Some FAQ's About How I'm Losing Weight

This post feels premature to me because I've only been back to calorie counting for 10 weeks and I'm still 30 pounds above my target weight. (I don't really want to say "goal weight" because I'm not sure what that is, exactly. I know I feel best at 130-135, but if I am only able to get to 145, I'm cool with that. I start feeling uncomfortable in my own skin when I'm above 145, so I am loosely aiming for something under that.)

Anyway, the last time I was under 145 was actually in early 2018--so it's been quite a long time! I am just hoping that I don't write this post and then stop seeing progress in taking the weight off.

I was about 130-135 pounds here, which is where I feel best.
Clearly, though, I was stronger back then. That tree was heavy AF ;)

I've gotten a lot of questions about how I've been losing weight and the details of how I count calories, so I wanted to write an updated post to 'How I Calorie Counted My Way Back to My Goal Weight').

Before I get into it, I REALLY want to stress that what works for me may not work for others. Everybody is different, and bodies respond differently. What works for others may not work for me, and what works for me may not work for them. I think it's super important to experiment and find out what works for you (especially if there are dietary restrictions for medical reasons to consider).

This post is actually going to be quite boring, because my biggest "secret" is that I keep it SUPER SIMPLE. Over the decades of dealing with my weight, I've learned that the simpler I keep it, the more likely I am to stick to it. So here are some frequently asked questions (and my answers):

Q. Do you track just calories, or do you track macros too?

A. In the spirit of keeping it simple, I only track calories. I would feel way too overwhelmed trying to track anything else in addition. And each time I've counted calories, I've been successful at taking off extra weight. I've tried all sorts of diets but nothing ever worked for me except for eating less food in the form of counting calories.

Q. Do you limit carbs?

A. Like I said with the previous question, I don't count anything but calories. So no, I don't limit carbs. I just eat whatever sounds good to me and I weigh or measure my food to log the calories.

Q. How many calories do you aim for each day?

A. I don't have an exact number. I roughly shoot for 1600, but I don't feel like it's mandatory to hit that number. If I'm feeling less hungry that day, I eat less; if I'm ravenous, I eat more. But when I average out the numbers, it's about 1600 per day.

Q. Do you add calories for exercise?

A. No, I don't--since I don't have a target calorie count, it doesn't really make sense to add in calories. If I'm hungrier on the days I run, then I just eat a little more. I usually find that I'm less hungry on running days, though!

Q. What exercise do you do?

A. I started the Couch to 5K plan the same day that I started counting calories. It's only three days a week and I followed the plan exactly as written--it starts out at about 20 minutes per workout and at the end, it took me about 36 minutes per workout. After completing the plan, I'm now running 3 miles, 3 days a week.

Q. What kinds of foods do you eat?

A. I eat anything that sounds good to me--I try to eat what I want most because that is what will most satisfy my appetite. I eat a lot of grapes (because I LOVE grapes!) and this week I've eat so many peaches that I feel like I'm going to turn into one. I usually eat a really light breakfast and/or lunch because I like to save most of my calories for my main meal (dinner).

For dinner, I usually just cook something that I've already posted the recipe for (you can find the recipes page here). Something that I make a point to avoid is changing the ingredients in recipes to be lower in calories. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but I like to use whole milk, real butter, full-fat cheese, real pasta versus subbing in cauliflower or something, and I don't cut back on those ingredients.

The reason for this is that I prefer to choose quality over quantity. I'd rather eat a smaller portion of rich, cheesy lasagna than a huge portion of zucchini "noodles" with plain tomato sauce and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. (This is just my personal preference; if I liked zucchini more than pasta, I would choose the zucchini!)

I've also noticed that I lose weight much more easily when I eat a smaller volume of food. Even if I eat the same number of calories, my body prefers smaller portions of higher calorie food than large portions of low-calorie food. I don't feel hungry when eating smaller portions as long as I get enough calories.

Here is a variety of what I've eaten over the past couple of months:

Also, I love dessert--I usually have something sweet every day. This is something I did throughout my entire 125-pound weight loss.

Q. What do you do when you don't know how many calories are in something?

A. Another lesson I've learned over the years is not to take calorie counting to the extreme. If I don't know the calories in something but I want to eat it, then I just search on my app to find something similar and I count the calories that way. For example, my mom made a "hummingbird pie" and brought some over. It looks like an apple pie with a streusel topping, but it's made with peaches (she got a box of peaches from The Peach Truck, too!). I didn't have her recipe and I didn't worry about that--I just ended up counting it as an apple pie with streusel topping.

When Luke stayed the night last weekend, we made homemade lemonade. We also had a movie night and made popcorn (and Luke asked if we could add a handful of Skittles to it, and as his fun aunt, of course I said yes). It was all about spending time doing something fun with my nephew, and I didn't want to worry about measuring out exact portions so that I could count it correctly. I just guesstimated it later by looking up similar things on my app.

We watched the movie Cars (which is why I used this filter) and sent this
"Jerry face" selfie to Jerry (he was in Wisconsin at the time).

So basically, I don't take it super seriously. If I'm going to have to count calories forever to lose/maintain my weight, then I want it to be something that I can fit into my lifestyle.

Q. What app do you use to count calories?

A. Currently, I use Cronometer, at the suggestion of a reader. It's very detailed and numbers-oriented, and as a "numbers person", I love that (even though I only actually count calories). I pay for a subscription for it, though.

The first app I always recommend to people is actually Fat Secret. I used that for a long time before I switched to Cronometer and it's the best free app I've tried (and I've tried a lot of them!). It's very user-friendly, there aren't ads, the database isn't overwhelming with hundreds of entries for the same item, and it's easy to create and save recipes (for easy tracking later). I highly recommend it.

Okay, I think that about covers the questions I've been getting lately... if I didn't answer something and you're curious, feel free to ask! Remember, these are things that work best for ME and MY preferences; it's important to figure out what works best for you. This post explains that in more detail--how to make changes that work for YOU.

Now, I just hope that I continue to see progress! I feel very confident that I have the determination to see this through--and beyond. I've learned just how easy it is to put weight back on, and I definitely don't want to have to lose the weight yet again ;)

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The How and What I Eat While Intermittent Fasting

I've gotten several questions lately about how and what I eat while doing intermittent fasting, so I thought I'd post some more details here. I always hate writing about my particular food intake because there are always people who "scold" me for eating carbs/sugar/not enough vegetables/etc. 

I am a firm believer that everybody should eat what makes THEM feel best; what works for them both mentally and physically. We are all trying to find out that perfect balance, but that's just it--none of us is perfect. I would never tell someone how I think they should eat!

That said, I am very happy with the way I eat (and with what I eat) so I am not looking for advice or criticism about what I eat. I never delete comments--even the ones that are mean just to be mean for no reason--but for this post, I won't publish comments that are rude and critical of my diet. They just aren't helpful.

You can totally disagree with what and/or how I eat, and that's fine. But the purpose of this post is just reply to those that are curious about how I've been working the intermittent fasting into my life. 

So, that said... here are some details about how I've been doing intermittent fasting for the last six weeks.

First, I have to say that I LOVE this way of eating. This is definitely a lifestyle, something that I could see myself doing forever. Jerry feels the same way, so it's great that we're on the same page.

There are lots of different methods of intermittent fasting, and I won't get into them all here. I choose to do a 20:4 ratio of fasting to eating. That means I fast for 20 hours and then eat my day's worth of calories within a 4 hour window. 

