A Chat About My Weight (The elephant--haha!--in the room)

(All photos in the post were taken within the past year)

If you haven't noticed, I haven't been writing much about my weight at all on my blog lately. It's not that I'm trying to keep secrets or anything--I've already talked about my weight gain, and how I'm the heaviest I've been in eight (err, nine) years. That's nothing new.

And really, I haven't written much about it because there isn't much to write! I still weight myself occasionally (not every day, like I used to--maybe about once a week). When I write it down in my little calendar book, I don't really think anything except, "Ugh, I really need to do something to drop these extra pounds."

Yesterday, after I weighed in, I decided to flip through the book and see how long it's been since I was at my goal weight (or close to it). When I started gaining weight. All of that kind of stuff.

And I noticed the most unbelievable thing.

I have actually been within a five-pound weight range for OVER A YEAR. (Let me just add that this is the info I got from my weight log; so if I happened to mention a lower or higher weight in that time, I'm sorry, it's not intentional. I may have dipped a little higher or lower for a minute).

Anyway, when I wrote that post about being the heaviest I've been in eight years (that was in September 2018), I weighed 162. I remember being a little stunned that I'd gotten back up into the 160's. I wasn't proud of it, but I knew it was from emotional eating (and alcohol). I wanted to take it off, but I didn't care so much about the number. I changed my weight goal (without looking back at the post, I want to say 145?).

Throughout the last year, I've given half-hearted attempts at losing the weight, but I just can't seem to get myself into that mindset. It's not that I don't care--I do--it's just that I am not in such a rush and I'm not willing to sell my soul to be thin again.

Yesterday, my weight was 166. I going to have to go back and plot my weight for the last year or so on my Happy Scale app so I can see a graph, but I've literally been in a very small weight range for over 12 months now. Who would have thought that was even possible?! I certainly wasn't trying to do that.

Part of me starts to wonder about the theory of "set points" for our bodies (the weight that our body naturally gravitates to, where it's hard to gain or lose from that weight. I always hoped that if that was true, my "set point" would be about 130 ;)  Apparently, my body likes my weight in the mid-160's.

Keep in mind, however, that I hadn't been running more than a couple of times a month until almost six weeks ago, so that may have something to do with my weight staying up. Also, I gave up alcohol (for a year as an experiment--I'm not going to claim that it's permanent yet!) and admittedly, replaced it with comfort food when I'm anxious.

Other than the few semi-attempts at losing the weight, I've literally been eating whatever and whenever I want, however much I want, for over a year now. I think if I saw the scale continuing to climb, I would probably make more of an effort. But since the scale isn't really moving, I'm kind of loving that I don't have to count calories.

I'm sure many of you have heard of The F*ck It Diet by Caroline Dooner (Amazon affiliate link). (Also, I despise that title) It's basically the most anti-diet diet that is out there. She writes about how you basically don't have any rules whatsoever--eat what you want, when you want it, how much you want, and fuck everything else. We are not slaves to our weight.

I love the idea, but I wasn't consciously following that. It made me too scared to gain more weight on top of what I'd already gained. But looking back, that's pretty much how I gained it in the first place! I'd not heard of it at the time, and I wasn't intentionally eating that way, but I just had a "fuck it" attitude and thought I'd worry about my weight later, when I wasn't so stressed.

(Side note: Noah going to the community college has been a big stressor for me. That and Jerry's depression happened around the same time, and I was super worried and stressed. And anxious. Always anxious. I started drinking more to alleviate anxiety, which caused me to eat more and gain weight, and then I made the decision to go a year without alcohol to hopefully find other coping mechanisms for anxiety.)

The stressors haven't gone away, and sometimes I wish that life had a pause button, to allow me to catch up while the world stops. I am still working on finding ways to cope with anxiety (my favorite is still the games I play on Lumosity while I chew ice). Actually, a lot of the things that I do to avoid binge eating also help with anxiety.

There really isn't a point to this post! I just thought it was very interesting that I've maintained my weight for over a year without even trying, and even though it's about 20 pounds more than I'd like, I'm very thankful not to have gained everything back.

As far as my plans from here? I want to try to lose the weight, but in a different way. I don't want to count calories or make things overly complicated. I know where my problems are--I use food to relieve stress, and of course, it's never salad. Ice cream has been my go-to. I believe that if I made just one change--drastically reduce the ice cream (coupled with my return to running)--I will probably see a noticeable difference on the scale.

