Wednesday Weigh-In: Weeks 17-18

I had no time to take a mirror selfie before posting this, so here is a photo from Saturday, when Jerry and I voted early.

Once again, this post comes a week late. But as of this morning, I am in a MUCH better mood than I've been in for the last two years! ;)  I've never talked politics on my blog (I don't like to write about controversial topics) so I won't start now. I just have to say, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I have some hope for the future.

Anyway, I actually have to keep this short today because I have a very busy day. Jerry and I are heading to Minnesota tomorrow morning to visit Becky and the kiddos, so we have a lot to do to prepare. I always get nervous leaving the house for a trip, but I trust my pet/house sitter (and the kids will be here when they are not working/at school) so it I'm hoping all goes well.

Taking care of the pets is a big deal to me. Since we got the kittens at the beginning of COVID, they are used to having me home most of the time. And the squirrels have gotten used to me, too; they treat every day like Halloween, coming up to the door and trick-or-treating for walnuts all day. And I love every minute of it! Haha, so I will miss them. But I am most worried about Duck; he is glued to my hip and I hope he doesn't feel like I abandoned him. We're only going for a couple of days, so he'll live ;)

Moving on... I did *not* run three times like I said I would. I was in such a funk and I have no idea why. I knew that running would make me feel better, but I just couldn't make myself do it! However, I went for a run Monday morning--I was in the middle of a sewing project when the thought popped into my head and I hurried up and dressed to run before I could talk myself out of it--and I'm so glad that I did. I felt motivated again.

I was expecting it to feel very hard after not having run in a few weeks, but it actually felt the same as the last time. I ran 3.01 miles at an 11:52/mi average pace and heart rate of 151 bpm. I was fully expecting to feel like I was starting all over. I plan to run again this morning.

Part of the reason I haven't felt compelled to run is because of Joey. He has declined so much in health over the last couple of months. I can't take him with me at all anymore (he can do a slow walk around the neighborhood, but even that seems to be a lot) and I feel terrible going without him. A couple of days ago, he suddenly stopped wanting to leave the living room. Jerry and I tried coaxing him with everything we could think of to just go into the kitchen and he seemed so confused and unsure of himself. He looks at the floor like it's not really there--like he is going to be stepping off a cliff--and I'm pretty sure he has dementia.

I'm going to take him back to the vet when we get home from Minnesota (he's going to be staying with my parents while we're gone, and they will take good care of him). When I took him to the vet a few months ago, though, they said he was physically fine for an elderly dog. So I think this is just a mental decline. We've never had an elderly dog before, so I have no idea how long this goes on for and at what point do we decide that it would be more humane to let him go? That is the WORST decision to have to make when it comes to pets.

Despite not running, I've still been losing weight and eating really well. My last blog weigh-in was October 21 and I was at 137.2. On October 28, I weighed in at 135.4. I was thrilled with that! 

I think I got a little too confident, because I started eating an apple with peanut butter again in the evenings (my intention was to only do it on the days I run, but that didn't happen). A couple of days ago, my weight had climbed to 137, with just that small change! So I had grapes the last two nights and this morning, I was at 135.8. 

So this was the first week that I actually gained weight from the week before (only 0.4 pounds) but I need to either start running regularly or cut back on the peanut butter if I want to get my weight down a little more.

My ultimate goal is 133, but it would be nice to have a buffer of a few pounds, so I'll likely try to lose weight until I get to 130 and then experiment with adding a little snack here and there until I find a good maintenance routine. I like my current eating routine and food right now, so it's not like I'm itching to eat a bunch of junk. (By the way, I haven't had sweets in almost eight months! Sometimes it's been tempting, but mainly when I am feeling very emotional and want to comfort eat/binge like I used to. I don't get actual physical cravings at all anymore.)

I scheduled my annual physical for the 13th (Friday the 13th, I just noticed!) and my doctor sent in the orders for my labs already, so I'm going to do that today. I wake up so early--normally at 3:00, but with the daylight saving time change, I've been getting up at 2:00, ugh--I couldn't stand the thought of not eating breakfast until 8:00-ish (the lab opens at 7:00). I made an appointment for 4:00 pm, so I'm just going to fast all day until I get my labs drawn. I'm very curious to see if/how my whole foods diet has made a difference. My cholesterol dropped a LOT when I became vegan, but I was still eating junk food then. I have been eating super "clean" since July 1st, so I'm interested to know if it's changed much.

Tonight, we are going to Eli's school for a "mental health" sort of talk. They are going to explain the mental health challenges of firefighters (the number one cause of death in firefighters is suicide, believe it or not). I really love that they made this a part of the program, for family to learn about what to expect and (I'm assuming) how we can help. Eli knew it was a concern of mine--of course, I'd googled the statistics when he first said he was interested in the fire academy--so I've been worried about it. I'm looking forward to going to his school today! And he has a "family day" coming up where we get to see him demonstrate what he has learned.

Well, I've got to get a move on getting my house ready for the house/pet sitter. I make no promises, but I do hope that next week I will have run three times and will write a post!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Weeks 15-16

Whenever I mirror my selfie to show the wording on my shirt, it kind of weirds me out a little. It's interesting how different we look to ourselves from someone else's perspective, even though we're (generally) symmetrical. Anyway, here is a close-up of my shirt:

A while ago, my therapist recommended that I watch Inside Out 2 after some stuff we were talking about. I'd described that I like wearing big hoodies because I feel like I can hide in them, and he said it reminded him of the "Embarrassed" persona on Inside Out. I hadn't seen the first movie in years, so Jerry and I watched both. (They are great movies, by the way!) After my appointment a couple of weeks ago, I happened to find this shirt at Salvation Army and thought it would be perfect to wear to therapy.

Not much has changed since the last time I wrote. I am still working on getting down to my goal weight. My goal range is about 130-135, but the number I typically aim for in my head is 133. The exact number isn't super important; I just really like the number 33 so that's where it came from. I had said that my loose goal was to get there by Halloween (no real reason why) so that's in 10 days.

