!). As always, my goal is to complete the list--whether running or walking, I'd really like to be able to finish it this year. I've never even completed half of it!

Finally, if you share this challenge with anyone, I'd appreciate the link to this page rather than just the checklist. This explains it better and has the links to each style of checklist.

One last thing: If you happen to notice any errors on the list or calendar, PLEASE let me know. I spent about eight hours working on this stuff, and my mind is ready for a nap. I won't be surprised if I mixed up a date or two. I'll change it as soon as possible.

Just two more days until the solstice! I'll be running from spring into summer :)

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I Ran Hard Today

The title of this post is extremely anti-climactic. But it's kind of a big deal for me--I haven't been running at all lately, even after running three times a week for three months in a row (October through December). My last run was January 3rd.

And my last HARD run? I honestly have no idea! I got so used to doing MAF training that I just didn't even remember what it felt like to run hard. 

I had absolutely no plans of running today. I wanted to get some work done, or at least just feel productive. My printer has been offline, which is driving me crazy, so I tried to figure out the problem with that. That led to making storage space on my computer, which led to sorting through photos (it's never ending). 

When looking at photos, it never fails that when I see photos of myself at my goal weight I am filled with a desperate feeling--I want to be back there, or at least close, so badly! I know exactly what I need to do, and I know that I have no *real* excuses not to just do it. I literally just don't have the drive or the discipline to stick to it.

When looking at the photos today, I thought that I really should go for a run. No plans other than that--I wasn't thinking about a specific running routine or anything--just run today.

I'd been doing MAF training for such a long time and I was so tired of focusing on my heart rate. From my knowledge of running, I truly believe that heart rate training is one of the best ways to train. But mentally, I just don't want to do it right now. 

When I first started running in 2010, I began by building my distance until I was able to run for three miles. (Here is a plan I wrote that is very similar to what I did.) Once I was able to run for three miles, I tried to make myself do it a little faster each time. Even if it was only a couple of seconds, I pushed myself to get faster. (Here is my running story in a nutshell)

It worked! I don't believe it's the best way to reach your maximum potential (I believe in the 80/20 rule--80% of the time spent running per week should be at a very easy pace, and 20% should be at a hard pace), but it definitely works until you reach a certain point in training.

Today, I decided that I would run by feel--I wasn't aiming for a heart rate or pace, but I wanted to run out of the comfort zone. I wanted it to feel uncomfortable, like I really wanted to stop--but then I'd continue to run for two miles. (I could've done three, but I haven't pushed myself to run hard in a long time, so I decided two was good for a start.)

I almost gave up before I started. I wanted to run on the treadmill, not outside. My iPad was totally dead, and I plugged it into the charger but it was taking a while to charge enough to turn it on. (I use it to watch TV while I run.)

While I waited for my iPad to charge, I grabbed a packet of photos that I'd gotten developed a few months ago. They are all photos that motivate me to want to try to get my weight under control again. My "thin" photos ;) 

I quickly grabbed six of them that I liked and I taped them to a piece of paper. Since I hate seeing the very slow going distance tick away on the console of the treadmill, I taped the paper over the numbers on the treadmill. And then if I felt like quitting, I could look at those photos and hopefully keep going.

It's kind of dumb, I know, but hey--whatever works!

Finally, my iPad was charged enough to start. Then, when I found the show 24 on Amazon Prime (which is what I'd been watching while running October-December) I noticed that it wasn't free anymore on Prime! I was super bummed. I had no idea what show to start. I like shows that are action packed when I'm on the 'mill. Dramas are too slow-moving.

I spent way too much time trying to find something--anything--to watch, but eventually, I settled on Bloodline on Netflix. I'd started that show when it first came out, but quit watching after a few episodes for some reason or another. 

I FINALLY started the treadmill. I hit 5.0 mph, but when I realized that felt kind of comfortable, I bumped up the speed (I think I ended up at 5.7-5.8, but I wasn't watching). 

It was hard!! I could've gone a little faster, but I didn't want to completely burn out before I hit two miles, and since it's been so long since I pushed myself, I wasn't sure when that would be. I was definitely very uncomfortable at that pace, which was my goal. I felt like I was working hard.

I wanted to stop, but I knew I could finish.

