August 08, 2020

My History With Coffee (and why I torture myself once a year)

Note, that photo is a year old. My face has filled out a bit more since then! Hahaha

I wasn't planning to write about this today, but I made the mistake of drinking a cup of regular coffee (not decaf). (I say "mistake" as in "it was stupid of me", not to be confused with "accidentally").

I purposely drank a cup of caffeinated coffee today.

Way back in 2010 (and prior) I was a regular coffee drinker and had no problem with it. Sometime in 2010 or 2011, I realized that it made my anxiety skyrocket. The week before I was on The Dr. Oz Show in 2011, I quit drinking it because I was SO nervous for the show and the last thing I needed was more anxiety.

I had the worst headache of my life for about five days, and nothing would relieve it. But once I got over that, I was scared to drink coffee again. Every once in a while, though, I'll drink it just with the hope that it won't have that affect on me anymore.

What is the definition of insanity, again?

The caffeine makes me very jittery, nauseous, irritable, and anxious. I want to be one of those people who loves coffee! (Why? I have no idea. But I could use a pick-me-up once in a while if it didn't come with the awful side effects) I do love my decaf coffee with cream and sugar, and I've been having that as a treat after dinner lately.

While intermittent fasting, I do a "clean fast"--meaning that I don't consume anything but plain water, black coffee, or unflavored black tea during my fasting hours. Today, at around 3:00, Jerry was making coffee and I was feeling tired after a very busy morning/afternoon. On a whim, I asked him to pour me a cup (a small cup--like 6 oz).

I thought I would hate drinking it black, but it actually wasn't bad! I definitely prefer to have it with sugar and heavy cream, though.

Anyway, I drank this small cup of coffee and felt fine. Until about 4:00. 

I started to feel really nauseous and I got shaky. I felt incredibly anxious for no reason. Ugh, I hate that caffeine does this to me! I ate dinner, but I still felt really crappy afterward.

I've been doing my second 45-minute walk after dinner every day (on the treadmill, so I can watch Sweet Magnolias--love it!). Yesterday, I felt great--and I even ran for a little bit! Today, my heart rate was high from the very start and I just couldn't bring myself to do more than walking at 3.5 mph with 0% incline for the entire 45 minutes (usually, this feels very easy to me).

My heart rate was definitely higher than normal and my face felt really flushed. 

The stupid thing is, I do this to myself about once a year! I get the urge to try caffeinated coffee (because people love coffee and the "pick-me-up" sounds wonderful), but then I 100% regret it afterward.

Anyway, I am just going to lie down and either read some of my book or watch a scary movie on this Friday Saturday night. (I had to edit because I originally wrote Friday! See? Quarantine=Groundhog Day. Hahaha! I'll try and write something more interesting tomorrow. Have a great weekend!


  1. Pssst: it's Saturday, not Friday night :P

    1. Hahaha! I actually came on here to change it after posting because I realized I was wrong... and I saw your comment. Geez, I swear, I can't even tell if it's Monday, Thursday, Saturday, whatever. They all blend together with this quarantine stuff! ;)

    2. I very often have to really think about what day it is. My husband works from home now and so the days are really exactly the same over and over again.

    3. Maybe it doesn't matter what area of the city you live in anymore but some people get extremely territorial about the coffee they drink. I'm not like that but others are. And you're not only dealing with the territorials who do not like you enjoying what they are enjoying but you are also dealing with health freaks of the type who are called control freaks who insist on you following their list of what is good for you and what isn't good for your health. Then there are the image freaks who insist coffee doesn't fit a particular style or image. I seen alot of older looking people that drink coffee and look really good. Their skin looks seriously healthy like with a glow and their skin doesn't look sunken in ,taken in,flawed,or even browned.Some immature people just do not want you not to enjoy what they enjoy and they do not want you to get the same results they get from something they enjoy and if something you too could buy and enjoy. It doesn't mean that nothing unpleasant happens to anyone who drinks coffee (for example if you're
      sensitive to caffeine) or even decaf coffee but it is wrong to say that if coffee doesn't work for you it shouldn't work for anyone.

  2. It’s been 168 days since I quit! Best decision I ever made even though I’d been a junkie for almost 30 years and quitting was rough.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I have the same experience with caffeine! In 2012 I started a job that had a coffee shop on the first floor. I would get at least one large latte or cappuccino a day (in addition to soda and iced coffee). I was experiencing increasing anxiety, particularly while driving. I decided to cut out all caffeine cold turkey. Those first several days were pretty miserable, but then I felt great! The only time I have it now is if I have to drive late at night because wow, the effects of it on me now are super strong and it definitely keeps me awake. But as it leaves my body I feel just terrible and remember why I stay away from it. I have about the same reaction as when I was on Percoset after a surgery.

  5. I've never had a cup of coffee ever.I've only ever had a sip and immediately spit it out. I love the smell but don't love anything else about it.

  6. Katie- I could have written this myself! I love coffee (decaf only now) and like you, had to switch to decaf bc of my anxiety! A couple weeks ago, I felt pretty tired in the morning so I thought one cup of regular would be fine... it literally threw me into a panic attack!! Ugh- I wish there was some other alternative that would wake you up a little but not cause all of the other unwanted side effects!

    1. I am the same way, too! Can't stand the panic inducing effects of coffee :( I do love Crio Bru "choffee", it's made with ground cacao beans. It doesn't have caffeine, but it gives me that nice focused feeling, and it smells delicously like coffee. It's not thick like hot cocoa - it's more like a chocolate tea or black coffee. Also very tasty with some creamer :) Downside is it's not cheap, so I only get it every once in awhile as a treat!


I used to publish ALL comments (even the mean ones) but I recently chose not to publish those. I always welcome constructive comments/criticism, but there is no need for unnecessary rudeness/hate. But please--I love reading what you have to say! (This comment form is super finicky, so I apologize if you're unable to comment)

Featured Posts

Blog Archive