December 10, 2020

An Update on My Weight Loss and Exercise Efforts


I've been meaning to write this update for a at least a month, but things have been all over the place and I just haven't been sure what to write. Very few things have been going how I had hoped when I started my Cookies Fall Challenges.

First, my exercise... because that's easy to write about.

As I've been sort of mentioning here and there, I've been doing really great with my walk streak. Today was Day 145--I've walked 5+ miles a day for 145 days in a row! And all but a few of them (maybe four?) have been outside.


It's getting harder now that the weather is getting colder. I don't have many winter clothes that fit me (or any clothes at all, really--which I'll write about when I get to my weight). I didn't have a winter coat that fit me, either, but I started wearing one of Jerry's old ones from work. It's definitely too big, but I like that I can wear layers underneath it, there is a lot of pocket room, and it's water resistant). It's rained on several walks I've done, so the water resistance is nice!


Joey has turned into a totally different dog since we started walking. I take him with me every day and he LIVES for it. As soon as I wake up, he's in my face, wagging his tail, excited to go. When we first started walking, we come inside after the walk and he'd plop on the floor, panting, and stay there all day--exhausted.

Now, we get home and he doesn't even want to go in the house. He gets in that play bow position that dogs do, and I play along, so he tears circles around our entire house (outside), runs up and down the dike, and just generally goes nuts with even more energy. I have no idea where it comes from after walking five miles! But I love to see him so happy.


Speaking of which (I know I've written this before so I'll try to keep it brief) he has come to get super excited for the walks because he gets to see his dog friends (and just dogs in general). He knows all the houses where they live and looks excitedly as we walk by.

His "best friend" is Roomba, a black German Shepherd. When she's outside, we stop and I let him play while I chat with Roomba's "mom". When Roomba isn't outside, Joey is constantly straining on the leash toward her house--he wants to see her so badly!


I just bought a poster of yoga poses and stretches, which I plan to start doing after my walks. My chronic pain has gotten really bad and I feel like my muscles are tight all the time. I also get a lot of knots in my shoulders and upper back when I am stressed, and they are super painful. Jerry massages them, but I don't think it's enough. I'd like to go for a deep tissue massage, but sadly, I'm ashamed of my body and I'd be embarrassed. 

Yesterday, I tried using my TENS unit (it's a little device that has electrodes that you place on your skin--it delivers small electrical impulses that kind of tingle (or hurt if turned up too high!). Last night, Phoebs was on my lap while I zapped my shoulders for 20 minutes to help break up the knots and tightness.


Anyway, I hope that the stretching and strength training of the yoga poses will help loosen up my muscles and help relieve the pain. I've never been a fan of yoga, so we'll see ;)

So, exercise has been going well! I'm proud of my walking streak. I have no idea if it's making an impact on my health or body, but it's definitely helped me mentally (as best as it can).

As far as my weight loss goals...

I really wish that I had good things to say about this! When I was doing 75 Hard, I lost 13 pounds. I didn't mind the number so much as I was excited about the change in my body composition. You could see visible changes after just a single week (and no weight loss!). I know that it was from intermittent fasting.

I did great on 75 Hard for the first 34(?) days, and then I learned that I may not have been doing it correctly, and it was a struggle after that. 

My eating plan of choice was intermittent fasting, which was FANTASTIC for me. It helped me so much--not just as far as how much and what I eat, but to keep me from thinking about food all the time. I loved not having to worry about what to eat for breakfast, lunch, snacks... I planned a big dinner and a treat or after-dinner snack (I liked decaf coffee with cream and sugar along with something like zucchini bread). 

I loved loved loved the plan--I was eating on a 20:4 schedule (fasting for 20 hours and then having an eating window of 4 hours). It was hard to get into the habit at first--it took me about four days before I got to the point where I loved it.

One day, I ate outside my window, and then I did it again the next day. And then trying to get back to the schedule was SO HARD. I'm able to wait until 3-4:00 to eat, but then I have such a hard time stopping after four hours. I eat not because I'm hungry, but because the food is there and I use it for stress relief. This year (especially this fall) has been really stressful for so many reasons and it threw off my routine (as you know, I strive for routine). 

So as of right now, I'm not doing well with my diet. I'm not doing terrible, thankfully, but I gained back 8 of the 13 pounds I lost and I've been maintaining this for a couple of months. I would really like to get back to the intermittent fasting, because I felt so much better when I was doing it. Like I said, the first four days are the toughest--so I just have to make up my mind to do it. After that, it literally feels EASY. And I love seeing results so quickly (not the numbers, but feeling my clothes getting looser).