I have to say, it felt really good to breathe hard and sweat and feel like I was really DOING SOMETHING. I ran until the treadmill hit 2.00 miles (my Garmin distance/pace was WAY off, so I had to change the distance later). When I saw that my pace was under 11:00/mi, I was really happy about that! My heart rate definitely proved I was working hard...

My MAF heart rate is 142 bpm, and for this run, I was over 160 bpm for all but five minutes or so of the run. Overall I ran 2 miles in 21:36... a 10:48/mile pace.

When I was running 8-minute miles in 2016, I never thought I'd be thrilled to huff and puff through a 10:-something mile one day, but I'm actually feeling really good about it. I'm starting where I am TODAY, not where I was in 2016.

For the rest of the day, I've had what I affectionately call "runner's lung". This happens when I do a particularly hard run. It makes me cough kind of frequently for the rest of the day, especially when I take a deep breath. When I have runner's lung, I'm reminded all day that I worked hard. It feels good!

I have 30 weeks to train for the Detroit Free Press Half Marathon. I'm glad I have so much time--especially considering how hard it felt today! But today's run made me realize that I can't waste those 30 weeks. I can technically train for a half-marathon in 12 weeks, but I'm not in the shape to do that right now. I'm going to take advantage of these 30 weeks.

Today made me feel excited to do it!

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A Quote That Speaks to Me (a writing prompt)

This is going to be short, because I am SO TIRED. I don't know why; lately, I've been forcing myself to go to bed by 1:00 AM, still feeling wide awake. Well, it may have caught up to me today. So, I chose a writing prompt that speaks a lot for itself:

Share a quote that speaks to me and explain why...

I have saved several quotes on Pinterest and on Instagram that speak to me for various reasons, so I went through some of those and found one that was really speaking to me today:

If you're on Instagram, check out @behaviorhack. Lots of inspiring quotes to live by!

I think this quote stuck out to me today because I've been feeling the opposite lately. I remember the days when I worked my ass off to get into shape and I really did feel on top of the world--like it was a superpower.

I remember on my long run days, I would take full advantage of the rest of the day by relaxing and not feeling the slightest bit guilty for lying on the couch and watching Netflix. I felt like I earned it!

Now, I'm feeling quite the opposite. I'm very much out of shape, and I know what I need to do in order to get back in shape, but I just cannot, for the life of me, find the self-discipline that I used to have. But I would love to have that superpower feeling again, and the only way to get that is to put in the work.

As for rest... I've been less active now than I have in the past 10 years. And so when I do rest, even after a very busy day, I don't feel any sort of peace. The rest doesn't feel good like it used to--instead, I just don't feel like I did anything to require it, so it doesn't feel relaxing at all. I'd love to have that feeling of working very hard so that when I do rest, it's actually very relaxing.

"Embrace the hard times". This one is hard to get behind ;) In the short term, sure--I can do that. But when it feels never ending, it's really hard to see the finish line.

However, I DO want to remember the hard times so that when things do get better (and I trust they will) the good times really WILL feel that much greater.

Now, I'm off to a (hopefully) relaxing and restful sleep! (I did great with calorie counting today; it makes me feel good to go to bed with that knowledge under my belt.)

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So much support! (And a great goal as a result)

I really can't say thank you enough for the support on yesterday's post. I will try to respond to the comments over the next couple of days. I always hate writing things like the post I wrote yesterday, because I feel like I'm admitting to failure. But so many of you have made me feel like like I'm really just seeing a part of the (never-ending) process. I appreciate it so much!

I'm going to keep this post short, because Jerry is off work tomorrow, so we're going to watch a movie together tonight.

My good friend Adam (who I met right when I started my sophomore year of high school) texted me today to say that he read yesterday's post and he was wondering if there was something we could do together to help each other get/stay on track with personal goals.

This is my very favorite photo of Adam and me... it's from 1998 (Yikes! That makes me feel so old.)

As far as doing something together to get on track, nothing really jumped out at me because I've been trying to think of things like this for about two years now! However, I finally suggested something that was mildly uncomfortable (in a good way)--running the Detroit Free Press International Half Marathon together this October.

You may remember that I ran the full marathon with Rik in 2012; and I walked/ran with Jerry in 2015. I love love LOVE the Detroit course (out of all the races I've done, it's my favorite course). Adam has never actually done an "official" half-marathon... he's walked them and he's run them on a treadmill; but financially, he's not been able to afford to do races.

