Getting To Know You Questions

I am at a complete loss for words as to what to write about today, so I just used a website to grab some random "get to know you" questions. I tried to pick things that I either haven't written about before or that I wrote about long ago and don't remember doing it. Here goes...

What is the dumbest way you injured yourself?

This was probably when I was at Nathan's house in 2020--just before the pandemic--and I was removing his popcorn ceiling. To do that, I had to spray water on the ceiling, let it soak in for a minute, then scrape it off with a drywall knife. He had new carpet, so I didn't want to get any on the carpet and I covered the entire floor with plastic.

I wasn't wearing shoes or socks because they would just get caked with wet drywall mud. Well, water on plastic is slippery! I climbed a ladder next to his fireplace and held onto the mantle to balance myself while I scraped the ceiling.

Apparently, his mantle wasn't attached to the fireplace very well, because when I put my weight against it, the entire thing flipped up into the air and the next thing I knew, my feet slipped out from under me and the ladder crashed down. My elbow hit the bricks so hard as I fell that I actually broke a brick in half! I'm lucky I only wound up with a lot of bruises and not any broken bones.

This isn't from the fall at Nathan's, but it's the worst bruise I've gotten in a stupid way. I was standing on a chair while working on remodeling the house, and I slipped. My shin slid right along the front of the seat of the chair all the way down and this was the resulting bruise!

What is one thing that instantly makes your day better?

Memes. Always, memes. I have hundreds of them saved on Pinterest (most are private, however, because some people may find them dark or tasteless--I love dark humor). I have a couple of friends who like memes as well, so when we find good ones, we share them with each other. I especially like mental illness memes when my day is going badly. I have a post with a lot of those here. 

What do you enjoy spending money on?

I actually really love spending money on gifts for other people. Just random things that make me think of them. It's so hard to resist! Before I was diagnosed with bipolar and started medication, that's a major reason we'd gotten into credit card debt. When I was hypomanic, I would start shopping around on Amazon and buy things for people. I just get very excited to give someone a gift that I think will make them smile.

As for spending money on myself... my very favorite thing to spend money on is thrift shopping. I love going to thrift stores and browsing around for a couple of hours, finding good deals on clothes I like or just random home goods or crafting supplies. Sometimes I'll take pictures of things that inspire me to repurpose stuff that I have at home.

Finding this Surf Style jacket was a good day--so nostalgic!

What is the strangest coincidence that ever happened to you?

This one still blows my mind when I think about it. In 2014, I ran a Ragnar Relay with 11 people that I'd met through my blog (not to be confused with the Ragnar that was in the From Fat to Finish Line documentary). They were from all over the country and we met at John's house in San Diego to run the coast. We all became very close friends and several of us would make trips to visit each other after the race.

Anyway, I was visiting one of my teammates, Thomas, in Portland (Oregon) and one evening we were just browsing YouTube on the TV. You know that rabbit hole, where you search one thing and then two hours later you don't even remember what you were looking for?

We ended up finding a video of things to do in Portland and started watching that. There is an ice cream place called Salt & Straw and it's very popular. The person recording the video was walking along the line of people (which was out the door and down the sidewalk) and interviewing them about where they were from, what ice cream they were going to try, etc.

All of a sudden, as we're watching this random video, Thomas said, "That's Paige!" And sure enough, our teammate Paige was standing in line on this video taken years prior. Paige lives in Idaho! And she happened to be visiting Portland at the time, waiting to try Salt & Straw, and wound up on this video... which we completely coincidentally came across on YouTube. It was unbelievable.

This was Jerry's and my first time trying it. I used to LOVE ice cream (vegan ice cream is my favorite treat).

How do you waste time most often?

My favorite way to waste time is to play games on my phone while watching a show. There is truly nothing productive about it, but it's my "down time" when I need to relax and I actually don't feel guilty doing it. My favorite games are Best Fiends--it's a mindless game that takes my mind off of things, especially when I have anxiety. I also do the Wordle every day. And I do a Peak "workout"--some brain games. I especially like the logic puzzles. I'm absolutely terrible at the memory ones, though!

Jerry knows how much I like Best Fiends and I had no idea he did this, but he tried to order a mug for me from their Instagram site and it wasn't working. He contacted them to ask how he could order one and they ended up sending him ALL OF THIS STUFF for free! He was super excited to give it to me. Those socks are still my favorite and I use the mugs almost daily. I liked the shirts, too, but when I lost weight (again) they became too big. I still think it was so cool of them to send all of that!

Well, after what feels like the most exhausting day ever, I'm going to go waste some time watching Ozark with Jerry. I've already seen the series, but he had only watched two seasons, so I'm watching it again with him. I made some good progress on the cat shelves today, and I hope to get them finished tomorrow!

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The Most Vulnerable Parts of Me

This picture is old (2020?) but I don't have that shirt anymore

Like I said yesterday, I'm not going to weigh in today. After being gone for a week and totally out of my comfort zone, it wouldn't even be a fair representation of my weight. I'll continue my Wednesday Weigh-Ins next week.

I want to write about something that I always assumed was pretty obvious, but perhaps it's not to some people: I don't write *everything* about me or my life on my blog. There are a LOT of personal things that I just choose not to write about for whatever reason. I do share quite a bit (probably too much) here, which is why I'm sure some people feel like they know me (and I love that! I feel like I know a lot of you, too.)

However, when I'm going through a tough time, sometimes I don't want to write about it (or it's not my story to tell). And I don't feel like I owe an explanation to anyone (even if I want to "defend" myself from the criticism). I've been going through a very rough patch over the last year or so and some things I choose to share, while others I choose not to. I experienced something rather traumatic last year and it's not something I feel comfortable opening up about. I am still working on getting past it, but that is one reason I have been feeling so emotional.