Yes, I change my mind about this all the time (hey, I'm bipolar!) but I'm allowed to. I can change my mind as many times as I want. And I am the one that lives with the consequences and who learns from my actions as far as what works and what doesn't.

I'm *starting* to feel little tingles when I think about running again (crazy, I know!) and so after my 3-3-3 running plan is up (3 miles, 3 days a week, for 3 months), I may set a running goal. Maybe a half-marathon or something. I don't care about my finish time (PR's are not on my mind), but it would be nice to work toward something other than my weight.

I have to say, the ODDEST thing about all of this is that I haven't had to buy new clothes. When I bought jeans to fit me last year (size 10), I never expected they'd fit me a year later. That's never happened. However, I'm wearing a pair right now. This is madness, I tell you! ;)

For the Cliff's Notes:

- My weight has stayed within a five pound range for over a year (mid-160's)
- I want to drop 20 pounds, but I'm not in a hurry
- If I do lose weight, it's going to be in a way that I am willing to do FOREVER. Something I've always preached!
- I'm looking forward to continuing with running and I'm hoping I'll set some future running goals once I'm done with my 3-3-3 running plan
- Being "thin" isn't as important to me anymore (maybe it's my age); I really want to be healthy and in shape

I'd like to update on this once in a while. Since I'm not going to be "dieting" or counting calories or anything, I don't know if I'll have anything to update. But if I notice anything changing (especially now that I'm running again), I'll post about it. I feel good about my decisions.

Right now. As for tomorrow, who knows?! hahaha

Here are a few photos of me throughout the last year. Some I hated and didn't post because I felt like I was "too fat". Some I thought were more flattering than others. But you know what? It is what it is. I am who I am. I'm at where I'm at.

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RECIPE: Split Pea Soup (in the slow cooker)

(I am currently revamping some recipes from way back in 2011, and making them easier to read and more printer-friendly. I apologize that this will bombard your blog feed! I'll try not to do more than a handful at a time until they are done.)

Now... split pea soup.

Yes, it looks disgusting. I agree. However, despite how gross it looks, I LOVE this soup. If you ask my kids what their favorite dinner that I make is, they will (honest to God!) tell you that it's my Split Pea Soup. They request this all throughout the year. And because it's done in the slow cooker, you can just forget about it for 6-8 hours while your house smells heavenly.

Here is a printer-friendly version!

Split Pea & Ham Soup

Ingredients:

1 (1 lb) bag of dried split peas
1/2 cup pearl barley (not the quick-cooking)
3 carrots, chopped*
1 onion, chopped
10 oz. of potatoes, peeled and diced*
1 (8 oz) package of diced ham
8 cups chicken broth (I use bouillon with 8 cups of water)
1 bay leaf

Directions:

Place all ingredients in the slow cooker, cover, and cook on high for about 4 hours (or low for 6-8 hours) until thick when stirred. Makes 8 servings, approximately 1-1/2 cups each. Make sure you remove the bay leaf before serving!

*I like to cut the carrots and potatoes into rather large chunks because they tend to break down a bit while cooking and after stirring.

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RECIPE: Loaded Baked Potato Soup

This is my really fast and easy dinner when I don't know what to make but I'm starving. It tastes just like a loaded baked potato, and it's really not too bad for you! (Depending on the toppings, haha). *See notes below recipe

Here is a printer-friendly version!

Loaded Baked Potato Soup

Ingredients:

2 tsp. canola oil
1 onion, chopped
1 bag frozen potatoes
1 quart chicken broth
1/2 cup milk or cream
1 cup sour cream
Toppings, like shredded cheese, bacon, chives, green onion, etc.


Directions:

Heat soup pot over medium heat and add oil. Add the onion and sauté until onion is soft. Meanwhile, put the potatoes in a colander and run under hot water to thaw a little.

When onions are soft (not brown) add the chicken broth and bring to a boil. Add potatoes and return to a boil. Reduce heat to medium low, and simmer until potatoes are soft. Add the milk and let it heat through on medium heat (don’t boil the milk, to avoid curdling it).

Sometimes I purée the soup with a stick blender at this point, but you don't have to—it just depends on the texture you’d like. Stir in the sour cream and warm through on medium-low heat (again, don’t boil it).

