February 07, 2018

Actual Weight Talk

Sometime over the holidays, I stopped doing many Weight Loss Wednesdays. It's hard to come up with new weight loss topics, especially when I feel like I've said it all before. But now that I started running again, I think it would be helpful for me to at least keep tabs on my weight (again).

It's been about a year since I stopped counting calories, Points, or anything else to lose/maintain my weight. It actually wasn't even really a conscious decision--I just sort of fell away from those things, and when I saw my weight was dropping the pounds I'd packed on through my depression, I just kept doing what I was doing.

I wrote recently a timeline of my weight ups and downs, and while I was doing that, I noticed that my weight frequently parallels my bipolar phases--I gain weight when depressed, and lose weight when hypomanic. I tend to maintain for a little bit when I'm not in either extreme.

...Which is where I am now. I was feeling a little depressed through the holidays--nothing like my past depressive episodes, but definitely not my happy self. I didn't want to do much, I lost interest in the things I usually enjoy, and my emotions were very sensitive. During that time, my weight started climbing up after having been very level for months.

A few weeks ago, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, and I told him what was going on. He made a slight medication adjustment, and within a week, I was feeling better. Not hypomanic, either--just happier, with a nicer outlook on things, and more interest in the things I enjoy.

And now, my weight has been very stable ever since. I wish that I was back at my goal weight before leveling off, but I'm still within my "happy range" (I want to stay under 144, which is the highest weight in my "normal" BMI range). I had been staying between 131 and 134 for a long time until I started feeling a little depressed, and gained a little each week.

Today, my weight was at 142.6--so I'm up roughly 10 pounds (I've been hovering in the low 140's for about four weeks now).

Thank God it's not the usual 30-ish pounds I gain when I have a depressive episode! And I feel pretty confident that this is the "peak" for me this time--I'll probably either stay at this weight for a while, or I'll start losing again.

I noticed that when I was feeling kind of depressed over the holidays, my appetite went up a lot. My hunger level was also up, and I felt legitimately hungry all the time. And once my mood leveled off, my appetite and hunger did, too. I find it so interesting that I never saw the pattern before!

It really helps me to know what's happening and why. I used to just beat myself up for "losing control" and gaining so much weight. But now that I see the patterns, I don't feel like it's completely my fault. Also, I now know a little of what I might expect to see happening in the near future. I also realize the importance of keeping my mood as stable as possible.

In addition, I started running again three and a half weeks ago, so that may play a part as well. One of the biggest things I've noticed since I got back to running regularly is that my body composition is changing. My clothes fit better and I can see a difference in the mirror (nothing major, but definitely noticeable) compared to a couple of months ago, even when I was at a lower weight.

The best part is that I feel good about my body again. Remember when I wrote about how I was feeling fat at goal weight? Now, I'm 10 pounds over my goal, but I feel much better about my body because I'm running. Running regularly makes me feel more confident and happy that I'm doing something good for myself!

Speaking of weight patterns, I completely forgot to post the winners of the Happy Scale code giveaway! I meant to post it last Wednesday--I'm so sorry. Anyway, I used Random.org to choose four winners, and these were the winning commenters:

Congrats! Please send me an email at Katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com, and I will send you a code for the premium version of Happy Scale! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :)


  1. Omg I never win anything!! Haha. I'm emailing you right now! I'm so happy for you that you're feeling so confident!!

  2. Thanks to you, I've stuck to my new running goal because I signed up for a race. I feel better emotionally.

  3. I'm relatively new to your blog, but one book I found really helped me (have you read it?) is "Overcoming Problem Eating". Definitely helps to identify your triggers (in your case, your depression) but also provides concrete tools to use when the urge strikes. I'm in that place where I'm trying to maintain without points, calories, fitbit, etc. and the book really helped me figure out other ways to deal with my issues besides food..anyway, great post. Have fun getting back in running!

    1. Who is the author of the book? Thanks!

    2. Patricia Furness-Smith. It's pretty intense, but I found it really great!

  4. I’m so glad I came across your blog. I feel like you and I have such similar stories. Your post on binge eating blew me away. I literally began to cry. Finally, someone else has had the same issues as me! Thank you for sharing your story, it is such an inspiration.
    On a side note I’ve printed your sub 10K and finish string half marathon training plans!

  5. Hey Katie,
    Like many others, I feel like we share similar stories. I suffer from anxiety and depression and take medications to help. I am maintaining a 145 pound loss for 4 months now, which is a first for me. Running has been a huge part of my recovery. I live near you and work in the Downriver area. I am looking to connect with a running group. This is a big step for me because I tend to isolate. I was wondering if you are planning to have running groups once the weather warms up. I too am looking into skin removal surgery. I have rashes and chronic sweating and itching in the abdomen and thigh areas.

  6. Just sent the email! So excited!


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