Lots of people do their fasting periods differently, some allowing certain beverages or bone broth, but I do a "clean fast"--meaning I only drink plain, unflavored water. (To understand more about this and the purpose behind it, I suggest reading 'Delay, Don't Deny' by Gin Stephens. -Amazon affiliate link) I also allow plain black coffee or black tea, but I very rarely drink those. I stick with water.

If you're considering intermittent fasting, I'd recommend reading the above book to learn about the different types of fasting. What works for me may not work for you. And what works for you may not work for me.

I usually choose 4 pm to 8 pm as my "eating window". If I'm very hungry at, say, 2:00, then I might have decaf coffee with heavy cream and sugar to fill me up and then I'll cook dinner a little later at 5:00 or so. And then I'll close my window at 6:00. Otherwise, I plan to cook dinner to eat at 4:00. 

I make large, filling dinners to ensure that I'm getting enough calories for the day. I make a lot of the same dishes that I always have--I just look for ways to add calories. I cook with more fat, I add some side dishes I normally wouldn't (roasted cauliflower with garlic, olive oil, and parmesan cheese, for example), and I eat bigger portions.

A common misconception of intermittent fasting is that the weight loss comes from eating less calories--if you're only eating one meal a day, for example, people think that of course you're eating less calories and you're going to lose weight. That's not necessarily true. I highly recommend Dr. Jason Fung's book, 'The Obesity Code' and another called 'The Complete Guide to Fasting', (Amazon affiliate links) which explains this very well.

My weight hasn't dropped a ton--in fact, I didn't lose anything for the first two weeks! But my body composition changed and I lost inches. I was able to wear clothes I couldn't before, but my weight was only down a couple of pounds.

So anyway, I want to make it clear that I am eating a "normal" amount of calories. I haven't calculated, but because I know calories like the back of my hand, I would guess that I eat anywhere from 1400 to 1800 calories a day.

On most days, I break my fast with my dinner. I'll eat a filling meal and usually I am too full to want anything else. (I'm not stuffed, because I hate that feeling of being super full, but I definitely feel like I've had enough.)

After dinner, I will usually have decaf coffee with cream and sugar--and I sip this for probably about an hour. Sometimes I'll make dessert for the family (I made a peach crisp with ice cream last week) so I'll skip the coffee and eat the dessert a couple of hours after dinner. 

Most of the time, I don't eat all throughout the entire four-hour window. I usually have the one meal and then a dessert or snack if I feel I want it before my window closes.

As far as what I eat... I literally eat anything that I want to! I have found that while intermittent fasting, my tastes change. When I haven't eaten all day, I look forward to a filling meal. I don't crave sweets (at least not until after I've eaten "real food". Interestingly, I crave healthier foods. Once I've satisfied that craving, then I may or may not be interested in dessert. If you know me at all, I used to live for sweets! And I still love them... but I have to be in the mood for them.

All of that said, I went grocery shopping today so I made a list of dinners to have in the upcoming week. These are nothing special... just things that are in my go-to homemade recipe book. Most of the recipes are on my blog, so I'll link to them. (Depending on how filling it is or if I am getting in enough calories, I may make a side dish to go along with them.) I cook a lot of skillet meals or one-pot meals, so I mix a lot of stuff together rather than serve the typical meat/potato/vegetable type of thing.

Ground Turkey and Cabbage in Spicy Peanut Sauce

Hawaiian Fried Rice

Keema with Rice

Beef Stroganoff
(I'll have to post this recipe in the future--I made it today and it was delicious!)

Also, there were a lot of mushrooms in this, but hardly any of them made it from the stove to the bowls. I love mushrooms! The rest of the family doesn't like them, so I just picked them out and ate them while I was cooking ;) 

Moroccan Meatballs Over Orzo 
(This is shown with rice, but that was likely because I didn't have any orzo on hand)

Shipwreck Skillet Dinner
(I haven't made this before, but I found it in a cookbook today; I'll post the recipe if it's any good)

Sausage, Peppers, and Corn Hash with an Egg on Top
(I think I forgot to add the corn on the day I took this photo! But the corn is one of the best parts.)

And that's it--a week's worth of dinners. These are all foods that I made before--before I lost weight, while I lost weight, after losing weight. 

If any of you do intermittent fasting, I'm curious about your method and how you like it! Please feel free to share :) Likewise, if you have questions, I'd be happy to do a Q&A post later. Although I'm not sure how much more I can really say!

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A Q & A Interview with Jerry

I've gotten several requests over the years for Jerry to write another guest post, but when I mention it to him, he said he has no idea what to write about. Since I've been having trouble coming up with things to write about lately (per groundhog day quarantine), I thought I'd do a Q&A with him.

I asked on Facebook and Instagram for questions that you might have for Jerry.

Now, I have to say, that I am DYING to take control of this post and write little asterisks about pretty much everything that he says so I can explain (more about his answers)... but I'm going to restrain myself and let him take the reins. I cannot be blamed for anything he says! ;)

Here goes... (and remember, a lot of what he says is tongue-in-cheek! He's not a very "serious" person. He was even voted "class clown" in high school, if that helps. Which is actually one of the things that made me most attracted to him!)

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Q: What is the status of your stomach/spontaneous vomiting issues?
A: I don't know how or why it stopped, but it hasn't happened for the last month or so. I have indigestion and heartburn, but the vomiting just stopped randomly.

Q: What kind of work do you do?
A: I work for a major glass manufacturer in the department that makes the glass. It's a very hot, busy, and complicated environment.

Q: What advice do you have for husbands wanting to support their wives during their weight loss/wanting to become a runner journey?
A: Just get on board with it--be as supportive as possible. Don't feel neglected and if possible, join them on the journey.

Q: What is your favorite memory?
A: Going to the Star Wars celebration in Chicago last April--seeing all the nerds, displays, collections, actors, and characters from the entire Star Wars universe.

Q: What is your favorite meal that Katie makes?
A: Pork Chops & Rice

Q: How has Katie's bipolar affected your relationship? Can you feel when an episode is coming on? Do you feel like the boys are aware of it?
A: I don't even know how to explain that *laughs*. It's a constant worry and a constant adjustment. It's hard not to take things personally. And I have to choose my battles when it comes to what to argue about or when to speak up about things. Mostly, I just go with the flow. I cannot feel when an episode is coming on, because I don't feel like they are "episodes". It just happens like hitting a switch. I don't think that the kids notice because it's always been like this, but the more education you have on it, the more aware you are. Everything happens so rapidly. The kids just know what they have always known.

Q: Pirates or Ninjas??
A: Pirates. Because of the booty. And because they're on boats. And they have hooks. And some of them have swords.

Q: How are you doing with your depression? Is it under control?
A: It's still there... It's under control, but it's still THERE. Knowing that it's still there is worrysome. I know it's there and I feel it's there, but I keep myself busy to try to keep my mind off it.

Q: How do you feel living with someone that I consider "famous" (from the documentary "From Fat to Finish Line", magazine features, and popular blogger)?
A: It's just Katie. I know that people know Katie, but it's not like we have paparazzi sitting on our lawn. The closest thing to "celebrity" we have is when we go to Kroger and she doesn't smile at everyone when we walked by and later she gets a comment on her blog about how much of a "smug c*nt" she is because she walked through Kroger and "gave me a dirty look".

Q: What is your best advice for someone who supports someone going through a mental health crisis? Do you feel like you've made mistakes, or is there anything you would have done differently?
A: Throw strikes. (*inside joke*). My best advice is to read up on it and understand it. Don't take things personally, and it's not about you. You're going to make mistakes because everybody does--I make mistakes 30 times a day. Via text message. Learn to listen; learn to validate feelings; and learn how to meme, because memes cure everything.