I quit taking a daily photo a while ago, considering I wasn't doing good with weight loss. It just seemed pointless to keep taking photos when I could feel my clothes getting tighter again. I'm wondering if it might help me to continue the photos and then I can see what's NOT working. Who knows, maybe it will just be depressing to see!

Here is a photo I took today. I got dressed out of my yoga pants and sweatshirt for the photo and then I changed right back into them, hahaha. Here, I am wearing my size 10 jeans (which are uncomfortably tight!) and my vanity-sized medium shirt. So I am likely a size 12/large right now. It's been more than 10 years since I was this size and it feels uncomfortable.


I'm NOT planning to "wait until the new year" to try to jump back on the wagon. I'm always trying! It wouldn't matter anyways--it's not like there are going to be holiday parties that are tempting me with food, etc. (I've never been big into holiday parties anyway, but with COVID, I imagine that nobody will be getting together.) Starting now is no different than starting in January.

I wrote a post a few years ago about "My Best Advice for Losing Weight in the New Year". Even though I'm far from my goal weight or just happy weight, I stand by the advice and I definitely need to follow it myself.

So, this is my update! I'm not complaining about how things are going, nor am I being negative about it. It just IS. These are the facts. To end on a positive note, I really am happy with myself for my walking streak--for me, that's a big accomplishment! Now if only I can get my eating on track... :)

35 comments:

  1. It's heartbreaking to read that you won't seek treatment (deep tissue massage) for your upper back and shoulder pain because of your weight. I have similar muscle problems and massage is the only thing that relieves my pain. People of ALL sizes deserve medical treatment and pain relief, and no one should have to feel embarrassed about their body size, especially when seeking medical attention. I know that medical professionals often make fatphobic remarks that make treatments less accessible to many people, but that is a systemic problem. Please, seek treatment for your pain, no matter your size!

    I was also wondering if you've heard about Aubrey Gordon's new book "What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat"? I haven't read it yet but I'm a huge fan of her essays, podcast, and social media. From all I've heard it sounds really promising.

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    1. When I was at my heaviest, I had a gift certificate for a facial, which meant taking off my shirt and putting on this wrap that had velcro on it to keep it closed. I put off getting the facial for that reason until it was almost expired. I finally decided to do it, and when I did, the wrap would BARELY cover me. When I laid back in the chair, the velcro came undone, pulling the wrap apart. It was SO embarrassing! I was too fat for it. Even though I'm not that big anymore, I am so afraid of something like that again!

      I haven't heard of Aubrey Gordon, but I'm going to check out the book right now. Thanks for the suggestion!

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    2. I get regular massages and there should be no size related issues. You undress to whatever you're comfortable with and then lie under a very large sheet. You can often get great massage deals through Groupon!

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  2. Katie I think I’m bigger than when you started. I hear you on the Velcro coming loose. After my first facial where I also had that happen I took my own wrap around towel that one can put their arms through. You could probably make one for yourself with your craft talents. Or take your own beach towel that you know will wrap around you.

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    1. I wish I'd known what to expect that first time--the velcro coming undone was super embarrassing! That's a great idea to bring your own.

      When I was pregnant and in labor, I had to wear two hospital gowns--one with the opening in front and one with the opening in back--because the gowns were too small to fit around me! I couldn't believe they didn't have bigger "maternity" gowns. That was pretty embarrassing, too.

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    2. I totally see why these experiences can feel embarrassing, but in my perspective the embarrassment should be on the hospital's side for not having the equipment to accommodate people of all sizes. Wanting to be thinner is very understandable in a society that discriminates against fat people and keeps telling us that being fat is shameful, and I'd be lying if I said my weight doesn't play a role in many decisions I make about nutrition and exercise. But for me it's also important to remember that there is nothing morally wrong, or inherently shameful, or naturally embarrassing, about fat. And any place that serves the public should strive to serve the entire public, people of all sizes included.

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  3. You don’t have to publish either of my comments unless you think others might benefit too.: Also, I hear you on the massage. I lost my MT I had used for years. But am starting back. I know we can both find professionals who will make us comfortable.

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    1. Did you find that the massage therapy helped you? I'm assuming it did, if you used it for years. Jerry is great at massaging out the knots in my back, but I think that I need a professional to do it at least once in a while. It's been SO bad lately!

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  4. For what it's worth, I think you look fantastic in the photo :)

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    1. Thank you, Sonja! I wish I felt the same way ;)

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  5. I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I gained 20 pounds at the start of quarantine because I was too nervous to run outside around other people and I transitioned to working fully from home so I no longer had access to my free office gym (which closed for awhile anyway). Of course I'm not thrilled about it, I'm at my heaviest I've ever been except when pregnant (and even still I'm not far off from that weight now!), but I'm trying to be forgiving of myself.

