Picking up the pace

I really didn't want to go for a run this morning, but I had a 4.5 mile run scheduled, so I did it anyway (after stalling for about an hour). I brought the Garmin 305 instead of the 205 that I usually bring. The 305 has a heart rate monitor on it, so I decided to see how my heart rate is on my runs. It's been a while since I did that. Anyway, I changed the display on the screen to show things like pace, average pace, time of day, heart rate, etc. Then I went out for my run.

A couple of miles into it, I glanced at my Garmin to see my pace. I was pissed when I saw 9:38. Seriously?! I felt like I was running pretty well--not my hardest, but at least under a 9:15/mi pace. So I started running a little faster, and a little bit later I looked again. This time it was 9:46!

I was really discouraged when I saw that, so I went even faster. Then I looked again about a mile later, and it was 9:55. It wasn't until THEN that I realized I was looking at the time of day instead of my pace!! LOL, what a smart one I am.  My actual pace ended up being 9:11/mi, which still isn't great, but it's much better than 9:55!

I went to Dunham's today to buy an outfit for the Indy half-marathon in May. It's a really big deal for me this year, and I want to look good in the pics :)  I've walked the half-marathon three years in a row (even at my fattest--that's where my "before" picture came from).

This year will be the first time I actually RUN it.  This races means a lot to me because it is what inspired me to lose the weight in the first place. In 2009, I saw the pictures from the race and was disgusted with myself. And the whole time we were in Indy, I felt like "the fat friend" and just plain crappy about myself. I have since lost 125 pounds, so I'm hoping to get some good pictures for comparison.

I tried on a skort, which I think looks cute, but I was worried about chafing on my thighs. I don't run in shorts because I have loose skin on my thighs and I would just feel self-conscious. I really like Under Armour clothes, and so I decided to get their 'heat gear'.

I bought capri-length running tights and a t-shirt. I'm going to get "Half My Size" lettered on the back of the shirt for the race... is that lame? I don't know. I wanted to get a shirt made, and wasn't sure what to put on it, so that's what I decided on.  If it's cold, I'll wear this black shirt under it.

So here is my outfit for Indy... does it look okay? I hope so.

My husband and I actually have real PLANS tonight. We never have plans on a Saturday night, so this is exciting for us, haha.  We're going to my friend Renee's house to play cards and have a couple of drinks. I've decided to have two glasses of red wine, for a little over 200 calories. I won't eat anything there.

My family requested pita pizzas again tonight for dinner--so that's pretty easy for me :)  I don't think I could ever get sick of pizza.  Oh, some of you asked what "pineapple fluff" is. It's nothing special--just pistachio pudding mix + can of crushed pineapple + 8 oz container of cool whip free. It makes a fluffy textured pudding with crushed pineapple in it.

Today's food log:

Breakfast-
Green Monster (189)
coffee with cream (25)

Lunch-
1 egg + two whites with mushrooms and green pepper  (122)
1 waffle with almond butter  (129)
pear (98)

Dinner-
pita pizza  (256)

Snacks-
Vitatop with cool whip  (160)
Fiber One bar (140)
popcorn (225)
wine  (212)

Exercise-
Ran 4.51 miles in 41:23 (9:11/mi)  (+474 calories)

Total calories eaten:  1555

Continue Reading...

A better choice

Today marks Day 7 of counting calories again.  I can't believe I made it a whole week with out a binge! It's been a looong time since that has happened. Probably since September or October. 

I'm starting to feel that urge to keep going strong and I'm hoping I get the "nothing can stop me now!" attitude that I had when I lost all the weight. I still don't feel confident enough to keep certain foods in the house (chocolate chips, marshmallow fluff, Dove Promises, frozen yogurt, etc). I'll get to that point again though, hopefully.

Today, once again, I started thinking about getting a monster cookie.

But I kept thinking about how guilty I would feel for eating it, even if I worked it into my calories for the day. So I decided to think of a treat that I could have that wouldn't make me feel guilty, but I could still indulge in. And I decided to go to a bakery and buy a good quality cookie.  Not Mrs. Fields, because that is too 'binge-like' for me.

I went to a local bakery instead and asked what their most popular cookie was, and she said chocolate chip. So I decided to get that. I weighed it when I got home, and it was 3.3 oz. According to Sparkpeople, that would be 460 calories of yummy butter, sugar, flour, and chocolate.

