Introducing Jerry to the Pacific Northwest: Seattle

I know today is supposed to be Mental Health Monday, but since I'm in Portland right now, I thought I'd write a post about Jerry's and my trip to the Pacific Northwest--particularly Seattle and Portland.

As you probably know from my blog, I am in love with Portland. It is my very favorite city I've ever visited, and I have been visiting pretty frequently ever since my first time a few years ago. Thomas, my best friend, lives in Portland, so I love that I get to hang out with him; and Laurel, another friend who I met via my blog, lives in Seattle. Seattle and Portland are only a three hour drive apart, so I get to see Laurel and her husband, Dan, when I'm out this way, too!

I've been telling Jerry for a few years now just how much I love this area (Portland in particular) and I've been wanting him to see what I am so infatuated with. It sounds odd, but my favorite part about Portland (and surrounding areas) is the trees. They are amazing! They're super tall, and I love that they grow moss on them, making the entire tree an emerald green. Here is a photo from a hike we took today, to show what I'm talking about:

Anyway, we planned a trip to Portland with a side-trip to Seattle. My friend Caitlin was supposed to go, but she canceled at the last minute, so it was just Jerry and me (which was fine, obviously). First, we flew into Portland on Thursday morning.

See how comfortable I look? I was totally sober, I swear.
I'm getting more comfortable with flying.

Once we arrived, we went straight to a car rental lot to pick up a car to drive up to Seattle. The car rental was an odd experience (for us, at least). After signing the agreement, we were told to go to the lot where the full size cars were, and choose which car we wanted. The keys were in it, so we were to just get in the car we liked and drive to the exit. So much different than any other time I've rented a car! (They usually choose for us and give us the keys).

The drive went quickly, and we stopped at Snoqualmie Falls (where I went with Laurel on my last trip). It's such a pretty waterfall! At one point, I asked Jerry to take my picture in front of the falls. Later, I saw that he took me very literally. Hahaha! (The falls are behind me, so you'll just have to use your imagination.)

We finished the drive to Seattle, going directly to Laurel and Dan's house. Laurel actually had cupcakes from my favorite bakery waiting for us!! (She knows me so well).

Jerry and I were tired from a travel day, so we ordered pizza and just hung out at their house for the evening. I got to catch up with Laurel, while Jerry got to know them both (he had never met either of them).

On Friday, we had cupcakes for breakfast--mine was the cookie dough cupcake (the top right corner of the photo above--SO good). Then, we headed to the Space Needle. I think the Space Needle is a must for anyone who is visiting Seattle, because it's such an amazing view of the city!

Afterward, we went to Pike Place Market, which is an amazing indoor/outdoor market with all sorts of fun shops. I bought an apple as soon as we got there, because it looked delicious (and it was!). We spent the afternoon walking around the market, enjoying the little shops. I wanted to go to this cheese place called Beecher's.

Laurel, me, and Jerry at Pike Place

The last time I was there with Laurel, she bought what she calls "Squeaky Cheese" (which are actually cheese curds made on site). She calls it squeaky cheese because it makes a sort of squeaky noise on your teeth when you bite into it. I never eat cheese unless it is part of a dish, but when I tried one of the curds she had, I was sold. It was SO good. This time, I definitely wanted to buy some. Jerry ended up buying some aged white cheddar as well, and we picked at both while we walked around.

Cheese! 

We took a break at Rachel's Ginger Beer, and then got cookies from Cow Chip Cookies. Jerry and I shared one, and it was literally the best chocolate chip cookie I've ever eaten in my life! I can't even describe how good it was.

That evening, we went to a brewery called Reuben's to meet up with my friend Allison and her husband. I don't drink beer, but I had a cider, and it was really good. It was super fun getting to catch up with Allison (we went to high school together).

Dan, Laurel, me, and Jerry

Allison and me

Jerry was thrilled with his flight of beer at Reuben's

We went back to Laurel and Dan's, where we each ate another cupcake (so many sweets, which is my favorite kind of vacation!). We chatted for a couple of hours before heading to bed. Jerry and I had to leave for Portland in the morning. The trip to Seattle went by so fast! But I loved that Jerry got to meet Laurel and Dan, and to see some of the Pacific Northwest.

I put together a short video of our Seattle trip. Next up: Portland!

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Last minute meet-up!

Hey Seattle! This is totally last-minute, but if any of you would like to meet up while I’m in Seattle, I will be at Reuben’s in Ballard at 7:00. Feel free to come have a drink with Jerry and me! :)

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The 3 Habits That Make the Biggest Impact on Our Savings

I'm preparing this post ahead of time, because if all goes as planned, I should be in Seattle right now :)

For "Thrifty Thursday", I thought that I would just do a short list of some things we've done to save money over the last few months. We've made lots of changes, but I think these three things have had the largest impact on our savings. People obviously spend their money on different things, depending on what is important to them, so these may or may not be relevant. They have helped us save a TON, though.

I'm truly amazed at how much spending we did before, and we didn't even realize it. When we saw our pay stubs from last year, I was shocked--because we had nothing to show for it. We were still in debt, and we couldn't even tell you where the money went.

Now that I am writing everything down and keeping track of our money, I can clearly see where the money was going. We've developed some new habits, which will be helpful to KEEP us out of debt once we pay off our final credit card. So, here are a few minor things that add up big over time...

Giving each family member an "allowance" each month

This has probably been the biggest factor in saving money. We budget money for all of the necessities, but if there are things we want to buy for ourselves, we have to use our allowances. Shopping this way has made me very conscious of what I want versus what I need, and I've been much pickier about the things that I buy.

