Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 186

You know how when you haven't done something in a really long time, it just gets either more difficult or more awkward the longer you wait? Yeah, that's how I feel about writing today. It's been so long that it feels both difficult AND awkward.

I'm not sure what to say, really! Everything has been pretty much the same around here, more or less. A year ago, I was still going through one of the worst times of my life, so I am very glad that life has been uneventful, for the most part. I thought I'd moved past it, but that year and a half of my life changed me a LOT inside and I've been struggling with that. (Also looking for the right therapist)

Anyway, the current uneventfulness doesn't leave much to write. I chose to write a weigh-in post today mainly because of the writing prompt! I think it's been three weeks or so since my last weigh-in, and unfortunately (or, perhaps, fortunately), nothing has changed. Without looking back, I think my weight was at around 145 last time and that's about what it was today:

I still haven't made any significant changes to my diet/exercise, so I wasn't expecting to have lost anything. I haven't been actively working on creating new habits or breaking bad ones. It's hard to admit to myself when I know that I have what it takes and I know what I need to do in order to reach my goals; I just don't have the drive to do it. I tell myself that if I want something badly enough, I'll do what it takes. Even though I very badly want to get back down to a comfortable weight, it's clearly not enough to make me do the work.

I feel like I'm approaching one of those defining moments I get occasionally. I get to the point where I'm finally ready to make a change and then I go ahead, full throttle, definitely a bit overzealous. That's kind of how I've always done things, haha. Ideally, I'd find a comfortable middle ground.

I haven't really set goals in a long time and I miss that drive I used to get when I was focused on meeting a goal. I'm torn between wanting to strive for some goals and wanting to just go with the flow. Yesterday, when putting on some of my "warmer weather" clothes, I realized that I either need to set some goals or buy a new (larger) wardrobe, hahaha. My weight is up about 10 pounds from last year and that means a whole clothing size. I don't have "back up" clothes anymore. So, I need to make a choice. And I'm going to set some goals--defined and measurable ones, like the days when I felt almost unstoppable.

The two things that are most important to me (physically) right now are losing 10-15 pounds and exercising regularly. Since those are very broad, I have to break them down. And to be honest, I haven't done that yet. I already know *what* I need to do; I mainly need to figure out a motivator or some sort of drive that makes my goals feel like a priority.

I didn't intend for this post to sound negative. I really need to write more frequently so that my thoughts are more organized. I never realized that the daily (or even near-daily) blogging helped in that way. I keep telling myself that I need to do a "catch-up" post, so I'll do that no later than Sunday (if I don't give myself a deadline, I may not do it).

For now, I'm going to sit down and write out some goals, as well as plans/habits for reaching them. Maybe that will be the motivation I need to get started. Let's hope so! ;)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 182

I figured I'd better do a weigh-in today, since it's been three weeks. Yikes! The time has been going by so fast and it feels hard to keep up. I've really been enjoying the time away from my blog, though. It hasn't really been for any reason other than my needing a mental break from it, and it's definitely helped.

I wish I could say that my weight has gone down a significant amount since my last weigh-in, but I definitely wasn't expecting it to. Nothing has changed as far as my diet goes (which isn't a good thing) and I want to create better habits. This month has been kind of crazy and I need to do a better job at handling changes to routine.

As far as today, I was at 145.2, which is down only a little from the 146 that I think I was at three weeks ago. Since my habits haven't changed, I can't expect my weight to ;)

The boys on Eli's baseball team asked if I would take pictures at their games again this year, and that made me feel good! So of course I agreed. It's a surprisingly big time commitment, though. I usually take about 250 photos during the game (I do a lot of bursts so that I can have fun action photos), and then I have to upload them to my computer so I can weed out the ones that didn't turn out or have multiple similar ones. (I usually narrow it down to about 100.) Then I try to make sure I have photos of each kid. And then I upload them to a shared album so the kids can download what they want. I really enjoy doing it for them, knowing that they are excited to have them.

Despite the changes in routine, I haven't been eating *too* terribly. I haven't had any sweets/desserts at all (and since I don't crave sugar right now, I'm not going to chance it for a cookie or something). I recently bought a cookbook called Vegan Asian by the blogger at The Foodie Takes Flight (Jeeca Uy). [I've been buying cookbooks over the last year or so rather than using recipe sites--there are just SO MANY ads on sites that it takes way too long to simply check out the ingredients in a recipe to decide if I even want to make it.] I'm glad I got this book because it's absolutely amazing. My favorite cookbook for sure. I've made several recipes and all have turned out delicious.

The only problem is that many ingredients aren't exactly healthy. There is a lot of sodium (mainly from soy sauce) and a lot of oil (for stir-frying). Also, I've been eating portions that are definitely bigger than they should be.

I'd like to get back to not eating after 7:00 pm (that is the biggest help when I want to lose weight, I've discovered), but it's nearly impossible with Eli's baseball schedule. His games are usually at 4:00 (sometimes as far as 45 minutes away) and a lot of them are double headers. So we don't get home until 8:30 or 9:00!

As far as exercise, I haven't been doing my morning runs anymore and I would really like to start them again. The reason I stopped was that I injured my knee in the stupidest way possible. I was cleaning out the garage and I was trying to remove a drawer from a small nightstand. I bought it at a garage sale ages ago with the plan to refinish it; but when I tried to sand off the paint, I discovered that it must be some sort of magic paint because it will NOT come off. I gave up.

Anyway, the drawer was stuck and I couldn't, for the life of me, get it to open and come out. (I had an idea of how to use the stand without the drawers and I wanted to try it.) I grabbed a hammer and started trying to hit the drawer outward--it was budging a tiny bit. After several hard hits, it was finally starting to come loose. I pulled back the hammer and swung really hard, thinking that final blow would get the drawer out.

Well, the hammer smashed right through the drawer's bottom (which was just thin plywood) and landed right on my goddamn kneecap! The pain was blinding and I couldn't even move. I was really worried that I shattered the bone--how could a direct blow from a hammer NOT?--but I wound up with a very deep bruise and a very painful knee. It hurt to even move my foot for about a week, which is when I stopped my morning runs.

I should have started right back up but so much time had passed and "one more day" wouldn't make a difference (story of my life). And now it's weeks later. Someone sent me a link to a challenge for a run streak in May, which is mental health awareness month. You can sign up (kind of like you would a race) and it's a virtual challenge to run (or walk) one mile a day for all of May.

I really like that idea! Since I'm passionate about mental health and I would like to get back to running, it seems to be a good fit for me. I haven't made the commitment yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to.

I met a friend at the Metropark on Sunday for a six-mile walk. She'd chosen the last place we walked so it was my turn to choose. I found myself feeling nostalgic for the path where I used to do a lot of my long runs with Jessica (and even by myself). It turned out to be a bad day for that particular park (it was flooded in a lot of areas because we've had so much rain) but seeing people out running on the path gave me a little pang of longing to do it too. I find it so inspiring--whether the person is very fit and fast or out of shape and slow, it inspires me all the same.

I know I've said this a few times now, but I'm going to make my goal for the week to be a couple of runs--not just around the block, but at least a couple of miles. If it's too hard, I'll take walk breaks, but I think I can manage a couple of miles if I run slowly enough ;) ALSO, I'm going to post a Friday Night Photos before my photos get out of hand!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 179

I was so sure that today was Tuesday. I even felt relieved that I had one more day before my Wednesday Weigh-In, hahaha. I knew I was not going to do well this week (well, it's actually been TWO weeks since my last weigh-in). Things have been so out of routine and the last couple of weeks was a challenge.