Ladle into bowls and add your toppings. Makes 4-6 servings, depending on how hungry you are!

*I like to use the crumbled bacon you can buy pre-cooked in a bag, but of course, this would be delicious with freshly cooked bacon.

*If you're not worried about calories, it's amazing when you throw in a handful of cheddar cheese and stir until melted before you ladle it into bowls.

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RECIPE: White Chili

Chicken, white corn, and white beans make this a nice change from the usual chili made with ground beef and a tomato based sauce. This was my first time using coriander (when I was a beginner cook just after getting married!) and I loved the flavor of it. It's a necessity for this recipe.


Here is a printer-friendly version!


White Chili

Ingredients:

2 tsp olive oil
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 cups chicken broth
1/2 tsp coriander
2 Tbsp lime juice
1 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/4 tsp hot sauce
1 can white corn, drained
1 can great northern beans, drained and rinsed
1 pound chicken breasts, cooked and shredded

Directions:

Heat oil in a soup pot over medium heat, and cook onions and garlic until onions are soft.

Stir in remaining ingredients except chicken. Bring to a boil.

Reduce heat and simmer 20 minutes. Add (cooked) chicken, and simmer 3-4 more minutes until hot. Serve with crusty bread. (Makes about 4 main dish servings)

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RECIPE: Lasagna Soup

I'm going through recipes and revamping some of them, so I hate to bombard you with several recipes in a row. But here goes!

This Lasagna Soup is very simple, but for some reason, it tastes so complicated and GOOD. I love to serve this with warm garlic bread on a cold day.

Click here for the printer-friendly PDF

 Lasagna Soup

2 tsp. olive oil
1 pound lean ground turkey or beef (I like turkey)
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 tsp. dried parsley
4 cups beef broth
1 can crushed tomatoes
1/4 tsp. Italian seasoning
4 oz. uncooked pasta (I usually use rotini or egg noodles)
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

In a soup pot over medium-high heat, cook onions in olive oil for a few minutes. Add the ground turkey and garlic, and cook until turkey is browned and onion is soft. Drain turkey mixture, and add parsley, broth, tomatoes, and Italian seasoning. Bring to a boil and add the pasta. Reduce heat to medium and simmer until the pasta is done, about 10-12 minutes. Serve with parmesan and garlic bread.

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The Best $50 I've Ever Spent

Ugh, I am still having problems with my energy, and it's driving me crazy. Sometimes I feel totally fine and others I feel dead to the world. I think stress has a lot to do with it, but now that things are settling down, hopefully I will see some consistency.

I did my run yesterday to finish off week five of my 3-3-3 running plan. My weeks are from Monday through Sunday, so I waited until the last day, but I got it done. Ideally, I'd like to do Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

So, even though I ran yesterday, I decided to get back to my regular M-W-F schedule today. Very unlike me! However, I perked up a little in the afternoon, and decided I might as well get it done before my energy was zapped again.

I chose to run on the treadmill today. I really should go outside to run, because it's perfect fall weather! But I feel a sort of comfort from staying in and doing the 'mill.

The only real problem with that is that I can't see my progress (or lack of) over time. My Garmin and treadmill read two different sets of data and it's frustrating. The timer on the treadmill is off (for example, 1:00 minute in "real time" may say "1:02" on the treadmill). Since time is constant, I know that the treadmill's timer is off. The Garmin's timer is correct.

The distance on the treadmill versus the Garmin is different though (mainly based on the motion of my left arm, which is where I wear my watch). The Garmin doesn't really register the changes in speed when going from 4.4 to 4.6 mph, for example. It barely even recognizes big changes such as 4.2 to 5.0 mph! Today, I decided to give the old foot pod a try and see if that was more accurate.

That was a big fail. The Garmin (from the foot pod) read that I was "running" at 3.3 mph, when the treadmill was set at 4.5 mph! I only wore the foot pod for a mile, and then after I took it off, the pace was still wonky. The only semi-accurate mile was the final one.

The treadmill was at 4.4 mph - 4.6 mph for nearly the entire 3 miles. The foot pod didn't register that at all. Which made my average pace completely wrong.

Today's run was just frustrating. I want to be able to see progress, but to do that, I'd have to consistently run outside. So, I'm going to aim to run outside at least once a week to see if I can spot any noticeable changes.