My average weight loss has slowed down a bit, so it's not looking likely. But does it really matter if I get there by Halloween, or a week later or even a month after that? No. I know I'm eating my best and I feel healthier on the inside than I ever have in my life, so I'm good with that.

My last weigh in was two weeks ago and I was at 140.4. I had said hopefully I'll be in the 130's next time... and I did it! Last week:

That was quite a big jump from the week before. If you remember on my last post, I'd mentioned that I had gotten in the habit of eating an apple and peanut butter in the evenings and I was clueless as to how much peanut butter I was actually eating until I weighed it out one day--and my "light snack" was actually almost 500 calories! So I started eating grapes and a few prunes instead, and apparently it worked quite well because the scale started moving again.

Then I really missed my apple and peanut butter, so I started eating that again a week ago and my weight today wasn't much different than last week:

However, dropping 3.2 pounds in two weeks isn't bad at all, so I'll choose to look at it that way. I'm going to try switching back to grapes today and see if it makes a difference though. Once I am ready to maintain my weight, I'm definitely adding the apple and peanut butter back in though, haha. Why does peanut butter have to be so good?!

As far as running goes... ugh. Two weeks ago, I wrote that I was "starting fresh" and feeling motivated to run three miles, three times a week. I did great that first week:

Wednesday (Oct 7)- I went out at 7:30 in the morning, so it was just barely breaking dawn. I don't remember my thoughts during the run, but I finished 3.00 miles with an 11:47/mi average pace and an average heart rate of 154 bpm. Pretty standard recently.

Friday (Oct 9)- I did at out and back at around 10:00 AM (lately, I've been choosing my routes by what feels like will be the fastest--which I know makes zero sense, considering I'm running for distance). I finished 3.01 miles with an average pace of 11:30/mi and heart rate of 157 bpm. I have no idea why my heart rate was so high. I noted in my app that my effort wasn't super hard and that I felt good, so I don't know the reason.

Tuesday (Oct 13)- This was the true test for me. I have such a hard time going out for a run after having two days off in a row. I don't know why that is! But my plan had been to do Mon, Wed, Fri runs, so I was supposed to have run on Monday the 12th--but I procrastinated. It was all I could do to make myself go out on Tuesday. I wore my new headlamp and went out in the dark at 5:30 in the morning.

I think I tend to run slower in the dark (not a bad thing, just something I noticed) because I feel slightly uneasy/on edge the whole time. Anyway, I chose my route based on what I felt was safest in the dark (sticking to the neighborhoods where there are lots of houses). I finished 3.01 miles with a pace of 11:57/mi and average heart rate of 147 bpm. That was my lowest heart rate so far, in the four months I've been back to running. I was happy to see that.

Which brings me to now... that Tuesday was my last run. That was on October 13th! I really, really don't want to give this up. So, once again, I'm recommitting to three times a week. Next Wednesday, I'm going to write a post (even if it's just a short update) and I *will* have run three times. I'm stating this here so that I will be more likely to actually do it.

After my run last Tuesday, I'd told Jerry that I really need to remember how much better running makes me feel mentally. I *always* have a better day when I go for a run. It has nothing to do with feeling accomplished or strong or anything like that. It just lifts my mood somehow. If I could bottle that feeling and sell it, I'd make a fortune! Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way and I just have to work for it.

I'm going to end this now because I have to cook dinner, but I wanted to take a moment to share a proud parent moment :)  Eli is doing so great at the fire academy! A couple of days ago, he was named "Recruit of the Week" and was recognized for his hard work. His instructors take photos during their drills sometimes and I love seeing the stuff he's been doing. He sent me this picture last week:

The recruits had to go into the burn tower with all their gear on, *blindfolded*, and perform a "search and rescue" (find a dummy). Eli said it was really difficult because you lose all of your senses--with your helmet/mask on, you can't hear anything, the blindfold keeps you from seeing anything (similar to smoke in a burning building), and with the gloves on, you can't really feel much.

I tried on his gear for the heck of it, and holy hell--it was SO HEAVY and so claustrophobic. Wearing the mask was too much for me; I wouldn't have lasted a minute in the burn tower. (It blows my mind that there are crazy firefighters that do races--like full marathons--with all their gear on.)

Recently, they had to do confined spaces--wearing all their gear (including oxygen) and blindfolded, they had to maneuver different tight obstacles. Eli said there was a tunnel he had to go through that he could just barely fit in. I nearly had a panic attack while he was telling me about it. He said several people panicked and had to stop and take their masks off. He said he (and several others) ran out of oxygen because you have to carefully control your breathing and it's hard to do when you're in a situation like that. I think I would have run out of oxygen just while the instructor was giving instructions, hahaha.

Anyway, I'm just very proud of him! He hated school so much that I wasn't sure how well he'd do with going back, but he takes the time to study and he does well on his quizzes/tests. He really enjoys the drills they do. He graduates at the beginning of December, and then he'll have to get an EMT certification (class starts in February) before getting hired as a firefighter. From what he's heard, he'll likely have to continue school to get a paramedic license as well to get hired where he'd like, but one step at a time for now. There is a "parent day" coming up where Jerry and I can go see in person what he's been doing, so I'm excited for that.

Okay, once again--next week, I'll write an update which WILL include three runs over the next week!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Weeks 12-14

That's Duck at my feet. He likes to get out all of my hair ties and fling them across the bathroom. He actually knows how to bite one end and stick his paw in the other--then he pulls and lets go with his mouth, so it goes flying. 

Hey there! It's been a while, I know. I have been in a weird funk lately and I just have not felt like writing. There isn't a particular reason; I have just been feeling very overwhelmed and preoccupied. (As if Jerry's friend dying wasn't bad enough, his grandma sadly passed away a few days ago.) I probably won't write much today, but I wanted to at least check in and say that I'm still alive and still working on losing weight.

Unfortunately, I have *not* been running much. It's been three weeks since my last post, and I've only run three times since then. This really bothers me, because I worked so hard to get back up to three miles!  Today I woke up with the mindset that I'm going to have a fresh new attitude, starting with a run.