Jerry had to do a special project at work which temporarily switched his schedule again (naturally, it was right when we were getting used to the new schedule). Everything they had him doing was so *not* what he'd signed up for when he took the new position in December. It's back to normal now (including his schedule) but it gave him enough insight to reconsider the position.

He has an interview in a different department today. It would be a big leap for him, but he said he'd really like to learn new things. It would also give him experience that he can use outside of his plant--if something should happen and he needs to find work elsewhere, it will give him the skills that he can use in all sorts of settings. He said he'll be happy if he gets the position, but he won't be devastated if he doesn't.

The biggest change would be that he'd go back to working a screwy schedule--except it would be day shift rather than the night shift he'd been working for three years. After all he did to get the new schedule he has now, he said he kind of misses the longer days! He'd prefer to work three or four 12-hour shifts a week than five 8-hour shifts (which makes sense--it's nice to have three or four days off a week!). He also misses having random days off during the week, rather than just the weekends.

Anyway, I only write about this because while Jerry was working longer days the last couple of weeks, it affected our eating habits. Eating dinner later, staying up later, eating snacks after dinner... the habits I'd worked hard to get rid of! I wasn't surprised then, to see my weight was up today.

I think I was at around 143 last time and today I was at 146. I'm not happy about it, but I can't pretend I didn't know that would happen when I fell back into some old habits. No excuses here--just accountability.

My friend Emily texted me a few days ago to ask if I might be interested in running the Detroit Marathon with her this fall. After I laughed out loud and declined (which she totally expected), I started to think that maybe I'd like to start running again. (I don't mean the runs around the block, which are more for mental health than physical fitness.) I certainly have no interest in distance running again, but it would be nice to feel back in shape enough to run 3-5 miles a couple of times a week.

The very next day, I came across a movie on Netflix called Tyson's Run. I am sure I won't do a good job explaining it, so here is the trailer (below). While I normally prefer thrillers and horror movies, once in a while I love a "feel good" story--and this one is GREAT. I don't know if it's the movies or if it's me that is getting more emotional with time, hahaha.

Watching that movie was inspiring to me, and again, I thought about wanting to run. Jerry asked me if I miss running and the answer is that I miss running *when I was in shape to run*. Running when I'm out of shape is not at all fun; and unfortunately for me, the only way to get into running shape is to run! Over the last several years, I just haven't wanted to put up with the discomfort of training. However, I really miss the feel of coming inside after a good run and feeling great all day.

On the occasions I do go for a run, I can feel my leg muscles aching and my lungs begging for more oxygen, and it's so hard to think ahead to the point of how good I'll feel when I'm back in shape. Having patience with diet and exercise is so hard, isn't it?! If I truly want to find joy in running again, I have to put in the work to get back into shape. And that takes time and patience. I already know what I need to do if I want to get back there--I just have to go into it with the right attitude.

I'm going to give it some more thought this week. In the meantime, however, I am going to state my goal for this week as this: I am going to do a "test run" this week to see just how bad off I am! Hahaha. I'm pretty sure I can run three miles, but I am 100% sure it won't feel easy. I don't care at all about my pace, but I'm very curious to see how I feel. And then I can decide if I'm willing to make the commitment at this time in my life ;) 

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 177

Well, that was a short two weeks!

I wasn't planning to stop blogging for so long, but it was really nice to let my computer collect a little dust over the last two weeks ;)  I'd like to do a "catch-up" post (for the last couple of months, haha), but I wouldn't even know where to start. When I was blogging daily, I started struggling to come up with things to write about; while I still don't have anything major to write, it feels good not to feel totally blocked when I sit down to write.

If I was to boil down the last two weeks into one main point, it's that I don't do well without having a routine (which we all know already). A couple of months ago, I actually managed to get into the most normal sleep routine I've ever had (and I've never had a "normal" sleep pattern--insomnia has plagued me for my entire life). I made myself turn off the lights by 10:00 pm, which is unheard of for me (my mind just doesn't shut off). At first, it was really hard to fall asleep that early, but as I get older, I prefer getting up early over staying up late. So I kind of forced it and eventually was getting a full six hours of sleep--10 to 4--almost every day. And only waking up once or twice during the night!

[Another reason I like going to bed early is because it stops me from snacking at night, which is a big issue for me.]

A couple of weekends ago, Jerry and I went to a friend's house to play some board games. I was a little worried it would throw off my sleep, but I don't want to be held hostage in the evenings on the weekend and not go out and do things! We had a lot of fun and it wasn't even a super late night; I think we got home at 11:30 ish.

I was wide awake, however, and didn't fall asleep until sometime after 3:00, and then managed to sleep in until 7:00--but all it took was that one day to mess with my sleep schedule. After that, my body wanted me to stay up late again. A week later, just as I was starting to get back into the earlier routine, we had another "late" night on Sunday (a few days ago). Jerry and I took the kids to go see Bill Burr in Detroit (a Christmas present). I *loved* spending time just the four of us and we had a lot of fun! Again, it wasn't a super late night, but now I'm struggling to sleep. Again.

For those of you that go to bed early ("early" is different for everyone, obviously; in my mind, I'm thinking 9:00-10:00 ish), how do you handle being out "late" on weekends? Does it mess with your routine? I'm thinking that if I continue to get up at the same time every day, even after a late night, it'll be easier to go to sleep the next night. I'll try that next time, instead of trying to sleep in.

Anyway, with my sleep schedule thrown off, it kind of threw off all sorts of other stuff. And on top of it, Jerry is doing a project at work that caused his schedule to change slightly (only for two weeks, thankfully!).

Even though I haven't been blogging, I've been keeping busy working on projects around the house (and a few projects for other people). Oh, and spring cleaning! We've had a couple of gorgeous, warm days recently--I love to open up the windows, crank up some music, and spring clean/organize. Cleaning feels like less of a chore on a nice day with the windows open. My house was so clean yesterday; a clean house always puts me in a good mood.

As far as my eating for the last couple of weeks, I did okay. Not great, because late nights always make me snack; for meals, though, I did pretty good. I guessed it balanced out well enough, because my weight was pretty much the same as it was two weeks ago.

I was at 143.2, down from 143.6; still about 10 pounds more than I'd like, but as long as I'm not gaining, I'm not complaining ;)

For this upcoming week, my main focus is going to be working on going to bed earlier (and therefore, not snacking). One of Dr. Greger's 21 Tweaks [for weight loss] suggests not snacking after 7:00 pm--and I've noticed it makes a big difference in my weight when I'm following that guideline. The last couple of times my weight dipped into the 120's was when I stopped snacking at night (or I had a piece of fruit or a few dates or prunes or something like that).

I also want to write more frequently. At the very least, I want to do Friday Night Photos because that's always been kind of a journal for me--recapping my week--and I like having that. I haven't done one in a long time so I'll just have to pick and choose what to share, but after that, I'd like to go back to doing it weekly!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 175

A reader sent me this shirt and the cat looks so much like Duck--I love it!

Happy Leap Day! For not being a holiday-person, there is something that I love about Leap Day. Probably because of numbers and I definitely *am* a numbers-person.

Holy cow, I just realized it's been three weeks since my last weigh in...? I knew I skipped Valentine's Day, but I don't remember why I skipped last week. I wasn't avoiding the scale, so I just probably didn't feel like writing. As I step further from blogging, it's actually getting harder to make myself write. I like the accountability of my weigh-ins, though, so I really want to try to get back to doing them every single week.

I've been hovering in the low- to mid-140's for a while now. Today, I was at 143.6, and I don't remember what my weigh-in was three weeks ago, but I think it was similar.