Even though I've always shopped at Salvation Army for clothes, for example, now I am very picky about what I buy there. Before our budget, I would just throw things in the cart and not worry about it, because they were cheap anyway. Now, since I'm using my allowance (that only goes so far), I ask myself very carefully if I'm going to wear it. I've put back several things that I really wanted but just didn't think I would wear much.

When I stopped drinking wine, I started drinking Perrier flavored water (one can a day) which is very expensive--$6 for a 10-pack of 8-oz cans. I justified buying it because I wasn't buying wine anymore. But after we started budgeting, because the water was something that was just for me, I would have to use my allowance for it if I still wanted to drink it. That just isn't worth it to me! Now, I just stick with plain old tap water, and I'm totally fine with that. Sometimes I'll add some True Lime to it (or I'll even have tonic water with True Lime when I want to feel like I'm drinking a cocktail, haha).

Our general rule of thumb is that if the item is for the family, then it would come out of our budget; but if it's for just one of us, we have to use our allowances. Jerry buys beer with his (craft beer is so expensive! Totally not worth it to me, but it's like gold to him). I save mine, mostly, but last month I bought some clothes and Jerry's birthday present.

When grocery shopping, I buy only what we will use that week

This is a tough one! When there is a good sale on something, I'm tempted to stock up. But I've realized that in the long run, we save more money by buying just what we need for the week. I don't buy in bulk anymore (actually, I got a refund on my Sam's Club membership!). Things may cost a few pennies more per pound, but our grocery bill is much cheaper--and I don't throw food away, because we use it all!

I wrote a whole post about grocery shopping on a budget; but in general, I write out a menu on Thursday (trying to base it on sales ads and coupons, but I don't obsess over that--my time is valuable, too). On Friday, I buy the groceries for the week, and then I do my best not to go to the store in between. The menu isn't carved in stone; rather, it's just a list of seven dinners that I choose from each day. Once in a while, we'll even do a cereal-for-dinner night when we're busy.

We don't eat out anymore

We used to go out to eat about once a week, maybe twice a week. I know there are people who go out every day, and I thought I was being thrifty by just going a handful of times per month (this is counting fast food as well as sit-down restaurants or take-out). However, for a family of four to go out to dinner at an average-priced restaurant costs about the same as filling up both Jerry's and my  cars with gas for the week ($50). When you look at it that way, dining out seems crazy.

The first couple of months on our budget, I didn't dine out for a single meal. After a few weeks, I didn't even think about it anymore. We finally went out to dinner for Jerry's and my anniversary in August, and it was really enjoyable. It felt special, because we just don't do that anymore. And we all appreciated the meal out. But paying the bill (about $65) was kind of shocking.

We did decide last month to budget $100 per month for "family stuff"--whether it's going out to eat, going bowling, to a movie, a baseball game, whatever it may be--we have $100 to spend. I think spending money this way is valuable. We are "buying memories" in a sense. Yes, we can do free things together, but it doesn't kill us to budget for something that costs money.

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The list could go on, but these three habits are the biggest things that have been money savers for us. We've been treating this whole budget thing like a game, and even the kids enjoy it. They like having their own money to do what they want with, instead of asking for things (and of course, Jerry and I like that, too!). I actually haven't felt at all bitter about our money diet.

It's been a HUGE relief to not feel like we're living paycheck to paycheck. That alone is enough to make the budgeting and spending diet worth it!

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RECIPE: Katie's Pecan Pie

My and my dad's favorite pie is pecan. One year, I made him one for his birthday, because I didn't have much money to buy him a gift. He was impressed with how good it was, and ever since then, it's been tradition for me to make him a pie on his birthday (as well as on Father's Day). This is the recipe I use, and it turns out fantastic every time--quite a surprise, considering I can't bake to save my soul! (See notes after recipe)

Here is a printer-friendly version!

Katie's Pecan Pie

For Crust:
1-1/3 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup oil
2 Tbsp cold water

For Pie:
1/3 cup butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 cup corn syrup
1/2 tsp salt
3 large eggs
1-1/4 cup pecan pieces/halves

For Crust: In a pie plate, combine all ingredients with a spoon. When all the flour is moistened, gather all the dough into a ball and put it in the center of the pie plate. With your hands, press the dough across the bottom and up the sides of the plate, forming a shell. No need to grease the plate (the oil in the dough keeps it from sticking). And better yet, no rolling out the dough!

For Pie: Pre-heat oven to 375 F. In a large bowl, melt the butter in the microwave. Add the other ingredients except for pecans and mix well. Fold in pecans, and pour filling into pie shell. Bake at 375 for 40-50 minutes, until set. Let it cool to room temperature before serving. Nutrition info: Don’t even worry about it!

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*My favorite part about making this pie is the crust. It's SO easy! Just a few ingredients, and you mix it together IN THE PIE PLATE--so you don't have extra dirty dishes. Also, there is no rolling out the dough--you literally just push the dough down with your hands and shape it along the bottom and up the sides of the plate. It's foolproof!

*This obviously isn't a "healthy" recipe, but considering the change my blog has taken, I'm going to post my favorite recipes, healthy or not.

*Start checking the pie after about 40 minutes to see if it's done. I just jiggle the plate a little and see how the center looks. You don't want to wait until it's completely firm, because the top will burn. It'll still be a little soft when it's done. And it always firms up as it cools.

I hope you enjoy it as much as my dad and I do!

