RECIPE: One Pot Italian Sausage Lentils and Rice

I was inspired to make this dish after eating the Mexican Lentils and Rice for several years. (I was going to link to that recipe, and I realized that I never posted it! So I will post that another time.) I had some Italian turkey sausage to use up, so I made this and it was delicious! It's very hearty and filling, super easy to cook, and it doesn't take a ton of ingredients or time. (See notes after recipe)

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Italian Sausage Lentils and Rice

Ingredients:

2 tsp. olive oil
5 Italian sausage links (hot or sweet), uncooked
3/4 cup white rice
3/4 cup brown lentils
4 cups beef broth
1/2-1 tsp Italian seasoning (to taste)
1 (15 oz) can diced tomatoes, drained
salt and pepper to taste


Directions:

Heat the olive oil over medium high heat in a large pot. Remove the casing from the sausage links, and add the sausage to the skillet. Break up the meat as it cooks.

When the meat is browned, add the rice, lentils, broth, and seasoning. Bring the pot to a boil, then cover and reduce heat to low. Leave at low heat for 20 minutes (don’t remove the lid!).

Gently stir in the tomatoes, and heat through until broth is absorbed.


Notes:

I like to use turkey sausage for this (just a taste/texture preference). You can find it with the ground turkey at the grocery store, in packages with five links. I like the hot sausage as opposed to the sweet, but either one works good.

You can make this with brown rice, but I would suggest cooking the rice in beef broth separately and then folding it into the lentils at the end. White rice cooks in the same amount of time as lentils, so it works well for this recipe. The lentils will be mushy if you cook them too long.

Don't stir or open the lid while it's cooking, otherwise the rice will get mushy and gummy.

You can skip the tomatoes, if you like. I used to make it without tomatoes, and then added them on a whim one time, and it was good!

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Mental Health Monday: A Runner's High!

I spent so much time today writing a post, but once I was done with it, I just wasn't very happy with it. So, I scrapped it for something light-hearted and fitting for today.

As I mentioned last week, I committed myself to running Thursday, Saturday, and Monday. I wanted to try it a few times and see if I was ready to get back into running regularly.

Even though I made the three-run commitment, I wasn't magically in love with running all of a sudden! But I didn't dread the thought of it, either. I had physical therapy this morning, and I almost used that as a reason to put off the run until tomorrow. Besides, after the ab muscle spasms on Saturday, I was really worried about running again. That was miserable.

However, last week I said I was determined to do these three runs, and because I made that commitment, I knew I had to do it. The weather was perfect running weather, too!

So, as soon as I got home from physical therapy, I got dressed to run and quickly created a short playlist on my phone of my very favorite songs to hopefully keep me motivated. Once I was dressed to run, I was actually looking forward to it.

After my pace on Saturday, I honestly didn't care how slow I ran today, as long as those muscle spasms stayed away. I was super nervous about it, and I didn't feel anything until about a third of a mile in. It didn't hit me hard like Saturday, but I started feeling little twinges just under my ribs.

(If you picture 8-pack abs--the rectus abdominis muscles--the pain was at the very top of the 8-pack. I also felt it in the transverse abdominis on the right side only. It's definitely the muscle, and not my internal organs. I'm thinking it has something to do with reconditioning my abs to be flexed for so long, like they are when I run.)

I was just praying that it wouldn't move to the other abdominis muscles. Luckily, I didn't feel it spreading, so as long as it just stayed in those spots, I figured I could handle it. My legs felt a little tired, which had to have been from Saturday's run (my physical therapy is all upper body stuff). But they were tired in a good way.

When my Garmin beeped after the first mile, I looked down and was shocked to see my pace--10:55. On my first run (Thursday), I had to push really hard that last mile in order to get it under 11:00. That mile made me feel like I was running a sub-8:00 pace again--it was hard! And then considering my pace on Saturday was in the high 11:00's, I was just really surprised to see a sub-11 first mile today.

It made me a little excited, though. I never thought I'd be so excited to run a 10:55 mile, but it felt just as good running that mile as I did running a sub-8:00 mile when I was training for my 10K.

After seeing that, I decided to see if I could hold roughly that pace, but without looking at my watch. I just tried to keep the same rhythm with my legs, feet, and breathing. (Speaking of breathing, I'm so glad I was listening to music, because I'm sure my breathing was loud enough to wake the neighborhood, hahaha).

Mile two, my Garmin beeped, and I saw 10:55 again! I happened to maintain not only the same exact pace as the first mile, but also the sub-11 for a second mile. Actually seeing the improvement was enough to give me some motivation for the last mile to be sub-11 as well. I pushed the pace a little, to where it was uncomfortable, but I wasn't completely dying. I even put on a good motivating song to listen to for the last few minutes. The ab muscle pain hadn't gotten any worse, so I was pretty sure I could do it.

As soon as I hit the third mile, I stopped my Garmin and saw that I did that third mile in 10:21. I was thrilled!

I sat on the porch, out of breath and sweaty, and felt amazing. It was the perfect third run--exactly what I needed to keep me wanting more. (But not today. Ha!)

...Which brings me to the topic of a "runner's high". I can remember the exact date of the last time I felt a runner's high; it was on March 22, 2016. I ran "the best 10K workout"--3 x 2 miles at goal race pace with a 5-minute jog in between. My goal race pace was 7:55/mile, and I was super intimidated by this final, very tough workout.

