May 05, 2021

Taking a Break

Yesterday morning after I got out of bed, I kind of lost it for a few minutes. I just started sobbing and telling Jerry about how I am so sick of being in pain all the time.

At some point, it became "normal" to wince whenever I stand up, or groan when I carefully lower myself down to sit or gasp when shifting positions. It became "normal" to get out of bed at 4:00 in the morning because it was too painful to continue lying down.

Until 2017, I had chronic back pain (I still do, but things changed in 2017, which I'll get to in a moment). I have a very specific spot on my back that has caused me pain from as far back as I can remember. I've had x-rays and MRI's and I've seen back specialists and I've done physical therapy, but I've never gotten answers--just that I have a couple of bone spurs on my T10 and T11 vertebrae. I accepted that I'll have the back pain forever--I know that if I don't stay on my feet too long, it doesn't get terribly bad.

However, in 2017/2018, I started feeling pain all the time--and not just in one spot. It started mostly in my shoulders. Then my arms and hands (when I started having carpal tunnel problems). Eventually, my hips were hurting really badly, and now it's pretty much every joint in my body. The worst spots are my hands, shoulders, and hips. And it's there all day, every day.


I hate to write about it because I don't want to sound whiny. But yesterday, I just completely broke down because I am so tired of feeling like this ALL THE TIME. I want a break! I wish that I knew I would get some relief eventually, but right now, this feels like it will never end. I've seen three doctors and nobody can give me any answers. I hate that it makes me feel like it's all in my head--because it's very VERY real.

Lately, I can't even stir a pot of food without getting tears in my eyes from the pain. Folding laundry, doing dishes, scooping the litter box--all of the daily chores that I never had problems doing--have started causing pain.

When I was talking to Jerry about this yesterday, he asked me, "Have you even taken a single break since you started working on remodeling the house?"

I immediately thought, "Of course I have!" but after I thought it over, I realized that I haven't taken more than a few days off between projects that have me doing physical labor--from lifting sheets of drywall, to sanding wood, to painting, even to contorting my body into odd positions (a couple of days ago, I made a shelf for a bathroom cupboard, and I had to pretty much put my whole upper body into the cupboard to screw in the supports).

When I started working on the home remodel, I became addicted to DIY stuff--and I'm always working on something. There are a lot of things I don't post about because they aren't very exciting--like the shelf in the cupboard--but I always have some sort of project to work on. I enjoy doing it! Restoring that living room furniture recently was so fun and I want to do it again (I'd love to "flip" furniture that I can buy cheaply on Facebook Marketplace). However, I feel like my body has finally had it with me. I haven't been sleeping much at all lately because I can't get in a position that isn't painful.

Jerry said that I should take time off--of everything--for at least a few weeks. I know that he's right. It's just really hard to do! Asking him or the boys to do the things that I've always done makes me feel bad. Jerry insists that he wants to do it--he said, "If you were in a car accident and had to rest for a month while you recovered, would you feel guilty having me do things for you?" When he said it like that, it made me feel better. Still, I'm just so used to doing things myself.

I decided that he was right--I need a break. So, yesterday, I didn't do anything that was physically challenging. I even had to describe to Noah how to trim a chicken breast while I watched him do it (something he should be learning anyways, so this will be good for the kids). The twisting motion with the knife bothers my wrists. I asked Eli to open a can of pumpkin for me today, and it felt so ridiculous--however, using the can opener is very painful in my hands.

I'm hoping that I didn't do permanent damage to my body after all the stress I put on it over the past few years. If I can take a good break now, and hopefully heal my body, I will be very careful about projects in the future--only working on them a little at a time, taking breaks between projects, etc.

My biggest fear right now is that taking a break won't help. If I still feel this much pain a month from now, after a lot of rest, I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm just hoping it doesn't come to that. Because the pain started after all of the physically intense work I was doing, my best guess is that the work is what started the pain. And the longer I go without a break, the worse it gets.

So, it's difficult not to be able to work on things. The weeds in the landscaping are calling out to me to go pull them (they are REALLY bad, and it would be so satisfying to spend a morning pulling them). I've been putting it off because it's been raining so much lately.

Instead, I started a list of things that I'd like to work on that aren't labor-intensive. I want to make a photo project, but I have to pick out the photos first--probably 150-200 of them--so going through photos will take a while. I've been wanting to update the pages on my blog for a while, but I never make time to. My inbox is totally out of control again, so I can work on that. I also want to update and organize recipes.

So, there are a lot of things that I can do that don't push me physically. I'd like to try it for a few weeks and see if I start to feel better. Let's hope so!

28 comments:

  1. I hope you feel better soon! I'm so glad you took a break - you don't have anything to lose and you have everything to gain! I really hope you start to feel better soon!

