August 19, 2020

11 Years Ago, I Weighed 253 Pounds

I'm pretty sure I write about this every year on this day, but it's a significant day to me. Other than the birth of my children, this day in 2009 was probably the biggest game changer of my life. (My favorite post I've written on this anniversary date can be found here: Fed Up!)

It was on August 19, 2009 that I stepped on the scale and saw 253.0 pounds. It was my highest weight other than when I was pregnant with Eli (I got up to 271 when I was pregnant). On this day (it was a Wednesday, which is why I've always done my "official" weigh-ins on Wednesdays), I started counting Weight Watchers Points. 

I really had no idea that I was going to stick with it as long as I did. I had tried losing weight a trillion times before and I didn't think this time would be any different. 

There was one thing that I did differently this time around: I decided that I wasn't going to make any changes that I wasn't willing to do for the rest of my life. Note that I wrote "willing to"--not "can". Technically, I CAN make pretty much any change for the rest of my life--but I'm not willing to do a lot of those things. (I wrote a post about it here: The "Golden Rule" That Helped Me Lose 125 Pounds.)

Whenever I'd tried to lose weight before, I made dietary changes that I figured would be the fastest way to lose weight. I was only thinking in the short term; the long term plans weren't even an issue for me. And that is why I was never successful at losing the weight. 

This time around, 11 years ago, I decided I was only going to make changes that I was willing to do forever if that's what it took. My weight loss story is all over my blog, so I won't recap the whole thing here.

But I do like to think back to what it felt like to be 253 pounds. It was so long ago that I tend to forget why I wanted to lose the weight. Here are some things that I remember from before I lost the weight:

I wanted to be able to play with my kids rather than just sit and watch them play.

I wanted to be able to bend over and tie my shoes without having to hold my breath.

I hated that I always felt out of breath. I would cover the mouthpiece of my phone after answering so that the person on the other end couldn't hear my breathlessness.

I was always tugging at my shirt and adjusting my pants to try to hide the rolls of fat, especially in photos. And I would always use my kids or other people to shield me in photos in order to be as invisible as possible.

It's funny--in the pictures below, I actually tried to hide behind a couple of accessories. In my size 24 dress, I used a black sash to try to cover my stomach. And in the other picture, I wore a scarf to try to hide my double chin. Hahaha!

I wore Jerry's size 2XL work t-shirts all the time. I didn't have clothes that fit me because I hated shopping so much. I wore the same few pairs of pants (size 24W) and Jerry's shirts. And Crocs! Because I couldn't tie my shoes, I wore slip-on Crocs most of the time.

I couldn't wrap a bath towel all the way around my body. There was a huge gap in the front.

I wanted to wear cute lingerie so badly, but I didn't feel pretty or worthy enough to wear it. I remember buying my first teddy after losing the weight. I (and Jerry!) loved it ;)

I never felt pretty. I was told all the time that I had "such a pretty face" (why is that so cliché?) but I couldn't see it. If someone complimented me, I thought they were just saying it to be polite. I couldn't fathom the possibility that their compliment may have been sincere.

Some may find it surprising, but I wasn't lazy. I refused to fit that stereotype. I used to take the stairs in office buildings (even if it was several flights up). I parked far from the door in parking lots. I took my kids places like the zoo, where there was a lot of walking. I WANTED to be lazy, but I didn't want to fit that "fat" stereotype.

There are so many other things that I could write about from back then. I actually wrote a post called 100 Ways My Life Changed When I Lost 100 Pounds, and it describes a lot of these in detail.

My weight has gone up and down more times than I can count over the past 11 years, but I've managed to keep most of the weight off. My life is completely different in a lot of ways--I feel better, I look better, I'm healthier--but there are a lot of things that haven't changed much as well. I will always feel self-conscious of my size (even when I was wearing a size 2, I felt uncomfortable). I still don't *love* exercise. I still eat junk food. I still think about my weight way too much and put too much importance on it.

However, the positives far outweigh the negatives. And I need to remind myself every year that I am far better off now than I was before. When I remember how I felt on this day in 2009, I am grateful that I don't have to feel that way anymore. 

Whether I'm having up days or down days, I am always trying to improve myself and feel my best. I have so much to be grateful for, but I am always in pursuit of my happiest life :)

I wanted to post a good "after" photo here, but there never really IS an "after" in my story. There are so many ups and downs! So instead of choosing a photo based on my weight, I decided to choose a fairly recent photo from when I felt extremely good about myself. 

I put in MONTHS of blood, sweat, and tears (and lots of bruises) to remodel my home. I was SO proud of my entire DIY project and I couldn't believe how much I had done. Things I never could have imagined. I taught myself so much and I felt like I could do anything!

So, here is a photo to represent that. Wearing my ratty painting/work clothes standing in the kitchen that I had completely made over, I felt amazing. (Here is the page with all of my DIY projects that I did to makeover my house)


  1. That is the best "after" photo! It's not just about weight but about feeling good about yourself and all that you can do!

  2. Wauw, your redo is amazing!

  3. Ive loved being apart of your journey from the beginning. You are real and authentic! Your journey is far from over! Our journey is never ending! ❤️

  4. You have so much to be proud of! Not just your weight loss but your DIY skills and your beautiful home, your healthy lifestyle, your children and your husband! I've so loved following your journey all these years! I found your blog in 2012, that feels so long ago now! Just keep living your best life!!

  5. Happy anniversary of making such a big change! I love the pic of you in your remodeled kitchen. You've done so many amazing projects! :)

  6. I am trying to draw inspiration from you after so many false starts and stops of my own. I started doing really well before the pandemic and then rapidly put it all back on. I am hoping figure out a way to do it your way, only doing things I am "willing" to do forever. Still so hard, though!

  7. As usual, another inspiring post. Here's to many more years of happiness for just being who you are. Go you!

  8. Katie—You and I have had our ups and downs in these last 11 years haven’t we? I’m up again after ACHIEVING WW LIFETIME last Nov. 1. I thought I had it lucked, this desire to overeat the wrong kinds of food. Then the Pandemic hit, my meetings stopped, at last the in person weigh-ins and workshops that kept me inspired each week. So here I sit—50 lbs over goal and struggling every day. I know I can find my way back because I never want to be that 328-lb. woman again—So limited in everything I tried to do. Fifty pounds isn’t much compared to that 178 lbs. I lost from 2009-2011. I can get it off once again!!

  9. That "after" photo are a badass Katie!!!

  10. You are awesome and an inspiration to so many! Keep on keeping on.

  11. I keep coming back to your blog. You were always my inspiration and I need inspiration now more than ever!
    Lori (quad mama)


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