Grateful

First of all, I want to thank you all so much for your kind comments on my last entry. I think I was just overreacting. I need to learn to not be so sensitive! :)

Yesterday, I spent a good part of the afternoon combining two kids' bikes together to make one functional bike. There is a little boy that lives a street over from us, and he comes over to play with my boys just about every day. His name is Seth, he's 5 years old, and SO cute. He's extremely talkative and asks 10,000 questions a day--many people would probably be annoyed--but I'm very patient with him because from what I've seen, he doesn't have a great situation at home. Jerry saw his dad yelling at him, and just screaming cuss words left and right, and then grab his bike and throw it up against a tree. We haven't seen any signs of physical abuse, but I hate that his dad screams at him like that. He has the most lively spirit you can imagine in a little boy, and I would hate for his dad to break his spirit.

He hates to go home, and he always comes up with excuses to stay a little longer at my house. I have to keep my doors locked at all times, because he tends to just walk right in my house and start playing ;)  I find it cute, but I don't want him thinking that's okay.  Anyway, he has a bike that's probably 10 years old (he said it used to be his brother's bike)--very rusty and the chain always comes off. I really wanted to buy him a new bike, but I didn't want to step on any toes at his house, so instead, I took Noah's old bike (about 2 years old) that needs new tires and I put Seth's tires on Noah's old bike. Seth was THRILLED and so grateful! He rode it all afternoon. I hope his parents aren't mad that I did that, but I had to put the chain back on his old bike about 6 times yesterday morning, and it was getting ridiculous. I'm happy that it worked out to give him the bike.

I woke up this morning from a dream that I got on the scale and weighed 174 pounds. Yikes! That was a scary feeling. I still haven't weighed myself, but I do keep note of how my clothes are feeling (getting a little tighter this week!)  After this trip to Illinois, I'm going to go back to counting calories (boo!) until I can get under control again. I haven't been binging, but I've been eating too too much. I think I'm probably at the high 140's. I will weigh myself on August 19th (the 2-year anniversary of when I started this weight loss madness).

I just went to Goodwill, where I bought waaay too many clothes. I really was in desperate need of summer clothes--I only had ONE pair of shorts that weren't exercise gear. When all was said and done today, I had spent $86 and I got:  3 summer dresses (all with original tags on them!), 3 skirts, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of shorts, 5 pairs of shoes, a purse, a tote bag, 9 shirts, and a couple of toys for my kids.
Just a few of my favorite items:

All my new shoes... grand total of $12

Love these American Eagle shorts... the perfect length (knee length)

Cute tote bag

Sundress with built in bra :)

LOVE this dress!!

This looks much cuter on me than on the hanger ;)

Comfy skirt with shorts underneath

A pretty, feminine skirt

A cute American Eagle top

Love this shirt too

I would have done a fashion show for you, but my photographer (Jerry) is at work. So you're stuck with the hangers. I'm so relieved to have clothes that I'm not going to sweat to death in. I also discovered that having small boobs is very convenient, because I can go braless with all 3 of the summer dresses I bought.

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Do you ever shop at thrift stores? That is the ONLY place that I buy clothes (and garage sales, of course). I was in a store a couple of years ago (I think Elder Beerman) and I looked around and just thought about how wasteful (as a country) it seems to have all those brand new items when there are tons of used things that we could have instead. Ever since that moment, I've been buying my clothes from thrift stores (with the exception of running shoes and a couple of items I haven't been able to buy used).
Last Christmas, Jerry and I were shopping at a thrift store with the kids, and a woman said "Merry Christmas!" to Jerry and shook his hand. She had slipped a bill into his hand, and he thought maybe she was giving him a dollar to buy a toy for the kids, but he looked down and it was a $50 bill! The lady left the store with her husband before we even got a chance to thank them, but how generous was that?!  We were having a rough time financially because I had just broken my jaw and Jerry took a couple of weeks off work to care for me--so we were SO grateful for the extra money!  I would love to be able to pay it forward one day ;) 

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Third times a charm :)

Okay, this is my THIRD post today--the first two were deleted (by me)--so I apologize if I clogged up your Google Readers. I've been having a really bad day, and when you combine that with the fact that I'm super sensitive to certain comments, I just felt the need to delete my previous posts.