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Freeing Myself of the Anxiety from Social Media

Once again, this post has been a long time coming. It's a topic I've been wanting to write about for over five years. I never actually thought I would bring myself to do it, because it makes me my most vulnerable; but, I finally feel like I'm in the right frame of mind to do so. (Hopefully I'm not just hypomanic, only to wind up regretting this later! haha). As I was about to post this last night, my internet went out! So here goes...

I started blogging in 2000. Back then, it wasn't really called "blogging"--it was referred to as an online journal. I basically wrote as if it was my diary (much like I do now). I had a small handful of readers, and even though we'd never met in person, I felt like they were friends. I was extremely honest and open, and I felt comfortable being that way.

When I switched to Blogger, I never expected to get so many new readers so quickly. I only made the switch because posting photos was easier on Blogger than it was on my previous platform (called Open Diary). When my blog readership grew very quickly, I was terrified. I had no idea why people were reading the random goings-on in my life, and I started to feel self-conscious. However, I had been blogging for 11 years at that point, so I just kept writing how I always had.

At that point, I never expected the hate that I would soon get.

I don't write a very controversial blog, so I couldn't understand why people would go out of their way to write comments or emails that were directly trying to hurt me. Having blogged for 11 years, I was so used to people being kind (or at least respectful); so when people started writing comments that were deliberately hurtful, I was taken aback.

The first time I saw a hate-thread on social media about me, I cried for three days. I wanted to quit blogging, crawl into bed, and not come out. I began to question what was wrong with me, and I wondered if what those people said was accurate. I began to wonder if my "real life" friends thought the same things about me. (The comments I refer to in this post come from several sources, not just my blog itself: blog comments, my blog's social media, and email.)

In general, those comments filled me with self-doubt and made me question who I am--what kind of person I am. I'd always considered myself to be very kind, sensitive, sympathetic/empathetic, and generous. When I started getting the hurtful comments, I began to wonder whether I was, in fact, a terrible mom and role model; a lazy housewife without a "real" job; a selfish friend/daughter/sister; an unhealthy yo-yo dieter; and all sorts of other things.

This is me, just sitting around eating bon-bons and watching my soaps, because that's what I do all day without a "real" job while my husband works 300 hours per week:

My kids couldn't ask for a better role model! I taught them how to pack in the most sugary, fattening toppings on a minuscule dollop of frozen yogurt. And that it's perfectly acceptable to eat this for dinner on Father's Day:

Of course, I'm way too selfish to care about anyone but myself. I just truly enjoy wearing matching family shirts in public when my brother runs his first marathon:

And let's not forget the drinking on the job!

Overall, 99% of the feedback I get on my blog is positive and/or respectful; but it was that 1% that stuck in my mind. Each time I got a mean comment that was meant to hurt me, it was all I could focus on. I desperately wanted to be one of those people who could just brush off the negativity and move on.

I tried not to care. I lied to myself and tried to convince myself that I didn't care.

One day I noticed a ton of traffic coming from a particular site I'd never heard of, and I clicked over to it to see what the traffic was all about. It turned out to be a hate site directed toward bloggers, and there was a thread about me. I read it and cried--again, I was tempted to stop blogging.

From that day on, I dreaded signing into Blogger. Until Blogger changed their sign in screen recently, the home page would show my traffic (page views, search words, and traffic sources). I started covering the screen with my arm when I signed in, so that I couldn't see where my traffic was coming from. I knew if I saw that hate site, my stomach would feel like I'd swallowed lead, and I would feel the worst anxiety I'd ever felt.

I never read that site again (even when I saw that I was getting traffic from it), because I didn't think I'd be able to handle the hateful comments (and what good would it do, really?); but even seeing that I was getting traffic from it would eat me up inside, always making me wonder what they were writing about me.

Another thing I started to dread was 9:00 in the evenings--when my blog post would go live. Anonymous comments were enabled then, and I would be filled with anxiety while I waited for the first comment on my post. I had Gmail notifications on my phone, so whenever I would get an email, it would pop up on my phone (I receive an email for each comment that someone writes). Once 9:00 came around each day, I would have my phone in hand--heart racing, sweating, irritable, worrying about the comments.

Whenever I saw "Anonymous has left a comment...", my anxiety would skyrocket. The mean comments are always anonymous. Like I said, 99% of the feedback was positive, so I really shouldn't have been so anxious; but as you know, you can't exactly choose how you feel.

It got so bad that I had constant anxiety when thinking about my blog. Until then, I had loved writing every day. I always looked forward to writing in my blog, reading the comments, and meeting new people. It brought me joy. Once the anxiety got to the point where it was affecting my entire life, I knew I had to change something. But I didn't know what to change.

So, I stopped writing as frequently. And when I did write, I tried to keep it kind of boring. I stopped writing such personal things so that if people had something mean to say, at least it wouldn't be so much directed at me.

But I soon learned that it didn't matter what I wrote--there would always be somebody who would find something to say in order to make me feel bad. Still, I tried to keep my blog positive.

One time, I posted a photo of me in a dress because I thought I looked nice (I don't dress up often) and someone called me a "smug c*nt"--I actually burst out laughing at that comment, though! Even to this day, my friends will joke around about what a "smug c*nt" I am, hahaha.

SO smug... just look at how that smile says, "I'm so much better than you":

In all seriousness, though, the comments changed me as a writer. I hated that it did, because I wasn't writing the things I wanted to write. From the time I learned to read, I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. And I was good at it! I used to win the creative authors award each year, and I wrote short stories in my free time.

