Girls weekend

I just got home from an amazing time with amazing friends. I set my alarm for 5:00 yesterday morning, because Renee was going to pick me up at 6 to head up north. I was SO tired. I couldn't sleep at all, because I was thinking about the trip. But I got up, showered, packed a few last minute things. I was planning on writing a blog before I left, but I didn't have time.

Renee had picked up Jessica and Rachael already, so after they got me, we headed north. We went to Renee's in-law's house on Lake Huron. The view was GORGEOUS. They have their own private sandy beach.

We ate lunch (and wine!) outside on the balcony:

And then we went for a walk on the beach, looking for cool rocks.  Renee went for a swim, but I just wasn't wanting to get wet yet.

Jessica, Rachael, Renee, and me

After that, we headed over to the wine festival. We paid $10 for a glass and two tickets for tastings. I bought 5 more tickets for $2 a piece, so that I could taste more wine. 

Rachael, me, Jessica, and Renee

Cheers!

Cute t-shirts for sale

After the festival, I had a pretty good wine buzz going on. We walked around to some little shops for a while, and then went to dinner. By this time, we were all looking like we were going to fall asleep any minute, and it was only 5 pm. We ate dinner, then got ice cream. We headed back to the house, which was just a couple of miles away.

We made a campfire on the beach, and then sat around talking and laughing. We started to take pictures, and we wanted to get some that looked very genuine--so we started snapping pictures while making each other laugh. Rachael said something that made us all laugh so hard we almost peed. We spit out our wine and had tears rolling down our cheeks from laughing so hard--it was awesome!

I love this picture of Renee!

After that, we started using the timer feature on Jessica's camera. We set the timer and then ran to pose in silly ways. Keep in mind we'd all had a LOT of wine by this point, so it made a lot of sense to us! ;)

Love this one! Renee looks awesome. I'm wearing a life vest.

Super cute pic!

Getting a little goofier

We had to do this in 2 takes... my arms are a little sore today ;)

There was a fire in there... I swear!

Here, we laid on the sand to pose... and I saw a SPIDER. I flipped out, naturally.

After this, Renee jokingly suggested skinny dipping. I said I could be talked into it. Rachael and Jessica said no, but Renee and I ended up stripping to our birthday suits and running into the lake. After we dressed again, Jessica and Rachael decided to do it also, so the four of us went skinny-dipping underneath the red moon. It was so fun!!

And this picture is all you get. The camera was put AWAY for the skinny dipping part ;)  As if on a timer, while we were in the water, someone started setting off fireworks across the lake. It was the best timing ever! We watched the fireworks, then got out and dressed. We went into the house and played some Euchre. I think Euchre is just a Michigan thing... it's a fun 4-person card game.

We were faking the intensity for the picture ;)

Lots more laughs, and then we hit the hay. I was asleep almost instantly. Woke up this morning feeling hungover like I had a great time the night before. We packed up and drove home. It was SUCH a fun Saturday!!

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Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

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Grocery Shopping

I went grocery shopping today for the first time since I made the decision to stop spending so much on groceries. My budget was $100, and I ended up spending $99.58. I didn't bring a calculator or anything, but I'm really good at estimating cost. When my husband and I shop together, we always guess what the total will be, and I win every single time--usually within a couple of dollars :)

Grocery shopping is so much different when you're considering the cost rather than the calories or nutrition value. Since I'm eating intuitively, I'm not so insistent on certain brands or anything to get the least amount of calories for the largest amount of food. I still bought pretty healthy stuff, but I left out a lot of things that I normally would have loved to buy--like almond butter :(  My Kettle almond butter is $6/jar, and I just can't afford that. Also nixed from the list were Vitatop muffins--$4 per box; Ezekiel bread--$4/loaf; So Delicious coconut milk creamer--$2.50; almond milk--$3/half gallon; and some other things. Those are items that only I use, so it wasn't fair for me to spend my family's grocery budget on them.  I'll survive ;)

