November 30, 2020

Handmade Ornaments Are The Best!

We set up our Christmas tree today. Jerry loves Christmas more than any other time of year and he really looks forward to setting up the tree. We had plans of decorating the tree and making Christmas cookies with the kids.

I get anxiety on "Christmas tree day" now--ever since 2017 when Jerry broke down out of nowhere. It shocked all of us at how genuinely upset he was. I don't even know if the kids had ever seen him cry before! (I wrote the whole story in this post: A Very Personal Post I've Been Questioning Writing for 10 Months.)

For the past couple of years, I've gotten super worried around Christmastime because it reminds me of when Jerry had such a hard time with depression and anxiety a few years ago (even going to the emergency room during a panic attack thinking it was a heart attack). He'd never had depression before and it scared me. He's always been my stability!

Today was no different. I wanted to make sure that things went nicely and that Jerry enjoyed it.

After dinner, Noah and I got into a really good conversation. It's super rare that we have a "real" conversation anymore--our interests are totally different and I'm his uncool mom ;) However, he's taking Psychology 101 (a college course!) and I LOVE talking psychology. Psychology was my major when I went to Eastern Michigan University. I never finished, but I loved the courses.

Anyway, Noah has to write a paper and was given several topics to choose from--most topics were different mental illnesses. He had to choose one that he could somehow relate to. Surprisingly, bipolar disorder wasn't on the list. He actually emailed his professor to see if he could write about bipolar and was given the go-ahead. So he chose the topic of what it's like to grow up with a parent who has bipolar disorder. 

I was really excited about his choice, although a little nervous about facing anything negative he'd have to say. I told him that I didn't want him to hold back anything out of fear of hurting my feelings. I even said I wouldn't read it if he didn't want me to. 

We talked about his paper and different points he could make: the difference between bipolar I and bipolar II; why bipolar is frequently misdiagnosed for depression; treatment with meds and therapy; how bipolar usually coexists with some sort of addiction--food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, etc.; and of course, parent/child relationships as well as parent/parent relationships.

I assumed that he would focus on the negatives of growing up with a bipolar parent, but he brought up something that made me feel so proud of him--that having a bipolar parent who is very passionate about mental illness/health has made him more compassionate and understanding of those with mental disorders. 

I love that! And since he's going to be a nurse, it made me wonder if he might go into psychiatric nursing. He'd be great at it.

Thankfully, setting up the tree went well. It was actually really funny to watch the kittens experience Christmas decorations for the first time. Duck was all over the ornaments while Chick was into the box that the tree came in. It was nearly impossible to get a picture of Duck because he was moving so fast.



We got a new (artificial) tree this year; our old one was super nice but extremely large and when I was working on the garage, we decided to get rid of it for something smaller. I gave it to my brother, so it went to a good home :)



Even though I'm a Christmas Grinch, I really like looking at the ornaments for the tree each year. I like "homely" looking trees rather than the immaculately decorated, color-coordinated ones. The handmade ornaments from the kids are adorable--I have them from back when they were in preschool. 

Jerry chose a cookie recipe for us to bake, although he and Eli did the work. Noah and I were just taste testers ;)  They were delicious! The recipe can be found here


Here are some of the kids' handmade ornaments... I love them!






I love this one that Eli made because of the way he used to write his name! He was four years old when he wrote his name on it...



Thankfully, today turned out to be a good day. Jerry enjoyed decorating the tree and making cookies. I really enjoyed the conversation with Noah. I hope we'll talk more about stuff like that while he's taking this class!

19 comments:

  1. I want to thank you for this Story about BiPolar and the difference between 1 and 2.My boyfriend has bipolar 2.plusche is a alcoholic and has PTSD along with a few different traumatic brain injuries due to falling drunk.He is a veteran but it seems no matter what treatment he does he can't stop drinking.Maybe deep down he doesn't want to because he likes drinking.im at my wit's end with him.i feel like it's time to end our 4 years old relationship.i love him deeply but none of it seems to matter to him...

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    1. I am SO sorry for what you are going through. Having a boyfriend with mental illnesses along with alcoholism must be extremely challenging. Seeing someone you love going through all that can be traumatizing, and your feelings of being at your wits' end are completely valid. Have you considered seeing a therapist? It can help so much if you find the right one! I know it sounds cliché, but therapy helped me a LOT when I needed it most. I really hope the best for you <3

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  2. On/off topic...I know you're a Lowes shopper...do you have a Home Depot near you? Every time I go in Home Depot I think of you. They have a Christmas inflatable (big, like 6'-8' tall) of a squirrel eating an acorn. It is actually motorized and it opens it's mouth. It is $79. I'm like, Katie NEEDS this!