It doesn't get light until 7:40-ish now, which is very late for me (I get up at 3:00). A couple of weeks ago, I actually went for a run in the dark; I was scared to, but I like getting my runs done in the morning so it's not hanging over my head all day. When I got out my old headlamp, one of the wires had become disconnected from the inside and it would have to be soldered (something I can't do) to fix it. It was 16 years old (I bought it at my first Ragnar in 2010), so I ordered a new one.

I tried a flashlight, but it threw off my gait. So, for that dark run, I didn't have a headlamp or a flashlight and I just relied on street lamps (and a reflective vest, of course). I don't think I'll ever do that again! The lamps are few and far between, so it wasn't ideal. My new headlamp should be here soon. I ordered the same one I had before (Black Diamond Sprinter) just a newer model.

Anyway, I don't remember much about the runs I did, so here is the quick gist:

Thursday (Sept 23)- This was the run I did in the dark. Ran 3.01 miles with a 12:21/mi pace and average heart rate of 150 bpm. At one point, I did not see it coming because of the dark, but someone had a sprinkler on and my legs got wet. I think my pace and heart rate were slower than usual because of the dark; I was being careful about my steps.

Friday (Sept 25)- I went out at 2:30 pm, in full sun, and it was hot (when will I learn my lesson?). I ran 3.01 miles (same route as previous) with a 11:22/mi pace and average heart rate of 158 bpm. Despite the heat, I felt pretty good.

Wednesday (today)- I wished I had my headlamp because I wanted to go out early. But at 7:26, as soon as it was light enough to see, I headed out. It felt really nice outside for a run, but it was very windy! And somehow, I think I had a headwind the entire time ;)  I did get to see a beautiful sunrise over Lake Erie, though. I ran 3.00 miles--I couldn't have planned that lollipop route more perfectly--with an 11:47/mi pace and average heart rate of 154 bpm. I was worried that taking two weeks off was going to derail me completely, but this was actually a pretty nice run! If not for the wind, I would have called it pretty great.

As far as my weight goes, I'm still losing... but it's slowed down quite a bit. Today's weigh in:

Here is a list of all of my weigh-ins:
Start (July 1): 168.8
Week 1: 166.2
Week 2: 159.6
Week 3: 157.4
Week 4: 154.2
Skipped week 5
Week 6: 151.2
Week 7: 149.6
Week 8: 146.8
Week 9: 144.8
Week 10: 144.4
Week 11: 142.8
Week 12: 141.6
Week 13: 140.4
Week 14: 140.4

As you can see, today's weight is the same as last week's. I've been eating exactly how I have been the entire time, with one exception: I started eating an apple with peanut butter in the evenings a few weeks ago. It started out in a stupid way; Jerry likes to snack on pretzels in the evening and seeing him eat made ME want to eat, too. I at least chose something healthier, though!

I was getting a little frustrated that my weight hasn't been going down (much) over the last couple of weeks, so I decided to weigh out my peanut butter just to see how much I'd actually been using. I have these tiny condiment dishes that I guessed held about 2-3 tablespoons. When I weighed out my peanut butter, I saw that I was actually eating FOUR tablespoons, which is two servings. At 190 calories per serving, plus the apple, I was getting 450-500 calories in that little snack! So, I'm not surprised that my weight loss slowed down.

A few days ago, I switched from the apple and peanut butter to about a cup of frozen grapes and a few prunes. Ideally, I'd like to get back to not snacking after dinner at all. I don't *need* to; I am rarely hungry after dinner. I had just gotten into the habit because Jerry was snacking.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been going through my clothes to see what to keep, what to size-down with the sewing machine, and what to donate. I had everything from size 2 to size 14! I really want to declutter the house and garage, so I got rid of almost everything that was bigger than a size 6 (which is what I wear now). I had several bags worth of clothes that I donated to a shelter who gives them away for FREE to people who need them. I don't like donating to Goodwill or Salvation Army because they mark their clothes up so high. The shelter was thrilled with the donation. 

I'm not delusional--I have a very hard time believing that *this time* will be the time I maintain my goal range--but I am tired of holding onto clothes that don't fit. I only ever buy thrifted clothes anyway, so if I gain the weight back, I'll just have to replace them.

Okay, well, that was my check-in. I'm going to try really hard to run three times a week. I feel really good that I went out this morning! Today, I'm going to work on downsizing a few flannels that I want to keep. Fingers crossed that I may see the 130's next week :)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 11

I sit here writing this in the dark with the hope that my laptop battery can hold out long enough for me to finish. We had a bad storm last night and lost power. When we lose power, it can take days for it to come back on, and I just really hope this isn't one of those times. I checked the electric company's website and it says that 99.98% of properties have power, so we are in the lucky 0.02% that does not.

I had another not-great week, unfortunately. Nothing bad happened, but I just haven't been sleeping well at all and I'm tired. I also didn't do a single run this week, and I'm super disappointed in myself for that. I'm finally able to run three miles, so I don't want to blow it and quit again.

I need to make a set schedule; I've been trying to do Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday each week, but I think I'm going to change that to Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. My excuses aren't even worthy--I wake up at 3:00 (lately, it's been more like 1:30 or 2:00 because I just can't sleep) and it doesn't get light until after 7:00. I don't feel safe running in the dark anymore (I don't know when/why that fear came about). So by then, I've already been awake for four hours and I'm usually in the middle of something by the time it's light outside.

Anyway, I had another loss on the scale this week. I was at 142.8, which is down from last week's 144.4. Since the power was out when I took the picture, this is what I got, haha:

I've definitely noticed that my body is softer than it was when I was at this weight last time. I'm sure that taking years off from running has had an effect, as well as general aging. My upper arms have SO much loose skin. I am seriously considering getting it removed, but I keep asking myself if it's really necessary. It wouldn't be just for cosmetic reasons (although that plays a part). It's very uncomfortable when wearing loose clothing (picture running without a sports bra and how your boobs just feel heavy and hindering). My armpits also make embarrassing fart noises sometimes when I reach overhead and then bring my arm down... seriously!

I have no idea how much it would cost and it just feels so impractical to spend money on something that isn't technically necessary. If the power comes back on before I post this, I'll try to get a picture so you can see I'm not exaggerating. A lot of times, people have said to me that I don't look like I have loose skin; but my upper arms and my thighs are pretty bad. I don't wear short sleeves or shorts because of it.

