March 26, 2020

How to Play Grandma's Game (solitaire) - A video tutorial


I shared this video five years ago, but I thought now, amidst this coronavirus social distancing, it'd be a great time to share it again.

I never knew what this game was called until I wrote about it on my blog, and a couple of people suggested it was called "Grandma's Game" or also "13 Stacks". I think the way I play it is slightly different than those rules, but it's very similar.

You can find digital versions of this game, but I think most of the fun of it is playing with actual REAL playing cards. The deal is the funnest part of the game!

You use two decks of cards (no jokers). To explain it in words here is nearly impossible, so I made a video way back in 2015 explaining how to play. I've only ever ONCE won the game, and it was so exciting! Here is what I wrote in my blog that day:

"I've mentioned the game in my blog several times, because it really helps me to keep from binge eating sometimes. I like to play it with real cards (not digitally). I've been playing the game for over two decades, and I'd NEVER WON. Not once! 
Well, apparently, today was my lucky day. I ACTUALLY WON. My heart was pounding toward the end, because I was doing so well, and I couldn't believe it when I actually won. My mom is the one who taught me the game, and she only won it one time (about 40 years ago). It's a really difficult game to win! 
I was dying to tell someone, but nobody really cares(!) so I decided to make a video that I've been planning to do for a long time but just never got around to it. I made a video that explains how to play the game. It's a hard game to describe, and I never even knew what it was called until I wrote about it on my blog a couple of years ago (the closest game I can find to what my mom taught me is called Grandma's Game). 
Anyway, if you're into playing solitaire, here is a video that explains how to play. I wish it was a little closer up, but I hope that it's pretty explanatory."

So, here is the video. Give it a try! You'll be hooked for life, because the odds of actually winning are nearly impossible, hahaha.



This is a photo of what it looks like when you win... Good luck!


March 25, 2020

Exciting run today!


On Monday, I wrote about how I had done a hard run for the first time in years. It felt SO good to sweat, breathe hard, and push myself out of my comfort zone. After doing heart rate training for so long, and keeping my heart rate low, I was just really in the mood to push myself.

After that run, I felt so good that I altered the training plan I'd written for the Detroit Free Press Half in October. I'd been planning to do walking for a few more weeks, then following my Six-Month Half Marathon Training for Beginners plan.

Yesterday, I changed the plan to start out with running two miles at a time. I've always felt like three miles was the magical number, but what's wrong with running two?

On the plan, I have the distance increase by only 0.25 miles every two weeks (the long run, once a week, will increase a little faster). Then, when I'm 12 weeks out from the race, I'll start my 12-week "Finish Strong" Half-Marathon plan (on July 27).

For these next 18 weeks, though, I don't have a specific pace goals, or heart rate goals, or anything other than just running a distance. This week, it's two miles.

For a moment today, when I thought of the fact that I was planning to run, I felt the "but I don't wanna" attitude that I've had for... well, ever. But when I remembered that it was only a two mile run, and the faster I ran the sooner I'd be done, it didn't bother me! I didn't even procrastinate.

Monday's run gave me the confidence to try to push myself a little harder today. Thankfully, I didn't have problems with the iPad like last time, and I was able to start my run on the treadmill right away. I wore my Altras today. I'd like to start working them into my routine again.

I decided to start the treadmill at 6.0 mph. I haven't run at that speed in I have no idea how long. But I wanted to see if I could do just a quarter mile--or even half a mile--at 6.0, and then I could drop it down to 5.0 if I wanted. I put on a Forensic Files show, but it was really boring and definitely not made-for-treadmill watching. So, I was bummed that I didn't have a good distraction, but it was just for two miles.

When I got to 0.5 miles and I was still holding that 6.0 mph pace, I thought how great it would feel if I could do a full mile. It started to feel really difficult at around 0.75 miles, but I knew that I could keep going. For a moment, I thought about going for two miles at that speed, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. My heart rate was approaching 170, and usually once I hit 173 I'm toast.