By allowing those comments to get under my skin, I was holding back so much of what I had to say. I desperately wanted to just focus on the good and on being myself, but I hated feeling so vulnerable when I would post personal things. So, I chose to write about impersonal, kind of boring things that didn't make me feel so vulnerable. I even lost a lot of readers, and I felt relief about that.

When I was going through depressive episodes in particular, I had a very hard time writing anything at all. When you look at last year's depression, I wasn't blogging very often--I just didn't feel like I could deal with hateful people when I was feeling so down as it was.

Early last year, I disabled anonymous comments, and it helped tremendously. Now, if someone disagrees with me, they tend to do so in a respectful manner--and that's all I ask for. I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with everything I say, but there is a way of expressing disagreement without deliberately trying to be hurtful.

I was bummed to disable the anonymous comments, because I had several "regulars" who would use the anonymous form and then sign the comment. I even sent several of them emails to let them know why I was disabling the anonymous option, and they were very understanding. That's actually how I became friends with Martine, who I met up with when I went to San Diego this year :)

I also disabled my Gmail notifications, so that I actually have to go into the app to see if I have new email. That was also helpful, because I don't feel like I have to read comments as soon as I see the notification. Removing the anonymous comment option and disabling the Gmail notifications took away about 50% of my anxiety, which was a great start.

It wasn't until early this year, when I had a big breakthrough in therapy, was diagnosed with bipolar, and started the correct medication that I finally got to the point where I just don't care. When I've gotten mean comments or emails, I've actually been able to laugh about them, make fun of them, and sometimes I even respond to them. Usually with sarcasm.

This time, I am not just convincing myself I don't care. I truly don't give a shit what people think about me! And you know what? That is the greatest feeling. I love that I can be myself, write what I want to write, make myself vulnerable, and never second guess the person I am.

I AM kind, sensitive, sympathetic/empathetic, and generous. I am also a good listener. I treat people with respect. I try to be the best role model I can for my boys. I am honest. I care so much about my friends and family and would do just about anything for them. I am smart. I love to teach people things that I know well. I'm a good running coach. I eat junk food, and I'm not at all sorry about it. I'm thoughtful and enjoy doing things that will make others happy. I've always been a very creative person, too.

I mess up sometimes, but so does everybody. I forget things, like birthdays, once in a while--but I am sincere when I apologize for it. I might say something offensive or inappropriate now and then, but I never say things with the intention of actually hurting people with my words.

Sometimes I'm too ambitious and don't follow through with things I've said I will do--I guess I'll just blame that one on bipolar disorder, haha. My diet is atrocious and for God's sake, how many grapes can I eat without getting diabetes?! But if that's the worst thing about me, then I'm pretty proud.

Basically diabetes in a bowl:

The reason I took so long to write this post is because I knew it would make me even more vulnerable--probably my most vulnerable. I thought that when the "haters" would read about how the comments caused me so much anxiety, they would be "winning" and getting what they were after. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction, so I chose not to say anything at all. And I was afraid of the feedback I would get, honestly!

By posting this today, I am declaring that I am ME, and I'm done trying to always portray a better version of me. I am fine just the way I am, and I am happy with who I am, even with my flaws. Maybe that makes me a smug c*nt (ha!), but I can rest easy and be thankful that I am not filled with so much hate that I try to hurt other people when they are making themselves vulnerable.

I am filled with admiration for people who are comfortable enough to be themselves, whether they "fit in" or not. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders since I finally stopped trying to change everything about me to please other people. The only thing I'm sorry for is that I wasted so much of my time and energy feeling anxious about what people were going to say about me.

When I started losing weight eight years ago, I never EVER imagined that I would actually reach my goal weight (let alone maintain it). And just like then, I never EVER imagined that I would one day feel comfortable with being my true, imperfect self. It's taken me 35 years to get to this point, but I can express with 100% certainty that it was worth it.

(And to those of you that have left kind and/or respectful comments on my blog--whether regularly or just once-- thank you! If not for those comments, I certainly would have quit blogging when I went through such a rough time. I can't even count the number of times that a particular comment has made my day or filled me with joy somehow. I read and appreciate every single one of them. xo)

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Finally!

So, I've decided that I either need to stick with the blog posting schedule... OR, just stop saying I'm going to, hahaha.

I actually did a lot of work on the blog the past few days--just no posts. I can't even tell you how excited I was this weekend when I did something I've been trying to do for three months. Something I've wanted to do for about five years...

...a drop-down navigation menu!

Yes, this made me VERY excited. But you need to see just how this came about...

I've always loved the idea of a drop-down navigation menu for my blog, but I had no clue where to start. I knew nothing about html, css, javascript, etc. I didn't even know what those things were! So, I didn't dwell on it and just tried to find other ways to make things easy to find on my blog.

In July, when I started working on giving my blog a makeover, I revisited the idea. I had taught myself just some of the simple bits of coding, and I wanted to try the drop-down menu again. I used a tutorial from XOMISSE, who has a ton of great tutorials that I've used (and which work well). The first part (and most time-consuming part) is typing out all of the html with links to each part of the menu. (After that, you just copy and paste some codes.)

I spent a LOT of time working on the links--from deciding what each tab on the menu should be, to each sub menu, and making sure I had pages to go along with all of the topics. Instead of typing it all out in my blog itself, I typed it into a notepad on my computer (I didn't want to make a big mistake on my blog). I also have a "test blog" to try out codes before attempting them on Runs for Cookies.

