Tuesday, June 28, 2011
While my kids were in their Safety City class, I decided to go to a local bike shop to possibly start looking for a bike to buy. I've been thinking about it ever since I started reading Lori's blog at Finding Radiance. She is the biking queen! I was super nervous walking into the shop, and when I got in there, I was so intimidated and freaked out that I just turned around and left, hopefully before anyone saw me.
This is going to sound weird, but I'll try and explain: I feel like I don't deserve to be in "athletic" shops (running, biking), because "I'm fat". And even though my BODY isn't fat anymore, my MIND still is, and I feel like everyone in the shop would look at me and think, "What is that fat girl doing in here? She can't be a runner (or biker, or whatever athlete)." Now, I know this sounds ridiculous, but my mind is a little fucked up from the weight loss still. I even feel like this when I run races. I feel like a phony, trying to fit in with "real" runners. I feel the same way when I am shopping for clothes in the junior's section or even the misses section. I feel like I should be shopping in the plus size section, and I feel like everyone is staring at me thinking I'm delusional to be looking at small clothes like that. Now, I'm not implying whatsoever that fat people shouldn't be allowed to shop in running or biking stores! I'm just trying to explain how I feel when I go in those stores.
Anyway, enough of the serious talk. When I got home, I started working on some weight loss comparison photos for a future blog post. July 7th will mark the day one year ago that I "officially" reached 100 pounds lost. I could have sworn it was June 30th, but I just double-checked and apparently it was July 7th. Either way, it is a special day, because I will have maintained 100+ pounds lost for a YEAR. The odds of doing that were very much against me, but I managed. Hopefully I can come up with an insightful post for the anniversary!
Went for a short 3-mile run today. It was hot--almost 80 degrees and very sunny, but it's also super windy, so it didn't feel too bad. I also had negative splits for the first time in a while...
Later, we went to the boys' t-ball game. I took a picture of my husband, and I realized that when I zoomed in, I could see my reflection in his sunglasses...
Do you feel intimidated shopping at athletic stores? I hope to get past this someday. Sooner, rather than later, because I really want to buy a bike!