When I reached one mile, I dropped the speed down to 5.5. For the next 0.75 miles, I bounced between 5.5 and 5.7. Then in the last 0.25 miles of the run, I kept increasing the speed until I finished on 6.5 mph (only for a moment!).

I felt so good! It was a big confidence boost, and I loved feeling like I'd worked really hard. I miss pushing myself and playing little head games to make myself go farther or faster.

My first mile split was 9:55; my second mile was 10:30. I was thrilled with that! So, today's run was two miles in 20:25; on Monday, it was 21:36!

My face was super red when I was done. I sat down on the treadmill in front of the fan, chewing on ice and just catching my breath.


I haven't felt this good about running in ages!

March 24, 2020

Making Time for Things We Don't Have Time For

As of today, it's been well over a week since the kids have been out of school and we've been told to distance ourselves socially. At first, it really did feel like a few snow days! Now the reality is setting in.

I feel terrible that Eli's baseball season is canceled. He LOVES baseball and was so excited about this season--he'd had some private lessons with a hitting coach and he'd been practicing with a travel team. He even started running on the treadmill and doing sit-ups, push-ups, and planks! He was determined to be a great ball player this season.

Noah hasn't been happy with me at all because I won't let him get together with his friends. He doesn't understand the reasoning behind social distancing. I've been letting him play games on his computer way too much, but I'm not worried about it. It's his way of socializing with friends right now.

This morning, I started thinking about how great this time is for doing the things we usually don't have time for. I recently shared a list of things I'd like to learn; and some of them seemed impossible. However, now I feel like it's the perfect time for several things!

Jerry and I were both talking about learning a foreign language. We looked up the cost of Rosetta Stone and were weighing out whether it would be worth it and if we'd make the time to actually work on it--and there is no reason NOT to right now. So we may end up doing that soon.

Today, I was SUPER sore from my run yesterday, so I had a "lazy day". I read a little of my book and watched a movie. And it occurred to me that I could multitask while watching the movie--I used to knit or crochet while watching TV in the evenings--so I cast on for a garter stitch afghan today. It'll be gray, white, and light blue to match the decor of my house.

I don't think garter stitch looks the best, and it's literally the simplest of patterns, but it is certainly super cozy and squishy and I love it.


I finally brought inside the project I'd been working on... my first project that I made with my table saw! I wanted to replace a cheap/broken little table that I'd had in my bathroom. I had the table across from the toilet in my bathroom--the drawer had feminine hygiene products and then I had a roll or two of toilet paper on the shelf. It wasn't anything fancy--it just made for easy access.

The drawer broke on the table, so I decided to use my table saw and some scrap materials to make a new table. I love how it turned out! It took forever (and I even had to remake the entire thing at one point) but I'm happy with it now. I didn't realize just how powerful wood glue was until this project--once you use wood glue, there is NO going back! That's why I had to start from scratch at one point.

There is a big learning curve with the table saw, so the table is not perfect. There are several things that I could have done better! But the table does its job and it's in a place that no one sees anyways, so I'm fine with it. I learned quite a bit while making it, so I'm happy with how it turned out as my first project.


I painted it orange (of course) and I really like it. It replaces the old table perfectly! (Obviously, on the left is the old table; and on the right is the new table that I made with scraps)


It's so nice to have had time to work on this project. I also started working on a shelf for Noah's room (I just have to paint it).

Basically, I feel like NOW, during this coronavirus quarantine, is a great time to make time for the things we don't usually make time for. To start hobbies we always wanted to, but just didn't think we'd be able to find the time to do. Learning a foreign language, knitting, woodworking, and anything else that comes to mind.

Yesterday, I used the sewing machine that Jerry got me for Christmas. It was my first time using it! I patched up his work pants and I hemmed a pair of jeans for him.

My sister sent me a link to a pattern for face masks, and I was surprised to see that some hospitals are open to using them because they are so desperate for masks right now. I printed out the pattern (ugh, I finally solved the printer problem this morning--it only took me about six hours total!). I'm going to try making a mask tomorrow. Even if it doesn't work for this virus, I can certainly use it when I use the table saw! Haha, the dust is terrible.

