Where to Start...?

I am here and I am alive :)  The longer I go without writing, the harder it is to get in the mood to write. I wish I had lots to say, but I honestly can't come up with much of anything at all to say.

I am not doing well. Physically, I've healed from my surgery. The scar doesn't bother me at all. The loose and puckered skin does, but there is nothing I can do about that. I haven't gone to my six-week post-op visit yet, so I don't know if my thyroid hormones are still normal. I am just really hoping that everything is normal and I don't need medication.

Mentally, I am so angry at myself for completely letting myself go in the summer when my headache started. My non-stop headache for four months gave me an excuse to eat and not exercise. I just couldn't focus on anything when my head was hurting, and I made myself feel better by eating junk. And moving around a lot made it worse, so I was the least active I'd been in a long time.

By the time I got my tooth extracted (effectively killing my headache) I had developed horrible habits that I'm still having a hard time changing. My weight is higher than it's been in probably three years, maybe longer--167. In August, it was 145.

[Because I'm sure someone will mention it, I'm 99% sure that my thyroid had nothing to do with the weight gain. It was my bad eating habits for sure. No excuses there.]

I need to make a plan. I'm miserable at this size, which I know sounds ridiculous considering I used to be like eight sizes larger than this, but I just do not feel good in my own skin. I'm a lot saggier than I was when I was running regularly, which is making me want to start running again. I would be a REAL beginner again--only 15 years older than last time, hahaha.

My clothes don't fit and thrift stores are now very expensive so I'm resisting buying clothes--and holding out hope I can lose enough weight to get back into my wardrobe soon.

Needless to say, I am not happy with myself right now. My psychiatrist just added a medication to hopefully help with this stubborn episode of depression. I don't think I've had an episode like this since before my bipolar diagnosis in 2017.

I would end this with promises of writing again soon, but clearly I cannot hold myself to that! I will definitely try though. I really want to write a plan of action to get my life back on track. We've had mild weather for the last couple of days (after tons of snow and ice and miserable cold all winter) so I am hoping that the change in weather will help my mood, too!

Continue Reading...

Slim vs. Overweight Eating Habits

I completely forgot how I wound up in the Reddit rabbit hole today (that's how it usually goes--I might google a quick question, read a response on Reddit, then a couple of hours later, forget what I even googled, haha), but I saw a question on the subreddit r/NoStupidQuestions and I found it SUPER interesting. As the name describes, r/NoStupidQuestions is a place to ask questions that you are genuinely curious about--and no question is "too stupid" to ask.

This one was regarding weight and the habits of slim versus overweight eating habits, and I spent more time than I care to admit reading the responses. They were so diverse and and it was a really great read. Here is the question:

You can find the thread here on Reddit.

If it's too hard to read, here is what it says:

"Are slim people lying about how much they eat or are they just blessed with a good metabolism? For a lot of my life I've been overweight, in the last few years I've lost weight but I'm definitely not slim, I'd say possibly midsize. I eat healthy and stay in suggested calories but really struggle to get to a slim weight. Are slim people lying about how much they eat and it's an unspoken rule to eat a smaller amount or are they just blessed with a great metabolism?"

There are over 7,000 comments at the time I'm writing this, so it's way too much to read them all, but I did read a lot of them. It seems the majority of people tend to believe that slim people eat less food altogether and overweight people eat more than they think they do. Not that they are necessarily lying to themselves, but that they just don't realize how much they're actually consuming.

I've been tracking my weight for so long, and I tracked calories on and off for the better part of two decades, so I'm very in tune with how my body reacts to my diet. I have *always* lost weight when cutting back on calories/food, and gained weight when eating more. My weight is super predictable based on how much I've been eating (meaning calories, not volume), so I certainly can't fool myself. But I think it's probably a trap that a lot of people fall into--thinking that they are eating a lot less calories than they actually are.

Some people in the thread suggested watching the British show called Secret Eaters. It features people who believe that they just can't lose weight, despite trying "everything". The show's producers have people follow them around and tally up what they're actually eating, and it's *very* eye-opening to them to see just how many calories they eat. I only watched one episode of it, but it did a good job of answering this Reddit question. (Obviously it doesn't apply to all slim or overweight people; the whole thread is speaking in general terms.)

What I found most interesting about the thread is when people talked about their own eating habits. Some people considered four Oreos to be "too much" and said after that they would be sick. Others said how they can eat a whole sleeve of Oreos and feel like it wasn't too much because they didn't eat the entire package. And yet others said that they would maybe eat two or three and then feel bad about it later because they didn't need it.

The thing that stuck out the most to me was a discussion about how some slim people can "eat whatever they want and not gain weight". Someone stated that when a slim person tells an overweight person that they can eat whatever they want and not gain weight, the overweight person may assume that the two are eating the same foods. However, the slim person may not enjoy Oreos, chips, candy, or whatever other high-calorie foods the overweight person may be imagining.

I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense! If a thin friend told me, "I can eat anything I want and not gain weight" or "I can eat as much as I want and not gain weight" I would have assumed that they were probably blessed with a high metabolism. In reality, it could be that they eat until they don't want anymore (and maybe that's what I would consider to be a small amount) or that they just prefer foods that happen to be lower in calories and they don't want junk food. So, they're actually eating "whatever they want" as well as "as much as they want"--they just have different wants than I would. Hopefully that makes sense!

There are so many various responses to the thread--I suggested checking it out if you're interested. It helps put into perspective the diets of "slim" versus "overweight" people, and I learned a quite a bit about how people think in regards to their diet! (Here is a link to the post)

Continue Reading...

A Lesson In Weight Maintenance

If you've been following my blog for several years, then you know how much my weight goes up and down. I'm not proud of that, but I am grateful that I have kept the majority of the weight off for most of those years. When you look at this graph of my weight, you can see just how much it's fluctuated.

This starts on August 19, 2009, when I began the 125-pound weight loss journey

For each of those dips in the graph, where my weight gets into the goal range, here is a corresponding photo:

December 2010 - December 2011 - December 2012

(Apparently December is a good "goal weight" month for me, haha)

November 2015 - November 2017 - September 2022

And finally... this is my most recent weigh-in photo:

For anyone that has lost a large amount of weight and maintained it, I am in awe of you! Losing the weight was hard, but I had an end goal--I wanted to reach my goal weight. It wasn't until after I reached my goal that I learned just how challenging maintenance is.

I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going to make changes that I wasn't willing to live with forever--and that certainly helped me. I didn't do anything crazy to lose the weight, so keeping it off was more do-able than it would have been otherwise. But I still struggled with it so badly.