When people don't have the full picture, it's hurtful when I am judged for simply what I choose to write about. I write about all sorts of things--good and bad--so it's not like I'm cherry-picking only the best parts of my life to share. (That's for people to do on Facebook, hahaha)

This is a personal blog, and I'm aware that I open myself up to criticism for posting it publicly (and constructive criticism is fine!) but I also ask that the rude judgment be reserved for the whole picture and not just snippets of my life. I do downplay a lot of my emotions here because I try to "stay positive!" and "look at the bright side!". However, when I do write vulnerable posts such as this, I am always honest in what I choose to share. 

My blog has changed so much, especially over the last eight years or so. I used to be very candid and I wrote lots of personal things; but over time, my writing has become more and more vanilla. I try to avoid certain topics that I know people will read too deeply into; I don't write much about mental health anymore, even though it's a huge part of my life; I quit writing about budgeting, because people don't know our whole financial picture. I could write a whole post about why I don't share food logs anymore! And parenting? That's just opening a huge can of worms.

I don't have thick skin--I never have--and perhaps blogging was the wrong choice for me. I never thought my blog would gain so many readers; when I started writing, there were a handful of people who had been reading my "online journal" for a decade. (I started blogging in 2000, only it was on a different platform; I switched to Blogger simply because it was easier to share pictures in posts! I didn't realize how much more exposed it would be.)

When people are mean to me, it hurts! Even when they are complete strangers. I wish I could "brush it off" like all of my friends and family tell me to do, but it's not that simple for someone like me. I take everything to heart; when I do my best to be kind and it's received poorly, I feel like there is something wrong with me. Then I overthink it to death.

Over the last several years, people (not necessarily my blog readers, but just people in general) have gotten so sensitive to everything--I constantly wonder if I'm saying something that might offend people. Or using a word that is no longer politically correct. Or making a joke that people may not realize is a joke. I always have good intentions when I write and I never mean to offend people. Most of the time, it's easier to avoid certain topics altogether.

People that know me in real life know that I'm a genuinely NICE person. I'm shy, but I'm always polite and I do my best to make people feel comfortable. I try to see the best in people, even the ones who don't like me. I'm generous--with friends, family, and strangers--and I don't post about those things because I don't do them for recognition. I just like to make people happy!

Not everybody is going to like me, just like I'm not going to like everybody I meet. However, I do my best not to judge people (and if I do, I usually catch myself quickly and change that thinking). I'm extremely empathic (to a fault, for sure) and I always try to put myself in someone else's shoes before judging.

I recognize that everybody is different and I respect others' opinions (even though I don't always agree). I don't think there is a "one size fits all" for a multitude of topics--diet, exercise, parenting, financial decisions, etc.--and I make sure to keep that in mind when chatting with others.

So, when I say that I feel overwhelmed (and have felt this way for going on a year now), I'm keeping quite a bit of it to myself. Sometimes I don't want to open myself up to criticism about certain topics and sometimes there are some things that I'd just like to keep personal.

Because of my hyper-empathy and that I always want to make sure people are happy, I put a LOT of pressure on myself. And when people aren't happy for some reason, even if it's something that has nothing to do with me, I blame myself for it. (I know this isn't logical, and it's something I've discussed multiple times in therapy, but I think it's just a part of who I am.)

I want to do what I can to "fix" it and make everything all better so that people are happy again. Since I don't actually have the power to do that, I feel like I've failed--as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a niece, an in-law, a blogger, a pet-mom, a neighbor, and probably other hats I fill.

It really saddens me when I see some of the comments that people leave for each other on social media. I no longer use Facebook (well, maybe I'll look through the feed about every 2-3 weeks); I rarely use Instagram, although I do find it to be more positive than Facebook; and I don't use Twitter, Snapchat, TikTok, or any of the other platforms that people use to say mean things. I know of at least two teens (through my kids) that recently took their own lives, and the comments they received on social media played a huge role in their suicides.

Wow--I didn't intend to make myself quite so vulnerable in this post, or make it this somber. The short version is that none of us knows the whole story of what other people are going through. Judging someone based on a short snippet of their life isn't fair to them. In a perfect world, we would all be kind to each other and if we didn't have something nice to say, we wouldn't say anything at all.

It's obviously not a perfect world, but it doesn't hurt to do what we have the power to do. We have the choice to decide how to treat others and I think the way we choose to do that speaks volumes of ourselves. As much as I want to rant about a comment I may get on occasion, I choose not to engage in that sort of behavior. To be a genuinely kind person, I have to act like one--and if more people did that, maybe we'd be on our way to a perfect world. Hey, I can dream ;)

Note: I want to make sure that those of you who have been kind to me in some way--whether through comments, cards, gifts, emails, phone calls, texts, donations, well-wishes, or in-persons--I appreciate every last one of you. I would have quit blogging eight years ago if I didn't fall in love with so many nice people! I want you to feel this very heartfelt thank you <3 

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Late Replies

I'm having a "down" day today--my anxiety has been really bad recently--so I just thought I'd share some wisdom from an old friend, Adam. I saw this on Instagram the other day and it reminded me SO MUCH of me. I am absolutely terrible about getting back to people in a timely manner (if at all), no matter whether it's texts, emails, phone calls, or comments on social media.

I carry around guilt all the time because I know I have months of emails in my inbox, texts that I've been meaning to reply to (I'm the world's slowest texter, so I usually wait until I'm on my computer and I can text easily from there), and comments that I can remember reading weeks or months ago with the intention of replying. By then, it's awkwardly late!