Soooo... I suggested that we run the Detroit Half this October, and I will pay his entry fee. If he bails for whatever reason, then he has to pay me back. And if I try to flake on him, then he will guilt trip me big time. I feel like this is a great solution for both of us!

(Adam is someone who you can never win against in an argument. I could give him a trillion excuses reasons why I can't train, and he won't hear of it. That is exactly what I need to stick with it.)

Just the fact that this will be his first big race and I'll be running it with him makes me super excited--I don't know if he's ever even been to a big race, but the excitement of the experience is totally worth it for a newcomer. I think that is what is most exciting for me--being there when he experiences the race and gets his medal and all that.)

I love this whole idea... I will be motivated to train (because I'll have to if I want to run with him) and he'll be motivated to do the race (because if he doesn't, he'll have to pay me back for the entry fee). He's excited about the idea because it'll give him something to work toward. So, it's a win-win all around.

I feel like this will really be helpful in getting me running again! I'm not going to come up with a crazy training plan--I'll write up something simple next week, something that will get me to the finish line but without all the complications of training a particular way.

SIMPLE is the name of the game this year.

I also agreed to read a book that he suggested--Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins (Amazon affiliate link). I looked at the synopsis, and it looks really great! (Otherwise, I wouldn't have agreed to read it.) He said it is super inspiring and will likely help me in getting determined to work on my goals. So, I bought the Kindle version today.

Anyway, I love that he reached out and that we came up with these things we can do to help each other out. I'm probably going to start the book on Tuesday (my kids and Jerry are off tomorrow, so we're doing a family day). And I'm going to write up a training plan during the week to get ready for the half.

I have no plan to break any personal records for speed, but if I can just run the whole thing, I'll be happy. I'm mostly excited to see Adam finish his first "official" race!

I haven't come up with a plan for my diet, yet, but for right now, I'm happy to have a plan going forward and through the summer for exercise. It'll feel good to have a training goal again. I wouldn't want to do this race if it didn't mean something.

While I'm not "cured" after what I wrote on yesterday's post, I'm feeling good right now about this plan. And it'll be fun to write about as I train :)

Here is a photo of Adam and me from a few weeks ago. He came over to watch the season premiere of The Biggest Loser with Jerry and me. Jerry fell asleep halfway through, so Adam and I took a photo with him anyway ;)  (Of course, Estelle had to insert herself in the photo, too)

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Where, oh where, has my weight loss motivation gone?

Raw, vulnerable, honest post ahead.

I don't know that I have ever felt so bad about myself as I have lately. This is a bold statement, because even when I was 253 pounds, I didn't feel this bad.

For coming up on 10 years, people have asked my where I found the motivation to lose weight; how I lost the weight; how I got through certain situations, vacation, etc. while continuing to lose weight; and just basically how to keep going when it's SO HARD.

And for years, I had answers that were truthful and (hopefully) helpful.

Now, I have a full inbox with similar questions, and I just keep letting it pile up because I don't have those answers anymore. I am one of the people who wants to know how to get motivated--determined, rather--and stick with it. (Here is the difference between motivation and determination.)

It's hard to believe that just three years ago, I was happier than I'd ever been. I wasn't running, or eating super healthy, but I felt fantastic. I did exactly what made me happy and I quit doing the things that didn't make me happy.

So why can't I do that anymore?

I'm very unhappy with my weight (I actually haven't gotten on the scale in 2-3 weeks, but my clothes feel a little tighter). The last time I checked, I was in the high 160's. When I was losing the weight, I was thrilled to have hit the 160's and I loved the way I looked and felt. Now, I'm about 45 pounds from my lowest weight, and 35 pounds from my (previous) goal weight. I'm about 25 pounds from my "I can be happy with this" weight".

(Normally, I'd insert a current photo here, but I never take pictures anymore--the one at the top of the post is the most recent.)

I stopped taking care of myself (not just the weight, but in most aspects). Each day that passes, I feel like I'm further and further "gone" until one day, I'll be at the point of no return. I know it makes sense to just start right at this moment and then I won't end up in that place. So why cannot I not find that fiery determination I used to have?

I used to set goals and work hard to achieve them. I used to look forward to all the little milestones that came with weight loss and running.