Q: Do you have any running or fitness routines?
A: No. But not for lack of wanting (or needing). I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and I looked like a bowl of potato salad (round on the bottom and lumpy on top).

Q: How do you support Katie when she is depressed?
A: I pay extra attention to massaging her feet and I make sure she always has ice to chew. I try to do little things around the house (dishes, etc) to try to help out.

Q: What are your top five bands from your high school years?
A: Ooooooohhhh...
-Rage Against the Machine
-Korn
-The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
-Incubus
-Alice in Chains

Q: What is your favorite brewery and why?
A: Griffin Claw Brewing from Birmingham, Michigan. I've never had a bad beer by them--everything has been excellent. If you've ever have the chance to try Norm's Raggedy Ass IPA, that's my go-to.

Q: What do you like to do on your days off of work?
A: I like to lounge around the house, catch up on TV shows, and catch up on gaming if I have the chance.

Q: What are your thoughts on The Rise of Skywalker? (Specifically Ben Solo/Kylo Ren)?
A: Oh, man. Katie, you can't type this, I have to type this one...
"I loved TROS and I feel like I'm in the minority. The movie was excellent from start to finish. I can nit-pick through the whole thing like some self-righteous fanboy. I loved the turn of Kylo to Ben, saw it coming from day one but I didn't see it like that. I wish he would've lived through the whole thing but I get it. I am, admittedly, a bigger fan of the Expanded Universe. I love the movies for what they are but I prefer the written stories."

Q: Are you excited for The Mandalorian  season two?
A: YES! I need some live action Ahsoka! The first season was excellent!

Q: Which of Katie's home projects is your favorite and why?
A: I LOVE the island. I love the fact that she built the entire cabinet from scratch and extended the island three-fold and there are so many memories behind it.

Q: Would you do a marathon or a Ragnar with Katie in the future?
A: No, because she'll never do another one ever again! Ever.

Q: Where is your vacation dream spot and why?
A: I would go to Germany, just for historical reasons like WWII, concentration camps... (and, of course, Oktoberfest).

Q: What are your favorite hobbies?
A: I like reading Star Wars novels, video games, softball, disc golf, and listening to music. And watching wrestling.

Q: If you could live anywhere in the world for six months, where would it be and why?
A: Portland, Oregon... to see what the big deal is. It would be a good place to try out because of the weather.

Q: Do you like cats (and dogs and squirrels) as much as Katie? Which cat is your favorite?
A: Yes. But she doesn't love doesn't love dogs. Just Joey. I am predominately a cat person, and even though no cat will replace Chandler, these kittens are pretty damn entertaining. If I had to pick a favorite it would have to be Duck.

Q: With all the crafts and home projects that Katie jumps into, what are some of your favorite hobbies/outlets? Also, is your family close by in Michigan?
A: I like playing softball with friends from work and I disc golf with friends from school. My entire family is in Michigan--most live in Petoskey, which is just south of the Mackinac Bridge (to the upper peninsula).

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There you have it! I bit my tongue and just typed out Jerry's answers however he wanted, even though it was hard not to write anything myself! ;)

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The "Golden Rule" That Helped Me Lose 125 Pounds

When losing weight, everybody asks how you're doing it. It's inevitable. And everybody wants to hear the special secret to it. Eating nothing but lettuce? Eating pounds of bacon and zero carbs? Eating only red fruits, green veggies, and white meat? Consuming nothing but coffee and smoking cigarettes? Dancing around a fire in the woods at midnight every day of the week?

I could always see that the spark of interest in their eyes while they asked the question was immediately extinguished when I said that I was just eating less food. (And eventually, exercising--I started exercising after I'd lost 60 pounds.)

I used to be just like them. I read every single success story, every single weight loss book and magazine, watched weight loss shows like The Biggest Loser... constantly looking for the special secret that I could do.

I tried all the diets, and I never stuck with them long enough to see results.

On August 19, 2009, I had an epiphany. It was the first day of yet another attempt to lose weight. I made an important decision after that first day of my (eventual) 125-pound weight loss. It's kind of funny how it came about...

There are very few foods that I dislike. I am willing to try eating anything at all, several times over. One food that I've tried umpteenth times is yogurt--I hate yogurt! I've tried all the flavors, all the types, and there is just something about it that I cannot stand.

I also don't love salad. I don't "hate" it like I do yogurt--sometimes I'll go through phases where I really like it and eat it for a few weeks--but I am definitely not a salad person. You will never see me go to a restaurant and order a salad.

Well, never say never...

(I must have been in a phase! But if I DO order a salad, it'll always be a caesar)

So, you know what I did my very first day of losing weight on August 19, 2009?

I ate both of those foods! I gagged down yogurt, because hey, it's "healthy" and that's what you're "supposed to eat". For lunch or dinner, I can't remember which, I ate salad. I'm sure that I wasn't in a salad mood and I probably gagged that down as well. WHY?

That night, when I was thinking about how much I hated trying to lose weight, and how badly I wanted to quit, it occurred to me that I hated it so much because I ate foods I didn't enjoy and I didn't eat the foods that I do enjoy. It seems completely backwards. Of course losing weight was miserable!

I decided that day that I wasn't going to do it anymore. I wasn't going to eat foods I hated just to lose weight. If I lost the weight by eating yogurt and salad, I would likely have to do that forever to maintain the weight loss. And that sounded miserable to me.

Another instance from that summer was when my friend asked me if I wanted to audition for The Biggest Loser with her. Even though I was fatter than I'd ever been, I said no. I was desperate to lose weight, but I was NOT willing to exercise for eight hours a day and eat next to nothing in order to drop 5+ pounds a week.

I told her that if you lose the weight that way, the only way to maintain it is to continue to do that. Your body will get so used to it that you'll have to continue. And of course I would burn out. I knew for sure that even if I auditioned, and was chosen, and hell, even if I WON the show, I would never be able to maintain that lifestyle. And I didn't want to live in misery for months on end while losing the weight.

Between those two instances, it finally hit me that I had been doing it all wrong for all of those years. Every time I attempted to lose the weight, I made changes that I hated. I tried doing tough workout videos, I tried eating yogurt and salad, I tried cutting out carbs, I even did a 10-day "master cleanse" where I consumed nothing but water with lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. I could lose the weight in any of those ways if I stuck to them (I lost 16 pounds from the master cleanse, but a month later, I was right back to where I was before), but I certainly couldn't do those things forever.

I guess technically, I *could* do them forever... so that is why I chose to word my newfound "golden rule" the way I did:

Don't make changes you're not willing to do for the rest of your life.

This is something I've talked about and written about from the beginning of my weight loss, and it's probably been the biggest key to my weight loss and (semi) maintenance. Whenever people ask for my weight loss advice, the first thing I say is "Don't make any changes you're not willing to do for the rest of your life."

That sentence says so much and so little at the same time. I don't think I've ever written a post that really explains how and why that became my golden rule and how it helped me to stay determined to lose the weight, so that's why I chose to write about this.

I could certainly use a reminder myself right now! ;)

From that day forward, it was my golden rule. It's tempting sometimes to try all the new fad diets that everybody seems to be doing, but I just don't want to live like that. I want to enjoy my life!

(This is a reason I never wanted to get weight loss surgery, either. Eating tiny portions of food and getting sick every time I ate something I wasn't supposed to--for the rest of my life--was just not something I was willing to do.)