I bought a couple of bags of unsweetened coconut to make coconut butter. I had yet ANOTHER almost-empty nut butter jar (Kettle almond butter) this morning, so I used it for cold oats in a jar again. I washed out the jar after breakfast, and used it for the coconut butter that I made:

Have you ever made coconut butter? If not, you should try it. It's delicious! I just took two 5-oz. bags of unsweetened coconut (make sure you use unsweetened... I think I read on Lori's blog that the sweetened coconut doesn't work), threw it into my food processor, and let it rip for about 20 minutes. Occasionally, I'd stop it and scrape down the sides. It takes a long time, and I seriously thought my processor was about to overheat, but finally I was rewarded with yummy coconut butter. Some people add things to it (like chocolate!) but I've only made it plain.

My husband said that the pizza place near us now has a "chili dog pizza". I thought that would be super easy to create at home, so that's what I'm making for dinner tonight. Homemade pizza crust, hot dog chili sauce, cheddar cheese, hot dog slices, raw onions, and mustard. Doesn't that sound awesome?!

Tomorrow morning, I'm leaving at 5:15 to head up north with my friends Renee, Jessica, and Rachael. We're going to a wine festival, and then staying overnight by the beach. It should be a fun overnight girls trip. I won't be around to write a blog, but I might prepare a blog that will post tomorrow.

Do you buy any items at the grocery store that are pretty expensive, but you just have to buy it? I can give up a lot of things, but I won't budge on my natural peanut butter. I don't care what brand it is, but the only acceptable ingredients to me are peanuts (and maybe salt).

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A scary first step!

I took a very scary first step today toward something I've been thinking about for a long time. I made a consultation appointment with a plastic surgeon for a tummy tuck.

As I've mentioned before, I have a lot of loose skin from my weight loss, and my stomach is the worst. Not only is it unsightly, it hurts when I run or do anything active (it also gets in the way of movement); I have severe back pain that has only gotten worse as I've lost weight, and I'm starting to wonder if the "apron" in front may be causing that; I get rashes and infections under the "apron" sometimes, which is extremely painful.

In this photo, you can clearly see the overhang of skin...

I have saggy skin in other areas as well--my arms, thighs, butt, boobs--but I can live with that. I don't plan on getting surgery for those areas. I'm really hoping and praying that my insurance company will pay for the tummy tuck, because if not, I definitely cannot afford it.

Anyway, my appointment is August 26, which was the soonest they could get me in. It's $134 just for the consult. I know some plastic surgeons do free consults, but my sister learned (when she got a boob job years ago) that the free consults consist of a 30 second look at you and a "Yep, you're candidate, let's schedule the surgery," where the consults that you pay for consist of a lengthy appointment where the surgeon discusses it all with you in detail.

I e-mailed my jaw surgeon, because he was my favorite doctor EVER and I really trust his opinion, and asked him to recommend a plastic surgeon. He gave me a couple of names and I checked them out. I liked one in particular who happens to be a woman.

My insurance company said that once I see the surgeon, it'll take about 4-6 weeks to hear back whether I'm approved by insurance. So I'm thinking that my surgery would be in late October. I can recover all winter and then hopefully be well enough to train for the Indy half-marathon in May.

It's so scary to think that this might actually happen!! I'm super nervous, but I will be thrilled if it all works out.

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A couple of days ago, I discovered that I had not one, but TWO almost empty nut butter jars--one jar of Barney Butter and one jar of Krema natural peanut butter. So the past two mornings, I've made cold oats in a jar. I know most food bloggers do the "overnight" oats, but I never plan that far ahead. I just add chia seeds, to my mix, let it sit in the fridge for 10 minutes, and it looks like it sat overnight. Thick and creamy.

Yesterday, I used the Barney Butter jar.

I added the following: oats (a little more than 1/3 cup), almond milk (1/2 cup), 1 Tbsp. chia seeds, 1 tsp. maple syrup, 1 Tbsp. coconut, 1 Tbsp. raisins. See how liquidy it is? Put it in the fridge for 10-15 minutes.