I'm not sure what else to write this week, but I found this picture I took a while ago of my breakfast so I figured I'd share that. I eat this every single morning, and I literally look forward to it every day--I love it! I just call it a "breakfast bowl", because it's no longer really cereal or oatmeal. I guess it's more like a muesli?

-Grapenuts
-rolled oats
-goji berries
-frozen blueberries
-ground flaxseed
-chia seeds
-unsweetened shredded coconut
-sliced almonds (unpictured, because I guess I forgot)
-unsweetened cocoa powder (did you know this has 2 grams of fiber and only 5 calories per tablespoon?!)
-unsweetened plain soy milk
-occasionally a dash of almond extract
-if I have a perfectly-ripe-for-me banana, I add that as well (but I'm super picky about bananas--they basically have to be barely-yellow without any specks of brown).

Without the banana, the bowl has about 520 calories and 20(!) grams of fiber. This is what it looks like all mixed together--once I add the soy milk, it looks pretty gross, so I'll spare you.

For some reason, uploading photos here has become extremely difficult. I'm too far removed from blogging to try to figure it out, though. On my last post, someone mentioned that it's difficult to leave a comment on my blog as well--and believe me, I know it! I have always had problems with it (half the time, I can't even leave comments myself), so I apologize for that. I tried switching to Wordpress once years ago and I became so frustrated that I just decided to stay with Blogger, as messy as it is. I have so many things that I should update on my blog, but it's overwhelming to even think about right now. As it is, I'm just impressed I've managed to stick with my weekly weigh-ins, haha.

Well, the power still isn't back on and I want to post this before my battery dies. So, I have no weekly mirror selfie. Maybe I'll update later!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 10

That's little Duckling in the background. He loves to play with my hair ties in the mornings.

Yes, this is a day late. I have just had a long and emotionally draining week. Jerry is still having a tough time, but he went back to work on Tuesday. He was able to get in to see a therapist last Wednesday and he said it helped; he has another appointment soon. So, he's doing what he can and I think that time will help.

I don't really have much to say today because the week was very uneventful. It almost felt like a staycation with Jerry at home, only it wasn't much fun (considering the circumstances).

I managed to get in all three runs this week--including my first three miler in about three years!

Thursday- Jerry took Joey for a walk so I could sneak out and run by myself. I'm always relieved when I don't have to run with him, as terrible as that sounds. He loves to go, but it limits my routes (since he can only go about a mile) and I have to be careful about my pace so I don't wear him out. It's sad to think that he used to practically drag me on our runs!

Anyway, I was aiming for about 2.75 miles since I ran 2.5 miles the previous run. I didn't map out a route, I just guessed as I went and I was almost spot-on. I ran 2.72 miles; I could have run past my house to reach 2.75, but it didn't matter that much to me to hit that particular number. The run actually felt pretty good! The first two miles were pretty easy (relatively speaking). I struggled a little after that, but that was to be expected as I'm still a "beginner".

Overall, I finished 2.72 miles (12:08, 11:51, and 11:36, with overall average pace of 11:53/mi and an overall average heart rate of 155 bpm. I don't know why my heart rate got so high.

Sunday- Ran with Joey for the first mile. We looped my neighborhood (which is almost exactly one mile) and then I dropped him off and kept going. It was nice and cool outside, so it felt good. After I dropped him off, I ran a route that I knew to be about two miles. I felt nostalgic as I ran, because I haven't done that route in such a long time.

I knew I wanted to finish three miles (that's been my goal all along) and I focused on going slow (I thought I was going much slower than I was, actually, but I didn't look at my pace at all until I was done). Overall, I finished three miles (12:17 with Joey, 11:51 and 11:17; overall average pace of 11:48/mi with average heart rate of 153 bpm.

Tuesday- I headed out early, as soon as it was light outside. I had Joey with me, so I looped the neighborhood for the first mile and dropped him off at home. Then I decided on a loop that I knew was roughly two miles. Since I hit my three-mile goal, I'm no longer trying to add distance to each run. I'm happy with doing three three-mile runs each week. My main focus now is to stay consistent so that they just get easier. I'd love to be able to run at my MAF heart rate (136 bpm) but I'm nowhere near that. Maybe after I get used to doing some three-milers, I'll add intervals into one of my runs each week to build fitness.

Anyway, my legs felt very heavy and tired during this run for some reason. The weather was really nice and I'd expected it to feel easy. I ran as slowly as possible, hoping that it would feel easier. I overshot my three-mile route and did 3.10 miles--12:59 with Joey, 12:19, and 11:56 average paces per mile. Overall average of 12:22 and heart rate of 153 bpm. As soon as I finish this post, I'm going to go for a run and I just hope my legs feel stronger this time.

I had a disappointing week on the scale, but considering how well I've been doing thus far, I'm not worried about it. I did everything the same as I have been, so I don't think I could have changed anything for a larger loss.

I was at 144.8 last week, and this week I was at 144.4. I'm getting excited for the 130's!

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RECIPE: Asian Smashed Cucumber Salad

I have been absolutely obsessed with this Asian Smashed Cucumber Salad lately. Since I have a long gap between breakfast and dinner, but I'm not really hungry for lunch, I make this and eat it in between. It is ridiculously easy, fast, cheap, healthy, light, and refreshing, with just a handful of common ingredients. It's the perfect summer salad!

Why smashed cucumbers? I didn't really get it either, but apparently the vinaigrette can get into the nooks and crannies better. And smashing it is kind of fun!

Ingredients:

1 hothouse cucumber (the kind that comes in plastic wrap)
2 tsp. garlic, minced (or 2 tsp. "jarlic"--minced garlic in a jar--which is what I use)
1-1/2 tsp. sesame oil
1-1/2 Tbsp. rice vinegar
1 Tbsp. tamari or soy sauce
1/2 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. sugar (I used pure maple syrup)
1-1/5 tsp. toasted sesame seeds

Directions: Cut off the ends of the cucumber (do not peel). Using the handle of your knife, smash along the whole length of the cucumber. It will break up into large pieces. Then use your knife to slice the pieces crosswise into chunks. Use a paper towel press out as much water as possible. Place in a bowl.

