Cabled Mug Cozy: A Free Knitting Pattern

(Over the next few weeks, I may be posting some seemingly random things like this. I have a separate blog that I created years ago to share some knitting/crochet patterns that I'd written. I used to knit and crochet a lot while I was losing weight--when my hands were busy, I wasn't eating! ;)

There aren't many patterns to transfer to this blog--I think about six or so--and I'm going to move them here instead of having a separate blog. So, I apologize for the excessive number of posts that you may see! Once I get everything transferred over, my posting will go back to normal.)

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I love to wrap my hands around a hot mug of coffee or tea... unless it's TOO hot. I found myself wrapping a paper towel around the mug to hold it how I wanted without burning myself, so I decided it's time to make a cozy...

This is made in one whole piece, without any sewing or seams--yay! (Here is a link to the pattern in Ravelry, in case you want to add it to your queue. And here is a link to my Ravelry profile.)

Here is a printer-friendly version of the pattern

Materials:

• small amount of worsted weight yarn (I used Patons Classic Merino Wool)
• set of US 5 double pointed needles (or US 5 circular needle for magic loop if preferred)
• cable needle (or you can use an extra double pointed needle for the cables)
• crochet hook size F for casting on
• tapestry needle for weaving in ends

Gauge:

6 sts and 8 rows = 1 inch

Abbreviations:

dpn- Double pointed needle

K- Knit

P- Purl

Sl- Slip the stitch

BO- Bind off

KFB- Knit front and back of each loop. Knit the stitch as always, only do not slide it off the left needle. Knit into the back of the same stitch. One increase made.

KLL- Knit left loop. With your left needle, pick up the left loop of the stitch TWO ROWS BELOW the last completed stitch, and knit it through the back loop. One increase made.

Special stitches/rows:

Cable row- Place the first two sts on a cable needle and hold to the front of your work. Knit the next two sts, then knit the sts from the cable needle. Purl the next stitch. Repeat around, ending with the cable (there is no purl on the end).

4x1 rib- K4, P1 across on the right side; P4, K1 on the wrong side.

Directions:

CO 8 sts and join in the round, using a circular cast on method

Rnd 1: KFB each st around. (you should have 16 sts)

Rnd 2 and all even rows: Knit.

Rnd 3: (K2, KLL) around. (24 sts)

Rnd 5: (K3, KLL) around (32 sts)

Rnd 7: (K4, KLL) around (40 sts)

Rnd 9: (K5, KLL) around (48 sts)

Rnd 11: (K6, KLL) around (56 sts)

Rnds 12-14: Knit around.

Row 15: BO 2 sts, K4, (P1, K4) across. Turn (you'll be working in rows now--but you'll still have to use either dpns or magic loop)

Row 16 (wrong side): Sl1, P3, (K1, P4) across.

Row 17: Sl1, K3, (P1, K4) across.

Rows 18-20: Repeat rows 16-17 once, then repeat row 16 once more.

Row 21 (right side): work cable row.

Row 22-26: Work rows 16-17 two times, then work row 16 once more.

Row 27 (right side): Work cable row.

Rows 28-37: Work 4x1 rib, slipping the first st of each row (for a nicer edge).

Rows 38-43: Knit each row (garter stitch). Break yarn, but DO NOT BIND OFF.

Work i-cord:

Set aside the cozy, and pick up working yarn. With an unused dpn, CO 3 sts. Knit across. Now, without turning, slide the loops to the other end of the needle, and knit across again, pulling tight to form i-cord. Repeat until you have about 33 rows.

Now attach i-cord:

Pick up the needles with the cozy on them. Slide the 3 sts from the i-cord dpn onto the cozy needles, with the working yarn sandwiched between the i-cord and the cozy. Now, with an empty needle, knit the first 2 sts, then knit the next 2 sts TOGETHER through the back loop. Slide the 3 sts you now have on your right needle back onto the left needle as they are. Repeat knitting the first 2 sts, then knitting the next 2 sts together through the back loop until you have 3 sts remaining. Work the i-cord for about 33 rows and BO.

Weave in ends. Enjoy your coffee or tea without burning your hands! ;)

(This pattern was my own creation, and I am happy to offer it for free! I just ask that if you share it, please link back to it here instead of republishing it elsewhere. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!)

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Recent Eats: Some yummy food I've been cooking lately

This is kind of an odd post for me, because I stopped posting food journals a long time ago. But I just transferred a bunch of photos from my phone onto my computer, and I saw that I had several pictures of food I've cooked recently. (I have a private Instagram account where I post food photos, more for myself than anyone else, so that I can look for ideas when I make my menus. So, I usually take photos of things that cook.)

Some of the things I've made lately have been SO good, so I thought I'd share the recipe links in case anyone is looking for something new to cook!