And it comes out looking like this:

Cold oats aren't the prettiest breakfast, but they sure do taste good! Today I used the Krema PB jar, and turned it into a "no-bake cookie" type cold oats.

Oats + almond milk + cocoa powder (1 T) + maple syrup (1 tsp) + chia seeds

After sitting for 10 minutes

I love to scrape down the sides of the jar as I eat this, because you get peanut butter (or almond butter) with every bite.

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Have any of you had a tummy tuck, or other post-weight loss surgery? Any advice before I go to my consult?

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Binge-free streak (and intuitive eating)

Today was my weigh-in, and I was happy to see that I dropped 7 pounds this week, bringing me BACK to 142. I'm also excited to talk about something that I've been wanting to mention all week but haven't out of fear of jinxing myself...

I didn't count a single calorie this week. I managed to lose 7 pounds without counting calories. When I wrote my goals on my anniversary post, one of the goals was to try to learn more about my binge eating and keep a food journal more focused on WHY I eat rather than how many calories I'm consuming. I decided to try that out this week and experiment with intuitive eating.

Now, intuitive eating is nothing new to me--I've tried it numerous times in the past. But this past week has been different for me because my goal was not weight loss, but to eat like a normal person and not binge. I even told myself that if I did binge, it wouldn't mean I failed--I could just write down all I was feeling surrounding the binge and hopefully discover some binge triggers.

In an ideal world for me, I would be an intuitive eater. I wouldn't obsess over food or count or weigh/measure my food. I would just eat a normal amount of food and maintain a normal weight. Sounds perfect, right?

While it sounds too good to be true, I'm really going to try to reach this goal this year. I've maintained a 100+ pound weight loss for over a year now, and I think I'm ready to really focus on fixing the eating issues I have (binge eating, emotional eating, compulsive eating).

This week was very eye-opening for me. In the past, when I've tried intuitive eating, I had a hard time just letting go of certain thoughts and TRUSTING myself 100%. If I felt hungry, I would tell myself, "Well, I just ate 30 minutes ago, so I know I'm not really hungry."  Or, "I'm hungry. I'm craving cookies. Since that's what I'm craving, that's what I'll eat." But I wasn't really craving cookies. I just thought that's what I SHOULD be craving, if that makes sense. I might have been craving grapes, but I would have thought that was absurd, because who craves grapes?!

So anyway, this week I decided to completely separate my mind from my body when it came to eating. I trusted my body and when my mind tried to butt in with thoughts about my eating, I shoved the thoughts aside. I turned out to have a very successful week--I didn't binge at all, and I felt like a "normal" person. There are a few eating occasions that stand out in my mind, that I'll mention:

Graduation party--We went to a grad party next door on Saturday, and I was hungry. I scoped out the food and chose everything that sounded good to me, completely disregarding thoughts of health and nutrition. I filled a plate with about 5 different items.

When I sat down to eat, I cut a pulled pork sandwich in half and gave half to Jerry. I ate and truly enjoyed everything on my plate. I left one bite of each item--not to conserve calories, but to mentally acknowledge that it's okay to leave food on my plate. Then the CAKE... I split a piece with Noah, stopping when I was comfortably full and satisfied, and leaving a bite on my plate.

Chocolate chips and almonds--A few evenings ago, I was hungry for a snack after dinner. I wanted chocolate chips and almonds, so I put together a small bowl of about an ounce of each. I ate it and really wanted more. THIS is the point where, in the past, I would have said, "You don't really want more, you're satisfied, you just think you want more, etc."

So this time, I tried something different. I got another bowl (again, about an ounce of each of the chocolate chips and almonds). I ate that. And I wanted MORE. I wasn't feeling at all sick of the chocolate or full or anything. So I got another bowl. I ate 1 almond with 2 chocolate chips, and something at THAT point make me think, "Okay, now I'm satisfied," and I put the rest of the almonds and chocolate chips back. I wasn't full, I didn't feel sick, and I felt like I truly trusted my body.