I knew if I could do it, that I would probably hit my goal on race day (April 8). My two-mile split paces were 7:49, 7:51, and 7:48. I was so so so excited that I did it! I was walking on clouds for DAYS after that run. I can't even describe the feeling of a true runner's high--even hitting my goal on race day didn't feel that good. (But the Cajun Tots at McMenamins later more than made up for it)

There is something so gratifying about a tough run. In the beginning, back when I started running in 2010, I got a runner's high almost every time I went running. Each and every run felt challenging, and my pace was constantly improving, so it's no wonder I felt amazing. I loved the feeling of doing something that I had thought was impossible for me.

Feeling tired, used, sweaty, and achy after a run is the best feeling, despite sounding kind of miserable. A runner's high feels amazing--like I can do anything--and I feel like I'm floating on clouds all day afterward.

When I first heard of a "runner's high", I thought it was just a silly way of saying that we feel good after a run. I didn't think it would feel like an actual HIGH. But it does! (I mean, not that I would know anything about that, of course)

Sadly, the longer I was running, the less frequently I would feel a runner's high. I was training to get faster, and once in a great while, I'd nail a really tough run and feel the high; but most of the time, a run was a run and whether it was good or great, I just didn't feel the high from it.

After March 22 last year, I didn't feel it again. I may have gotten excited or felt happy after a run, but not the runner's high. I actually forgot what it felt like.

Until today.

I didn't run my best pace (not even close!) or hit a new distance (again, not even close!). I wasn't "training" for anything. I wasn't even trying to aim for a particular pace.

But when I finished running, and I sat down on the porch with a good song playing in my ears, I felt alive in a way that I haven't felt in a year and a half.

This run was different in some way. I am starting over with my running goals, and it feels really refreshing. I don't feel pressure to run fast, because I know that I'm not going to come anywhere near my best pace; instead, I am just hoping to see improvement over time. If the run feels easier than last time, I think that's huge progress.

So, needless to say, I am definitely excited to keep going. I am not going to make a full commitment to a running schedule or anything, but just like last week, I'm going to commit to three upcoming runs--Thursday, Saturday, and Monday. For now, I'm just sticking with three-milers until it gets easier. My main "goal" is to not have any real goals right now--just pressure-free jogging for fitness, rather than training for races.

And hopefully I'll feel the runner's high often as I improve! :)

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Family Friday (belated): Numbers

Ha! Just now, I opened a Dove chocolate to eat while I work on my post, and this was the little "fortune" on the wrapper:

I was curious, and immediately looked up the word "loquacious". It made me laugh, because it means, "tending to talk a great deal; excessive talk." That is a classic hypomanic behavior, and it's something that drives me crazy about myself. I will talk and talk about the stupidest things when I'm hypomanic. I definitely don't need to be more loquacious. ;)

Anyway, today is my favorite date of the year: 11/11.

I'm not sure when or why 11 became my favorite number, but I am kind of obsessed with it. And multiples of 11, especially 33. I have read that people with bipolar may fixate on a particular number and believe it has some sort of meaning in situations. I'm sure I think about it way more than the average person does.

Today, for example, I wanted to play Keno--$11 worth. Jerry and I went to the bar near our house at 4:00, right when they opened, because Jerry had to leave for work at 4:30. We filled out our slips, and then the woman working there told us that the bartender wasn't there yet, and she was the one who had to do the Keno slips.

The bartender was supposed to be there at 4:00, but she didn't get there until 4:20-ish. Not nearly enough time to play 11 draws of Keno. We probably could have changed our plan, or I could have stayed alone, or invited a friend to come with me later... but I was just irritated that my plans were interrupted, so I went home without having played a single draw.

It's funny, I was supposed to be in Vegas this weekend for a From Fat to Finish Line event--seemingly a great place to be on 11/11 (in my odd mind, anyway). I had been planning to go for a long time, but changed my mind about a month ago for several reasons. Mainly because I shouldn't drink, I shouldn't gamble, and I wasn't doing the race with everyone.

I would have been really tempted to do those things (well, at least the drinking and gambling!), and I knew it wasn't a good idea for my mental health for me to go right now. But if I had gone, I would have placed a bet on 11 for roulette. I'll never know if I would have won ;)

Earlier today, I went for a run at 11:11. Yes, it sounds ridiculous. But honestly, I didn't think of it until I was getting my shoes on to head outside. I realized the time was 11:09, and I thought it would be fun to start my run at 11:11; so, I rushed to get my shoes on and head out the door.

I stood in the driveway, waiting for my Garmin to find satellites, and when I only had about two seconds left before it turned over to 11:12, I just started the run without the satellites (shocker, I know).

I decided to run 3.33 miles in a lollipop route. Not even a quarter mile in, I got that horrible abdominal muscle spasm that caused me so many problems in late 2015.

To back up: I had a stress fracture for about 10 months that wouldn't heal (because I kept running on it!). I finally decided to quit running for 6 weeks and let it heal properly. And it did!

During that time, I worked on losing weight. When it came time to run again, I was surprised at how good it felt. I was easily running a pace in the 9:00's, even after taking 6 weeks off. But shortly after, I started getting abdominal muscle spasms/cramps that were practically crippling (my ab muscles would get REALLY tight and cause very sharp pains, like someone was stabbing me all over my abs). There were several runs I had to quit because the pain was so bad.

I saw my doctor about it, and even emailed my plastic surgeon to see if it was something that could have been caused from my skin removal. They were both stumped. Eventually, the spasms/cramps stopped, and I hadn't noticed them since... until a few weeks ago when I went for a run. They weren't terrible, but they were there. I started to wonder if they just show up when I start running after a long break.