There are several hobbies that I enjoy doing but I don't make time for them, because it makes me feel guilty for spending time on them when I feel like I "should" be doing something else. So with this quarantine going on right now, I really feel like this is the perfect "excuse" to work on things that I enjoy.

I would love to learn a language, knit the super squishy, comfy, garter-stitch afghan, sew some masks or anything else that I want to make, organize my photos, play around in my wood "shop" and make some things, and even teach my family how to play Hearts (Spades and Euchre are to come soon!). Now I have the time to do these things without feeling like I "should" be doing something else. I love not feeling guilty about it.

By the way, here is my "happy place" in the garage. Kind of boring looking, right?! But I turn my podcasts up loud and I love making things out of scraps here. I never would have guessed that I'd one day have a little "shop" set up in the garage, and Jerry teases me about it, but it's definitely where I can forget about my anxiety for a while. It's so nice.



Pssst... Here's a "secret" that I'm very excited about: Today, I sent an application to adopt two cats! After the black cat came to visit us and we really wanted to keep him, I've been thinking non-stop about getting a new cat (or, preferably, a bonded pair!). I've been looking online to see the cats at local rescues and shelters and I fell in love with a sibling pair of brothers (they look like mirror twins).


Even if we don't get that particular pair, I'm going to keep looking. I feel like now is a good time to get a new pet--the kids and I are at home 99% of the time, so it'd be great for the adjustment period. We're certainly not going on a vacation any time soon.

I would love to get a pair of bonded male cats (they get along better than females, and Phoebe and Estelle would definitely do better with males).

I REALLY miss Chandler. All of the cats got along with him. Hopefully I will hear something soon about adopting these cats :)

March 23, 2020

I Ran Hard Today


The title of this post is extremely anti-climactic. But it's kind of a big deal for me--I haven't been running at all lately, even after running three times a week for three months in a row (October through December). My last run was January 3rd.

And my last HARD run? I honestly have no idea! I got so used to doing MAF training that I just didn't even remember what it felt like to run hard. 

I had absolutely no plans of running today. I wanted to get some work done, or at least just feel productive. My printer has been offline, which is driving me crazy, so I tried to figure out the problem with that. That led to making storage space on my computer, which led to sorting through photos (it's never ending). 

When looking at photos, it never fails that when I see photos of myself at my goal weight I am filled with a desperate feeling--I want to be back there, or at least close, so badly! I know exactly what I need to do, and I know that I have no *real* excuses not to just do it. I literally just don't have the drive or the discipline to stick to it.

When looking at the photos today, I thought that I really should go for a run. No plans other than that--I wasn't thinking about a specific running routine or anything--just run today.

I'd been doing MAF training for such a long time and I was so tired of focusing on my heart rate. From my knowledge of running, I truly believe that heart rate training is one of the best ways to train. But mentally, I just don't want to do it right now. 

When I first started running in 2010, I began by building my distance until I was able to run for three miles. (Here is a plan I wrote that is very similar to what I did.) Once I was able to run for three miles, I tried to make myself do it a little faster each time. Even if it was only a couple of seconds, I pushed myself to get faster. (Here is my running story in a nutshell)

It worked! I don't believe it's the best way to reach your maximum potential (I believe in the 80/20 rule--80% of the time spent running per week should be at a very easy pace, and 20% should be at a hard pace), but it definitely works until you reach a certain point in training.

Today, I decided that I would run by feel--I wasn't aiming for a heart rate or pace, but I wanted to run out of the comfort zone. I wanted it to feel uncomfortable, like I really wanted to stop--but then I'd continue to run for two miles. (I could've done three, but I haven't pushed myself to run hard in a long time, so I decided two was good for a start.)

I almost gave up before I started. I wanted to run on the treadmill, not outside. My iPad was totally dead, and I plugged it into the charger but it was taking a while to charge enough to turn it on. (I use it to watch TV while I run.)