However, I've recently run into a problem I've never really had before during weight loss, and it's been a challenge...

I've never had a "regular" schedule--Jerry's work schedule was always all over the place and since I'm a "homemaker" (saying "stay-at-home parent" sounds kind of odd now that Eli is a senior in high school!), I based my schedule around Jerry's. Having a swing shift has advantages for sure, but it's terrible when you thrive on a consistent schedule.

I'd never been able to plan meals for the same time every day, have a standing date with friends, or have an available time slot that was open every week (I'm a homemaker by choice, but if I'd wanted to work outside the home, my availability was all over the place--nothing consistent).

All of this is to say that every day was pretty much the same--it wasn't like, "Yay, it's the weekend!", because sometimes a Wednesday and Thursday were like weekends to us. Or a Monday and Tuesday. Or whatever. So, I never had that "weekend mentality"--eating really well during the week and splurging on the weekends, etc. Having such a inconsistent schedule actually seemed to work well in that sense.

Now that Jerry has a consistent schedule, SO MUCH has changed. We're still getting used to it, and we definitely need to work on our diet. We've fallen into the "weekend mentality" cycle. And it's hard to get out of!

I make dinner at the same time every day, which has been so so so nice for planning purposes, and our weekdays are very consistent. However, we've started treating the weekends like a free-for-all when it comes to our day to day life. Mainly regarding food.

It started when we were eating super clean during January. There was a lot of vegan "junk food" that I wanted to make, but it didn't fit in with a whole foods diet. So, I suggested we make Friday a "junk food" dinner night: vegan burgers, pizza, fried tofu, etc. That way, we'd be eating (mostly) clean six days a week and could still enjoy our favorite junk foods. Sounds like a good idea, right?

[I want to note that this is NOT something I call a "cheat day"--we aren't on a diet. We've just been trying to eat much healthier and, in general, I think that having one junk meal a week fits just fine into a healthy diet. Honestly, the junk meals aren't even horrible--just far less nutrition, while still being vegan. I don't like the phrase "cheat day" because it implies bingeing or overeating just to squeeze it all into one day.]

Anyway, what started as a great idea turned around fast--from one meal to then eating whatever all day Friday, then Friday and Saturday, and then pretty much the whole weekend. And on Monday, it's back to the norm. This is a problem we've never faced before!

My weight has been fluctuating much more than usual, and certainly more than it should. I'm talking a difference of 10 pounds in a weekend! It's clearly not all fat, because after a couple of days of eating healthy, it comes right off. But the whole cycle is not something I'm happy with--especially considering I am trying to get my weight back down under 135.

This weekend will be a big test. Jerry and I have been talking all week about how we're going to handle it, haha. Going into it with a plan in place and acknowledging how the "weekend mentality" is messing with our weight loss goals, we're super determined to stop the cycle this weekend. I do still like the idea of making a "junk food"-type dinner on Friday nights, though. When the kids were younger, we used to plan "Pizza Friday" for when Jerry would have Fridays off--that's the only reason I chose Friday. If I leave it up in the air, we'll likely fall back into the cycle.

So, that's an update of what's been happening over the last three weeks as far as weight loss/diet. I've still been running first thing every morning with Joey. A few weeks ago, I mentioned that, for a week, I was going to add one block (only a tenth of a mile) to the run every day--and I did! I made myself do it for a week to see if I could get used to it (and gradually increase my distance).

However, I found it made me absolutely dread the run, which is so stupid! It's only a tenth of a mile longer (60 seconds on a good day), but there is something mental about the fact that when I know I'm only running one block, it feels so simple because I can see my house practically the entire way. So, after that week, I decided that one block is good if it gets me out and running. A couple of times a week, I'll do two or even three if the weather is nice--not planned, but once I'm out there I sometimes choose to do more.

Something that I am very happy with is that I've missed about four or five runs; it sounds odd to be happy about that, but I was so worried that if I broke the streak I started September 1, I'd just quit altogether. The first time I missed it, I was so mad--I'd gotten dressed for winter running, put Joey on the leash, and started making my way down the driveway. There was literally not ONE bare spot of concrete that wasn't covered with ice. It was the kind of ice that has no traction whatsoever--picture an ice skating arena--and was slightly melting so it had a thin layer of water on top.

I quickly realized it wasn't possible to run. And then I realized it might not even be possible to make it back up the driveway! Hahaha, our driveway has a slight slope and my feet just kept sliding back toward the street. Sure, I could have just run on the treadmill; but my purpose for making this morning run a habit was to get outside in the fresh air to start my day off feeling good.

There have been a few other occasions where I've missed the run, but I'm good with that because I get right back to it the next morning--as long as it's so habitual that it feels weird NOT running each morning, I'd say that's successful. I'm just really happy that I haven't treated it as I tend to treat streaks of any kind--quitting as soon as the streak is broken.

Okay, this post is really long for a weigh-in! My plan for the upcoming week is simply to eat consistently. I've been great about getting in vegetables and my diet throughout the week has been super healthy. It's just the weekend mentality that I need to stop before it becomes a habit.

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 172

It just hit me when I typed "172" in the title of this post that 172 weeks is well over three years! [ETA: three weeks later, I opened this post and saw that I didn't change the week number on my photo--groan. After I wrote about it and everything!] It doesn't seem like it's been that long since I got serious about losing my 2018 weight gain. A little over a week ago marked two years since becoming vegan. And a week from tomorrow will mark three years since I quit drinking alcohol. It kind of stuns me that it's been this long!

After Eli woke up during his oral surgery in December, I was kind of desperate for answers. I don't want him to be afraid of anesthesia for the rest of his life (right now, he says he'll never even go to a dentist again, let alone a surgeon). I've always suspected that I metabolize drugs faster than normal, but I didn't know there was a DNA test for it. And I figured if I am a rapid or ultra rapid metabolizer, there is a good chance my kids could be, too. (I didn't know if it would affect the anesthesia drugs, but it was a start.)

I'd been wanting to get tested for the breast cancer gene and especially the Alzheimer's gene for a long time, but was always too scared. Anyway, the point is, I ordered a 23 & Me genetic test--it looks at your genes for a ton of different conditions, diseases, carrier statuses, etc, among things like ancestry and physical characteristics.

I haven't decided how much I want to share yet, but one thing that I found interesting was my genetic weight:

It said that my genes predispose me to weigh about 3% more than average. According to 23 & Me, the average weight of a 5'4" woman of European descent is 151 pounds (3% higher would be about 155.5). 

My result makes sense to me, actually; when my weight was at my lowest of 121, I was wearing a size 2. And I could theoretically still lose 13 more pounds and stay within the CDC recommended weight range! That seems so ridiculous. Anyway, what does this result mean for me? Nothing, really. It's just something that I thought was kind of interesting.

[If you're thinking of doing 23 & Me, I was given a referral link--I'm not sure if it gives you a discount, but I may get something for the referral. That's not why I brought up the test, but I wanted to disclose. Here is the link: 23 & Me genetic test.]

As for this week, I ate really really well. There is nothing I would have done differently. I was a little disappointed in the scale, though, because I felt like I'd lost a lot more than this!

I was at 142.4, which is only down 0.6 pounds from last week. My clothes are looser and I don't feel puffy, so I thought I'd see a bigger loss. But I'm not going to quit doing what I'm doing. I know, as much as anybody, that you can do all the right things one week and lose five pounds, then do the exact same things another week and not lose anything.

I do feel a million times better since eating healthier, though. I've even been sleeping better and running feels easier! Maybe it's just in my head, but I think I see a difference in the mirror, too. A lot of my clothes are still on the tight side, but that's because they fit really well at 130-135 pounds--for a while there, I was really worried I might have to buy bigger clothes. Considering how I feel right now, I really don't want to screw it up for a few Oreos or something; I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing and hope that everything takes care of itself.