(As you all know, I am neither a food blogger nor a photographer, so these photos don't make the food look very appetizing. But I promise it was delicious!)

Chicken Fajita Pasta - I made chicken fajita pasta before, and it was good; but this time I made it with my own homemade fajita seasoning, and it was mind-blowing! Here is the recipe for the fajita seasoning, and here is the recipe I followed for the pasta. (Instead of the envelope of fajita seasoning called for in the recipe, used 1/4 cup of the homemade seasoning.)

Sweet Bean Salad with Fritos Scoops - I have no idea what to call this appetizer--it's kind of known as "that good bean dip" in my family. My mom got the recipe from a woman at an Army-moms support group. It's perfect for summertime! It has a sweet taste (oil and sugar make up the "dressing") and it must be served with Fritos Scoops ;)  This is one of those dishes that everyone asks for the recipe. So, here is the recipe for "that good bean dip".

Chicken 'n' Noodles - I used to work at Bob Evans, and they had a dish called Chicken 'n' Noodles--it was basically chicken noodle soup, but with less broth. I had some leftover chicken one day several years ago, so I threw this together and holy smokes it was so good. It looks very plain, but don't let that fool you! If you have chicken that is already cooked, this is a super fast and easy meal. Here is my recipe for Chicken 'n' Noodles.

Chicken Yakisoba - We were going over budget with our grocery money last week, so I was looking for cheap recipes. I came across this recipe that uses ramen noodles (I like the Maruchan brand). You don't use the seasoning packets that come with the noodles; instead, you make a sauce out of some condiments that you probably already have on hand. Here is the recipe I followed for Chicken Yakisoba.

Chickpea Tikka Masala - This recipe was a huge surprise for me; I honestly didn't expect to like it, because I'm not a big fan of chickpeas, but I do like to try new things. Again, I was looking for cheap meals, so I chose this one that uses chickpeas instead of meat. It ended up being not-so-cheap because I had to buy some spices, but the dish was SO GOOD that it was totally worth it.

And now I have the spices on hand to make this several more times. The kids didn't care for this, but Jerry and I loved it! Here is the recipe that I followed for Chickpea Tikka Masala. I made it as-written, except I accidentally only used two cans of chickpeas instead of three. I wondered why it was so saucy!

Meatball Soup - This is Jerry's favorite soup, and a big comfort food to him. I usually make it with ground turkey, but ground sirloin was on sale this week, so I decided to use that instead. I am not usually a big beef fan, but I think the ground beef was really good here. This soup is hearty and full of flavor! Jerry and the kids all insist that it be made with orecchiette pasta. Here is the recipe for my Meatball Soup.

Meatball Stroganoff - I use frozen meatballs for this (and canned mushrooms), so it comes together VERY fast. I hadn't made it in a long time, but when I was organizing my recipes page, I suddenly developed a craving for it, so I decided to cook it last week. I forgot just how good it is! Here is my recipe for Meatball Stroganoff.

Udon Noodle Stir-Fry with General Tso's Sauce - I had some udon noodles in the pantry, and it was just Eli and I for dinner one night. We both love stir-fry and spicy food, so I threw this together--I didn't have any meat, so we just had the veggies and noodles in the sauce. It was so good! Here is the recipe for the General Tso's Sauce. I used one package of udon noodles (these are ones I buy), one bag of frozen Birdseye Asian Medley veggies, and one recipe of the sauce--although next time, I think I would cut the sauce recipe in half. Eli and I both loved this!

Unstuffed Peppers - This was actually based on a stuffed pepper soup recipe, but I added a lot more peppers and it somehow had very little broth by the time I was done. It tastes just like stuffed peppers, so I just call it "Unstuffed Peppers" now. Here is the recipe for my Unstuffed Peppers!

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And there you have it! I've been loving spicy food lately, so I'm going to try some new spicy recipes. I think I pin more recipes than I could ever cook in a lifetime! haha

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RECIPE: Sweet Bean Salad with Fritos Scoops

This is a go-to recipe that I make frequently to take to parties. People ALWAYS ask for the recipe, because it's fantastic--and it tastes so much different than it looks. It's surprisingly sweet (which is thanks to the oil and sugar dressing) and serving it with Fritos Scoops is a must ;)

I have never known what to call this (my mom got the recipe a long time ago, and we've always just called it "that good bean dip"). So, call it what you will. Hopefully more creative than "that good bean dip"!

Ingredients:

1 cup celery, chopped fine
1 green bell pepper, chopped fine
1 cup green onions, thinly sliced
1 (4 oz) can diced green chiles
1 (14 oz) can black-eyed peas, drained and rinsed
1 (14 oz) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 (14 oz) can white corn, drained
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup canola or vegetable oil

Combine all in a bowl and serve with Fritos Scoops! 

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Removing a Textured Ceiling: A Huge DIY project!