Today's run was probably the most painful I've ever experienced. I was determined to do it, so I did, but the pain was all I could focus on the whole time. I was trying to figure out different ways of breathing, of "sucking in" or "blowing out" my stomach, breathing to a certain count, etc. Nothing helped. I desperately wanted to walk, but I KNEW once I did, I wouldn't start running again. Besides, the pain stays when I walk; and walk or run, I needed to get home.

When I got home, I collapsed on my porch and sat there for about 10 minutes. I keep hoping that my bird will return again, but so far, no luck.

It was such a relief to stop running! My muscles released the spasm, and I was fine again. So weird. My splits were even slower than my last run, but I kind of expected that with the shuffle I was doing: 11:51, 11:48, 11:41, and 11:33. The 11:33 for the last .33 miles wasn't intentional ;)

I am hoping that the cramps don't happen every time, but even if they do, I know they'll go away sooner or later. I can't remember how long it took last time, but I think it was probably a couple of months. Although, the cramps would only show up during some of the runs; not all of them.

Despite the muscle cramps, I actually felt really good about running today. If it wasn't for the cramps, I would say I actually enjoyed it. I'm going to run again on Monday, because I agreed to give it three runs before deciding if I would start running regularly again, but so far I like being back out there!

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Thrifty Thursday: Zero Sum Budgeting

I realize I will probably get criticized for this post, because it's about money, and everyone has his or her own thoughts about different ways of budgeting and/or spending. But several people have asked about how my family is budgeting, so I decided to post the numbers. I chose a month (August) that was fairly average.

I am not sharing this information to ask for advice. I am very happy with how we are doing this right now, and we've managed to pay off a significant amount of debt this way. Right now, we still have about 15 months to pay off our final credit card with 0% interest, so we don't have to rush things. I'm guessing it'll be paid off in 3-4 months (maybe 5, with Christmas coming up).

A few things have changed since August, so that's why the budget looks a little off (we paid off the Barclaycard, and our last furnace loan payment was in August as well. So, we used some of that money to add a "family fun" category to the budget (we didn't have this in August).

Each month, I just change the budget column to reflect our CURRENT month's bills/budget. Also, the income is net income, not gross.

Our budgeted income is $4500--if we make that much, then we could theoretically pay $1240 onto the credit debt. However, our "extras" category ends up being much more than we accounted for. It's not due to unnecessary spending habits, but things like items for the house (we had to repair a shower leak and had to buy some stuff from Lowe's), renewing our plates at the Secretary of State, the accidental extra car payment I made (haha! I accidentally paid that twice in August when I set up the auto pay), etc. It's for things that we can't really plan on.

In a perfect budget, the "extras" would be $0; but lots of unplanned for things have come up, so we just stay as careful as we can for that. We don't buy anything extra that isn't necessary.

So, this is our budget, with August as an example (explanation below):

In the first column, I wrote whether the payment is automatic or if I have to pay it manually. I also wrote how each item is paid--American Express card; our secondary checking account (we have two checking accounts); or our savings account. Each account has a different use.

Checking account 1: All of our deposits during the month--we leave this in here until the end of the month. Each month, we start with a balance of $25.

Checking account 2 (the yellow cells): The money used for our entire "bare bones" budget--we start with $3300, and at the end, the amount left should be close to $0.

Savings account 1 (the purple cell): An escrow account for our taxes. I pay $175 into this account on the first of each month, so that we have the money to pay our taxes twice a year.

Savings account 2: A "just in case" account. If we should need extra money for some reason, we have a small cushion of $1000. I realize that it's not the recommended 3-6 months worth of savings, but we will work on that once we pay off this final credit card.

American Express (Delta) (the red cells): I will explain more of this in a minute, but we use this to pay for everything that we can in order to earn the rewards (SkyMiles, in this case). This balance starts at $0 each month, because we pay it off in full with the budgeted money in our secondary checking account.

So, here's how the budget works:

On the first of the month we start with $3300 in our secondary checking account, which is used for our entire "bare bones" budget. I withdraw the money from this account for our allowances and "family fun" (used to do things as a family--the movies, dinner out, etc). I also transfer the $175 to our savings account for escrow (again, it comes from the secondary account). I also pay our bills that have to be paid manually.

Throughout the month, we use the Delta AmEx card for our groceries, gas, medical expenses, extras, and as many bills as we can (some companies don't allow credit card payments, or don't accept AmEx). This total on the AmEx, if all goes according to budget, is $1570. This will be paid from the secondary checking at the end of the month, bringing the credit card balance to $0.

The remaining amount of the $3300 in our secondary checking account is used to pay for the bills that aren't able to be paid with the AmEx. At the end of the month, having used our budget to pay off the AmEx as well as the other bills, we should have close to $0 in this account (I added a small cushion, in case a bill is slightly more than expected).

It may seem unconventional to use a credit card to pay off credit card debt; but because we pay it off every month with our budgeted money, we are able to earn the SkyMiles. Thankfully, I have always had a great credit score (even with our debt, I've never made a late payment in my life), so that has been helpful. We were able to open a 0% interest Barclaycard and transfer our debt to that card with NO fee.

I have to say, I love love love the Delta AmEx! I have literally never paid for one of my trips to Portland (and I've been there five times since 2015). That's a $400+ ticket, and it only costs me $11 (I'm not sure why the $11, but I think it's some sort of tax or something). Jerry's gone to San Diego, New York, and Portland, all of which were paid for with SkyMiles. We also get to check a bag for free, which is nice, considering it's usually $25 each way.