I successfully made a drop down menu for my recipes blog (which only had a few tabs, and wasn't nearly as complicated). I was so excited that it worked! But after typing out the whole html section for Runs for Cookies and adding the coding, it wasn't working. The menu looked like a huge jumbled mess of words in my header.

For the last three months, I've attempted to do it several times--even using different tutorials. It was the same result every time. On Friday, I assumed that maybe it was because I used a different template for Runs for Cookies than I had for the recipes blog. I decided to take the time to use a new template and switch everything over--it would be a pain in the ass, but maybe I'd then be able to use the drop-down menu.

So, once again, I redesigned the blog. I've loved learning the simple coding and experimenting with it, so it's actually really fun to work on (don't be surprised if you see lots more changes--I do have bipolar, after all... haha!).

And after I switched everything over to the "Simple" blog theme, I tried the drop-down code again. It was the SAME RESULT--a big jumbled mess. I was so frustrated I wanted to throw my computer against the wall; but I was determined to figure it out. I decided I was going to do it, no matter how long it took. Side by side, I looked at the coding for the recipes blog (the one that worked) and the one that I'd typed for Runs for Cookies (that didn't work). I literally looked at every. single. character. to see what the difference was.

And I found it. When I discovered what it was, I was simultaneously thrilled and pissed.

When typing out the draft in "Notes" on my Mac, the Notes app apparently differentiates between a single quote mark (') and an apostrophe(')--if they look the same, it's because they are! (In my eyes, anyway). I always typed the single quote mark/apostrophe (the button to the right of the colon/semicolon button on a keyboard).

When typing that in my blog or TextEdit, it works just fine. But when I typed them into Notes, Notes changed some of them to be at a slight angle, like an apostrophe, rather than straight up and down. Check this out:

Isn't it ridiculous?! It was the same with the double quotes above--the menu would only work if the quotes were straight up and down and not angled. Once I noticed that slight difference, I copied everything to a TextEdit program and tried again. It actually worked!

The whole problem that I spent months trying to figure out was simply the style of quotes/apostrophes. I was actually doing everything right the whole time, but because NotePad changed the style of those quotes, my code didn't work.

So, please humor me by checking out my new drop-down navigation menu ;) A lot of headaches were caused from that stupid thing! All was not in vain, though--I have learned so much more about coding, and it's starting to make more sense to me. It's actually pretty fun--like figuring out math problem through trial and error.

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Anyway, here are some bullets to catch up on stuff:

• My back pain has been so bad lately that I am completely miserable at times. (I have mild scoliosis and a couple of bone spurs in the center of my back.) I saw a pamphlet in my doctor's office for a new spine center that had opened, and I made an appointment there. The doctor prescribed physical therapy, particularly for my upper right side--the pain goes up to my shoulder and down my right arm, even causing my hand to get numb frequently.

• I started physical therapy last week, and it's going well. I really like my physical therapist, and it's surprisingly relaxing to go there after I drop off my kids at school. The PT center is very quiet and homey. And my therapist does a lot of manual stuff to my shoulder (pressing in certain spots and moving my arm into different positions--it's almost like getting a massage at times! Haha).

• Jerry and I are going to Portland/Seattle next weekend! I'm super excited. Caitlin is going to meet us there as well. After we arrive in Portland, we're going to rent a car and drive up to Seattle. There, we're going to stay with my friend Laurel for a couple of days. Then we'll drive down to Thomas's in Portland for a couple of days before heading home from Portland. Neither Jerry nor Caitlin has been to Portland or Seattle, so I'm ridiculously excited to show them the city (Portland) that I fell in love with a few years ago. Jerry hasn't met Laurel, and I just know he's going to love Laurel's husband. I don't think Caitlin and Thomas have seen each other since we all ran Ragnar together in 2014, so it'll be a (very mini) reunion for the three of us.

• Last Sunday, Emily (the blog reader I randomly got together with for drinks last year and have since become good friends with) came over with her boyfriend, John. I hadn't met him yet, so I thought it'd be fun for them to come over and have dinner with Jerry and me. The plan was to make a bonfire in the backyard, but it was way too hot for that--it actually was in the 90's that day! Instead, we taught Emily how to play Euchre--which is no easy feat! Euchre is a tough game to learn. But we had fun, and hopefully we'll all get together again.

• On Tuesday, the temp actually hit 98 degrees. SO ridiculous! We had cross country practice at 5:30, which consisted of speed work on the track. Does anything sound more miserable than speed work when it's nearly 100 degrees outside?  ;) I really wish we had access to hose water, so we could set up a sprinkler for the kids to run through at practice. Instead, Renee brought some HUGE chunks of ice (she froze water in large Tupperware containers). We divided the kids in to three teams, and they did a relay race where they had to carry the ice and pass it to each team member. The kids loved it!

• When they were running their speed intervals, there were a few kids who were really lacking enthusiasm (but I honestly couldn't blame them). I told them that if they did an extra lap of speed work, they could dump a cup of water on my head. I really didn't think that would motivate them, but that pepped them right up! They spread the word to the other kids, who then asked if I would make the same deal for them. And when they were done, pretty much everyone got to dump water on my head. It was freezing cold water, and quite shocking when it hit me, but it was fun to see the kids get so excited.

• On Friday, my old high school had their homecoming football game, preceded by a parade. Our cross country team was asked to be in the parade, so Renee and I walked with the kids, who threw candy along the route. My kids wanted to stay for the football game; none of us (the kids and me) had ever been to a football game before (at least that I can remember), so I thought it would be fun. I sat with Renee and Dave, and the boys met up with their friends and spent the evening not watching the game ;)  (I didn't really watch it either, though!)