My arms are dying--my shoulders feel like they are bruised beyond repair (they aren't). My neck hurts horribly to just turn my head.

I mentioned on Tuesday that Jerry and I had quite an adventure. I don't know if "adventure" is really the right word, but we definitely had an interesting afternoon.

Was it from my bipolar? I have no idea. It definitely sounds like a very bipolar thing for me to do--knocking out a wall on a whim--hahah! But I'm pretty excited about what we've been doing for (as far as home improvements) for the last few days.

It started very simply--"Let's take out these cabinets!"--so that we could (eventually) turn the snack bar into a real snack bar, and put stools next to the countertop. The cabinets were hanging right in the way, so that if you were sitting on a barstool, your forehead would be in line with the cabinets. We have a very large kitchen, so I knew we didn't need the cupboard space; I just decided to move the glasses out of that cupboard and see what we could do.

I got everything prepared for when Jerry woke up, so that he could help me remove the cupboards (I knew I'd be stupid to try that alone!). I had everything prepped, and Jerry just sleepily said, "Sure!" when I asked him about it. Poor guy ;)

We removed the cupboards. Then, I felt like the wall was in the way; the only reason it was there was because it was holding the cabinets up. So, I said, "Hey, let's knock down this wall!" We verified that it wasn't a necessary wall to hold the ceiling up, and then we took it down.

This is after we removed the cupboards--I wish I'd taken before photos!

Jerry loved this part! He kept blaming my bipolarity, but honestly, he was thrilled to do something so "crazy". So, this is what it looks like after removing the cupboards and the wall:

Once the cupboard and wall were down, we couldn't stop exclaiming how much better it looked! (Since I forgot to take a before picture--I always do--so I searched and found one of Jerry and I before we even moved in. It's not great, but it'll do.)

We clearly have to mud and paint and all of that, but I love it so far.

Since we had to prioritize the kitchen, we decided we would do the ceiling first, then paint the trim and cupboards, then paint the walls, and finally replace the floor.

About the ceiling... I hate it. It's the thing I hate most about our house, but it has always sounded so impossible to get rid of it. We have a textured ceiling--not a popcorn ceiling, but something called a "stomped" ceiling. It looks like someone put sponges on their shoes and stomped around on the ceiling. (In the picture below, you can see the texture versus where we started to remove it.)

From everything I've read, removing a stomped ceiling is nearly impossible, and it's a TON of work. Removing a popcorn ceiling seems fairly easy, but of course our house wouldn't have the "easy" fix. Which is why I've never attempted it. But yesterday, I was ready to just give it a whirl. My method was simple: Spray the ceiling with water, and use a scraper to scrape it off.

It was a little messy. We had a huge plastic sheet to cover things, but we found it really didn't help that much anyway.

The scraping actually worked really well! The texture was coming off pretty easily. There were several places where I made little nicks that would need a touch of spackle, but otherwise, it looked a million times better. It made a HUGE mess, which was unavoidable. I had tried using a special sort of textured ceiling remover tool (which caught the mess in a bag), but it didn't work nearly as good as the regular old scraper.

I got the hallway, dining room, and kitchen done yesterday. When I looked at it today, I realized I'd have to go over it again to smooth the whole thing out (and fill in the nicks with spackle). I'm very happy with how it looks, though, so once we get these rooms prepped, we're going to do the bedrooms and living room.

Jerry and I made a new budget after we paid off our debt, and it involves home improvements. We'll pay an extra $1,000 on the Jeep each month, and anything leftover from that will go toward home improvement. Removing the textured ceilings takes very little money, so it's a good place to start.

I worked on the ceilings again all day today--trying to make them as smooth as possible. After talking to Becky about it, she insisted that we would need to sand the whole thing before painting, and I hate the thought of that--so much dust!--but we certainly don't want to have to do this again any time soon, so we're going to do it right!

So, removing a textured ceiling is simple: spray with water; scrape with scraper; repeat. I wish is was as easy as it is simple, but it's actually not! I'm going to spend the next few days sanding the ceiling, prepping it for paining. I also need to get the ceiling in the rest of the house ready to prime and paint (i.e. I need to remove the textured ceiling from the bedrooms and living room).

Anyway, I just wanted to check in... this is why I've been too busy to blog! ;) My shoulders are so sore that it actually hurts to type, hahaha. But I will continue to post progress pictures (hopefully it looks better as we progress! haha). But so far, even though it has a long way to go, I like it so much more!

Have any of you removed a popcorn or "stamped" ceiling? Any advice? (I'm falling asleep as I type this, so I'm not going to proof read. I apologize for grammatical or spelling errors!)

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I have a niece!!

As the title of my post spoils, I now have a niece!

I only became an aunt 17 months ago, and ohmygosh--I LOVE it. Luke is seriously the cutest. kid. ever. He's actually staying the night at my house right now, for the second time this week!