ANYWAY, I've been super lazy today! My 15-K training schedule says "Stretch & Strengthen" so I'll probably do some strength training tonight. But no cardio today :)  Yesterday, I was able to take my bike out without the kids for my scheduled 30 minutes of cross training. I have so much anxiety when I ride my bike! I hope I can learn to relax a little. I'm paranoid of getting hit by a car, of getting a flat tire, of riding over rocks or gravel and wiping out... do these things happen often to people that ride a lot? I almost wish I had gotten a mountain bike because the tires feel sturdier. The skinny tires on my hybrid scare me!

It was EXTREMELY humid. But the thing I love about riding the bike versus running is that the wind is blowing in your face the whole time and it feels much cooler than it actually is. When running, it just feels fucking HOT, no matter what! I wore my heart rate monitor on my ride, just because I was curious to see how high my heart rate would get.

My average heart rate was 135. When I run, it's usually about 160. Since biking feels easier than running (cardiovascularly), I guess that seems right to me.

My kids have been driving me CRAZY today. In and out of the house constantly, asking for drinks and food about every 10 minutes, and bringing half the neighborhood here with them. I try to be patient, because I'd much rather my kids play here than at the neighbors' houses, but it is hard to bite my tongue when everyone is constantly tattling on each other for this and that. It really rattles my nerves after a while!

My sister suggested that Jerry and I might want to go to Milwaukee instead of Chicago, and that actually sounds like a good idea to me. She said Milwaukee is a lot of fun, and still a great city while not being as crowded as Chicago. I'm going to check out both and see what we'd rather do.

Here are a couple of before and after pictures that I posted on one of the posts that I deleted. Sorry if you're seeing them AGAIN ;)

253 pounds, 203 pounds, 153 pounds, and 143 pounds

Please be kind :)  Like I said, I'm having a bad day!

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Do you ever take blog comments to heart and let them upset you? I'm a very sensitive person, and while I try not to let things bother me, sometimes they just do. If I ask for criticism, I can definitely take it like a man ;)  but when I am just posting about my feelings, I hate hearing criticism. It all boils down to my poor self-image, I imagine.

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July Winers

Last night was my July wine club meeting, and I was really looking forward to it since I hadn't gone to the past couple of meetings. I picked up my friend Amber on the way, and the weather was NOT looking good...

We got to Jessica's at 7. The theme Jessica chose was eco-friendly wines. She picked organic wines, which was new to me, and wines that didn't contain added sulfites (also new to me).

She bought all the wine at Whole Foods

The food was simple and delicious!

Tomatoes, basil, and goat cheese skewers

Cucumber, dill, and cream cheese sandwiches

And local, gourmet popcorn... I couldn't stay away from this stuff!

I got a small plate of food and then sat down with my two glasses. We each had two glasses, to compare two wines side-by-side. The first was a pair of dry white table wines, one organic and one not. We were supposed to try them both and see if we could decide which was which. I guessed correctly :)  The organic one really stood out as tasting very natural and earthy.

Renee pouring our first wine

Holy humidity, look at how frizzy my hair looks!

Next, we tasted a pair of dry reds, trying to guess which had sulfites and which did not. I guessed correctly on this one as well :)  And finally, we tried two rose wines. One of them smelled exactly like nail polish remover--ick! It didn't taste that bad, but I would never buy it.

Me, Amber, Renee, Elayn, and Jessica (at that point, my hair was so frizzy I pulled it up)

 After that, Jessica just started opening more bottles to taste. I had a couple of sips, but I since I was driving, I stopped after that. When it was time to leave, I was SHOCKED to see how many bottles we went through...

It ended up being almost a bottle per person! I probably only had about 10 ounces total, and I don't think Amber had much either. Someone was feeling happy last night! ;)  I love the fact that my friends are all very responsible--nobody drives drunk. We usually carpool to Winers, and the drivers just have about an ounce of each wine. And of course the hostess can have as much as she likes without worry ;)

And of course, we took our traditional group photo (we take one at EVERY meeting):

It was such a fun evening! I feel like I've had more wine in the past week than I've had the entire year, however. Not that I'm complaining. Girlfriends and wine just go so well together, don't they?

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Are you a wine drinker? If so, what kinds of wine do you prefer? I love the bold, dry reds. It's funny though, my taste in wine has changed so much in the last couple of years! I used to only drink sickeningly sweet wine, but now I can't stand it.

