New therapist and new running goals

Today was my first appointment with my new therapist. It took a while to get in to see her, but she was highly recommended by a friend of mine, so I waited almost two weeks for the appointment. I was a little nervous to go, but nothing like I was for my first appointment with my previous therapist. Having already been through it, I knew what to expect.

I immediately liked her. (We'll call her "C" on my blog; I'll refer to my previous therapist as "N"). When I was seeing N, I always felt pretty awkward--she was VERY stoic, never showing any emotion at all--and I assumed this was just how all therapists were. It felt awkward if I would joke about something, and she didn't laugh or smile.

She also liked what I call the "awkward silence technique"--not talking at all until someone feels so awkward that they break the silence. It's very effective--and even knowing that it's a common technique to get someone talking, I still almost always caved in and filled the silence (ironically, the silences caused me a lot of anxiety regarding my appointments with N--and I was seeing her to help with anxiety, haha).

It got to the point where I was dreading my appointments. I just didn't feel like I was getting anywhere in therapy, even though I did learn a lot about myself. I don't think that seeing her was wasted time at all, but I found myself dreading my appointments so much that I finally "broke up with" N. At my friend's recommendation, I made an appointment with C.

What a huge difference! C smiled when she introduced herself, and I immediately felt comfortable. I loved that she smiled and laughed when appropriate, and sympathized at other times--I felt much more comfortable with someone who showed some emotion. I don't think that N's approach was "wrong" in any way--she's very knowledgable at what she does--but our personalities definitely clashed.

C asked me questions about what was going on with me and got some background information. There were no awkward silences, which was a relief. She was very compassionate and understanding, and best of all, she gave me hope that she can help me manage or overcome my depression and anxiety. The hour-long appointment flew by, and I scheduled a few more appointments (her schedule fills up very quickly). I'm actually really looking forward to my next appointment! I'm so glad that I didn't give up on therapy altogether. Like my friend told me, finding a therapist is like dating--you have to go on several first dates until you find one that you mesh with.

We're having a bit of a heat wave in Michigan right now. As I type this post, the dew point is 80 degrees! Just walking outside to let Joey go to the bathroom made me get all sticky. I wish it would thunderstorm, because we really need the rain right now, but so far we haven't had the storm.

I've been trying to think of some running goals to aim for this fall, and there are so many possibilities! A few ideas:

• A sub-1:50 half-marathon (something I've been thinking about for three years)
• A sub-23:00 5K (a 7:23/mile pace! crazy)
• No time goal, but just train to finish a half and run it for fun
• Continue to heart rate train, and see if I can get my "easy pace" lower
• Run an ultramarathon (haha, just kidding!)

When I was training for my recent 10K PR, I was loosely following a schedule on RunBritain.com, and I really liked it. It was different from any other plan I'd followed before, and it worked really well. RunBritain has a plan for a half-marathon (for a 1:35 finish--haha!). I could modify that a little, and use that to try and train for a 1:50 half-marathon. Then again, though, I loved training for a shorter distance, and I think doing 5K-specific training might be fun. 

Right now, I'm leaning toward a hard 5K. Then, if I decide I want to run a half-marathon, I could always do that as part of training and just run it very easy (it wouldn't be until November, and I have no idea how I'm going to be feeling then). It feels kind of exciting to think about running goals again!

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Week 49 Weigh-in

Week 49? When did that happen?!

I can't believe it's almost been a whole year since I started calorie counting. A year ago, I was around 160 pounds and dealing with a frustrating stress fracture of my fibula. Since then, I dropped down to my lowest weight ever (my lowest recorded weight is 121.5 on March 1st of this year); trained the hardest I've ever trained and crushed my 10K goal; felt the happiest I'd been in a long time this spring; then crashed and dealt with post-race, post-goal-weight emotions that I wasn't expecting. It's been a whirlwind of a year (well, 49 weeks, anyway).

Right now, I'm still trying to find that balance--not the super-focused, determined-to-crush-all-goals, me that I was in the early spring; but also not the lost, unmotivated me I've become recently. It's hard to find a nice, happy, medium! But, I will keep trying until I find her.

My Wednesday Weigh-in this week:

 I've been hovering right around my goal weight. Considering I've been super emotional lately, I am very happy with that ;)

I came across a post yesterday that seemed like it was written just for me, in this very moment in time. It's called "What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Losing a Lot of Weight", by Nick Eckhart. I could really relate to a LOT of what he'd written, and I felt much less alone. One thing that stood out above all else for me was this:

"When my goals were superficial or external, I lived in a perpetual state of disappointment. It was mentally exhausting, and my happiness was wrapped up in trying to achieve that elusive “after picture.” I didn’t take time to celebrate any of my achievements and instead continued to focus on what I wasn’t accomplishing.

I’ve since developed self-compassion and have embraced being imperfect (a.k.a. human). Find out what makes you feel good and celebrate those things now instead of focusing on what you don’t have or what you’re doing wrong."

 I let that sink in for a moment, as I read, and then I re-read it several times: "I didn't take time to celebrate any of my achievements and instead continued to focus on what I wasn't accomplishing." Wow. That's pretty much what I've been doing since I started losing the weight seven years ago! I'm always focused on what's ahead, and I rarely celebrate the here and now.

And one more quote, which really sums up how I feel having been so public with my weight loss (as a blogger):

"When I lost weight, my value was reinforced through the attention I got. I still worry that if I were to gain weight I would lose my value, disappointing myself and everyone around me. The problem with this thinking is while a healthy lifestyle is a part of my life, it’s not who I am."

