Weekend Wrap-Up: Thanksgiving

As I write this, it's after 2:00 AM on Sunday. I am not the slightest bit tired, and I suspect I may be headed for a hypomanic episode. Last night, I slept from 2:00 until 6:00, and felt totally fine (well-rested) all day.

Anyway, I haven't stuck with the regular posts this week, because of Thanksgiving. It kind of threw everything off schedule, and for some reason, Thursday felt like Sunday. So the whole weekend, I felt like everything was a little off.

Thanksgiving was fun! We went to my parents' house, along with with Becky and Luke (Brian was working), and Nathan. My mom made a big turkey dinner (turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, corn, green bean casserole, rolls, and cranberry sauce). Noah made a pumpkin roll, Eli made pumpkin pie, and I made a pecan pie for dessert.

As I've mentioned, my very favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner is my mom's sweet potato casserole. If I could only pick one item to have for Thanksgiving, this would be it. But I made up a plate to include a variety:

It was delicious! I had a second helping of sweet potato casserole, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. And then I was too full to even want dessert, which you KNOW means I was exceptionally full. I did take a slice of pecan pie home for later, though.

My very favorite part of Thanksgiving actually wasn't related to food at all (shocking, right?!). After dinner, we were all just sitting around chatting and watching the football game (I was watching Luke, which is way more entertaining than football). Jerry was playing with him on the floor when Luke totally got the baby giggles. Which turned into baby belly laughs.

Baby belly laughs are the absolute BEST. I bet you can't watch this video without laughing along; or, at the very least, smiling. Make sure the sound is turned on :)

I can't even describe how much I love being an aunt! It makes me wish I had understood how quickly these days pass when my kids were this age, but now I have a whole new appreciation for enjoying every moment.

Lately, I've been really into sewing for some reason. When I was at Salvation Army a few weeks ago, I saw a pair of jeans that I loved--they had cute fabric patches in random places. I tried them on, and really didn't like the way they looked on me (they were "pouchy" in the front). But, I took pictures of them in the fitting room, because I figured I could make a similar pair myself.

They ended up turning out pretty cute! I thought a pair of bell bottoms jeans I had would work really well, but I was nervous to use them--they are my favorite pair of jeans, and I didn't want to ruin them.  So, I laid out the patches on the jeans several times before finally deciding to go through with it. The result was as good as I hoped. I think the bell bottom jeans were a good choice.

It really made me want to do some more sewing projects! So, I went on Pinterest and pinned several things I could work on. I have a couple of bags of clothes I was going to donate, but I think I'll go through them and try some upcycling projects.

I didn't do any shopping on "Black Friday"; but then again, I never do. My mom unexpectedly called and told me that my dad was able to get in to see his doctor right away, which was good--he's been having problems with his heart again. (His heart goes into atrial fibrillation once in a while, and it's extremely painful for him.) Usually it only lasts hours, but this time it went on for five days!

The doctor was worried about the possibility of him having a stroke, so she sent him to the ER. He was admitted to the hospital, which was kind of worrisome. The kids and I went to visit him at the hospital this morning, and we ended up staying all afternoon. My dad's heart rate was able to be controlled with the meds they gave him, and he's supposed to see a specialist this week. I really hope they are able to fix the problem permanently.

Shortly after we got home from the hospital, Caitlin arrived. She's been in Detroit with her boyfriend all week, and he went home today. She's staying with me until Monday! We don't have any major plans, but it'll be fun to be able to catch up in person. The last time I saw her was in April when I was in Boston.

I have only gotten in two runs this week. I may run again tomorrow, but with Caitlin visiting, I'm not sure--I'm not worried about it. I'll try to recap the runs tomorrow. I'm tired now (it's after 3:00)! Time to finally go to bed :)

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving weekend!

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Weight Loss Success: How Caitlin Lost 240 Pounds!

My friend Caitlin from Boston (who I mention frequently on my blog) is in town this week for Thanksgiving. She and her boyfriend, Joe, are visiting Joe's brother, who lives just outside of Detroit. Once Joe heads back to Boston, Caitlin is going to come stay with me for a few days to visit.

Last night, Joe and Caitlin came down to go out to dinner with Jerry and me. We went to El Camino in Toledo, which has amazing food and even better margaritas. I haven't been drinking much this year, but I cannot pass up margaritas from El Camino!

I posted a photo from last night on Instagram with a caption mentioning that Caitlin lost 240 pounds, and a few people asked about her story. I posted her story back in 2013, right after I'd met her in person; but since it's been so long, I thought I'd share it again with an update.

First, I have to say that Caitlin is probably the sweetest, most humble, generous, and kind person I've ever met. I am always telling her that she needs to do stuff for herself more, because she puts everybody else in her life first.

I met Caitlin through my blog in 2012. She had written me an email, and mentioned that she lost "well over a hundred pounds". It wasn't until a year later that I met her in person in Chicago (when I ran the Chicago Marathon) and learned that "well over a hundred pounds" actually meant "240 pounds"! When she said the number, I asked her to repeat it, because I thought I heard her incorrectly.

I was stunned, and had a million questions for her. Like I said, she is very humble and has never really gone public with her story (other than on my blog). But I think she's amazing, and I am excited to share it again :)

Here is Caitlin's story, in her words:

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"In August 2009, I weighed close to 400 pounds. Not many people in my life know just how heavy I was; looking at me, they could tell I was big, but I never let anyone know the exact number. Even now, I really don't want to write it: 383 pounds!

For as long as I can remember I had been overweight. I remember feeling self conscious about it starting in 4th grade.  I played sports when I was younger, so even though I was heavy, I was not obese. I stopped playing sports in middle school when some of my friends told me that I ran "funny", and would never be able to make the cut for the high school sports teams.  So I went from being somewhat active to pretty much totally sedentary, other then the dreaded gym classes at school.

There was no medical reason for my weight; I just ate too much, and didn't move enough. I have always enjoyed cooking, especially baking, and loved to eat the fruit of my labor. In high school, I went on my first diet--a self-created one of far too few calories and way too much exercise. I dropped over 30 pounds but quickly gained it back as I was miserable and hungry all the time.

Throughout high school, I tried different diets and had a gym membership I used sporadically, but I continued to gain weight. When I graduated high school, I was a size 22/24. I couldn't tell you what I weighed, because I refused to get on a scale.

I went to my college orientation and remember being so embarrassed about my size. I have always been shy and more of an introvert, so I had trouble meeting new people, and my weight made it even worse. I overheard one of my roommates saying something about how she knew she would be stuck with the "fat, pathetic girl". I decided not to attend that college and took a year off.

In that year of staying home, while all my friends from high school were away at college, I gained even more weight. I didn't know what to do with myself outside of a part-time desk job. I attended a college closer to home, so I could commute and avoid a lot of the social situations that made me so uncomfortable.