My husband said something today that really made me stop and think. I was whining, naming off all the reasons why I hate counting calories and measuring food, and I should just eat whatever I want and screw the goal of getting to 126. He told me, "Do you realize that you're looking for reasons to binge? Quit looking for reasons TO binge, and start looking for reasons NOT TO binge."

Well duh. That's such simple advice, but it makes so much sense! I realized that I really was looking for reasons to binge. So now, hopefully I'll be more conscious of it when I start to have thoughts like that, and I can change my thinking.

I feel like all I've been blogging about for the whole week is bingeing. I think it's just a really hard time for me right now because I'm just getting back on track and all I can think about is food. I will come up with other things to write about. But this really goes to show that losing the weight means you won't still struggle every day to maintain it. I've been at this for 20 months and look how much I struggle!

I made pita pizza for dinner tonight. My family does "Pizza Fridays" and usually I make a homemade whole wheat crust, but lately I've been into using pitas for a crust. The pitas I bought were HUGE (probably 9 inches in diameter?) and super thin--and only 138 calories each.

My very very very favorite pizza topping is feta cheese and green peppers. My husband (normally a meat-lovers guy all the way) is now hooked on that combo too. He actually would rather have that than meat on his pizza now.

I buy fat free feta, and it's only 35 calories per ounce (mozzarella is 80 calories per ounce!)  So I use 1/4 cup pizza sauce, generous sprinkle of garlic powder, 1/2 ounce of mozzarella + 1 oz fat free feta + 2 tsp. parmesan. Then top with the green peppers. It is the. best. pizza. EVER. (It looks small in the pic, but it's literally the size of a small pizza from a pizza shop)

I was just entering my food into Sparkpeople, and when I added the turkey for the turkey sandwich I made, I was shocked at the sodium. When I glanced at the label, it said '340 mg' for the sodium. But that was for ONE slice, and I used THREE slices on my sandwich--along with a piece of cheese (more sodium) and mustard (even more). Yikes!

Today's food log:

Breakfast-
Bran flakes with almond milk and blueberries (128)
coffee with cream (25)

Lunch-
turkey sandwich (223)
apple with salt (63)
roasted cauliflower (29)

Dinner-
pita pizza  (255)
roasted cauliflower (29)

Snacks-
pineapple fluff (181)
chocolate chip cookie  (460)

Exercise-
none scheduled today

Total calories eaten:  1391

Continue Reading...

9 Miles

I had a scheduled long run today--9 miles. I always dread my long runs, and I even get nervous before them. I like to have a Green Monster before my runs, so I made that for breakfast.

Then I drove to my friend Renee's house to park and I did a 4.5 mile out-and-back run (actually, I overshot and went about 4.7 miles out, making the total run 9.36 miles. The first 5-6 miles, I felt totally fine. Then around mile 7, I just felt like I was dragging ass.

I just wanted it to be over!

That's the positive about an out-and-back run. You feel great the whole way out, feeling like you can run forever, the whole time getting farther and farther from your car (or house, or wherever you started). By the time you turn around and head back, it's too late to change your mind about how far to run. You have to get back somehow, right? When your legs feel like lead, you have no choice but to keep going. And I never stop to walk, because walking will just take longer.

My pace was terrible. I don't know what my funk is lately. I did great at the 10k on Saturday, but other than that, my pace has been slow. Today I averaged a little over a 9:30/mi pace. I really ought to be under a 9:00/mi pace.

Anyway, enough of that!  Today is my brother's birthday, and my mom invited us over there for dinner. She decided to bring home Chinese food. I told her last week about how important it is that I reach goal by the end of June, and I even told her not to be offended if I turn down dinner offers, etc.

I told her I wasn't going to go, and she got mad, so I told her that I'd go but just bring my own food.  So I made General Tsao's Chicken for me and my husband. Then I bought Smart Ones peanut butter cup sundaes for us to have instead of her dessert. I wasn't really tempted by the Chinese food, but refusing the Reese cup pie took some serious willpower.

My brother brought his new girlfriend to my parents house for dinner too, and I met her for the first time. I'm sure she thinks I'm a total self-righteous freak because I brought my own food. But I got over that a looong time ago. When I got very serious about losing weight, I quit giving a crap what other people thought about my food choices, and I learned to say NO.

By the way, if there is ONE change that you make to your diet for the better, it should be to give up restaurant food! I can literally count on one hand the number of times I've had restaurant food in the past year (maybe even two years!)  And that includes fast food. It was hard at first, but now I have no desire whatsoever to eat out (or order in).