I never really stopped to think of it like that, but it's true--every time I received a compliment on my weight loss, that compliment was reinforcing that I was more valued at a lower weight. Also true: I do worry that if I was to gain weight, I would lose my value and disappoint everyone. It makes me wonder how many people who have lost a significant amount of weight feel that way?

Something that I've been stressed over lately is that my weight is no longer at my lowest point--after my 10K, I gained 10 pounds--which actually put me back at my goal weight. Setting everything else aside, if I stop and ask myself, way deep down, "Are you happy at this weight?" The answer is yes. I am not my thinnest, but I feel really good at this weight, and like it said in the article, "it's a part of my life, it's not who I am". Nobody made me feel devalued, and most people have been nothing but helpful and encouraging; but I think I naturally felt that way because my weight was no longer at it's lowest point.

Reading that article made me take a step back and detach myself from that part of my lifestyle--looking at myself as just ME, who I am, right at this moment. Not as a "weight loss success story" or a "runner" or anything else--just ME. In general, I am happy with who I am. I have faults, just like anyone else, and I have goals of things I'd like to improve; but in general, I am happy with the person I am right now.

The biggest takeaway from this article, for me, is that my value has NOTHING to do with my weight. I know people say that all the time, but it never really sank in for me. My thoughts and ideas are the same, regardless of what my weight is at this moment.

On the flip side, if I was to gain back ALL the weight I lost, I wouldn't be the same person. I wouldn't be able to run a sub-50 10K. Hell, I wouldn't even be able to bend over and tie my shoes without getting out of breath! I wouldn't be able to run races with my kids, or be a very active parent (as evidenced from my past). And because of those things, I wouldn't be happy. In that way, I do feel my weight plays a part of who I am--to an extent. But for now, I'm healthy and I'm happy with how I look and feel; and unfortunately, I haven't really taken the time to stop and think about that over the past few months. Reading that article was very enlightening for me!

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Running and family stuff

I really haven't felt much like writing lately. You can only say the same thing over and over so many times, before it gets mundane. However, I've been thinking about some new goals to work on, so hopefully I'll find a focus soon and I can write about progress with that.

On Saturday, I did the "Zoo Run" for my Cookies Summer Running Checklist--the "Zoo Run" was where I needed to spot five different animal species during my run. I managed to do it in three miles--I saw a deer, rabbits, squirrels, a cat, and, of course, birds.

Sunday was National Ice Cream Day, and I was looking forward to my "Ice Cream Run"--mapping out a route that finished at an ice cream shop, and then literally run for ice cream.

I spent all day Sunday working on my bathroom walls (the seams of the drywall were covered by these thin strips of wood--hard to describe, and of course, I didn't take pictures). I took all those down and started prepping the walls to join the seams properly. It involved a ton of scraping and sanding.

Anyway, by the time I was done with it for the day, I really didn't have any desire to go run, even if it was for ice cream. So, I skipped it--which is a bummer, because it was one of the few runs on my list that had to be done on a particular date--but I was exhausted from working in the bathroom.

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My brother, Brian, took the kids to an airshow in Toledo on Sunday. They were SO excited to hang out with him. Since he lived in Minnesota until just recently, the kids had never really gotten to hang out with him unless I've been with them. They had a blast at the airshow.

Then, they went back to Brian's house to stay overnight. Brian sent me a text that night about a conversation between the kids as they were brushing their teeth:
Noah: "Eli, you need to brush your tongue!"
Eli: "Your tongue isn't even made out of bone, you idiot!"

Hahaha! Brian said the kids cracked him up with all the funny things they said. Kids really are so funny--I think as a parent, I sometimes feel immune to it; but to someone who isn't around kids all the time, hearing the things they say is hilarious.

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Last night, we were invited over to Renee's house to hang out with her family. She has three boys, and two of them are Noah and Eli's ages, so they had fun playing pickle and some yard games while we adults were able to chat. The time flew by, and before I knew it, it was after 11:00! Jerry had to get up for work at 3:45 this morning, so we headed home. We had a lot of fun though!

I have a pretty busy week ahead, but today I didn't have anything going on, so I got ALL of the laundry done and I did some deep cleaning. I'm hoping to finish up working on the bathroom over the weekend (Brian is supposed to come over and teach me how to do it).

I'm going to do a weigh in post tomorrow, and then I'm going to make an important (to me) goal for the week--to track EVERYTHING and keep my calories reasonable. Lately, I've really slacked off with tracking my food. I know how easily it goes from not tracking here and there to not tracking at all and eating way too much. So, I want to stop that before it starts.

Tomorrow, my family is getting together for Noah's birthday dinner (his birthday was last week, but it took a while to find a day that everyone was available). Noah chose Anson's (our favorite pizza place). I'm looking forward to it! I haven't seen Nathan in a while. I just wish my sister was able to be here, too. Now that Brian lives in Michigan, the only one "missing" is Jeanie. Anyway, my plan is to have two small slices of my favorite kind of pizza (the Reuben) and water to drink. (I'm stating that here so I'm more likely to follow through, haha).

Now, Jerry and I are going to take the kids to see The Secret Life of Pets!

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Tips for running in the summer heat

Unless someone has actually been to Michigan in July or August, they usually tend to think of my home state as being cold--crazy frigid winters and tepid summers. Temperature-wise, Michigan doesn't have many days over 100 degrees during the summer; but the humidity here makes it feel much hotter.