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    1. Hahaha, if I was into Christmas decorations, I would LOVE to have that! Like I said, I'm a Christmas Grinch, so I've never decorated (other than our tree). But I bet if I put the squirrel in our yard while Jerry was at work, he'd be so excited to see it when he came home! It's tempting... ;)

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  3. Love this! So glad that you guys had a great day. We decorate our tree with "homemade" ornaments from past years too. I love it!

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    1. Homemade ornaments are the best <3 They make me wish my kids were little again! I can't believe how fast they grow.

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  4. Katie, reading your blog has made me more understanding and compassionate for others with mental illness as well. It also enabled me to deal with my sister's anxiety disorder much more positively and helpfully.

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    1. That makes me so happy! I know it's hard for family members to understand (and how irrational mental illness sounds to those that don't have it!) so I can't even tell you how much your sister probably appreciates it (even if she doesn't tell you so). Having support from family members and/or friends means SO MUCH to someone battling any sort of mental illness!

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  5. I was very touched by your recount of the conversation with your son. I have a daughter with BP and another who wrote her college essay about what it was like to be the “normal” one. She didn’t let me read it until just recently - lots of tears, lots of guilt, but in the end, a lot of empathy for people that struggle like her sister....

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    1. This makes me feel happy and sad at the same time--I 100% understand where (all of you!) are coming from. I would love to read your daughter's essay if she'd let me (via email). I completely understand if not, but being the "abnormal" one, I'm curious what it's like for my siblings. Things were different when I was younger (mental illness was NEVER talked about) and I'm so glad that people are paying more attention to it now. I love the topic that your daughter chose--it's unique and I'm sure her thoughts were very eye-opening. <3

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  6. I wish nothing but success for your son going through nursing. My son-in-law is a nurse on the psychiatric ward at a hospital. He says it's the most rewarding job ever.

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    1. That's great to know! When I mentioned it to Noah, he said he didn't think he'd be good at it. I think he'd be great!

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  7. You're an awesome mom and your sons are proof of your love and hard work along with Jerry. They are lucky for sure. I have anxiety disorder, on meds, and my panic attacks have limited so much what I feel comfortable doing. My husband can't possibly know what the chocking feeling is like, but he helps any way he can. Flying is almost impossible. I love coffee but any caffeine gets me nervous and I hate the way decaf tastes. Stress in these days is way worse than ever. So many of my co-workers are out with covid and I tried to pick up extra, but my old lab needs me here at home on my days off. Feel bad for the girl with her boyfriends troubles. She needs To take care of #1 first.

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    1. I can empathize SO much with what you are saying. Ugh, and caffeine? I want to be "normal" and drink a cup of coffee, but I can't because it makes my anxiety so bad! I can't fly without alcohol (I have, but I had to white-knuckle my way through the whole flight). I can completely understand how you're feeling. I'm so sorry that your anxiety disorder and panic attacks are limiting how you live your life. <3

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  8. I got a lot of warm fuzzies reading about Noah and schooling! I had NO idea what I wanted to do when I was his age. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this but my father was a pharmacist at a psychiatric hospital, and reading this post gave me the reflection that he did constantly instill the fact that we’re all people on the same planet with different views and challenges. He had amazing stories (especially about treatments in the 80s that would neeeeeever fly today!). Excited for Noah’s future, no matter what he pursues!

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    1. I don't ever remember you mentioning your dad--that is so interesting! I'd love to hear his stories. I can't wait until I can see you again! <3

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  9. Hi Katie, I saw this at Target yesterday and thought you would love it:
    https://www.target.com/p/double-decker-theatre-cat-scratcher-house-wondershop-8482/-/A-79654730#lnk=sametab

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    1. That is awesome!! My cats love those cardboard scratchers. Thanks for thinking of me!

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  10. Hi Katie! I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to share such awesome family stories. My girlfriend told me about this post and I wanted to add my thoughts. I've struggled with mental illness my whole life and watched my mom do the same. I'm 46 now and I'm finally realizing my dream of helping other kids that felt like I did by becoming a psychiatric nurse. If you see something in him that tells you he'd be great at it, urge him to work part time as a tech in a psych ward or volunteer with psych patients because you're probably right and psych patients deserve caring and compassionate care from a place of understanding like he'd undoubtedly be able to provide. I love knowing he's going to add to our ranks of nurses with first-hand knowledge of psych issues because he will encounter psych patients in any department he chooses. I wish him nothing but the very best!!!

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I used to publish ALL comments (even the mean ones) but I recently chose not to publish those. I always welcome constructive comments/criticism, but there is no need for unnecessary rudeness/hate. But please--I love reading what you have to say! (This comment form is super finicky, so I apologize if you're unable to comment)

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