Over the years, I stopped having a real "goal weight" and I now have more of a "happy weight"--or a maintenance range. I'd like to stick around 130 pounds; that is where I feel my best. But I'll be happy if I can keep it between 125-135 to allow for *normal* fluctuations.

In the last few weeks, I've started to think more and more about something I've discovered is going to be crucial to maintaining my weight loss. Of all the times I've entered maintenance mode, I never really figured out how to maintain my weight without constantly being careful about what and how much I ate. I hated thinking about it all the time. It was stressful!

I haven't counted calories in a year and a half, and it's so hard to imagine going back to it; with any luck, I won't have to. Still, I think it was necessary at first because it really helped me to get used to smaller portions. I also used the food tracker to see what kind of nutrition I was getting, and to try to increase my fiber.

This new discovery was entirely subconscious; I didn't even really realize I was doing it. I'll try and explain it the best I can...

Ever since becoming vegan, my reasons for food choices (both what I eat and the portion sizes) have changed. (This isn't necessarily due to being vegan, but that's what triggered it.) In the past, I struggled with willpower, motivation, and determination to lose the weight. I relied heavily on willpower to make healthier choices, and I managed to do it long enough to lose 125 pounds. However, I didn't learn how to continue those choices without willpower. You can only white-knuckle something for so long.

When I became vegan, I wanted to make sure I was getting the best nutrition I could. A diet without meat, dairy, or eggs was entirely foreign to me, so it was a little scary. I'd read a lot about "gut health" and I focused on eating more fiber for that reason--not for weight loss or to feel full sooner, or anything like that. I just wanted to be healthy.

Most foods that have a lot of fiber (not fiber that has been added artificially to food, but naturally-occurring fiber) pack a lot of nutrition as well. I chose foods that I enjoyed that just so happened to have a lot of fiber.

I tried to cut out a lot of foods that offered little fiber, but not enough to deprive myself of things that I enjoyed--like dessert. With my blog title being "Runs for Cookies", it's clear that I love dessert. While I was losing weight in the past, I ate some sort of dessert/sweets just about every single day. I counted the calories for it and I still lost weight. Weight loss was my main goal, and it worked! I was able to eat my dessert and reach my goal weight.

I was still binge eating once in a while, almost always on sweets, when I lost the willpower to stick with a small portion. And I couldn't IMAGINE my life without sweets in it! Why give up sweets when I could eat them AND lose weight?

Sometime over the last year or so, I started seeing it differently. Yes, I can still eat sweets and lose weight. However, when I started eating a much healthier diet, I discovered that certain foods trigger me to eat larger portions or to crave sweets in a horrible way.

I cannot even describe what a sugar craving feels like to me. It's torture! Before I lost the weight back in 2009-2010, I remember eating corn syrup straight out of the bottle one time because we didn't have anything sweet in the house. (How gross is that?!) That's just how bad my cravings got.

When I started losing weight, I felt like it was easiest and made the most sense to eat what I was craving. Crave ice cream - eat ice cream - craving satisfied. I had cravings every single day, but I made sure to save calories in order to satisfy that craving. And like I said, I was able to lose weight that way.

Since I started eating a lot healthier (which I attribute to both a vegan and high-fiber diet), I discovered another way to curb my cravings. To get rid of them altogether! I don't know how or why it happened, but I was without anything sweet in the house for several days. There must have been some reason I couldn't go to the store; I don't remember. But the point is, I went four days without sweets.

After four days, I realized my cravings had gone away. Still, I tried to convince myself I was craving something sweet because I was so used to it; but when I tried to think about what sounded good to me, I couldn't think of anything! At that moment, I figured I might as well ride it out--if I was able to say no, then I wanted to say no as long as I could (knowing that dessert has pretty much no nutritional value whatsoever). 

I continued going dessert-free, waiting for my cravings to come back. They never did!

I have no pictures to really fit in with this post, so here is one of me with Brussels sprouts. That seems to fit in.

Then, when Jerry and I went out to dinner at a vegan restaurant last fall, someone bought us dessert. I would have felt bad saying no, and I knew that having half of a cookie wasn't going to hurt my weight loss at all.

After I ate the cookie, it was like someone had flipped a switch in my brain. I couldn't stop thinking about more and more dessert. My cravings were super intense. Logically, I knew if I could go a few days without sweets, the cravings would subside; but holy hell, it was miserable. It took a while before I was able to go several days without dessert again, and when I did, I realized my sugar cravings were gone.

There were a few more times where I did the same thing. Ate dessert even though I didn't *really* crave it, and then that triggered cravings all over again. In July sometime, I finally made the decision to not eat sweets if I was able to say no. It's so much easier to forgo dessert altogether than it is to have it once in a while. (FOR ME--obviously, everybody is different, so this may not be the case for others.)

I remember specifically in July when I made a vegan chocolate cake for Noah's birthday (it is seriously the best chocolate cake EVER--vegan or not). When I made the cake in July, I didn't have that intense feeling of wanting to have a piece. I didn't even lick the spoon or swipe a bit of frosting.

My dad recently made a rhubarb pie and asked to bake it at my house (my parents' oven stopped working when the power went back on a few weeks ago after the storm). I *love* rhubarb, and he told me to take some; I knew if I did, though, I wouldn't be able to stop craving more.

And for once in my life, it wasn't because I didn't want the extra calories; it was because I knew it would make me have horrible cravings for days afterward. Eating the dessert wasn't worth it to me because I hate obsessing over food. Again, it was easier not to have any at all than it was to have even a tiny piece.

That was a big moment for me--it was when I realized that I was maturing in this whole weight loss/healthy eating journey I've been on for the majority of my life. When the sugar is out of my system, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice to forgo dessert at all. I'm making that choice to avoid feeling so uncomfortable in my own mind, obsessing over more sugar. Even if it had/has no effect on my weight, I would still make the same choice just so that I would not have the cravings.

I made a big mistake on Saturday when we went to Eastern Market. One of the vendors sells the most amazing caramel corn, which happens to be vegan. She handed me a sample and before I could even think about it, I ate three kernels of popcorn. It was such a minute amount of sugar that I didn't think much of it. But I became obsessed with that popcorn--Jerry had bought a bag of it, and all day Saturday and Sunday, I could think of practically nothing else. The kids finished it on Sunday night, but my cravings didn't stop; I started thinking about other sweets.

Knowing how it affects me, I just need to ride it out for another day or two and then the cravings will subside. But it has been a very tough few days!

I think that learning these things about my mind/body is going to be crucial to maintaining my weight. I am so tired of the big ups and downs. I mentioned this before, but I think that finding a WHY that doesn't have anything to do with weight loss is the only way I'm going to be able to maintain my weight.