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Awake

I was so excited to be able to sleep in today, since the kids' Vacation Bible School is over now and we don't have to be anywhere. At 7:15, the phone rang. Of course, the phone wasn't next to my bed where it usually is, so I ran out to the living room to answer it before the kids woke up. It was the damn cable company, with an automated call!!! I was so angry. My kids both woke up from it too.

Anyway, I've spent the past couple of hours trying to clear out my Google Reader. I got SO far behind on blog reading!  And speaking of which, a few of you have asked me to post a blog roll or something so you can see the blogs I enjoy reading. I don't really want to post a blog roll, because I don't want to offend anyone who isn't on it, but I think what I'll do is link to a blog once a week or so and write a little tidbit about it. So let's start today, shall we?  I'm not going to feature these in any particular order, so I'll just pick a random blog from my Reader...

This first blog is fairly new, and I started enjoying it right away--probably because she reminds me so much of ME ;)  She doesn't have much weight to lose, but she struggles with binge eating and yo-yo dieting. She is currently 19 days binge-free, and I find that SO inspiring! Without further ado, may I present MichelleChristine at Finding My Way.  Michelle, I hope you don't mind that I posted this! ;)

So on a whim a couple of days ago, my sister asked if we might like to go visit her in Illinois next weekend. It happened to work out with Jerry's job and we decided to go for it. My sister lives in Rockford, which is about an hour from Chicago. We're leaving Thursday and coming home Monday. It'll be a nice little trip, and I always have fun visiting with my sister and my brother-in-law. I haven't told my kids yet, because we're going to surprise them.

My sister told me that she'd watch the kids if Jerry and I want to venture into Chicago for the day or even overnight. I definitely want to take advantage of the opportunity! I've been to Chicago before, but I think I was only 20 at the time, so I don't remember much. Any ideas what we should do? I doubt we'll stay overnight ($$$) but we will probably want to get a nice dinner and DO something fun. I'm open to suggestions!

Tonight is my monthly Winers meeting. I'm not sure if I talked about it before on my blog...? Winers is a wine club that my friend Renee and I started a little over 2 years ago. It's a group of women that get together once a month to taste wine (and usually finger foods) and chit chat. It started with about 8 of us, and has grown to about 35 in the club, although not everyone goes to each meeting. One person hosts each month, and that person decides the theme (French wines, cheap wine vs. pricey wine, dry vs. sweet, etc). They make all the decisions as far as what wine to buy, food to prepare, etc. So anyway, I have a meeting tonight at Jessica's house (she was one of the girls I went away with last weekend).

Our first Winers meeting... obviously BEFORE I lost the weight (top left)  ;)

A more recent Winers meeting. My shirt says, "Mommy's Sippy Cup" with a glass of wine on it.

I'm looking forward to it!  I had to miss last month's meeting, so I feel like it's been way too long.

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Do you belong to any sort of club? If so, what? If not, what type of club would you LIKE to belong to? ;)  Winers is right up my alley. I've thought of joining a running club, but I'm too scared to take that step. I used to belong to a Mom's Club, but it was too dramatic for me (like being in high school, seriously--cliquey).

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Judgements

After refrigerating the PB bowl

So I finally have a moment to sit and think and write! With it being so damn hot outside right now (and since I finished doing the laundry!), I don't feel guilty sitting in the house with the air turned on. Before taking the kids to VBS, I decided to create oats-in-a-jar only without the jar. I didn't have any almost-empty nut butter jars, so I just took a blob of peanut butter and smeared it around the bottom and sides of a bowl, and then stuck it in the fridge. After I dropped off the kids at VBS, the peanut butter was hardened enough that it wouldn't mix into my oatmeal. I made the cold chocolate oats and spooned it into the PB-bowl, and it was just like eating oats in a jar. (FYI, it's not nearly as good when you make oats and then plop some peanut butter on top, because it gets lost. When you have to scrape the PB off the sides of the jar (or bowl), then you get a little in every bite).

