January 11, 2023

Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 85

I wore my Bipolar AF shirt today in honor of meeting my new psychiatrist, haha.

This has been a very trying few days for me, to say the least. To recap: I ran out of my bipolar medication on Sunday. I had been trying all week to get a refill but there was miscommunication between my doctor and the pharmacy. When the script was finally ready at the pharmacy, they told me it was going to be $300-something. My co-pay is usually $30!

After some more back and forth with the doctor, the pharmacy, and the insurance company, it turns out that the insurance company no longer covers that medication so I'd have to pay out of pocket. I looked it up on all the discount sites that I could find, and the cheapest I could find it was for about $240.

I was upset, to say the least. The medication regimen I've been on for the last six years has been working really well for me and I didn't want to change that up. There isn't another medication with the same formula, so my options were to either pay the exorbitant cost out of pocket or to switch to a different medication.

Here's the kicker: my psychiatrist retired last month! So, no changes could be made to my medication until I saw a new doctor. I had an appointment scheduled with him on the 18th, but since I'd been forced to quit my medication cold turkey, I couldn't wait that long. The office had a cancellation this morning at 10:00, so I gratefully accepted that!

I really like the new doctor and we had a good getting-to-know-each-other session. He said that there isn't a medication that has the same formula as my previous one, but he could prescribe something similar and we'll see how it works out. I'll go back in a month to discuss (unless an issue comes up sooner). He said the biggest thing to look out for is if I start showing signs of hypomania.

So, if I start writing all sorts of new big, outlandish plans, and start working on a dozen new projects without finishing them, maybe give me a warning ;)

My weigh-in was NOT good today. Over the last three days, I've eaten terribly and haven't tracked my food or anything. I was super stressed out about my medication, and not taking it has made me feel kind of down. It's a medication that I notice if I miss even a single dose--I can tell within a few hours if I forgot to take it, because I get a sort of buzzing feeling in my body. I'm meticulous about taking it every single day.

So, I just haven't been feeling myself. I'm not using that as an excuse for overeating, but it definitely played a big factor in it. I'm an emotional eater, and I've been pretty emotional this week. The scale was up--AGAIN--and I'm not happy about it--AGAIN. I just really hope that this trend STOPS ALREADY.

At 144.0, I am now at the very top of my weight range in the "normal" BMI category. And 11 pounds over the top of my "comfortable" range.

I'm having a hard time not telling myself, "I told you so--of course you gained it back, you always do. Why would this time be any different?". I know that it's not productive to think that way, but I can't help the thoughts that come into my head.

Now that Jerry is going to be working diligently on losing his dad bod (see yesterday's post), I think it may help me as well. Doing it together is always easier than going at it alone.

The hardest part about this for me is that I worked SO DAMN HARD to get this weight off over the last year and a half. It would be completely ridiculous of me to let myself just gain it right back. All of my hard work will have been for nothing.

I feel like I just need a few good days under my belt to start seeing some progress (even if I don't "see" the progress, I know I will at least feel more confident when eating well). I need to catch up on my running, too--in order to reach my year-long goal of 500 miles, I'll need to run just under 10 miles a week. I've only run six miles so far this year! So I'm already behind (but it's certainly not too late to catch up).

Now that I've got a solution (at least temporarily) for my medication issue, I'm going to try really hard this week to at least lose the weight I gained since last week. I know I sound like a broken record, but it's all I can really say right now. At least I haven't lost hope yet!


  1. I hope you have a good run today!

  2. During Covid I lost a lot of weight and got really fit. I weighed 114 and felt amazing. I kept it off for a long time and then one slice of banana bread a year ago took me on a binge that I can’t stop. I’ve tried consultants, programs, recovery groups. $$. I run too and do yoga and ride. I can’t make it more than a week. I can’t stop. Stress definitely doesn’t help either. I think it’s decades of dieting. It has made me a binger and completely obsessed with food and weight. I’ve tried giving up and accepting and eating whatever in the hopes that my obsession will go away. That didn’t work. I’m just going to keep trying to not eat junk food. Fingers crossed. Thank you for posting your struggles. It is real! I’m sure you know her, but chef AJ really helped me lose the weight. Calorie density. I believe in it.

  3. Sending all the good vibes that the new med works. It's quite ridiculous that your insurance won't cover it, but here we are: medical stuff in the USA. As always, thanks for your honesty. It helps so much!

  4. We sold our antique mall that has 4 floors, where I've been doing my vertical workout the past 4 years. Anyway, now without that workout, I've already gained weight. My thing now is to go back to dreadmill, and I'm just dreading it so bad.

  5. I always find if I just "stay on track" for 3 days, my mind resets and and feel better to stay on track. I am 148 and 5'5 (so my BMI is literally is just under overweight) I have to say, I tried like hell to stay near 135 but my body resisted and I finally stopped fighting my body. I was thick/obese/overweight most of my life. I accepted I am meant to have a little extra on me. I now am totally happy and having a much easier time maintaining 148-150. I focus more now on strength and working out and I really enjoy intermittent fasting as it works for me. Do you think you need a new weight goal? And BMI never tells the whole picture. It's such a poor way of showing our true health so please ignore that. Our waist size and muscle mass is a MUCH better indicator of health. Stop beating yourself up! I really would relook at your weight loss goals since you seem to have a hard time maintaining a lower weight. Our body usually is good at telling us where it is comfortable. If you force it to go where it isn't comfortable it will send those signals to your brain to eat or binge. You got this.


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