I knew I was eating too much and I knew I was far larger than most people (including my four brothers!).  Other members of my family struggled with their weight; but I was, by far, the largest.  I tried different diets; I would join--then quit--the gym; and I remained miserable.  I was in my 20's and supposed to be out living my life but instead I was hiding from everyone I knew. I wouldn't even attend most family events because I was so ashamed of myself.

There was no big "Ah-ha" moment for me, and no health crisis, but in August 2009, I decided I had to change my life; otherwise, I would never change. I changed my diet, but rather than a radical overhaul, I decided to make gradual changes. I set my daily calorie limit to 1400 and stuck to it. I totally eliminated soda--I had been drinking 4+ cups a day. I did not want people to see me exercising so I bought the Biggest Loser DVDs, and would walk in a cemetery near my home. I knew working out at the gym did not work for me.

Over the first five months, I lost over 60 pounds and had worked my way up to walking 8 miles every single day.  I wanted to incorporate more vegetables into my diet; I ate a salad every night at dinner and had lettuce and onions on my sandwich for lunch, but thought I could include more.  I starting cooking (and still do) things like Quinoa Zucchini Casserole, farro with ground turkey and vegetables, or homemade chicken vegetable soup with healthy grains like wheat berries, brown rice and farro rather than pasta.

I came up with a rotation of healthy meals that I loved--I cook a big batch, divide it into servings, and have my meal ready all week long. Throughout 2010, I continued my daily walking, DVDs, and added weight lifting routines I had found in various fitness magazines.  I also started to incorporate brief bursts of running in my walking--making sure the no one was around when I did, because the comments from my friends still echoed in my head.

I fell in love with running, and kept increasing the distance until I had run a full mile.  Once I hit 170 pounds, I plateaued; I could not get my weight to go down. I was running a couple miles at a time, and working up to more, but my weight would not budge. My brother suggested I try P90X workouts, and while I did not think I would be able to keep up with it, I committed to the 90-day routine.

I fell in love with P90X, and although it was the hardest thing I had ever done, I stuck with it. By December 2010, I had hit what was my goal of 155 pounds; but I was still miserable, because I had loose skin on my arms, stomach, chest, and legs. I felt like a giant deflated balloon.  I refused to wear t-shirts or shorts because I was so embarrassed of the excess skin.

I also still could not see myself as a "normal weight" person; with all the skin hanging off my body, I still felt huge. I looked into skin removal surgery, but it was expensive, and I was nervous about having surgery.

I continued running. My older brother convinced me to enter a 5K; I finished in just under 30 minutes and fell in love with racing. In September 2011, I ran my first half-marathon, and loved it!  I decided to try again in November 2011, and after learning more about half-marathon running, managed to shave 16 minutes off my time.

In late 2011, after maintaining my weight loss for almost a year, I met with a surgeon, and scheduled my skin removal surgery for January 2012. I had the surgery (the doctor removed 12 pounds of skin from my body!!!) and after a long recovery, resumed my running in April of 2012.  I ran two more half marathons that year, and entered a lottery for a full marathon, figuring if I was selected, then it was "meant to be".

I was selected, and ran my first marathon in October of 2012. After completing the marathon, I wrote Katie to tell her how inspirational I found her. I had originally found her blog when researching skin removal surgery, and continued reading. I was following her marathon training while training for mine.

I am so glad I sent that email, because she invited me to join the Ragnar SoCal team--getting to know 11 new amazing people! I love to enter and run races. I ran my second marathon in Chicago last month, and have done mud runs, half-marathons and 10Ks.  I am trying to get up the nerve to do a Tough Mudder but jumping into dumpsters of ice water and possibly being shocked by live wires has deterred me so far!

I have maintained my weight of 145 lbs since recovering from surgery - maintenance isn't always easy, but if my weight goes up by more than 2 pounds I look at what I have been doing and adjust so I do not continue to gain.  I taught myself healthy habits throughout my weight loss journey, and continue with them today."

UPDATE 11/22/2017:

"Hi Runs for Cookies readers!

Katie asked if I would provide a quick update of the past three years since my guest post.

My weight has remained mostly stable; recently, it has gone up about seven pounds and I am working on getting back to where I am happiest. However, I have maintained my weight within a 5-7 pound range all these years.

With my boyfriend, Joe, who runs as well!

I eat a pretty healthy diet and like to stick to a rotation of healthy breakfasts and lunches that I enjoy. I feel best and perform better athletically when I choose whole grains, fruits, and veggies. I still love to bake and would rather enjoy a "real" treat once in a while than to eat the junk I used to fill up on.

Almost two years ago, I unexpectedly lost my father (who I was very close with) and I was devastated--it was a very hard time for me. Instead of using food for comfort, I used running as a form of therapy to help me get through it.

Looking back, I see now that I was running too much and pushing too hard while not fueling properly. I was pushing hard in training and races which helped me to momentarily escape the pain of losing my dad. I hit PRs in the 5K (21:24), 10K (49:23), and half-marathon (1:47:11); but in doing so, I ran myself ragged and lost the joy I found in running.

My half-marathon PR race

I continued to run but without goals or any real speed work. I am working on getting to a better place and have started to enjoy running again. I look forward to training hard again, but this time making sure to take care of myself at the same time.

Even with a break from running, I still continued with yoga and weight training. Yoga helps keep my mind clear; and I look and feel better with regular weight training. I am not a beach body coach and have no stake in the company, but I love their workout programs--anything Tony Horton does is my favorite. P90X and 22 Minute Hard Corps are awesome. I do not, however, use any of the performance line or their shakes--the workouts are awesome enough.

Getting to meet Tony Horton!

Working as a cross country coach for a middle school also helped me find my love of running and the joy in it again. Running with the kids and seeing their joy and pride at working hard and improving their times made running fun again.

I, like Katie, am still very happy with my skin removal surgery and would do it again. It made a huge difference in my quality of life and confidence.

The last three years have had many ups and downs for me, and I experienced the hardest loss of my life. To this day, I still have difficult days and days where being in a world without my father seems impossible.

I am glad that through the weight loss and years of maintenance, I have learned healthier ways to deal with my emotions. To anyone struggling or wanting to lose weight, it is hard work but if I can do it on my own anyone can!"

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I am so so so proud to call Caitlin a friend. She has now been maintaining her weight for seven years! And not just the "Katie kind of maintaining", where it goes up and down by 30 pounds, hahaha. To lose 240 pounds on her own and maintain a 5-7 pound range for 7 years is truly an anomaly.