Adam and I were very close friends in our teens. He's always been super smart and driven, and I guess I can't say that I'm surprised he became pretty famous among the psychology/business world.

Funnily enough, I've not read any of his books because they just aren't the kinds of books that interest me! But I like to read his thoughts on social media--aside from being incredibly smart, he has a lot of wise thoughts as well. Like I said, this one in particular spoke to me:

In a twist of irony, I have an email from Adam in my inbox that's probably a year and a half old now, and I honest-to-God have planned to reply when I set aside time to focus on a response. (This is what I often tell myself and then I get overwhelmed and procrastinate.) I will just remind him in my reply that it's quality, not speed, that matters. Hahaha.

I know I've said this before, but if you've emailed me and I haven't replied, it's NOT personal; I literally just get overwhelmed and I have every intention of writing a thoughtful, personal response. It just might take a (long) while. This is something I would love to work on, but it's overwhelming just to think about where to start!

I'm glad I'm not the only one, though--I searched for memes to lighten this up and found that there are a ton of people who do the same thing I do. Most of the time, I reply to something mentally right when I open it, but then I forget to go back and actually type the reply!

Anyway, I'm going to work on cleaning my house really well today because my friend Shannon is coming over tomorrow--and she hasn't been here since I remodeled the whole thing. It needs a good cleaning!

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Mostly Likely To... (Me versus Jerry)

Having a few days off from blogging was nice--I constantly felt like I was forgetting to do something, though! Jerry has been off work for a week (using up his vacation time), which has been super relaxing and feels kind of like a vacation. We've had a lot of family time, which is rare these days because at least one of the four of us usually has something going on.

Since Jerry is off work tonight, we decided to turn my blog post into a sort of "date night" questionnaire. I grabbed some fun "Who is most likely...?" questions from this webpage and we went through and answered them...

1. Who is most likely to die in a zombie apocalypse?

Katie. We both agree that I would die pretty much immediately because I wouldn't even try. When the brain is in fight or flight mode, mine chooses option C: "curl up in a ball in the corner and close my eyes".

2. Who is most likely to surprise the other by bringing home a kitten?

Jerry. Absolutely Jerry. Being bipolar, you would think that it would be me, but I'm the one who overthinks EVERYTHING and I would talk myself out of it even if it was super tempting.

3. Who is most likely to have the funniest relationship stories?

Katie. We both agree on this. I am a good storyteller; I make sure to talk slowly and explain the backstory if necessary. Jerry gets so excited to tell the story that he leaves half of it out and then I end up having to explain it all again, haha.

4. Who is most likely to forget a name for someone they know?

Katie. Jerry and I laugh about this all the time because I am SO BAD with names. We've been watching a couple of shows for YEARS--Grey's Anatomy, for example--and I still don't know the names of the main characters. I always describe them as something like, "you know, that girl that was on Private Practice and had a baby with anencephaly?" Sometimes, all I have to say is "that one girl who was on that one show with what's-his-face" and Jerry knows who I'm talking about.

5. Who is most likely to steal most of the covers while in bed?

Jerry says it's me and I say it's him. I don't have any room to even move when I'm in bed! All of the cats sleep around me and I feel too bad to move them, so I am stuck in the same position all night. (And I wonder why I have insomnia...)

Now just add Phoebe next to my left thigh, because she wanted in on the fun.

6. Who is most likely to lose something in the house?

Katie. Jerry says, "Katie. 100%. And I always have to find it." I lose everything, but mostly my phone. I never carry my phone around, so I'm always looking for it. And somehow, Jerry always knows where it is, even without calling it. And calling it probably wouldn't do any good either, because I always forget to turn the ringer back on when I wake up!

7. Who is most likely to cry during a movie?

Katie, without question. I am one of the most emotional people on the planet, probably. Jerry will never let me live down the time that we went to the movies and I got choked up during during the pre-previews. I looked on YouTube for a video of it, but it's not there (which is probably a good thing, because it would be very embarrassing). I cry for all things happy or sad--it's a curse!

8. Who is most likely to burn dinner while cooking?

Jerry. He admits that he always burns onions and garlic (true). Funnily enough, though, there is a pot in the sink that we've been soaking for two days because I accidentally left a glaze in there to reduce on a low heat (for a tofu "ham"), and it burned to that pot until it became part of the pot itself. We've tried everything--dish soap, boiling water, vinegar, baking soda paste, elbow grease, you name it. It's a nice pot that we got for our wedding 19 years ago, and it's seen a lot--but I think I ruined this one.

9. Who is most likely to leave clothes all over the bedroom floor?

We can't really agree on this one, so we'll go with a movie quote that we use all the time: "I think maybe it's both." (Forrest Gump)

10. Who is most likely to watch funny cat videos on the internet all evening?

Jerry, hands-down. He just said, "That's weird, you would think that it would be you. Why is it me and not you?" I think it's because I'm more likely to get sucked down the meme rabbit hole than I am cat videos.

11. Who is most likely to be grumpy when they’re hungry?

Katie. Jerry said, "Is that even a question?" and then proceeded to mock what I sound like when I'm hungry. He's right... I am NOT the person you want to talk to or be around when I'm hungry!

I spent way too much time looking for this picture, but I *knew* I had it and it was perfect for this! I was super hungry one evening and I was pissed--I just kept staring at the pantry, waiting for something to cook itself. Jerry thought it was funny and took my picture! I was so irritated, but I'm glad I have it--because it's funny and it definitely captured my mood.

12. Who is most likely to tell the best jokes?

Jerry says that he is, no contest; I disagree. He's quick with one-liners, but as he's gotten older, they are more groaners than anything. I think he'd be funnier if he stopped laughing so hard at his own jokes before he even finishes getting them out of his mouth!