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Wednesday Weigh-in and Thrifty Thursday catch-up

I have no idea how I used to blog every single day and have it posted by 9:00. The days just go by so fast!

I'm only using this photo because I don't want the thumbnail
photo for this post to be my weigh-in on the scale! haha

I do like the new themed days that I've started, though. It helps me to think of ideas to write about, and to focus on topics other than weight loss for once ;)

But, speaking of weight, I did do my Wednesday Weigh-in yesterday, because I was planning on writing a post until the time got away from me.

I think that was about the same as last week. I can't remember! Since I've been staying between 131 and 134 for a few months, I don't really pay much attention to it unless it gets over that range (like when I was taking the anxiety med).

It's funny, though--the longer I stay within this range, the more anxious I get about it. At first, I really didn't care at all about my weight. I was thrilled to be back in the 140's, and I wasn't expecting to lose much more (if any). But considering my history, and how unstable my weight has always been, it's almost like I'm expecting a big change soon.

Typically, what happens is that I start getting depressed (after a long period of feeling great--i.e. hypomania). And subsequently (or perhaps even simultaneously), my weight starts to climb (or it just skyrockets, haha). I'm hoping that now that I am on the bipolar meds, this pattern will stop. But for right now, I am feeling anxious about it. Like I'm just waiting for the scale to go up.

Usually, I am depressed during the summer and then hit hypomanic in the fall, but this year has thrown me for a loop. So, we'll see what happens. I'm not sure how long it would take at maintenance weight for me to stop watching and waiting for the scale to climb. But I really don't want to worry about it! So I'm trying not to.

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I missed last week's "Thrifty Thursday" post, and I don't have anything profound to write today. But I do have something exciting to share:

We paid off one of the credit cards this month! Now, we just have a balance on one more card, and after that, we will be credit debt-free. The balance on that one is $7500, so it'll take a little longer to pay off. Tomorrow, though, Jerry and I both get paid to close out October--so we'll put all of our extra money this month toward that card.

I still cannot believe how well this zero-sum budgeting is working for us! I have never felt so relieved about finances. I used to worry all the time about having enough money to pay the bills, but it was because we were spending it as we were earning it. With the zero-sum budgeting, we are earning money for the following month while spending last month's money on the bills for this month. (I wrote more specifically about it on this post.)

Next month, we probably won't be earning much extra, because we are going to be on vacation for six days. But this month was very good (Jerry chose to work a LOT of overtime), so it will even out. I really want him to chill in October--he needs to take a break. I think going to Portland next week is going to be exactly the break this guy deserves!

I can't really think of anything "thrifty" to mention regarding this past week. I spent more of my allowance than I would have liked (I saved it up for so long, and I had a lot!). I have enough saved for spending money in Portland, though. I am not going to put anything on the credit card while we're there!

I checked my grocery receipt after my big grocery shopping day (Friday), which is something I never used to do. I found a couple more errors on the receipt, so I was able to get a refund. It makes me wonder how many times there have been errors that I never even noticed! I had a coupon for a free bottle of conditioner, which was priced at $5.79. When I got home, I noticed that the cashier rang up two of them (I only had one), but the coupon obviously only took one of them off. So I would have missed out on the $5.79 if I hadn't checked the receipt.

We definitely went over budget on medical bills, though. I budget for our normal co-pays for doctor's appointments and medications, but with Jerry's emergency room visit, my starting physical therapy (I'll write about that tomorrow), the back clinic I started going to (again, tomorrow), and my UTI/antibiotic issue, we certainly were over our budget. But thankfully, we had the money to pay for these things--because we budget! In the past, we would have been hit with bills and just added to our debt.

One thing that we will have to add into our budget next month is Eli's braces. We went to a couple more consults, but all of them said the same thing and the price quote was very close. I hate that braces are so expensive! I can remember my mom telling me, when I had braces for five goddamn years, that one day I was going to thank her for spending so much money on my teeth. And of course I am grateful for it now! But it definitely hurts to be a parent and see the cost of straight teeth. (Eli's issues aren't simply cosmetic, though--I'm convinced it's necessary.) And I'm sure one day Eli will thank me for spending so much money on his teeth ;)

(Eli actually had braces when he was three years old. It wasn't to correct his smile or anything; it was because he had a cross bite that prevented his molars from coming together. He choked on his food often, to the point where I had to give him the Heimlich maneuver more times than I can count. So, he wore braces--or "bracelets", as he called them--for three months. They worked very well! No more choking.)

Anyway, I will write some more tomorrow. I think I'm taking the kids to the high school's homecoming football game--none of us have ever been to one. Eli and I are walking in the parade with the cross country team beforehand. We have another busy weekend ahead, too!

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RECIPE: Cream Cheese Rigatoni

This pasta dish is not very saucy, but has a good taco flavor with a some creaminess from the cream cheese and a top layer of cheddar. Jerry and my kids are obsessed with this dish! They request it all the time.

Click here for a printer-friendly PDF download of the recipe


Cream Cheese Rigatoni

Ingredients:

16 oz dry rigatoni (or penne or other pasta)
2 tsp olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1 pound lean ground turkey
1 packet of taco seasoning
1 cup water
4 oz cream cheese
6 oz shredded cheddar cheese

Directions:

Pre-heat oven to 350 F. Cook pasta according to package directions. Brown the ground turkey with onion in olive oil, then drain the fat. Add 1 cup of water and taco seasoning to the turkey, and stir well. Simmer 5 minutes. Add cream cheese and stir until melted.