Speaking of, my Wednesday Weigh-in for today:

Up two and a half pounds or so since last week. I blame it all on the Mexican food and margaritas last night! ;)

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RECIPE: Taco-Style Lentils & Rice

I came across a similar recipe somewhere (maybe SparkPeople?) when I was losing the weight, and I absolutely loved it! This recipe has a ton of fiber, it's super filling, and you can use it in several different ways. We like to eat it out of a bowl topped with cheese, sour cream, guacamole, etc. You could use it in place of taco meat. You could use it to top nachos. I've even used it to stuff green peppers!

Click here for a printer-friendly PDF

Ingredients:

3/4 cup dry lentils
3/4 cup uncooked white rice*
3-1/2 cups beef broth or veggie broth for vegan
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Combine all ingredients in a medium-sized pot and bring to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to low. (Don’t open the lid or stir while it’s cooking!) Simmer on low until the lentils and rice are cooked, when all the water is absorbed (about 20-25 minutes). If there is still water left, increase the heat and remove the lid to evaporate some of the excess water.

Serve topped with cheese, sour cream, lettuce, tomato, etc. Or use as a filling for tacos, a topping for nachos, stuff in it green peppers (like below), etc.

*You can use brown rice, but it takes much longer to cook than the lentils do. I would recommend cooking it separately in beef broth, and then adding it to the dish afterward. You’ll have to reduce the amount of broth in the lentils by roughly half.

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Awareness of My Bipolar Symptoms

It's so interesting how aware I have gotten of my moods ever since my bipolar diagnosis. I never used to think much about my moods at all, except that they were either comfortable or uncomfortable. I was happy or depressed.

At first, for a few months after my diagnosis, I was constantly waiting for the symptoms of depression to come back. I had gone through such a long period of depression that I was terrified the bipolar medication wouldn't work, and I'd be depressed forever.

Once I was confident that it was working well, I'm pretty sure I was hypomanic during the summer. The summer went by in a blur, and, in retrospect, I had all of the symptoms of it. It was so odd to me, because I am usually depressed all summer. But again, I was just happy to not be depressed. And I didn't have any of the negative symptoms of (hypo)mania (I'll specify those later).

Over the past few months, I feel like I am finally leveling out. I only have a couple of the hypomanic symptoms, and you need to have three or more for it to be hypomania.

According to the DSM-V, a hypomanic episode must meet the following criteria:

A. A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood and abnormally and persistently increased activity or energy, lasting at least 4 consecutive days and present most of the day, nearly every day.

B. During the period of mood disturbance and increased energy and activity, three (or more) of the following symptoms (four if the mood is only irritable) have persisted, represent a noticeable change from usual behavior, and have been present to a significant degree:

1. Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
2. Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours sleep)
3. More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking.
4. Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing.
5. Distractibility (attention too-easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli), as reported or observed.
6. Increase in goal-directed activity, or psychomotor agitation (such as pacing, inability to sit still, pulling on skin or clothing).
7. Excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences.

C. The episode is associated with an unequivocal change in functioning that is uncharacteristic of the individual when not symptomatic. 

D. The disturbance in mood and the change in functioning are observable by others.

E. The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning or to necessitate hospitalization. If there are psychotic features, the episode is, by definition, manic.

F. The episode is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, other treatment).

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On the opposite side, other than be unable to make decisions, I don't have any of the symptoms of depression, either (I'm SO glad). A couple of days ago, I was really worried that I was getting depressed because I felt lonely, sad, and completely unable to make decisions (something that happens when I'm depressed, and it's super frustrating). It's hard not to panic at the slightest negative symptom.

But when looking at the criteria, other than indecisiveness, I actually don't have any of the symptoms of depression. And I have felt back to normal the last couple of days. So, I must have just been having a bad day. What a shocker.

A Major Depressive Episode must meet Criteria A-C:

A. Five or more of the following symptoms have to have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure.  (Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly attributable to another medical condition)

1. Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as reported by self (i.e. I feel sad or empty) or others (i.e. he appears tearful) Note: in children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.
2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.
3. Significant weight loss or gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.  Note: in children, consider failure to make expected weight gains.
4. Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day (difficulty or delay in falling asleep or excessive sleep).
5. Psychomotor agitation (such as pacing, inability to sit still, pulling on skin or clothing) or retardation (such as slowed thinking, speech or body movement) nearly every day that can be observed by others.
6. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
7. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive, inappropriate, or delusional guilt nearly every day.
8. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.
9. Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide. 

B. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

C. The episode is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition.

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I am hoping I will eventually get used to this. When I was unaware that my symptoms were actually that of bipolar rather than major depression, I just thought all of my mood symptoms were part of my personality, and that's one of the things I hated about myself.

Now that I know that there is an explanation for my symptoms, and not just that I'm a terrible person, I feel so much more in control. I am able to think more rationally rather than emotionally--no matter what my mood. 

I actually wouldn't mind the hypomania so much if it didn't come with a couple of big drawbacks: mainly irritability and anxiety.

The irritability is due to heightened senses--mostly touch and sound. I feel like all the nerves in my body are slowly burning, and just touching the surface of my skin makes me extremely uncomfortable. My clothes, or even the air on my skin is irritating. My sheets might feel like sandpaper, when they are usually SO soft and nice.

Funny example: When I was running one day, my hair was in a braid and it kept slapping against my back. The feel of it was driving me crazy (no pun intended). When I was done running, without hesitation, I walked into the house, grabbed a pair of scissors, and cut off my braid. Hahaha! That'll solve that, I guess ;)  (And still, bipolar never crossed my mind)

Also, sounds are so much more intense. I will hear every little noise: from the humming of the refrigerator, to the cat breathing across the room, to the clock ticking, to the breeze outside--all at the same time and very pronounced. It makes it very difficult to concentrate on anything. Again, this causes irritation.

I hadn't felt these symptoms at all since I started my meds for bipolar, and it has gotten to the point where I almost forget what that feels like. But recently, I've noticed that a few things are bothering me again. Noises or sensations, particularly.

When this happens, I tend to feel panicky. I wonder if this is the start of another episode. In this case, it would be hypomania; but just the negative parts of it.

It's kind of interesting, because it can be compared to weight loss. It's been seven year since I've lost the weight, but I STILL feel on-edge about gaining back all of it. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and one wrong stop will set me in the direction to gaining 125 pounds.

It's similar with the bipolar symptoms. Now that I'm doing so well on the medication, I feel like I have to just tiptoe around to try and not cause any waves of mania or depression.

Something that has helped me a lot is reading memoirs of people with bipolar. I have had so many "Aha!" moments while reading. "Ohhhh, that's why noises bother me so much" or "Other people have meltdowns over something stupid like their husbands' buying the wrong brand of such-and-such from the store?"

I tend to let one tiny little thing ruin my entire day, and I hate that. In the moment, I know that I'm doing it, too! I just don't have the strength to stop it.

Lately, I've been eating more and sleeping more, which isn't necessarily a bad thing; but I keep hoping that it's not the start of depression. There is such a fine line between depression and hypomania that it's hard to find (and stay at) the correct balance.