When I look at the big changes I've made over the last few years, there is one common denominator in how I've managed to stick with them--and it has nothing to do with willpower.

1) I stopped drinking because it had become a problem for me and I just felt crappy in general--both mentally and physically--from drinking. I have no desire to go back to drinking; I do think about it once in a while, but my reasons for not drinking far outweigh the short-lived "fun" of drinking.

2) I started eating more fiber to have a healthy digestive system. I also wanted to lower my cholesterol and I knew that a high-fiber diet had the potential to do that.

3) I became vegan for ethical reasons--nothing to do with weight loss--so eating a vegan diet is super easy for me. I don't have any cravings for the non-vegan food I used to eat.

4) And now, learning what I have about how sugar affects my mind and body, I'm able to say no to sweets. Again, not for weight loss reasons; I just don't want to obsess over food.

None of those reasons are because of wanting to lose weight.

Hopefully, all of this makes sense! It seems like it should have been obvious all along, but it's been very eye-opening to see the pieces fall into place (quitting drinking, eating more fiber, becoming vegan, and now learning how sugar affects me). If found a WHY that doesn't include weight loss.

And, ironically, perhaps this is the key to weight maintenance. I guess we'll see! ;)

Continue Reading...

Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 117 (and other stats)

Holy smokes! My heart feels so full of love and kindness from the comments on yesterday's post, and I can't tell you how grateful I am to have connected with so many of you. I've had a lot of amazing opportunities come my way since I started Runs for Cookies, but nothing compares to all of the friends I've made (whether online or in person). I don't just mean that in regards to yesterday's post, either. It's kind of mind-blowing to me how one little portion of my life (losing weight in 2009-2010) led to making friends all over the world.

I have some exciting numbers to post today, and I'm not referring to my weight (although I'm happy with that). I had my annual lipid profile done a couple of days ago! First, though, my weigh-in:

I was at 131.0 last time (two weeks ago), and my weight was at 129.8 today. So, I'm down 1.2 pounds and this time, I know it wasn't due to feeling overwhelmed. During my week away from the computer, I ate regular, healthy meals and it felt great to get back to a good routine.

I still haven't had any sweets--I think it's been about a month now?--which is totally unlike me. However, I *know* that if I do eat something sweet, I'm going to start craving more big time. I even made some peanut butter brownies today for my mom's birthday and I asked Noah and Eli to taste test them for me.

In the past, if I decided to forgo dessert, it was because I was trying to save on calories. Now, it's entirely based on the fact that it makes me crave sugar so much that I end up giving in--over and over. I don't think there is anything wrong with eating dessert now and then if I can control it, but I hate dealing with the cravings that follow.

Anyway, I was very nervous to get my lipid panel done; I have to get it checked every year for health insurance purposes. Last year, I'd been eating vegan for about nine months and my numbers improved. But this year, I've continued eating vegan and I felt like the bloodwork would be an accurate gauge of how my diet has improved my health (or not).

Background: Several of my family members have high cholesterol. And for the 20 years I've been having my cholesterol checked yearly, my total number has been high. My doctor has always said it's fine because I have an abnormally high amount of HDL ("good") cholesterol--it's always hovered between 90-100-ish. Every year, my doctor would write a note for the health insurance company stating that my risk of heart disease was negligible, and that the total is high because the HDL is high. (The insurance company charges a premium if your total cholesterol is high.)

When my total cholesterol hit a high of 285 a couple of years ago, I started looking more closely at the individual HDL and LDL ("bad" cholesterol) numbers. And when I saw how high the LDL was (173), I knew that the HDL wasn't going to out-benefit that number. It was scary-high.

I started a vegan diet January of 2022--and that was solely due to ethical and environmental reasons. I hoped my health would benefit, but that didn't play a part in my decision (if it had, I would have started eating vegan a long time ago). I know that my diet isn't "the norm"--especially in my family.

I never say anything about my diet unless someone asks, and I always hope that no one mentions it when I decline food at a get-together. I certainly don't expect people to cater to my diet. I don't want to feel like I have to explain my choices to people who have their minds set on what they perceive is the ideal diet. (It's kind of like when people ask why I don't drink. I'm usually the oddball for not drinking and if I explain why, they usually say something like "I could never do that". I don't ask people why they drink or why they eat meat--it's a personal decision for everybody.

When I get the questions/statements about "Where do you get your protein?" and "I could never eat that many carbs and lose weight", I don't bother to explain because they've already made up their minds that my diet is not healthy. (I actually eat more protein now than I ever did when eating meat and dairy. And I eat a LOT of carbs--rice, pasta, beans, bread--I love them.)

Even though I'm vegan for reasons other than health, I still want to be healthy. So, I was nervous about my lipid numbers. If they hadn't improved, I would maybe start to wonder if my diet isn't as healthy as I think it is. I want *proof* that I could, in fact, lower my cholesterol with diet alone.

I've always wanted to get my total number under 200. It has NEVER--not once--been under 200. Even in 2016, when I was at my lowest weight and running the best I've ever run, my total cholesterol was 226.

Since I became vegan, I stopped counting calories and focused on eating more fiber and more nutrient-rich foods. I haven't been running (which isn't a good thing, I know, but I only mention it because it won't have affected the numbers). Basically, I was hoping that getting my test results would give me proof that my diet is working well for me.

Finally, the numbers (compared with my numbers from before eating vegan)...

Total cholesterol (ideal is less than 200): 196! ("normal" for the first time ever). Down from 285.
HDL ("good"; ideal is more than 40): 95 (up from 92)
LDL ("bad"; ideal is less than 130): 92 (down from 173; the ideal is less than 130)

It's crazy to me that my LDL went down SO drastically. My doctor also ordered a test for my iron and ferritin, a CBC, and a basic metabolic profile. Last year, when I learned that the symptoms that had been bothering me for YEARS were likely from iron deficiency without anemia (low ferritin, borderline-low iron), I was desperate to get my ferritin level up. I was so tired of being freezing cold all the time and my ice chewing habit was out of control (I was eating the equivalent of a gallon of water a day in ice). Yes, it's ironic--freezing cold, but craving ice.

A few months ago, I started taking a high-dose iron supplement (vegan *and* easy on my stomach!) and I really hoped it would work to get my ferritin up. Last year, it was at an 8... and the normal range is 11-307 (ideally being over 100). My symptoms went away really quickly, so I was sure it was working. When I had it checked a couple of days ago, it was at 39. Still on the low side, but definitely an improvement from 8! I'm going to continue taking supplements and hopefully I'll get it up higher.

All of that aside, all of my numbers were in the "normal" range. I was actually kind of giddy when I got my results, haha--it was very validating to see that my choices are working well for me.