Last week, I said I was going to increase my daily run from one block (0.4 miles) to two blocks (0.5 miles). Physically, it was no big deal; mentally, though, I was loving the "just one time around the block" rule. I wanted to give it a week and then decide that I could go back to one block if I wanted.

I ran two blocks every day this week and now, I don't think Joey will be very understanding if we cut back, haha. He's so used to our routine every morning. I can already picture the disappointment in his eyes if we cut out the extra block ;)  So, we'll continue with the half-mile daily runs.

I can't wait for it to warm up outside. Right now, with all the layers I wear, it takes me longer to get ready to run than it does to actually complete the it!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 140

This week was much better than the previous, as far as my eating goes. Jerry and I have been back to eating whole foods (only a few days in so far though) and I already feel ten times better. It's so interesting how much of a difference diet makes in the way we feel. We've all heard that a healthy diet and exercise is crucial to feeling your best, but it's one of those pieces of advice that are so generic and it's overwhelming to even think about.

One thing that I noticed over the last several months is that my running pace is very closely correlated to my weight/diet. My mile pace had gotten down into the low-9:00's for a little while in the fall, and then as I gained weight or just didn't eat very well, my pace got up to 12:00-ish. 

On the weekend, after eating so poorly for a couple of weeks, my 0.4 mile morning run felt like a 10K race--and that was at an 11:00/mi pace! This morning, after only two full days of being back to eating whole foods, my pace was 9:55/mi--and I felt a million times better during today's run than I did last week. Less effort and faster. I know I didn't gain that much fitness in two days, so it's got to be my diet.

Anyway, the week was kind of uneventful. My birthday was last Wednesday, but I don't like to celebrate my birthday, so we didn't go out to dinner or have cake or anything like that. Since I don't have a car during the day right now, I've been doing a lot of small projects around the house (things that just take a couple of hours at a time--like touching up paint, cleaning out and organizing cupboards, mending clothes, and even building a couple of night tables for my bedroom out of scrap 2x4's).

It was kind of fun working on a wood project in the garage again! I didn't do much woodworking over the summer because I felt burnt out with it. I did a ton of sewing over the fall and winter, but I think I'll make it a point to do some fun woodworking projects this summer.

Noah's girlfriend came over a couple of days ago because she wanted me to help her sew something for Noah for Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is her favorite holiday--isn't that interesting?! That's the first time I've heard anyone say that their favorite holiday is Valentine's Day. This will be her first Valentine's Day in a relationship, and the gift she is making is SO CUTE. Noah doesn't know that she's making him something, but I think he's going to love it. (Once she gives it to him, I'll post a picture.)

Finally, to get to the point of this post... my weigh-in!

It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, thankfully. I'm up a pound from two weeks ago, but I know that it was higher last week (and over the weekend). I felt so puffy, but eating really well the last couple of days made a huge difference (I can always tell by the way my ring fits--sometimes I can barely get it off, but right now, it easily slides along my finger.)

For this coming week, the plan is to continue eating (mostly) whole foods. Also, just for this week, I'm going to add another block onto my morning run; I haven't increased the distance at all since I started in September (other than a few random runs where I felt good and wanted to run a little farther). It's only another 0.1 mile to add a block, but I don't want the thought of, "I have to run farther!" to make me stop my morning runs altogether. So, I'm just going to test it out this week by adding a single block and seeing how it goes.

I feel confident going into this week--let's hope it goes well!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 139

I've been dreading writing this post all week! I had a really bad week as far as my eating goes. I had been doing SO good for the first couple of weeks of January, thanks to the challenge that Jerry and I did. Since my health goal for the year was to eat more vegetables, I suggested that Jerry do it, too. He's not a fan of vegetables, but I told him that maybe if he keeps trying them, he'll eventually like them. I think that our taste buds change based on what our current diet is, so maybe if he starts including veggies here and there, he'll start to really like them.

The problem is, I feel so bad making food that I "know" he won't like. I love mushrooms, but I almost never making anything with mushrooms because Jerry and the kids don't like them. Same with a lot of other fruits and veggies. So, he said that if I promise to make recipes that I think he won't like (recipes that include vegetables that I like but rarely make), then he'll eat them and *try* to like them.

I've been looking at Dr. Greger's Daily Dozen checklist to try to work in those items to my daily diet, and one of them is leafy greens. I never eat leafy greens; out of all the vegetables, they just aren't my favorite. They're on the list only slightly above celery, and that's pretty bad.

Rather than trying to get creative on a daily basis, I decided to just eat a small salad (he suggests at least two cups of leafy greens a day) before dinner. I don't make anything fancy--just mesclun mix and a homemade dressing (I got the recipe from the How Not To Die cookbook).

I was very surprised to discover that I really like eating the salad before dinner! Salad for a meal is a disappointment (an unpopular opinion, I know) but having it before dinner was kind of a game changer for me. I actually really like the taste of it, and the extra volume of food makes it easier to eat less food overall. I stay full a lot longer, too, so it makes it MUCH easier not to snack at night.

Anyway, aside from the salad, we've also been eating a lot of other vegetables. Unfortunately, over the last week, Jerry and I started snacking a lot (again). Less vegetables. Junkier food. It's not even just the food, but our attitudes--in general, we've been lazier, more carefree, and even flippant. Not at all like responsible adults! Hahaha.

So many things shifted at once--going from horrible luck over a period of a year and a half, to paying off the house and car, to Noah moving out, to Jerry's new work schedule, to Eli turning 18--and our attitudes certainly changed right along with it. There have been so many positive changes (like Jerry's work schedule and paying off the house) that it seems like we've both been able to take a deep breath and relax after being so on edge for a year and a half. We'd constantly been waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Obviously we can't stop bad things from happening, but we've been loving this break ;)

My weight, however, has not. I'm actually not going to post a weigh-in today. I hadn't been planning to skip it, but I forgot to actually weigh myself this morning. Since I was dreading it anyway, I'm just going to give myself a week to try to get myself back in control before weighing in. Jerry and I both mentioned that we feel like crap (physically) since we have been eating so poorly this week, after two weeks of eating healthier than ever. So we're back at it today--continuing our challenge of eating more vegetables. And acting like mature, responsible parents rather than carefree teenagers! Hahaha.

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 138

It has been so funny trying to get used to Jerry's new work schedule.

First, it didn't go according to plan. Jerry started his first day shift a few days after Christmas, then he was off work for the holiday weekend. When he went back, his boss told his crew that they are going to be running some special project for two weeks--ON NIGHT SHIFT. So, he had to work nights for a couple of weeks. Yesterday, was his second take at his first day on day shift, haha.

I'm so used to Jerry sleeping during the day. Our bedroom is super dark (the black walls and room darkening blinds and drapes make it pitch black) that you can't even see your hand in front of your face. When I have to go in and out of there during the day while Jerry is sleeping, I am always very quiet and I use the faintest glow of my cell phone screen to see what I need, etc. Thankfully, Jerry sleeps like a rock and he doesn't have a problem with noise during the day; still, I like to be quiet.

Yesterday morning was no different. I did my usual tip-toeing around, and used the light from my cell phone screen to look inside my bedroom cabinet for something. It was then that it hit me--Jerry was at work! Hahahaha. That is one thing I am going to LOVE about having him on day shift. I can wash bedding and put away laundry during the day, vacuum, clang around dishes, etc. 

Anyway, about this week...