My golden rule made the process of losing weight more enjoyable. I don't want to say it was "easy" (nothing about losing weight is easy), but it made the process easier, enough to make me stick to it for the long term.

I was willing to eat smaller portions. I was willing to eat healthier things during the day if I could still have something for a "treat" at night--dessert or wine or something like that. I was willing to eat out less and cook more.

I was NOT willing to give up carbs. I was not willing to give up any foods that I enjoyed. I was not willing to force myself to exercise (at the time; I later wanted to do it). I was not willing to eat differently than my family (i.e. "special" foods for me while they ate "regular" foods).

And what a shocker--it actually worked!

I didn't have to do or eat anything I didn't want to, and I didn't have to give up things that I love. I only made changes that I was willing to do for the rest of my life, if need be.

It's such a hard thing to do when there is advice everywhere online--what to eat and what not to eat, what's the "best" diet for weight loss, what's the "healthiest" way to eat, etc. I try not to let that get in my head. The only thing I've ever been able to stick with long term (10 years now) is doing what is feels best for ME.

And I like ice cream. A LOT.

The things that I'm willing or not willing to do may change here and there, but that doesn't matter. As long as I stay true to my golden rule, I can enjoy my lifestyle.

It's so hard to believe it's been over 10 years since I had that epiphany. But I know that if I hadn't, I would have failed at that attempt at losing weight just as surely as I had all the other times. I found a better way. And it worked.

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How and Why I Became a Stay-at-Home Mom

Here is Day 2 of my 30 days of blogging challenge for June. My goal is to write every single day by choosing a topic from a list.

Recently, I received an email from someone who was very curious about being a stay-at-home mom. I thought this was a great topic, because usually, the comments I get about it are condescending, rude and judgmental ("Why don't you get a real job?") It seems to be a hot topic among parents.

(That said, please be respectful if you should choose to comment; not just for my sake, but for all other stay-at-home moms and working moms who may be reading. Personally, I don't judge people either way--I think we should all do what we feel is best for our families.)

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Here is what was written in the email:

"The one thing that I don't have much experience with is being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). No one in my family is a SAHM, and few of my friends. Those friends that are, they either have wealthy spouses or are religious, or both. Neither seems true for you. Because I don't know much about this world, I'd love to learn more about it. In particular:

- How did you make the decision? Do you think you will go to traditional work at some point when your kids are older?

- What does it mean for your relationship with your husband? Does it create weird power dynamics? If not, how do you prevent that? Do you ever feel guilty that your husband works and you don't (work in the traditional sense - please forgive me if I'm phrasing this in any way that seems judgy - I swear I'm just curious)?

- If it's not too personal, what does it mean financially? Do you have back up plans if anything were to happen to your husband?"

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First, thank you so much for asking about this in a non-objective way! I'd be happy to answer your questions.

How I Made the Decision to Quit Working

I never intended on being a stay-at-home mom. In fact, I wasn't even sure if I wanted kids! However, when I became pregnant with Noah, Jerry and I had to figure out a solution. I enjoyed my job, but I hated that I never got to see Jerry. When he would come home from work, I would leave for work; and vice versa.

Depending on his schedule, we would go days without seeing each other for more than a few minutes. He works a swing shift, which make scheduling anything very complicated. We decided to see if it was possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom. To do this, we started banking all of MY paychecks and didn't touch them--we basically pretended that I had zero income. We wanted to see if we could live solely on Jerry's income before making the decision for me to quit my job.

We did this for nearly a year, and we realized that by cutting back on spending here and there, it was definitely something we could do. After talking about it, we both really loved the idea.

After Noah was born, I was still working just a couple of days a week. However, I was demoted from my assistant manager position because my hours weren't as flexible, so I decided it was time to quit. It just wasn't worth it to me.

My mom was working for an OB/GYN as an office manager, and she said they needed someone to scan charts into a new online system. (This was when offices started having paperless charts). The best part was, I could do it from home! It was very tedious, mind-numbing work, but I was able to be at home with Noah and still squeeze in the work.

I did that through my pregnancy with Eli, and for a little while afterward. Once all the charts were scanned in, there wasn't any more work for me to do. By this point, I couldn't imagine going back to work in a traditional sense. I loved being able to be at home with my family. And I was able to see Jerry when he was off work, which was great.

After another talk, we decided that I should make being a stay-at-home mom my full-time gig. By this time, Noah was ready for 3-year old preschool, meaning he needed me to drive him to and from school daily. I joined a MOMS Club, so that I could meet other moms and participate in activities with them and other kids. (It was in MOMS Club that I actually met my good friends Renee, Jessica, and Andrea!)

During preschool, I had to drive them to and from school each day--and since preschool is only a few hours long, I had to be available for that. I liked that I was free to volunteer to chaperone field trips and participate in their school events.

(I mean, honestly, who wouldn't want to chaperone at Maggie Moo's and get free ice cream?)

Noah wanted to bring dirt cake for his preschool class on his birthday, so we made over TWENTY of these--dirt cake in a little glass pot, complete with a fake flower. (As the years went on, we kept it much more simple, haha)

Once they started going to first grade (a full school day), I again questioned whether I should go back to work. But honestly, I had no desire to. I loved taking care of the house, being free to run errands, being available if the kids got sick at school or just had to stay home, being home with them all summer, and being home to spend time with Jerry despite his erratic schedule.

Jerry was completely on board with my staying home. If he hesitated even a little, I probably wouldn't have done it. To answer your question about guilt, YES--I do feel guilty for staying at home, even though he assures me that he is thrilled I'm able to be home with the kids.

The main reason I feel guilty is because he gets up super early for work (or, when he's working nights, he's staying up all night long and then sleeping during the day). Or, sometimes he misses out on things because of work, and I feel bad about going without him. However, he would have to miss out regardless of whether I'm working or not, so I'm not taking anything away from him.

Jerry works very hard for our family, but he doesn't have to "work extra" to meet our needs. He's working the same amount of hours that he was before I quit my job, so my quitting didn't cause him to have to pick up the slack.

Also, I do earn an income from my blog. It's not huge, but I'm making more than I was at my previous job, so in the end, we've come out ahead. (I am paid for having ads on my blog--the number of page views I get per month determines how much money I make. Let me take this opportunity to THANK YOU ALL for visiting my blog. Every page view helps.)

And while it may seem like I don't do much "work" to have this blog, there is a lot of work going on behind the scenes as well. I spend more time responding to email than I do writing posts! And I don't get paid for it--but I am grateful that I am able to earn an income from my blog, so I feel like I am giving something back by replying to readers' emails, writing free training plans, being interviewed (something I get SO nervous for!), etc.

What It Means for My Relationship With My Husband

Being a stay-at-home mom is great for my relationship! Like I said before, we were both unhappy that we never got to see each other when each of us was working. We really are best friends, and love spending time together, so now we just have to work it around one schedule instead of two. If we each worked 9-5 type jobs, it might be different; but in our situation, it works out really well.

Because I stay at home, I consider it my job to do almost everything around the house. I clean, I cook dinner, I do our banking/bills/financial stuff, I fill out forms for the school, I run our errands, I grocery shop, I take the kids to and from sports practice, and several other things.

Please excuse the fact that I sound like I'm quoting from a 1950's home economics book, but I try to make things pleasant and not stressful for when Jerry comes home from work. He doesn't have to worry if the bills are paid, because he knows I did it. He doesn't have to wonder about what to have for dinner, because I've already cooked it.

I've always been a little old-fashioned, and I enjoy what I do. Jerry takes care of some of the household stuff like mowing the lawn and car maintenance, and if I need help with something, he's happy to help out.