Thank you again for being so supportive and nice and understanding and just... wonderful. xo

Continue Reading...

Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 115

Like I said yesterday, time totally got away from me and I was unprepared to write a weigh-in post in the evening. So I just decided to weigh in today instead.

I like the shirt that I'm wearing in this photo--I bought it from a thrift store a while ago (when the fitting rooms were closed due to the pandemic) but I'd never worn it. I don't remember what my weight was at the time, but after I bought it and I tried it on at home, I didn't think it fit well and I was uncomfortable in it. (It's pretty sheer, which is unlike me to wear, but I don't think the sheerness is very noticeable because of the pattern on it.)

As for my weigh-in this morning, I was at 131.0.

I was at 133.8 last week, so I lost 2.8 pounds this week. I wish I could say that I intentionally worked really hard for it, but I have been extra busy this week and (still) feeling very overwhelmed. I eat for the nutrition, but my appetite just hasn't been there. I have been, however, deliberately eating extra-nutritious food to make up for my poor appetite.

Last year at around this time, I lost a lot of weight pretty quickly for the same reasons. I didn't realize that at the time, so I was a little stunned when my appetite returned with a vengeance and my weight rebounded. I gained 20 pounds back fast. That is the last thing I want to happen! Now that I know it's a possibility, I can prepare myself for it and hopefully prevent that from happening again.

This feels like a very comfortable weight for me. All of my clothes fit well and I think I look healthy at this size. It's interesting how much of a difference just a few pounds makes when I'm this size. When I was 253 pounds and started losing weight, it took a good 20+ pounds before I noticed any difference.

I started listening to the audiobook "Atomic Habits" again (I didn't get very far into it the first time) and I really like it. It makes a lot of sense here--when trying to lose weight, it seems like one healthy (or unhealthy) meal won't make any difference in the long run, but when you do it day after day, meal after meal, it adds up to something huge.

As I was writing this, FedEx delivered a package from Jerry's employer. Jerry told me to go ahead and open it; as part of an insurance wellness program at work, they sent smart scales to everybody. (Their objective is to make their employees become healthier so the insurance is at a lower cost to the employer.)

I thought sending a scale was a little odd, but I nearly died when I opened it and this is what I saw:

I literally laughed out loud. (The scale connects to an app, and your weight is sent to a "coach" every morning.) Of course I want to feel all of those things (don't we all?!) but I'm pretty sure that my weight being sent to a stranger every morning is not going to make me feel any of those things. Hahaha! It's either really good or really bad marketing, depending on who receives it, I guess. (For some people with eating disorders, daily weighing can be very triggering.)

I just googled the program, and it's more in-depth than I thought at first glance--it's a whole online membership. I'll have to read more into it, but it will only allow for the employee to use it, so I'll be sure to let you know if Jerry starts feeling all of those things ;)  (Or, better yet, he can write about it/review it in his "deep thoughts" posts. He's actually pretty excited about doing it.)

Continue Reading...

Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 114

I really like the way this shirt looks with these jeans I altered. It kind of balances the dark denim. And I've been wearing these headbands pretty much every day--I'm pretty much obsessed with them. They cover my gray hair when I desperate need to dye it, and when I have day-old oily hair, they come to the rescue :)  I have to say--I can NEVER EVER get headbands to stay on my head! But these don't budge. I'm amazed, truly.

I think I'm going to order another pack of different colors--they come in packs of four. (You can find them here on Amazon--this is an associate link, which means I may earn a small commission for recommending them, but I bought them with my own money and I love them.) I always wear them the tiniest bit over the tops of my ears, otherwise they make my ears stick out (just in case you have the same problem). Yesterday, they kept a shit ton of sweat pouring into my eyes...

So, on Day 1 of my challenge to get in 10,000 steps in August went great! I wound up with more than my goal, at 12,910 steps.

I have to say, this is going to be much more challenging than I thought! I took Joey on a walk in the morning to get a jumpstart. But for as long as you walk, it feels like SO many more steps than it actually is.

Jerry is doing a big project at work (it's a great opportunity for him!) but it's hard work. (This is kind of what I was alluding to yesterday.) So, I've wanted to minimize any sort of chores he normally does at home--like yard work. Including cutting the grass. I know that I have two teen boys who are MORE than capable of doing it, but I've been wanting to try it myself; it seemed like it would be relaxing to do the repetitive back and fourth motions. (We don't have a riding lawnmower, or a self-propelled one; just a regular old push mower.)

Yesterday, I decided to give it a try. I didn't think I'd ever cut grass before, but I found an old photo from 2011 when I apparently did it! Honestly, I probably quit after the photo, hahaha.

I cannot believe how hard mowing the lawn yesterday was on my body! I have blisters on my hands and feet, and my calves are killing me. I was POURING sweat and my shirt was drenched when I was done. In fact, look at how much water weight I lost in less than two hours:

Yes, that would be 2.2 pounds. I've never even lost that much from a long run! And that's *after* I drank probably about 12 oz. of water. Naturally, I took a couple of selfies to show Jerry just what I do to show how much I love him ;)

The lawn is much bigger than the small photo I posted of that part of the backyard.

The very first thing I did when I was done, before I even gulped down water, was head straight to the bathroom, turn the faucet in the shower to the ludicrous-cold setting (literally no warm/hot water at all) and after a couple of minutes of barely being able to breathe from the cold, it felt SO AMAZING. I could have stayed in there all day long.

Anyway, on to my weigh-in (which was kind of spoiled above). I was at 133.8 yesterday morning...

That's just 0.8 from what has been considered my "goal weight" for years. So, I'm still dropping weight consistently, eating *almost* consistently, and I feel good!

Today, I've been on the go all day, and I was surprised to see that I only have 8,000 steps so far! (It's mid-afternoon, so if I still need more later, I'll take Joey for another walk.) I had to return some things to Amazon--which apparently uses Staples as a drop-off now as well. It kind of sucks going from Kohl's, to UPS, to Staples--all for Amazon returns.

But I do love that they have a great return policy. I also had to go to FedEx for one of the returns because it was a third-party seller (I will never make that mistake again--it's been a headache, jumping through hoops with this company. I also walked Joey and went grocery shopping.

Now I have laundry to put away and thank God, we have lots of leftovers from last night's dinner. So we'll be eating that! (Someone asked about Jerry's Beans & Greens recipe--he's modified it some, so I'll type it out and post that soon.)

Continue Reading...

Weight Loss: A "100 Things" Update

One of the most popular posts on my blog is a list of 100 things that changed when I lost 100 pounds. I wrote it waaaay back in 2010, before I even started Runs for Cookies. I was 28 years old and very naïve. I worried too much about what people thought of me, I cared too much about my appearance, and I was too much of a perfectionist about my diet.