    We're all trying our best and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a former place, but I personally am trying to get past my own fatphobia and recognize all the things my body does for me in other ways. I'm also making sure I'm healthy "despite" my weight (BMI is total bullshit, it's made up, and it's not an actual barometer of a person's health)--I've gone back to running and walking outside, my blood pressure, cholesterol, and resting heart rate are all excellent, and I'm getting myself some clothes that make me feel comfortable and happy in the body I'm in now.

    I'm not saying that it's bad that you want to lose weight, but you shouldn't stop yourself from getting a massage or buying clothes that fit you NOW. You're a deserving person at every size.

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    1. I really wish I wasn't so hard on myself, either. I try so hard NOT to be, but it's like an analogy that Jerry and I use a lot... it's like telling a pitcher to "throw strikes" in baseball. I always hate it at the kids' baseball games when the coaches tell the pitchers to throw strikes--seriously?! That's what they're always trying to do! Haha. So we use this analogy a lot--"Don't feel bad" or "You shouldn't worry about it" or things like that. We tell each other, "Just throw strikes" ;) So telling myself not to be hard on myself is like saying, "Just throw strikes". (Hopefully that makes sense!)

      I have to go for my annual physical soon, so I'll learn what my numbers are--but usually I'm pretty healthy (other than the BMI). I've had to explain to my kids why the BMI is NOT the end-all be-all. Eli is a super dense kid, and he'll always have a high BMI because he's got a LOT of muscle mass. I don't ever want him to think he's fat because of the BMI scale!

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  6. That makes me sad to hear too that you don't feel comfortable getting a massage :( I know its easy for me to say but massage therapists really do see bodies of all shapes and sizes! And if they're a true professional, nothing should bother them. It wouldn't hurt to do some research and read reviews of local places! I can understand where you're coming from though. I've gained back all my weight (and then some lol) and that mental game is so tough. I do think you look great in that picture! That sweater is so cute! And your walking streak is amazing!!

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    1. Thank you, Amanda! I think I'll talk to Becky (my brother Brian's wife) about it, because she was a massage therapist while she was going to college. Maybe she can convince me that massage therapists don't look at weight? I don't know. I just wish I felt more comfortable in this body!

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  7. I was one of those people who wanted to love yoga because it's so good for you, but always got bored... until this year. I discovered Yoga With Adriene and her free monthly calendars. The practices are usually only 20-40 minutes, not an hour plus. I pull up YouTube and do the practice indicated for that day, no thinking involved. It started as my own personal quarantine challenge, but I absolutely LOVE it now. She even has a 30-day beginner series you can check out.

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    1. Thanks for the suggestion! I've wanted to love yoga, too, but the few times I've tried it, I wasn't a fan. I definitely don't want to do an hour! I appreciate the info :)

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  8. My 2 cents - I think you look good but I understand just feeling bigger than you want to be and not liking how you look. I've been there - multiple times over the course of my life. BUT try to get that out of your head in terms of getting a massage. Remember that you are focused on your own body and how it looks. A massage therapist is not thinking like that. They see multiple types of bodies, every day, all day. They are not looking at people's bodies the way you are thinking about your own. They look at tightness, and knots, and other stuff like that. So make yourself go. You'll be glad you did.

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    1. Thank you! I know you've struggled, too. The massage thing is so scary for me! I know that I shouldn't think the worst of it, but after what happened with the facial I had, I am terrified. Even at my thinnest weight, I had a lot of extra skin in my upper body, so I wouldn't have been comfortable with a massage. Hopefully someday! ;)

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  9. I am quite a bit bigger than you but I regularly go to a massage therapist and it helps so much. I have never had a massage therapist make a comment or ever felt bad that I was heavy. I can't imagine the embarrassment or shame that would happen if I did. I do go to a MT connected to a chiropractor though so maybe there's more of a "medical" side to them that helps. Maybe work with your counselor to be able to try massage again, or talk to a massage therapist ahead of time and explain your fears. It's worth it!

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    1. That's very encouraging! I went to a chiropractor a few times and there was a massage therapist in the office as well, so maybe that's where I'll try first (if I decide to go through with it). I am desperate for some pain relief right now!

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  10. As usual, I love your honesty! So inspiring. Just keep being you. It gives me permission to be ME!

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    1. Thank you, Nita! I always appreciate your kind words. xo

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  11. Have you thought about an exercise shift? I bought a Peloton bike and it has been amazing for motivation, and them leading me through classes and workouts. Well worth the money, has alleviated my knee pain and makes me feel strong, increasing my self confidence.