On Saturday evening, Becky called me and said that she was having some contractions. Nothing crazy, but because her labor with Luke was so short (I think it was only six hours from the time she first started having contractions until he was born) she wanted to be prepared. My mom and I were "on call" to take care of Luke if Becky should go into labor.

So, I got the call, and then I went right to Brian and Becky's house (Brian was just arriving home from a work-flight from Mexico City). Becky wasn't in pain or anything, but her contractions were gradually getting more intense. Brian went to bed to hopefully get some sleep before anything major happened, and Becky and I stayed up and chatted. Until 3:00 in the morning, haha.

(It was kind of fascinating that, as we were having conversation, I could literally see her contractions in her belly. At first I thought it was just the baby moving around, but when I noticed it was very regular, she said it was the contraction. So I could see it each time she was having one! I was so obese during my pregnancies that I could never see anything cool like that.)

I finally went to bed (at their house) and thought for sure I'd be waking up with Luke in the morning. But Becky's contractions stopped, and it turned out to be a false alarm. I still brought Luke home with me to stay the night, just in case things happened for real.

Sunday, nothing. Monday, nothing. Luke had been almost two weeks early, so we were all so sure that baby girl would be early, too (Becky's due date was August 31st).

Tuesday, I had cross country practice until 8:00. I was completely exhausted from all of the events of the week (aside from lots of things going on, I got almost no sleep for three days in a row). After cross country, I was so looking forward to a chill evening. I had just changed into my pajamas when I got a call from Becky.

I could tell just from the way she was talking that it wasn't a false alarm. She sounded pretty uncomfortable, but she said it wasn't a huge rush-out-the-door-right-now kind of thing. Since I had gone last time, I asked my mom if she would like to go, and she headed out immediately (she even realized later that she forgot her purse at home, because she rushed out the door so quickly!).

Becky's call had been at 8:50. My mom was out the door by 9:00, and it's about a 35 minute drive to their house. When my mom got there, Brian and Becky were in the car in the driveway, waiting to leave--apparently, things were progressing FAST.

My mom stayed with Luke, who was sleeping. Brian and Becky went to the hospital, and got there at 10:08. They learned it was too late for an epidural or... anything, really... because baby girl was born at 10:31!! Literally just 23 minutes after they got to the hospital.

I was so glad that my mom had gone instead of me, because when Becky said it wasn't a huge emergency, I probably would have put together an overnight bag and left about 15 minutes later than my mom had.

Brian and Becky hadn't decided on a name for her, so all I learned last night was that she was born at 10:31 and she was 6 lbs, 14 oz. Today, I learned that her name is Riley Jo.

Brian brought Luke to the hospital this morning to meet his baby sister, and then my mom went down there to pick him up and bring him to my house. So, I haven't even met Riley yet! But I've had so much fun having Luke over. (A 17-month old is a little more entertaining than a 1-day old baby, so I'm totally cool with it.) Also, Jerry and I had quite an adventure this afternoon, which I'll write about later. ;)

I'll meet Riley tomorrow when I bring Luke home. But for now, Brian said I could share a few photos!

Brian took this photo for Jerry--Riley is already doing the "Jerry face" for her photos ;)

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My 8-Week Challenge: First Month Update

Well, I'll start by spoiling the ending: there really isn't much to update.

(I also don't have any photos to go with this post, so I'll just share this picture of my cats making themselves comfortable. Jerry and I were watching a movie, and I had my feet propped up on his lap. The cats took over, as usual.)

A month ago, I wrote about starting "fresh" with diet and exercise--following a training plan and counting calories. After feeling mildly depressed for several months, and having picked up some weight, I was feeling fired up and ready to just get back to feeling better about myself. I'd been having such a hard time getting back on track with... well, my whole life, basically.

I did great at first! I started counting calories again, and it was really hard to get used to. But mostly, I was happy that I was following the training plan (Hal Higdon's Novice 8K plan). I was doing the cross training, the strength training. Everything!

And then I missed a day, and I can't remember why--I know I was busy with something, and I just told myself I'd do it the next day. I didn't end up doing that, and you know how it goes (or maybe you don't...) missing one day made it easier to miss a second, and so on.

Thankfully, I haven't gained any weight since starting the plan! But I haven't lost any, either.

I am most definitely not going to start any new "challenges" for myself. I can't even count how many times I've started a challenge, posted about it on my blog, and then quit. The first time is embarrassing. The fourth, fifth... (thirtieth!) time is just shameful.

So, I haven't totally quit trying--I try every day!--but I'm not officially doing a particular challenge or anything. It's been a crazy hot and humid summer, which has made running a pretty miserable experience. I did run in the worst of the heat and humidity, but I didn't enjoy it at all.