I'm going to talk about this with my psychiatrist next time I see him. I'm not sure what else he can do. The hypomanic symptoms don't last day after day--I just notice it once in a while.

Anyway, I think I am just hyper aware of everything going on in my body. Each emotion seems like it should be hugely significant, but it's really just a normal emotion. I've always been either depressed or hypomanic, so I don't really know what it feels like to be in between. Maybe this is it!

Regardless, I am getting so much more in tune with my body, and I think that will help in the long run. Today, for example, I was ravenous (which tends to happen on the first day or two after I start my period) and I just couldn't get satiated. I started to feel bad for eating so much, but then I realized that my body really did want more food. I wasn't just making it up.

So, I indulged a little (or a lot). Hopefully, tomorrow my appetite will be back to normal, and if I gained any weight, it'll come off. This tends to happen just about every month, and it always works out. But again, I have that catastrophic thinking, as my therapist calls it--where I assume the worst. I've been working on that in therapy, so I'm trying to think of other outcomes that are more realistic.

Well, after eight months of feeling really good, I'm starting to have the symptoms that worry me a little. Nothing drastic yet, but a little naggy. I knew this day would come! Medications work well, but they don't cure the problem. I'm still going to have periods of depression and of hypomania. But this time around, I feel like I have a better handle on it. Now I know what to look for, and what to expect. I also know it won't last forever. Recognizing and being aware of what is happening has helped wonders!

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Getting Back into the Running Groove

I haven't even looked at my computer in two days--I feel like should have a ton to catch up on, but it's actually been pretty uneventful. So, I figured that since I'm running again, I could do a "weekly wrap up" of my runs, instead of writing about them each day like I used to.

Writing about the running 5-6 times a week was redundant for sure! So, I think looking at it week by week will be interesting (at least for me) to see in one small nutshell.

I made the commitment to start running again (or at least give it a trial, and afterward, I decided to continue). The fact that I have made myself "determined" instead of "motivated" has made a world of difference. By stating my determination and committing to certain goals, it's a no-brainer. There are no questions, I just do it.

Determination is running in the rain in Michigan in November

As far as goals go: I don't have any distance or time goals. My only goal is to get back into running and not train so much or so hard that I hate it. Thomas calls that a "hobby jogger" and that is exactly what sounds good to me right now!

Yes, I would like to get faster; but I don't really have a specific number in mind, nor do I want to train for a specific number. I just hope that by running again, my body will naturally get faster at it. Distance wise, I'm happy with just running three miles at a time right now. Maybe once it doesn't feel so challenging (as I get in better shape), I will want to add a little distance; but for now, three miles is good.

Frequency: I am going to commit to running three times per week. When I've said that I'll just run "when I feel like it", I never do it! Hahaha, it's very rare that I want to run. (However, I'm usually okay with it once I start.) It doesn't matter what days I run, I'm just going to commit to three times per week (Monday through Sunday).

Today was my fifth run back at it. I had a great milestone today, too! I will write about that in a minute. But first, here is the recap:

Despite the fact that I'm not training, I still like looking at the data just to see if/when/how much I'm improving each week. After last week's runs, I am really surprised at how quickly I'm improving. During my first back at it, I had to work really hard to get a sub-11:00 mile, and today I ran a 9:38 mile! I didn't expect to see a sub-10:00 for a long time.

It was raining today, and the last thing I wanted to do was go run in the rain in November. But, per my determination and commitment, I dressed for the rain and headed out. Within half a mile, I was soaked!

Because I wasn't thrilled about running in the rain, I deliberately covered my Garmin with my sleeve so that I wouldn't be tempted to look and try to better my pace from last time. I just wanted to get through it, and even try to enjoy it. And I did! There were a few times where I forgot I was running, and I just got lost in my thoughts.

Running right now is hard, though. An 11:30 pace feels just as hard as a 10:00 pace, so I never really know how fast I'm running. It's funny--I used to be able to tell almost to the very second what my pace was when I was running.

Being so out of practice, I've forgotten quite a bit. I used to know each mile marker like the back of my hand, too--I could tell you the exact moment that my Garmin would beep, signaling a mile. Now, I just have a vague idea about where the mile markers are. It's kind of fun that way!

Even though it feels super hard right now, it's nice to be back to running. It's exciting to see my improvement (especially how quickly it's coming back to me!) and I like not feeling pressured to hit specific goals.

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Today, we babysat Luke and he's staying overnight. He is eight months old now, and this is my FAVORITE age for babies! He is so so so cute. And literally the most content baby on the planet.

A few days ago, I went into Spencer's to get a barbell for my ear, and I happened to see a baby fedora. I nearly died. Of course, I just had to buy it for Luke!

My kids always come up with silly things to do with Luke, and today they were planning to set up a long train of dominos so he could watch them knock it over. Luke just sat and watched them, but it wasn't working out so well because Joey was all over the place. So, Noah and Eli decided to "outline" Luke with the dominos.

We were all cracking up, because the poor kid just sat there, still as can be, and let Noah and Eli have their fun at his expense ;) They put up about three layers before Luke finally scattered them. I love seeing the boys play together--I'm so glad that my kids finally have a cousin!

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Weight Loss Wednesday: Did Skin Removal Surgery Live Up to My Expectations?

Yesterday (well, Tuesday, since I'm posting this a day late!) marked the six-year anniversary of my lower body lift (excess skin removal after weight loss). If you're not familiar, and want to read more, here is a page with all the info and posts where I documented the process. In June, I posted an update with new photos and all that, so I won't get into that again now (here is the link to that post).

Instead, I thought I would share about the things that changed as well as the things that didn't change after having the surgery. Before going into something this huge, we obviously have expectations. So, did the surgery live up to mine?

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Cosmetic Expectations     

I would like to say that the main reason I wanted the surgery was entirely because of the problems that come along with loose skin (rashes, inconveniently having to "tuck" your skin into your clothes, etc.). But honestly, my main motivation for the surgery was to feel better about how my skin looked.

Being overweight my whole life, I had never had a flat stomach; and even after I was in really good shape, I had a large drape of skin covering my tight-under-there-somewhere abdomen. I hated the way it looked; and even though I knew I'd have a scar, and my stretch marks were still going to be visible, I just wanted to get rid of the skin.

After the surgery, my abdomen looks pretty flat (when my weight is at goal). The skin is still slightly loose, but the only way to correct that would have been to have a vertical incision down my midline, and I knew I didn't want that.

The lower body lift doesn't do anything to fix the inner thighs, which is why I have so much loose skin there (it's worse than it looks in the photo). But I knew going into the surgery that my thighs wouldn't change, so I won't even get into that here.