I burned almost 1,000 calories during my run today, so naturally I ate more food for the day. Usually if I'm craving junk food, I eat it on my long run day. I was tempted to get a monster cookie today for that reason, but decided against it. Maybe next week for my 10-miler :)  Today I've just been snacking a little more than usual.

After seeing the plug on the 100-calorie packs of Wholly Guacamole on The Biggest Loser, I definitely had to buy some! I found them at Kroger. It's a 3 pack for a little under $2. I had one today with some baby carrots, and it was SOOO good. I may or may not have even licked the pouch until there wasn't a speck of green left ;)

Another snack I've been eating a lot lately is apple slices sprinkled with sea salt. I don't have a clue what possessed me to sprinkle salt on my apple, but it was fantastic! So I've been having that almost daily.

Today's food log:

Breakfast-
Green Monster  (189)
coffee with cream (25)

Lunch-
1 egg + 2 egg whites with Laughing Cow cheese (139)
waffle with almond butter (129)
pear with cinnamon  (98)

Dinner-
General Tsao's Chicken  (197)
brown rice (160)
Smart Ones peanut butter cup sundae  (170)

Snacks-
pineapple fluff  (181)
carrots with guacamole  (128)
WW carrot cake  (90)  <---these are soooo tiny and unsatisfying!
Caramello  (200)

Exercise-
Ran 9.36 miles  (+984)

Total calories eaten:  1705

Continue Reading...

Nothing short of a miracle

I'm in AWE that I actually made it through the day without a binge! Seriously. I was so mad at the scale this morning that I just wanted to say 'eff it' and eat a bunch of junk. I really thought about it. I even went to Kroger for a couple of things we needed and was thisclose to buying cookies or cake or something.

 Then later, I decided to go to Target for some new pj's (and to kill some time away from home, so I wouldn't be tempted to eat!) Well, Target is in the mall and so is Mrs. Fields, and you know my love affair with cookies + frosting.

Again, I was super duper tempted, but I didn't do it!

THEN, I really DID say "eff it" and decided I was going to buy a monster cookie. For my new readers, THIS is a monster cookie:

Two sugar cookies with a fuckload of buttercream frosting. They should seriously be illegal. Anyway, I went to the store to buy one, pulled into the parking lot, and then used EVERY OUNCE OF MY WILLPOWER to turn around and go home. I did! I'm not lying!

If I don't see some serious progress on the scale soon, however, I may not be so strong. I reeeeally need to reach my goal by the end of June.

I did buy some new pj's today, which made me feel good about myself--because they are a size small. I haven't tried on new clothes in a while because I just feel crappy about the 10 pounds I'd gained back.

Yesterday, my husband mentioned how when I was fat, I wore his 2X-3X t-shirts to sleep in, and I always used to say that if I ever lost the weight, I'd wear cute nighties. And I did wear them, for a little while. But lately, since I've been feeling fat, I started wearing his (now size large) t-shirts again. So I bought 3 cute nighties to wear, and a robe to throw over them when I wake up.

I can remember going to Target 2 years ago and trying on clothes--all the XXL things I tried on were TOO SMALL. Now I'm wearing a freaking size SMALL. It's just so hard for me to wrap my head around it. I keep thinking "Okay, they just made the clothes a lot bigger and labeled them smaller." (Yes, I really do think like this)

Even my jeans--I wear size 4 jeans, and I have literally 15 different brands of jeans in size 4. I have to do all the different brands just so I actually believe that I'm a size 4. If I had just one or two brands, I would assume that they were just vanity sized. But I can't argue with 15 different brands, can I?

It's really messed up how much weight loss screws up your mentality.

Today's food log:

Breakfast-
bran flakes with blueberries and almond milk (127)
2 cups coffee with 1 Tbsp. cream (25)

Lunch-
turkey sandwich with cheese and mustard (223)
apple (81)

Dinner-
homemade vegetarian fried rice (292)

Snacks-
pineapple fluff (181)
chocolate vitatop with cool whip (160)
popcorn (225)

Exercise-
none scheduled today (but my long run is tomorrow! I'm dreading it--9 miles!)

Total calories eaten: 1314

Continue Reading...

Weigh In

139.5

Even though I expected it (see previous entry), I'm totally bummed. I was 139.5 today. Which means, after 4 days of strict calorie counting, I'm UP by half a pound. This has actually never happened to me before. When I was actively losing the 125 pounds I lost between Aug 2009 and Dec 2010, I went 53 weeks before I had a gain.