While I waited for my iPad to charge, I grabbed a packet of photos that I'd gotten developed a few months ago. They are all photos that motivate me to want to try to get my weight under control again. My "thin" photos ;) 

I quickly grabbed six of them that I liked and I taped them to a piece of paper. Since I hate seeing the very slow going distance tick away on the console of the treadmill, I taped the paper over the numbers on the treadmill. And then if I felt like quitting, I could look at those photos and hopefully keep going.


It's kind of dumb, I know, but hey--whatever works!

Finally, my iPad was charged enough to start. Then, when I found the show 24 on Amazon Prime (which is what I'd been watching while running October-December) I noticed that it wasn't free anymore on Prime! I was super bummed. I had no idea what show to start. I like shows that are action packed when I'm on the 'mill. Dramas are too slow-moving.

I spent way too much time trying to find something--anything--to watch, but eventually, I settled on Bloodline on Netflix. I'd started that show when it first came out, but quit watching after a few episodes for some reason or another. 

I FINALLY started the treadmill. I hit 5.0 mph, but when I realized that felt kind of comfortable, I bumped up the speed (I think I ended up at 5.7-5.8, but I wasn't watching). 

It was hard!! I could've gone a little faster, but I didn't want to completely burn out before I hit two miles, and since it's been so long since I pushed myself, I wasn't sure when that would be. I was definitely very uncomfortable at that pace, which was my goal. I felt like I was working hard.

I wanted to stop, but I knew I could finish.

I have to say, it felt really good to breathe hard and sweat and feel like I was really DOING SOMETHING. I ran until the treadmill hit 2.00 miles (my Garmin distance/pace was WAY off, so I had to change the distance later). When I saw that my pace was under 11:00/mi, I was really happy about that! My heart rate definitely proved I was working hard...

My MAF heart rate is 142 bpm, and for this run, I was over 160 bpm for all but five minutes or so of the run. Overall I ran 2 miles in 21:36... a 10:48/mile pace.

When I was running 8-minute miles in 2016, I never thought I'd be thrilled to huff and puff through a 10:-something mile one day, but I'm actually feeling really good about it. I'm starting where I am TODAY, not where I was in 2016.

For the rest of the day, I've had what I affectionately call "runner's lung". This happens when I do a particularly hard run. It makes me cough kind of frequently for the rest of the day, especially when I take a deep breath. When I have runner's lung, I'm reminded all day that I worked hard. It feels good!

I have 30 weeks to train for the Detroit Free Press Half Marathon. I'm glad I have so much time--especially considering how hard it felt today! But today's run made me realize that I can't waste those 30 weeks. I can technically train for a half-marathon in 12 weeks, but I'm not in the shape to do that right now. I'm going to take advantage of these 30 weeks.

Today made me feel excited to do it!

March 22, 2020

Changing the Family Dynamic (due to social distancing)

"Social Distancing"...

This is an actual phrase now! How odd is that? Taken out of context, it seems like such a negative (a nicer way of saying "anti-social", I guess).

It feels so odd that this what we are doing right now. For some of us (introverts), it's great! For others (extroverts) it's incredibly boring.

I was chatting with my sister on the phone and she mentioned that she wonders how this "social distancing" is going to change the family dynamic overall.

Families are being forced to slow down--no more sports, clubs, and activities one after another for kids after school. Families staying together for most of the time, with limited options of what to do.

I love seeing pictures from Brian and Becky showing what they're up to with the kiddos...



They were fishing in their pond and they've been doing lots of nature walks. Because Brian is a pilot, and the airlines are flying about half as much as they used to, Brian has been able to spend more time at home with the fam :)

I have actually really enjoyed the time of "social distancing" with the family so far. I understand that there are SO many people who have temporarily lost their jobs and I feel awful about that. We are lucky that Jerry is still working (for now). His hours have been cut down (no overtime) but we are thankful that he is still able to work.

But in terms of being at home with the kids, we've really liked getting to spend so much time with them. All of us have been doing things we personally enjoy, and then we spend time together as a family each day as well.