    Unsolicited advice that you can ignore if you wish: if you can soak in a bath tub somewhere, magnesium salts can help. They've been absolutely magic for me in the past.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always welcome good-intentioned advice! Thank you. Eli's been doing epsom salt baths for his foot (an infected hangnail) and I'm surprised at how much better his toe looks afterward. (Unfortunately, I think they are going to remove the nail--I cringe just thinking about it! The doctor said if the antibiotics don't help, that's the next step. Anyway, that was a tangent.) Thank you!

      Delete
  2. I got so upset reading this! Katie, I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain! I don’t think any of us had any idea how bad it was on a day to day basis. It’s not in your head and it’s not ok for you to suffer like that. I’m so glad Jerry had that perspective and the kids are totally old enough to take over for awhile. In all the doctors visits did they ever test your for RA? My mom has RA and it’s very similar to what you’re describing. It can be diagnosed with a simple blood test. It’s not fun by any means but there are treatments to manage it if that’s what it is. Don’t give up on a diagnosis. You are your biggest advocate. I hope the rest helps!

    Emily

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Emily. I don't like to write about it because it sounds so whiny, but lately it's gotten so bad I can't think about much else. I explained to the kids why they need to take on more chores for a while, and even though they were cool with it, I felt so guilty!

      I've not been tested for RA. Like I said, the doctors don't really take it seriously. It's so frustrating! I think I need to do my homework (the advice I've gotten here is a good start!) and ask specifically for what tests I want. My primary care doctor is good about that. Thank you!

      Delete
    2. Hi! I have RA (was diagnosed at 21 and I'm 29 now) and your symptoms sound very familiar to me, particularly the pain associated with stirring or turning a can opener. A good place to start with your regular doctor would be to ask for a C Reactive Protein (CRP) blood test along with an Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate (ESR) blood test. These are the first line of blood tests that will test inflammation markers. If one or both are elevated, your doctor should be suggesting a rheumatologist for further testing. Even if they are not elevated, still push for an appointment with a rheumatologist! Next steps in blood testing would be: Rheumatoid Factor test, Anti CCP test, and an ANA test to confirm some sort of autoimmune inflammatory condition like RA. Hopefully this was helpful! Feel free to email me with any other questions. sammi.bennett@gmail.com :)

      Delete
  3. Have you considered getting tested for something like Rheumatoid Arthritis or Fibromyalgia? I know you're busy, but that level of pain sounds like it may warrant further investigation. I hope you're able to get it resolved quickly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Melanie! I haven't been tested, but I've been looking online for a rheumatologist. I hate that COVID has made doctor's appointments online now--I would rather see someone in-person. But I definitely think it's worth looking into. I'm desperate for an answer/action plan!

      Delete
  4. have you been tested for Rheumatoid arthritis or Fibromyalgia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have not, but several comments have suggested it, so I'm going to talk to my doctor about it. I hate reading the symptoms (especially of fibromyalgia) because it sounds very scarily like me--even the "fibro fog". I'm hoping I just need to rest for a while, but I'm definitely going to look into other ideas. Thanks!

      Delete
  5. I recommend reading "The Mind Body Connection" by Dr. Sarno. Sounds like you may be experiencing TMS (Tension Myositis Syndrome).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never heard of that, but I just did a quick Google search. I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case, and I'm certainly open-minded about it. I put a LOT of pressure on myself in several areas of my life. I'm going to check out the book--thank you!

      Delete
  6. I am so sorry to hear you're feeling this way! This makes me so sad! I really hope taking this break helps you rest and heal! I'm not sure if you've been tested for Fibromyalgia? It's very hard to diagnosis which could be why docs aren't finding it but you have very similar symptoms. I hope I'm not out of line for suggesting this! But it might be something to look into! Your "resting" projects sound like fun! I love a good photo project!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Certainly not out of line--I welcome any good-intentioned advice! I haven't been tested for it and I'm afraid to even ask a doctor that doesn't specialize in it, because of the stigma. I've been looking for a rheumatologist to hopefully see if I can get an answer. My dad has something called "polymyalgia rheumatica", and reading the symptoms, I was sure that's what it was! However, it's extremely rare in people under age 50, so it's unlikely. But something to mention to the doctor for sure. Fibromyalgia sounds very similar and I definitely have most of the symptoms for it--but those kinds of symptoms can be attributed to other things, so it's hard to say! I'm desperate for an answer, though, so I'm going to look for a doctor that can hopefully help.

      Delete
  7. I read o e of Dr Sarno’s book when I was having horrible back pain. I believe he has a back pain book too.

    I had horrible body/joint pain about 5 yrs ago. Even went to rheumatologist. Couldn’t see any medical reason. Ended up changing my diet. No gluten (SO inflammatory and no dairy). It had made a HUGE difference. I never cheat on gluten because it also gives me migraines but when I cheat on dairy I immediately feel it in my wrists. Would be an easy thing to try.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the suggestion! I'm open-minded to try just about anything at this point. It's great you were able to pinpoint exactly what certain foods can cause you pain. Dr. Sarno's book sounds interesting and I'd like to read it!