Cereal for dinner--Last night, I wanted cereal for dinner. The serving size on the cereal I chose (some sort of wheat flakes with pecans, dates, and raisins) was 3/4 cup. That's a tiny amount of cereal! I didn't measure it out, but I poured probably a little over a cup into my bowl and added almond milk. I ate the cereal and enjoyed it. But even though I had more than the serving size, I still wasn't full. I poured some more (about 1/2 cup) and ate that, and then I felt satisfied.

There is a very fine line between being satisfied/comfortably full and overeating. I didn't want to overeat, but I didn't want to be hungry either, because that always triggers a binge for me. This week, I learned how to find that magical spot. I learned that it takes more than I thought to satisfy me.

I read intuitive eating books and they say that it takes an amount "approximately the size of your fist" to satisfy you, or "about 1 cup of food". I always used to think I failed if I ate more than that. But I was never truly satisfied! So this week, like I said, I totally trusted my body and ate until I felt comfortably full and didn't want any more. And it took more than a fist-sized amount of food. But I discovered that when I ate to that point, I was able to stop thinking about food, I was able to stop craving food, and I was able to focus on something other than FOOD for once.

Sorry, this entry has gotten way too long! This week, I'm going to continue what I've been doing. I'm going to try to keep a food journal this week (not a "what I ate" journal, but revelations I might have like I did above). I'll probably write about this during the week. I kept it quiet all week because I didn't want to jinx it, like I said.

Oh, and look what is still going strong in my house--I've only eaten one per day!

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What is the hardest part of intuitive eating for you? Is it knowing when you're hungry? Knowing when you're full (but not TOO full)? Trusting your cravings? Eating for reasons other than hunger? For me, I think it's knowing when to stop eating. I tend to eat too little while trying to eat intuitively, and that leads to a binge. Hopefully I can remedy that. And don't even get me started on emotional eating ;)

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Peppers!

I woke up early today to go for a run before the kids woke up (while my husband was sleeping) but the kids got up as soon as I strapped on my Garmin. Bummer. So I decided to just do my run on the treadmill. A while ago, I saw a workout and I really liked it--I wanted it to be a little more challenging, however, so I made the speeds a little faster and used a 2% incline through the whole thing. Here's what it looked like with my changes:

Next time I'll change the 5.0's up to 6.0's. I don't like going slower than 6.0.  Anyway, I like doing this because you have to change the speed every minute--which makes the workout go by so much faster! It ended up being a little over 3 miles.

I had 4 bell peppers in the fridge that I needed to use up asap, because they were about to go bad. One of each color: red, yellow, orange, and green. So I sliced them all up, along with 2 red onions, and I sauteed them. Then I added my homemade fajita seasoning mix. I ate the mixture on top of some quinoa, and it was SO GOOD.

Here is the recipe for the fajita seasoning mix--it's totally worth the extra minute or two to make your own.

The peppers and onions were so colorful while they were cooking, and smelled delicious!

4 peppers, one each of red, yellow, orange, and green; plus 2 onions

After adding seasoning, piled on top of quinoa... yummy!

The ONLY fresh produce I have left in my fridge right now is half a bag of carrots. Since I wrote that entry about wanting to pay off debt, I've been focusing on being resourceful and using up what we have so I don't throw away food. I've managed to use up a LOT of stuff--by dehydrating fruit, making oatmeal bars, sauteeing the peppers and onions, and snacking on fresh fruit. When trying to decide what to eat, I think first about what I have to use up before it goes bad.

I just got back from the kids t-ball game. It was a miserably hot 92 degrees with pure sun just beating down on us. I could feel the skin cancer forming as I sat there. The umpire ended up calling the game over after two innings (they usually play three) because of the heat. Jerry has a baseball game tonight too, and I planned on going, but I'll just wait for a cooler day to watch him play :)

Tomorrow is weigh-in day... and Noah's birthday!! He'll be 7. I can't believe how fast the last 7 years have gone by.