One other thing that hadn't crossed my mind before surgery was that I might look asymmetrical after the surgery. I had a lower body lift, but I didn't have an upper body lift. So, I still have lots of loose skin up there--my arms, of course, but also underneath my armpits and across my back. My upper body looks a little bigger than my lower body now. And the sizes might be a little off, too. I wear size 4 jeans, but typically a size 6 on top.

Overall, though, I am thrilled with the results! I don't feel comfortable enough to bare my belly in public (I still have stretch marks and loose skin in other areas). One of the expectations that I had hoped for was to be able to wear a bikini in public. I actually did do this when we went to Punta Cana. I wasn't even at my goal weight at the time! But I adjusted and I felt proud. But my body hasn't seen a bikini since--maybe I'll do it again one day, when I'm feeling brave. Or in a whole other country where I know no one. (Here is the post about my bikini wearing experience).

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Comfort Expectations     

The secondary reason I wanted the surgery was because the excess skin was very uncomfortable. I had to tuck it into my pants, and then it made my pants look weird in front. And running? Ugh. Running with excess skin on my abdomen can only be described like running without a bra--can you imagine running with boobs just flapping everywhere? (Haha! That visual...)

Because of this, I had to wear very tight spandex bottoms--either capris or running tights. The spandex held everything tight against me, so it wouldn't bounce (kind of like a sports bra, only for my abdomen). The spandex wasn't very attractive with my skin crammed in there, so a lot of times, I would wear something else over it. And that was hot in the summer!

You can see in this picture all of the skin in front that I had to squeeze in there, from hip to hip.

Speaking of summer, getting sweaty when loose skin compacted in spandex is basically a rash waiting to happen. I did get rashes both under the "apron" of skin as well as in my belly button. I actually used Destin (baby rash cream!) to make it feel better. The surgery resolved this entire problem. I can wear whatever I'd like to run in, except for shorts--see the "Clothing Expectations" below.

My expectations were high as far as comfort goes. I just wanted to stop getting rashes, stop feeling the skin bounce around when running, and stop having to tuck my skin into my clothes. The only reason I give this 4.5 out of 5 starts is the minor downside to the comfort factor: I still have areas of numbness, particularly on my hips. My abdomen feels fine, back and butt feel good. It's just the outer part of my hips that feel mildly numb. A small trade-off, though, in comparison.

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Clothing Expectations     

The lower body lift is just to remove the excess skin from the abdomen and backside. Because I wasn't having the excess skin on my legs removed, my expectations were only for that of my hips, butt, and thighs.

(If you picture the surgeon cutting an incision all the way around your mid-abdomen, and another circumferential incision on your very low abdomen, you would be left with a belt of skin in the middle. The surgeon removes that belt, and then pulls the top skin down and the bottom skin up until they meet together, and that's where the incisions are glued together.)

Side Note: I knew I still wouldn't be able to wear shorts after this surgery. My expectations were solely for the abdomen. Shorts have always been a problem for me. When I was obese, my thighs rubbed together so much that I would chafe very easily. When I lost the weight, I was left with lots of loose skin on my legs, particularly on my upper inner thighs.

Even if the cosmetic part of my loose thigh skin didn't bother me, running (or even walking) in shorts is extremely uncomfortable! My thigh skin bounces all over the place (again, think of running without a bra). So, shorts are not an option for me. I can wear longer shorts (about knee length) or capris, but nothing much shorter than that. (I chose not to have the thigh surgery for a few reasons, but who knows?--possibly in the future)

After my lower body lift surgery, when getting dressed I still have to do a little adjusting in the thigh area. Usually, when jeans fit my thighs, they are too big in the waist. And when they fit my waist, they are too small in the thighs. I've found that when I wear low-rise pants, I am constantly tugging at them to stay up, even though the hips and waist are fine. So, now I prefer mid-rise pants.

These jeans were the first I wanted to wear after surgery. I LOVED them, but it was hard to tuck my skin in there, so I had a big muffin top. Same with the shirt--I couldn't wear it without my loose skin showing. I was thrilled when I could wear these!

(I actually just learned a technique for taking in the waist of jeans just slightly, so I'm going to practice on a few pairs and hopefully that will help solve it as well.)

I mention this so that others are aware that their clothes may fit differently afterward, even if it's not directly related to the part that is operated on (like my thighs). My thighs are now what give me problems picking out pants, especially low-rise jeans.

Still, though, every time I put on a pair of jeans, feel kind of amazed that I don't have to tuck my abdomen in, or have problems with it spilling out. Even when I was 253 pounds, I was always trying to move things around in my clothes to be more comfortable. My jeans button and zip nicely now! I am grateful for the surgery every time I put on a pair of jeans.

A lot of people ask me if my clothing sized changed. Interestingly (or not), my size was the same. I just didn't have to squeeze the loose skin in there ;)

Clothing expectations were met, except for the one thing that I hadn't thought of, which I explained above. I didn't realize the loose skin in my thighs would make it difficult to find jeans that fit well once I got rid of the loose abdomen skin. So, 4 out of 5 stars.

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Sexy Time Expectations     

(Mom, skip this part, if you're reading--haha). This aspect of surgery was never even on my radar for expectations. Jerry has always thought I look beautiful and hot and I wasn't concerned about anything in this department. But things changed!

Before surgery, I never ever ever felt sexy in lingerie. I either had fat everywhere or loose skin everywhere, and I resented it. Even though Jerry would have loved for me to wear cute lingerie, I just didn't want to because I felt uncomfortable with all of the abdominal skin.

After surgery, I went out and bought something sexy from Victoria's Secret, and I felt amazing in it! I wasn't self conscious at all. I bought probably 6-8 more outfits over the years, and I love how they can change my mood and make me feel confident and, well, sexy.

The best I ever felt was when I did my boudoir photo shoot. I can't even describe how boosting that was for myself self-confidence! I didn't want my pictures photoshopped to make me looking thinner or remove my stretch marks, or anything like that; so the photographer just posed me in very flattering ways. And I was amazed at how good they turned out! (I wasn't even at my goal weight--I think I weighed 140 on this day). Here is one of my favorites:

Photo by the amazing Catherine Kellie in Birmingham, MI

If I hadn't had the surgery, I never would have considered getting a boudoir shoot. BUT, having had one, I still highly recommend that most women get a boudoir shoot, no matter their size, shape, age, scars, stretch marks, etc. The photographers use little tricks to pose us in ways that are most flattering for us as individuals. If you look closely, you can see the stretch marks on my abdomen, but the color of the photo keeps them from being very prominent. This pose would not have made me feel nearly as good if I had done this prior to my surgery.

Now I'm straying from the point, like I tend to do!

I think the biggest thing that the surgery helped out as far as a sexual way is that I just feel a million times more confident. I know there are women who rock sexy outfits when they are overweight, but I just didn't have the confidence for that.

And Jerry's "sexy time" rating?     Hahaha! Of course.