PB bowl with cold chocolate oats

While the kids were at VBS this morning, I ran 2 miles on the dreadmill. I was feeling like I was slacking on my running lately (about 9 miles per week), so I printed out a 15-K training schedule this morning and I'm going to follow that. It's the same schedule I did last summer, and for some reason, it makes me feel nostalgic. It's the beginner's schedule, so it's pretty simple--just 3 runs per week, plus a little cross-training and strength training. This week, my runs are 2 miles each--woo hoo! ;)

2% incline throughout

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I went to Jerry's softball game on Tuesday night. The first game of his that I've gone to this season. I didn't want to embarrass him wanted to look cute, so I wore a denim skirt and a loose, off-the-shoulder top, and I wore make-up, even though I thought it might melt off my face with this heat wave. A couple of the guys on Jerry's team made comments like, "Dang, Jerry, doesn't she know that she could do WAY better than you?!" Hahaha, that made me feel good. And by the way, my husband looks extremely sexy while playing ball ;)

Anyway, there was a guy on his team (a very large guy!) who was making fun of another guy about his weight (in a joking way). I said something like, "Aww, that's mean!" and the big guy said, "I'm fat, so I'm allowed to say stuff like that! We fat people have an understanding. It's all good." At that moment, I felt like there was a huge elephant in the room (no pun intended). I wasn't sure who standing there knew that I used to be fat. But nobody seemed uncomfortable, so it was fine.

Notice I tried to cover my rolls with a piece of paper... lol

But it made me think:  What side of the equation am I on now? The fat jokes or the skinny jokes? I always used to think it was okay to judge fat people (in my head, not out loud) when I was fat myself. And to be perfectly honest, I still find myself judging fat people sometimes. I try so hard to empathize with them, but I know that I was fat because I ate too damn much, so it's hard to even feel a little sympathy. That sounds harsh, doesn't it?

One thing that I actually can take pride in is the fact that as a fat person, I never made excuses for being fat. I knew I was fat because I ate too much and I didn't exercise. It wasn't a slow metabolism, or a thyroid issue, or hormone imbalance, or being "too busy" with two kids to look after, or being "too poor" to be able to buy healthy food. I simply ate too much food!  I find that since I've lost the weight, a lot of people feel the need to tell me all of their reasons excuses for not losing weight (I have kids, I'm on a tight budget, I can't afford a gym, I don't know how to cook, etc). And I have to bite my tongue in order to not sounds like Jillian Michaels and scream at them to stop making excuses. But I digress. I think I will always be a fat person inside, regardless of the size of my body. I still think like a fat person, and I certainly feel like a fat person.

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Do you (fat or thin) tend to judge fat people, particularly when they make excuses? I know it's not my place to judge anyone, but I can't help it sometimes.

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Busy busy busy

Sorry I haven't written much this week. I've been super busy! My whole routine was thrown off because my kids started going to Vacation Bible School from 9-12 everyday. They had finally started sleeping in a little, so I was waking up early to read and comment on blogs, and write in my blog; then this week, with VBS, I've had to wake them up, get them ready and be out the door by 8:30, so I haven't had time for the computer. I've also been reading a lot--I accidentally requested 3 books from the library and they all came in at once, so I have to read them and get them back on time. I'm a SLOW reader, so I need every spare moment I can get.

Anyway, I've been doing terribly on my intuitive eating, and I really want to get back in focus today. I was thrown off when I went up north for a girls weekend, and then yesterday was Noah's birthday party (read: cake!) so I put the intuitive eating on the back burner for a while. I haven't gotten on the scale, and I'm thinking that I might just weigh in once a month while doing the intuitive eating. A lot of times, the scale dictates how I'm going to eat each day, and I don't want that to be a factor right now. But I'm kind of scared NOT to weigh, because what if I gain 50 pounds?! 

It's been SO HOT here this week. Yesterday was almost 100 degrees, and today is not looking good either:

Needless to say, I will NOT be running outside today. I'll be doing a few miles on the dreadmill--usually 3 is the most I can do before I want to gouge my eyes out from boredom. Yesterday at Noah's birthday party, the kids were all pouring sweat, and actually went through a whole case (36 bottles) of water between 12 kids. They had fun though--they went for a hike and they played dodge-baseball, which was new to most of them. A lot of birthday parties these days are waaay over-the-top, and I just felt like going back to the basics and keeping it simple. 

Playing dodge-baseball (like baseball, only with a big rubber ball and you can throw it to hit and tag each other out

Cooling off in the nearly-100 degree heat

On a hike

 It was a pretty stress-free party, which is always nice.  And afterward, Noah told me that it was the best birthday party he's ever had, so I'd call it a success!  ;)

Well, I've got to take the boys to VBS this morning, but I'm going to try and write some more later. I am also SO FAR BEHIND on reading blogs that I feel I may never catch up. Sorry about that!