Jerry. 100%.

13. Who is most likely to go to bed before 9 pm?

Jerry falls asleep at the drop of a dime--it would definitely be him. I happen to be a night owl AND a morning person, so I stay up late and get up early every day. Not by choice, though--if my body and brain would let me fall asleep before 9 PM, I would be thrilled!

14. Who is most likely to ask for permission to do something?

Jerry. He says, "Because I'm considerate." But I hate that he asks my permission for things! And he knows that I always answer, "Why are you asking me?! I'm not your parent." We joke about it, but I'm not actually complaining; I am definitely glad that he doesn't go out and spend all kinds of money on big purchases without talking about it with me first (I do all of our finances, so I know what we can and can't afford).

15. Who is most likely to be sappy?

Jerry, for sure. I have all sorts of love notes and drawings and things to prove it! I love how thoughtful and creative he is--he's done this since we first started dating. The stuff he comes up with is super cheesy, but that's what makes it so good! (And it rubbed off on Eli, which I think is awesome.)

16. Who is most likely to win a thumb war battle?

Katie. Jerry says, "You can do that in your sleep!"  I said, "Why? Because I'm stronger than you?" and he replied, "Yes! You're a carpenter." BAHAHA. He's right, though, I always win at thumb wrestling. I don't even know why he bothers, and at the most random times. Sometimes he'll grab my hand and start pretend thumb wrestling with me until I feel bad for not playing along, and then I pin him. (I have very large hands, which I'm sure is why I always win!)

17. Who is most likely to watch a horror movie on their own?

Katie. I love horror movies as much as Jerry loves Christmas movies. I especially like the B films made of a young-20s cast playing teenagers who are usually driving for a weekend trip and decide to take a "shortcut" because the creepy guy at the gas station told them to and then they start getting picked off one by one by a killer until there is only the brainy girl left and she gets away. Those are the best.

18. Who is most likely to get annoyed by the other’s music?

Jerry says, "Psh! You. You hate my music. Even if it's music you like, you won't admit it."  He's right--I hate his music. I can't really say ALL of his music, but there are some bands that I will never understand. They just yell at the top of their lungs and you can't even make out any lyrics.

19. Who is the most likely to wash up after you’ve eaten?

Jerry. We have a deal--I cook dinner and he cleans up. I would much rather do the cooking than the cleaning! (I'm sure he probably wants to renegotiate this now, after working on that pan with the burnt glaze.)

20. Who is the most likely to make children laugh? Cry?

We're actually arguing about this right now, hahaha. I guess it depends on the kids' ages. I'm TERRIBLE with babies--they do not like me for some reason, and it's pretty much a guarantee that if I hold your baby, it's going to cry. When Jerry holds babies, they adore him. I think he's better with kids of all ages--kids are drawn to him. The only thing I'm better at is doing creative things with the kids--probably because I put way too much thought into everything--but definitely not making them laugh. Jerry's spontaneous and much more fun, so I think he's definitely more likely to make them laugh.

21. Who is most likely to get injured doing something silly?

Katie, absolutely. I don't have enough fingers to count all the bruises and little cuts or scabs I have right now--and all of them are likely from doing something silly. Yesterday, I was hanging a picture and I tripped over my own foot, knocking over the step ladder and stabbing myself with my own fingernail.

This was a bad bruise I got when I was painting the hallway. I was standing on a kitchen chair and lost my balance. My shin slid right down the front of the seat of the chair, leaving me with this beauty:

22. Who is most likely to come off social media altogether?

Katie. Jerry agrees that it's totally me. I avoid social media like the plague--which is interesting, considering I'm a blogger. Jerry is actually doing a challenge for 30 days right now; I dared him to delete the Facebook app from his phone for a month. I was so tired of hearing him complain about how people think they know everything and they have to post it all over Facebook, etc. I told him that's why I don't look at Facebook! It always gets him riled up and I told him he'd be a much happier person without reading all of that stuff. So I challenged him to get rid of Facebook for 30 days, and it was VERY hard for him to agree, but he's doing it! Today is Day 4, and I think it's killing him, but he won't admit it.

23. Who is most likely to shave all their hair off?

Jerry. But not for the reason you may think! I just wanted an excuse to share this video again, because it was hilarious.

25. Who is most likely to lose their wedding ring?

Jerry. We don't wear wedding rings now--they just seem to get in the way--but we wore them until a few years ago. Jerry actually got VERY lucky shortly after we got married. He went to an Incubus concert with our friend Lance and he was fiddling with his ring--which was very new to him, considering it was literally about a week after our wedding--and he dropped it. It started rolling down the slope of the balcony. This was before cell phones had flashlights (and probably apps to find your ring after alerting you it's not on your finger), but somehow, he managed to find it a couple of rows in front of him!

26. Who is the most likely to want to swim with sharks?

Nope nope and nope. Neither one of us. I hate the water and Jerry just doesn't see the appeal of swimming with sharks.

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That was fun! Some of the questions sparked some fun conversation (and arguments). We both agreed on almost all of the "who was most likely" for each question, though!

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Three Things Thursday #3

At my therapy session on Tuesday, my therapist and I were talking about my chronic anxiety. I feel a sense of dread all the time and I would do just about anything to make it go away. Lately, it's been really bad; I have one of the physical symptoms where it feels like someone is squeezing my throat shut. It's even hard to swallow. There is no physiological reason for it; it's just something that happens when my anxiety is high.