Remove from heat. Put pasta in a casserole dish, and gently toss together one cup of the cheese, the cooked pasta, and the turkey mixture. Top with remaining cheese and bake uncovered for 15-20 minutes, until cheese is just melted. Serve.

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Notes:

This tastes best, and has the best texture, when you put it in the oven just long enough to melt the cheese. You don't want the cheese to form a crust or get brown at all. It should still be very melty.

I've tripled this recipe to make for a crowd, and it worked really well. It's an easy, cheap recipe, and people love it!

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The Most Important Tool I've Learned in Psychotherapy

When I started seeing my current therapist a little over a year ago, my expectations were very low. I had seen therapists before (maybe three or four?) and I had just ended the relationship with one--we didn't click at all, and I was getting nowhere. A friend recommended "C", my current therapist, to me, and I am so so so grateful that she did.

While my previous therapist loved to use the "awkward silence" trick (not saying a word until the awkwardness was overwhelming and one of us would finally talk--and it was always me), C talks as much as I do in our sessions. It's not awkward at all. When I'm talking, she listens very attentively, and then I love to hear her thoughts and advice--I've learned so much from her.

The most important tool that I've learned from her actually came about from our very first session. I honestly can't even remember what I talked about that day, but I certainly haven't forgotten what she taught me: validation will get you everywhere in life.

Before you roll your eyes (like I did on the inside when I first heard that word), there is so much more to "validating someone's feelings" than I ever thought. That little phrase is so cliché that it loses its meaning. Once C explained it to me, it was like a lightbulb went on in my head. It was so enlightening! I started practicing it every day, and now I feel that I am a better mom, wife, friend, family member... even writer.

Whenever I'd heard "validating someone's feelings" before, I thought of what we were taught in middle school: repeat part of what the person says and then state your opinion. "So you're saying that you don't want to hang out with Jenny because..." and following it with "...but Jenny is really nice and there is no reason not to give her a chance." (Or something like that--maybe that was a dumb example.)

The way C explained validation to me was much clearer: People want to be heard. When they state an opinion, they want to know that people actually HEAR it and take note of it, rather than just nodding along until they can give their own opinions.

Here is an example that I just used on Saturday, when my cross country kids had a race. One of the girls said, "I'm SO nervous!". A likely response would have been, "Oh, don't worry--you have no reason to be nervous! It's just a race. You're going to do great!" Or something like that. A more validating response (what I told her) would be: "I know the feeling--I get nervous before every race! It's totally understandable that you'd be nervous, with all these people around, but I bet that as soon as you start running, you'll forget your nerves and have a great race."

The first response was a kind response, trying to reassure her; but it doesn't validate that she's nervous. To her, the race is definitely something to be nervous about, and she wanted someone to hear that. By telling her that there is nothing to worry about, we aren't validating her feelings about it, and it may make her feel insignificant. Does that make sense?

Here's another example: My friend told me that her mom kept making her feel really guilty for spending time with her new boyfriend. Her mom was used to seeing her much more frequently, and once she started dating someone, her mom was hurt, and started saying things to make her feel guilty.

A reasonable response to her mom would be, "I know I'm not around as much, but it doesn't mean I don't love you. I'm just really excited about dating (so-and-so) and it's harder to make time for everyone. But I'll try to be around more." Not bad. However, a much more validating way to explain it to her mom would be this: "Mom, I know how much it means to you that we spend time together, and I'm so sorry that my time has been split between you and (so-and-so) lately. I miss you, too, so why don't we make a standing lunch date every week? Then we can both look forward to it."

By saying "I know how much it means to you that we spend time together", she is validating her mom's feelings about how important that time is together.

Validation works wonders to calm down an angry person, too. When people are angry, they simply want everyone to know that they are mad, and WHY they are mad. And that they have a reason to be mad about it! A great example of this is actually from when Noah had the largest splinter imaginable in his foot, and we were terribly mistreated at two emergency rooms (in the same health system). Here is the whole story.

After we were dismissed from the first emergency room, I was really pissed off that nobody took us seriously. They talked to me like I was an ignorant mom who had no clue what I was talking about. A little better at the second ER, but still dismissed without the care we needed. After those two visits, I was VERY angry at that health care system. I wrote a letter, explaining what had happened, and I got a call from the director of the emergency department at both hospitals.

I have to say, this woman was VERY good at her job, because as angry as I was, she had me speaking calmly and rationally by the middle of our conversation. She could have said, "Our doctors are trained well, and they know what they're doing. They didn't want his foot to get infected, so they did what they were taught to do: nothing. Let it come out on its own. I'm sorry you're mad, but that's our policy."

However, she validated my feelings by saying things like, "I am so sorry for what happened to your son. I am a mom, and I would have been livid if I was dismissed like that when I knew something was very wrong with him. You must have been so frustrated trying to get care for him, and I'm so sorry that you didn't get the care you needed from us. That was our mistake, and I'm going to talk to the staff about it to make sure nothing like that happens again."

That's all that I wanted--I wanted someone to admit that they could have done a better job and that I have every reason to be angry. Once I knew that she really heard what I was saying, I felt so much better. Calm. Glad that someone got it. Even though I KNEW she was validating my feelings, it worked perfectly.