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Anyway, to the point of this post. I hate to even write about this, because it's going to sound like one big advertisement (or at least a sponsored post). This is NOT a sponsored post--I just bought something that I am so excited about I'm dying to share.

When Jerry and I got married and bought our house, my mom gave me her very durable, good quality vacuum cleaner... that belonged to HER mother before she passed away. In other words, it was very very (very) old. However, because of the quality of it and it still worked very well, there was no real reason for us to get a new one.

Last week, I realized I'd run out of bags for the vacuum. I hate buying bags for it, because they are $20 a pack. With two cats and a dog, the bags fill up more quickly than I'd like. Just for the heck of it, I decided to look at vacuum cleaners on Amazon instead of buying new bags.

Because we switched to hard floors throughout the house (we have carpet in the bedrooms and a large area rug in the living room, as well as a couple of small rugs in the kitchen), we don't need a super fancy vacuum. I didn't want to spend a fortune on one--just something that would do the job.

I found a deal on one by Black & Decker for $49.99 (regular 79.99, but Amazon has it listed as a limited deal right now). You can find it here (Amazon affiliate link--it just means if you buy it through the link, I may get a small commission for referring you. But like I said, this isn't a sponsored post and I'm getting nothing for raving about it!).

I love Amazon's new next-day shipping, because I literally got it less than 24 hours after I ordered it! It had very good reviews, so I was really excited to try it out. First, I decided to do the orange area rug. I had just vacuumed it the day before, so it wasn't too dirty.

The vacuum is super easy to use and I had it ready to go in no time. The second I turned it on, I knew I was in love. I can't even describe the suction power on that thing! It made my rug look brand new--it even pulled up the spots that were matted from walking on it.

And--this is both horrifying and SO satisfying at the same time--just look at what two minutes of vacuuming the rug pulled up! *cringe*

Can you believe it?! I was so excited that I actually took pictures to send to Jerry and my mom 😂

Then I did a quick job of Eli's room, Noah's room, and my room, respectively. I emptied the canister after each room, and LOOK AT ALL THE DUST. This is AFTER I vacuumed the day before. I was so stunned.

I realize that $50 is cheap for a vacuum, but even if this thing only lasts a year, it'll be worth it. I was going to spend $20 on the bags for our other vacuum anyway.

Anyways, I realize this sounds like a big ad, so I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves. But if you're looking for a vacuum, I am in love with this one. (It even comes with an attachment for furniture, particularly for pet hair!)

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By the way, any suggestions for fast-paced very action-packed shows to watch while I'm on the treadmill? Sadly, I've probably watched everything you will suggest, hahaha. But I need something to make me excited about hopping on the treadmill for a run!

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Weeks 4 and 5 Recap of 3-3-3 Running, and Halloween (Bar) Tricks

(This water bottle and note were waiting on the porch for me when I got home--I love when Jerry makes little notes like this!)

I was feeling super sick for a little over a week, and I still don't feel 100% back to normal. I didn't really feel like I was getting a cold or anything, but I just had zero energy and the worst headache (a tension headache) that refused to go away, even with ibuprofen and acetaminophen. I also felt weak and shaky, for no reason at all. Actually, I felt like I had a hangover (which isn't possible, because I haven't had a drink in over 10 months).

It made getting in my runs very difficult this week! I typically try to do my runs on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Well, on Monday I was SO tired that I actually napped from late morning to early afternoon. I only nap about once or twice a year, when I'm very desperate! I just couldn't bring myself to run.

I told myself I'd do it on Tuesday, and I knew that if I didn't get it done Tuesday, I'd end up quitting altogether. Thankfully, I had a great morning with plenty of energy, so I was able to get it done. I ran again Thursday and today. So, I got in my 3-3-3 workouts (3 miles, 3 days a week, for 3 months... today marked the end of week 5).

I didn't do a recap last week, so here is a very short one from the last two weeks:

Monday - Ran with Joey outside. Managed to get a 13:02 pace with an average heart rate of 142 bpm. I think that's my best run so far.

Wednesday - Ran on the treadmill. Nothing really notable. Stayed at about the same heart rate for most of the run.

Friday - This is the day I started to feel really sick. No energy at all, and my resting heart rate was up. My heart rate was up through the whole run, and I was lowering the pace and then the incline so that I could keep my heart rate low enough. It was frustrating.