I certainly don't think this method is right for everyone--if the card isn't paid in full each month, it will only rack up more and more debt. For us, as long as we stay within budget, it's working great. We haven't had any problems with this method so far.

(I hate that this will sound sales-pitchy, but if you happen to apply for a Delta AmEx, I would be so grateful if you would use this link. It'll give me 10,000 SkyMiles for the referral, and you can earn 50,000-60,000 miles if you spend $2000 in the first three months. But honest to God, I love my card--I wouldn't recommend it otherwise.)

And if SkyMiles aren't your thing, there are tons of other cards out there with various rewards. Some even do cash rewards. I would just make sure that you can be disciplined enough to pay it in full every month. Otherwise, I would just stick to paying for everything with a debit card or cash.

All of this said, things may not go according to the budget. As you can see for August, our "extras" were a lot more than we budgeted for.

Ideally, we wouldn't have to use anything over the $3300 that we budget for each month. However, when we do, we can use the extra money in our primary checking to pay for it. We start the primary checking with $25; then all of our income is automatically deposited in that account.

Once that account reaches $3300, we know that we have enough for our "bare bones" budget the following month, and anything we earn on top of that is extra money. On the last day of the month, we then use that extra money to pay onto our credit card debt (after paying off any extra stuff that was above our budget).

So, ideally, we would have $1240 extra income on top of our "bare bones" amount budgeted for. In this particular example, we had a lot of extra things to pay for, so we had $986.73 (+ the original $25 that we started with) in the primary checking after everything was paid for.

So, we took $977.50 of that money, and paid it onto our credit debt (I think it was such an odd amount because I wanted to get the credit debt to a nice even dollar amount).

After we pay that to our debt, we start the month all over again. I transfer the $3300 to our secondary checking bare bones budget. The credit card starts at $0 for the month. And there we go!

My favorite part about this budget is that we are one month AHEAD of our bills. All of the money we earn this month gets set aside for next month; that way, we start each month with the amount we need to pay all of our bills. It's so nice not to have to worry about whether we'll have the money.

Like I said, this way of budgeting is not for everyone. It works really well for us, because we have such a varied income from week to week (and even month to month). I just wanted to explain it in detail for those that are curious how the "bare bones" (or zero-sum) budgeting works.  I hope this wasn't too confusing! ;)

Note: Several people have asked me how to START this kind of budget when you don't have the money to be a month ahead. Jerry and I were lucky in that we started our budget after a very large income month, and we just barely had enough to start this budget. But if that's not an option, here is what The Simple Dollar advises (that blog is how I learned about zero sum budgeting--it's a great post):

"Getting a Month Ahead

Since zero-sum budgeting uses last month’s income to pay this month’s bills, you’ll need to get one month ahead on your finances to make this work. Getting one month ahead can be accomplished by saving one month’s expenses in your regular savings account and using those funds for the following month’s budget.

If you already have at least one month’s expenses saved, you are already a step ahead of the rest. Simply use those funds to pay the expenses you’ve outlined during the next month’s budget, and sock this month’s income away into savings for use during the following month."

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Weight Loss Wednesday: Feeling Fat at Goal Weight

I think I am ready to start running again. But I will write about that in a minute.

Lately, I've been feeling fat. And before you slaughter me, hear me out; I know how ridiculous that sounds, especially for people who would be thrilled to be at the weight or size I'm at now. I used to hate the thin girls who complained about their extra five pounds while I was sitting there with over a hundred.

My attitude changed when I got down to my goal weight, and realized that I had to work just as hard to maintain my weight loss as I did to lose the weight. The girls who complained about five extra pounds? They had to work just as hard as I did to lose weight, if not harder. And it was not up to me to judge their reasons for wanting to drop five pounds.

I've learned that five extra pounds on top of my goal weight makes my clothes tight and uncomfortable, and I avoid wearing certain items of clothing because they aren't flattering anymore. I understand all of that now.

However, I have also learned something new during maintenance over these last several months: It's possible to feel fat even at my goal weight. I am still in a tight goal weight range, and it seems ridiculous that I could feel fat when I should be thrilled I'm maintaining, but I am sure I only feel this way because I'm not running.

I don't regret making that decision one bit--I am very glad that I've taken all of this time off of running. I needed the break, and badly. I was dreading my runs every single day, and I didn't see the point of it anymore. I had met all of my personal running goals, so I just wasn't excited about it. Or any kind of "formal" exercise, for that matter.

This is one of the last runs I remember really enjoying. It was around this time that my depressive episode started. (This was in May 2016)

The odd thing is, I don't know if it's all in my head or if I actually do look 10-15 pounds heavier than I did last year at this same weight. And honestly, I don't want to do a photo comparison, because it doesn't matter. Whether I feel bigger or I am bigger, the outcome is the same.

I learned that "feeling fat" can happen to anyone of any size, for all sorts of reasons. The reason I have been feeling fat lately is because I stopped running about eight months ago, and I've gotten "softer". I'm wearing the same size jeans, but they don't feel quite like they used to. I feel kind of uncomfortable in this body, and I'd like to feel as confident as I did when I was running--even when I was overweight and running.

There have been several times in the last few weeks that the thought of running again has popped into my head; and over the last week, I've really been thinking about it a lot. And the more I think about it, the more open I am to the idea of starting to run again.

I don't necessarily want to do it for cosmetic reasons. Perhaps I don't look at all bigger than I was last year at this weight--I don't know. But I do like that the negative thoughts I had about my body were so much quieter then. I felt proud of myself each time I reached a running goal, or just at the fact that I was "a runner".