We talked about where it stemmed from, but I'm not going to get into that--it's a long story. But one of the things that we talked about in order to get more comfortable with certain topics is to think about writing about them. She said I don't have to write them on my blog, but one of the exercises she gave me was to think about things that I would like to do but haven't done because of anxiety.

So, I thought today's "Three Things Thursday" would be a good post for it! I haven't thought about this before, so I'm just winging it as I write. Here they are--three things that I would like to do but won't do them because of anxiety...

1) Be a running coach.

Technically, I already am--I am RRCA-certified--but I've never used my certification to coach people. (I obviously coach cross country to third-fifth graders, but I'm not counting that.) I would like to work one-on-one with people to help them either start running or to reach certain goals while running. I've gotten countless emails from people who have successfully used my running plans, and I love hearing the feedback. But since the running plans are free, I don't feel so much responsibility. If someone was paying me to coach them, I would feel like their success rests on my shoulders.

I think I would be very good at coaching, but I have too much anxiety to actually do it. I would worry too much about whether my clients were meeting their goals and if they weren't, I would beat myself up, thinking it was my fault. I'm a perfectionist, so I would spend way too much time trying to make everything perfect.

I've had several people email me and ask if I take running clients, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I would want the experience to be perfect for them and if it's anything less than, I would feel responsible. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but it definitely causes anxiety.

When I got my coaching certification in 2013

2) Write a memoir.

I can't even count the number of times people have told me I should write a memoir. I actually had written a first draft several years ago! But I knew I would never attempt to publish it because I would have constant anxiety about reading reviews. I know that not everybody loves every book they read (I'm certainly one of them) but reading criticism about something as vulnerable as a memoir would just be too much for me. I take everything to heart and reading criticism about my insecurities would really make me want to crawl into a hole and hide forever.

This is similar to writing whatever I want to on my blog. There are a lot of things I'd love to write about or that would feel therapeutic to write, but unfortunately, I worry about the reaction I would get. They might be no big deal, but for some reason, certain topics or ideas make me extremely anxious to write about. Perhaps it's because there are people I know who read my blog, or because I know I will get negative comments that make me feel insecure, or maybe another reason.

Writing vulnerable posts always makes me feel anxious, regardless of the topic. Usually, I feel so much better when I see that nothing horrible happens, so I don't know why I have such anxiety about it. And most of the time, I get a very positive response from people who may be going through the same things. A lot of people tell me they are grateful for the vulnerable posts I share. I just wish I had the nerve to share more!

I really like this little philosophy below, but it's hard to imagine feeling such at ease with criticism. Maybe someday!

3) Go on a cross-country road trip all by myself.

This one isn't so much due to anxiety as it is practicality, I guess. If I didn't have any worries at home and if money wasn't an object (ha!), I would love to drive all the way across the country all by myself. I would stop wherever I felt like stopping, and see whatever sights I felt like seeing. I wouldn't have a phone except for emergencies (and a camera). I would talk with locals and hopefully meet some interesting people.

I wouldn't share about it on social media or anything like that. I'd just keep a journal and write about what I did each day. I would even pick up hitchhikers (this is a theoretical trip, so don't lecture me!) and listen to their stories. I would take all the back roads to enjoy the parts of the country I would never see otherwise.

Seeing Seattle from the Space Needle (not a road trip, but definitely fun!)

Wow, writing about this theoretical trip makes it sound so romantic--I wish it could actually happen! But I would have way too much anxiety about what's happening at home and how much money it would be costing me, and I would feel guilty doing it without my family. It's just a dream that I never really knew I had until I started listing it out here, haha.

Well, there it is--three things that I would like to do but can't or won't because of anxiety (and practicality). One of the major reasons I started seeing a therapist again is to work on my anxiety and start doing things that "normal" people do without feeling so nervous about it.

I'd love to hear what some of you would like to do but just haven't had the nerve. Are they rational anxieties? Do you hope to do them someday? Please share!

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Too Much Like My Dad (a writing prompt)

I wanted to write about something light-hearted today and as I was reading through some writing prompts online, there was one that sparked a recent funny story. The writing prompt was: "Have you ever been embarrassed by something your family did? Why or why not?"

First, I have to give a little background info about my dad. He's always been thrifty, creative, stubborn, and most certainly a DIY'er. I can't remember him ever calling a plumber or carpenter or anything like that--he likes to figure things out himself. (And yes, I definitely take after my dad!)

I asked my dad to show me how to change the oil in my car

On Father's Day a few years back, I wrote out a list of some "life lessons" --dad-style. 

There are so many things my dad has taught me over the years: 

-Eating carrots will make you see better.
-Garbage disposals are not to be used for anything! EVER!!!
-Shoes don't have to be worn in matching pairs, as long as each shoe fits.
-Same goes for socks. And gloves.
-Eating walnuts will keep you warm when ice fishing.
-Maxi pads (or Super Glue) make great bandaids.
-When you're a kid, you're on-call to bleed brakes whenever Dad's working on a car.
-Real fishermen don't use gizmos and gadgets; they just know where the fish are.
-All the radiation from Fermi (a nuclear power plant that we live very close to) means you have to talk twice as loud on a cordless phone so that people can hear you.

While I wrote this tongue-in-cheek, these are all things that have stories behind them. Here's one...

Jeanie, my sister, is eight years older than me, so we weren't very close growing up. This story went right over my head when I was younger and I had no idea why it was funny. Jeanie was in high school at the time and she had a group of friends over one day. My dad was playing baseball and he wound up with a large abrasion on his leg after sliding into second base.

Ever the creative DIY'er, rather than get bandages for it, he took a maxi pad from the bathroom and pressed it over his wound. He secured it with tape, and voilà! An instant bandaid for a large abrasion. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense--maxi pads are meant to absorb blood, after all--but it was unconventional and kind of funny.

