February 01, 2021

Feeling Depressed (Possible PMDD?)

Little Duck has been sleeping next to me in the mornings occasionally... I think he knows how much I need that!

I don't know what my deal has been for the past few days, but I have just NOT been in a good mood at all. I felt extremely depressed for a couple of days, and today has been very hot and cold. Last month, when I talked to my psychiatrist about these swings, I thought out loud whether it might have something to do with my menstrual cycles. 

I've never had major PMS symptoms--when I was in high school and college, my friends and roommates would complain about PMS. But I never felt any different! Over the last several years, however, I've noticed some symptoms here and there. 

My psychiatrist told me to start keeping track of my moods and periods to see if there is a correlation, because to diagnose PMDD, my OB/GYN needs at least three months worth of info. Regardless, the treatment is usually an antidepressant (hello, old friend) and I would hate to start taking one and change up my med schedule. On the other hand, I've occasionally been going through terrible periods of depression for just a few days at a time. Even though it doesn't last long, it's REALLY bad when it happens.

Nothing drastic has happened with me recently, so there is no reason for me to feel as bad as I have been. My stupid American Eagle coat hasn't arrived yet, which is stressing me out (stupid, yes, but I'm irrationally upset). It was scheduled for delivery on Jan. 22nd, then updated to say it would arrive on the 23rd instead. That was the last update from USPS. It's been nine days without an update, so I'm assuming it was lost in the mail. You know how badly I wanted that coat!

Meanwhile, I found another coat on Poshmark that I really wanted (not for walking, but more for just going out and about in the winter. I bought mine (shown below) for super cheap at a garage sale, but it's a size medium. Here it is when I was at my goal weight (not exactly a good picture, but you get the idea):

Since I can't fit into it anymore, I looked it up on Poshmark. Found it, bought it. Then a day later, was told the order was canceled because the seller said it was damaged by paint. Ugh! I ordered another ($20 more expensive) from a different seller, but this is my last shot. I haven't heard back yet, but I am really hoping that it will work out.

Regardless, I've just lost any faith at all in Poshmark! Order #1: Arrived smelling like mildew. Order #2: Still "lost in the mail". Order #3: Seller never responded, eventually the order was refunded. Order #4: Received running jacket as described, worked out well. Order #5: Canceled, item was damaged. Order #6: Hoping that it will be shipped!

I'm most disappointed by the American Eagle coat! I wrote about it on my blog several times, so you know it means a lot to me. I just hope that it isn't truly "lost" in the mail. Where the heck does all of the lost mail wind up, anyway?! That would be a fun place to work.

So, I still have no winter coat--just the one that I've been using to get by.

Today, my mood still wasn't great. I took Joey out for his walk and we only got about a block away before he pulled on the leash and nearly made me fall on my butt (it's super snowy/icy right now). I turned right around, dropped him off at home, and then walked by myself. I felt guilty, so I only walked 2.25 miles with out him, planning to go again later.

I didn't head out again until after Jerry left for work--around 5:20 pm. Noah and Eli actually came with me! I wish I could say it was out of the goodness of their hearts, but it's because I'd given them a mandatory chore of walking Joey one mile a day--no matter what. It was more for their sake than Joey's. With COVID making everything so unstructured anymore, they haven't gotten any exercise with sports and they've gotten lazy (to put it nicely).

In order to receive their allowances, they have to walk Joey one mile a day (together, separately, it doesn't matter). I don't want them to think I'm prescribing walking as a punishment, so the chore is to "walk Joey" and not "go for a walk". 

Noah is too cool to really walk "with" me, but he tagged along with Eli and me while we walked Joey this evening. I had already walked 2.25 this morning, so I needed to walk 2.75 to hit my 5-mile goal. The boys actually agreed to come with me for the evening walk! I told them that when we hit half a mile, they could turn around and go home, but I had to keep going.