When I started feeling really good about myself last year, after my diagnosis, medication, and a great therapy session, I vowed that I would only do what makes me happy. Running does make me feel better, almost every time I do it; I wouldn't do it otherwise. But, running when it's 90 degrees and the moisture in the air is actually palpable is dreadful.

I'm not trying to make excuses, even though it sounds like I am. Over the years, I've said lots of things and then changed my mind later. I had hoped that by posting about my plan, and creating a challenge for myself, I'd be motivated to see it through. It was only eight weeks, after all! While it's embarrassing to admit that I didn't even make it halfway through, I like to think that it wasn't totally useless. Maybe it contributed to my not gaining any weight--and that's a good thing.

Last year, I felt like I had finally found the perfect balance--eating like a "normal" person, not worrying about calories, not forcing myself to run when I didn't want to, just doing what felt "right". I don't know whether it was feeling depressed that made me stop doing what felt "right", or if it was the other way around--if I started to run again because my body felt "soft" and I wanted to get back in shape, and then became unhappy.

Right now, my gut instinct is telling me to do what makes me feel happy--regardless of everything--but I'm feeling really torn. So, I'm not going to make any plans right now. Clearly, writing out my goals hasn't been helpful lately. It's also caused me a ton of anxiety. I'd like to just stop and take a breath and figure out what it REALLY is that I want. Do I want to work really hard and get back in shape? Or do I want to just do what makes me feel (genuinely) happy? Or, best of all, can I find some place in between?

I realize how irritating this must be to read... "Seriously, Katie?! Make up your mind for once in your goddamn life!"

I agree. I'm just as frustrated with my lack of decision-making ability about everything lately. So, I'm going to try to just go with the flow right now, and see what happens.

Interestingly, I'm actually not feeling that bad about myself right now, and I'm certainly not beating myself up about it--in fact, I feel pretty good about accepting this (never-ending) struggle. I know that sounds odd, but maybe I'm finally making a turnaround after switching up my meds. Let's hope it continues!

(Cross country season started yesterday, and I'm coaching with Renee again. I'll write more about that later, but it'll be nice to have a new focus!)

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My Weight Loss Journey: Nine Years Later

Nine years ago, I weighed 253 pounds.

Every year on August 19th, I remember a little less about what my life was like as a morbidly obese person; the memories get more distant and fuzzy as the time goes on. I've started looking at that as a good thing--each year that goes by means it's one year more that I've kept (most) of the weight off.

Nine years ago, I hated the way I looked, I hated the way I felt, and I hated that I couldn't seem to get control over it. I hated always worrying about my weight and how it was affecting my life. Here is a whole post about the things I hated about being obese.

I had no idea that August 19, 2009 was going to be the last day that I would weigh 253 pounds. I thought that I was just attempting for the umpteenth time to lose weight. Sometimes I theorize over what made this time different and why I was successful at losing the weight, but I don't think I'll ever really know for sure.

Whenever people ask me for my best weight loss advice, I always say the same thing: Don't make any changes you're not willing to live with forever. I think that is probably one of the biggest keys in successfully losing the weight and keeping it off. I kept it super simple--eating less food--and at that time, that's all I was willing to do. I didn't want to do a particular "diet" plan, knowing that I had tried them so many times before and failed.

Sometimes, I would lose 30, 40, or even 50 pounds before gaining it all back--because the changes I'd made weren't ones that I was willing to live with forever. This time around, I knew I could handle eating less food as long as I was able to continue to eat only the foods I enjoyed. I wanted to eat my pizza, cookies, pasta, and other foods that were staples for me at that time; I also wanted to lose weight. So, I compromised and found something that I could live with. I would continue to eat what I wanted, but I would eat less of it.

And--surprise, surprise--it worked!

I love this "goal weight photo" my dear friend Stephanie took of me

I think that doing things my OWN way was what kept me going. If I came across a roadblock, then I found a way around it that worked for ME. Yes, I've counted Weight Watchers Points (the "old" system) and I've counted calories--but I didn't do specific programs right to the letter. I found that I was starving when I ate recommended amounts of Points or calories, so I added what I felt was reasonable. Is that "cheating"? Nope! It's just a way of making the plan a long-term plan that I could stick with.

Eventually, my tastebuds did change a bit, and I began to eat some healthier foods--but only because I enjoyed them. I still eat pizza, cookies, and pasta regularly, and as long as I'm not emotionally overeating or binge eating, I can maintain my weight that way. I also love cabbage and Asian pears and cauliflower and (especially) grapes.

Emotional eating has certainly made weight maintenance a challenge--over and over again. Having bipolar disorder means my moods take really dramatic shifts. When I'm hypomanic, I have no problem eating less food and getting in lots of activity. But when I'm depressed, I have no energy and I eat way too much of the foods I find comforting in order to feel better. Hypomanic = weight loss; depression = weight gain. (Unfortunately, hypomania is NOT fun because it comes with a ton of anxiety. Ideally, I would have a very even mood, nothing too far "up" or "down".)