We've talked about all this several times over the years, and we both agree that we enjoy our lifestyle.

What It Means Financially

It didn't come as a huge shock financially, mainly because we had done a long trial period when I banked all of my checks to see if we could live on one income. The cost of living in the Metro Detroit area can be pretty cheap. Also, we still live in the house we bought when we got married. There was a time where we talked about moving into something bigger, and we were approved for a loan; but when we saw what our house payments would be, we balked at the idea and decided that we are content where we are. (You can see our budget here)

Our house is pretty homely--comfortable, but not elaborately decorated or anything. As you know, I love thrift shopping, so a ton of our stuff is secondhand. Some of my very favorite things came from garage sales. There are lots of things that need updating, but we'll do that over time. The kids have all they need, without being too spoiled.

We don't do professional haircuts, because they're crazy expensive. So, my boys were used to the clippers ;) Once they were around 11 and 12, and wanting different styles, I took them to a barber. But they didn't get a single haircut from the barber until that age! (I even cut my own hair, because I can't fathom spending $40 for someone else to do it.)

I could go on and on, but we certainly have enough (I've especially come to realize this since we started our budget a year ago--we have more than enough money to get by!). As soon as we pay off the last of our debt (hopefully this month!) we'll have all that extra money each month--to invest, to use for projects, start an emergency fun, and do some fun things once in a while.

As far as a back-up plan if something should happen to Jerry (the breadwinner), it's something I think about a lot. One of my goals right now is to learn about and start an investment account in case something like that should happen. We plan to speak with a financial advisor to figure out what would be best. But if it comes down to it, I would certainly get a job (in addition to/to replace blogging).

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I totally understand that being a stay-at-home mom is not for everyone. Several of my friends have said that they would be super bored. There are some days that I am bored--when I don't have appointments or errands and the house is spotless, etc. But MOST of the time, I stay just as busy as I would with a "regular" job.

This post is not to try to pursued anyone to become a stay-at-home mom. I totally understand that it's not everyone's cup of tea! Or maybe it's not affordable. Or maybe one's spouse doesn't like the idea. There are lots of reasons why none of us should judge each other for our life decisions.

I give working moms a TON of credit--especially when I'm training for a race, and I think, "How in the hell do moms fit in a run between working all day, cooking dinner, taking care of the kids, cleaning up, etc?" Working moms are awesome. And so are stay-at-home moms. We just have different ways of managing our time!

So, thank you, reader (I'm not sure if you wanted your name withheld, so I will leave you anonymous), for the kind interest you have in learning about being a stay-at-home mom. I love what I do, and it works out great for my family :)

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I would love to see the (polite) perspectives of others in the comments, if you're willing to share! Whether you stay at home or work a traditional job, do you enjoy it? What are your plusses and minuses? If you had the chance, would you reverse your role?

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A Great Marriage Despite (Bi)Polar Opposite Partners

Just a forewarning, this post may be a little (or a lot) sappy. I'm married to a pretty cool guy, and I might do some gushing here and there ;)

A reader recently submitted a question via my blog topic suggestion form, and it's a question I've actually been asked quite a few times recently. It differs from the normal topics on my blog, so I thought it would be fun to write about.

The reader asked:

"Hi! Would love to hear more about your marriage; you mentioned how you and your husband have nothing in common on one of your recent posts... my husband and I are the same way... I'd love to hear some ideas of how you find common interests and make it work, growing your relationship!"

First, some background...

Jerry and I met when I was 17 and he was 18. Here is the story of how we met. I knew from our first date that I was going to marry him, and I even wrote it in my journal that night. We were young when we got engaged--20 and 21--and were married the following year. So, we were together for four years before we got married; and this August, we will celebrate our 15-year wedding anniversary.

When we got married, it was clear that people thought we were too young. We were each others' first real relationship, and we were inexperienced with life in general. But somehow, I had no doubts whatsoever about the marriage. We got along so well, and we truly loved spending time together.

Fast forward to 2018, and we are still very happily married! We most certainly have our ups and downs like any other couple, and we've had good years and not-so-great years; but overall, I would say our marriage is very successful.

Which is odd, because we are complete opposites of each other. When I say opposites, I mean we have NOTHING in common.

As a side note, I want to share a very mind-blowing statistic that relates to us. In the United States and Canada, at least 40% of all marriages fail--those obviously aren't great odds. But in a relationship where one partner has bipolar disorder? There is a whopping 90% failure rate! (source) I wrote a post about how bipolar has affected my marriage which may help explain why we have managed to stay a part of that 10% success statistic so far.

Anyway, how do Jerry and I not only manage to stay together, but also manage to stay together happily while we have no common interests?

** Because we are opposites, we balance each other out really well. For example, Jerry is very social and outgoing, while I am very introverted and a homebody. So, if not for him, I would likely have zero social life; and if not for me, he would never spend any time at home. In ways like that, opposites really do attract.

** Jerry and I also trust each other with all of our being--I've never trusted anyone like I trust him, and I am very comfortable talking to him about anything at all. He feels the same about me. We don't have any secrets from each other, and we really enjoy talking about our feelings. It makes communication so much easier when you don't have to hold anything back! If I'm mad at him for whatever reason, I don't have to beat around the bush... I can just tell him. And if my mood is a little too crazy for him, he can tell me so.

**As far as our interests go... this is a tougher issue. My therapist actually brought this up with me recently, because she asked what we're going to do to stay happy when the kids move out of the house. We'll only have each other for entertainment most of the time, so we need to find hobbies or activities that we both enjoy doing together.

Up until I started losing weight, much of our relationship revolved around food. We enjoyed going out to eat, and even binge eating in the evenings. After the kids were in bed, we'd dig out some junk food and watch a movie (while eating the entire time). It was no wonder we both gained so much weight! In December 1999, Jerry weighed about 155 pounds; by 2009, he was up to 253 pounds (we had the same starting weight, hahaha).

** Once we started living a healthier and more active lifestyle, we weren't able to use the movies and eating as a "date night" and we had to look at other options. So, we started thinking outside our little box, and trying new things for our "dates". Jerry is typically up for anything at all (another thing that we don't have in common--I am much more reserved), so we tried anything I suggested.

Now, there are a lot of times we compromise on dates--if it's something that Jerry really wants to do, I will do it for him. And vice versa. However, we've also managed to find some things that we both really like and look forward to!

Here are some examples of dates we both enjoy:

** Going out for drinks and Keno at the local bar

** Having another couple over to play Euchre (or other games)

** Having a movie night at home--cuddling up on the couch with a snack and watching a movie

** Going through old photos and reminiscing

** Taking selfies and video selfies while being goofy

** A picnic in the park

** A long walk or bike ride (we both have to be in the mood for this, which is rare)

** Thrift shopping at Salvation Army or at garage sales

** Doing our own thing... together. (I might sit on the couch and write a blog post while he plays a game on the Xbox. It sounds lame, but we enjoy each other's company even when not doing the same activity.)

** Sitting on the back deck in the summer with a cold beer and just chatting

** Comedy clubs

** Taking "couples" quizzes or answering questions out loud (we recently had a BLAST going through this book below (Amazon affiliate link) and seeing how compatible we are--the results are that we are extremely incompatible, hahaha)

And that's about all I can come up with right now. There are things we each enjoy doing individually, so we'll do those things with a friend to spare each other having to do something we don't really like.