I cringe when I read it now. It's tempting to change some of it (especially when I saw I used the now-politically-incorrect term "Indian-style" when referring to sitting cross-legged) but like I said--I was naïve. I'm sure in another 13 years, I'm going to look at this post and cringe just as hard.

We live, we learn, and we cringe. That's life.

Age 28 vs. 41. There are a million differences in these photos, which will probably become clear after reading this post. Some visible, some not.

Anyway, I laughed at a lot of the things on my list because they are just so NOT important. And things have changed so much since then! Here is a revised (light-hearted) list, 13 years later...

---

Then: "I used to feel ashamed buying candy and junk food. [After losing the weight], I feel just as entitled as everyone else to buy junk food." 

Now: I make most of my food choices based on reasons other than weight loss. Namely, vegan food (for ethical reasons) and nutritious food (for health reasons). And Ben & Jerry's non-dairy P.B. & Cookies ice cream (for mental health).

---

Then: "[After losing the weight], I eat my daily dessert whenever I feel like having something sweet."

Now: I've finally gotten a grasp on the purpose of avoiding sugar. I never used to worry about it because it didn't make a difference in my weight loss, as long as I was counting calories. I've since discovered that sugar makes me crave more sugar. I don't think there is anything wrong with having dessert, but I know that if I choose to eat dessert, I'm going to crave sweets like crazy until I give in--over and over. And this reason alone has stopped me from eating sweets numerous times. I just don't want to deal with cravings and the argument in my head about whether I should eat something or not.

---

Then: "I went from a size 24 to a size 8 in 10 months."

Now: I don't care one bit about the size on the label of my clothes. I used to want the smallest number possible, whether it looked okay or not. Now, I have clothes in multiple sizes and I don't even think about what size they are when I'm choosing what to wear. I pick my clothes based on comfort, because who am I trying to impress? And does anyone care AT ALL about the number on my clothes? I think not.

---

Then: Even after losing the weight, I was too embarrassed to post "fat photos" of myself--unless it was a before and after comparison.

Now: I stopped cringing at old fat photos of me. I've even posted them on my blog several times without scrutinizing my body, looking for all of the flaws. Yes, I used to look like that. So what? I am SO glad that I have those photos from back then. I actually wish I had more--there were a lot of photos I deleted after I saw how fat I looked or I avoided the camera completely. And now I don't have photos of some great family memories because of my insecurities. I don't avoid the camera and I don't try to fool myself--I can see when I've gained weight and I still post pictures anyway. I look how I look--take it or leave it.

This was in 2009. I wore this scarf to hide my huge double chin, hahaha.

---

Then: [After losing the weight] "I only sweat when I exercise!"

Now: I'm not embarrassed to sweat. This sounds kind of silly, but when I was 253 pounds, I was SO embarrassed if I was sweating for any reason at all (because, you know, skinny people don't sweat). When I lost the weight, I was happy that I didn't really sweat unless I was exercising. It was like I thought sweating was shameful. That's ridiculous! Last night, I was sweating just because two of the cats were on my lap and their bodies are like a warming blanket. I have no problem announcing that I'm sweating like a beast for whatever the reason may be.

---

Then: [Before losing the weight] "I used to wake up sore and achy from the added stress that the weight put on my body. Now I wake up feeling refreshed!"

Now: I wake up sore and achy from being old. HAHAHA

---

Then: [After losing the weight] "I can wear cute underwear and sexy lingerie now!"

Now: I am right back to wearing granny panties most of the time because hey--they're comfortable! I don't care if panty lines are visible through my stretchy black pants.

---

Then: I avoided restaurant food because it's so high in calories.

Now: I avoid restaurant food because it's expensive and because home-cooked food just tastes a million times better.

---

Then: [After losing the weight] "I feel feminine for the first time in my life! Being overweight made me feel like a sexless blob. Now I have the desire to style my hair, wear make-up, and wear cute clothes."

Now: BAHAHA--now, I enjoy doing "handyman" stuff and woodworking. I don't bother painting my nails because it's going to get chipped the second I touch my tools. I usually sweat while working on projects, so I don't bother with my hair or make-up, either. A messy bun, jeans, and a hoodie are pretty much my uniform.

---

Then: "I even wear cute pajamas now! No more of my husband's t-shirts."

Now: I love wearing Jerry's t-shirts because they're super worn in and comfy.

---

Then: "Before losing weight, I used to get excited about events like weddings and parties because of the food. [After losing the weight] I enjoy going out so I can socialize."

Now: A typical Saturday night is wearing my pajamas, reading a book or watching a show, and being in bed by 9:00.

---

Then: [After losing the weight] "My alcohol tolerance is much lower--one to two drinks is my limit before I feel like it's too much."

Now: Well, my tolerance went up quite a bit since then--so much so that I knew it was a problem and I needed to quit drinking altogether. I've been sober since February 2021.

---

Then: "I used to have a hard time stating my weight because I was so used to saying 'two hundred something pounds'--it took a while to get used to saying 'one hundred something'."

Now: I can pretty much just laugh and say, "Well, am I stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, or hypomanic?" Take your pick!

---

Then: "My treadmill is no longer a dust collector."

Now: My treadmill is probably the dustiest thing in my house... when I don't have things stored on top of it.

---

Then: "I've gotten more adventurous since losing the weight. Trying new things, going out more, meeting new people."

Now: Aww, how cute! Now, I like routine and I'm a homebody. And nothing gives me anxiety sweats like meeting new people.

---

The takeaway here is that I had healthy and unhealthy habits back then, and I have healthy and unhealthy habits now. My priorities are just different and I care far less about what people think of me (especially about how I look). No, I don't aim to look like a slob--I just choose comfort and practicality above all. It has finally sunk in that nobody cares what my weight is, how much or how fast I run, what clothes I wear, or what food I eat. (Well, unless I'm eating too many grapes... God forbid!)

Now, if only I could get on board with "age is just a number". I'm not happy about aging! I need to work on that mentality ;)

[And if you're unsure of what I meant by the million differences in my comparison photos, here it is again: hair (highlights and styled), make-up, nail polish (fingers AND toes!), jewelry, and cute clothes. Heading to a party versus staying at home. Caring how I looked versus caring how comfortable I was. The big similarity is that I was happy in both of these photos.]

I was heading to a Twilight party (a "wedding" in honor of the Breaking Dawn book), which is why the red and black.

Continue Reading...

Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 94

Like I mentioned yesterday, I had a great week (as far as my eating habits go, anyway)! I didn't really have many challenges, though. Taking Luke and Riley out to eat was easy--Luke wanted to try Panda Express, which literally had NO vegan items on the menu (or so I thought--I didn't know that their noodles are vegan). The location we went to didn't have any of the new vegan options Panda offers. So, I just ate when we got home.