There is a reason that humidity sucks so much for exercise. Humidity is the amount of moisture in the air; and sweating during exercise is meant to keep you cool by evaporating off of your skin. Well, when the air is full of moisture already (humidity), the sweat doesn't evaporate from your skin. This results in a drenched-in-sweat body that can't cool off because there is nowhere for that moisture to go.

Even more important than humidity, however, is the dew point. The dew point is the temperature at which the air is saturated with water vapor. The higher the dew point temperature, the more uncomfortably sticky and humid it feels; and the closer the dew point is to actual air temperature, the more uncomfortable it will be.

Here is a chart from a Runner's World article for various dew points:

Source

Another issue with high humidity and/or dew point is that water molecules can displace some of the oxygen molecules in the air--which makes the air feel thick and hard to breathe.

All of this is to say, I know what it feels like to run in hot weather, even though I live in Michigan. I hate it when people get in arguments over which state is hotter or more miserable--all states have badass weather at some point! I used to avoid running in the heat as much as possible--I would choose the treadmill on days that were too hot. Since I've moved my treadmill to the garage, however, it's just as hot in there as it is outside. So, I've learned to just run in the heat and deal with it, and dare I say, actually enjoy it?

Here are some tips for running in the heat that have worked for me:

*Wear minimal clothing. I used to hate running in tanks because of the loose skin on my upper arms, but during the summer months, I don't give a shit what my arms look like. It's much more comfortable to wear a tank! I also like my super thin (but supportive) Under Armour Heat Gear capris.

*Wear moisture-wicking clothing. Wearing cotton when it's hot and humid just holds on to the sweat, making your clothes heavy and saturated. If you wear clothes that are moisture-wicking, the clothing won't get bogged down with sweat.

I would NOT suggest wearing a pink bra underneath a yellow top, however...

*Run early in the morning or late in the evening, when the temps are cooler. Even when it's super humid in the mornings here in Michigan, it still feels better than running with the sun beating down midday.

*Drink a big glass of ice water before heading out for a run. I always do this, and it cools my core temp, keeping me cool longer after I start running. Having an ice-cold smoothie for breakfast before a run works, too!

*Stay well-hydrated throughout the day, every day. There is nothing worse than the post-run headache that comes after running in the heat while dehydrated. It's inevitable for me! If I'm not well-hydrated, I will get a terrible headache after running in the heat. This can be prevented by always being hydrated.

*Get your head wet before you head out to run. Even just a small squirt of ice water is enough to help keep you cool for several minutes. If you carry water during a run, try squirting some on your head--it feels amazing!

*Carry ice water with you if you're going to be running more than 30 minutes or so. My favorite way to carry water is with a hydration vest (for long runs) or a handheld bottle (for short runs). I'm not a big fan of the belts, because I think they hurt my back after a while. Here are my favorite brands/models for all three:

Handheld water bottle: Amphipod Hydraform 10.5 oz handheld (they come in larger sizes, but I think 16 oz is the maximum that is comfortable to run with--otherwise, they tend to get heavy). 

Hydration belt: Amphipod Full-Tilt AirStretch Velocity Waist Bottle Holder (this holds 20 oz) 

Hydration vest: Camelbak Marathoner hydration vest (this holds 2 liters!) I wrote a whole review of it here. I was very surprised that I liked running with a vest--I expected it to be bouncy and uncomfortable, but it was great!

*Wear something to prevent chafing. Sweaty clothes are notorious for causing chafing. It's miserable to get home and jump in the shower, only to discover several places on your body became chafed during the run. I've tried several different products--Body Glide, baby powder, etc.--and my favorite anti-chafe product is actually Aquaphor. Aquaphor looks like Vaseline, but it's definitely preferable over Vaseline for chafing. Aquaphor is absorbed into your skin, where Vaseline is not; and Aquaphor contains minerals that promote the re-growth of skin tissues. (My plastic surgeon actually suggested I use it on my lower body lift scar.) I bought a big container of it, and it has lasted forever--a little goes a long way!

*Wear a sun visor. These are great for keeping the sun out of your eyes, but because they still expose your head, you can stay cooler than you would with a hat.

*Slow your running pace down--a lot. It's kind of amazing how much more comfortable it can be to run in the heat when you don't push the pace. Since I run based on heart rate, I've noticed that my heart rate is higher in the heat--so I have to slow my pace down to keep my heart rate from getting too high. Sometimes, this means running an 11:30 or 12:00 minute mile. Even though my pace is slow, I know I'm getting a good workout, because my heart rate says so! ;)

*Try to plan out a route that will be cooler--along a body of water, in the shade, or on a nature trail through the woods are great options.

*Make sure you wear sunscreen! This is especially important to me. My best friend from high school passed away in 2014 after a long battle with melanoma, caused from tanning. Melanoma is nothing to mess with, and I will do everything I can to prevent going through what Sarah did. Even a short run can cause skin damage (burn or tan), so sunscreen is super important.

*For the really unbearably hot days, have a back-up plan--I used to use the treadmill when it was inside the house (now it's in the garage, which is very hot and stuffy). My other back-up plan is the indoor track at the rec center. I wouldn't want to do a long run on it, but 3-4 miles is fine.