** Something else we do that I think helps us stay happy in our marriage is that we go on solo trips sometimes. Since we have such different interests, we'll each plan visits with friends who have the same interests we do. Then, we can get our fix of doing the things we enjoy with someone else who enjoys it as well. 

For example, I'm going to Kansas City this weekend to spend time with a few of my girlfriends, doing "girlfriend-y" things ;) In July, Jerry is going to Wisconsin to visit a friend and go to some beer festival. He's happy that I get to go have fun doing things that he's not interested in, and I'm happy that he's going to attend a beer festival with someone who is just as excited as he is about beer. We text each other pictures throughout our trips and then excitedly recap the details for each other when we get home. We love hearing the excitement in each other's voices as we share our favorite parts of the trip.

And one of the best parts is that we actually miss each other--being away from each other for a few days sort of renews the "butterflies" feeling. It gives our relationship a little "boost"! (We do go on trips together, as well; but those are difficult to plan, because we have such different interests.) 

I know going on solo trips isn't for everyone, so I'm not suggesting that all couples do it. But Jerry and I trust each other so completely that we sincerely want each other to do the things that we enjoy, even if it doesn't involve one of us. Hopefully that makes sense!

** Another thing that helps our marriage stay alive is that we express our gratitude for each other. I am SO grateful every single day that he gets up and goes to work a 12 hour shift in order to provide for our family. I never take this for granted, and I make sure to tell him this often. I don't ever want him to doubt that I am grateful for what he does for our family.

(Funny story behind this picture... Jerry told me to take a selfie of me looking all happy while he was in the ER and post it on Instagram so that my "haters" would talk about how much of a pretentious asshole I am. He was a little high on morphine, and he told me to take a video... so I took a video of him telling me all about how I should post this photo for my haters. It was hilarious! He later had no recollection of saying those things.) 

And likewise, Jerry thanks me for doing the things that I believe are "expected" of me... doing the laundry, cooking dinner, going grocery shopping, etc. He notices when I buy something at the grocery store that he didn't ask for, but that I think he would like. He gets excited that I make it a point to cook his favorite dinner on a day that is particularly stressful for him. 

Since we've been together so long, it would be easy to take everything for granted, because it's so routine. But we make sure to continue to let each other know that the little things matter and that we are grateful for each other.

  Finally, we don't compare our relationship to others. Our expectations are reasonable (I am not expecting to go on dates like they portray on The Bachelor, for example!). We don't force ourselves to do the stereotypical romance--roses, fancy candlelight dinners, etc. We consider it a "date" when we go grocery shopping together! 

We enjoy each other's company, no matter what we're doing. I think that stems from fully trusting each other, sharing our honest feelings, showing our gratitude for each other, and laughing together. The laughter is key for us! We have lots of inside jokes that nobody would understand but us, and we love the opportunity to bring them up. 

In one final, sappy, note, I think our marriage is happy because Jerry and I are best friends. A best friend is someone you can have fun with in pretty much any circumstance, even if it's just sitting on the couch and chatting. We trust each other completely, and we love spending time together. 

We may not be compatible when it comes to the direction of the toilet paper roll (it MUST go over, not under, damnit!) or have the same interests in hobbies, but we fit together like Legos. (I warned you that this post would be sappy!)

If you have any secrets to a happy marriage that you'd like to share, please do! I'd love to read them. 

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"I know how to lose weight, so why am I not doing it?"

This post is a combination of Weight Loss Wednesday and Mental Health Monday. I asked on Facebook recently for ideas for blog post topics--since I've had a bit of writer's block lately, I hoped that maybe people would have some fresh ideas.

One person wrote:

"My struggle is and continues to be.....
I’ve lost weight in the past, I know what to do, so why aren’t I doing it?
That on and off switch.
Thanks for asking. As I enjoy reading your words, your thoughts!!"

I believe this is mostly mental, which is why I chose to write about it today. It's a question I've asked myself God-only-knows how many times in my life. And I wish I had one solid, concrete answer... but if I did, then everyone would be thin ;)

While I was obese, and a doctor started telling (lecturing?) me one time about the things I needed to do to lose the weight, I cut her off and told her that I know how to lose weight. If you want to know how to lose weight, ask a fat person--we know better than anyone!

We've read all the magazine articles, self-help books, healthy cooking books; we've gone to Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig; we've tried Slim Fast and Whole 30 and the BeachBody programs. We can tell you exactly how many calories are in that doughnut you're eating, or the pasta that you ordered at the restaurant; how many fat grams are in that cookie or slice of pizza. We can tell you how many miles you need to walk to burn off that piece of cake.

WE KNOW HOW TO LOSE THE WEIGHT.

So, the big question is, what stops us from actually doing it?

Jerry and I were goofing around recently and we started taking selfies of us doing all of the emoji faces... haha! I wasn't sure what other pics to use for this post, so this is what you get ;) 

I had to think hard about this question, because I spent 20 years of my life knowing how to lose weight but not actually doing it. Until one day, I did. So, I had to ask myself what was different? Why was I able to do it this time? I came up with three things that I think made the difference.

One

I've written it over and over and over, and I'll never stop saying it: I didn't make changes that I wasn't willing to live with forever. THAT is the big "secret" that helped me to actually lose the weight.

Before you stop reading (most people shut out the rest of what I have to say at this point, because that's not a "real" answer that they are looking for), let me explain the best I can.

To lose weight, we have to make sacrifices. That is a fact. If you don't change a single thing, you obviously aren't going to lose the weight. So, whether we are successful and can stick with it depends on the sacrifices we CHOOSE to make.

If we know what we need to do to lose the weight, we need to ask ourselves if those are things we're willing to do forever (key word is "willing"). If we only choose sacrifices that we're willing to make, then there really isn't a question of whether or not we can do it. We don't have to change everything! We just have to pick and choose the changes that we are willing to make.

Here is a post that explains more about how to do that.

Two

We have to stop making the same old excuses:

"I have a birthday party tomorrow, so I'll wait and start after that."
"This weekend is busy for me, so I'm going to start on Monday."
"I am going to start tomorrow, so I need to eat all of these cookies and get them out of the house."
"I'm going to have my favorite meal one last time before I start my diet."
"The holidays are coming up, so I'm going to wait until after that. I always have so many parties and festivities going on, so I can't stick to a diet during the holidays."

And so on. We've all said them (or similar things) over and over again.

But here's the kicker: If we are TRULY willing to make the sacrifices that we came up with in my first point, then there is absolutely no reason to start later than literally RIGHT NOW. At this very moment. Because there are always going to be birthdays, anniversaries, junk food at home and work, and invitations to go out to dinner--these things won't stop!

Our surroundings, our relationships, our jobs, holidays, special occasions... those things don't change just because we go on a "diet". We are going to have to deal with those things forever, regardless of what we're eating.

So, if we choose to make the changes that we can live with, then why not start right this minute? We don't need "one last" anything, because if it's something we're not willing to give up, then we are going to have it again--no need to treat it like it's out of our lives forever.

Instead, we need to make a plan--starting right this minute. Which leads to...

Three

We need a "life plan" if we're going to stick with the changes we make. We need to plan for the tough situations and know what we're going to do in them. For example, in the previous excuse of, "I have a birthday party tomorrow, so I'll just wait until after that to start," we need to plan for it in a way that will make us happy.

What is it about the birthday party that we feel will throw us "off our diet"? We want to eat all the food, which probably isn't healthy, and a piece of birthday cake? No problem! We just plan for it ahead of time. In my personal scenario, I would plan to eat only the foods that I desire (for example, I might choose to eat a heaping scoop of pasta salad because I love it, but then I would forgo the fried chicken, because I can really take it or leave it--it's not something that I care about.