Combine the rest of the ingredients and pour over the cucumbers. Give it a stir to coat the cucumbers and then place it in the fridge to chill for about 10-15 minutes before eating.

Makes 1 serving. 151 calories, 5 grams protein, 13 grams carbs, 9.5 grams fat, 5 grams fiber

Here is a printer version. I don't have the fancy recipe plug-in like food bloggers use, so this is just a simple google drive pdf! (For some reason, I'm not able to view it on my browser; I hope that it works, and I apologize if not. I'll keep working on it.)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 9

This has been a rough week. The arthritis in my back has been hurting really bad and it's been limiting as far as what I can do around the house. I absolutely hate that my back becomes an obstacle that I have to work around just to do typical activities. I try to get all of the important things done as early in the day as possible because the longer I'm on my feet, the more my back starts to hurt.

I only ran once this week. I think that sitting in front of the computer so long last Wednesday is what made my back pain flare up, so I decided to skip my next run and hopefully the rest would help. I did go for a run on Sunday. I took Joey with me for a mile and then did an out-and-back, for a total of 2.5 miles. I felt like I was running pretty well, but the air was SO thick with humidity it was hard to tell.

My mile pace with Joey was 12:28, and then 11:55 for a mile, and then 11:38 for the last half mile, for an overall average of 12:03/mi. Average heart rate was 152 bpm. It was a tough one, and I think it's because of the humidity. 

I did have a good drop on the scale this week, though--I was at 146.8 last week, and today I was at 144.8. This is a huge milestone, because my BMI is officially "normal" again! (At 5'4", a normal weight rage for me is 107.6--haha!!--to 145.4.) My ultimate aim is 130-135, and I'm hoping to get there by Halloween. Not for any particular reason, it just sounded like a good motivation. I plan to schedule my yearly physical at around that time, too.

Anyway, yesterday the week went from bad to really shitty...

On Monday, Jerry went into work at 8:00 and they asked him to go to South Carolina right away to work at another plant until Thursday. A few hours later, he and his coworker/friend "Joe" (not his real name) were on a plane. They went immediately to the plant--didn't even stop at the hotel first--and worked all day. At around 2:00 in the morning, my phone woke me up. I keep it on "do not disturb" when I sleep, but I can still get messages and calls from Jerry and the kids.

I saw it was Jerry calling me, and I knew immediately something was wrong. He knows how hard it is for me to sleep and he would never call at that time unless it was very important. My first thought was that he'd gotten hurt and he was calling from the hospital. When I answered, he was really upset and I thought maybe something had happened to one of his parents.

Then he said that Joe died. I was STUNNED. They had been in the break room with two other guys and I won't go into detail, but Joe had a cardiac seizure while they were sitting there talking. They immediately called 911 and started CPR, but everything happened so quickly; the paramedics said they'd done everything right, but he couldn't be saved.

Jerry is having a VERY tough time right now. Neither of us has been with someone when they died and he wasn't prepared for the emotional toll it would take. He'd held Joe's hand and talked to him while it was happening, and I told him how important that was. If it had happened at the hotel, Joe would have been alone; or if Jerry hadn't traveled with him, he would have been with strangers. At least he was with a friend.

Jerry had to stick around to speak with the coroner. He called the plant here in Michigan to let them know what happened so someone could contact Joe's family. Another coworker/friend even offered to fly down there and travel back with him (I thought of this as well, but Jerry insisted that he could come home by himself). 

His coworkers have all been so great. His suitcase was in the rental car and Joe had had the keys, so someone went out and got him some clothes (he only had what he was wearing, which was sweaty and dirty from working all day). He was able to get a flight home in the afternoon and after some delays, he made it home around 7:00 last night. He hadn't slept since Sunday night, so he crashed hard last night after we talked about everything.

He's still in disbelief and he keeps thinking "What if...?", wondering if there was something they could have done differently through the day to prevent it, but how can you prevent something that you have no idea is going to happen? He feels guilty that people are worried about him, because he said this was about Joe and not him.

I keep thinking about Joe's wife and my heart is breaking for her. That could just as easily have been Jerry. We're at the age now where it's very real that friends/peers may die from things like heart attacks and strokes, which always felt like decades away. When Audrey's husband Kevin died in December, it woke something up inside of me and I realized just how mortal we are. I'm glad we've been working on getting healthier.

Jerry's boss told him to take the rest of the week off. I got the name of a therapist from my own therapist, so hopefully he'll be able to see them soon.

So, yeah. Not a great week!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 8

If I'm going to be posting awkward mirror selfies, I really need to do something about the lighting in my bathroom. There aren't any windows except for a skylight directly above where I'm standing, so it casts a shadow of every wrinkle (both in skin and clothes) on my body. 

I'm so glad that several of you said you may try out the beans and greens recipes/ideas! If you haven't seen it, I wrote a (very long) post yesterday called A Month of Beans and Greens; it took me forever, so thank you for checking it out, haha. 

I'm going to try to keep this short though, since yesterday's post was so long.

First, my weigh-in:

I had quite a bit of a jump down from last week's 149.6, so I'm thrilled with that! My diet has pretty much been the same all along. Even now that my planned month of beans and greens is over, I've still been eating mostly the same stuff (as you can see on yesterday's post, I love curries). I want to have really good numbers when I get my annual physical this fall, and the soluble fiber in beans as well as oatmeal (which I have as part of my breakfast) are great for lowering cholesterol. I figured I probably spent the first half the year raising my cholesterol with all the junk food, so now I need to pay my dues before my physical ;) 

Several months ago, I made a bet with a friend where I would have to pay a significant amount of money if I ate sweets before August 22. I've done that before and it always works well for me. I chose August 22 because I had a family reunion with my mom's family that day. I hadn't seen a lot of my cousins in at least a decade and I wasn't thrilled to look like I "let myself go", so I wanted to work really hard to lose some weight.