I have been working on projects in the garage. I made my first project with my table saw, and I want to share a picture, but the paint is still drying. It's frustrating--I painted it DAYS ago, but because of the weather, the paint just isn't drying. A couple of days ago, it was 60 degrees! And right now, we have half an inch of snow on our porch.

Whenever it's cold or humid, the paint takes forever to dry in the garage. This summer, I'd like to work on insulating the walls of the garage and adding drywall. But we are holding off on spending any extra money until after this virus passes over. But here are a couple of progress photos... hopefully I'll be able to share the finished photos tomorrow!




Any ideas of what it is? ;)  Some days, it's SO cold in the garage. I have Reynaud's syndrome in my feet pretty bad, and my toes look like this when I come inside...


(I have to blur my ladybug tattoo, because it is old and ugly and when I post photos on here, I always get emails telling me that I should have "that mole" checked out! hahaha) But anyway, my skin is crazy dry and my toes turn translucent when they are cold.

I also went to Nathan's to work on removing his popcorn ceiling (although he just told me that he wants me to stay away for a while because a couple of people that he works with have tested positive for COVID-19).

Eli has been practicing his Rubik's Cube skills like crazy--today, he hit a new personal record of 37 seconds. That's doing the 3x3x3 cube... ONE HANDED. The kid is amazing, I swear!

Noah plays a lot of videos games, but that's how he connects with his friends. He's asked me several times to be able to get together with friends and I've said no--I feel bad about it, but I want to make sure we do our part to stop the spread of the virus.

In the evenings, when Jerry is home, we play a board game and then watch a movie, usually. Yesterday, I taught everyone how to play Hearts (the card game) and they really liked it. I was surprised (and happy!) when the kids asked about playing it some more.

After playing Hearts, we watched The Bourne Identity. Today, we played Scattergories and then watched the second Bourne movie.

Jerry was off work today and in the morning, we were just going to watch an episode of something or other while we drank coffee and ate breakfast. Well, we started watching a documentary series on Netflix called Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem, and Madness.

Holy cow!! We couldn't stop watching it. It was like a train wreck... on Jerry Springer... with lots of true crime thrown in.

It just seemed so unbelievable... but it was true! Even if I wanted to spoil it for you, I couldn't. It's too hard to describe what it's about. But if you like true crime and you like crazy, dramatic entertainment with lots of twists, then you should watch it.

We ended up binge watching the series (seven episodes!) today. We were so enthralled that we just couldn't stop.

Anyway, I totally strayed from the point of what I was going to write about. I guess I just realized that social distancing has a big effect on families (or at least it has on mine). And it's been a positive change! We've spent a lot of time together. We used to do a family game night once or twice a week, but now it's been every day. The same goes for family movie night.

I've asked a few friends how this social distancing has affected their families, and it's been pretty much the same. They've spent more time together.

My brother, Brian, called yesterday just to see how things are going. That never happens anymore! Usually, everyone is in such a busy rush that we send quick texts here and there. But I've spoken to my siblings on the phone more this week than I have in a year! It's so different, in a good way.

I think it's great that families are spending more time together and things are slowing down--it's not a big rush to grab a quick dinner and fly out the door for sports or other activities. Now, it feels like we have the time to do activities that we enjoy.

It's scary that we don't know what's going to happen even a day or two into the future and that we can't make real plans for the months ahead of time. It's VERY scary seeing the economy the way it is, and that people are losing jobs and that we don't know how long this is going to last. But in the meantime, it's a great reason to take a break from reality and to spend time with family, doing things that we ordinarily wouldn't make time for. (Teaching the family to play Hearts was time-consuming... but they really liked it and now they want to play more!)

What have you all been doing during the "social distancing" that is recommended? I admit, I've watched too much TV over the past week, but I honestly don't feel guilty about it. I never do this! I never take the time to be "lazy" without feeling guilty. I always wish that I could just stop time for a little while to catch up on things.