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And the big question.... would I have had the surgery again if I could go back in time. YES. A thousand times, YES.

So there you have it! I am overall a very, very happy girl with the results of my surgery. I think I had pretty realistic expectations going into it. I had maintained my 100+ pound weight loss for a year, and my surgeon knew I'd have fantastic results.

She said a lot of women go in when they are still overweight, hoping that the surgery will make them thin. It doesn't work that way. Being at a goal/target weight for a year is ideal for the best results. (I have several posts dedicated to discussing the whole lower body lift surgery process, start to finish, so you can check it out if you are thinking about having the surgery.)

Anyone else have the surgery, and want to share how it went? Or other skin removal procedures? Did everything go according to your expectations?

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ETA: Oops, I forgot to post my Wednesday Weigh-in!

Still maintaining :)

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RECIPE: One Pot Italian Sausage Lentils and Rice

I was inspired to make this dish after eating the Mexican Lentils and Rice for several years. (I was going to link to that recipe, and I realized that I never posted it! So I will post that another time.) I had some Italian turkey sausage to use up, so I made this and it was delicious! It's very hearty and filling, super easy to cook, and it doesn't take a ton of ingredients or time. (See notes after recipe)

Click here for a printer-friendly PDF


Italian Sausage Lentils and Rice

Ingredients:

2 tsp. olive oil
5 Italian sausage links (hot or sweet), uncooked
3/4 cup white rice
3/4 cup brown lentils
4 cups beef broth
1/2-1 tsp Italian seasoning (to taste)
1 (15 oz) can diced tomatoes, drained
salt and pepper to taste


Directions:

Heat the olive oil over medium high heat in a large pot. Remove the casing from the sausage links, and add the sausage to the skillet. Break up the meat as it cooks.

When the meat is browned, add the rice, lentils, broth, and seasoning. Bring the pot to a boil, then cover and reduce heat to low. Leave at low heat for 20 minutes (don’t remove the lid!).

Gently stir in the tomatoes, and heat through until broth is absorbed.


Notes:

I like to use turkey sausage for this (just a taste/texture preference). You can find it with the ground turkey at the grocery store, in packages with five links. I like the hot sausage as opposed to the sweet, but either one works good.

You can make this with brown rice, but I would suggest cooking the rice in beef broth separately and then folding it into the lentils at the end. White rice cooks in the same amount of time as lentils, so it works well for this recipe. The lentils will be mushy if you cook them too long.

Don't stir or open the lid while it's cooking, otherwise the rice will get mushy and gummy.

You can skip the tomatoes, if you like. I used to make it without tomatoes, and then added them on a whim one time, and it was good!

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Mental Health Monday: A Runner's High!

I spent so much time today writing a post, but once I was done with it, I just wasn't very happy with it. So, I scrapped it for something light-hearted and fitting for today.

As I mentioned last week, I committed myself to running Thursday, Saturday, and Monday. I wanted to try it a few times and see if I was ready to get back into running regularly.

Even though I made the three-run commitment, I wasn't magically in love with running all of a sudden! But I didn't dread the thought of it, either. I had physical therapy this morning, and I almost used that as a reason to put off the run until tomorrow. Besides, after the ab muscle spasms on Saturday, I was really worried about running again. That was miserable.

However, last week I said I was determined to do these three runs, and because I made that commitment, I knew I had to do it. The weather was perfect running weather, too!

So, as soon as I got home from physical therapy, I got dressed to run and quickly created a short playlist on my phone of my very favorite songs to hopefully keep me motivated. Once I was dressed to run, I was actually looking forward to it.

After my pace on Saturday, I honestly didn't care how slow I ran today, as long as those muscle spasms stayed away. I was super nervous about it, and I didn't feel anything until about a third of a mile in. It didn't hit me hard like Saturday, but I started feeling little twinges just under my ribs.

(If you picture 8-pack abs--the rectus abdominis muscles--the pain was at the very top of the 8-pack. I also felt it in the transverse abdominis on the right side only. It's definitely the muscle, and not my internal organs. I'm thinking it has something to do with reconditioning my abs to be flexed for so long, like they are when I run.)

I was just praying that it wouldn't move to the other abdominis muscles. Luckily, I didn't feel it spreading, so as long as it just stayed in those spots, I figured I could handle it. My legs felt a little tired, which had to have been from Saturday's run (my physical therapy is all upper body stuff). But they were tired in a good way.

When my Garmin beeped after the first mile, I looked down and was shocked to see my pace--10:55. On my first run (Thursday), I had to push really hard that last mile in order to get it under 11:00. That mile made me feel like I was running a sub-8:00 pace again--it was hard! And then considering my pace on Saturday was in the high 11:00's, I was just really surprised to see a sub-11 first mile today.

It made me a little excited, though. I never thought I'd be so excited to run a 10:55 mile, but it felt just as good running that mile as I did running a sub-8:00 mile when I was training for my 10K.

After seeing that, I decided to see if I could hold roughly that pace, but without looking at my watch. I just tried to keep the same rhythm with my legs, feet, and breathing. (Speaking of breathing, I'm so glad I was listening to music, because I'm sure my breathing was loud enough to wake the neighborhood, hahaha).

Mile two, my Garmin beeped, and I saw 10:55 again! I happened to maintain not only the same exact pace as the first mile, but also the sub-11 for a second mile. Actually seeing the improvement was enough to give me some motivation for the last mile to be sub-11 as well. I pushed the pace a little, to where it was uncomfortable, but I wasn't completely dying. I even put on a good motivating song to listen to for the last few minutes. The ab muscle pain hadn't gotten any worse, so I was pretty sure I could do it.

As soon as I hit the third mile, I stopped my Garmin and saw that I did that third mile in 10:21. I was thrilled!

I sat on the porch, out of breath and sweaty, and felt amazing. It was the perfect third run--exactly what I needed to keep me wanting more. (But not today. Ha!)

...Which brings me to the topic of a "runner's high". I can remember the exact date of the last time I felt a runner's high; it was on March 22, 2016. I ran "the best 10K workout"--3 x 2 miles at goal race pace with a 5-minute jog in between. My goal race pace was 7:55/mile, and I was super intimidated by this final, very tough workout.

I knew if I could do it, that I would probably hit my goal on race day (April 8). My two-mile split paces were 7:49, 7:51, and 7:48. I was so so so excited that I did it! I was walking on clouds for DAYS after that run. I can't even describe the feeling of a true runner's high--even hitting my goal on race day didn't feel that good. (But the Cajun Tots at McMenamins later more than made up for it)

There is something so gratifying about a tough run. In the beginning, back when I started running in 2010, I got a runner's high almost every time I went running. Each and every run felt challenging, and my pace was constantly improving, so it's no wonder I felt amazing. I loved the feeling of doing something that I had thought was impossible for me.