So, the reunion was on Saturday and I felt good about going. Even though I'm not as thin as I was 10 years ago, I'm also 10 years older--so of course I look different. Eating well and running again has made me feel better about myself, regardless of how I look, so I'm happy about that!

About the sweets, I still haven't had any and I don't plan to. Right now, I don't even crave them anymore, but I know that if I eat even a single Oreo, I'll go right back to eating my weight in cookies and non-dairy Ben & Jerry's.

As far as my running this week...

Friday- I should have gone out first thing after the sun came up, but I waited until almost 11:00 and it was hot in the full sun. Despite feeling kind of miserable, my heart rate was lower than usual, which is cool. I ran 2.05 miles at an 11:43/mi average pace and average heart rate of 149 bpm.

Sunday- I definitely didn't learn my lesson on Friday about going out early; this time I went at 1:00. I didn't have Joey (he was with my mom) so I did an out and back on the main road and I think that route makes me run a little faster. There isn't anything interesting to look at, really (no houses, just open road) so maybe that's why. Also, once I hit the turn around point, it's so hard to keep from picking up speed in order to get back sooner! Anyway, I ran 2.11 miles at an 11:32/mi average pace with an average heart rate of 152 bpm.

Tuesday- Learned my lesson about the heat, and I went out at 7:00 in the morning. Joey was with my mom again and it was only 55 degrees, so I was expecting to have a really nice run. However, about half a mile in, I just wasn't feeling it. I was breathing hard and I just kept trying keep my heart rate down by slowing down and matching my breathing to my steps (four steps inhale, three steps exhale is best for easy running--if you're bored, check out my super nerdy post about How To Breathe While Running).

I was doing okay with about three quarters of a mile to go, when suddenly a dog ran out into the street, barking and running right at me. I'm not exactly Speedy Gonzalez, so the dog caught up to me immediately and started jumping on me. The owner ran after him right away so it was only a few seconds, but it scared me enough to make my heart rate shoot up. I'd also unintentionally run faster because of the dog, and I had SUCH a hard time catching my breath after that. The rest of the way home, I was dying. So, needless to say, not a great run. I finished 2.22 miles with an 11:40/mi pace and average heart rate of 150 bpm (I swear it had to be higher than that!).

I have to say, I'm very surprised with myself that I'm still hanging in there--it's been eight weeks, and not only have I continued with my weight loss/running goals, I've actually been blogging about it. This is the most focused I've been in longer than I can even remember! It feels nice :) Thank you for reading.

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A Month of Beans and Greens

I am going to post a Wednesday Weigh-In, but I just spent the last eight hours working on this post and I need a break from the computer. I may wait until tomorrow morning.

I've been putting this post off all month because I felt overwhelmed with it. I should have been more organized through the month and wrote down what I cooked in order to keep track of what I was taking pictures of. But better late than never, and "chaotic" is my middle name, so here we go...

Jerry and I had gotten into the bad habit of eating a lot of convenience foods--vegan nuggets, burgers, stuff like that. After reading about so many people in their 30's and 40's getting colorectal cancer, we decided we needed to focus on eating much healthier--no more convenience foods, at least for a while. And so I thought it would be fun to try a challenge to eat some sort of beans and greens every day day for a month.

First, I want to say that even if I was a food stylist/photographer, a lot of beans and greens meals just do not look appetizing. I would say that probably most of the photos in this post might be a turn off from the beans and greens; but remember, I am not a food stylist or photographer in any sense of the words, so please don't let these pics keep you from trying different versions of beans and greens!

Why Beans and Greens?

A grain, a green, and a bean walked into a bar...

They are pretty much the perfect meal: loaded with nutrition, lots of fiber, endless varieties of combinations, super cheap to make, easy to sub ingredients, and easy to get creative with so it doesn't get boring.

I almost always eat beans and greens with some sort of grain (95% of the time it's brown rice). A super easy "rule of thumb" for a healthy vegan dinner is a grain, a green, and a bean. (I include lentils in the beans category because they are so similar in nutrition. I also include tofu and soy curls, because they are just soy beans.

My favorite grains: short grain brown rice, brown basmati rice, bulgur, red quinoa, and barley. (If you want to switch from white to brown rice for health benefits, try short grain brown rice--it's softer and stickier than other varieties and reminds me of white rice. That's how I got my kids to like it years ago.) I would put pasta and bread in this category as well, but I don't really like bread much and I prefer rice over pasta.

My favorite greens: Collards are my very favorite because they are super easy to prep, they hold up well after cooking a long time, and they take on whatever flavor is in the dish. For this Beans and Greens Month, I also tried mustard greens, rainbow chard, kale, spinach, bok choy, and I think a couple of others. The ones I like the least are the kale and spinach, because they have a strong flavor.

My favorite beans: dark red kidney beans, chickpeas, great northern beans, black beans, navy beans. Despite eating quite a bit of them over the month, I don't really love the flavor of black-eyed peas. I usually choose beans for the texture that I'm going for in the dish: kidney beans hold up really well and don't get mushy, great northern are very soft white beans and perfect for blending into sauces, etc.

As far as lentils, I'm kind of obsessed with red lentils and black (beluga) lentils. The red lentils break down a LOT when cooked, which is good if you're not a fan of the texture of lentils or for dishes like curries. The black lentils hold their shape really well and they're very small (about the size of rice) making them perfect for salads or mujadara (a lentil and rice dish with caramelized onions--so good!). The black lentils are super versatile, so they're my very favorite.

You'll see that most of the beans and greens dishes I make are curries--some sort of sauce with spices (depending on what flavor profile I'm going for), beans (sometimes whole or sometimes blended into the sauce), and about four cups of chopped greens. I almost always serve it with a whole grain. Depending on what I'm making, I use other ingredients as well, but those are the basics.

I apologize that I don't have links for all of the recipes (honestly, I can't remember what some of the dishes even were). I'll link to the ones that I'm able. A lot of these came from the How Not to Die Cookbook, How Not to Diet Cookbook, and How Not to Age Cookbooks.