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I've been running for over six years now, and this summer has been the most enjoyable as far as running outside goes. It's not that we've had a cooler summer (we haven't); but, I have tried to embrace the heat instead of dread it. Slowing my pace and training by heart rate has helped tremendously! I'm not training for a race right now, so it's okay for me to keep a slow pace for all of my runs, and maybe that's why I've enjoyed it. I've also been working on my Cookies Summer Running Checklist, which has made the runs more enjoyable as well.

Anyone else have tips you want to share about running in the heat? What makes it more bearable for you? (I envy the people who have pools, and can just jump in the pool after a run! I always follow my summer runs with a cold shower.)

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Starting a new binge-free streak

Thanks for all the support on my last post! I'm still not feeling back to normal, but I'm doing better than I was last weekend. This past week, I've spent pretty much equal time between relaxing and staying very busy. It was the last week of baseball for the kids, as well as Noah's birthday, which kept us busy; other than that, though, we didn't have much going on.

I've been doing really well with my eating habits the last few days, which is good. Early this week, when my depression was the worst it's been in a long time, I did something I hadn't done in almost a full YEAR--I binged.

The odd thing is, I didn't even beat myself up for it. I was so close to surpassing my binge-free streak from 2009-2010 (365 days); but last weekend, I felt really overwhelmed and unhappy. And, in the moment, eating took my mind off of it. I felt better for a couple of hours.

Now, of course, I completely regret doing it; but still, I'm not dwelling on it. It happened, it's over, and now I'll just start a new binge-free streak. Binge eating is something I've always dealt with, and I'll probably always have to deal with. I feel very accomplished for the long binge-free streak I had, so I don't feel like I "failed".

In the past, if I would binge after not doing it for a while, I would then have a "screw it" attitude and continue bingeing for several days or even weeks. This time was different, though. I immediately got back on track. I even took the kids out for ice cream on Noah's birthday with my parents, Brian, and Becky, and I didn't order anything. It would have been so easy to just say, "one more day" and order a large flurry; but I knew I could live without ice cream just that once ;)

Anyway, I really don't want to make a big thing out of the binge. It happened, it's done, and I've been eating really well the last few days. The most helpful key to being on track has been planning out what I'm going to make for dinner, instead of waiting until the last minute when everyone is starving. Also, I've been back in a good daily routine, which is always helpful.

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My running has been going well, too. After running with Stephanie last weekend, and seeing that my foot pod wasn't correctly calibrated, I felt like my sub-8:00 mile at the rec center last Friday didn't really "count". I was curious if I could still actually run a sub-8:00 mile--outdoors, using GPS.

Yesterday, even though it was 75 degrees with 83% humidity, I headed out to try for a sub-8:00 mile. It's interesting how much has changed in just three months! In April, I ran a 10K at a 7:55 pace; and now, I wasn't even sure if I could manage one mile at that pace. But considering I scaled back my training a LOT, it was to be expected.

Anyway, it was tough, but the mile actually went by pretty quickly. I started off too fast, and I almost threw in the towel after just a couple of minutes; but I forced myself to slow down and stick it out. I really needed to do well on it, if only to feel better mentally.

As soon as I reached one mile (7:51), I slowed to a walk for about a minute to catch my breath. That mile was hard! But I was really happy that I managed to do it. It was so humid that I was dripping with sweat after only a mile. I ran the second and third mile pretty slowly, but my heart rate was still high (either from the humidity or the fast first mile I did). When I hit mile three, I was about 4/10 of a mile from home, so I decided to run hard for that last portion. I managed a 7:30 pace for that last (almost) half-mile! It was a great run, and I felt amazing when I was done.

That first mile was actually faster than the one I'd done in the rec center (which used the foot pod to calculate distance), so even if the foot pod was wrong, I'm happy to see that I still have a sub-8:00 in me.

I've been thinking lately about possibly training for a half marathon in November. It's been a year and a half since I ran my last half-marathon (the Santa Hustle in 2014, when I got injured). I've LOVED training for shorter distances, and it's so nice to be injury-free. But, I really do miss working on goals. I'm curious what my new therapist will say about it (my previous therapist thought it would be good for me to not set any running goals this summer). I liked the idea of learning to maintain my weight without having goals, but clearly it's not working out for me! ;)

I'm not sure yet if I want to train for a half-marathon, but it's crossed my mind. If I don't do that, I'll probably train hard for a 5K (PR) this fall. I'm still about 16 weeks away from the Monroe Half (my hometown half-marathon), so I have about a month to decide what I want to do before I'll need to start training. Right now, I just want to get my head in a good place and continue working on my binge-free streak!

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Getting real with depression

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I've been going through a tough time (not necessarily with food, but just in general with depression) and I don't really have much to write about here. I think I still need some more time, so I'm going to give it a few more days after this post. But here is a quick recap of the last few days:

• I quit my run streak yesterday. I never intended for it to turn into an actual run streak, but I really felt like running a lot lately, so I just went with it. Yesterday, though, I felt some twinges in my knee, so I decided not to push it. It just confirms that my body needs rest days! The streak lasted 15 days, which was the longest I've ever done. 

• I really liked having that routine, though, where I would wake up, eat breakfast, go for a run, shower, and get ready for the day. So, I think I may continue doing that same routine, only I won't run every day--I'll go for a walk or a bike ride 2-3 days a week instead of a run. That way, I can keep the routine, but not get injured from daily running. 

• I went for a long run with Stephanie on Saturday morning. We ran a route that I hadn't run in a long time, and it was her first time doing it. It goes right along the Raisin River, and then around a park. It's a great route!