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Sensitive

I was thinking today about a side effect of my weight loss that I haven't talked about before. I'm not sure if it's a positive thing or a negative thing, but it has certainly made me learn things the hard way. Once I got down to a "normal" weight, I discovered that I was much more sensitive to things like medications and alcohol.

When I was fat, I could drink beer like water and it took a LOT for me to feel a buzz from it. A bottle of wine? No problem. Now I'm a lightweight drinker. I feel a buzz from a small glass of wine or one beer. I consider this a positive thing, because it means I consume less calories :)

Jello shots at a Christmas party (Dec 2008)

When I was fat and had to take a medication (whatever it may have been for), I never even bothered to pay attention to side effects of the meds because I never got them. Nausea, headaches, dizziness, etc.--all those side effects listed on pretty much every prescription label--never happened to me.

An empty glass ;)

But now, since I've lost the weight, I seem to get all the side effects of medications. It's like my body is very sensitive to anything I put in it now. These antibiotics I'm taking have me completely knocked on my ass. I am SO lethargic and tired. I also was really dizzy and so nauseous I thought I was going to throw up today. It has to be from the antibiotics or the tetanus shot.

What's really scary is that I'm 99% positive that medication is to blame for my fainting and breaking my jaw in November. I was sick for the week prior to the accident, and taking Sudafed and Mucinex DM. I was nauseous and dizzy and ended up fainting and breaking my jaw. In the hospital, the doctors ran every test imaginable to find out the cause of my fainting, and never found anything.

Completely numb mouth, and high on Vicodin and Xanax for my arch bar removal

Then, a few months later, I got sick again. And I was worried about taking the Sudafed, thinking that may have been the culprit, so I just took the Mucinex DM that time. And after about 2 days, I was having extreme dizzy spells and I felt exactly like I did before I fainted.

Surprisingly, it was the Mucinex that was causing the problem!  But my whole point is, when I was fat I took Mucinex DM all the time (I got bronchitis from my kids numerous times, and Mucinex was wonderful for clearing my lungs). I never had a problem with Mucinex until I lost weight. I've noticed this with every medication--it seems so much stronger now that I'm thinner.

And finally, along with alcohol and medications, I am super sensitive to sugar now. In a really bad way. This is the thing that actually scares me the most. When I binge on sugar, I feel fine for about an hour. And then I feel completely sick. It's almost like I can feel sugar rushing through my veins. My heart races for hours, I get horrible anxiety and have panic attacks, and I can't sleep.

My FAVORITE form of sugar!

When I was fat, there was no limit to the amount of sugar I could eat and not feel a thing. Now, I can eat a small amount and feel okay, but when I binge on sugary food, I get all the problems.  You know that feeling when you drink too much alcohol, and you feel like the room is spinning and you just want to get rid of the alcohol from your blood so you can feel "normal" again? That's what a sugar high is like for me now. I wish that I could just pump the sugar from my body and feel "normal" again.

You would think that this would cause me to stop eating sugar. But it's so hard to remember the feeling after the fact (like after drinking too much, and you say you'll never drink again, and then a few weeks later, you DO...). 

Anyway, this is just something I've been thinking about while feeling completely nauseous, achy, irritable, and anxious from this stupid antibiotic.  Hopefully the side effects go away soon.

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What is your favorite form of sugar? Mine is obviously cookies with frosting!  ;)

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RECIPE: Banana Coconut Oat Bars

In order to use up some really ripe bananas a couple of days ago, I made these bars from OhSheGlows.

These bars are SO GOOD. I've made them several times, and each time, I can't get enough. It's hard not to binge on them! I added craisins, raisins, dried cherries, walnuts, and a nut-free trail mix (made with pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, chocolate chips, dried apple bits, and some other stuff). I used an 8x8 pan, and cut it into 8 bars. You could probably cut them in half to get 16 if you're eating them for a snack, but I wanted something heartier that I could have for breakfast.

Here is a printer-friendly version!