      Delete
  8. I see others have suggested it, but I'd certainly be looking into seeing a rheumatologist. You are too young to be in pain every day! My sister faced something similar and was finally diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. She has to take a biologic (injections every week to 10 days) but she has largely stopped the pain and hopefully prevented long-term damage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A friend of mine has psoriatic arthritis, which is something I never knew anything about until he was diagnosed and I read up on it. Even if it's not that, I think seeing a rheumatologist could help me get some answers--or at least rule out some illnesses! Thank you for sharing about your sister. I'm glad that she was able to get some help.

      Delete
  9. Hi Katie - I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope that taking a break will help with that. I agree with other's ideas about RA or Fibromyalgia. You are at a time in your life where hormonal changes could be rearing their ugly head and many women find themselves in pain. Another to consider is hyperparathyroidism. I'm older than you at 56, but found out I had that in the last 5 years due to an elevated blood calcium level.(Many are diagnosed in their 40's). Excess blood calcium can cause a lot of pain along with many other issues. It can be difficult to get doctor's to pursue this, but it starts with a simple blood test. Something to investigate on the internet and then decide if it's worth pursuing. Here's to you feeling better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the suggestion! I'd never heard of it, but it helps to know what sort of things to ask for when I go to the doctor. They don't like to run tests for things that aren't super common, but I'm going to look for a rheumatologist and see if they will take me more seriously. I appreciate the input!

      Delete
    2. Katie S.May 06, 2021

      LynnieG- I had the elevated calcium (I was in my early 30s) and they found a tumor on my parathyroid caused it. Pretty easy outpatient surgery with basically no down time and I was good as knew. They also diagnosed a rheumotological issue from blood tests showing elevated inflammation markers- so I agree. Blood tests!

      Delete
  10. I'm not going to try to diagnose you from a distance or via Dr. Google, but what you are experiencing isn't normal. I think rest is a great idea, but I encourage you not to give up on finding someone who can diagnose you. There are a lot of autoimmune conditions that can cause pain and some are really tricky to diagnose. And sad to say, some physicians will chalk up pain symptoms to being "all in your head" particularly if you are female and/or suffer from a mental illness as well. Advocate for yourself!! And take care!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Michelle! I really appreciate the advice. My dad has an autoimmune condition and several of our symptoms are identical. So it's definitely worth looking into. It's just so frustrating when the doctors see me walk in looking healthy, and the tests they've done don't show anything, so they just think I'm exaggerating or imagining the pain. Thank you!

      Delete
  11. I've been experiencing a lot more chronic pain lately as well. I've gained weight during the pandemic, and I've become more sedentary than ever before, working from home day in and day out. My weekend warrior ways of shopping, cleaning, mowing, etc. left me barely able to move at night, and I'd ask my kids to pick something up if I dropped it. I recently started doing workout videos by this woman: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeXAh1l-MSjIbDkvHXa1yyA and it has really helped my functional fitness. The workouts are gentle but you do feel them. Her motto is that her workouts are enough, and get it out of your head that you need to do anything more rigorous. Just something worth a try.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Katie, I believe you that you're in pain, but I also understand that doctors may not believe. You might keep some sort of journal of the level of pain, where you feel it, what you did and ate, etc. This can help prove what you're saying and you might even find patterns to what is happening. You might be able to find an app to do this sort of thing. I have an app to track my headache pain, but that's a smaller scale job compared to what you might want.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I agree with Melissa and with this rest, you will be able to see if it does help at all. Also, if you journal a bit each day or simply mark down the areas of pain, you may be able to tell if any of it is cyclical. That said, when the rest period of a few weeks is over, if you're still in pain please do make an appointment with someone to get it looked at. You should not have to deal with pain like you have constantly and should be able to find something to help. A rheumatologist would be a great start.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I agree you should go in. An RA is a great start. Remember how much you did for your son with the huge sliver. You didn't give up and it was the best thing. You have to be your own advocate! I had some health stuff and doctors made me feel like it was mental health. Twice it ended up being medical issues that once discovered and treated I got better.

    Another thought would to see a dietitian. Others have mentioned inflammation and changing their diets to help. I've seen this work wonders for people. It might also help with your goal of getting healthy with your eating.

    Good luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am right there with you in regard to having to let others do the work for me. I had a breast reduction today, a 4 hour surgery. I’m out of commission for about a month lifting much of anything. My husband is doing a fantastic job being me, but I feel so guilty.
    I have recently been looking into an anti inflammatory diet for some circulation issues in my legs and feet. The whole you are what you eat theory.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Sending so many good vibes. You do so much and deserve a rest. I hope it helps you figure things out, but even if it doesn't, it won't hurt you. Sending hugs too, careful, gentle ones.

    ReplyDelete

I used to publish ALL comments (even the mean ones) but I recently chose not to publish those. I always welcome constructive comments/criticism, but there is no need for unnecessary rudeness/hate. But please--I love reading what you have to say! (This comment form is super finicky, so I apologize if you're unable to comment)

Featured Posts

Blog Archive