I am aware that there are other exercises I could do--and I've tried--but nothing has ever given me the deep-in-your-gut-thrill that running does. There is something almost magical about it. Before I lost the weight, any thought at all that I may have had of being a runner was that it was literally impossible. I can't stress enough how the thought of being a runner wasn't even a thought at all, because it never occurred to me that it was an option for me.

I forced myself to try exercise videos, bike riding, swimming, and walking for fitness (among several other things), but I never dreamed I'd be able to run. And I think that is the biggest appeal to me--doing something I once thought was impossible.

I stay fairly active in my day-to-day life, but I don't push myself enough to get my heart rate up and drip sweat, or feel a post-run high. I used to love that feeling, until it just didn't feel that way anymore.

The thought of starting over now actually makes me excited. I like the idea of a sub-30 5K being challenging--last year, that was a cakewalk. Now, it is a challenge. I even like the idea of possibly running a half-marathon again someday. (No desire for a marathon--there aren't enough anti-crazy pills in the world for that to interest me!)

Yesterday, I made up my mind to run today, Saturday, and Tuesday. I am not going to think any further ahead than that. I want to see how it goes, how I feel, and if I want to continue. But I am not going to make a decision until I do those three runs.

Today, I actually felt really nervous about running! And I've become such a baby in the cold. I used to love the cold, but running when it's 30 degrees outside makes me not want to go out there. After I get started, I'm okay, but the thought of going outside in the cold turns me off.

I dressed in running clothes right away when I woke up, so I wouldn't change my mind. When I first started running back in 2010, I loved how my running clothes made me look like a ninja (or maybe a burglar). So, this morning, I wore my most ninja-like clothes, and prepared myself for the 30 degree temperature outside.

Totally fake half-smile

I dropped the kids off at school, and drove to the State Park. There is a 5K loop with zero shortcuts back to the car, which has two advantages: 1) I couldn't quit early because there was a lake between myself and the car; and 2) I couldn't slow to a walk, because I'd freeze to death.

Getting out there was the hard part, but once I started running, I felt like I was accomplishing something. I even thought that my pace must be in the low-9:00's, because I was working really hard. Then my first mile split beeped on my watch. I mean, 11:21 is almost the same as 9:00, right?

Second mile split: 11:42. Was there something wrong with my GPS?!

Halfway into my third mile, I saw my pace was around 11:30. I decided to play the game I used to play with myself all the time, and see if I could get my last mile under 11:00 (I used to make up little challenges for myself when a run felt hard for whatever reason--it helped bring out my competitive side). I was already halfway through the third mile, so I'd have to pick up the pace quite a bit; and I already felt like I was working hard.

With that mini-goal in my mind, I was determined to do it.

So, I did. Mile 3 was 10:52.

That heart rate! Such a huge change from my 10K training last year.

Today, when I was totally spent from a 5K, I felt that deep-down excitement about running again. Not on the surface, though--running is hard and my lungs were hurting and my legs felt weak and my nose was running and nobody else was out there, so why should I be? I'm talking about that deep-down determination that says, "I'm going to get better at this. Whatever it takes--one day, this run will be a cakewalk for me."

Today, my 5K time was 35:20. And I worked hard for that. Next time, maybe it'll be a little less!

The best part is, when I was done running today, I no longer felt fat--I felt strong (and also like I might die). My body size obviously hadn't changed in the 30  35+ minutes I was running those three miles, but it definitely made me feel better mentally. I'm actually looking forward to running again on Saturday.

Let's just hope I can even move tomorrow--I will probably be super sore! ;)

My weigh-in today:

At goal and feeling good about it :)

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RECIPE: Sweet Potato Casserole

Hands-down, my very favorite dish at Thanksgiving dinner is my mom's sweet potato casserole. I can leave the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing--all of it--but give me the sweet potato casserole, and I am a very happy girl. It is no-doubt terribly unhealthy, but considering I only have it a couple of times a year, I don't even give that a second thought. Even when counting points or calories, I always saved enough for sweet potato casserole.

Anyway, there are a trillion recipes out there, most certainly with more appealing photos, but this photo was the only one I could find (it's from a past Thanksgiving dinner). Probably because I never think to take photos before inhaling the sweet potato casserole. Anyway, since Thanksgiving is coming up, I thought I'd share the recipe for my very favorite Thanksgiving dish!

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Sweet Potato Casserole

For the Potatoes:

3 cups of mashed sweet potatoes (with nothing added to them--just cooked and mashed)

1 cup of sugar

1 stick of butter, melted

2 eggs, beaten

1 tsp. vanilla

For the Topping:

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup of flour

2-1/2 Tbsp. butter

1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans

Mix all of the ingredients for the potatoes and spread in a 9x9 casserole dish. Combine the topping ingredients together (cutting in the butter with a fork) until crumbly, and sprinkle evenly over the potatoes. Bake at 350 for about 40 minutes.

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Mental Health Monday: Having "a person" on your side

Before I get into the point of my post, I just wanted to share that I did end up increasing my mood stabilizer dose (and yes, when I talk about changing meds, it's been discussed with my psychiatrist first). Last time I increased the dose, I got acne; so, the acne side effect may happen again, but the hypomania was making me crazy(-ier), and I needed to get back to the stable place that was making me feel "normal".

It's been six days, and already, I am feeling back to stable. The hypomanic phase was minimal this time, and didn't even last very long--a month or so? I'm not sure how I'll feel if the medication causes me to get acne again, but I will talk to my psychiatrist about it if it does. Side effects of medication suck! If it's not one thing, it's another.

