Thursday, July 21, 2011

Judgements

After refrigerating the PB bowl
So I finally have a moment to sit and think and write! With it being so damn hot outside right now (and since I finished doing the laundry!), I don't feel guilty sitting in the house with the air turned on. Before taking the kids to VBS, I decided to create oats-in-a-jar only without the jar. I didn't have any almost-empty nut butter jars, so I just took a blob of peanut butter and smeared it around the bottom and sides of a bowl, and then stuck it in the fridge. After I dropped off the kids at VBS, the peanut butter was hardened enough that it wouldn't mix into my oatmeal. I made the cold chocolate oats and spooned it into the PB-bowl, and it was just like eating oats in a jar. (FYI, it's not nearly as good when you make oats and then plop some peanut butter on top, because it gets lost. When you have to scrape the PB off the sides of the jar (or bowl), then you get a little in every bite).
PB bowl with cold chocolate oats
While the kids were at VBS this morning, I ran 2 miles on the dreadmill. I was feeling like I was slacking on my running lately (about 9 miles per week), so I printed out a 15-K training schedule this morning and I'm going to follow that. It's the same schedule I did last summer, and for some reason, it makes me feel nostalgic. It's the beginner's schedule, so it's pretty simple--just 3 runs per week, plus a little cross-training and strength training. This week, my runs are 2 miles each--woo hoo! ;)
2% incline throughout



I went to Jerry's softball game on Tuesday night. The first game of his that I've gone to this season. I didn't want to embarrass him wanted to look cute, so I wore a denim skirt and a loose, off-the-shoulder top, and I wore make-up, even though I thought it might melt off my face with this heat wave. A couple of the guys on Jerry's team made comments like, "Dang, Jerry, doesn't she know that she could do WAY better than you?!" Hahaha, that made me feel good. And by the way, my husband looks extremely sexy while playing ball ;)

Anyway, there was a guy on his team (a very large guy!) who was making fun of another guy about his weight (in a joking way). I said something like, "Aww, that's mean!" and the big guy said, "I'm fat, so I'm allowed to say stuff like that! We fat people have an understanding. It's all good." At that moment, I felt like there was a huge elephant in the room (no pun intended). I wasn't sure who standing there knew that I used to be fat. But nobody seemed uncomfortable, so it was fine.

Notice I tried to cover my rolls with a piece of paper... lol
But it made me think:  What side of the equation am I on now? The fat jokes or the skinny jokes? I always used to think it was okay to judge fat people (in my head, not out loud) when I was fat myself. And to be perfectly honest, I still find myself judging fat people sometimes. I try so hard to empathize with them, but I know that I was fat because I ate too damn much, so it's hard to even feel a little sympathy. That sounds harsh, doesn't it?

One thing that I actually can take pride in is the fact that as a fat person, I never made excuses for being fat. I knew I was fat because I ate too much and I didn't exercise. It wasn't a slow metabolism, or a thyroid issue, or hormone imbalance, or being "too busy" with two kids to look after, or being "too poor" to be able to buy healthy food. I simply ate too much food!  I find that since I've lost the weight, a lot of people feel the need to tell me all of their reasons excuses for not losing weight (I have kids, I'm on a tight budget, I can't afford a gym, I don't know how to cook, etc). And I have to bite my tongue in order to not sounds like Jillian Michaels and scream at them to stop making excuses. But I digress. I think I will always be a fat person inside, regardless of the size of my body. I still think like a fat person, and I certainly feel like a fat person.


Do you (fat or thin) tend to judge fat people, particularly when they make excuses? I know it's not my place to judge anyone, but I can't help it sometimes.


17 comments:

  1. I don't know if anyone else does this but I always checked to see if I was the biggest person in a room. If there was someone bigger than me, I felt better, like "At least I'm not THAT big!" Now that I'm smaller, I see the people around me, the people in my life who are very overweight and extremely unhealthy and I want to shake them and tell them they can do this too!

    The excuses are limitless when you simply don't want to put the effort into something. Maybe they're afraid they'll fail again, maybe they're afraid they'll succeed and life as they know it will be completely foreign to them... Eating less of what you're already eating won't cost you anymore than it does now, and walking is FREE, so money can not be an excuse. A lot of people say they have no time, but ask them what tv shows they follow and there's a long list... So either stop watching so much tv or move while you're watching! If you want it bad enough, you'll find a way.

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  2. I've been thinking about excuses a lot lately, especially with friends who frequently complain about wanting to lose weight while not doing a thing about it. I'm one of those people who *did* have legitimate medical reasons for gaining weight, but I still hated and fought against it every moment, and since I've been illness- and medication-free, I've worked my ass off to lose. And when I'm not losing well, like the second half of 2010, I own up to the fact that it was my own damn fault for being lazy and inconsistent and inattentive.

    Interestingly, I drafted a post on this same subject to post sometime while I'm on vacation...