• I decided to turn off my GPS on my watch and see how close my foot pod came to the distance shown on Stephanie's Garmin. The route we ran was exactly 6 miles, and my foot pod ended up counting 6.55. That's a pretty big difference! When I ran quarter-mile laps at the track, the foot pod was spot-on. But, over the course of 6 miles, it was inaccurate. Back to the drawing board with the foot pod. 

• Noah's birthday is tomorrow, and Jerry and I planned to get him a cell phone for his birthday. We'd been telling the kids that they could get a phone when they were 13 (Noah is turning 12), but he is truly one of the last of his friends to get a phone. So, we decided to get one for him now instead of next year. 

• We got the phone activated on Sunday, and we decided to give it to him yesterday (we were just too excited to wait). My mom really wanted to be there when we gave it to him, knowing how excited he would be, so my parents stopped by after baseball last night for ice cream sundaes and for Noah to open his gift. His reaction was perfect--he was SO surprised and excited! (It's an iPhone 6 with a LifeProof case.)

• Monica is adjusting really well to her new surroundings. She's been much more playful and less inhibited the last several days. I even found her and Estelle sleeping next to each other on my bed, and they looked nearly identical if not for Monica's long hair. 

• On Sunday night, I was lying in bed, unable to sleep, when I heard some commotion outside. It was about midnight, and it sounded like people arguing (but in odd voices). I looked out the window, and there were about eight raccoons in my driveway! They were standing in a circle, "arguing" with each other. It was so odd! They get into our trash all the time, but usually I don't see them--just the garbage they leave lying on the ground. I opened the front door, and they all looked at me, and then scurried into the woods. 

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A few notes regarding depression:

Writing about depression on my blog is very difficult for me, because depression (or mental illness in general) has such a negative stigma surrounding it. The main reason I still write about it now and then is because I get emails from people thanking me for sharing--SO many people deal with depression on a daily basis, and it really does help when you don't feel so alone. 

I've had clinical depression since I was a young teen (I think about 12 or 13). I go through phases where it feels like it's in "remission" and I don't have symptoms--sometimes several months or even a year long--and then I have times where it feels really bad. This is one of those really bad times, and it's hard to write about without sounding like a Debbie Downer, so I've just chosen not to write at all. 

Thankfully, the really bad times don't last very long--anywhere from a week to six weeks, usually. And I always remind myself that it will get better (it always does) so I just have to wait it out. 

Usually, when my depression goes through a bad bout, like it is now, I tend to pull away from my friends and become as reclusive as I can. This time, however, I've been doing my best not to let that happen. I went out for lunch with Andrea on Thursday, dinner with Sarah on Thursday night, ran with Stephanie on Saturday, and made plans with Andrea and Renee for next week. Caitlin, from my Ragnar SoCal team, is going to come visit in a couple of weeks. And I have plans to meet up with a blog reader for dinner in Detroit next month. I'm hoping that by making all these plans and staying busy with friends, I won't let my depression take over.

It's interesting, because I was just looking through some past posts on my blog about taking breaks from blogging, or when I've had bad bouts with depression, and it typically happens in July! I never realized there was a pattern before, but July must be a bad month for me, for some reason. It's odd how quickly it snuck up on me this time, though--I felt on top of the world just a few months ago. 

I stopped going to therapy, because my therapist and I just weren't meshing very well (I didn't feel very comfortable being open with her, and I found myself dreading my appointments because of it); but, I made an appointment with a different therapist that I will see next week. I didn't really feel like I was getting anywhere with my previous therapist--I loved that I was learning things about myself, but I wasn't noticing any real improvement. I know it takes time, but I'd been going for over three months, so I would have expected something to have changed. Anyway, this new therapist was highly recommended by a friend, and I liked her from the short phone conversation we had, so hopefully we click well. 

Speaking of which, I've gotten several emails from blog readers who are interested in starting psychotherapy, but are overwhelmed about choosing a therapist. I felt the same way, which is why it took me so long to finally do it! But a friend of mine said that choosing a therapist is like dating--you may have to go on several "first dates" before finding the right one. (And even though things didn't work out with my previous therapist, I still feel like it was worth the time I spent with her--I learned a lot about myself!). 

I have a lot going on later this summer and this fall, so I want to be in a good place mentally when things start getting busy. August 2nd is when the From Fat to Finish Line documentary is being released. Angela, the producer and film company owner, decided to turn From Fat to Finish Line into a brand, and she's asked me to join the team. Rik and I are both certified running coaches, so we'll be writing training plans and leading online training groups--a dream job for me! ;)  I don't have a ton of details yet, but I'm excited for this new project. 

I'll also be coaching cross country starting mid-August; and then over Labor Day weekend, Jerry and I are taking the kids to Virginia Beach. Then school starts when we get home! It's crazy--I feel like summer just started, but it's already halfway over, and the rest is going to fly by. I think that staying busy will be a good thing, though.

Anyway, I'm glad that I took the time to write this! Like I said, it's hard to write about depression, but writing this post actually helped me feel a little better. Hopefully, I'll be back in the normal swing of things soon. 

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Indoor track (and another trailer for the documentary)

After my last post, I took the boys to their baseball games which lasted all evening. We didn't get home until 8:30, and Joey had been cooped up in the house while we were gone, so I was going to take him for a quick walk around the neighborhood. I started thinking about the unintentional run streak I had going on, and at the last minute, decided to run a mile with Joey instead of walk (to keep the streak alive).