Tuesday - Wished I'd done the run on Monday, so I could take Tuesday off ;) But on Monday, I was feeling way too tired and my headache was relentless. I was definitely feeling better today, though. Did the treadmill. Here is my blurry treadmill selfie:

Thursday - Felt like crap again. No idea what is going on! I keep waiting for it to turn into a full blown cold, but it's still just the headache and exhaustion. I'm going to try to figure out how the Garmin compares with the treadmill. It's kind of annoying that they don't match! Again, I did the treadmill.

Sunday - I should have done this yesterday, but I wasn't in the mood. Jerry was off work all weekend, and I love hanging out with him when he's off, so running wasn't on my short list of things to do. Today, however, was the last day of my fifth week, so I had to get it done before week six starts tomorrow. I did this one outdoors by myself, and I can't even tell you how many times my watched beeped to tell me my heart rate was too high. I felt like I was running as slowly as I possibly could! I wanted to take my heart monitor off and throw it in the road. My pace definitely reflected it, too, as I had a mile in the 14:00's today!

It's hard to see any sort of pattern yet. Dr. Phil Maffetone says to give it 12 weeks before looking for improvements, so that's what I'm going to do. When I looked at the monthly stats, thought, I was surprised to see that there is a slight downward trend in my pace, which is a good thing.

It's also hard to keep track of the differences when some runs are on the treadmill, some are outside with Joey, and some are outside alone. Those are three very important variables. But I'm not going to overanalyze anything as of yet. I will definitely keep it nerdy at the end of three months, though ;)

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Aside from running, we had a fun Halloween on Thursday. The weather forecast looked HORRIBLE: temperature in the low 40's (wind chill in the low 30's), winds of 20 mph with gusts up to 70 mph, and RAIN. There really couldn't be worse weather.

Thankfully, it wasn't nearly as bad as expected... but it was definitely very cold and windy and rainy. As we have for the past few years, we went to Brian and Becky's house (it was their last Halloween in their current house--they move to their new house very soon). We had tacos for dinner, and then the kids went trick-or-treating and we sat in the garage (it was too windy to sit outside) and passed out candy.

My kids are definitely on the older side for trick-or-treating, but I love to see teens out with costumes on. Trick-or-treating is innocent fun for teenagers when they could be out doing so many not-so-innocent things.

Eli wore the same costume as last year (a burglar) and Noah and his girlfriend, Ashley, dressed in neon 90's exercise stuff.

Noah, Ashley, and Eli went out trick-or-treating together (Eli came back before Noah and Ashley, and he said that they were moving too slow, so he want on ahead without them, haha). They got a TON of candy.

They even want out a second time shortly before trick-or-treating was scheduled to end, and even though people recognized their costumes, they wanted to get rid of their candy. So, the kids wound up with even more.

Luke and Riley were adorable as always--I LOVE those kids!--but they are so hard to get pictures of because they are constantly on the move. I managed to get a quick picture of them with my parents, but the kids were not patient enough for a decent one ;)

My mom somehow came across Mickey and Minnie Mouse costumes, so she wanted to dress up with my dad. My dad says he looked like a drunk Mickey Mouse, hahaha. Accurate.

After trick-or-treating, we went inside to chat and so the kids could sort through their candy. My brothers are always impressing us with new bar tricks they learn (so random, I know!), so Brian attempted a new one (with the dollar bill and beer bottles) for the first time. And Nathan showed us one with a grape (they didn't have olives, which is typically what you'd use in a bar trick, so he improvised) and a wine glass. I mashed the videos together in a 1-Second Everyday video:

It was a super fun night! 

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In Remembrance of Mark

If you've been reading my blog for a while (since before 2014), then you are familiar with a family friend named Mark. I used to write about him on Halloween, because that was the only time I ever saw him.

When I was growing up, my family and I lived in a very small town and my dad owned an auto shop. While he was working, he'd see a man walking around the town daily, usually smoking a cigarette, and always by himself. When my dad introduced himself, he learned that the man's name was Mark and that he lived in a men's group home in town.

The group home was for men who had mental disabilities of different sorts; Mark was intellectually disabled (I later learned that he wasn't born that way; he was run over by a car when he was about eight years old).

My dad took a fondness to Mark, while seeing him walk every day, and he offered him a job in the auto shop (just doing things like sweeping the floor). He was difficult to understand when he spoke, so communicating with him was always a little challenging for me--kind of like talking to a two year old, where you catch a few words here and there.