One thing that I *really* need to do is run! I just have not had the motivation to make myself do it. The 10K that Nathan and I signed up for is in less than four weeks and I haven't been training at all. I'm really trying not to beat myself up over it, because nothing good ever comes from that.

My mood has mostly been sad, given the circumstances with Luke and Riley (you can read about that here if you missed it). Logically, I know that exercise is good for one's mood; it's kind of ironic, really, because when I'm not in a good mood, it's hard to make myself just do it. If I run, I know it will boost my mood; and with a better mood, I'm more motivated to run.

I planned to take Joey for a three-mile walk this morning and then follow that up with a short run--two miles--but I ended up calling it quits after Joey's walk. It was SO COLD; even after walking for an hour, I could feel the cold all the way through to my bones. Being mid-March, I didn't even check the temp--27 degrees--before I left. I don't know how I used to run when the temp was in the single digits! The older I get, the less I can tolerate the cold. (As I sit here typing this, I'm wondering why it didn't occur to me to just run on the treadmill.)

Anyway, I wasn't really sure what to expect on the scale this morning. I was super busy yesterday and didn't get to eat dinner until almost 9:00 last night. I made a vegan version of chicken paprikash and it had a lot of sodium--it didn't taste very salty, but I had to keep adding more salt when I was cooking because it kind of bland. It turned out good, and I ate a big bowl of it. I was sure I would see a gain on the scale this morning (just water weight from the sodium) but I was pleasantly surprised to see my weight was down from last week:

At 143.2, I lost 1.4 pounds from last week. I'm happy with that! I wish that the weight would come off as fast as I put it on, but we all know it never works that way, unfortunately.

I was thinking about how quickly I gained back 25 pounds in the winter and I wanted to figure out why. I think what happened is that when I dropped weight really quickly in the fall--about 25 pounds--it was because I was really overwhelmed and stressed and didn't have much of an appetite at all. I was actually kind of worried about losing too much weight, which has NEVER been a problem for me.

So, I think that once my appetite returned, my body tried to make up for the quick weight loss by giving me a bigger appetite than usual. I try to listen to my body--eating more when I'm hungrier, less when I'm not--and over the past couple of weeks, I think my appetite has been smoothing out. It'll be interesting, if nothing else, to see how this goes from here, haha.

Aside from listening to my body, my main goal for this coming week is to RUN. I need to do it--not only for my mental health, but for the 10K. I don't want to struggle through it. Worst case scenario, I'll do a run/walk method; but I'd really like to try to run the whole thing. 

I'm going to write out a commitment here to hopefully hold me accountable this week: I will run three miles on Friday, four miles on Sunday, and three miles on Tuesday. No goal for speed or heart rate or anything like that; just getting in the mileage at a slow pace will be fine.

Well, I am going to go to bed and try my best to fall asleep early. I didn't get much sleep last night because my carpal tunnel syndrome has been awful ever since I was doing all the painting in my bedroom and bathroom. Yesterday, Noah asked me to fix the waistband of a pair of pajama pants he has and I had to pick apart the seam--I always forget that doing motions like that flare up my carpal tunnel.

It doesn't feel nearly as bad as it did in 2018(?) but I'm thinking I may go see another doctor about it. I saw two specialists last time and had a nerve test (I can't remember what it was called), but the doctor said it was "mild". I wanted to punch him in the throat when he said that. A ten on the pain scale is NOT mild--and that's coming from someone who has had a severely broken jaw and two surgeries to repair it. 

Anyway, I'm getting off track here. I'm going to put on my wrist braces and try to sleep. I'm hoping for another good week (that will include three runs)!

Continue Reading...

Jerry Loses His Dad Bod: Week 9

Clearly, I spent too much time working on that photo, hahaha--I forgot to take a picture of Jerry before he left for work, so I made one. I even downloaded Star Wars fonts (*groan* I can imagine the targeted ads I'm going to see now for Star Wars stuff!)

Jerry and I had a good conversation about weigh loss today and he brought up a very wise point about trying to lose weight in general and having weekly weigh-ins. I've thought of it before, but the way he said it just seemed to make better sense with a simpler explanation. So, that's what he wrote about today...

---

Welcome back. 

Every week it seems like I have an epiphany about weight loss. And it always seems to come off as an excuse for my slow weight loss, but I don't think it is. It's more of a realization and I'm learning something new all the time. So let's just rip the band-aid off, 190.6. That's a gain of 0.6 from last week. 

I did fairly well, or so I thought. I felt heavier over the last couple days and felt a little uneasy about what I was actually doing as far as my diet was concerned. But something dawned on me last night and I think it might ring true with almost everyone that does a weekly weigh-in.

While I always feel like I might be doing okay through the week, I have a tendency to spend the couple days before my weigh-in trying to eat better because I don't want to see the gain on the scale. So, if I can do that for the couple days before the weigh-in why can't I do it every single day? Why can't I just make it a lifestyle change as opposed to treating it like a temporary thing just to meet some number I want to see? 

I stress myself out on Sundays and Mondays because of the weigh-in and it doesn't have to be that way. That said, I will be making another change in how I eat and approach this week and we shall see how well I do. 

Also, I'm a firm believer that old habits die hard. Habits are like Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters 2. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered. Before his head died he said 'Death is but a door, time is but a window. I'll be back.' Those are my habits. LOL. The bad habits die when I work on them and then after some time, they come back.

I talk of bad habits because I have a couple. One glaring one from this week was eating when I'm not hungry. 'There are starving kids in [insert third world country here]'. Every kid heard it growing up. Every kid. As an adult it transformed into not wanting to waste food.

So, I eat everything. Even when I ain't hungry I still eat just because I don't want to waste the food. That's stupid. So, new mindset with that as well--don't eat if I'm not hungry. This will be the absolute hardest thing to do, for sure. More than portion control. More than eating healthy. More than eating slowly. Eating when my body is telling me I should and listening to it will be the hardest thing. 

So, I have my work cut out for me. Wish me luck.

---

I felt bad when Jerry said he feels stressed out on Sundays and Mondays because of his weigh-ins on Tuesdays. I wanted this to be a fun series for him! I told him that we can quit this series so he doesn't think that way, but he wants to keep going with it. Hopefully with the realization he had last night about it, he can keep it in mind this week.

I *try* not to have that mentality before my weigh-in, and I've gotten much better about it. In the beginning, I was careful not to eat too much sodium the day before my weigh-in and not eat anything too heavy, etc--it makes no sense in the long run! It works great if you need to drop a few pounds within a week's time, but if you're working on losing a large amount of weight, it's much less stressful to just make better choices daily rather than trying to "catch up" right before a weigh-in.