In the six years I've been running, that was the longest run streak I'd ever had (like I said, I'm not a big believer in running every single day). It was hard not to continue it, though! I made sure to go nice and easy, and it was only a mile.

It's been crazy-humid in Michigan this week, which makes for miserable running weather. Lately, I've been dealing with the heat really well--I was running in 85 degree temps, which is great for cold-loving me--but the humidity was only in the 40%'s, so it wasn't that bad. This week, even when the temp is just 75, it's too humid to be enjoyable.

Yesterday, Jerry was off work, so he took the boys to practice in the morning. When they left, I decided to go use the indoor track at the high school recreation center. I don't normally like running on it, because it's a very small track (1/12th of a mile), and the constant turning can wear on one knee--but since I've been running such short distances lately, I figured 2-3 miles wouldn't be too bad, and I could listen to a podcast.

One of the runs on my Cookies Summer Running Checklist is a track run (indoor or outdoor), so I got to check that one off the list. I was the only person on the track the entire time! It was super quiet, which was really nice. I had forgotten my headphones, so I just zoned out while I was running in the silence. (It sounds terrible, but it was really enjoyable to be that quiet and just hear a light tapping of my shoes on the track.)

My fist in that picture seems to be saying, "Go get 'em, Champ!" or something like that. Also, my shorts were blue, so it looks like my body is cut off at the waist, haha.

It was actually just as hot in the rec center as it was outside. I wish they'd crank up the air conditioning in there, or at least have some fans going. But, it was nice not to have the sun beating down on me. I'll probably go there often over the next month or two.

Today was another humid day, and the kids were scheduled to run as well. So I took them to the rec center, and the three of us ran on the track. Eli was scheduled for 1.5 miles, and Noah was scheduled for 3. It was fun to be able to run "together", but not have to stick right next to each other.

Normally, I try to do some sort of speed work on Thursdays*, but running intervals on the track is really bad for my knees (the indoor track is just too small for running that fast). Instead, I decided to run a warm-up mile, a tempo mile, and then a cool down mile.

*Just as I was typing this, I realized that today is FRIDAY, not Thursday! Oh, well, I didn't do speed work yesterday, so it worked out anyway.

I felt really good during the warm-up mile, so I decided to aim for sub-8:00 on the tempo mile. It sounds like it should be easy, considering I ran a 10K at that pace just three months ago, but I've only run a few sub-8:00 miles since the 10K.

Surprisingly, the second mile went by really quickly! The pace felt difficult, but not too difficult, and I actually felt like I probably could do another mile or two at that pace if needed. My heart rate for that mile was 165 bpm, which is just what I would have expected. After that mile, I slowed down to run with Noah, because he still had over a mile to go. Eli even joined in for another half mile with us. When we were done, we were all dripping with sweat because it was hot in there. It was a great run, though!

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This afternoon, the back of my heel felt kind of sore, and I thought maybe I developed a blister or something (if feet gross you out, you might want to close this post now). I took off my sock, and noticed a piece of hair stuck to my foot (the hair wasn't growing there, it was just stuck there). When I tried to brush it off, I realized the entire thing was stuck underneath my skin! It was like a grew a layer of skin on top of it.

I ended up having to use a needle and tweezers to pull it out from under my skin. I instantly felt relief, and it wasn't even sore anymore after a couple of minutes. So weird! I imagine maybe the hair was inside of my sock, and somehow got stuck to my foot that way. I don't know. (It was pretty satisfying to pull it out, though).

Sorry if I grossed anyone out, but I just thought it was odd enough that it was worth mentioning here! Haha.

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I'll leave you with another new trailer for From Fat to Finish Line!



And here is a behind-the-scenes teaser video:

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Week 47 Weigh-in

I'm not going to reflect much on my weigh in today, because I wrote it all last week. My "moving average" is up a little more... again. I wish I could say that after last week's confessional about my struggles right now, I pulled myself together and kicked ass this week. But, that's not the case. I am pulling myself along to the best of my ability right now, and that's all I can really do.

Yesterday, I read an email from a reader regarding last week's post, and it really made me stop and think. She said to try to focus on the parts of fitness and food that make me happy rather than looking for that specific area to improve. I really like that idea! I am always so focused on the struggles and how to fix them that I never really think about the parts that I enjoy.

Here are some things about food and fitness that I really enjoy:

• Watermelon (I'm obsessed with watermelon right now!)
• Easy runs (the truly easy ones, when I feel like it's a light jog)
• Home-cooked food
• La Croix water
• Running with my kids and Jerry
• Feeling fit
• Logging my food on Fat Secret (yes, I'm in the minority, but I love logging my food!)
• Hitting my step goal on Fitbit (I started wearing it again last week)
• Looking at my running data (because I'm a numbers nerd)

Okay, that's what I could come up with for now. I just realized how rare it is that I really think about how much I enjoy those things! Lately, I've been stressing about the things I'm doing "wrong"--snacking when I'm not hungry, overindulging in ice cream, etc.--that I haven't thought about the things I'm doing "right"--drinking tons of water, getting in my runs, eating a lot of fresh fruit, etc. I think that simple mind trick might help with my mood and stop me from worrying so much about it.

Anyway, while this week hasn't been great as far as eating goes (I typically have one good day, one bad day, one good day, etc...), I've had an AWESOME week as far as my running goes. I unintentionally started a run streak, and yesterday was actually Day 10. I don't normally do run streaks, because I believe rest days are super important; but like I said, I didn't do this intentionally.