I could go on and on and on about this topic, but I'll just list one more example. When it comes to parenting, validation has been the most valuable tool I wish I had known years ago! If my kids ask me for something and I say no, all I have to do is validate their feelings and it stops the arguing/whining. Example:

Let's say that Noah wants to spend the entire evening playing video games (a common theme in our house).  Before learning about validation, I probably would have said, "No--it's time to turn off the video games. You need to do something else. Go outside! Play catch with Eli! Throw Joey's ball for him!" and there would have been a lot of back-and-forth arguing.

With validation, I would now say, "I know that you have fun playing the games with your friends online. I get that! There are a lot of times that I'd rather watch TV than do the things I need to do around the house; but I have to do things I don't want to sometimes, just like you. So right now, it's time to turn off the games. I know it sucks, but you'll be okay. And the game will be here later."

Saying it this way lets him know that I know it's not fun to quit playing games with his friends. But we all have to do things we don't want to before we can do the fun things we do want. He just wanted me to know that he didn't just want to "sit on his butt all day and play video games", but rather than he was having fun with his friends. When I told him that I understood that, it satisfied his need for validation.

This is turning into the longest post ever, but I have loved using this validation technique in all sorts of ways ever since I learned it, and I can't even count the number of times it's helped me save an argument.

This works wonders in a marriage, too--C actually had Jerry come in for one of my therapy sessions, and she explained validation to him. She told him that when I am feeling anxious or depressed, and I tell Jerry about it, I just want him to validate the way I'm feeling--not try to convince me to feel otherwise. "I know you're feeling anxious, and I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. Is there anything I can do?" Rather than trying to solve things. This helped so much! Sometimes, I just wanted him to really hear me when I told him how bad I was feeling.

The whole idea of validation boils down to this: People have feelings that they can't control, and whether we agree with their feelings or not, they just want to be heard. They want us to validate that their feelings are real. Whether we agree or disagree with them, we should just accept that they feel the way they do.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this "tool" that I learned and that has worked wonders in my own life. Hopefully it'll help someone else to prevent some conflicts as well!

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Jerry's big birthday surprise!

On Thursday, as I sat down to write my Thrifty Thursday post, I ended up having to go to the E.R. because Jerry was sent there from work. We were there until about midnight, so I didn't end up writing the post. (Everything was okay, and Jerry is fine.)

Yesterday, Jerry and I went to a wedding. One of his co-workers got married, and I actually didn't know a single soul at the wedding. I was a little nervous about going and not knowing anybody, but I ended up having so much fun! I even danced, which I never do. Jerry loves wedding dancing, and he thinks people should hire him to go to weddings and get people fired up to get on the dance floor, hahaha.

Anyway, I sat a table with his friends, and I actually felt really comfortable. I was talkative (maybe too talkative) and I danced. And ate a delicious piece of cake! (Well, a piece and a half if we're keeping track.) We tried getting a nice photo:

Oh, well--I always like the candid photos better anyway ;)

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I gave Jerry his birthday present on Monday, and he was THRILLED. Remember I mentioned that I'd gotten him something that I was super crazy excited to give him? Here's the story: When we were dating in high school, he used to wear band shirts all the time. He loved music and concerts and he had dozens of band t-shirts. His very favorite was this Korn shirt (the one he is wearing, not me):

Those frosted tips, tho! ;)

My parents are pretty conservative and didn't really approve of Jerry's "alternative" look or choice of music. (I imagine they were thrilled when they saw me wearing his band shirts as well, haha.) Anyway, Jerry and I were serious about each other from the beginning. The day I went out with him for the first time, I went home and wrote in my journal that I knew I would marry him one day. He was the most genuinely nice guy I'd ever met.

Jerry really wanted my parents' approval, so he decided one day to get rid of all of his band shirts. (Knowing what I know now, I never would have let that happen!). He regretted it shortly after, of course, but life went on. Several times over the years we've been together, he's mentioned that he wishes he still had those band shirts. There were two in particular--his favorite, which was the Korn shirt, and in close second, a Rage Against the Machine shirt.

Months ago, when I started my new meds and I was feeling much better, I started looking online for those shirts. I wanted to do something really special for him for putting up with all my "issues" over the years. I just couldn't find them! I wanted the Korn one most of all, and I searched a few times a week to see if I could locate one. No luck.

The day before his birthday, I was looking again, and I actually found one on Ebay. It happened to be a large, which is his size, and it had never been worn. It was the exact same shirt, by the same company, that he'd had in 1997! It was crazy expensive for a t-shirt ($135!!) but I just had to get it. I used my allowance that I'd been holding onto, and it was worth every penny. When the shirt arrived on Monday, I was giddy with nostalgia.

I carefully wrapped it, and then I was dying for him to wake up and open it. He knew I was excited to give him something, but he had no clue what it was. He was thrilled when he opened it, and put it on right away. He loved it!! I think he wore it for three days straight ;)

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On Monday night, Becky asked me if I could want to watch Luke for a few hours so she and Brian could go somewhere to watch the Lions game. I didn't even have to think about it--of course! It was so fun having him over. We made popcorn in the popcorn maker that my kids loved when they were little, and I took a cute "then and now" photo.

Then we spent an hour being ridiculously silly, in order to make Luke laugh. We played with blocks, and then he fell asleep curled up on my chest. Baby snuggles are the best!

Today, we had a cross country meet, and it was NINETY TWO degrees!! I felt so bad for the kids. Yesterday was supposedly the first day of fall, and it was the hottest day we've had, probably all summer. Tomorrow, Noah and Eli have a baseball game--it's supposed to be even hotter. Where is fall?!

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