Anyway, it's nice to know that this medication is working well for me in keeping me stable!

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I came across the most powerful video today regarding mental illness, and I just have to share it. It's been viewed over 60 MILLION times, so maybe all of you have already seen it or heard of it. But I hadn't seen or heard of it until today, and it made me feel all the feelings.

The first time I watched it, I had choking sobs at about four different moments during the poem. Then I watched it again to see if there was anything I missed. Then I made Jerry watch it, and I explained to him why it was such a powerful video to someone (me) who has mental illness.


While I don't have obsessive compulsive disorder, this poem is the perfect explanation of why it is so powerful to those of us with mental illness to have "a person". I hate that phrase: "You're my person" (mainly because it reminds me of Grey's Anatomy!) but I'm not sure how else to explain it. Watching this made me feel so grateful to have a person on my side that I can count on.

Jerry is my person. I do have some really amazing friends--Thomas, when I want someone to tell me the truth with no sugar-coating, or to banter with in a very light-hearted way; Andrea, when I need to tell someone a deep secret without it turning into gossip; Caitlin, when I need to share news with someone, good or bad; Emily, when I need to talk to someone who understands bipolar; Renee, when I want to talk about running, wine, Shameless, or any of the other common interests we have; and several other people for several other reasons (I hope you know who you are).

But Jerry is my person. I am not an easy person to live with, let alone be married to for 14 years and counting.

I was misdiagnosed with major depression early in my life, and accepted that diagnosis until early this year, when I was diagnosed with bipolar. I took antidepressants for 16 years that were working basically as placebos, because they didn't do a damn thing for me. Each time I thought they were working, it was actually just a hypomanic phase that I was in. Depression, hypomania, depression, hypomania... since I was a kid. (*See the comment section for a better/more thorough timeline)

I have a lot of "quirks" due to the bipolar disorder that Jerry has either found endearing or just put up with all these years. He loves me unconditionally (and when you think of the meaning of that word--"unconditionally"--it really is powerful). No matter what I say, how I act, and how annoying some of my quirks are, he still loves me.

I've always been able to tell him if I'm feeling sad or irritated or crazy excited or depressed. He doesn't have the issues with mental illness that I do, but he has learned so much about it because he's helped me through it. And I'll never be able to put into words how much I notice and appreciate it.

Jerry is always the jokester and has a very carefree personality; but when someone around him says something offensive about mental illness, he is right there to tell them the facts in a very "fired-up" way, haha. He stands up for all people with mental illness on my behalf, and I love that about him.

There are a lot of people who have no idea what to do when someone they care about has a mental illness and needs help. So, they do what they can. And to me, it's so reassuring to know that they are trying.

And a lot of the time, I don't think these people realize how much they are appreciated. I don't think that someone's "person" always knows just how helpful they are in the everyday ways that they act around us. Those of us with mental illness appreciate (or at least I do, anyway!) the small gestures that make us feel "normal".

I choose to think about my bipolar with humor (hence all the memes). Jerry knows this, and he jokes about it all the time with me--which makes me happy! I love to laugh about it. I don't like for people to avoid the topic completely, or to feel uncomfortable mentioning it, and I especially don't want people to feel like they have to tiptoe around my feelings, just because I'm labeled with "bipolar". It's totally okay to joke about it with me!

Not all people with mental illness feel this way, of course. Some of us may want to avoid the topic, some may want to treat it very seriously, some may feel uncomfortable or offended by certain comments about it--and all of those are valid feelings to have--but the people closest to us as individuals will know exactly how we like to handle it, and I think that brings us comfort.

I don't know if I've made my point of all of this very clear, so I'll try to sum it up with this: As someone with mental illness, I very much appreciate the people close to me for doing little things they may not even know they are doing--continuing to invite me to go out, even when I've said "no" for the last 15 times they've asked; texting me randomly every so often, which lets me know they are thinking of me, even if it wasn't a conscious effort; validating my feelings, even when I don't feel like they are valid; and all sorts of other things.

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but these gestures make me feel loved and cared about, and that helps me in so many ways. If you are someone's "person", please know that the things you do to try to help probably don't go unnoticed. Maybe it's the right thing to try, maybe it's not, but I (and I think many others) very much appreciate the effort!

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TUTORIAL: 1 Second Everyday (1SE) Video App Tutorial

As you may know, on January 1st of this year, I started using an app called 1 Second Everyday. Basically, the app is used for selecting and saving just one second of video that you take each day, and the app stitches them all together. It's kind of like a slideshow of photos, only they are short videos instead. (You can see an example on the bottom of yesterday's post--my video for October.)

Watching the videos is so much more fun than watching a photo slideshow! You would be amazed at how many memories just one second of a video can bring. I have been posting mine each month; at the end of the year, though, I'll have a video of the entire year showing just one second of every day.

Since I've posted about it, I've gotten a lot of interest and a lot of questions regarding the app. Firstly, I am not associated with the app developers in any way. I paid $5 for the app at the beginning of the year, and I love it so much that I tell people about it all the time. I also share my videos on social media, and people always ask about it.

When I downloaded the app, there were no instructions. I was very confused how it worked, and it took some playing around with it to get it all figured out. Now, it literally takes me less than 30 seconds or so of each day to select my video clip and save it in the app.

Several other people have told me their frustration with it as well, so I decided to make a tutorial. I don't typically like to do "vlogs" (video blogs), but after taking some screen shots of the app for a written tutorial, I realized it would be a thousand times faster to do it in a video.