(Right now, I am at a higher weight--154, today. I was mildly depressed for a long while, contributing to the gain. I no longer feel depressed, but I am still working on leveling out my mood (and my diet). This photo below, a recent one, stands out to me because I can tell by the way I'm standing and the look on my face that I feel very self-conscious of the extra weight.)

Jerry's and my 15-year anniversary was a few days ago, on the 16th. It's kind of funny--we had been planning on "starting our diet" (for the millionth time) on August 16th of 2009, because we thought our anniversary sounded like a good time to make a fresh start.

So, on August 15th, we went out for our "last meal"--basically just eating waaaay too much at Red Lobster. I still remember what I consumed: a huge margarita (probably two, actually); three cheese biscuits; a Caesar salad; the "create your own shrimp trio"--coconut shrimp, shrimp scampi, and shrimp alfredo; a baked potato with butter and sour cream; and cheesecake for dessert.

The next morning, we started the day with good intentions. And by dinnertime, we'd already given up on the diet plan we'd chosen (I think it was the "6 Week Body Makeover"--anyone remember that?). I spent the next couple of days feeling like a failure because, yet again, I couldn't make myself do it. My sister coincidentally called me on the evening of the 18th (she rarely called me, so I was curious), and asked me if I would do Weight Watchers with her.

To be honest, I didn't want to. I was feeling sorry for myself and I just felt defeated. However, my sister is kind of intimidating. She's very extroverted, talkative, outgoing--basically, everything that I am not. I was too nervous to say no! (Looking back, I realize it was ridiculous to feel intimidated; but I only started to stand up for what *I* really want last year--regardless of how it would make others feel about me.)

So, I told her I would. And then on the 19th, I saw that I weighed 253 pounds. I really wanted to make it through the day on track because my sister had said she would call each evening to see how it was going. I hated every second of that first day, starting with breakfast. If you've been reading my blog for a while, then you know that there is one food that I really can't stand, and it's yogurt. I also don't love salad (sometimes I get in the mood for them, but in general, salad is not a food I choose often).

Jerry was surprised when I ordered salad for dinner!

What did I eat on my first day? Yogurt for breakfast. And salad! It's no wonder why I hated it. After sticking to it for the whole day, and vowing not to disappoint my sister on Day 2, I decided that I was going to have to do things MY way. No yogurt. No salad. Only eat foods that I enjoy. Once I let myself really give way to that "rule", I wasn't so spiteful about putting in the work to losing weight. I still didn't believe I would actually continue beyond a week or two, but at least I wasn't eating yogurt for breakfast ;)

(Side note: I've gotten a lot of criticism over the years for eating junk food. I've had people tell me that it's the junk food that makes me gain weight. But I've eaten my favorite foods--desserts!--throughout my entire weight loss, from 253 pounds to 121 pounds and everything in between. My weight gains and losses aren't due to WHAT I'm eating, but rather HOW MUCH I'm eating.)

It actually took me a long time to feel like the way I was eating was "worth it". I felt like the scale should have been dropping like crazy, considering I wasn't eating even half of what I used to. After I'd lost 10 pounds, I was really excited for Jerry to take a comparison photo of me (we had taken "before" photos on August 15, 2009). I felt so much lighter and thinner, and I couldn't wait to see the progress in photos.

You literally couldn't see an ounce of difference in the photos! I was very upset and I told Jerry that I wanted to quit. He'd asked me if I felt that my change in diet was worth the 10-pound weight loss (he was trying to be encouraging). I said that measuring out my portions wasn't worth it because you couldn't see any difference, so what was the point?

I don't remember what he said to me that day, but it must have been good, because I didn't quit. I felt like the change in my body was very drastic, but nobody even commented that I looked like I'd lost weight until I was down 40 pounds. It was discouraging! But by that point, I had the determination it took to see it through, even though I wasn't motivated all the time.

After that, the physical changes started happening much more frequently. I was so excited each time my jeans went down a size! I started cutting into squares each pair of jeans that became too big on me (save for one pair that I still have) and sewing them together in a quilt.

As I continued my weight loss, I adjusted things here and there to make the lifestyle work FOR me and not against me. I learned that I feel best when I eat mostly carbs and fat. I learned that caffeine feeds my anxiety. I learned that I much prefer small portions of full-fat products instead of larger quantities of the low calorie or low fat versions. And I learned that Weight Watchers ice cream tasted like cardboard.

Maintenance is something that I still haven't figured out. From what I've learned about my body, my weight tends to swing by a huge amount--up to 30 pounds--depending on my moods. I used to think that was totally unacceptable because everything I'd read said you should keep your weight within a five pound range. After nine years (well, eight years since I reached my goal), I've realized that a five-pound range probably isn't a realistic goal for me. While I'm never thrilled to have gained weight, I've kept off about 100 pounds for 8 years! That's a pretty big deal.