Eli, who actually seemed to be enjoying the walk with me! ;)

At around 1.7 miles, Noah turned to head home. Eli stopped at the party store ("convenience store" as most people call it, I think... "party store" is a midwest thing) and I kept going. A little while later, Eli caught up with Joey and me, so I was happy that he continued to walk with me. (Eli's super sweet like that--I'm sure he didn't want to, but he's a people-pleaser for sure).

It got dark fast. By the time I walked back onto my street, the street lamps were on. The roads were SUPER slippery from ice and packed snow, so my speed was ridiculously slow. When we change the clocks again due to Daylight Savings, I will definitely take advantage of staying out a little later and walking in the evenings. Right now, though, it's best that I stick to mornings.

I'm actually ready to add a little running into my routine, but I'll write about that sometime this week. I miss running--I never thought I'd say that!--and I feel ready. Even if it's a mile a week, it's better than nothing. :) 

This is kind of random, but if you have PMDD and don't mind sharing about it, what have you experienced? How have you treated it? I don't know if that's what's going on with me, but if it is, I'm curious about what happens next!


  1. I started having trouble with PMS in my mid-30s, and it escalated quickly. Exercising regularly, improving my diet (low carb, higher protein, cutting out convenience foods, etc.). My issues with pms resolved, and my lifelong anxiety and intermittent depression also went away. Let food be thy medicine.

    1. did you use vitamin supplements or just relied on your diet

  2. Low carb diet has really helped with my hormones and eased the troublesome symptoms of my cycle too, Melissa!

    As for the lost mail - don't give up all hope yet! I ordered a pair of shoes from Poshmark and they were lost in the mail for3 weeks, but finally showed up! USPS is having major problems right now!


  3. What is WITH the post office lately?! I had THREE packages go missing before Christmas (insert eye roll emoji here lol). Ugh I am so sorry to hear about your jacket. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it'll still show up! The good news is though if the tracking stopped, Poshmark will at least refund your money and will still pay the seller. I sold a pair of earrings on Poshmark once that went missing and at least Poshmark was easy to work with refund wise.

    I can't help on the PMDD :( I hope somebody here has some words of advice! I've been on the pill for so long that my period is just insanely regular lol. I can't wait for daylight savings time as well! I hope things get better for you! <3

  4. Don't give up on the coat you are waiting on just yet. I have been having terrible experiences with USPS but eventually they have been arriving. I live in the Chicago area and in the past 6 months...

    1) I was expecting a packing from central Florida. It tracked to the regional distribution facility in Chicago in about 3 days. After 2 weeks without a tracking update, it finally arrived to my house.

    2) I mailed a package (priority) to the Florida panhandle. Expected delivery 2 business days. 3 days later, it was scanned in to a distribution center in CALIFORINA. It arrived to the recipient 10 days later.

    3) I mailed a card to New Orleans, LA during the week of December 7. It arrived on January 15.

    There is definitely a chance your coat will still arrive!

    1. I mailed two packages before Christmas and it took 28 days for one of them to arrive at its destination. Hopefully your coat will still arrive!

  5. I have to agree with Melissa. Food really affects my mood. About a year ago my husband and I gave up desserts and all sweets for Lent, and we felt so good we just kept going. Now I find if I do eat something sugary, my moods become more unpredictable, and I'm more short-tempered. But if I stay the course, on the whole, I am much better off. I've realized that as I get older (I'm in my late 40s) I need fewer calories overall, and those calories need to be higher quality and higher nutrition.

  6. For what it's worth, there appears to be one of the AE coats available on eBay in a large: https://www.ebay.com/itm/American-Eagle-Mens-AE-Performance-Ski-Snowboarding-Jacket-Coat-Sz-L-/352988542325

  7. I found I need to go to the loo more often before it and have to go to the loo in the middle of the night too, which is really annoying and the interrupted sleep makes me more tired and grumpy. Yes, they do say diet - fruit and veg etc helps and I occasionally take a multi vitamin to help too if I have been lazy with my health eating/diet.