Jeanie, however, did *not* find humor in it at all. As a teenager with a bunch of friends over, you can imagine how horrified she was when her dad walked back out with a maxi pad taped to his leg! She was completely embarrassed and told him to go inside and take it off.

Somehow, this story gets brought up once in a while when my family gets together. As an adult, I can definitely appreciate his creative thinking; but I am thankful that it was Jeanie's friends who saw it and not mine at that age!

A couple of weeks ago was Eli's homecoming dance at school. He and his girlfriend had broken up just a week prior, so he wasn't sure if he was going to the dance. I really wanted him to go because it would be good for him to do something fun after the break-up. Even the morning of the dance, he said he wasn't sure. (That's Eli, though--he's not very good at planning.)

In the early afternoon, he announced that he was going to the dance with a few (male) friends. (Is it still a thing to call it "going stag"?) I was SO happy that he was going; I told him to have fun and if he wants to do something after the dance, that's cool too.

He called me toward the end of the dance to ask if his friends could come back to our house--they could play the Xbox and just do whatever it is that teen boys do. I said sure--I hadn't heard him sound that happy in a long time.

Meanwhile, Jerry and I noticed that Joey had a hot spot on his back (a raw patch of skin caused from him scratching and chewing there--I'm not sure what caused the itching). We didn't have a cone to put on him to keep him from making it worse, so I was trying to come up with something. He had a hot spot a while ago, and we put a t-shirt on him--it worked great! But the location of this one couldn't have been more inconvenient (on his back, about six inches in front of his tail).

Being my father's daughter, I had the brilliant idea to put a panty liner on it. Then I wrapped an ace bandage around and underneath him, placed so that he'd still be able to go to the bathroom. It wasn't pretty, but it worked.

You can see where this story is headed...

I was in my bedroom, which is right next to the living room. I heard Eli and his friends come in after the dance, and Joey was super excited to have new "friends" petting him. Then I heard one of them ask Eli what was wrong, and why did Joey have a bandage on his back.

I was horrified--not for my 40-year old self, but for 16-year old Eli, hahaha. I hoped that the ace bandage covered the panty liner enough that they wouldn't notice what it was. After the boys went out to the garage to play the Xbox, I checked on Joey and it was clear as day (to me, anyway) that it was a panty liner.

I started laughing. I realized then that I am most certainly like my dad. I am all about practicality, and the older I get, the less I care what people think. When I start wearing mismatched shoes on purpose, it may be time to rethink things ;)

In all seriousness, I'm lucky to have a pretty cool dad. He's an expert fisherman and car mechanic; an extremely talented artist; a drill sergeant of a baseball (and softball) coach ("perfect practice makes perfect"); a very funny story teller; an old-school-but-still-cool dad; and the most amazing "Pay" to my kids. If I share some of his traits, well, I'm not complaining!

With my dad and Jeanie

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Three Things Thursday

It's already 8:00 PM and I haven't had a single moment to write a post today--it's been one of those days that just feels non-stop busy. I just got home from cross country practice and I wanted to write a post before I finally eat dinner. On the way home from practice, I was trying to come up with something to write that wouldn't take me forever, and for some reason, "Three Things Thursday" popped into my head. I don't know if that's even a thing, but I like alliteration and it sounded good to me, haha.

I'm just completely winging this post...

Three things that make me feel happy:

1. Hearing Noah and Eli laugh together about something. They have very different personalities and they don't hang out together often, so when they do, it warms my heart. And when they laugh together? Well, I could die happy knowing they are having fun together. (As I write this, they are working out together at the rec center)

This picture was actually a year ago. I need some new ones of the two of them!

2. When I wake up and realize I just slept for more than a few hours. It's rare!

3. Reading a good book that sucks me right in from the beginning.

Three things that make me feel calm:

1. A clean and quiet house. I don't know why it is, but I cannot fully relax unless my house is clean. Maybe that's why I have so much anxiety all the time, haha. I should clean more ;)

2. Having a whole day with nothing on the calendar.

3. A long, easy run. When I was trying to come up with a third response, I surprised myself with this one! When I think about it, running at a very easy pace while listening to a podcast is calming to me. As long as I don't have an agenda as far as heart rate, distance, or time--just an easy run. (Remind me of this next week when I say that I haven't run, despite my intentions!)

Three things that make me feel annoyed:

1. Being interrupted when I'm writing. Just ask my family!

2. When people look at their phone notifications or other stuff on their phone while trying to have a conversation.

3. When the kids explode their food in the microwave and don't clean it up. 

Three things that make me feel confident:

1. When I get dressed in "real" clothes and do my hair and make-up.

2. Talking about running.

3. Solving logic problems.

Three things that make me feel stressed:

1. Trying to figure out what to make for dinner.

2. Trying to figure out what to write about on my blog.

3. Thinking about catching up on email.

Three things that make me feel nostalgic:

1. Looking at pictures of my kids from when they were little.

2. The smell of Curve (Jerry wore this cologne when we first started dating, and even though he's tried switching it up through the years, I will always want him to wear Curve.)

3. Talking with friends about the days before social media. I miss the late 90s and early 2000s!

Three things that make me feel old:

1. When my kids tell Jerry and I that we are "five-years-ago-cool". HAHAHA.

2. Candid photos of me. There is something that always makes me think, "Is that really me?!"

3. When I see the signs for the legal drinking age saying "You must be born after 20XX" to buy alcohol. I was born in 1982!

Okay, I could keep going on forever... this turned out to be a fun post to write! There are a million "emotion" words to choose from, so maybe I'll do this on the regular. A good writing prompt, if nothing else!

