August 16, 2020

Anniversary Photos That I Almost Didn't Post

Today, Jerry and I have been married for 17 years. In some ways, it feels like forever; in others, it feels like we just got married yesterday. We both definitely feel like newlywed kids--even 17 years, two kids, a nephew, two nieces, a house, and several pets later.

Because of COVID, we didn't make any big plans for our anniversary today. What we really wanted to do was to go to Red Lobster and then to the movies--something we did ALL THE TIME when we were dating. Due to the circumstances, we decided to stay home, make a Doritos Taco Salad and watch a couple of movies with the kids. Basically a typical weekend night ;)

Jerry bought us something fun for our anniversary, and I was SO excited when I saw it. He can never wait more than three seconds to give me a gift, so the second it arrived in the mail, he told me he couldn't wait and he gave me the package straight from the mail.

He'd designed matching shirts for us to wear today! Hahaha, it was so random, but exactly something Jerry would do. And it's one of my favorite gifts ever, because it made me laugh and it was a fun inside joke between us.

He chose my very favorite photo of us (from like a hundred years ago--2013?--but still...) and wrote on it:

[chuckles]
Since 1999

Jerry and I have been together since May of 1999, which is why he put that year. And the [chuckles] is kind of an inside joke. In our "old age" these days, we watch TV with the captions on (my hearing isn't as sharp as it used to be).

When we first started using the captions, we would see the funniest descriptions (and we still do) and it would make us laugh together. Our favorite is "chuckles" because it's such a funny word and nobody really uses it. 

When we got the kittens, we started blending their names together--and when we said Chuck (Chick + Duck), we both burst out laughing and said we totally should have named one of them Chuckles. 

Anyway, that's where the "chuckles" came from on the shirts.

Every anniversary, we like to have one of the kids take a few pictures of us to collect as we age through the years. I've been so self-conscious lately of the weight I've gained and I've been avoiding the camera as much as possible (other than my daily "progress photo" for 75 Hard) but I still wanted to get photos today.

We each put on our t-shirt and posed while Noah took some pictures. I was feeling good because of all of the hard work I've been doing with 75 Hard; and then when I saw the pictures, I got really upset. I don't know what I was expecting, but I couldn't believe how big I look in them. I look the same size (if not bigger) than Jerry!



I really didn't want to share these pictures. I wanted to just pretend that everything was great and that I'm super happy with the progress I've made. I certainly didn't want to let this ruin our anniversary. 

But I keep telling myself that in 20, 30, 40 years, am I really going to care what my weight was today? Will it really matter if people judge me today for how I look? Maybe I'll lose the weight again and maybe I won't--but I'm sure that the most judgmental person is ME. Instead of seeing my husband of 17 years looking amazing and fun and happy, I was looking at a roll here or a bulge there on my body. (But seriously, doesn't Jerry look great?! He's been doing intermittent fasting since a few months before I started.)

Jerry couldn't understand what I was even talking about. He kept saying that I look amazing, and of course, I told him the's only saying that because he's my husband. When he compliments me, I have such a hard time believing it. 

I'm still not happy with how I look in these photos, but I'm going to post them. Because I'm proud that Jerry and I have been married for 17 years and we've been through all sorts of ups and downs. I'm not going to let these photos "ruin" our anniversary, and I'm going to continue to work on ME.

Maybe next year I'll be happy with our anniversary photos and maybe I won't; but these photos are a visual of a very stressful couple of years for me. They represent that things aren't always perfect, but we pull through. In a way, they even make me feel lucky because I have a husband that sees me as beautiful no matter what.

Jerry is my very best friend and I'm continuously in awe that he puts up with my "craziness". It's hard to be with someone who has bipolar disorder! To quote Forrest Gump, my very favorite movie, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Except "life" is me and he opens that's box daily--sometimes hourly! Hahaha.

"I'm gonna lean up against you, and you just lean right back against me. This way we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud..."

Jerry and I have literally NOTHING in common, but we somehow make our relationship work. I love to spend time with him, even if it's just sitting in the same room together. Some of my favorite parts of our relationship:

We quote from movies and TV shows completely randomly during conversations.
We balance each other out--he's an extrovert and I'm an introvert.
We agree on how we raise our kids.
Jerry is SO willing to take on chores/tasks around the house to make things easier on me when I'm stressed out or depressed. He is not afraid to do laundry or dishes and he never avoided changing a diaper when our kids were little.
We trust each other 100%. About everything.
We don't keep secrets from each other.
We do all sorts of goofy things that people would consider immature, but we have so much fun together.

And that's all I have to say about that. ;)


Just for fun... 





32 comments:

  1. I think you look great but I get it. I hate pictures of myself.

    To your CC joke, I have one. In the movie Deuce Bigelow, there's a scene where they're standing in a public bathroom talking and somebody is um, tearing up the bathroom. Well my CC said [s**t spattering in the toilet]

    I STILL laugh about that. They weren't going to white wash it at all 🤣

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  2. Happy anniversary! 17 years! That’s amazing! Wishing you both many many more happy Years together. You’re lucky to have each other.

    (Also, you look gorgeous!)

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  3. Wonderful photos! Happy anniversary!

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  4. You both look about 17 yrs old!!!! Happy Anniversary!

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  5. He's right, your beautiful, particularly when your smiling. I like the sitting leaning back on each other photo best. Congratulations on the 17 years. I hope you both keep smiling together for the next 17.

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  6. You are enough. You do enough. You are amazing and do amazing things. And, you are beautiful. Congratulations on 17 years!!!!