Anyway, my dad offered to take Mark fishing with him, and so once in a while, my dad would pick him up from the home and they'd go out on the boat to fish. Mark LOVED getting out of town and doing something different, no matter what it was. He didn't have any family (that we knew of) and nobody visited him at the home except for my dad.

Mark said that his birthday was on Halloween, so my dad started picking him up every Halloween to spend the afternoon and evening with us--we'd have cake and sing happy birthday, and give him a couple of gifts. Mark was the most grateful person I've ever met--and I am not exaggerating. If you asked him what kind of cake he'd like, he'd reply, "Oh, any old thing!"

After that, we'd sit in the driveway with a little campfire while passing out candy to kids. It was always my favorite holiday because I loved the tradition of Mark's birthday. He was so happy and grateful and excited to be there that it was truly contagious.

Anyway, in November 2013, Mark was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It had spread all over his body, and hospice care would have been the most humane thing to do for him. Actually, my parents wanted to sign him into hospice care and bring him to their house for his remaining time.

Suddenly, a nephew appeared out of nowhere, and all of Mark's decisions were passed onto him. This was a huge disappointment to us--even though we weren't his family, we were the only ones to see him for years! He knew us and cared about us. And he really wanted to go home with us.

However, his nephew decided to have Mark undergo chemotherapy and radiation in the hospital, and be transferred to a nursing home. You know how many times he went to visit the nursing home in the four months Mark was there? Zero.

My dad and I pretty much alternated days of the week to go visit so that Mark would have a visitor every day. There wasn't much to talk about, but he liked having someone there. I liked to spoil him with whatever he was craving; Long John Silver's, McDonald's milkshakes, fancy coffee from Starbucks (the only coffee he'd ever had was the instant kind that you mix with hot water).

And you... I asked for people to send him postcards from all over, and I can't even tell you how grateful I am for the response. He got probably about 700 cards in the mail! Whenever I'd go to the nursing home, I'd pick up his mail from the P.O. Box, which was overflowing, and then I would read the cards to him (Mark couldn't read, but he loved the pictures).

This nurse's aide ran out of room on the wall to put his cards, so she spent all this time stapling them to his curtain! How wonderful is she?!

Some people sent him money, which I set aside for him to do something with when he'd like. He got several gift cards for McDonald's, which was super helpful when I got him shakes. His favorite was a strawberry milkshake.

As he declined in health, and I visited more and more frequently, I really got to know him. I used to think of him as just someone who visited each Halloween, and I never really took the time to have conversations with him (like I said, it was hard to understand him). However, I was picking up more and more of what he was saying.

One time, we had a serious conversation about what was happening with him--that he was going to Heaven to see his parents and his brother (his parents died when he was a young child, and his brother died while Mark was still in the group home).

He used to tell me he was going "home"--not just "home", but "HOME home"--meaning Heaven. And when we had this conversation, he started crying (which of course made me start crying) and he told me that he was scared. I told him it was okay to be scared and I just tried to listen and validate those feelings. Of course he was scared!

He had some really great nurses (and some no-so-great); the nice ones would hang up his cards or read some cards to him. He would always gesture to his cards on the wall to anybody that would listen and say, "Look how many people care about me! I got all these people that care about me!"

And I think the nurses were impressed that he had hundreds of cards ;)

The radiation had shrunk the tumor on his spine enough to allow him to walk with a walker for a short period. At that time, I asked him what he'd like to do with the money people had sent--he had a couple of hundred dollars! He thought about it and decided he wanted to have a party for the men at his group home, including pizza and cake. With the leftover money, he wanted to get a gift for each of them.

That's how big his heart was.

We made the party happen. I ordered pizza and a cake that was very "Mark" (he loved fishing and life):

I bought individual gifts for all the men in the home, based on their interests. And Mark was SO EXCITED to get to go home to the residents and see everybody. Including their dog ;)

All he wanted, more than anything in the world, was to go home. Anywhere but the hospital or the nursing home! When he was getting very ill toward the end, and his nephew still wasn't really in the picture, we asked again about signing him into hospice care. But again, his nephew showed up and said that he planned to take Mark home for the last few days of his life.