I'm not saying that I'm actually "catching up", but I am definitely feeling less stressed. I don't have tons of appointments to keep, I'm not driving the kids all over the place, and we don't have places to be. It's just such an odd feeling! But nice :)


March 21, 2020

The Reality That "Weight Loss Success Stories" Don't Tell You



Today, something showed up on my Facebook feed--a memory from 2014. It was a photo of Woman's World Magazine. Yours truly was on the cover, advertising a full spread of my weight loss secrets.

Looking at it now, it's kind of embarrassing. Even at the time, I cringed a little at the dramatic way they flaunted my "success" at losing weight.

What the heck is "success", anyway?

I lost 125 pounds, gained some pounds, lost some pounds, gained quite a few pounds, lost quite few pounds to reach my lowest adult weight, gained too much back to reach my highest weight in 10 years... the magazine only shows the one small part of my story.

I can't even be specific when I write how much I gained and lost each time over the last 10 years. I simply don't know! Yes, I lost a lot of weight. I guess that's considered a "success story". But when does it end? At what point am I considered a "success"?

I thought I was a weight loss success story when I hit my goal weight and stayed there for a few months. I thought that I had it figured out, that I could stay within a small range. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to, but I thought that if I felt the pressure, I'd be able to do it. Especially considering how public my weight loss had become.

As we all know, I never did figure it out. Even after 10 years, I'm working on it. I'm still down 80+ pounds from my starting weight, but I honestly can't tell you if I'll be up 10, 20, even 30 pounds next year! Or, maybe I'll be back down to my goal. I don't know.

All I can tell you is that losing weight is fucking hard. Mentally, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

Looking at this cover of Woman's World, it advertises that I lost weight by "eating Pop-Tarts, peanut butter, ice cream, and cookies!" (with the exclamation point).

True. I did eat those things.


What it doesn't tell you is that I ate about one-half to one-third of my previous portions of food, that I struggled with binge eating disorder, that sometimes I got so pissed off at the world for not being able to just eat whateverthefuckiwantedwheneveriwanted and that I had anxiety about eating too much or not knowing how many calories were in the food I was eating.

I even had nightmares--literally--about eating too much food and gaining weight.

The "success stories" that we read only tell a small part of the story. I used to read them all the time for inspiration, and it seemed like it was so easy. Just eat less food, swap out some high calorie foods for lower calorie foods, and exercise. Soon, you'll be a tiny size 2 and you'll run a sub-4:00 marathon. You'll lose your urge to overeat and you'll love choosing carrots over ice cream! (Exclamation point)

(I'll include a link to a PDF at the bottom of this post if you want to read the article)

I don't want this to sound cynical, because maybe it actually does work that way for some people. I was not one of them, however.

Here I am, 10 years later, feeling like I failed because I gained some a lot of weight back. I'm still 80+ pounds below my high weight, so why can't I feel happy about that? The magazine doesn't mention the constant battle in your mind when you lose a large amount of weight, then gain some, then lose some, etc. It doesn't go away! (At least for me.)

I don't want it to sound like I regret dropping the weight--I certainly don't! I just don't want anyone to read the "success stories" like mine and think that it ends there. That I lost weight, I'm super happy, and that I have it all under control.

Because of my blog, I've gotten to know several people who are "weight loss success stories"--some of them very well-known--and I've yet to meet one that feels they have it all figured out. Each one that I've talked to has the same feelings I do. We all feel like it's only temporary, and that a single bad day could lead to gaining every pound back.

I want to be happy with how I look now, but when I look at photos, I can't help but compare them to my photos from 2016 or 2017 when I was my thinnest. When I was 253 pounds, I would have killed to look like I do now (roughly 170 pounds--I avoid the scale these days!).

I wrote in detail about a lot of this on my post "What I Wish I Knew When I Started Losing Weight". When I started losing the weight, I had no idea I'd actually get "there"--meaning my goal weight. I had tried SO many times before and failed, so why should that time be any different?

I want to end this on a positive note, because I really don't want this post to sound negative. I really, truly, believe that all the sacrifices I made were totally worth it to lose the weight. Not just for the vain reasons, but life felt easier when I was thin. I am so glad that I did it!