    Re: judgement - I read a quote in a book called The Believers by Zoe Heller earlier this year that I thought was very poignant:

    "It was often assumed that Karla, being a fat person, had more forgiving aesthetic standards than other, slimmer people, but this was untrue. Years of attending to her own physical failings had made her, if anything, more closely attuned to the nuances of bodily imperfections than most. Her girlfriends, many of whom took guilty reassurance from the fact that they were Not-as-Fat-as-Karla, would have been shocked to discover how unsparing she was in her assessments of their figures."

    So I don't think you're alone. Like one of the other comments say, I still get relief from knowing I'm not the fattest person in a room. I'm ashamed to admit that, but it's true. I pay far more attention to peoples' weight now than I ever did when I was thin.

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  3. I try not to judge people. Just because they are heavy does not mean they are lazy or don't exercise as you know. I do notice it more now that before. Now I hate when people say your are too skinny. It's just as rude as saying you're too fat and nobody would say that.

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  4. I used to judge when I was very big - always scanning the trains and crowds to make sure I wasn't the biggest, and comforting myself by knowing "well, at least I'm not that big." Until bigger people than me became harder and harder to find. Now, I think I'm a bit more sympathetic because I know what it's like to be that size ... though it sometimes feels like I'm a superhero walking around in street clothes. Unless they're a friend or family member, no one knows my secret identity as a formerly super obese person. I haven't been in any situations like the one you described, where I'm face-to-face with people who talk about being heavy without knowing my past. But it'll certainly be interesting when it happens.

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  5. I have taught my own children "It is never appropriate to comment on someone's body unless you are giving them a compliment." I don't like it when people comment on weight (too thin or too fat) or hair (wow...you're getting a a bald spot, going gray), etc.

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  6. I still feel like the fat girl most days. I don't judge fat people, I still feel a ton of empathy for them, and yet also frustrated with them for not doing what I did. But, then, I had to figure it out in my own time as well.

    I find I still judge really thin people at times. Isn't that weird?

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  7. I admire your honesty.

    I try not to judge but I do sometimes. I keep it to myself though.

    Your picture made me laugh because whenever someone takes a picture of me I try to use some object to hide my belly (cushion, paper, dog, child ...). It's refreshing to see I am not the only one who does this.

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  8. Oh I 'try' not to judge people and if I do, I do keep it to myself. I'm still fat, having lost and then regained it. But, it can come off again and yes, when someone takes a picture of me, I too, try to hide behind something.

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  9. Oh yeah!!! i definitely try not to judge people but i am guilty of finding myself doing this in my head and then having to snap myself out of it and be like hey you don't know what their deal is so shut up already.

    i do get annoyed at people who try to give me lame excuses for why they want to lose weight but can't. I'm like.. dude... i did it, so i know damn well that ANYONE can do it.

    i am still fat, but much less fat than i was before my journey having lost over 80 lbs in the last year. but im constantly findin myself still imagining that i am still that huge and its really hard to sink in. i feel i may think like a fattie my whole life. who knows...

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  10. 95 lbs ago, I used to judge others in my head. I had no right to, but I still did it. Now, I don't know if I feel sad when I see extremely obese people or angry. I did, they can do it. There are NO excuses if you want to do something.

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  11. Definitely still a fatty inside of me. Now and forever. When you spend 30 years being morbidly obese, it becomes ingrained in you--you ARE fat, you think FAT, you appear fat, there's no other way to approach life. And losing weight doesn't change that. I still am that sad, fat girl who grew up into that sad fat woman. I wasn't that fat as a girl, but always wanted to lose a few pounds. Those few pounds I needed to lose become close to 200 pounds when I got into adulthood. I never made excuses for my fatness either, it was simply because I ate too much and moved too little. I not only ate too much, it was the WRONG kind of food. I watched that Extreme Makeover weight loss show last night, and the woman weighed 456 lbs. and was actually malnourished, because she ate the wrong food. I'm pretty sure that I am MORE nourished now than I was 180 pounds ago, because I eat lots of fish, chicken, veggies and fruit fruit fuit! Of course I can't afford to go have one of those fancy health profiles done. Then she proceeds to lose 106 lbs. in her first 3 months, and another 60 lbs. in the next 3 months. But then she basically quit, because in the next 3 months she gained 4 pounds. Of course, she worked a little harder in the final 3 months and lost an additional 39 lbs., for a total loss of 201. But she still weighed 255 lbs. I often wonder how those people do AFTER the show has aired. YEAH--I was judging her too. I always do. When I was fat, I judged other fat people, like your husband's softball playing buddy told you, "It's okay for us fat people to do that to other fat people." Or something like that. And I still do it. Of course I have never said anything out loud, at least not so the person I am judging could hear. Because I still think of myself of fat, I guess I think it's okay to keep making the judgments, even though I know it's not OKAY! I find myself wanting to go up to some of them and tell them, "I was YOU, just two years ago." But I never do, too shy, and I know when I was fat, I wouldn't have appreciated that. The final decision to lose your weight has to come from you, nobody else. Only when you are ready, will it happen. But you know that. This is why I leave my middle son alone. He needs to lose at least 200 more pounds (he has already lost about 85, but V E R Y S L O W L Y, and continues to eat lots of fast food and frequents buffets and snacks constantly. So he may never lose those next 200 lbs. Yet, he always has good weight loss hints for me. He told me the other day that he doesn't count calories like I do, he just "watches what he eats." I wanted to say, "I am evidence of how well counting calories works." But I just nod and agree. I'm wishy washy like that.
    So I have no excuses for being fat other than eating way too much, and I'm still very judgmental. So there's some good, some bad, but at least, I'm always pretty honest with myself.