Last Wednesday, I scheduled a rest day, but that morning, I really wanted to run. So I did! I was going to rest on Friday, but it was raining in the morning, so I headed out to get in my "Rainy Run" on my Cookies Summer Running Checklist. Then on Monday, I was scheduled for another rest day, but since I wanted to get in a run for the 4th of July (again, for my Checklist), I ran again.

So, while last week I mentioned that I really need to make a running schedule because I was having a hard time getting motivated to run, now I feel overly motivated--crazy! I really like having a routine, and after a rest day, I always have a hard time pushing myself out the door to run. It's comfortable doing the same thing every day, and for the last 10 days, that's included running.

My mileage hasn't been crazy, though--there were three runs that were just two miles. I never used to think a run was worth it if it wasn't at least three miles long, but I've really enjoyed the two-milers this week. I've liked doing my Summer Running Checklist a lot, too!

Today, I broke the run streak in order to take a rest day. I was tempted to continue the streak, but the last thing I need is to get injured again. Now, if only I could just get overly motivated to work on my diet... ;)

This week, I'd like to focus on getting back into the habit of eating on a schedule. I think that is what was most helpful in not overeating when I was doing really well. Lately, I've been snacking a lot in the afternoon and evening, when I am not even hungry, which is where the problem is.

BUT--like I said above--I am not going to focus on the problem right now. One thing that I enjoy about eating on a schedule is that I actually feel hungry when it's time to eat, and food tastes so much better when I'm hungry. So, instead of stressing about snacking all afternoon, I'm going to try to keep in mind how much I enjoy my snack at night when I'm actually hungry. I think this approach will help with my mood/attitude.

So, thank you, Reader (not sure if you want your name mentioned, so I won't) for the suggestion of focusing on the things I enjoy about food and fitness! It's very refreshing :)

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How to Become a Runner (and Get Faster)

In theory, becoming a runner is simple--you just run, and you're a runner! But anyone who tries it for the first time knows that it's actually not that easy. Running is tough! And at first, it's not enjoyable, because you get out of breath and exhausted.

When I tried to start a running program (the ever-popular Couch to 5K plan), I could never get through week 4. (You can read my story of how I became a runner here.) And more than anything, I hated doing run/walk intervals. I found myself dreading each run interval, which made the entire workout kind of miserable. Since I couldn't get past week 4, I finally decided to do my own plan--something that got the running portion out of the way at the beginning of the workout, and then I wouldn't have to dread the intervals.

I continued to increase my mileage until I was running three miles at a time. Only then did I start working on getting faster.

I recently wrote a training plan that is very similar to what I did when I started running. I wasn't following a formal plan, but the way I've written this is as close as it gets. Before getting started running, I suggest building up a routine of walking 30 minutes, 3-4 times per week. This is important because it makes the routine a habit. When you've built up this habit, you'll feel very "off" when you miss a workout--and that's a good thing! It will help you to stick with the running plan.

Click here for the "Walk to Run" training plan PDF

Some tips for getting started as a runner:

   I know it's cliché, but I have to say it: Check with your doctor. Show him or her the training plan. Make sure you're healthy enough to do it.

   Choose a 5K race to sign up for, and register NOW--right this minute--so that you are motivated to stick with the training schedule. Once you're running for 30 minutes straight from using the Walk to Run plan, you can continue to build up a base with my Base Building for Beginners plan. When choosing a race, I would pick one that's about 4 months away, and make it your motivation to stick with the training!

   Once you choose a race and register, tell everyone you know. Right away. Announce it on Facebook, tell your friends and family, your hair stylist, your dental hygienist, everyone you see. This is also insurance that you will actually get in the training. How embarrassing would it feel if you just up and quit, and then everyone asks about your race?

   Choose a training plan. If you don't use mine, then find one that fits into your lifestyle--if you don't have much time to run, don't choose a plan that has you running six days a week for an hour each time.

   If the running feels too hard, or you think you can't make it through the running portion of each workout, SLOW DOWN YOUR PACE. It should feel ridiculously, embarrassingly slow! If you slow down, and progress the plan as written, you should be able to complete the workouts.

   Go to a running store and get fitted for good running shoes. They aren't cheap, but they are a great investment! The wrong running shoes can cause injury and making running miserable. Besides, if you invest in good shoes, you'll be more likely to stick with the training. You will feel terrible if you waste the money you spent on those shoes!

   Be consistent with your training. I can't stress enough how important it is to train consistently! Choose a training plan that you can fit into your life (the one I've written is 30 minutes, 3-4 times per week... which I think is do-able for pretty much anyone). Once you start skipping workouts, it becomes easier and easier to skip more--and then quit. Make a commitment that works for you (I committed to 30 minutes, 3 days per week) and make it NON-NEGOTIABLE.

   Do the plan with a friend, if possible, to make it more fun! If that doesn't work out, you can keep things interesting by running several different routes. Post to social media about your runs, so that you hold yourself accountable. Follow runners on social media, like Instagram, to motivate you to stick with your training.

All of that said, becoming a runner really is as simple as just running! And I promise that it gets easier the more you do it... when I think back to my first run, I'm kind of amazed at how far I've come. I went from running less than 1/10th of a mile to running three full marathons! I used to think running was the hardest exercise to do, but now I find it the easiest (aside from walking). If you stick with the training, and do it consistently, you will be amazed at yourself as well!