  8. My PMS was pretty bad in my 30s and kept getting worse. One day I was driving over a bridge and casually thought how nice it would be do drive off the bridge. That was when I finally talked to a doctor about it. Actually it was a nurse practitioner, and I had talked to doctors about it but they never took it seriously. I was put on Lo Loestrin FE, a super low-dose birth control. I was already on antidepressants, and I'd been on birth control before but those just made me feel like I had PMS all the time. So I was skeptical about trying another BCP. But this one has really been like a miracle. I take it continuously. I had discharge and really bad acne when I started for about 6 weeks but after that there were no issues at all. I don't get a period and I don't get PMDD.

  9. I have noticed I have some intensely dark/ragey days every so often. And the pandemic seems to have amplified every emotion and made the ups and downs worse. I dont have periods bc of an IUD, but I wonder if it could be cycle related.

  10. After I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and finally found a medication that actually helps stabilize my mood, I started to notice that I would sometimes feel symptoms of depression the week prior to my period. I think this was probably always there, but I never noticed it because prior to medication my mood was always swinging from one extreme to the other, and was rarely “stable.” The level of depression is usually within the “normal” PMS range, but sometimes it can trigger a more moderate to severe episode. Antidepressants aren’t an option for me (either they don’t do anything or they make me hypomanic). I’m still trying to figure it out, but so far the best thing I can do is accept that I’m going to feel mild depression for a couple of days, plan on not accomplishing a whole lot on those days, and just be really consistent with the lifestyle habits that help keep my mood stable (eg. going to bed and waking up every day at the same time, exercising every day, and eating a healthy balanced diet) to prevent it from becoming a more severe episode. All of which, is not easy!

  11. It was really bad when I was in college. I was stressed, so my periods were late, so I would PMS for like 2-3 weeks each cycle. Birth control helped a lot, but symptoms of anxiety, stress, short temper, food cravings were still there. My PCP prescribed Ativan since it's an as-needed drug and since most of my symptoms were under the anxiety umbrella. It worked well (still use it as-needed today). Being back off birth control when we started trying to have kids has left me with no real change in symptoms and a very regular cycle at this point (I went off birth control after 12+ years on it; I was 34). It can definitely make you feel like you're crazy, and some may tell you that it's just part of being a girl, but the symptoms can be severe! Take care :)

  12. After a 2nd serious suicide attempt I was diagnosed with PMDD, once I knew what I was looking at the patterns made complete sense. Because I was on antidepressants both times and had some other issues I went with the nuclear option and had a hysterectomy. I think I could have been okay with treatment - knowing that I wasn't just this horrid person and there was a reason I felt this way made it easier to cope if that makes sense.

    I hope you are able to get the help you need whatever the cause, thank you for always sharing honestly.

  13. While I don't know that it would be considered PMDD, I have struggled with PMS for many years. I did eventually have to take an antidepressant but was able to wean off of it after many years. That said, perimenopause or pre-menopause or whatever you want to call it, has bit my butt and caused much more in that area. I started having anxiety and panic attacks which I have never had before. I had what I would call raging PMS and even tendencies of suicidal questions, which scared me to death. I also suffer with PVCs in the evening from this change. I had to go back on medication which has truly changed me for the better. While I know that food and lifestyle changes can help, for me it was not enough and was a necessary evil so to speak.

  14. Don't give up on the USPS package! I sent one first class trackable mail on 12/4 for delivery on 12/11. According to the tracking # it still hasn't been delivered, but it was confirmed as received by the recipient on 1/27!

  15. Don't give up on Poshmark! I have bought/sold there and all my experiences have been positive. I hope you get both of your jackets!!


I used to publish ALL comments (even the mean ones) but I recently chose not to publish those. I always welcome constructive comments/criticism, but there is no need for unnecessary rudeness/hate. But please--I love reading what you have to say! (This comment form is super finicky, so I apologize if you're unable to comment)

Featured Posts

Blog Archive