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  12. I will admit I do judge people and I think we all do in some way. We are always looking at someone and comparing ourselves to them in some way. I think it is easy to pick out flaws in others so we do not have to deal with our own feelings about ourselves. I am in the process of training for a triathlon and I am starting to get back into shape like I was 15 years ago and it is really hard for me to see it. I have been getting a lot of compliments lately and I really don't see what others see. I think I am stuck in the past and it's hard for me to focus on the now and on the future. I am hoping that will past one day.

    Katie you are awesome, I look forward to your posts! I like how you like to change things up and you recognize when things are not working and you own up to it. Keep you the awesome work!

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  13. I judge too. I just notice bigger people and sometimes I stare, not really thinking of anything in particular. I tend to know notice bigger people more than normal and get a weird feeling. I do judge others I don't know, but I'm not exactly sure how, if that makes any sense at all lol. With my family, I get so angry when no one changes their habits. My dad, mom, 19 yr old sister and 11 yr old twin brother and sister are alllll overweight if not obese. We've all been this way forever. I kno it's super hard to make changes, but I want them all to become healthier so bad that I get really frustrated when I see them downing a bag of chips in one sitting. I don't want my siblings to grow up how I did and I want my parents around for a long long time.

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  14. I think judging is something we do without thinking about. There was a time in my early twenties when I'd lost 70 pound thru diet and exercise and was looking and feeling really hot - it was then that I was SO judgmental of fat people. I had just lost the weight and felt like if I could do it - why can't they? Over the years, I gained the weight back and then some and now I judge myself terribly - particularly because I KNOW I can do it. I've done it before! Of course, I do it silently. Then I feel terrible and I knock it off, but again - since we're being honest yes, I think its something we all do whether we like it or not.

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  15. I just found your blog thanks to pinterest. It's great and as mentioned motivational. As to this particular blog here are my thoughts on judging. I am a fatty. It is what it is. As you said it is due to binge/depression eating and lack of exercise. I'll own it I know that's my problem. I am the girl that does look to see if anyone is larger than me. I've done WW and calorie reductions a million times it feels like and my biggest problem is me. I've done several 5K and I love to run (when I'm in shape). Do you have the right to judge, maybe. You have been in those shoes before just remember it's a battle you still fight as you've said and it's a battle I'm still fighting. Yes, I should be able to do it, but I must get over myself and the binging first and that I believe is the hardest part. Don't judge too harshly because you still judge yourself (the old you) when you do. Cut the old you some slack you should be proud of her and cut us some slack we just haven't found a way to overcome ourselves yet. On a side note I don't feel that you are really judging our weight instead you are judging the excuses and that is ok. In fact it is beneficial if you say so out loud. Make whoever is whining own it, that is one step closer to facing reality.

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  16. You're truly an inspiration to me! I feel like everyone is judging me at the gym. (my husband is military, and we get free access to the gym on base and while not everyone is fit, most of the people are). I made so many excuses, but I won't make anymore.

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  17. Katie--I love reading your blog. I just found it a couple weeks ago, so I've been reading lots of your older posts. I find them really encouraging.

    I've lost 125 pounds since Nov 2009, by counting calories and tracking what I eat, and joining a gym (though I know at this point that losing weight is 90% what I eat and 10% how much I exercise). It's been a really slow process, and I've gone backwards a couple times but not for long.

    When people make excuses to me about weight loss or getting in shape I mostly wonder why they're bothering. I'm not their parent, I'm not their boss, I'm not asking of them why they aren't healthier/fitter/whatever.

    I find I judge people who are overweight/obese but mostly I get angry with them. I was obese for so long, and being fat made me so unhappy, I was so unhappy in my own skin, and I want to shake people and tell them they'll be 1000x happier if they lose weight. I also judge skinny people, many of whom are skinny because their genes dictate they will be skinny and not because they exercise/watch what they eat, yet that doesn't stop them from acting snotty and rude to people who are overweight.

    kmb

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I'd love to hear from you! I read all of my comments, and if you have a question, I do my best to respond; sometimes, however, I get busy and forget to go back to reply, so if it's important, just email me! :)