Any time the recipes called for one can of beans, I always used two. And several, if not most, of the recipes don't call for greens at all! When that was the case, I just chopped four cups of whatever greens I had at the moment and added them. When the recipe did call for greens, most of the time I subbed whatever greens I had on hand rather than sticking to what was called for in the recipe.

Here are photos of the beans and greens (and grains!) meals I made in July...

Pasta with Garlicky White Beans and Greens (How Not to Diet, p. 85). I used red lentil pasta for even more "beans", but did not like the pasta; while I love red lentils, the pasta was not a good texture for me.

Creamy Mushroom Coconut Curry by Happy Veggie Kitchen (I added chick peas and extra mushrooms and skipped the sugar and cilantro. Fun fact: when I took the DNA test a few years ago, I learned that I have the gene that make cilantro taste like soap. I never did like it!).

Slow Cooker Lentil and Quinoa Chili by Aggies Kitchen. I've made this a few times; it's super easy to throw in the crockpot and it tastes delicious! Jerry really likes this one.

Persian Black-Eyed Peas and Greens (How Not to Diet, p. 130) with barley. I used dark red kidney beans and red beans instead of black-eyed peas.

Coconut Chickpea Curry by Real and Vibrant with brown basmati rice. I can't remember if I liked this or not, but I think I remember it being bland. I used chickpeas and black-eyed peas because I didn't have two cans of chickpeas.The greens weren't in the recipe; I just added what I had on hand.

I cannot figure out what this was; clearly some sort of lentil curry!

Hoppin' John Stuffed Collard Rolls (How Not to Die, p. 158). I (obviously) didn't make stuffed rolls; I just chopped up the collard greens and added them to the sauce. Instead of rice, I served it over bulgur. 

I know this is shredded tofu and bok choy with short grain brown rice, but I can't remember what I did for the sauce/seasoning.

Coconut Curry Dal with short grain brown rice. This is currently my favorite go-to meal. (I use full-fat coconut milk instead of lite and skip the oil.) There is rice on top because I realized I didn't add enough to my bowl!

Red Bean and Tempeh Jambalaya (How Not to Age, p. 150) with purple rice. I'd only tried tempeh (fermented soy beans) a couple of times, but it had been a while. I really liked it!

I cannot remember what this was (obviously a curry of chickpeas, tomatoes, collards, and brown basmati, but I don't remember what spices I used).

This was some sort of mushroom curry, but it didn't turn out very good so I threw away the recipe.

Cheesy Broccoli Soup (How Not to Diet, p. 20). This is HEAVENLY. Noah actually asks me to make this for him sometimes because he loves it as well. (There is no cheese in it, despite the name.) It doesn't call for greens, but I added some in addition to the broccoli. The beans are blended into the soup, which makes it thick (along with the cashews). I'm actually planning to make this for dinner tonight.

Barley Stuffed Cabbage Rolls (How Not to Diet, p. 167). I used this recipe *very* loosely. I did not use cabbage; I used whatever greens I had on hand at the time. I obviously didn't stuff them; I just combined the filling and sauce to serve on top of the barley.

Black Lentil Dal (How Not to Diet, p. 137), with short grain brown rice. This is SO much better than it looks! I've made this several times (without the greens) and it's a favorite.

Smokey Black-Eyed Peas and Collards (How Not to Die, p. 127) with red quinoa. I added an extra can of black-eyed peas.

Creamy Sun Dried Tomato Butter Beans by Nora Cooks. This sauce was AMAZING. Like, I wanted to just eat it by the spoonful. This was my first time trying butter beans (a.k.a. lima beans) and I did not like the texture of them. I'll definitely make this again, but with great northern beans instead. And *definitely* with tofu.

 African Red Bean and Sweet Potato Stew (also in How Not to Diet, p. 138). This is one of my very favorite recipes ever. Like, in my top five favorite meals. It's what made me start seeing peanut butter as a savory ingredient--so good. Jerry doesn't even like sweet potatoes, but he loves this too! It doesn't call for greens, but I added what I had.

Vegan Creole Beans (with red rice). I didn't have enough kidney beans, so I used some red beans as well. It didn't call for greens, but I added what I had.

Indian-Style Soy Curls (my recipe that I've perfected over time, loosely based on butter chicken and chicken tikka masala). I make this all the time--the sauce is SO GOOD. Sometimes I make it with tofu, sometimes with beans, sometimes with the soy curls. But it's ridiculously easy--you just throw all the sauce ingredients in a blender and blend until it's really creamy. Then heat it on the stove with soy curls/tofu/beans until hot. I serve this with brown basmati rice. I will post the recipe another day soon!

10-Minute Peanut Butter Curry by Healthy Living James. This didn't have much flavor, so I tossed the recipe. It definitely needed more spices.

Doing this beans and greens experiment (not really an experiment.. a challenge?) was fun! It got me out of the rut of convenience food that Jerry and I had unfortunately gotten used to, and definitely helped me with weight loss (I lost 15 pounds in July).

I'm so sorry that I had a lot of "I don't remember" on here! I really should have been more organized. Still, maybe it'll inspire you to try some version of beans and greens for a nice plant-based meal. After working on this post, I am SO hungry--I'm going to get started on dinner. I may post my weigh-in tonight, but if not, I will tomorrow morning for sure.

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 7

As I was writing the date on this, I realized that it's the anniversary of when I started losing weight in 2009. On this day, 17 years ago(?!), I was 253 pounds. I *hate* this "before" photo of me, but seeing the pictures side-by-side really drives home how far I've come.

Of course, I didn't just lose all the weight and keep all of it off for all this time. I've gotten as low as 121 pounds and as high as 197. I feel my best at around 130 pounds, give or take 5. My ultimate goal for maintenance is about 133.

So where was I on the scale on this day, 17 years to the day after I started counting calories?

I was at 149.6... I broke into the 140's! It wasn't that long ago that I was super excited to see the 150's again. A few months ago, I really didn't even dream I'd ever see the 140's again. I'm now only five pounds from being a "normal" BMI (I'm considered "overweight" until I'm under 145). I've been asked several times recently how tall I am--I'm 5'4". 