A few days ago, on Jerry's and my anniversary, he asked me what my favorite thing about our 15 years of marriage was. I took some time to think about it, because how does one process 15 years of memories?! Finally, I said it was getting healthy together. When we lost the weight (Jerry lost 85 pounds!), we both FELT so much better. Our lives didn't revolve around food. We were more active. We set a much better example for our kids.

Like I said, my memories of being morbidly obese have been getting fuzzier as time goes on, but when I think about what that felt like, it just gives me a bad feeling. I was always out of breath and I never wanted to go anywhere (for fear of seeing someone I knew). I hated buying clothes. Here is a post I wrote about the things I hated while I was obese.

I think the biggest drawback to having lost 125 pounds and keeping most of it off for so long is the fact that I will always be fearful of gaining it back. Each time my weight goes up significantly, I wonder if it will be "the time" that I gain it all back. I wish that I didn't think about my weight. However, if I ignore it, it gets out of control. Someday, it'd be nice to find a nice medium--a weight that I am comfortable with AND where I don't worry about gaining all of the weight back.

When Jerry asked me in 2009, "Is it worth it?" I said no. Nine years later, after being given SO many opportunities and life-changing events due to my weight loss; setting a good example for my kids; living an active life; feeling good about myself (the majority of the time); and, knowing I can really do anything that I am determined to do, I can say yes--it was worth it.

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15 Years of Marriage in a Nutshell

I cannot believe Jerry and I have been married for 15 years already (and together for 19)! I feel like we look WAY younger than we are (but we didn't get carded at all today when buying drinks, so maybe we actually do look old).

We didn't really do anything special for our anniversary (old-school dinner and a movie), but I did spend some time this morning thinking about my favorite memories over the last 15 years. We were married on August 16, 2003 (the weekend of "the blackout" that wiped out the power of most of the east coast and into the midwest).

So, here are my favorite memories and a photo to represent each one for the last 15 years. Jerry is amazing (I really can't even describe just how amazing he is) and I don't know how to express it. We've certainly had our ups and downs over the years, but I could not be any luckier to have met him when I did.

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2003 - Yeah, yeah, we got married in August. But my favorite memory from 2003 was actually moving in together--we bought our own house and it was super exciting for us to do something new together. We'd been together for over four years at that point, but we never actually moved in together until the wedding.

2004 - Well, if I don't say that we had a baby, then what kind of mother am I? ;) The baby was due in July, so we prepped the best we could by way of advice of other parents (thank GOD that Pinterest wasn't a "thing" back then). Jerry and I were TERRIFIED of being new parents and so scared that we would "break the baby".  Eventually, Jerry was always playing the song "Junior Senior" and dancing around with Noah like he was a rag doll. Looking at the video now, it's probably sketchy as to whether it was safe or not. But Noah turned out a'ight!

2005 - I was pregnant with Eli in 2005, and Jerry came with me to an ultrasound when I wasn't very far along in the pregnancy (I'd had some spotting and cramping, and the doctor wanted to make sure everything was okay). When the image showed up on the screen, all you could see was a tiny sac that looked like a grape--the baby wasn't even big enough to be seen. But Jerry looked at the screen and thought the grape-like sac was the baby's EYE. He said (really excitedly): "Oh look! There's it's eye! It's blinking!!" The doctor turned his head away to hide his smile while I explained to Jerry that he would have to wait a little longer before seeing the baby's eye, hahaha.

2006 - Just seven days into the new year, we welcomed Eli to our family. We were pro's at parenting by this time, so we let Eli pretty much raise himself and we trusted he'd turn out good. We did all right! He's a great kid.

2007 - The kids used to get SO EXCITED to watch for Jerry to get home from work. They would watch out the window for his truck, and then wait for him to come inside so they could jump all over him. There was one day in the winter of 2007 where Jerry came home and threw a snowball at the window. The kids burst out laughing, and he threw a few more. We have a video of it, and Noah's voice was adorable as he turned around to tell me, "Daddy is--he's throwing some snowballs!" Even now, we say that phrase a lot when it's snowing.

2008 - We went to Double JJ's Ranch with the kids, and my mom came along so she could watch the kids and let us have some time to ourselves. We didn't do anything special (just going down the water slides a thousand times each!) but we had a great trip.

2009 - This is a small memory, but very distinct. I took the kids to a splash pad (it had a few inches of water with a big fountain in the center) and was watching them play. Jerry got off work and surprised us by showing up. In true Jerry-style, he ran up to the kids and threw himself down into doing the "worm" in the water, totally soaking his clothes. The kids thought it was hilarious, and I loved watching them laugh. He is the very definition of a fun dad.