Well, I have a pizza crust and vegan mozzarella in the fridge calling my name, so I'm going to make some dinner and maybe get to finish my book before bed :)

(And naturally, after choosing a few photos for this post and getting them ready to upload, Blogger appears to be broken or something...? It won't let me post photos! I'm going to try again after I eat. If not, hopefully it'll be fixed tomorrow--because I have no idea how to fix it. Edit: Well, I was able to add a picture this morning, so it's working now.)

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7 Fun Random Questions and Answers

I am in desperate need of a fun, silly, relaxed blog post. I have been super stressed out about so many different things lately and I am tired of thinking about serious stuff! I just want to write something meaningless.

Today, I accidentally deleted all 45,000 photos from my computer. Yes, you read that correctly. I had planned to back them up to an external hard drive, but I moved them instead of copied them and it was a huge mess. It's still a huge mess. So I can't really find photos easily right now unless I know exactly when they were taken. There are no faces or places identified. I just can't even write about it because I'm upset. Soooo....

I looked for some icebreaker questions on Google and I picked some that were appropriate for the blog. Here are seven random not-to-be-taken-seriously questions!

1) What is your spirit animal? (The animal that is most similar to your personality)

*I would have to say a squirrel. This post pretty much explains it all, and it was one of the most fun posts I've ever written: "All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Squirrels". Squirrels are super anxious (just like me!) and a bit gluttonous when given the opportunity, haha. It takes a lot to get them to trust you. But once they do, they will be great companions. Which is a lot like me--I don't trust people easily and I'm very intuitive to others' feelings/intentions. If I get a bad vibe, I'm outta there (just like a squirrel). I wish I could say I was as fast or as dodgy as squirrels (they'd make great soccer players!) but they surpass me in athleticism.

2) What is your favorite seat on an airplane?

*I am VERY particular about this when I fly! I'm a super nervous flyer (I literally white-knuckle the whole flight), so my preferred seat is this: when facing the cockpit, I like to sit on the left side of the plane in a window seat. I like to it to be just barely in front of the wing. Looking out at the wing makes me feel "grounded" somehow and there is less turbulence there.

Funny story: I was SURE to choose a window seat for a flight, like I usually do, and when I got to my seat, this was my "window". REALLY, Delta?! I could not have had more anxiety in that seat than anywhere else on the plane. I need to be able to see the wing to feel "grounded". 

My older brother, Brian, is a Delta pilot (he was promoted to Captain just before COVID!) and I always ask him about the turbulence before my flights while I wait to board. Other pilots report areas of turbulence, so he can pull up a chart and tell me how the flight looks. This helps so much with my anxiety!

3) What's the worst haircut you've ever had?

*Well, now, I just wrote recently about all of my horrible hairstyles as a kid. To pick just one is going to be tough. I'll do a small collage and you can decide!

4) What two things do you consider yourself to be very good at?

*I would have to say that I'm very good at writing. Don't judge me by my blog! My blog is not my best writing; it's more of a journal. I've always been a great creative writer, though. I used to write short stories and poems when I was a kid, and I would win creative writing awards.

When teachers asked about what we wanted to be when we grew up, I always answered "an author", but they told me I'd need a back-up plan because it's very difficult to make money as a writer. Maybe a blogger isn't what I had in mind because it didn't exist back then, but it's working out for me now ;)

This is a book I wrote in third grade for a young author's contest, hahaha. I never said I was good at drawing!

Another thing I'm very good at is reading people's emotions--I can read between the lines very well, and if someone is feeling bad, I can sense it. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time; when others aren't happy, I feel it myself, and it is really hard on me. On the other hand, I can do whatever is in my power to help them.

5) What two things do you consider yourself to be very bad at?

*I am terrible at meeting new people and making small talk. I wish I could be charming and clever and funny (my older brother, Brian, fits that definition). I am very quiet and shy, and I guess I just don't feel worthy of getting to know. I feel like if someone talks to me, they are only being polite rather than being interested in what I have to say. (Okay, this isn't light-hearted anymore, so I'll move on!)

*Another thing I'm very bad at is replying to texts or phone calls. It has nothing to do with the person who is trying to get in touch with me, though. I am the world's slowest texter (I type with one finger) and it makes me crazy wasting my time typing out a text. So sadly, a lot of texts go without a reply--the people who know me best expect that, though. When I text from my computer, my replies are WAY too long, haha. I can type very fast on the computer.

6) What is your favorite smell and why?

*Hands down, my favorite smell is Curve, the cologne for men. Jerry wore it when we dated and he still wears it to this day because he knows how much I love it. I makes me feel so nostalgic and happy and just in love. There is nothing that makes me feel more safe and loved when Jerry is wearing Curve and we're cuddling on the couch watching a movie.

7) What “old person” things do you do?

*Hahaha, I do a lot of "old people" things! Something that I started doing over the past few years that really makes me feel old, though, is that I watch TV with the closed captions turned on. My hearing isn't great anymore and it's much easier for me to watch a show if the captions are on so that I don't miss something. When I was a kid, I remember my friend's mom always had the captions on and it drove me crazy! Now I feel bad for my kids when I turn on the captions, so I try to keep them off if I'm watching something with them.

It actually became kind of a running joke between Jerry and me, so he had these shirts made for our anniversary (in 2020). We always laugh at some of the captions on TV and one of them is [chuckles]. So he put that on a shirt (with our picture) and "since 1999", which is when we started dating.

Okay, well, that was a fun post and just what I needed today! [chuckles]

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The Line-Up I'd Choose If I Was a TV Character

This is kind of a fun post that I've been wanting to write for a long time. If you don't watch much TV, then you should probably skip over this post. 