I've still been doing the same stuff I've been doing over the last seven weeks: lots of fiber, no sweets or snacks (occasionally I have a piece of fruit in the afternoon if I'm hungry, or even a small portion of leftover dinner). Running three days a week, adding just a tiny bit of distance each run. I think what has helped me the most is the not snacking. I used to snack after dinner, but now I've been eating a large dinner and I don't have interest in snacking later.

For my running this week:

I've had to modify my routes so that I run past my house about a mile in (to drop off Joey at the house, which I mentioned last week). Thankfully, my neighborhood is is almost exactly a mile around the perimeter, so I take him around the neighborhood and then drop him off at home and add head back out until I hit my goal for the day.

Friday- My previous run had been 1.53 miles, so I planned to aim for about 1.60. Since I don't know a 0.6 mile route from my house, I just had to guesstimate and I overshot a little (not a bad thing!). I ran 1.70 miles at a 12:08/mile pace and average heart rate of 151 bpm. My "Joey mile" was 12:23; years ago, he would be out in front of me, pulling me along, the entire time; but now I've had to deliberately slow myself so he can keep up. I feel really bad for him; he would run with me until he legs gave out if I let him. I'm hoping once it's not so humid, it'll be easier for him. He's got SO MUCH FUR, the humidity has to be really hard for him.

Sunday- Same sort of thing. Previous run was 1.70, so my plan was to aim for about 1.80. Again, I dropped Joey off (that first mile time was 12:18) and then I did a guesstimate to continue the distance. I overshot again and hit 1.92 miles. I could have kept going in order to hit 2.0, but I decided I wanted my 2-miler to be a special day of its own. Finished the 1.92 miles at an 11:54/mi average pace (11:27 without Joey) with an average heart rate of 151 bpm.

Tuesday- The weather was GREAT for running! Unfortunately, as soon as Joey and I started out, my legs just felt heavy and I was feeling very tired. I was bummed because it was my 2.0-mile day. Since Tuesday was the last day of my running week, I couldn't put it off. I just pushed through it, and was thrilled when I hit the two-mile mark! It wasn't that long ago that I was struggling HARD to run half a mile. Now, my average heart rate is down a little and my pace is getting a little faster (without trying). I finished two miles--12:04/mi with Joey and 11:14/mi without Joey. Overall, I did 2.00 miles with an average pace of 11:39/mi and average heart rate of 152 bpm.

The running has actually done wonders for my day-to-day mood! Even after all these years, I still get really nervous before a run (even a short easy run). I have no idea why. But as soon as I get home, I walk straight to the bathroom, put the shower on straight-up cold water, strip as quickly as possible and jump in before I cool off. The cold water feels SO good! And then I feel good about it the rest of the day. It's exciting to see the improvement so far.

A few random personal things from recently...

Joey- I took him to the vet about his balance/"clumsiness", and after a thorough check-up, the vet didn't find anything concerning. We think it could be his hearing; he's definitely had hearing loss over the last year or so, and a sudden noise can startle him to losing his balance. But he has no balance issues when he runs with me, and the vet was very impressed that he can run a mile at his age. (Granted, we are not running to qualify for Boston, but running nonetheless. The vet also did some bloodwork since he's getting old, and she said there was a slight abnormality with his kidneys. She doesn't think it's alarming, but we're going to retest him in a few months and compare the results. 

When I tell him that my mom is going to come pick him up, he gets SO EXCITED. So we go outside and he stands like this, watching the end of the road for my mom's car to turn the corner.

Eli is starting the fire academy in a couple of weeks! I can't remember if I mentioned it here or not, but he wants to be a firefighter and has been working really hard to get in shape before he starts the academy. As a mom, I am terrified of him becoming a firefighter; but I am happy that he's chosen to go back to school to do something that interests him. He put in his two-week notice at work yesterday. He still lives at home, but spends most of his time at work, the gym, and his girlfriend's apartment.

Noah is still working full-time and living at home to save money to buy property (he wants to build a house). He's just now starting to look at other options for jobs. He would ideally like to get into a trade like electrical. We've been helping him explore those options. For now, he works a lot (he picks up overtime for the extra money) and when he's not working, he's usually spending time with his boyfriend (yes, you read that correctly; he is very happy and Jerry and I are happy for him!). 

Jerry and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary on Sunday. We did the most unlike-us thing we could have chosen... we went to the Henry Ford Museum! I have probably mentioned (several times over the years) that I hate going to that museum because I chaperoned field trips every.goddamned.year. when the kids were in school. But I've changed so much over the last 4-5 years. When I became vegan, I started reading more about veganism--which led to reading more about the impacts of diet on the environment (I *highly* recommend the documentary called "Eating Our Way to Extinction", free on YouTube). That led me to interest in politics, which led me to learning about war, which led me to learning about history. All things I never had any interest in. 

Anyway, Jerry and I went to the Henry Ford Museum and it was like looking at it with fresh eyes. I really enjoyed our time there! (Jerry has always loved the museum.) We were there for five hours and didn't even see everything. My favorite part was that there is a temporary exhibit called Fabric of America: Our Fashions, Textiles, and Technologies. So perfect for me! There were quilts (including one from the 1700's) and lots of clothing and furniture from throughout the last couple of centuries. It was super interesting (even Jerry liked it).

I was stunned to see this quilt called the Vine Quilt from the late 1800's. Every single one of the leaves and vines are hand-appliquéd! Having appliquéd petals on a couple of quilts myself, I know how much time this must have taken. And most of these individual leaves are pieced with multiple fabrics!

The cats are still spoiled rotten. Estelle is about 18 years old and just recently, she's started to show her age a little. She's gotten smaller and is starting to look a little frail, like Phoebe did for a few years before she passed. But Estelle still gets the zoomies occasionally and she always shows the "kittens" who's boss. Chick and Duck (mainly Duck) are about as needy as two toddlers, which drives me crazy. But I'm still obsessed with Duck and we are totally codependent, haha.

I brought them some "cat grass" from Eastern Market in Detroit. They LOVE this stuff!

Well, I guess that's enough update for now. I *promise* to post my Beans and Greens post by Friday. I'm writing that here so that I actually have a deadline and I stop procrastinating!

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