So, I apologize that this video is so long (I think it's 14 minutes or so), but I don't think that I drone on and on (who knows, maybe I do!). But I do hope that it will be helpful!

Here is a link to download the app (they have it for iOS and Android!), if you are interested (again, I get no commission or anything for this--although I should! Haha, I've recommended it to so many people.)

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Halloween Fun

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. Obviously, as a fat kid, I loved the candy (ha!) but even as a teen, I loved passing out candy. My grandma would come over, and my mom would make dinner. And my dad would take my little brother and me trick-or-treating each year until we were teens; then I stayed home to pass out candy.

Once my family moved, the summer before I started 10th grade, we started the tradition of celebrating Mark's birthday. I looked forward to that every year! My dad would pick Mark up from the group home in the afternoon, and then we'd go to my parents' house for dinner and birthday cake. My dad would make a campfire in the driveway, and we would pass out candy to the trick-or-treaters. When my kids were born, they started going trick-or-treating from there, too.

When Mark died in 2014, the first Halloween was hard. My parents weren't sure what to do without our usual tradition, and we didn't go over there for dinner. I bought ice cream and lots of toppings and delivered it to Mark's group home for the residents to have sundaes. I think Mark would have liked that ;) Then we all did our own thing. Jerry took the kids trick-or-treating at his mom's, and I passed out candy at home (to all of the eight trick-or-treaters that we got).

Anyway, we haven't really developed a tradition as far as Halloween goes. But now that Luke is here, we did something fun that I hope we start doing every year--we went to Brian and Becky's house to have a fire in the driveway and pass out candy. They get a ton of trick-or-treaters! Brian bought about 180 full-size candy bars, and they only had about 20 left at the end of the evening.

Luke was SO adorable dressed as a mouse! Becky looked super cute, too, and even Brian wore mouse ears.

Brian made the "mouse trap" to sit over Luke's wagon

Noah was invited to a Halloween party, so he spent the evening with friends. Eli came to Brian and Becky's with us, and my parents met us there as well. We had "walking tacos" for dinner, and my mom made festive guacamole:

Then, I basically hogged Luke the whole evening. He was tired and pretty stone-faced, so I was determined to make him laugh. Or just smile a little bit.

I loved seeing all the kids in their costumes--there were some very creative ones. My favorite was a girl who was dressed as Abraham Lincoln. I didn't even know she was a girl until we said how much we liked the costume and she turned to us as she was leaving and said, "I'm a girl, too!" for the shock factor. Haha!

Jerry took Eli trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. Eli wanted to dress as the killer from "Happy Death Day", a movie we saw on Friday the 13th. It was his first time going to a scary movie, and he was very excited about it. I told him that people probably wouldn't recognize his costume, but he didn't care.

Noah dressed in the Indiana Jones costume I put together at the thrift store. I thought it looked awesome! He went trick-or-treating with his group of friends, and he said all the adults recognized his costume right away.

Earlier in the day, I wanted to get a photo of our family with the jack-o-lanterns we had carved. Jerry and I had a contest who could carve the better pumpkin (the kids judged), and I wanted mine to be unique. So, I made a bipolar pumpkin ;) I won. Obviously.

Jerry's, mine, Eli's, and Noah's

Anyway, I tried getting a family picture with my phone using an elaborate setup of a step stool, a book to prop up the stool at an angle, a broken iPhone tripod, and a couple of other things. We had it all in the street to get the picture, and then a car came down our street (we only have cars pass by about five times a day!). I moved everything, and as the car passed, a girl rolled down the window and asked if we wanted her to get the picture. So much easier!

Here is my 1 Second Everyday video for October. I can't believe I've been doing it for 10 months now! I'm super excited to watch the whole thing at the end of December.

Hope everyone had a fun Halloween!

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Getting the Family on Board with a Budget

The idea for this post was suggested to me by Bridgette, a reader of my blog. She asked how I got my family (especially the kids) on board with budgeting to pay down our debt; how we explained to them what it was all about; and how we decided how much allowance we should get.

First of all, the budget is still going really well! October was the worst our least productive month so far in how much we've been able to pay toward our debt, but that's because we incurred a lot of expenses we don't normally have: a down payment on Eli's orthodontics; Jerry's hospital bills from the ER visit; my physical therapy co-pays; and several other things. I wasn't even sure if we'd have any money left over at all!

(I have no photos for this post, so I'm just using what I can find--this is a picture of Eli with braces when he was three years old! He had a cross bite that caused him to choke on his food because he couldn't chew well, and the braces corrected it. He only had them for three months.)

We didn't overspend on anything this month except for those necessary extra expenses we incurred; so while our debt payment wasn't nearly as much as last month, we did manage to pay just over $600 onto the credit card.

So, our new debt balance is $4871.03.

I am pretty amazed that we managed that for October. Prior to our budget, we would have accumulated MORE debt last month. Jerry and I went on vacation, so not only was he not working (and not earning money), we were also spending money in Portland/Seattle.

Because we had each saved up our allowances to spend on vacation, we didn't have to charge things to the credit card. And we were very conscious of how much we spent, rather than "spending now and worrying about it later".

We don't have extra things written into our budget. Instead, we just use the extra money that we earn that we would normally pay toward our credit card debt. (Extra money is anything over $3300 for the month--see below for a quick explanation).

Our "zero sum" budget in a nutshell:

  We start each month with the "bare bones" amount that we will need to cover all expenses for the month (all of our bills, food, gas, regular medical co-pays, and allowances). Our "bare bones" total is $3300--maybe next week I'll break it all down into specifics. So, we start each month with $3300, knowing that we have all we need for the month.