Continue Reading...

Holy sodium!

I do NOT have high hopes for my Wednesday weigh-in tomorrow. This morning my weight was UP even though I've been counting calories--I was bummed. Then I looked at my food log from yesterday and saw that I consumed 3500+ mg of sodium yesterday. Good grief!

Continue Reading...

Tangled

I just got done watching Tangled with my kids. It's a cute movie--reminds me of the old-school Disney movies, like The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast.

I went for a run this morning. Looking at the weather report, it said it was supposed to rain all day except between 8 and 9 AM (strange) so I took that as an opportunity to get my run out of the way. It was the worst run I've had in a long time! I wasn't trying to go fast or anything, but I was still surprised to see that I was running a 9:40-ish mile pace--which is very slow for me lately. I'm used to running about a 9:00/mi pace. I had a bad stomach cramp and just wasn't feeling up to par today. I did 4.6 miles in 44:07.

I was SO tempted to binge today.

Continue Reading...

Motivation to get to goal

For those of you on Sparkpeople who have asked about me, I'm doing well--thank you for thinking of me! I guess I just haven't blogged because I feel I don't have anything interesting to say.

I am extremely motivated right now to finally do what it takes to reach my ultimate goal of 126 (half my starting weight). As of now, I am 139, so I have 13 pounds to lose. I also have a deadline to reach this goal--June 21st. I'll explain more about the deadline later, because I don't want to jinx anything, so I'm just going to leave it at that right now.

I'm not doing anything radical to lose the weight.

I'm just doing what I did to lose almost half my weight in the first place--weighing/measuring my food, counting the calories, and continuing to run for exercise. I *do* plan on keeping a food log here, to hold myself accountable. I will also do my Wednesday Weigh-Ins again. When I broke my jaw, I kind of got out of routine, and it's been very difficult to get back into a routine.

I'm still wearing size 4 jeans, although they have gotten very snug. I don't own any 6's, and I refuse to buy any, so it is mandatory that I drop these last few pounds. I know that I CAN do it; it just helps when I know that people are going to be reading about it! ;)

Anyway, I ran a 10k race yesterday and set a new PR of 55:05. I was very happy with that! I really wasn't expecting to set a PR, because my knee has been bothering me. The weather was great for running and the route was really fun. My next race is going to be the half-marathon in Indy on May 7th. Can't wait!!

Here is a picture from the 10k yesterday. Tiffany, Jessica, me, and Renee

Today's Food Log:

Breakfast-
Bran Flakes with almond milk and blueberries (127)
coffee with 1 Tbsp. half & half (22)

Lunch-
peanut butter & jelly sandwich (261)
apple (81)

Dinner-
2 eggs (140)
english muffin (100)
bacon (56)

Snacks-
Vitatop muffin (100)
hot cocoa (110)
popcorn (225)

TOTAL: 1222 (I didn't exercise today, so I ate the minimum calories recommended)

Continue Reading...

How did you lose the weight?

ETA: I've written a much more detailed post to answer this question, and you can find it here: The Habits That Helped Me Lose 125 Pounds.

Ahhh, the million dollar question.

Whenever people learn that I've lost a large amount of weight, the first thing they want to know is HOW I did it. So I will dedicate this post to answering that question and get it out of the way now.

The short answer is: diet and exercise. Sorry to disappoint, but I did not take any magic pills or eat magic food. I did not sit on my couch all day and stuff my face with food and lose weight! Shocking, right? I actually put in a lot of hard work, dedication, and made lots of sacrifices to get where I am now--and it was all worth it.

Usually this is where people stop listening, or stop reading. It's not what anyone wants to hear. However, if I still have your attention, I'll give you some details.

I am a binge eater; and when I was fat, I frequently ate a lot of food in one sitting. I ate restaurant food very often (known for their huge portions); cooked heavy meals at home (again, large portions); and in order to "relax" at night, I would eat large amounts of comfort foods (namely ice cream).

 In August of 2009, at 253 pounds, I once again made a decision to lose the weight. I'd made the decision at least a thousand times before; but for some reason, this time I was very determined to stick it out to the end. I wanted to quit so many times, but I persevered. And in December 2010, I weighed in at 128 pounds (125 pounds lost).

As far as the changes I made to my diet? I did not cut out carbs, or eat just fish and broccoli. I didn't live on salads for 16 months. In fact, I only ate maybe two salads the entire time I was losing weight, because I just wasn't a big fan of salad!