Jerry and I have been doing really well with our vegetables challenge! I couldn't have picked worse timing to do it, though. Since he had to go back to night shift for two weeks, we weren't able to eat dinner together (which made the challenge not as fun). However, we both really like it, so we're going to keep doing what we've been doing. I'll keep making recipes with lots of veggies and we'll keep trying them to see how we like them.

One thing I've gotten in the habit of doing (I added this to my ongoing "atomic habits" list--things that I want to continue to do until they truly are just a habit) is eating a small salad before dinner. It's one of the habits that Dr. Michael Greger suggests for several reasons, but I'm mostly curious to see if it helps me to feel fuller so that I don't snack at night.

As you know, I don't like salad. I don't *hate* it, but it's not something I eat. However, to get in leafy greens was going to be difficult for me. I figured the easiest way was in one fell swoop with a small salad before dinner. It's not even special--just mesclun mix topped with a homemade turmeric dressing (I think it's called caesar dressing in the How Not To Die Cookbook--but it doesn't taste like caesar, FYI). The more complicated a salad is, the less likely I am to eat it, which is why I like the mesclun mix and uber-healthy dressing.

I'm super surprised that I actually like having the salad before dinner! Dr. Greger specifies to eat it before dinner rather than during dinner, and I think by doing that, I eat more slowly (and less food) during dinner. It's not on purpose--I eat until I'm just as full as I was before I started having a salad before dinner--but it feels good knowing that no matter what I eat for dinner, at least I'm having my greens!

Even better, it has definitely helped me to not snack at night. It's kind of unrelated, but I've been going to bed super early (like 8 or 9:00) and then waking up super early (3 or 4:00). I think going to bed early helps me to not snack at night as well. I really like that sleep schedule because I love being awake so early in the day. It makes the day feel so much longer than when I stay up late at night.

So, how has all of this been helping with my weight loss? I was down a couple of pounds on the scale today:

I was at 144.4 last week, so seeing 142 today was good. I'm trying not to think about what it was a few months ago or even a few weeks ago. Right now, I'm just focusing on one pound at a time. But mostly, just trying to follow my new habits because they definitely seem to be working well!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 137

This has been quite the week, as far as my eating habits go! I wrote about the challenge that Jerry and I made for each other, but in a nutshell: I have to make recipes for dinner that I really want, but that I don't think Jerry will like because of the vegetables; and for his part, Jerry has to eat them and see if his tastebuds adapt to eating veggies he doesn't think he likes.

It sounds odd, right? I "have" to cook things that I really want? (Honestly, though, this is actually very hard for me; I feel super guilty making meals with ingredients--typically vegetables--that I know Jerry won't like.)  Jerry had said that he's tired of eating like a child (avoiding vegetables). He's always eaten what I make, but I have always tried to make things that I know he likes. Soooo, this was good for both of us.

We went grocery shopping together to pick out a bunch of vegetables, and it was actually kind of funny. I got so excited to put things in the cart that I don't normally buy--mushrooms, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, purple cabbage, and more. I looked through my vegan cookbooks for recipes that use a lot of the vegetables that Jerry's not into.

HE was actually very excited about this challenge as well--it was his idea! I've tried to make a good variety of food all week. It's no surprise that *I* have been loving it ;)  However, I did not expect Jerry to like it as much as he does; he even surprised himself. He was hesitant to try sweet potatoes, but he really liked them.

One of his most hated foods is cucumber, so I said I wouldn't make anything with cucumber. But I made a sweet potato shawarma bowl and cucumber was one of the toppings. I told him he could just skip that topping, but he insisted that he wanted to try to like cucumber. AND HE DID. He didn't like it when trying a piece on its own, but when it was mixed with all of the mediterranean food, he said it went together very well. (I kept raving about the whole bowl because it was soooo delicious.)

Since I've been trying to work Dr. Gregor's Daily Dozen into my diet for the most part, I've been eating almost all whole foods. So that's kind of what this challenge has turned into--eating whole foods for two weeks. It's been a week so far, and Jerry has already lost six pounds!

As far as my weight, well... I was really excited to see that the scale was actually moving down. On Monday, I was down about three pounds. On Monday night, we went to La Pita for Eli's birthday dinner. I think the last time I'd gone out to eat was when Jerry and I went to Rockford, IL last March! And you know that I *love* La Pita.

Eating vegan at a Lebanese/mediterranean restaurant is super easy--so many options. However, since I want to eat whole foods and get my weight back down, I skipped the pita bread and garlic sauce. I didn't want to eat more than I would normally eat at home. So, I got herb roasted potatoes and a side of hummus. Their hummus is mind-blowing, so I knew I wanted that; I just needed something to dip in it, haha. They were really good! And I felt good about what I'd eaten. (I actually ate a small salad at home before we left so that I would get in my leafy greens.)

La Pita has jumped on board with extra plant-based options, including Impossible "meat" substitutions! Jerry was thrilled to see that. So, he got kafta made with the Impossible "meat" instead of beef. I tasted a bite of it and it was *really* good--I didn't expect that at all. Jerry loved it, to say the least.

On the way home, we had to stop and get some frozen blueberries (I eat them with breakfast every morning and we were out). While walking through the store, I saw a Lindt chocolate bar made with Oat Milk and I just couldn't resist--I wanted to try it so badly! Since I had been eating so well all day, I figured Jerry and I could share the chocolate. (It was AMAZING. If you're vegan or plant-based, and you don't like dark chocolate, give it a try.)

Anyway, the whole point is, my weight was back up the next morning--by three pounds! I know it's not because of excess calories, so it's likely water weight. I was just hoping it would have come off before my weigh-in. Unfortunately, it did not.

It's still down from last week's 144.4, but I had been excited when I was seeing so much progress! Anyway, I'm still doing good with everything--I've eaten about 95% whole foods this week and it makes a huge difference in how I feel. I really love eating so many vegetables, and I even get excited about cooking. Jerry likes trying all the new foods, so he wants to continue to do it. It's been a fun experiment! Jerry wants to start writing on Tuesdays again, so maybe he'll write about this next week.

The year is off to a pretty decent start so far--let's hope it continues! ;)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 136

It's been three weeks since my last Wednesday Weigh-In... holy cow. Time is passing so quickly!

Staying on track with my eating habits through the holidays has never really been an issue for me. Other than a couple of days where I might go to a holiday party or something, the season doesn't really change my daily routine. I do, however, tend to eat too much when I am stressed--and December was a pretty stressful month.

The stressors weren't all bad. Jerry's new work schedule is great! It's just been a very hard adjustment because our entire routine that we were so used to had to change drastically. Noah moving out was bittersweet; I'm happy for him, but sad that he's not at home anymore. And worried--always worried. Deep down, I know he'll be fine. As a mom, though, I'll always worry about my kids' wellbeing and I just hope that I taught them what they need in order to make it on their own.

Eli waking up during his oral surgery was a huge stressor for me. It may be hard for others to understand, but I just felt so horrible about the whole thing (I still do). Logically, I *know* that I didn't do anything wrong and what happened wasn't my fault; I just have that mom guilt about making him get his wisdom teeth extracted and having it go horribly wrong.

Anyway, the food I've been eating has actually been pretty healthy, for the most part. There were a few times that I ate junk like Oreos, but for the most part, my excess calories have come from things like peanut butter, nuts, dried cherries, and larger portions for dinner.

Even though I didn't post weigh-ins, I still weighed myself for my own accountability. As I expected, my weight went up and down based on my calorie intake (I'm not counting calories, but I know when I'm eating too much).