  Each paycheck that we earn during the month gets set aside for the following month--so we aren't spending this month's earnings on this month's bills. We are using last month's earnings to pay for this month's bills. We are always one month ahead.

  Once we earn the $3300 that we'll need for the following month, anything we earn on top of that goes toward the credit card debt. For example, if we were to earn $5000 this month, then we would set aside $3300 for next month; and we would take that extra $1700 and pay it onto our credit card debt.

So, what I was saying before is that when we have extra expenses (like Eli's down payment for orthodontics), we pay for it with the extra money that would normally get paid onto our debt. It just means that we'll have less left over at the end of the month.

I'm actually really happy with that--in the past, months like last month would have accumulated quite a bit more debt (especially considering our vacation). It's kind of unbelievable to me that we actually had money left over!

Finally, I will get on with the topic that Bridgette asked about--how I got the family on board with living on a budget.

This part was actually really easy. I've come up with budget plans before--actually, pretty much every time I've had a hypomanic episode, I get a little crazy with the budget planning. I get very excited and calculate all the numbers, then plan it all out really well. I get the family on board with it, but then I've never followed through. (Again, how did I never recognize these symptoms of bipolar? Haha!)

YAY MATH!!

So, coming up with the plan itself was nothing new to my family (especially Jerry). He is used to seeing me getting crazy-excited about budgeting and paying off our debt; and then just days later, coming home from work to see me starting a project that we don't have the money for. He always laughed and found it endearing. Poor guy.

There was a rather big difference this time, though (aside from the fact that I am on medication to hopefully prevent me from getting hypomanic): we used a different type of budgeting plan. It's called "zero-sum" budgeting, which is what I explained briefly above. (Next week, if it interests anyone, I will write a very detailed example of one of our months to explain better.)

Anyway, the zero-sum budget was perfect for what we needed. Jerry's paychecks vary greatly from week to week, and I only get paid once a month (my checks can vary quite a bit as well). So, working with a set amount of money for an entire month was just what we needed; and since we didn't know how much we'd earn that month, using the previous month's earnings made perfect sense!

Once I figured out how that would work out, I was super excited--crazy excited, really, but in a non-crazy way (hahaha). Thankfully, my mood was stable and I was thinking with a level head. I explained to Jerry exactly how the budget worked, and he was impressed with how much sense it made.

I had already calculated the numbers--our "bare bones" amount per month, our average income per month, our debt total, and how long it would take us to pay off our debt if we earned X amount of money each month. He couldn't believe how quickly we could be debt free if we stuck to the plan.

I also went a step further and calculated how long it would take to pay off not only our credit card debt, but also our car and house. As of this month, if we stick to our budget, we will have all of it paid off in 35 months. Less than three years!

When I told Jerry, he instantly wanted to pick up as much overtime at work as possible. He was super excited about getting our house paid off. It took no convincing for him to get on board with the budget, because the thought of paying off our credit cards, car, and house while our kids are in high school was mind-blowing to us.

When we told the kids about it, they were actually really excited about the budget, too. We were honest with them about the debt--I want them to know about debt so they can avoid it when they are older!

About the budget, we told them that instead of us paying for things they want, we were going to give them an allowance, and they would have to use their allowances to buy the things they want. We said we would still buy the necessities, but they would not be allowed to ask us for things that they don't need--instead, they would have to save their allowances for it. They loved the idea of having their own money to spend however they want!

There were a few key factors that I think have makes this budget pretty painless for all of us:

1) We kept Netflix and Hulu in the budget. They aren't necessary by any means, but we don't have cable and there are a few shows we like to watch together as a family. If we eliminated all of the fun from our budget, we wouldn't last long. So, it's worth the $18 per month for the two apps.

2) We budget money for "allowance" (cash for each family member to use on anything we want that isn't in our budget). Without this, there is NO way that we would have stuck to our budget this long!

Jerry usually buys his "fancy" beer with his, and I saved almost all of mine for the first few months to use as spending money in Portland. However, since I'm having a hypomanic episode right now--hopefully not for long, because I increased the dose of my meds today--I've spent almost all of the money I had saved up (I mostly bought clothes at Salvation Army). Next time I start to get hypomanic symptoms, I'm going to give Jerry my money to hold on to.)

Jerry and his fancy beer

Anyway, I think the allowance is the most crucial part of sticking to our budget. None of us would be on board without it.

3) I also budgeted a "family fun" amount ($100) to do something as a family each month--going out to eat, to the movies, bowling, getting ice cream, etc. This gives us something to look forward to doing together; and, because it's in the budget, we actually set aside the quality time together each month.

Bridgette also asked how we decided how much to budget for allowance. At first, we planned on a weekly allowance, and we thought $10 per week was good for the kids. However, since everything else was monthly in our budget plan, we switched it over to a monthly allowance as well. Jerry and I each get $100 on the first of the month, and the kids each get $40.

The kids aren't old enough to drive yet, so they aren't going out with friends all the time (which keeps them from needing more money). Noah does go to the mall or movies with friends once in a while, but his allowance is enough to cover that. (Now he is more careful about how he spends his money--he's learned just how expensive the popcorn is at the movies!)

Those amounts seem to work well for us. It has certainly made us think before we buy things! I was so used to just throwing things in the cart or grabbing last-minute stuff I didn't need. Or when the kids were with me at the store, they would ask for things and I didn't give much thought to it before buying it. Now that we are using our own money for the things we want, we give a lot of thought to whether we REALLY want it. It's turned into a nice habit!

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