I've eaten really well this week and I hope to see that on the scale tomorrow--but not enough to stress out today, worrying about sodium and volume of food. I made a vegan version of chicken paprikash for dinner tonight and I had to keep adding salt to it--for a second, I thought, "My weigh in is tomorrow--that's too much salt!" but I'm not going to worry about it. I didn't overeat and the ingredients were healthy, so if I gain a little water weight overnight, it'll come right off if I just continue with healthy habits.

Jerry has always had a hard time with listening to his body's hunger/fullness cues, so I hope this week goes well for him!

Continue Reading...

Jerry Loses His Dad Bod: Some "before and after" photos

I think this was 2009 versus 2013

I'm going to do this a little differently today, at Jerry's request. He's had a rough morning! He had a doctor's appointment at 11:20; the doctor isn't there in the afternoons, which is rough when you work a night shift. So he came home from work, woke up after a few hours, went to his doctor's appointment, came home and slept for a few more. Doing his "Dad Bod" weigh-in wasn't exactly on his mind, which is totally understanding.

Still, though, he had a great week! It was funny a couple of days ago--I'd asked him to make his Beans & Greens, which is one of my favorite comfort foods. I was working on my blog post while he cooked, and it smelled amazing. When we sat down to eat, I took one bite and thought, "Holy salt!"--Jerry made a face and said "Woah, this is really salty."

We both tried to eat it and we managed one bowl, but we didn't even save the leftovers. Bummer! What does this have to do with weigh-in?

Even though I ate really well all day, my weight was up nearly two pounds yesterday morning. And Jerry? His weight was up THREE pounds. We both knew it wasn't from poor eating; it was clearly the amount of salt we'd eaten. (Jerry isn't sure where he went wrong with the salt.)

Instead of posting about Jerry's "dad bod" week, I figured I'd share a little of his past with his weight struggles.

In August 2009, Jerry's weight was 253 pounds. As funny as it, that was MY starting weight, too! Hahaha. It makes sense, considering we pretty much ate all the same things (and I matched or exceeded his portions). (I'm not at all kidding when I say that we would share: a large order of cheese breadsticks with garlic butter dipping sauce, a deep dish pizza with pepperoni and bacon, a six pack of beer, and each of us would have a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Seriously.)

This was how Noah played soccer--the whole game--hahaha.

Jerry didn't start losing weight until until January 1, 2010. I had already been losing weight since August 2009; Jerry saw how good I was doing with it, so he decided to give it a go, too. He likes to say (now) that he "lost weight by default" because he just ate whatever I cooked. He doesn't give himself enough credit, though! He is constantly tempted by food at work when people bring it in to share--and it's not exactly healthy food.

This is when we were both at our goal weights in 2013. My friend Stephanie, who is a great photographer, did an amazing photo session.

This all happened so long ago that it's hard to remember the details. Essentially, though, Jerry started eating the same sort of diet as I did, and the pounds started coming off. And naturally, they came off faster than mine! Don't they always when boys lose weight? So not fair! ;)  He joined Weight Watchers and eventually reached his goal weight there (I believe in 2003--I'll look for the link). He weighed in at 168, which was a total of 85 pounds lost!

An 85-pound difference

For exercise, he started running a little--nothing too serious--and then trained for the Indy Mini half-marathon, which he finished strongly.

Now, over the years, his weight as gone up and down just like mine, only his hasn't been quite as extreme. His lowest weight was 167 pounds (I believe this was in 2013) and his highest (since then) was earlier this year, when he was about 200 (he doesn't remember the exact number).

Considering that the odds are stacked against him, he's done an amazing job keeping off all the weight that he has! He'll get back to his usual post next week!

Continue Reading...

Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 88

Oh my gosh, you guys, this was so much worse than I ever anticipated. Remember last week, how I was sick with (what I thought was) COVID, and it was also my birthday? Well, I said I was going to skip the scale that day for those reasons--not necessarily valid reasons, but excuses nonetheless.

I had hoped that I would eat really well and get back to good habits and then by the time today's weigh-in came along, I'd be back on my way to my goal weight range. Since all I seem to be doing is gaining weight recently, I knew it was a good possibility--but I had no idea just how much!

Let me just say, I *really* don't want to post this here and I most likely won't read any comments on this post. I feel stunned and not at all happy with myself. I'm horribly embarrassed. And how is it even possible to gain so much in just two weeks?

But I promised myself I'd post it. No matter what. So here goes...

I was at 153.0 this week, which is a gain of 8.8 pounds in two weeks! I feel every pound of it, too. It's not just "water weight" (some of it, maybe, but my jeans are very, very tight). This is a legit weight gain.

I debated whether to list any possibly influences because I don't want them to sound like excuses. I certainly do make excuses sometimes. But I'm also the first to own up to the problem when I know I've been overeating. So, here are some possibilities that may have contributed to this gain:

1) A new medication. I don't think this is the reason because my medication isn't known for weight gain and I was gaining weight long before I started it.

2) Snacking at night. It's SUCH a bad habit that I'm having a very hard time breaking. Today, my month-long challenge starts where I can only eat at the dining room table with NO distractions. I can guarantee that I will probably stop snacking altogether this month because of that rule. 

3) Sweets. I've gone back to eating sweets again, which is super frustrating. I didn't crave them AT ALL and I was totally fine not eating them. Then, when Jerry and I went out to Chili Mustard Onions (a vegan restaurant in Detroit), the hostess bought us dessert. She was being super kind, so I felt obligated. I ate it and it was delicious! Ever since then, I've been unable to get back to not eating sweets.

My sweets haven't been too horrible, though--I usually make Cookie Dough Dip. While it's not healthy, it could be much worse! Still, though, I never stick with a small portion.

4) I stopped having my usual breakfast and lunch (which were loaded with fiber and micronutrients). Instead, I skip breakfast and lunch and then just eat way too much in the evening; or, I eat junky stuff during the day instead of breakfast and lunch. My "usual" breakfast and lunch are both cold, and since the cold isn't exactly my friend in February, I may need to change this up to warm food.

5) I have started eating tofu and seitan and things like that instead of what I ate in the beginning (lots of whole grains, beans, and veggies). The more I explore vegan ingredients and cooking, the more I enjoy the food! So eating chick peas is boring compared to eating tofu. I can find lower-calorie ways to prepare tofu, which is probably what I'm going to have to do. And maybe I'll make a rotation of protein products each week: tofu, seitan, soy curls, and beans, mostly. By doing that, I won't rely on my favorites (tofu, seitan, and soy curls) so much. They aren't unhealthy, but they are so good that I eat too much. I'm much mess likely to overeat chick peas!