I don't feel regret, though. Sure, I wish I had more self-control when feeling stressed, but I have been trying to work on being kind to myself and just doing the best I can in each moment. I had plenty of opportunities to eat my weight in things like cookies, but I chose not to; that's meaningful to me.

So, how did it work out as far as my weight goes?

I was at 144.4 today. That's a gain of 3.8 pounds. While that may sound like a lot for a matter of a few weeks, I have gained much more than that before (not saying that's a good thing, but it is what it is). I started eating better after Christmas because I really didn't want to start the new year with a 10-pound gain! So, I am in a good place right now with my eating habits--I've even started eating meals at the table and stopped snacking at night.

I always like a fresh start, especially when we turn over a new year. I have some goals, which I'll write about this week, but a big one is to eat more vegetables. Over the last few days, I've been eating a much larger volume of food but my caloric intake is lower (I actually did log this food because I felt like I was eating too much). I've always preferred to eat a smaller volume of food, so it feels counterintuitive right now. But I know I'm eating very healthy, so I'm just going to trust that the weight will come back off!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 133

It's been a very emotional few days. I am trying to just let go of the incident with Eli's surgery, and I'm making sure not to harp on it out loud at home, but I'm just so angry at the dentist (and staff) for treating us so poorly. And now I am super worried about Noah getting his wisdom teeth pulled, which needs to happen soon.

Obviously, we won't be going to that dentist, which means I have to find a new one. And after what happened with Eli, I will likely research it to death and still feel like I can't make the right decision! Noah's an adult, and can make his own decision regarding this, but at 19 years old, I feel like one would tend to rely on their parents to help out.

I've also been emotional about Noah moving out. He's moving on Friday! I wish I had more time to prepare for this. Jerry and I have both been feeling the impact of having adult children (well, Eli will be 18 in a few weeks). Good grief, just typing that brought tears to my eyes.

When you're pregnant, everybody tells you that the years are going to fly by and you'll wish you'd focused more on the present each day while the kids are growing. And now I feel like that is the best advice to give new parents; and they'll nod and smile at me, like Jerry and I did to those who gave us that same advice, and then they'll give the same advice in 18 years to other new parents. I hate that we don't really realize how fast it goes until the kids are grown and their childhood feels like it went by in the blink of an eye.

Okay, enough about that! I'm going to keep this short because I'm helping Noah pack his things and holy cow--he's got a lot more than you would think.

There isn't much to report as far as my weight goes:

Last week, I was at 141.2, and today I was at 140.6. I would love to see it go down faster, but I know that I'm making good choices, so that's all I can do on my end.

I remember when I worked at Curves (a fitness center) the women there would talk about how hard it is to lose weight after 40 years old. I never really bought into that (of course, I was in my early 20's at the time) and I do wonder if it's true. And whether it's from lifestyle or just aging and hormones and perimenopause and all that fun stuff. Probably a combination.

However, I don't feel like I'm at that point. Earlier this year, I had no problem losing weight. I know that I haven't been nearly as active as I used to be, though. For several years, I was constantly working on big projects in the house. It wasn't intentional exercise, but I was lifting a lot of heavy things, going up and down the ladder a million times over, walking back and forth to the garage, etc. I've still been working on things, but on a much smaller scale and they aren't as active.

Now that Noah is moving out, I'll have the spare bedroom to work on. I know I want to put my craft stuff in there, but I'll probably paint and possibly replace the carpet. It's a pretty small room (I think 9'x9') so it's not going to be totally overwhelming. But it's kind of fun to think of the possibilities. It reminds me of when the boys were little and they shared a room with bunk beds. (here come tears again)

As far as my weight goes this week, I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing, for the most part. I haven't been eating sweets and I'm working on portion control. I still run every morning (even though it's only around the block). I could be doing more, but for the moment, with all I have going on, I am happy with what I'm doing.

Well, I better get back to packing before I make dinner. I'm not sure how much I'll be posting in the upcoming week or so, because with Noah moving, I'm going to be busy--and very emotional, haha. 

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 132

Once again, I just haven't been posting lately. Everything is good here (going really well, actually); I just haven't had much to write about. I was going to write a "catch up" post yesterday, but then I'll have nothing to post for Friday Night Photos, which I enjoy more. But honestly, I don't even know if I have much for that! Haha.

I've been working on a few small projects lately (a couple for other people) and I've been busy organizing different parts of the house. I absolutely love organizing, so I get kind of excited when there is a space that needs tidying. I've been working on sorting/condensing my sewing stuff lately; I hate that I always have it spread out over my dining table.

Anyway, as far as my weight goes, I wasn't thrilled with the scale. However, I also wasn't surprised.

I am pretty much the same as last week. I was at 141.0, today I was at 141.2. 

I say that I'm not surprised, but it's not because of eating junk and making poor choices about what I eat. I've actually be eating very healthy food over the last couple of weeks. My problem right now is portion control. However, I haven't been too worried about that because I had a bigger concern: sweets.

Over the last couple of weeks, my main focus has been getting sweets/sugar out of my system so that I stop having sugar cravings. I've done very well with it and the cravings are minimal now. I just need to remember that even a single bite of a cookie can start up the cravings again and it's SO HARD to get back to this point. Not at all worth it.

Instead of sweets in the evening, I've started making something else that is very satisfying and I look forward to it--however, it's not exactly low calorie. In a bowl, I slice a banana; drizzle on peanut butter and a tiny bit (maybe a teaspoon) of maple syrup--which doesn't affect me the same way as refined sugar; top with toasted walnuts and and my seed mix of (chia, flax, and hemp).

It's SO good and definitely healthy; I should just probably cut the whole thing in half so I'm not getting so many calories. And probably cut out the maple syrup now that my sweet tooth is under control.

I've also been focusing on fiber over the past couple of weeks, so I've been eating a lot of beans, lentils, and whole grains. We replaced our rice cooker when we saw a nice one on Black Friday. (Amazon links are affiliate links.) This is the one we bought; it was $85 on Black Friday, but it's $99 now. Our rice cooker (a cheap one) was probably about 10-15 years old and definitely ready to be replaced. Especially considering we use it so frequently.

We eat a LOT of rice--probably 4-6 times a week. Over the last year, I've discovered that there really IS a difference in brands of rice, which I never gave much thought. I regularly make brown basmati, brown jasmine, and short grain brown rice. I never used to like brown rice until I bought a particular brand of brown basmati, and I became hooked. And now, I actually prefer the taste and texture of brown rice over white rice. (This is the brown basmati that converted me to prefer brown rice. It only comes in a 10-pound bag, so it's definitely not ideal if you don't eat rice very often.)

After cooking the short grain brown rice in the new rice cooker, I was stunned at the texture; it was so soft and fluffy. When Noah is actually home, I want him to try it. He loves rice almost as much as I do but he doesn't like brown rice and he's very particular about his white rice. So, I'm curious to see what he thinks.

The new rice cooker has several options when cooking rice (brown/white, long/med/short grain, soft/med/firm texture) so I've been playing around with different rice and different settings. There are also settings for quinoa and barley, which I make fairly frequently as well.

This huge tangent was pretty much just to say that I've been eating a lot of fiber from whole grains. In groups of people, I don't talk much at all; but when I write, good grief--my thoughts stray and my writing is all over the place! ;)

Since I've been doing really well for the past couple of weeks as far as the foods I'm eating, this week I'd like to work on portion sizes to get my weight back down. I'm not comfortable being this size. I know I don't look bad (in clothes, anyway--ha!) but I just don't *feel* good at this weight. So, let's hope I have some progress this week! (And I'm definitely going to write a few posts.)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 131

Since breaking my blogging streak recently (blogging daily starting Jan 1, 2020), I've been writing less and less frequently. I always said that's what would happen if I broke my streak! When I can't think of what to write, I just choose not to instead of stressing about it. So, that led to irregular posting. It's not necessarily a bad thing; I just prefer having a routine.