This was my very last picture of Mark, just before he left to go to his nephew's house:

I was very disappointed, but I didn't give up on him. My mom, dad, and I went to visit Mark one last time at Mark's nephew's home. I can't help but think of how unhappy he seemed there. His wheelchair was parked in front of the TV, and Mark really didn't enjoy that. He loved the outdoors, and I would have loved to take him out for walks in his chair.

When it was time for us to go (and I don't know if I ever wrote about this), I just had a feeling it would be the last time I'd see him. I gave him a hug and said, "It's time to go "home home" soon. I'm glad I got to spend time with you. I love you." And when I said "I love you", I saw a brightness pop into his eyes--it was a real, physical change in his face and his eyes. Indescribable.

It instantly made me realize that he probably had never heard those three little words before, other than from his parents when he was little, or maybe his brother decades prior. I'm so glad those were the last three words I said to him that day, because a few days later, Mark went "home home", taking his last breaths at his nephew's house. I'd hoped to be there, but his nephew didn't let us know that it was happening.

For Mark's funeral, I made booklets of all the cards Mark received from you all. I placed them around the funeral home for others (especially Mark's nephew and his family) to see how well-loved Mark was. I also printed off every picture I could find of Mark over the years and I made boards to display them.

His nephew's family wasn't happy about it, and they said some harsh words about why there weren't pictures of him with his family. I posted the few that I had from the day that his nephew signed the papers in the hospital at Christmastime. But that was all I had!

At his funeral, I spoke of the cards he got and how so many people cared about him. I said that his heart was so full of joy from total strangers. And I told the story of how he wanted to spend his money--a party for the guys at the group home with pizza and cake.

It was funny--at the funeral home, Mark's birthday was listed as November 1, 1955. All the years (decades) that we'd known him, and he always told us his birthday was on Halloween. And we never really knew how old he was--I think he said 50 for three years in a row once, and 55 a couple of times. I don't think he was sure.

At his death, we learned he was 59 and his birthday was a day later than he thought. I'm sure he just remembered Halloween being associated with his birthday and assumed it was the same day :)

Since his death, Halloween hasn't been quite the same. We stopped going to my parents' house, because it just didn't feel right. I still think of Mark every Halloween, and once in a while my family will get McDonald's strawberry milkshakes in his honor.

Mark was just special--which is a completely inadequate word, because there isn't a word to really do it justice. He loved everyone and never complained a day in his life. He even thanked the nurses who came in to poke him with shots and take his blood. (Yes, even the mean nurses!)

I can't end this without mentioning that there are SO many people in group homes and/or nursing homes that don't have family or friends that visit. They spend their days alone. Mark was one of those people until my dad started talking to him while he was on a walk one day, and because of that, my family's lives were changed forever.

Mark taught me life lessons that I never would have learned otherwise, and I'm SO grateful that I got to know him in the last five months of his life. So, I can't help but encourage all of you to take the time once in a while to visit a home and bring some joy to the patients' lives. I know they would love a visit! The days are long and boring in nursing homes (I spent LOTS of hours there, and I know). Who know, you may end up meeting someone like Mark :)

I post this to keep Mark's memory alive and as a reminder that I need to feel grateful for all that I have. Mark was grateful for instant coffee, John Wayne movies, and (sadly) cigarettes (his one real "pleasure" that he didn't know was killing him). Mark had such a simple, happy life! He didn't need social media or extravagant vacations (or any vacations at all--he never even left southeast Michigan); he didn't care about material items, technology, or 90% of the luxuries we have and take for granted.

But he was SO. HAPPY.

I need to be reminded of this sometimes. And Halloween is always a great reminder. Count your blessings!

There is just way too much to write about him in this one post. I wrote several times throughout his time in the hospital and nursing home, and even his party. You can find all of the posts about Mark here (in reverse chronological order). Enjoy life! :)

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November Goals (and Jerry's Endoscopy)

I'm writing this from the waiting room of a surgery center where Jerry is currently having an endoscopy (a tube with a camera down his throat and into his stomach to check for any abnormalities and possibly get tissue for a biopsy). I am so glad that we are (hopefully) going to know what's going on. I haven't written about it, mainly because there hasn't been a reason to, but he's been having symptoms for several months now. I guess I should say "symptom", not plural, because there is only one.

Probably about five months ago, he threw up completely randomly. He wasn't nauseous, he hadn't been drinking, hadn't eaten anything unusual... it was just totally random. We didn't think much of it, but we thought it was odd when it happened again about a week later.