6) More veggies! I NEED to get back to eating more vegetables. I was roasting them frequently but once I got into more tofu and less beans, my veggies kind of started waning as well. So, I'm not getting nearly enough fiber.

7) I've had a terrible 2023 so far. It's been one thing after another--I wish I could write about everything on my blog so it could make more sense (I really despise when people are cryptic like this), but I like to maintain people's privacy. So, just know that I've been having a lot going on in my private life that has been extremely overwhelming, stressful, and even depressing.

8) I haven't been doing meal planning and grocery shopping like I used to. I like knowing exactly what I'm going to be making for dinner so that I can get things prepped and ready during the day in order to make it easier when it's time to make dinner. A few days ago, I made several batches of sauces to put in the freezer. I told Jerry about my "grain bowl" go-to I used to make: pick a grain (barley, rice, farro, millet, etc.) + protein (seitan, tofu, beans, soy curls, etc.) + vegetables + sauce. It's super easy to prep everything ahead of time so it can just be thrown together any time.

Okay, well, that's a good start as to my thoughts about this weight gain. It will be VERY interesting to see what my weight is next week, assuming I stick with this eat-at-the-table-only challenge. It would be great if it helped me to break the snacking habit!

Well, there it is. There *I* am, extremely vulnerable and honest. And kind of mortified. I never predicted this!

Some upcoming things I have to look forward to and would like to be near my goal weight for:

1) Going to Illinois to dog-sit for my sister's basset hounds. I'll be there for about five days.

2) The 10K race with Nathan. I want to be in shape and have it not feel extremely difficult.

3) A friend is coming to visit in May and I have a couple of interesting things I'd like to do--but I want to be in shape to do them.

4) If we go up north to Jeanie's this summer, I'd like to be at my goal. The last time I was there, I was losing weight and I swore I'd be at my goal weight the next time I went.

And there you have it. Weighing in after 88 weeks. Gaining nearly 10 pounds in two weeks. Feeling disappointed in myself and embarrassed. Feel hopeful that I can nip the snacking with this February challenge!

Continue Reading...

Falling Apart

I'm feeling anything but brave while writing this vulnerable post, but I'm not sure what else to write that doesn't somehow encompass this: I'm falling apart.

Yes, that is a dramatic statement, but there aren't many words to describe how I'm feeling right now. Just a couple of months ago, I felt totally under control about my diet and exercise. While I was hesitant to write the words at the time, I felt like I had finally found the maintenance key I was looking for. I was eating healthy, I wasn't counting calories, I was eating foods I truly enjoyed, and I was loving running again.

The last picture of me where I felt really good about myself (mid-October)

Over the past couple of months, however, I've slowly been falling apart. I haven't been binge eating, but I definitely overeat--and not on healthy food, either. Pretzels and peanut butter are a favorite, as well as single-serve edible cookie dough that is super fast to make with common ingredients. Even bananas! I've been freezing bananas and blending them into a soft-serve ice cream consistency. I've had to stop buying any sort of nut butter because that's way too easy to eat hundreds of calories worth. I generally eat too large of a serving for dinner, too.

The simple answer is to just STOP. Go back to the old way of eating--the way I enjoyed, the way that felt good, the way that made me feel like I could do it forever, and the way that kept me from feeling like I'm falling apart. Why is this so hard, then?

As far as running goes... I haven't been. I have all sorts of excuses, but I know that they aren't valid excuses. I can certainly find the time to go for a run a few times a week, even if it's just on the treadmill.

I can definitely feel the weight gain in my clothes. My jeans, which were actually too big, are now feeling pretty snug. I had *just* taken in the waist of a lot of jeans to make them fit, too. 

I know this is catastrophic thinking, but I feel like this is the start of gaining back all the weight I just lost. Logically, I know it's only been a couple of months and if I start right at this moment, I can get my weight back down while keeping the damage as minimal as possible. But mentally, I just feel like all is lost. I feel like this is who I am, who I've always been: lose the weight, gain it back, lose the weight, gain it back.

I'm still scared to look at the scale, but I'm guessing I'm probably about 140. My plan (which I wrote about on Wednesday) was to log my food this week to see how many calories I was eating and to look at where those calories are going as far as nutrients. Not surprisingly, I haven't been doing that.

Other than what I mentioned above, I do eat a pretty healthy diet. I never eat restaurant food (maybe once every six months) and I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables than I used to. I try to get in fiber wherever I can.

I'm not saying that I'm doing everything right with my diet; I certainly have room for improvement. But this is definitely the healthiest I've ever eaten in my life. I just got in this downward spiral somehow and it's SO HARD to get out of it.

I make plan after plan, and I feel excited to do them, but one little thing will set me off and I go right back to zero. After the ideas I had on Wednesday's post (about why I may have been gaining), I talked to Jerry about it and he's obviously super supportive of whatever I decide to do. I mentioned how I stopped eating so much fiber because I was cooking vegan food for both of us instead of just me, and I didn't think he'd want to eat the same foods I was. He said he wants me to eat whatever it is that I want, and if he doesn't like it, he'll just make something different for himself. But he has really enjoyed trying new foods, so he might like it more than I imagine.

Without doing any sort of challenge for right now, I do want to at least come up with a plan. If I don't have SOME sort of plan, I'm just going to keep falling apart. So here is what I'm going to aim for:

1) Focus on fiber. That's when I was eating my best and I felt my best. Instead of rice, I'll go back to having barley or some other grain. I'll continue my favorite breakfast of Grape Nuts with blueberries and soy milk. And I'll eat my go-to oatmeal for lunch. I enjoy trying out new dinner recipes, so I'll just fill them with fiber however I can.

2) Make sure there is some sort of nutrition with whatever I eat. I didn't used to eat pretzels, because there really isn't anything good about them. They aren't terrible, but they aren't helping my body in any way. When I was trying to eat a lot of fiber, I always chose snacks like pears or nuts.

3) Drink a ton of water. I never feel good when I don't drink a lot of water, and if I'm eating as much fiber as I plan to, I need the water! I'd like to aim for four liters a day (about a gallon).

4) Get back to running (once again). I was really starting to like it again and then I stopped for whatever reason. Now that my body feels sluggish from eating crappy, it's hard to pick up where I left off. I'd like to aim for three miles, three times a week for now.

And that's it! Those are all things I was doing just a few months ago and I felt great doing them. They aren't too hard. I'm not eliminating anything from my diet. I'm not counting anything. Just eating fiber, drinking water, making healthy food choices as often as possible, and running.

Here goes nothing!

Continue Reading...