2010 - The year I broke my face. After putting the kids to bed one evening, I fainted and fell flat on my face, breaking my jaw completely through in five places. It was horrifying. I spent six days in the hospital, and had two reconstructive surgeries. This is actually a favorite memory of mine because Jerry was SO caring (despite everyone at the hospital thinking that he punched me in the face and broke my jaw!).

He stayed home from work for a couple of weeks (thanks to my family, who made that financially possible) and took care of everything that I needed--giving me my meds on schedule, blending up smoothies (my jaw was wired shut), driving me to appointments, and just generally making me as comfortable as he could. Jerry is known for being a jokester, which I LOVE, but he can get serious when he needs to (although, he DID make me laugh really hard which was nearly impossible with my jaw wired shut!).

2011 - In April, we went on a vacation with my family to Tennessee. We road tripped it there, and when we were out in the middle of nowhere, I saw a really old school bus--rusted, windows busted out, looking like it'd been there for decades. I made a comment to Jerry that it looks like it's from a horror movie, and I went on to describe a scene that I pictured. Later, when we were passing by the bus, Eli (in the back seat) told Noah that there were skeletons on the bus from kids that died there and that he could see them if he looked really hard. Hahaha! Kids are always listening.

2012 - One summer day, Jerry and I decided to go to the Metropark and recreate some photos we'd taken in 2009. We both looked so different, and it was fun to make the same poses in the same spots. We also pretended that we were taking cheesy senior photos, and we had a blast with the poses we came up with!

2013 - Just after the new year, Jerry and I were on a plane to Miami to meet up with 11 strangers I met on the internet. You all know the story (if you haven't seen the documentary, then watch it! It's on Netflix now. I was SO young in the interview... sigh). I ran from Miami to Key West on a Relay Team, while Jerry drove down with the "Wolfpack" spouses. We spent a few days in Key West, and we had a BLAST on Duval Street each night. We felt like a couple of young 21-year olds!

2014 - One Saturday morning, I decided that I wanted to drive up to Cadillac, Michigan (because bipolar) for a 10K race they were having on Sunday. Jerry thought it'd be fun, too (he's used to my impulsivity). So, several hours later, we made the drive up to Cadillac--playing music and singing along in the car. The race was such a blast--unlike ANY other race I've done. And best of all, Jerry and I each won first place in our age group! (Granted, we also came in LAST place in our age groups, because the race was so small that we were the only ones in our group.)

2015 - I was sidelined from running due to a stress fracture, but Jerry and I were signed up for the Detroit Free Press International Half-Marathon. So, we decided to go, and just have fun with it--walk most of it, high-five spectators, eat the bacon and drink the shots of bourbon one of the spectators was handing out, and just enjoy the scenery. We had SO much fun! We walked over the Ambassador Bridge, high-fived border patrol, walked/ran along the river on the Canadian side, went through the tunnel back to the U.S. (where we got a selfie of one of us standing on the U.S. side of the border and one of us on the Canadian side). That was one of the funnest races I've ever done.

2016 - This is another memory that sounds terrible, but something good came of it. Our cat, Chandler, who we adopted from the shelter just after we got married and moved in together, had to be euthanized in a moment's notice. I thought he just needed an antibiotic, and I had a friend visiting from out of town. Jerry took Chandler to the vet and I went for a walk at the park with my friend. A mile into my walk, Jerry called me, and I could tell he was crying (which was a rarity).

When he told me that we had to make a decision right NOW, I was overwhelmed. But he told me what the vet said, and there wasn't even time for me to get there. So, Jerry stayed with Chandler while he was put down, and I'd never heard him talk with so much compassion as he did when he told me about Chandler. I was so grateful that he was able to be there in that moment and to be strong when I really needed him. It was a huge heartbreak for both of us.

2017 - Jerry and I aren't exactly what you would call gardeners. Our landscaping (if you can call it that) consists of things I don't know whether are weeds or actual plants. Anyway, our hostas were getting way too big, and I asked my neighbor to show me how to split them (she's amazing at gardening). She showed us, and it looked super easy. But when we tried to do it, we screwed it all up SO BADLY that we were both crying with laughter. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was the hardest I've ever laughed in my life. We were doubled over, wheezing and gasping, with tears running down our faces, unable to say more than one or two words at a time. (Kind of like when we tried to do yoga when we were fat!)

2018 - So far, my favorite memory of this year is probably going to Ben & Jerry's in Vermont specifically to order a Vermonster--an ice cream sundae with 20 scoops of ice cream, bananas cookies, brownies, hot fudge, hot caramel, nuts, whipped cream, M&M's, and sprinkles. We'd seen in years ago on the Food Network, and Eli (who has a sweet tooth as big as mine) asked if we could get the Vermonster one day. Well, "one day" finally happened this past April! We ate the whole thing, minus the bananas ;)

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