I would eat all of the things that I want to eat, that sound good to me, and I would skip the things that don't matter so much. I know (from experience) that the first 4-5 bites of a particular food taste the best; after that, it kind of goes downhill, so when it stops tasting as good, I stop eating it. What's the point of continuing to eat it if it doesn't taste as good?

And I always save room for dessert. If I'm full from a meal, then I will have my dessert later (even asking to take a piece of cake home instead of eating it at the party).

(Note: When I was counting Points or calories, my dilemma at a party was that I didn't want to have to try to estimate the calories in everything, and it was just too much work. So I would either eat nothing at all or say "Screw it!" and eat everything. 

Eventually, my solution for that became to just pick a number and count it as that--say, 500 calories for my plate of food, regardless of what was on it. I didn't try to figure it all out; I just ate what I wanted, and counted it as 500 calories.  

Then, when I wrote it in my food journal, I didn't feel like I "screwed up" the entire day or week. When I felt like I blew it with a meal, then I would let that ruin the rest of the day or week. So, by counting it (even if I was off count by 1,000 calories!) I didn't let it ruin my attitude.)

As far as drinks go... one of the sacrifices I was willing to make from the very beginning of my weight loss was pop. I used to drink tons of Dr. Pepper, but I felt I could live without it. I certainly wasn't willing to give up my desserts, but Dr. Pepper was a sacrifice that I was cool with. If you are a pop person, and you don't want to give it up, then plan on having it--but not a whole two-liter. Having one glass of pop at a birthday party isn't the end of the world.

Alcohol is a tough one for me, as you know if you've been reading lately. I had a glass of wine just about every single day when I was losing weight. I measured it out and counted the calories in it. These days, I haven't been so good at stopping with a small glass of wine. And as I get older, it has affected me in a lot of negative ways, so I am choosing not to drink alcohol (I'm not ready to declare "forever" yet... but I'd like to keep it to very, very rarely).

It's not easy for me, though! Just like weight loss, I have to make sacrifices. Of course I want to drink like everybody else at a party, or share a bottle of wine with Jerry or a girlfriend. But I remind myself of the consequences--how bad it will make me feel later, in particular. And when I weigh that in my mind, being 100% honest with myself, I (usually) choose not to have any.

In another example: "I better eat all these cookies now so that I can start my diet tomorrow". I can't tell you how many times I've said this. And you want me to spoil the ending? It won't be the last time you have cookies in your house!

Eating all of the cookies right now isn't going to keep us from being around cookies forever. All it does is give us an excuse to eat all the cookies--it makes us feel like we're doing the "right" thing because now we can start losing weight tomorrow.

In this situation, I've learned that I can have cookies every single day if I want to. I am not willing to give up cookies from my life. So, I leave the cookies in the cupboard, and when I really, truly, honestly want a cookie, I'll eat one (or two--or until they just don't taste as good).

I discovered that there have been so many times where I thought I wanted things (junk food) just because it was "bad"... but way deep down, it didn't even sound good to me at the time. So what's the point of eating it if it doesn't even sound good? Why not save it for when it really does sound good?

I think that listening to our gut feeling (figuratively, not literally--ha) is very important when it comes to food choices. When I'm really struggling, I usually ask myself, "Do I REALLY want this? (Yes! Of course I do!) No, do I really, honest-to-God, want this? Does it really sound that good?" and sometimes the answer is yes; sometimes the answer is no. But I try to listen to that little voice way down in my gut.

Before I eat, I serve myself a small portion of food, even if I'm ravenous. I can always go back for seconds if I want. I eat slowly if I can, and then if I'm ready to get seconds, I'll take a moment to ask myself if I really am still hungry. I have found that my gut feeling (I guess we could call it intuition, although I hate the phrase "intuitional eating"), is the best answer. My head might tell me I want more, but deep down, I know that I don't actually want more.

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Okay, that was a very long-winded answer to a simple question:

"I know how to lose weight, so why am I not doing it?"

I think it's because we tend to make things more complicated than they need to be. If we don't give up the things we enjoy, and we learn to listen to our gut feelings about what we REALLY want, it will probably help us to actually "do it".

I think we all know the infinite ways to lose weight, and many of us have tried dozens of them--but by making it complicated, it becomes overwhelming--and of course we would rather choose simple than overwhelming.

So, I guess the nutshell three word answer is: Keep it simple!

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Here are some other posts that may be helpful (going into more detail) regarding this topic:

Lose Weight Eating Only the Foods You Love
Changing the Habits That Keep Us From Losing the Weight
Is It Worth the Points/Calories?
My Best Advice For Those With Weight Loss Goals
What I Wish I Knew When I Started Losing Weight
Get It Over With! (Stop Procrastinating and Just Do It)
What Made This Time Different


(I have to say, I do a way better job at making emoji faces than Jerry does!)

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How I'm (Finally) Maintaining My Goal Weight

A question I've been getting a lot this year has been what I've been doing to 1) Get back down to my goal weight; and 2) Maintain my goal weight for the last five months.

I've been reluctant to write about this, because you all know my history with weight loss/gain/maintenance. Remember that Oprah show where she walked onto stage pulling a wagon that held the amount of fat she'd lost? She was at her thinnest, and she did a big "reveal" that day at her goal weight. And then she gained it all back in the critical public eye.

It's been seven years since reaching my goal weight, and while I haven't gained back all (or even half) of the weight I lost, I still struggle with large weight fluctuations (nearly 30 pounds). So I guess I've been concerned that as soon as I write about what I've been doing to maintain my goal weight, all will be undone and you'll watch me gain it all back. Let's hope that's not the case!

And I honestly don't have anything magical to share, anyway. Nothing I'm going to write is something you haven't read at least a dozen times somewhere. But it's working for me--at least for now--so I might as well write about it. Maybe something will strike a chord and be helpful to someone else.

For a quick refresher timeline:

I was in my deepest depression in late 2016/early 2017, and my weight showed it--I can't remember exactly what my weight got up to, but I think it was around 160. I had spent nearly 10 months in a very long and dark depressive episode. That episode was the worst I've ever had.

This bird became my buddy at a very crucial time in my depression;
I cannot stress enough how perfect the timing was for that bird to find me!

I was trying different antidepressants while I waited for an appointment with a psychiatrist. Nothing was working. In early April, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and started new medication. It made a world of difference for me. I came out of my depression.

I finally had the courage to be myself. I "came out" to my friends and family about the bipolar disorder, and began making decisions that made ME happy--regardless of what anyone else thought.

It was around March that I realized that I was dreading running, so I went on an indefinite hiatus.

I also lost the urge to binge eat. I had been using food to self-medicate; and with a stable mood, I didn't need to do that anymore. I continued the habits I had used to lose the weight during my previous hypomanic episode, but I stopped counting calories.

So, there is a rough timeline of the events that have had an impact on my weight this year. That said, I'll try to explain exactly what I've been doing and the habits I've developed to reach and maintain my goal weight.

Like I said, I have no idea if this will be a "permanent" loss--we all know I've reached goal before only to gain back 30 pounds, so this may just be another of those episodes. But somehow, I feel like this is different. Just the diagnosis of bipolar disorder has helped me to understand my use of food to change my mood, and I've gotten good at recognizing it (and preventing emotional eating).

1) I eat only foods that I love. I don't follow a specific diet plan, or cut back on particular food groups. I literally eat anything at all that sounds good to me at the moment. I want to enjoy my food, and by enjoying everything I'm eating, I don't feel the need to overeat--I am satisfied with much less food overall.