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    1. I've been hearing about Peloton bikes a lot lately, but I've never taken the time to look them up. I'm going to do that right now! Ever since I gave myself permission to stop running, I'm open to other exercise if it interests me. Thanks for the suggestion!

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    2. I’m Peloton obsessed, let me know if you have any questions! The app has workouts (live and prerecorded) for cycling, walking, running, dance, boot camp, yoga and more. I also don’t like yoga but I try ;D it’s nice to do 5 minutes here and there

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  12. Katie,
    I really appreciate you just always being real and honest about how things are going in your life! You help me not feel bad when my weight fluctuates because stress brings on the pounds for me too :) I'm trying to learn to be happy with myself no matter my weight but it's been a struggle.
    Thanks again!

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    1. Thank you for the support, Trischa! It's so hard to write about the struggles sometimes, because I feel like I've failed, but it helps a lot to know that others are experiencing it, too. I hope you're able to find peace with yourself as well <3

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  13. Katie, you are amazing for being open and honest with us. It lets us all know we are not alone in our personal struggles. I know you struggle with your weight, but you look fantastic. You are still SO much healthier than you were in the mid 200’s. You walk. You cook many meals at home. You have rescued a dog, and given him great happiness. You have multiple hobbies that you excel at. You positively influence all of us on a daily basis. You have raised two children, and have a successful marriage. You have a close relationship with friends and family. You are kind. That’s a win.

    I weigh 275, and get massages monthly to help my joint and muscle pain (autoimmune in nature). I chose a place where I don’t ever put on a robe. I undress in the room, and slip under the blanket, and never walk in the hall. And nobody has ever commented on my weight. They comment on my muscles, and give me tips on how to loosen up before next time. They ask questions about the medical condition, and what my massage preferences are. Everyone is very professional.

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    1. This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for the kind words! It's hard to see the GOOD things that I have done when I feel like I've failed at something that is so public (the weight loss). I really appreciate your comment.

      I'm super nervous about getting a massage, mainly because of my previous experience, but I'm at the point where I almost don't care what anyone thinks--the pain in my back and shoulders is killer!

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    2. I feel the same way as you do about the message thing. I've had gift cert. for them in the past that I just tried to give away because I was so self-conscious to both put on the robe and it not fit and have someone touch me. I get nervous about the robes fitting every time I get my hair done at the salon too. It doesn't close there either but it's mostly covered by the plastic cape. The drs office is another place.

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  14. Do you have any suggestions on how to walk faster? I’m so slow.

    And as far as your sore muscles, try Barre3 online. They run specials on cost. I love it. Def incorporates yoga, but it’s just more fun and kind of uplifting! And you can easily do all the workouts with zero props.

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  15. I tried yoga too and didn't like it. Katie I agree with the others, you look great! And I'm happy for Joey! He's such a lucky dog. We have a cool path through the woods below our house and every time I say "you wanna walk on the path"? My two dogs go nuts. They act like it's a new adventure every time! Your walking that far every day is very impressive.

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  16. Hi Katie, you have had lots of lovely advice here. If you like fasting in the UK the fast 800 is a very popular researched scientific based weight losss method that combines fasting and healthy food, it is starting to become popular in Australia and the USA. There is lots of information available on it on the internet, if you haven't heard about it it isn't worth doing some research into it. It seems a kinder method that the 75 hard, weight loss should be about loving yourself not punishing yourself x

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  17. I think you look great but understand the feeling of not liking where you are weight wise. Go get a massage!! I’ve had massages at over 300 lbs. I’ve never felt uncomfortable during the massage. I agree with trying a massage place that’s medical/pt related. Sometimes spa places have those robes and you wait in a common area. I like places that they take you to the room and you disrobe there and get on the table and then the masseuse comes back in. Or you could try a clothed chair massage. Hope you feel better soon!

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  18. Katie, something else to consider in regards to your muscle tightness and knots is foam rolling. Foam rolling is easy to do, and you just need to purchase a foam roller, which are cheap. There are lots of tutorials online to show you how to do it. it's been a lifesaver for me and my tight, tight muscles. It can be painful, as it loosens up muscle knots and fascia, but I always feel better and have seen a decrease in my migraines and my muscles are much looser now.

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I used to publish ALL comments (even the mean ones) but I recently chose not to publish those. I always welcome constructive comments/criticism, but there is no need for unnecessary rudeness/hate. But please--I love reading what you have to say! (This comment form is super finicky, so I apologize if you're unable to comment)

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