The things that I miss about being at my goal weight are so insignificant:

• Easily crossing my legs
• Walking without my thighs rubbing together
• Wearing form fitting clothes
• Not being self-conscious in photos
• Actually posting current photos
• Feeling inspiring--showing others that if I can do it, they can, too
• Running with ease
• Looking young! Did I write about what happened recently when Jerry went to the lab to have blood drawn? I went in with him, and the woman working there thought I was his mother. If that's not a slap in the face, I don't know what is.)

I know there are a million more things in this world to feel bad about, but right now, this is what is doing it for me. I desperately want to get back to that place of feeling good in my body, not feeling self-conscious that everyone is silently thinking about my weight gain when I run into people I haven't seen in a while.

I keep trying to have that "just get it over with" attitude--spend a few months doing what I need to do, and I'll be in a good place (or at least better) again--and then I don't have to think about this constantly.

I'm able to motivate myself by looking at old photos from a few years ago, but as I've said a million times, motivation doesn't work for weight loss. Determination does. So why can't I just find that determination I felt before?

I spent the last three months of 2019 running three days a week to get back into the habit. And then as soon as that goal was over, I just quit again. I think maybe I was making it too complicated by utilizing the MAF method and worrying about this or that. Maybe I just need to go back to the basics, like when I first started losing weight in 2009.

Back then, I focused on one thing and one thing only: don't go over my Weight Watchers Points (I was doing the Winning Points plan, which is still my favorite--their new ones are definitely not for me). I didn't worry about exercise, I didn't worry about what foods I was eating and whether or not they were healthy. I kept it extremely simple. Don't go over my Points.

When I switched to counting calories, I did something similar: Don't go overboard. I didn't set a specific limit of calories, but I tried to eat a low volume of food that I REALLY wanted and keep the calories from being higher than what a "normal" person would eat.

When I started exercising? Again, I kept it simple: 30 minutes, 3 times a week. No exceptions. And I eventually added that I couldn't go more than two days in a row without running. I didn't worry about my heart rate at all, and my only real goal was to get faster and run farther. Once I could run three miles, I followed a training plan to build my mileage. I didn't worry about speed work or heart rate or anything other than distance and pace.

I'm starting to wonder if I made things too complicated over the years. I've learned a ton more about running, but is that necessarily a good thing? There is so much conflicting evidence about types of training, who knows what is truly best? Maybe the best thing is to just run however it feels best.

As far as my diet, maybe I made things too complicated by trying to eat healthier things that I didn't enjoy so much. When I first started losing weight, I ate whatever sounded good to me, healthy or not. Gradually, I found my tastes started to change, and I naturally ate healthier (certainly not super healthy, but definitely healthier) because I enjoyed the foods--not because I was forcing them.

But maybe I made things too complicated by letting all those articles and advice (intermittent fasting, eating only whole foods, cutting out sugar, intuitive eating, etc) get in my head and tell me that what I was doing was all sorts of wrong.

Maybe it's time I just listen to my mind and my body and keep things simple. Forget everything I learned and do what feels best, mentally and physically.

However, that's the hard part. Once I learn something, I can't UN-learn it. So, if I choose to eat a piece of cake for breakfast, I would hear those voices telling me that it's "bad" and I should choose oatmeal instead, even if the thought of oatmeal is revolting at the moment.

I'm not writing this post to come up with a solution, which is what it's starting to sound like. I know what I need to do! I'm just writing thoughts as they come to me. I just know that right now, I'm very unhappy with my weight and the fact that I just can't find the will to care enough to do what it takes to change it.

I also have to accept that my life is far busier than it used to be. I have been so stressed out for the past year--and unfortunately, stress is my biggest trigger for emotional eating. I never really get time to myself anymore (I know, as a stay-at-home mom, you wouldn't think that's true--but the change in schools, raising teenage boys, and Jerry's work schedule have made me feel like I'm juggling more than I can handle sometimes.)

Anyway, I just wrote this because I don't want to pretend like I'm doing great with counting calories, or my challenge of not eating after dinner, or running again, or anything like that. This is the truth. I cannot find the motivation determination to stick with things.

I'm going to keep trying, though! I try to keep in mind how many attempts it took the first time for me to lose the weight before I was finally successful. I honestly can't count the number of times I tried.

So, you may hear about starts and tries and quits and all of that here, and hopefully I'll be able to get to the point where I can share some sort of progress. Maybe I'll even face the scale on Wednesday. I really want to just get this over with and stop feeling bad about it!

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