One of the most popular posts on my blog is a list of 100 things that changed when I lost 100 pounds. I wrote it waaaay back in 2010, before I even started Runs for Cookies. I was 28 years old and very naïve. I worried too much about what people thought of me, I cared too much about my appearance, and I was too much of a perfectionist about my diet.
I cringe when I read it now. It's tempting to change some of it (especially when I saw I used the now-politically-incorrect term "Indian-style" when referring to sitting cross-legged) but like I said--I was naïve. I'm sure in another 13 years, I'm going to look at this post and cringe just as hard.
We live, we learn, and we cringe. That's life.
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Age 28 vs. 41. There are a million differences in these photos, which will probably become clear after reading this post. Some visible, some not. |
Anyway, I laughed at a lot of the things on my list because they are just so NOT important. And things have changed so much since then! Here is a revised (light-hearted) list, 13 years later...
Then: "I used to feel ashamed buying candy and junk food. [After losing the weight], I feel just as entitled as everyone else to buy junk food."
Now: I make most of my food choices based on reasons other than weight loss. Namely, vegan food (for ethical reasons) and nutritious food (for health reasons). And Ben & Jerry's non-dairy P.B. & Cookies ice cream (for mental health).
Then: "[After losing the weight], I eat my daily dessert whenever I feel like having something sweet."
Now: I've finally gotten a grasp on the purpose of avoiding sugar. I never used to worry about it because it didn't make a difference in my weight loss, as long as I was counting calories. I've since discovered that sugar makes me crave more sugar. I don't think there is anything wrong with having dessert, but I know that if I choose to eat dessert, I'm going to crave sweets like crazy until I give in--over and over. And this reason alone has stopped me from eating sweets numerous times. I just don't want to deal with cravings and the argument in my head about whether I should eat something or not.
Then: "I went from a size 24 to a size 8 in 10 months."
Now: I don't care one bit about the size on the label of my clothes. I used to want the smallest number possible, whether it looked okay or not. Now, I have clothes in multiple sizes and I don't even think about what size they are when I'm choosing what to wear. I pick my clothes based on comfort, because who am I trying to impress? And does anyone care AT ALL about the number on my clothes? I think not.
Then: Even after losing the weight, I was too embarrassed to post "fat photos" of myself--unless it was a before and after comparison.
Now: I stopped cringing at old fat photos of me. I've even posted them on my blog several times without scrutinizing my body, looking for all of the flaws. Yes, I used to look like that. So what? I am SO glad that I have those photos from back then. I actually wish I had more--there were a lot of photos I deleted after I saw how fat I looked or I avoided the camera completely. And now I don't have photos of some great family memories because of my insecurities. I don't avoid the camera and I don't try to fool myself--I can see when I've gained weight and I still post pictures anyway. I look how I look--take it or leave it.
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This was in 2009. I wore this scarf to hide my huge double chin, hahaha. |
Then: [After losing the weight] "I only sweat when I exercise!"
Now: I'm not embarrassed to sweat. This sounds kind of silly, but when I was 253 pounds, I was SO embarrassed if I was sweating for any reason at all (because, you know, skinny people don't sweat). When I lost the weight, I was happy that I didn't really sweat unless I was exercising. It was like I thought sweating was shameful. That's ridiculous! Last night, I was sweating just because two of the cats were on my lap and their bodies are like a warming blanket. I have no problem announcing that I'm sweating like a beast for whatever the reason may be.
Then: [Before losing the weight] "I used to wake up sore and achy from the added stress that the weight put on my body. Now I wake up feeling refreshed!"
Now: I wake up sore and achy from being old. HAHAHA
Then: [After losing the weight] "I can wear cute underwear and sexy lingerie now!"
Now: I am right back to wearing granny panties most of the time because hey--they're comfortable! I don't care if panty lines are visible through my stretchy black pants.
Then: I avoided restaurant food because it's so high in calories.
Now: I avoid restaurant food because it's expensive and because home-cooked food just tastes a million times better.
Then: [After losing the weight] "I feel feminine for the first time in my life! Being overweight made me feel like a sexless blob. Now I have the desire to style my hair, wear make-up, and wear cute clothes."
Now: BAHAHA--now, I enjoy doing "handyman" stuff and woodworking. I don't bother painting my nails because it's going to get chipped the second I touch my tools. I usually sweat while working on projects, so I don't bother with my hair or make-up, either. A messy bun, jeans, and a hoodie are pretty much my uniform.
Then: "I even wear cute pajamas now! No more of my husband's t-shirts."
Now: I love wearing Jerry's t-shirts because they're super worn in and comfy.
Then: "Before losing weight, I used to get excited about events like weddings and parties because of the food. [After losing the weight] I enjoy going out so I can socialize."
Now: A typical Saturday night is wearing my pajamas, reading a book or watching a show, and being in bed by 9:00.
Then: [After losing the weight] "My alcohol tolerance is much lower--one to two drinks is my limit before I feel like it's too much."
Now: Well, my tolerance went up quite a bit since then--so much so that I knew it was a problem and I needed to quit drinking altogether. I've been sober since February 2021.
Then: "I used to have a hard time stating my weight because I was so used to saying 'two hundred something pounds'--it took a while to get used to saying 'one hundred something'."
Now: I can pretty much just laugh and say, "Well, am I stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, or hypomanic?" Take your pick!
Then: "My treadmill is no longer a dust collector."
Now: My treadmill is probably the dustiest thing in my house... when I don't have things stored on top of it.
Then: "I've gotten more adventurous since losing the weight. Trying new things, going out more, meeting new people."
Now: Aww, how cute! Now, I like routine and I'm a homebody. And nothing gives me anxiety sweats like meeting new people.
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I was heading to a Twilight party (a "wedding" in honor of the Breaking Dawn book), which is why the red and black. |