Yesterday was probably the hardest "binge free" day I've had in the last 40 days. I'm not sure why, because it wasn't like I went to a party and was tempted with all kinds of foods. I was home all day, and I just kept wanting to eat. And not just eat a little, I wanted to binge.
I didn't. I kept reminding myself that I've gone 40 days without bingeing, and if I do it now, I'll never stop. I know that one binge ALWAYS leads to another. I didn't binge, but I did eat for reasons other than hunger--boredom? Loneliness? I don't know.
I did overeat, though. And because of that, I've learned a little more about my body, which is interesting. When I overeat, I get these subtle signs that I never used to notice before. The main one being swelling. My hands get puffy the next morning. Not horribly, but just enough that I notice my hands are a little swelled up.
Also, food stops sounding good at some point. Once I've eaten enough, or just a little more than enough, I don't have intense cravings anymore. You would think this would make it easy to stop eating, but that's not always the case. Last night, even though I wasn't hungry after dinner (and a snack after dinner) I still had my daily treat before bed. I knew I was overeating because the treat didn't really sound that good.
My food journal from yesterday:
Breakfast- jamocha/banana protein shake
Lunch- tuna salad, Ezekiel bread with peanut butter, spoonful of Cookie Butter
Dinner- spaghetti pie, side salad (normally I don't eat salad, but I wanted it yesterday for some reason!)
Snacks- 2 half-slices of apple walnut bread (one with peanut butter); 2 slices of a chocolate orange; graham crackers with peanut butter and chocolate chips; another spoonful of Cookie Butter
When I write it all out like that, it actually doesn't seem as bad as I thought. I could have done with just one half-slice of apple walnut bread, skipped the second spoonful of Cookie Butter, and probably only had half the amount of graham crackers (I had 4 squares). But I don't feel guilty, because my main goal right now is not bingeing, and I didn't binge.
I love that I'm picking up on clues that I've eaten too much (like the swollen hands). And I love that I was able to stop myself from bingeing. Today I'm going to pay extra attention to how my body is feeling.
Last year, my friend Courtney brought me the kind called Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride after I broke my jaw, and I loved that one too. They also have a gingerbread one, which I didn't care for, and a peppermint one, which I haven't tried. I'm definitely going to stock up on this Sugar Plum Spice one though. It's a seasonal tea, so I won't see it again until next Christmas.
Today I'm supposed to make something sweet for Jerry to take in to work for all the guys he works with. I'm trying to think of something to make that won't be too much of a temptation for me to pick at all day. Why couldn't he have volunteered to bring in rolls or some sort of meat? I can pass up rolls and meat any day. I'm thinking about making peanut butter cookies. They're not nearly as tempting as oatmeal cookies or chocolate chip cookies.
I have no plans for today or tomorrow, and I'm so relieved about that. Merry Christmas everyone! I'll probably write tomorrow too, unless I have absolutely nothing to say.