Intuitive eating was going really well for about six weeks, and then I'm not sure what happened. I wasn't binge eating, but I was definitely eating when I wasn't hungry, and I was eating too much. I was very aware of it, but I had such a hard time stopping it! My weight didn't change by more than a couple of pounds, so I'm no worse off than I was two months ago. And I'm actually really glad that I did the intuitive eating experiment, because I learned quite a bit about my body, which I think will help regardless of what I do to lose/maintain my weight.
One of the hardest things about intuitive eating was drinking--and I don't mean just alcohol. Fluids don't fill me up, so drinking juice, soda, milk, coffee drinks, or alcohol was really just leading to a lot of extra calories without satisfying my hunger. I'm sure there is an answer for this, but drinks weren't really addressed in the book I read, so I never really figured it out.
The main purpose for switching back to Weight Watchers really stems from my desire to get back to being in my best running shape. As I wrote in my "new size" post, and my "bikini" post, I am okay with how I look now--I don't think I look bad at this size, even though it's not ideal, and I could be happy staying this size.
|September 2014: 152 pounds|
But... I really want to set some challenging running goals, and I run my best when I'm 130-135 pounds.
|5K in 24:03; 130 pounds|
This was all brought on when I was reading a post I wrote, and then clicked on the "You might also like:" posts. Seeing some of the posts from early to mid-2013 made me feel a little nostalgic for Weight Watchers and reaching for PR's. It was fun to see myself getting faster every week, and I was over the moon when I reached my sub-2:00 half-marathon goal. The day I ran a sub-50:00 10K? I can't even describe how that felt.
|(far left) 10K in 49:23; 131.5 pounds|
Lately, I've been much more accepting of where I am today, at this moment, and I'm glad for that. I didn't want to spend my time being miserable until I was back at my goal weight. But when I looked and felt my best, I was following Weight Watchers and running five days a week. I had some running goals that I was always working on.
|The day I finally raced a|
sub-2:00 HM! 1:52:07;
This year has been different in so many ways. All goals were tossed aside when Mark was sick, and that was understandable. But once he passed away, I wish I'd gotten back to counting points and working on running goals. I had this attitude that life was short, so I might as well not "waste" my time or energy counting points. Mark's illness and death was the most difficult emotional thing I've gone through since losing the weight a few years ago, and I had no idea how to handle it (considering I'm an emotional eater). I wanted to have fun, and not worry about weight or calories or any of that.
|Just after Mark died. Paced Audrey to 2:14 half-marathon.|
I'm not sure what my weight was here, but I think 145-ish.
Anyway, I am taking away a few things from intuitive eating that will be helpful as I do Weight Watchers: I realized that it doesn't take a very large portion to satisfy me--even just half a sandwich is a satisfying lunch. I realized that I don't crave sweets as much as I thought I did, so I'm not going to purposefully save up points to eat a high-point dessert. Instead, I'm going to spend a few extra points on "real" foods like butter, regular fat cheese, hearty bread, etc., because they taste so much better. I'm going to eat what sounds best to me, and not force the foods that don't sound good.
I have a couple of spring races that I'm really looking forward to next year, and I would love to be in
|Can't wait to see these people again!|
Yesterday, I registered for another race that looks like a blast--the Shamrock Run in PORTLAND!
I've been saving up my Delta SkyMiles, and I had enough saved up to get a ticket to pretty much anywhere in the U.S. I've never been to the Northwest area of the United States, and Thomas (from my Ragnar SoCal team) lives in Portland. He suggested the Shamrock Run 15K, because it's a ginormous race and lots of fun. So I got my plane ticket yesterday, and after redeeming 40,000 miles, it was only $11.20! I love getting a good travel deal, so I don't feel so guilty about traveling for a race. Thomas is ridiculously fast, so my goal is to not give him enough time to go home and shower before waiting for me to cross the finish line ;) (I've actually never run a 15K race, so it's an automatic PR--but I'm really hoping to just feel great through the race)
My goal for the Indy race is to get back below sub-2:00, and if all goes well during training, possibly a PR of sub-1:52:07. I'm going to use Hal Higdon's intermediate half-marathon training plan, which is what I loosely followed to become my fastest last year. I'm actually going to start that plan the week after the Runner's World Half & Festival in a couple of weeks.
Coming up with my running goals and training plans has really made me excited to work hard on those again--including doing Weight Watchers. I was surprised to admit that I kind of missed counting points over the past couple of months, in some strange way. Intuitive eating was really freeing until it wasn't--I found myself always worried about getting back into old habits and gaining weight. When I started intuitive eating, I had told myself that if it got to the point of being stressful, then I would go back to the old faithful--Weight Watchers. The past couple of weeks have definitely felt a little stressful in that regard. Jerry and I both went back to counting points yesterday, and I had a great day. It felt really nice to feel in control and to know that I'm doing my best to get back to my best running weight.
I'm hoping to start updating more about my weight and how Weight Watchers is going. It's been so hard to talk/write about all this year, because it (obviously) wasn't going well for me. I know that I've always written about the good and the bad of weight loss/maintenance, but this year was the worst struggle I've dealt with so far, and I'm still trying to get back to the point of feeling confident that I can keep the weight off. Nothing motivates me more than looking at my running photos and posts from last year!
So, to start off October...my goal this month (on top of doing Weight Watchers) is going to be to not have any Halloween candy until Halloween day. I did that a couple of years ago, and it worked out really well. I was able to stay on track all month, and then was rewarded when Eli gave me all his mini Butterfingers, haha (can you believe he didn't like Butterfingers?! Crazy kid).