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  7. Thanks for sharing your pics. It's so hard for those of us who hate having our picture taken, but you are so right to decide to focus on the great things in the pictures and the beautiful life you have with Jerry and your kids! BTW, I love your current pics - you are both smiling and so happy with each other. That's what matters! And your wedding pics are great - I always love wedding pics...so full of hope and happiness :) Happy Anniversary!

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  8. Thanks for sharing your pics. It's so hard for those of us who hate having our picture taken, but you are so right to decide to focus on the great things in the pictures and the beautiful life you have with Jerry and your kids! BTW, I love your current pics - you are both smiling and so happy with each other. That's what matters! And your wedding pics are great - I always love wedding pics...so full of hope and happiness :) Happy Anniversary!

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  9. Happy Anniversary you both look great!!!!

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  10. You guys have the sweetest relationship, and you both still look soo young!

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  11. I love this post. To see how you’re accepting today and not letting outside factors effect you is awesome. And seeing the anniversary pics reminds me of one of the happiest days of my life. Glad I got to witness that day and still love you both more than ever.

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  12. Thanks for sharing those pics and being so real about everything. I dislike when bloggers cover up the real picture and want people to think everything is peachy when they know exactly what they are hiding. I respect people more for being honest and candid than I do for misrepresenting themselves. Live for yourself, not your audience. You're a lucky girl to have a husband that loves and supports you the way he does. My hubby is the same way and I am so grateful. I'm not easy to live with sometimes. :LOL

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  13. I think that it's great you shared your photo's you look amazing and happy and that is what is important and what you will look back on later and be so glad that you have these pictures.

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  14. Happy Aniversary congrats that a big accomplishment to still be together most don't last.thats the beauty of marriage someone is willing to stay with you and love you through the good times and the bad. Our bodies go through many changes through our lifetime don't let that rob you of happiness and being grateful of what you do have.

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  15. Wow, just Wow. The way you describe your relationship is so heartfelt - so happy for you both that you found each other and have had such a loving marriage. Happy Anniversary to you both.

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  16. Happy anniversary! I love your anniversary pics! Especially the Forest Gump one! Too cute! I think you look AMAZING! I never look at weight when I see a picture of someone, I look at how happy they look! And you look SO happy to be standing there with your husband! That's all that truly matters!

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  17. Love this post so much! Happy anniversary y'all! I think the photos are adorable. Y'all look so happy <3

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  18. You're very beautiful, very brave, and very blessed! Happy Anniversary!

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  19. You look great! I think we are always so hard on ourselves. I went to a wedding last weekend, and I cringed at pictures of me, because I have gained some weight the last five months of being home (I'm a teacher). Other people said they loved what I was wearing, but I couldn't get past how big I looked in the new clothes I bought.

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  20. You are so amazing! I have followed you for years and I love how freely you share your highs and lows. Happy Anniversary to you both! Your future self will be happy you took the photos.

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  21. Happy #17! When I look at pictures from the last 10 years, I always think either, “I was at goal then,” or “yuck, that was during one of my many regains.” I had hoped to be at goal for my 50th anniversary next month and possibly fit back into my wedding dress but with my 50-lb. pandemic regain, that’s not going to happen. Is the intermittent fasting helping with your weight at all? I should try it.

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  22. I can SOOO relate to this. We just had our 25th last week. Family beach vacation the week before and took some pics that I thought would be "anniversary" pics and I look AWFUL in them. I wanted to cry when I saw them (plus I'm doing something weird with my head - I think to get the sun out of my eyes). But he loves me and has for nearly 3 decades so I try to be grateful for the life we have and not let myself get depressed about how far my depression has drug me down in recent years. Congrats on your day. LOVED the shirts (my hubs didn't get me anything for my birthday or anniversary which were both last week - gifts aren't really his thing).

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  23. I'm not sure I've seen photos of your wedding before! They're lovely and how wonderful you've been married 17 years. I'm glad you shared both sets of photos. :) Congratulations on your anniversary!

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  24. My boyfriend and I also watch with closed captions on all the time. When we watched Expanse they for some reason always put up ## (pound pound) so we say that to each other really randomly. I am the same way about photos of myself but you look great! (and I am not your husband!)

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  25. Happy Anniversary! You look great and happy. That's all that matters.

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  26. Thanks for sharing! Jerry came up with such a good gift, cute matching shirts. I love all of the pictures, but the wedding ones are my favorite. Happy 17th!

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  27. Happy Anniversary! You are both so lovey.

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  28. I love this post, I love your pics, I love your relationship, I love that you take pics even if you may not be comfortable doing so right now. Someday, you will cherish them and so will your kids. You are right that you won't care about how much your weighed in the pics, just how much love you carried 💖 Happy anniversary! Thank you for always keeping it real and giving the rest of us married folk something beautiful to strive for 😊

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  29. Happy Anniversary! You are amazing, beautiful and loved! I just wanted to let you know that I hardly ever comment on your posts just because I'm reading them between conf calls or meetings but I read all of them and have for YEARS. I know how hard it was to post those pictures but just know that there is someone out there that would kill to be the size you are currently. I think you look amazing in all of them. Thanks so much for posting daily lately, I know it's hard sometimes but we love following you. Also thanks so much for the Cinnamon Pie recipe (that prints perfectly)! I can't wait to try it this weekend. :)

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  30. Happy Anniversary to you, both!! Thanks for sharing the pictures - you are adorable together :)

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  31. I'm very behind, but - Happy Anniversary to you both!

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  32. Congratulations! Kudos to you for posting your pictures. That anniversary is a huge accomplishment! Don't ever lose sight of that.

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