Speaking of routines, Jerry got confirmation that he's moving to day shift AND--something we never expected--he'll be working a regular Monday-Friday shift! We've been together for 24 years, and for the last 21 years, he's never had a straight shift. It was either swing shift (alternating days and midnights) or just night shift; all are 12 hour shifts; and usually anywhere from 3-6 days a week (most of the time it's 4-5 days).

He's always worked half of the weekends in a year--and since people usually do fun stuff on the weekends, he had to miss out on things through the years. Having a straight shift like this, with weekends off, is going to be a HUGE adjustment (in a good way). I'm excited to have a more routine schedule as well; usually I try to plan dinner (my day, really) around Jerry's work schedule. Another bonus about his new schedule is that his shifts will be shorter, although I'm not sure about the details for that yet.

All of this may not sound like a big deal, but we're super excited about it! I'd like to try to get into a regular sleep schedule, and this will be helpful. Ideally, I'll get up super early (4:00-ish) and go to bed super early (10:00-ish). But I've never been able to keep a sleep routine, so I don't know if it'll happen.

Anyway, I had a really great week as far as my eating goes! This is the best week I've had in probably a couple of months, actually. I just realized my last official Wednesday Weigh-In was November 1st--yikes. I know I skipped one and then last week I posted my "favorite things".

November was NOT a good month for me--I ate too much, started eating sweets again, and ate a lot of high-calorie foods (peanut butter, mostly). Anyway, a month ago I was at 137.8. As of a couple of weeks ago, I *knew* I had gained a few more pounds--I could feel it and see it--but I was avoiding the scale.

Since I've eaten really well this week, today I decided to finally just rip off the bandaid and see the damage. Honestly? It wasn't as bad as I was imagining.

I was at 141.0, so it's up 3 pounds from last time--but that was a month ago. And I'm positive it was higher a week ago.

Jerry really wanted a pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, even though he said not to make one if it was going to tempt me to eat it. Well, the vegan pumpkin pie recipe I used actually isn't that bad for you--it doesn't even have refined sugar (it's sweetened with maple syrup). Even though I have been trying to avoid sweets, I went ahead and ate a piece. It was delicious! I had one more piece later that night.

That was on Thursday, and I haven't had any sweets since. I haven't gone this many days in a row without sweets in weeks. It takes about 4-5 days for the insane cravings to go away, so getting through those days is *super* hard. Since today is Day 6, I feel confident that I can get back to the point of not craving sweets at all. Now that I know just how hard it is to get back to that point, there is no dessert that is worth having crazy sugar cravings non-stop.

I've been listening to the audiobook 'Fiber Fueled', and it's got me psyched about eating more vegetables (for health, not weight loss). I've been focusing on fiber a lot this past week, too, so I think that has helped me to push through the cravings.

There is a good chance we'll be going to Hilton Head Island in South Carolina at the end of January (my parents go there every year, and this year Jeanie and Shawn are going as well). I'm not a "beach person" but since it'll be the off-season, I'll be able to wear my beloved uniform of jeans and hoodies. Other than driving up north to Jeanie and Shawn's, I haven't traveled since 2019(!) and I'm actually kind of nervous about it. We're going to rent a van and drive down there because the kids and their girlfriends will go with us. I think the road trip will be fun!

Anyway, the whole point of mentioning that is because it makes me feel like I'm working toward something right now--I want to look and feel my best when we go. That gives me 6-8 weeks to hopefully get my weight back in my "happy" range of 125-135. I can definitely do that!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 129

I'm alive! I had absolutely no intention of taking a blog break, especially one so long, but the time flew by. I'm not even sure where to start catching up, although there really isn't much to catch up on.

I almost decided to just wait until tomorrow to get back to writing, simply because I do not want to do a weigh-in today. I keep reminding myself that I don't "owe" a weigh-in on my blog, but I still feel guilty for not doing it. I haven't avoided the scale like this in a long time! (Avoiding the scale is usually a slippery slope for me.)

I feel exactly like I did last year when I gained weight so quickly. I'd been ridiculously overwhelmed emotionally, and when I felt like things may be looking back up, it was like I had this sense of relief and suddenly my appetite skyrocketed. I hadn't realized how low my appetite had been in the late summer/early fall until it snapped back so quickly.

After what Jerry calls "the worst year of our lives" (referring to the long series of mini-disasters/events that we've dealt with), things are starting to look up. I am very afraid of jinxing it, so I won't get into detail until everything goes as promised, but Jerry got some very good news at work about his work schedule--as we've mentioned, he's been trying to get a day shift for a while now--and what they've promised him is better than he'd even hoped. But I'm not considering it done until it happens, which is supposed to be in mid-December.

Paying off the car and house last month was a huge relief--debt, even a mortgage, always leaves that tiny nagging feeling somewhere inside of unfinished business. (At least it does for me.) Even though it came at the price of my car (literally), it's been worth it! When I have errands to run or places to go, I just plan them for when Jerry is either home sleeping or off work.

We've looked into getting another vehicle, but right now is the worst time ever to buy a car. The interest rates alone are FIVE TIMES higher than they were for when we bought my car in 2020! So, until interest rates go down, we're going to continue to make do with one car between Jerry and me.

Anyway, the point is that I've felt so much RELIEF recently. Aside from the fact that our furnace completely quit working a couple of days ago (*sigh*), we haven't had disasters since the flood. Jerry has been feeling this sense of relief, too, and it's been so nice for both of us.

Except... we've been eating terribly. Both of us. It's almost like we've been treating the last couple of weeks like a vacation, hahaha. You know that feeling of going on vacation and all of the usual food habits/rules don't apply? That's how we've been acting. (I'm still eating vegan, but vegan doesn't mean healthy--that's for sure.) And I know that my weight is going up, even without looking at the scale. I can see it in the mirror, I can feel it in my clothes, and I definitely feel it when I move my body.

Yesterday, Jerry and I talked about how our eating habits have gotten really slack and we both feel ready to get back on track. It's only fun for so long; and this "vacation" has to end before we both gain 50 pounds. The funny thing is, we aren't harping on it at all. Yes, I wish I'd been making better choices for sure--but I also don't feel self-hatred or anything for being rather reckless recently. Getting through the last year without gaining 50 pounds is an accomplishment in itself.

The hardest part right now is just recognizing that I'm not "too far gone" and the dietary damage can be minimized. It's amazing how quickly our taste buds can change, though. The healthy food I'd gotten so used to eating doesn't have the same appeal that it did a few weeks ago. I also started craving junk foods that I hadn't even thought of for at least a year or more.

Thankfully, just as taste buds can change for the worse, they can also change for the better. After a few weeks (or maybe less) of eating healthy again, I'll start to enjoy it just as much as before; and the cravings I've developed will go away.

Through all of it, though, I've managed to continue my daily running habit. It's been 75 days and I've run around the block (sometimes two blocks) every morning, before I do anything else. There are days (most days, probably) that I think for a moment (in a whiny voice), "I don't want to run today!" but then I remind myself that it's literally one block--I can pretty much see my house during the entire 0.4 miles--so my brief "I don't want to" thought is dismissed right away.

I think I got overzealous with adding more habits in October, however, so I'd like to go back to the basics. I can pick ONE new habit to work on each month, otherwise I get forgetful/overwhelmed trying to make too many changes at the same time.