Here is the recipe, the way I made them:

Banana Coconut Oat Bars

Ingredients

1/4 cup milk
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 Tbsp ground flaxseed
1/4 cup coconut oil, melted (you could swap out with unsweetened applesauce if you want to save calories)
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 very ripe bananas, mashed
1/2 to 3/4 cup of dried cranberries, nuts, seeds, other dried fruit, chocolate chips, etc.
1-1/2 cups old-fashioned oats
1/2 cup shredded coconut
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt

Directions

Preheat oven to 350. Line a square (8x8 or 9x9 inch) pan with parchment paper. Combine the bananas, sugar, flaxseed, milk, oil, and vanilla in a large bowl. Add dry ingredients and stir well. Stir in dried fruit, nuts, etc.

Scoop batter into pan and smooth out with spoon. Bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes until the edges begin to brown and it is slightly firm to touch. Cool in pan for 10 minutes and then remove to wire rack using the parchment paper. Slice into 8 bars.

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Obesity hurts the ones you love

Okay, I'm cracking up at that title, because I mean it quite literally. I've had a not-so-great day because of this. I was brushing Chandler, my cat, and I realized his fur was kind of gross. I don't know how else to describe it. So I showed Jerry, and we realized that we hadn't seen Chandler groom more than his face and paws in a long time. Apparently, my cat has gotten so fucking fat that he's unable to groom himself anymore!

I decided that I was going to give him a bath and then put him on a diet. He's never had a bath before, so I wasn't expecting it to go well. That was an understatement.

The second I put him in the tub, he started making these noises like I was stabbing him to death. And about ten seconds later, he bit my hand so hard that I felt his canine tooth puncture DEEP into me and he just held it there. After a few seconds I got my hand free, and I was shocked. He's never bitten anyone before, let alone ME. And the puncture wound was really deep. It didn't look bad from the surface, but I saw how deep his tooth went into my skin.

It looks like a small scratch, but it was really deep!

I immediately flushed it out with peroxide. Shortly after, the pain set in, and it hurt so bad that I sobbed. I know that cat bites can be bad and almost always get infected, so I decided to go to Urgent Care. This was at 3:00, and Jerry had to leave for work at 4:45, which I hoped would be plenty of time. I sat in the waiting room until almost 4:00, and then I just had to leave without seeing the doctor. I didn't have my cell with me, so I couldn't call Jerry. When I got home, my hand was hurting so badly that Jerry told me to go back and he would just use a vacation day today.

I went back to Urgent Care, and they gave me a tetanus shot and antibiotics. My left arm is throbbing from the shot, and my right hand is in horrible pain from the bite. My hand is REALLY swollen now, too.

Oh! I asked the medical assistant if she could tell me what my highest recorded weight was, and it was 254. I've always thought my highest was 253. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but my "dream" goal can now be 127 (to be half my size) instead of 126 :)

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Anyways, I actually got to go on a bike ride sans kids today! I rode 7.3 miles, and WOW--what a workout! I always thought biking seemed so much easier than running, but that was tough. I was hoping to do 10 miles, but my thighs were killing me (in an awesome workout kind of way).

I rode on some roads that didn't have shoulders, and that was terrifying. I'll never do that again! I kept praying I wouldn't get smoked by a car.

Across the lake is the peninsula I like to run on

This road didn't have shoulders, but I didn't encounter any cars, either.

This road was TERRIFYING. Tons of cars, no shoulders, and a shitty road.

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We just went to a graduation party next door, and they have slices of cake the size of my head. I'm dead serious! You all know my love affair with buttercream frosting... well I split a piece of cake with Noah, even though I was SO tempted to eat a whole piece. They had some of the food catered by one of my all-time favorite restaurants. Jerry and I used to eat it all the time when we were fat. I hadn't eat it in 2 years. Today I took a small scoop of their mostaccioli and savored every bite. Very satisfying! Again, tempted to eat more, but I didn't.

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What is the most tempting food that you come across at parties? Mine is definitely cake! Especially with lots of frosting.

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