I cut back on my portions by weighing and measuring my food. I counted the Weight Watchers Points in my food (I did not join WW or join their online program--I just found that counting Points easier to keep track of in my head). I used their Winning Points program (they typically change it up every couple of years, but I stuck with Winning Points).

At first, I ate all the usual stuff that I was eating before; I just ate less of it by portioning out my food, and I counted those calories. Over many months, I began to make healthier changes (because I wanted to, not because I felt like I HAD to). At first, I ate roughly 1800 calories per day on average; as my weight got lower, my calories (Points) lowered as well. (I was never willing to reduce my calories to 1200 per day, like a lot of weight loss programs recommend.)

I did not exercise at all until after I'd lost about 60 pounds. I hated exercise, and I just didn't want to make that commitment at first. My sister asked me to walk a half-marathon with her in May 2010, and I (reluctantly) agreed. (We had walked it in 2008 and 2009, and I knew how tough it would be to train for.)

I began training to walk the half-marathon. I also made the ridiculous goal that I wanted to try to RUN a 5K race--something I thought was completely impossible. At the urging of my friend Renee (a runner), I began running three times per week (You can read about how I got started running on my Running page) and doing a long walk on the weekends to prep for both races at the same time.

I walked the half-marathon in May 2010 and finished in 3:23; about 30 minutes faster than the previous two years. In October 2010, I ran my first 5K race and finished in 27:16! I was hooked on running by this point, and I kept at it. I continued to run and set my goals higher. This year, I'll be running the same half-marathon that I walked for the last three years!

If there is one thing I learned on this journey, it's that there is no such thing as a quick fix. If there was, I would have found it--believe me! I tried it all. And the only thing that worked for me is to make changes that were doable for the rest of my life. I didn't give up my favorite foods, or exercise for hours every day. I just cut back on my portion sizes, started exercise when I wanted to, and the weight came off consistently!

ETA: I've written a much more detailed post to answer this question, and you can find it here: The Habits That Helped Me Lose 125 Pounds.

Continue Reading...

Martian 10k

A couple of weeks ago, I got talked into registering for a 10k that took place this morning. My friends Renee and Jessica signed up too (they are going to Indy with me for the half-marathon). I wasn't training for it, but I was prepared, since I've been training for the half marathon. I ran 8 miles a couple of days ago and my knee has been killing me ever since, so I was nervous about the 10k this morning. I always get nervous before races, which is kind of ridiculous. I got zero sleep last night because I kept thinking about the race.

Anyway, I was nominated to drive, so everyone met at my house in the morning. We also picked up a girl named Tiffany on the way, who was a friend of Jessica's. There was a half-marathon, a full marathon, a 10k, a 5k, and a kids marathon, all with different starting times. We got there super early, at 6:30 AM--and the 10k start time was at 8. We walked around a little and hung out in the car until race time.

Renee, who is the fastest of us, went up to the front of the start line. I was in the middle, and really didn't care where I started because we had chips on our shoes for official timing. When it started, I found a good pace right away and was passing a lot of people. The course was really fun--we got to run on an on-ramp to a freeway and then run part of the freeway and turn around at the halfway point, then run through some sort of park on a paved path. It was mostly a flat course--just a few hills.

I felt pretty good through the whole thing, and my knee wasn't hurting at all. About a half mile from the halfway point where you turn around, I saw Renee (meaning she was about 1 mile ahead of me). I also saw a girl I went to high school with, and I recognized her instantly. She didn't see me, but when I got home, I found her on Facebook and asked if it was her--it was.  Anyway, I had pretty much no hope of setting a PR. My last 10k was on Halloween, at the peak of my running and before I broke my jaw. My time was 56:25 (9:05/mi). Lately, I've been running about a 9:20 mile--I just feel sluggish or something.  So I wasn't really going for a PR. That is why I wasn't even excited about this race.  After the first mile or so, I looked at my pace and I was doing about an 8:40 mile, so I was happy about that. Then I thought, "If I just stay under a 9:00/mi, I'll set a PR."

Turns out I DID actually set a PR!  My finish time was 55:04.5.  I finished 316th out of 946 overall, and 34th out of 149 in my age group (20-29). I'm pretty happy about that!!

This is Tiffany, Jessica, me, and Renee. I'm bummed I didn't put on my race shirt for the pic! But I didn't want to transfer my bib over.

Continue Reading...