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What I've been missing out on

The kids asked Jerry if they could go for a walk in the woods across the street from our house, and on a whim, I decided to go too. Normally, I am NOT a fan of walking through the woods because of mosquitos, spiders, poison ivy, and other not-so-fun things. I've never been an outdoorsy person. Our house is across the street from state land, and this is what it looks like from my house:

An old pic from when it snowed in April (to the left is the woods)

Nothing special, right? We've lived here for almost 8 years now, and I've never ventured into the woods. However, since I made it a goal to have a more "active" life, rather than just planned, intentional exercise, I decided to go with Jerry and the boys for a walk in the woods.

I was AMAZED at what was located just about 1/2 mile away from my house! It was awesome! First, we walked along the dike to where there was a good path going into the woods.

Jerry had the camera, and THIS was the picture he took... lol

Eli and Noah on the dike

At this point, I was still not impressed. We saw dead fish and a couple of dead baby birds that had fallen from a tree :(  But once we got into the woods, I was blown away....

We walked along this path, and there were tons of clearings

Like THIS

I never would've guessed that THIS was just a 5 minute stroll away

Noah did pretty good taking a pic of Jerry and me

The boys were finding all kinds of used shotgun shells

My shadow :)

Isn't it so pretty?

I'm seriously in awe that I never knew this path existed!

Although I did see an unwelcome critter ;)

I spent the first 6 years we lived here being too fat and lazy to go exploring just minutes from my house, and then the last 2 years losing the weight. I'm so glad I went along on the walk with the boys! I'm definitely going to be going walking on that trail more often. The whole route is only 1.3 miles out and back. Perfect for a family walk. We'll have to be careful during hunting season, however ;)

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RECIPE: Sweet Potato Wheels

I had a sweet potato sitting on my counter for a while, so I decided to  turn that into my lunch yesterday. It was SO GOOD that I just have to  share--it's not much of a "recipe", more of a "method". But either way,  you've got to try it!

Sweet Potato Wheels (because "Wheels" sound so much more fun than "fries" or "rounds")

1 large sweet potato (mine was 12 oz)
cooking spray
salt & pepper to taste

Set the oven to 'broil' (mine has high and low, so I chose high). Peel  the sweet potato and slice into thin slices (about 1/4 inch). Spray a  baking sheet with the cooking spray, and then lay all the sweet potato  pieces out on the sheet.

Place the wheels on a sprayed baking sheet

Spray the tops with a little cooking spray and then  sprinkle generously with salt and pepper. Put the sheet under the  broiler until the tops are starting to burn darken in spots, like this:

When they look like this, flip them over

I think it took about 10 minutes for mine. Flip each  piece over, and put the sheet back under the broiler. When you can smell  the sweet potato goodness, and they look like this, they're done:

Pile them all on a plate and devour them.  Share them with someone, because this is probably at least two  servings. I ate the whole batch for about 280 calories, which was  totally worth it. These taste just like sweet potato fries, but they are so much easier to make--they cook more evenly, they don't stick to the  baking sheet, and they take less time overall.

A very well-spent 280 calories!

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RECIPE: Homemade Fajita Seasoning Mix

There is no reason to buy fajita seasoning mix in a packet when you can make some of your own in your kitchen. It tastes delicious!

You can mix up a batch of it and just use it whenever you want. In the photo below, I just sautéed a bunch of peppers and onions, added the seasoning mix, and served it over quinoa. No need for any meat! You can spice up all sorts of veggies this way.

Here is a printer-friendly version!

Fajita Seasoning Mix  

3 Tbsp. cornstarch
2 Tbsp. chili powder 
1 Tbsp. salt 
1 Tbsp. paprika 
1 Tbsp. sugar 
2 1/2 tsp. crushed chicken bouillon 
1 1/2 tsp. onion powder 
1/2 tsp. garlic powder 
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper 
1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes 
1/2 tsp. cumin 

Mix it all up in a baggie or airtight container. To season meat and/or veggies, add 2/3 of a cup of water + 3 Tbsp. of seasoning mix (per pound of meat). This makes 10 tablespoons of seasoning, and each serving is 3/4 Tbsp. 

The peppers and onions were so colorful while they were cooking, and smelled delicious! And after adding the seasoning, I could have eaten them plain, they were so good.

You can double or triple the recipe to always have some on hand. Enjoy! 

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