2) I keep my portions minimal. I never really realized just how little food it takes to satisfy me until I started eating this way. I don't measure out my portions, but I try to imagine the size of my stomach and keep my meals to that size. Typically, I think this translates to about one cup of condensed food (the space the food would take up after eating it).

Much smaller (and cheaper!) frozen yogurt than I ever used to get

When doing Weight Watchers or counting calories, I always wanted to get the "most bang for my buck", so to speak--eating a lot of lower-calorie foods so that I could eat as much as I could while staying within my calorie range. Now, I just focus on the size of my meals and I don't worry about the calories at all. Richer foods make me feel full pretty quickly, and they are much more mentally satisfying.

A small portion of sweet and sour chicken with an egg roll

I have tried this sort of portion control ("intuitive eating") many times in the past, but wasn't successful with it. I never seemed to know when to stop eating. This time around, I have learned little ways to be more successful at it, so I'll try and explain those the best that I can:

I learned (through trial and error) approximately how much food it will take to satisfy me (where I feel just barely full--where I know if I eat more, I'm going to be uncomfortable).

I started by eating the recommended serving size of foods, and then adjusting that over a period of a few weeks, based on whether I was hungry shortly after eating, had enough energy, etc.

Now, I can look at my food and pretty accurately guess how much I will need to eat in order to feel satisfied. Like I wrote above, I learned that it takes approximately one cup of condensed food to make me feel just barely full. This amount obviously will vary greatly from person to person, though.

Yesterday, for example, Noah made hamburgers for dinner. They weren't enormous burgers, but I could tell that by looking at the density and size of the burger, there was no way I was going to need to eat all of it--my guess was about 3/4 of it, maybe a few bites more. I ended up eating about 3/4 of it, stopping when my stomach was feeling just barely full.

I don't have a set of "rules" that specify the amount I'm "allowed" to eat; I just listen to the little voice inside of me that says I've had enough. Usually, I know I've had enough when the food just doesn't "excite" me anymore (when I first start eating a cookie, for example, it's SO amazing--but with each bite, it gets a little less amazing. I don't want to waste the calories or stomach space on something that just doesn't taste as great as it did when I was hungry).

Continuing to eat beyond satisfaction is very uncomfortable for me, and I obviously would like to avoid that feeling. I would rather stop eating a little short of full than to feel bloated and stuffed. So I err on the side of caution.

By serving myself what looks like the correct portion for my stomach, and/or making a mental note about how much I think I'll need to feel satisfied, I don't have to constantly think about my level of fullness. I always hated this about trying to eat intuitively. The books all tell you to keep in check with your stomach and ask yourself with each bite whether you're still hungry. That's too much thinking to enjoy my food! Making a mental note and/or serving the correct portion takes the thinking out of it.

I also know (from trial and error/experience) that rich foods satisfy me more quickly than blander foods, so I need to eat less of them. For example, I make the most amazing fettuccine Alfredo, which is loaded with fat from butter, heavy cream, and parmesan cheese. One cup of it does not look like much in a bowl, but usually it only takes about 3/4 of a cup to make me feel comfortably full. Eating more than that feels like it's too rich; and like I said above, eating beyond that point makes the food taste not nearly as good as the first few bites did.

Moving on...

3) I eat only four times per day: breakfast between 6:30 and 8:00 (depending on how my morning goes); lunch between 11:30 and 1:30 (again, depending on my schedule for the day); dinner between 4:00 and 7:00; and a treat/snack between 8:00 and 9:00.

4) People have asked me how I deal with hunger between meals. By eating the correct portion size, I do get hungry before my next meal--but I prefer it that way. My food tastes so much better when I'm hungry! That said, I don't want to be starving an hour after a meal, either. I like to start feeling hungry about an hour before my next meal. I've learned that with the portion sizes I eat, it's pretty much right on target as far as how long I can go before being hungry again.

5) I pretty much stopped drinking alcohol. This was not due to trying to lose weight, but rather due to my bipolar disorder. When reading about bipolar, I recognized some of the symptoms in myself regarding alcohol--when I am hypomanic, I tend to drink more because I typically go out more frequently, socialize more, and use food and alcohol for "fun" reasons (which isn't really a good thing). On the other hand, when I'm in a depressed state, alcohol makes me feel more social, less anxious, and loosened up. It sounds good, but can lead to a big alcohol problem.

Alcohol can trigger hypomania and/or depression, and I certainly don't want that; so, I typically avoid alcohol altogether. The first couple of months were difficult, because I was so used to drinking in social situations. I felt out of place at parties or out with friends, but I got used to it and I don't feel uncomfortable with it anymore. If anything, I miss the idea of having a glass of wine with a girlfriend, or margaritas with Mexican food, or things like that, rather than the actual alcohol itself.

(I'm not sure if giving up drinking has played a role in my weight loss/maintenance directly, but it has certainly helped me to eat less calories. Drinking would loosen me up enough to make me not care so much about eating more snacks, which obviously meant more calories.)

I have had alcohol on a handful of occasions over the last eight months or so, and each time, it has made me feel bloated and uncomfortable. It has also triggered hypomania, which has made me conclude that I would be best just avoiding it altogether. My psychiatrist has said that a little is okay here and there, but that people react differently to it, so I just need to be aware of that. I think avoidance is best for me.

6) I don't force myself to exercise, but I do try to stay active. When I stopped running, I just wanted a break from always "training" for stuff. Exercise had become a chore that I was dreading all the time, so I stopped the formal exercise.

Instead, I look for ways to stay active in everyday life. I do a lot of deep cleaning at home (cleaning and organizing a closet takes a surprising amount of work! And I'm always sore the next day.) I still park as far from the entrance to buildings as possible. I take the stairs, even if it's six flights. I go for walks (easy strolls) with Joey and/or friends. I coach(ed) cross country.

Hiking is one of my favorite things to do when I go to Portland!

Basically, I avoid sitting (other than when I work on my blog or relax with the family in the evenings). This is probably not enough to get in good shape, but it's enough for my mental health right now. I would love to start running again when I'm ready, or find another form of exercise that I really enjoy enough to do regularly.

7) Finally, I have been doing what makes me happy and avoiding things that don't make me happy. By being a happier person in general, I am more satisfied with my food, my body, my weight, and my health. I believe that feeling good mentally plays a big role in my weight--it always has in the past (this could just be due to my bipolar, but Jerry has noticed that when he is happier, the weight comes off more easily as well).

Clearly, I was very excited about this doughnut and cider, haha

So, hopefully this answers the questions I've gotten about how I've lost and maintained my weight this year. Like I said, it's nothing new or mind-blowing; just some common sense and intuition that I never realized I had.

As always, I fully believe that everybody should find habits, food plans, and exercise plans that work for them as individuals; just because something works for me doesn't mean it will work for others. And vice versa. It's taken 35 years for me to learn that my body actually does have intuition when it comes to eating!

I certainly hope that this way of eating will continue to work well for me. I am very happy with my diet (I use the term "diet" to mean "a way of eating"; not "a weight loss plan"). I still don't miss running, although on a few occasions, I have found myself thinking that it might be nice to get back into it and train for a 5K or something. It's very nice not to feel the pressure to do so, however.

In fact, it's been fantastic not to feel pressure about anything right now! I have finally realized and accepted that life is too short to worry about the number on the scale or on the tag of my jeans. If I maintain a reasonable weight, stay moderately active, and enjoy my diet, then I am one happy camper! ;)


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