The first thing that people ask me once they start running regularly is how to get faster. In the beginning, I wouldn't worry about this at all. The most important thing is running regularly, and building the discipline needed to continuously run several times a week for the long term. However, if you've build up a solid base of easy running, then here are some ways to get faster...

To Build Speed:

   Run more mileage. The more you run, the better you will be at at running--just like anything else in life, practice makes (almost) perfect. So, just by running consistently, you will naturally get faster as your body gets conditioned to the mileage.

   Start some basic speed work. Speed work should make up no more than 20% of the time you spend running, so use it minimally. (Even experienced runners shouldn't do more than 20% speed work). Also, you should never do two "hard runs" on back-to-back days. Hard runs are anything faster than an easy run, OR a long run. A long run is considered a hard run, so you shouldn't do it back-to-back with other hard runs.

The simplest speed work you can add is called a "Fartlek" run. For a Fartlek, you basically run at several different speeds without rhyme or reason. You may start at an easy jog, and then sprint to the next mailbox. Then slow until you reach the corner. Then run hard for the length of a block. And then slow jog for the rest of the song you're listening to. And so on. It shouldn't be a specific time or distance--just whatever you feel like doing at the moment. By doing some short, fast bursts of running, your legs will start to strengthen those muscles needed to get faster.

   Another form of speed work is similar to the Fartlek run, but it's very structured, and we call it "intervals" or "repeats". This may mean running for 60 seconds very fast, and then walking or jogging slowly for 60 seconds. Or it could be running hard for 1/4 mile, and then walking or jogging slowly for 1/8 of a mile. Then you repeat each set several times. These are tough workouts! But they will most certainly make you a faster runner.

   Finally, another run that I believe makes a world of difference in your ability to get faster is called a "tempo run". For this run, you might jog five minutes at an easy pace, and then run at tempo pace for 25 minutes, and then jog to cool down. Tempo pace is faster than an easy run, but not as hard as sprinting. It should be uncomfortable enough to where you wish you could slow down, but you know that you could continue at that pace for the duration. I usually do these at the fastest pace I can manage without having to slow down or take a break. And I am completely spent at the end!

Those are three basic forms of speed work that will certainly make you a faster runner, once you have a solid base. However, it's super important to develop a base of easy running before you start adding in speed work. PLEASE read my post about "The Importance of the Easy Run" before you start running at all.

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Well, there you have it! How to get started as a runner, as well as how to get faster once you've built your easy run base.

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Walk to Run Training Plan

This plan is for those who aren't currently runners, but would like to get started.

Click here for a PDF of the Walk to Run Plan

When I tried to start a running program (the ever-popular Couch to 5K plan), I could never get through week 4. And more than anything, I hated doing run/walk intervals. I found myself dreading each run interval, which made the entire workout kind of miserable. Since I couldn't get past week 4, I finally decided to do my own plan--something that got the running portion out of the way at the beginning of the workout, and then I wouldn't have to dread the intervals.

My first run, I went out and ran as far as I could--which ended up being less than 1/10th of a mile. It was hard, and I couldn't imagine how anyone could run a mile, let alone a full marathon (as my friend Renee had done recently). Then I walked until that workout reached 30 minutes.

The next time I went out, I tried to run just a little farther than before. And again, I walked until the workout reached 30 minutes. I continued to do this, going a little farther each time I ran. However, I wasn't progressing as quickly as I would have liked. I talked to my brother about it, and he gave me some advice that would become the most useful advice I'd ever received as a runner. He told me to "Slow down! If you run really slowly, you'll be able to go a lot farther than you think you can."

The next time I ran, I ended up running my first mile! I couldn't believe how much better it felt when I went slowly. I felt like I could probably have walked faster than I was running, but it didn't matter at that point. I continued to increase my mileage until I was running three miles at a time. Only then did I start working on getting faster.

I recently wrote a training plan that is very similar to what I did when I started running: The "Walk to Run" Plan. I wasn't following a formal plan, but the way I've written this is as close as it gets. Before getting started running, I suggest building up a routine of walking 30 minutes, 3-4 times per week. This is important because it makes the routine a habit. When you've built up this habit, you'll feel very "off" when you miss a workout--and that's a good thing! It will help you to stick with the running plan.

So, this plan is for those of you that want to get started running, but you hate the thought of doing run/walk intervals. You should be capable of walking 30 minutes, 3 times per week to be able to handle this plan. Also, I have to say this, make sure you check with your doctor before you begin. Show them a copy of the plan and just make sure they are cool with you following it.

Once you're in the habit of walking 30 minutes, 3-4 times per week, then you can start with "Week 0" of the training plan (which is just walking). You won't start any actual running until Week 1. The first running workout seems sort of silly:

Walk 5 minutes
Run 30 seconds
Walk 24:30 minutes

It totals 30 minutes, and there is a grand total of just 30 seconds of running! But it's nice to get that running portion out of the way early, and then you don't have to worry about it for the rest of the workout.

When I say "run" 30 seconds, what I really mean is "lightly jog". Pretty much anyone can jog lightly for 30 seconds! The plan progresses slowly, adding just 30 seconds to 1 or 2 minutes per workout. It's kind of amazing that by adding just a tiny amount here and there, you'll be running for 30 straight minutes after 12 weeks (11 weeks, if you don't count Week 0).

I hope the plan is simple to follow, and I wish you the best as you become a runner! I welcome all feedback, good or bad, about the plan and how it works for you. Enjoy :)

Click here for a PDF of the Walk to Run Plan

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