A lot of times, when I'm watching a TV show, I'll think (or say out loud to Jerry) something like, "I wish I could be best friends with her!" or "I would totally want him to be my therapist!" or things like that. Obviously, I'm talking about the characters of the show (and not the "real life" actors).

I am SURE I am forgetting about characters I've talked about and it will hit me later, but here is what I came up with for now. The "perfect line-up" in a fictional life:

Dad: Jack Pearson from 'This Is Us'

    - I'm pretty sure everybody who has ever seen this show thought the same thing!

Mom: Lorelai Gilmore from 'Gilmore Girls'

    - SO FUNNY. I wish I was that quick with one-liners!

Sister: Mindy Lahiri on 'The Mindy Project'

    - She's so quirky and awkward but in a totally endearing way; you can't help but love her. I would choose her for either sister or best friend.

Brother: Michael Scofield from 'Prison Break'

    - Yes, he's super intense; but he would clearly do ANYTHING for his sibling, so being his sister wouldn't be a bad idea ;)

Husband: Greg Otto from 'American Housewife'

    - Greg is just an all-around good guy/husband/dad. He's funny and just goes with the flow. He reminds me a lot of Jerry, actually!

Son: Clay Jensen from '13 Reasons Why'

    - What a gosh-darn good kid! He has a heart of gold and just wants everyone to get along. An old soul--he reminds me a lot of Eli in that way.

Daughter(s): Daphne Vasquez from 'Switched at Birth'

    - Aside from her adorable smile, I loved Daphne's innocence and how she seemed to see the good in everybody. Also, I love sign language, so watching her sign was one of my favorite parts of the show.

Grandmother: Sophia Petrillo from 'The Golden Girls'

    - I love that she holds nothing back and speaks her mind in such a hilarious way

Grandfather: Zeek Braverman from 'Parenthood'

    - The wisdom he shared with his kids and grandkids left an impression on me. I even wrote down a few profound quotes of his.

Aunt: Roseanne Conner from 'Roseanne'

    - She would be the totally fun aunt that you'd want to stay the weekend with, but glad to head back home afterward. She's hilarious! 

Uncle: Dan Conner from 'Roseanne'

    - Roseanne wouldn't be as funny without Dan. They play off each other so well!

Best Friend: George O'Malley from 'Grey's Anatomy'

    - Good old George! He was always seen as "one of the girls" with the female characters because he was sweet and caring. He was a sincerely good friend to everyone.

Other Friends: Katie Otto from 'American Housewife'

    - She reminds me of myself, if I was an extrovert. She says a lot of the things I would be thinking, only I wouldn't say them out loud, haha.

Schmidt from 'New Girl'

    - Schmidt would be so much fun to be friends with--his dramatics are very entertaining, to say the least.

Joey Tribbiani from 'Friends'

    - Of course I *had* to include a "friend" here, and I chose Joey. He's probably my favorite of all the friends and his loyalty is taken for granted sometimes.

Spencer Reid from 'Criminal Minds'

    - I really love listening to extremely smart people talk about interesting things, and I'm sure I could listen to Spencer talk about forensics all day long every day.

Boyfriend: Jackson Avery from 'Grey's Anatomy'

    - I didn't choose him simply because he's so gosh darn pretty to look at. Or his amazing, mesmerizing eyes. Or his ridiculously charming smile. Jackson has a big heart and is determined to make his own way despite the "Avery" name.

Psychiatrist/Therapist: Dr. Charles from 'Chicago Med'

    - I simply adore Dr. Charles! He could be my dad, grandfather, therapist, you name it. But I think therapist is perfect for him. He's a great listener with a ton of compassion for people with mental illness.

Doctor: Dr. House from 'House'

    - While his personality might be a big turn-off to most people, I actually really like that he speaks his mind and is pretty cynical of just about everything. Haha! He would be the best doctor to have because he could tell you exactly what's wrong with you before you even finish listing your symptoms.

Teacher: Walter White from 'Breaking Bad'

    - I liked "Mr. White" from the beginning of the show--the teacher who was excited about chemistry (despite the lack of enthusiasm in his students). He was innocent and just trying to make a honest living for his family. The "Mr. White" from the first season would definitely be my pick for teacher.

Roommate: Jack McFarland from 'Will & Grace'

    - Constant entertainment. Actually, we'd probably be terrible roommates because I'm so introverted and he's... well, NOT. He would probably drive me crazy when I need quiet time. But his personality is so much fun! 

Police Officer: Vic Mackey from 'The Shield'

    - The Shield was one of the best shows on TV, and Vic's character was one of those love/hate types. Sometimes you love him for being a "bad cop", but sometimes he can be a total jerk. Regardless, he'd be a good cop to have on your side if you needed one!

Lawyer: Olivia Pope from 'Scandal'

    - Definitely not someone you want to mess with. She will learn all of your secrets and not be afraid to expose them. So I'd want her on MY side--again, in case I am ever in need.

Neighbor: William from 'This Is Us'

    - I just had to include William somewhere; the love he had for his family in such a short amount of time was so sweet and I wished he'd had them in his life from when he was young. If he was my lonely neighbor, I'd invite him over for dinner every day and to spend holidays with my family. 

Chef: Gabi Diamond from 'Young & Hungry'

    - I love that she cooks food I would actually eat instead of all that fancy stuff that chefs typically make! Grilled cheese? Yes, please. And her personality is adorable.

 Okay, that's what I could come up with for now! Like I said, I KNOW I am missing people who will pop into my head later, but this was fun to think about. So many choices!

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