Feeling tired, used, sweaty, and achy after a run is the best feeling, despite sounding kind of miserable. A runner's high feels amazing--like I can do anything--and I feel like I'm floating on clouds all day afterward.

When I first heard of a "runner's high", I thought it was just a silly way of saying that we feel good after a run. I didn't think it would feel like an actual HIGH. But it does! (I mean, not that I would know anything about that, of course)

Sadly, the longer I was running, the less frequently I would feel a runner's high. I was training to get faster, and once in a great while, I'd nail a really tough run and feel the high; but most of the time, a run was a run and whether it was good or great, I just didn't feel the high from it.

After March 22 last year, I didn't feel it again. I may have gotten excited or felt happy after a run, but not the runner's high. I actually forgot what it felt like.

Until today.

I didn't run my best pace (not even close!) or hit a new distance (again, not even close!). I wasn't "training" for anything. I wasn't even trying to aim for a particular pace.

But when I finished running, and I sat down on the porch with a good song playing in my ears, I felt alive in a way that I haven't felt in a year and a half.

This run was different in some way. I am starting over with my running goals, and it feels really refreshing. I don't feel pressure to run fast, because I know that I'm not going to come anywhere near my best pace; instead, I am just hoping to see improvement over time. If the run feels easier than last time, I think that's huge progress.

So, needless to say, I am definitely excited to keep going. I am not going to make a full commitment to a running schedule or anything, but just like last week, I'm going to commit to three upcoming runs--Thursday, Saturday, and Monday. For now, I'm just sticking with three-milers until it gets easier. My main "goal" is to not have any real goals right now--just pressure-free jogging for fitness, rather than training for races.

And hopefully I'll feel the runner's high often as I improve! :)

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Family Friday (belated): Numbers

Ha! Just now, I opened a Dove chocolate to eat while I work on my post, and this was the little "fortune" on the wrapper:

I was curious, and immediately looked up the word "loquacious". It made me laugh, because it means, "tending to talk a great deal; excessive talk." That is a classic hypomanic behavior, and it's something that drives me crazy about myself. I will talk and talk about the stupidest things when I'm hypomanic. I definitely don't need to be more loquacious. ;)

Anyway, today is my favorite date of the year: 11/11.

I'm not sure when or why 11 became my favorite number, but I am kind of obsessed with it. And multiples of 11, especially 33. I have read that people with bipolar may fixate on a particular number and believe it has some sort of meaning in situations. I'm sure I think about it way more than the average person does.

Today, for example, I wanted to play Keno--$11 worth. Jerry and I went to the bar near our house at 4:00, right when they opened, because Jerry had to leave for work at 4:30. We filled out our slips, and then the woman working there told us that the bartender wasn't there yet, and she was the one who had to do the Keno slips.

The bartender was supposed to be there at 4:00, but she didn't get there until 4:20-ish. Not nearly enough time to play 11 draws of Keno. We probably could have changed our plan, or I could have stayed alone, or invited a friend to come with me later... but I was just irritated that my plans were interrupted, so I went home without having played a single draw.

It's funny, I was supposed to be in Vegas this weekend for a From Fat to Finish Line event--seemingly a great place to be on 11/11 (in my odd mind, anyway). I had been planning to go for a long time, but changed my mind about a month ago for several reasons. Mainly because I shouldn't drink, I shouldn't gamble, and I wasn't doing the race with everyone.

I would have been really tempted to do those things (well, at least the drinking and gambling!), and I knew it wasn't a good idea for my mental health for me to go right now. But if I had gone, I would have placed a bet on 11 for roulette. I'll never know if I would have won ;)

Earlier today, I went for a run at 11:11. Yes, it sounds ridiculous. But honestly, I didn't think of it until I was getting my shoes on to head outside. I realized the time was 11:09, and I thought it would be fun to start my run at 11:11; so, I rushed to get my shoes on and head out the door.

I stood in the driveway, waiting for my Garmin to find satellites, and when I only had about two seconds left before it turned over to 11:12, I just started the run without the satellites (shocker, I know).

I decided to run 3.33 miles in a lollipop route. Not even a quarter mile in, I got that horrible abdominal muscle spasm that caused me so many problems in late 2015.

To back up: I had a stress fracture for about 10 months that wouldn't heal (because I kept running on it!). I finally decided to quit running for 6 weeks and let it heal properly. And it did!

During that time, I worked on losing weight. When it came time to run again, I was surprised at how good it felt. I was easily running a pace in the 9:00's, even after taking 6 weeks off. But shortly after, I started getting abdominal muscle spasms/cramps that were practically crippling (my ab muscles would get REALLY tight and cause very sharp pains, like someone was stabbing me all over my abs). There were several runs I had to quit because the pain was so bad.

I saw my doctor about it, and even emailed my plastic surgeon to see if it was something that could have been caused from my skin removal. They were both stumped. Eventually, the spasms/cramps stopped, and I hadn't noticed them since... until a few weeks ago when I went for a run. They weren't terrible, but they were there. I started to wonder if they just show up when I start running after a long break.

Today's run was probably the most painful I've ever experienced. I was determined to do it, so I did, but the pain was all I could focus on the whole time. I was trying to figure out different ways of breathing, of "sucking in" or "blowing out" my stomach, breathing to a certain count, etc. Nothing helped. I desperately wanted to walk, but I KNEW once I did, I wouldn't start running again. Besides, the pain stays when I walk; and walk or run, I needed to get home.

When I got home, I collapsed on my porch and sat there for about 10 minutes. I keep hoping that my bird will return again, but so far, no luck.

It was such a relief to stop running! My muscles released the spasm, and I was fine again. So weird. My splits were even slower than my last run, but I kind of expected that with the shuffle I was doing: 11:51, 11:48, 11:41, and 11:33. The 11:33 for the last .33 miles wasn't intentional ;)

I am hoping that the cramps don't happen every time, but even if they do, I know they'll go away sooner or later. I can't remember how long it took last time, but I think it was probably a couple of months. Although, the cramps would only show up during some of the runs; not all of them.

Despite the muscle cramps, I actually felt really good about running today. If it wasn't for the cramps, I would say I actually enjoyed it. I'm going to run again on Monday, because I agreed to give it three runs before deciding if I would start running regularly again, but so far I like being back out there!

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Thrifty Thursday: Zero Sum Budgeting

I realize I will probably get criticized for this post, because it's about money, and everyone has his or her own thoughts about different ways of budgeting and/or spending. But several people have asked about how my family is budgeting, so I decided to post the numbers. I chose a month (August) that was fairly average.

I am not sharing this information to ask for advice. I am very happy with how we are doing this right now, and we've managed to pay off a significant amount of debt this way. Right now, we still have about 15 months to pay off our final credit card with 0% interest, so we don't have to rush things. I'm guessing it'll be paid off in 3-4 months (maybe 5, with Christmas coming up).