After that, it was about once a week for a couple of months. Then it got more and more frequent, until now he's throwing up several times a day (or occasionally, not at all, but usually at least 1-2 times). He has no other symptoms, which is what makes it so odd. And we cannot figure out a pattern with his diet that would be causing it.

Anyway, he saw a gastroenterologist (specialist in the digestive tract) who scheduled the endoscopy to see what is going on. If they see anything abnormal, they'll take some tissue for a biopsy. I'm worried about it, even though I told him that I'm not worried and that I'm sure it's no big deal.

So, we'll see. Someone should be coming to get me when he wakes up.

This whole thing has gotten Jerry and I to talk about our health and how we are definitely not spring chickens anymore. Our age is not going to be on our side much longer when it comes to health risks. We really need to start thinking more about our health and being more proactive before we have major problems going on.

(Just as I was writing that, I was called back to see Jerry and wait for him to wake up. He was totally out of it. The doctor came in and said that there were a lot of spots of inflammation in Jerry's stomach, but no signs of cancer.

He took a biopsy to test for H. Pylori, a bacteria that could be causing his symptoms. H. Pylori, if left untreated, can go on to cause cancer later on. However, we are hoping that's what it is, because all he'll have to do is take antibiotics to get rid of it. We'll get the results in a week or two.

Of course, when we got home, he threw up two more times! I really hope we get answers soon.)

Which brings me to some goals for November...

Jerry and I would both like to make it a point to eat healthier food. And I am honestly craving it! I ate a lot of convenience foods that were easy to throw together during cross country season, because my evenings were so busy.

The Halloween candy at the store (and even after my kids went trick-or-treating) have not been tempting at ALL--which shows just how much my body is craving healthy foods. Jerry and the kids are on board, too. Of course, the kids got a ton of candy yesterday! But we'll at least be eating home cooked food for meals.

Anyways, I don't want to make November stressful with lots of goals, but there are a couple of things I'd like to focus on:

1) Eating healthier foods
2) Writing on my blog every day (I will explain my plan below)
3) Responding to comments on my blog and social media (which I'm terrible at)
4) Continue to do the 3-3-3 running (this is week five!)

Eating Healthier Foods

This is kind of vague, but I know if my mind what I consider "healthy" and "unhealthy". Basically, I want to eat more whole foods, fruits, veggies, and just things with real nutrition. I will always allow for a treat for my bedtime snack, of course! But I'd like to eat healthier meals. (I'm still not drinking alcohol--yesterday marked 10 months without a drop!)

Writing on my blog every day

As you may or may not know, November is "National Novel Writing Month" or NaNoWriMo for short. This is where participants attempt to write a 50,000 word manuscript during the month of November.

Now, I have no interest in writing a novel. However, I am always saying I'd like to write on my blog more but I just don't feel like I have anything to say. So, along with my semi-regular posts, I'm going to throw in some creative writing type of posts with ideas from a book of writing prompts that I have. The writing prompts are questions about myself or my life or ideas that have, etc.

This way, I won't have any reason not to write. Even if it's just a few paragraphs, it's something! So, I may write once a day, or, if I'm feeling ambitious, 2-3 times a day. I have more time to write in November, now that things are settling down.

Replying to comments on my blog and on social media

I'm REALLY bad about this. I read all of the comments, and I honestly have the intention of sitting down to write proper responses, but I usually avoid the computer unless I'm writing a blog post. I usually read comments from my phone, but I HATE typing on my phone (I type with one finger), so I wait until I'm on my computer to write longer things.

However, I appreciate the comments and feedback SO much, and since you guys spend the time writing and posting comments, I feel like the least I can do is respond! (So please don't take it personally when I don't reply--I am just really bad at making time for it, and I get distracted so easily once I'm on the computer! I am going to try my best to reply.)

Continue with 3-3-3 running

I'm surprising myself that I've kept up with it! I've done two runs this week, and I plan to do the third tomorrow, so that will be a total of five weeks down. Two more months until I hit three! I never did write a recap of week 4, so I'll wait and write a recap of weeks 4 and 5 together this weekend.

All-in-all, I think these are very do-able goals for November, and I'm actually pretty excited about it (especially about writing every day, now that I have prompts to turn to and write some off-the-beaten-path things).

Happy November! (I just realized it's Daylight Savings Time, and we turn our clocks back tonight, which means extra sleeping time--yay)

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