I feel like the running habit is fully ingrained now, and while I've already been pretty good about this, I'd like to work on making stretching a major daily habit like the running is. I was trying to make it a habit to stretch before bed, but found that to be inconvenient during my evening routine; I am much more likely to do it if I do it in the afternoon. And it's not that I dislike it! I always feel good afterward. And I definitely think it's been making a difference in the flexibility/stiffness in my back.

I'd been working on doing three stretches for 30 seconds each, but I found myself always doing it longer. So now I'm going plan to do four stretches for a daily habit; I'll likely do more than I plan, but like running, I'm keeping the goal very low in order to make it a daily habit.

Also, in order to work on making it a habit, I'm going to plan to do it at 1:45 every afternoon. I don't have an afternoon routine in order to stack habits like I do in the mornings and evenings, but usually, 1:30-2:00 is a regularly convenient time during the day. I'll see how that works and reassess if doing it at a particular time isn't working out.

Okay, this post was kind of all over the place, but that's what I get for taking a week off of blogging. In a nutshell: I've not been doing well lately with my diet but, mentally, I feel better than I have in a long time. Still, I want to get back to eating/behaving how I feel best. This week I am going to face the scale and work from there.

I did meal planning today, and considering that our furnace is broken right now, I've included a lot of soup. That's usually an easy thing to throw in the crockpot, so I think that will help with healthy dinners this week. I'm going to focus on getting in a lot of fiber; something I've been lacking recently. Adding beans to soup is the easiest way to get in a ton of fiber!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 127

I skipped last week's weigh in, and I so badly wanted to skip today's weigh-in as well. I promised myself that I wouldn't skip two in a row (that becomes a slippery slope for me) so I faced the scale. I haven't been doing well for a couple of months now, and I just can't seem to find the discipline to get back to doing the habits that made me feel my best.

I'll rip off the bandaid and get right to it. I was at 137.8 today, which is a 2.8 pound gain from a couple of weeks ago. That also puts me over my targeted maintenance range of 125-135.

I want to say that I'm shocked, but I'm not. I am still struggling with the cycle of bad habits that are hard to break. I manage to go a day without sweets, but then ultimately cave. I meant to track my food this week and forgot about it, but I'm sure I've been overeating in other areas. If I can just kick the sweets, I think I'll be able to get back to where I feel my best.

A friend of mine mentioned to me yesterday that she noticed that she goes through this same cycle over and over again: She gets into goal-setting mode, reading books and creating a plan, only to stick with it for a few days. Then she quits and her thought process goes to wanting to love her body where it's at and not obsessing over food or weight. So she does that for a while, before going to back to wanting to lose the weight again.

I can completely relate to that--I went though that same cycle for decades! It wasn't until the last couple of years that I stopped and I finally know what I want. I want to love myself, but I also want to love a body that I feel comfortable in. I never felt comfortable in an overweight body. Not because of how I looked, but because it physically is harder to move around, clothes don't feel right, and I just generally don't feel healthy.

I also learned how to get there. The main goal is to FEEL GOOD. Both mentally and physically. And over the last couple of years, I've realized what makes me feel good. I feel my best when I'm at around 130 pounds; when I'm not drinking; when I take my iron supplement; when I eat a healthy vegan diet and no sweets; when I don't overeat; and when I have a routine schedule.

Those things are obviously personal to ME. Everybody has their own way of life that makes them feel their best. My friend asked me how I discovered those things, and it honestly just took me time, trial, and error. It wasn't until I had quit drinking for about nine months or so that I realized how much better being sober made me feel. It took about a month for a vegan diet to make a difference in my chronic pain (and probably three months for the pain to go away completely). It took a full three months of no sweets/desserts before I noticed a difference in how it made me feel (I was SO much more energetic and less tired).

The point is, it took time. And I kind of found those things out accidentally. I quit eating sweets because they made me crave more sweets and I hated fighting cravings and obsessing over sweets all the time. Then after a few months, I finally noticed the effects of giving them up. And when I (stupidly) ate a few pieces of caramel corn one day, the cravings hit so hard and I felt crappy again. That's how I learned the effects of sugar on my body. (To be clear, I'm talking about the refined sugar in desserts/candy/etc. I eat a lot of fruit and naturally sweet things and they have no effect on cravings for me.)

Right now, I'm stuck in that rut of craving sweets all the time. It's unbelievable how strong the cravings can get and it feels impossible to say no.

Yesterday, I created a menu for the week and I went grocery shopping to get everything I needed. Now, I have no reason to go to the store (which is what makes it easy to buy sweets). I also told Jerry that I don't want him buying anything for me on his way home. I just need a good streak of about four days before this will get easier.

I have kind of a lot going on this week, so I'm hoping that it will help me to keep my mind off of the sweets. I'm really really *really* hoping that next week's post will be a positive one! ;)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 126

Thank you for your confidence in my sewing skills regarding yesterday's post! I was SO sure the belt was going to be a nightmare to make, but I was kind of surprised at how relatively easily it came together. I didn't think I was going to be able to sew the fake leather with my sewing machine and there was no way I wanted to do that by hand. I tried a very large needle on the machine and it worked great!

I'll post photos of it tomorrow; I'm going to (try to) stain it darker. For what I had to work with, and in this time crunch, I'm pretty happy with it.

Anyway, I sound more and more like a broken record each week when I do my Wednesday Weigh-In... "I wanted a good week, I'm trying, it's hard, blah blah blah". And today is no different. I have been struggling so hard with sugar cravings, and it started so long ago (literally right after I wrote a post about how eating sugar triggers my cravings). Once sugar is out of my system, I feel great and it's easy to not eat it. It's getting to that point--which takes about four days--that is killer.

This week was particularly rough and I caved in and ate more Oreos than I care to admit. (It was that Reddit post I shared recently that got me thinking of Oreos!) I *know* I shouldn't do that. I *know* it just makes cravings a million times worse. It's nothing new to me... but I just haven't been able to say no!

I've avoided the scale and I actually chose not to weigh in today. I know that avoiding the number isn't going to change anything--it is what it is--but I just didn't want to do it. My jeans feel very tight, so I know that I've gained weight. At this size, even a few pounds is very noticeable in my clothes.

The part that bothers me the most, though, is how I feel. Even if the scale hasn't moved, I just don't *feel* good with the way I've been eating. 

What am I going to do about it? Just keep trying. I will not buy more Oreos; my main focus is going to be getting the sugar out of my system. I just want to stop craving it, and the only way to do that is to go without for a little while. And hopefully, I will have learned my lesson for good this time. (How many times have I said that?) I had no idea just how hard the cycle would be to stop.

My mood has been good, thankfully! The eating isn't for emotional reasons and I'm not binge eating; I've just been craving sweets in a horrible way. I know what the problem is and I know how to fix it... I just need the discipline to DO IT. I know it's there inside me somewhere, so now I just have to find it.

Over the last few weeks, I also stopped a few of the habits I was working on (I'm still doing most of them, though) and I want to get back to tracking those like I was before. I've still been running every morning and I think that's been helping with keeping my mood stable. I've gotten into a great morning routine.

Now, I'd like to work the other habits into the routine with a little more planning via "habit stacking". Habit stacking (which I learned about in the Atomic Habits book) is where you do the new habit either right before or right after another established habit). I found that the habits I've maintained are the ones that I've stacked.

Having a routine is super helpful with my eating habits as well, so hopefully it'll help me get though the tough parts when I'm craving Oreos (or other sweets). 

Anyway, I promised myself long ago that I wouldn't skip two weekly weigh-ins in a row, so I'm going to weigh in next week no matter what. Maybe keeping that in mind will be what I need this week ;)

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