A few things have changed since August, so that's why the budget looks a little off (we paid off the Barclaycard, and our last furnace loan payment was in August as well. So, we used some of that money to add a "family fun" category to the budget (we didn't have this in August).

Each month, I just change the budget column to reflect our CURRENT month's bills/budget. Also, the income is net income, not gross.

Our budgeted income is $4500--if we make that much, then we could theoretically pay $1240 onto the credit debt. However, our "extras" category ends up being much more than we accounted for. It's not due to unnecessary spending habits, but things like items for the house (we had to repair a shower leak and had to buy some stuff from Lowe's), renewing our plates at the Secretary of State, the accidental extra car payment I made (haha! I accidentally paid that twice in August when I set up the auto pay), etc. It's for things that we can't really plan on.

In a perfect budget, the "extras" would be $0; but lots of unplanned for things have come up, so we just stay as careful as we can for that. We don't buy anything extra that isn't necessary.

So, this is our budget, with August as an example (explanation below):

In the first column, I wrote whether the payment is automatic or if I have to pay it manually. I also wrote how each item is paid--American Express card; our secondary checking account (we have two checking accounts); or our savings account. Each account has a different use.

Checking account 1: All of our deposits during the month--we leave this in here until the end of the month. Each month, we start with a balance of $25.

Checking account 2 (the yellow cells): The money used for our entire "bare bones" budget--we start with $3300, and at the end, the amount left should be close to $0.

Savings account 1 (the purple cell): An escrow account for our taxes. I pay $175 into this account on the first of each month, so that we have the money to pay our taxes twice a year.

Savings account 2: A "just in case" account. If we should need extra money for some reason, we have a small cushion of $1000. I realize that it's not the recommended 3-6 months worth of savings, but we will work on that once we pay off this final credit card.

American Express (Delta) (the red cells): I will explain more of this in a minute, but we use this to pay for everything that we can in order to earn the rewards (SkyMiles, in this case). This balance starts at $0 each month, because we pay it off in full with the budgeted money in our secondary checking account.

So, here's how the budget works:

On the first of the month we start with $3300 in our secondary checking account, which is used for our entire "bare bones" budget. I withdraw the money from this account for our allowances and "family fun" (used to do things as a family--the movies, dinner out, etc). I also transfer the $175 to our savings account for escrow (again, it comes from the secondary account). I also pay our bills that have to be paid manually.

Throughout the month, we use the Delta AmEx card for our groceries, gas, medical expenses, extras, and as many bills as we can (some companies don't allow credit card payments, or don't accept AmEx). This total on the AmEx, if all goes according to budget, is $1570. This will be paid from the secondary checking at the end of the month, bringing the credit card balance to $0.

The remaining amount of the $3300 in our secondary checking account is used to pay for the bills that aren't able to be paid with the AmEx. At the end of the month, having used our budget to pay off the AmEx as well as the other bills, we should have close to $0 in this account (I added a small cushion, in case a bill is slightly more than expected).

It may seem unconventional to use a credit card to pay off credit card debt; but because we pay it off every month with our budgeted money, we are able to earn the SkyMiles. Thankfully, I have always had a great credit score (even with our debt, I've never made a late payment in my life), so that has been helpful. We were able to open a 0% interest Barclaycard and transfer our debt to that card with NO fee.

I have to say, I love love love the Delta AmEx! I have literally never paid for one of my trips to Portland (and I've been there five times since 2015). That's a $400+ ticket, and it only costs me $11 (I'm not sure why the $11, but I think it's some sort of tax or something). Jerry's gone to San Diego, New York, and Portland, all of which were paid for with SkyMiles. We also get to check a bag for free, which is nice, considering it's usually $25 each way.

I certainly don't think this method is right for everyone--if the card isn't paid in full each month, it will only rack up more and more debt. For us, as long as we stay within budget, it's working great. We haven't had any problems with this method so far.

(I hate that this will sound sales-pitchy, but if you happen to apply for a Delta AmEx, I would be so grateful if you would use this link. It'll give me 10,000 SkyMiles for the referral, and you can earn 50,000-60,000 miles if you spend $2000 in the first three months. But honest to God, I love my card--I wouldn't recommend it otherwise.)

And if SkyMiles aren't your thing, there are tons of other cards out there with various rewards. Some even do cash rewards. I would just make sure that you can be disciplined enough to pay it in full every month. Otherwise, I would just stick to paying for everything with a debit card or cash.

All of this said, things may not go according to the budget. As you can see for August, our "extras" were a lot more than we budgeted for.

Ideally, we wouldn't have to use anything over the $3300 that we budget for each month. However, when we do, we can use the extra money in our primary checking to pay for it. We start the primary checking with $25; then all of our income is automatically deposited in that account.

Once that account reaches $3300, we know that we have enough for our "bare bones" budget the following month, and anything we earn on top of that is extra money. On the last day of the month, we then use that extra money to pay onto our credit card debt (after paying off any extra stuff that was above our budget).

So, ideally, we would have $1240 extra income on top of our "bare bones" amount budgeted for. In this particular example, we had a lot of extra things to pay for, so we had $986.73 (+ the original $25 that we started with) in the primary checking after everything was paid for.

So, we took $977.50 of that money, and paid it onto our credit debt (I think it was such an odd amount because I wanted to get the credit debt to a nice even dollar amount).

After we pay that to our debt, we start the month all over again. I transfer the $3300 to our secondary checking bare bones budget. The credit card starts at $0 for the month. And there we go!

My favorite part about this budget is that we are one month AHEAD of our bills. All of the money we earn this month gets set aside for next month; that way, we start each month with the amount we need to pay all of our bills. It's so nice not to have to worry about whether we'll have the money.

Like I said, this way of budgeting is not for everyone. It works really well for us, because we have such a varied income from week to week (and even month to month). I just wanted to explain it in detail for those that are curious how the "bare bones" (or zero-sum) budgeting works.  I hope this wasn't too confusing! ;)

Note: Several people have asked me how to START this kind of budget when you don't have the money to be a month ahead. Jerry and I were lucky in that we started our budget after a very large income month, and we just barely had enough to start this budget. But if that's not an option, here is what The Simple Dollar advises (that blog is how I learned about zero sum budgeting--it's a great post):

"Getting a Month Ahead

Since zero-sum budgeting uses last month’s income to pay this month’s bills, you’ll need to get one month ahead on your finances to make this work. Getting one month ahead can be accomplished by saving one month’s expenses in your regular savings account and using those funds for the following month’s budget.

If you already have at least one month’s expenses saved, you are already a step ahead of the rest. Simply use those funds to pay the expenses you’ve outlined during the next month’s budget, and sock this month’s income away into savings for use during the following month."

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