I just really don't want people to see my story and think that it's all sunshine and rainbows. To sound cliché, rainbows don't appear without some rain--and trust me, there was a LOT of rain!

If you're on a weight loss journey of your own, please don't think that it's easy. Don't read those magazine stories and think that the person's journey ended there. The magazines share what sells. They share the all the fun, inspiring, motivational parts of weight loss. They make it look easy.

It's not easy! But it's worth it. And even though my weight is up and I've been trying to get back to losing weight (although it's not working well), I don't ever want to give up. I felt so good when I was the "success story".


I don't care if I am considered a success story in the public again. That doesn't mean anything to me. I just want to feel like I'm living my best life--eating to live rather than eating to ease my stress or anxiety. I have good days and I have bad days. My hope is to have more good than bad.

I really want to get my weight under control again, and feel good about myself. I want to feel that "success story" that Woman's World (and other media) made me out to be. Mostly, I just want to feel healthy and live my best life!

(Here is the full Woman's World article in PDF form if you're interested in reading it)

March 20, 2020

A Follow-Up From Peanut Butter & Co. (and my favorite ways to eat their peanut butter!)


(I just want to preface this by saying that this is NOT a sponsored post--I had written a complaint about this peanut butter, the company followed up, sent me some replacement products, and these are my thoughts. I was not asked to write a follow up, but I wanted to share!)

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how I used to LOVE Peanut Butter & Co.'s peanut butter. My favorite flavors were the White Chocolate Wonderful, Dark Chocolate Dreams, and especially Cinnamon Raisin Swirl.

The Cinnamon Raisin Swirl was the BEST (although I tend to pick out most of the raisins, haha) because of its texture--it was gritty (gritty like cookie dough--we'll pretend it's not from sugar). It wasn't too thick, wasn't too thin, and had great flavor.

And then the last couple of times I bought it, it was terrible. Super runny, no flavor, even the color was very pale (I showed side by side pics on this post)

I noticed the same thing with the other flavors, too. The White Chocolate Wonderful was my go-to for oatmeal, but the new jars I had bought were so bad I just had to throw them away. Nobody in the house liked it.

Eli used to love the Dark Chocolate Dreams flavor, but he wouldn't eat it anymore because of the changes.

I knew that PB&Co. had to have changed their recipe or something, because buying these from multiple locations and time periods took those variables away.

Anyway, I wrote a post about it and I shared photos of the differences in texture. My sister is the one who introduced me to the White Chocolate Wonderful flavor, and when she read my blog post, she texted me right away to agree that the last jars she bought were terrible. So, I knew it wasn't just me.

I tweeted the post to Peanut Butter & Co. on Twitter, and they messaged me a reply:



Naturally, I said yes! I was REALLY hoping that the peanut butter actually had changed back to the "normal" stuff I was used to eating for so long.

And a couple of weeks later, I got a package in the mail from PB&Co with six jars of peanut butter--two of each of my favorite flavors! They also included an adorable spoon that says "My Peanut Butter Spoon".




I opened the jars immediately to give them a taste and see if they were back to normal. And I was thrilled to see that they were back! I toasted a piece of Dave's Killer Bread and added a thick layer of Cinnamon Raisin Swirl. I was so happy that I even left the raisins in it ;)



The "Best By" dates on these jars are Sept 2021 or later, so if you're going to buy some, I would look for dates around then or later.

If you're looking for a DEEEElicious combination, try making these Banana Oat Bran Muffins--split them in half and then top each half with some of the Cinnamon Raisin Swirl peanut butter. The muffins are only 137 calories each, so topped with some peanut butter, the calories aren't crazy high. (In the muffins below, I also added blueberries to the recipe)



Anyway, I looked through some of my Instagram food log photos and I found some pictures that show how I like to eat the different flavors:

An apple, quartered, with Cinnamon Raisin Swirl...



A Sierra Trail Mix CLIF Bar with Dark Chocolate Dreams...



A Peanut Butter Chocolate Larabar with Dark Chocolate Dreams... (the calories here include the mug of tea with cream and sugar, so it's a little higher than the others)



Coconut Chocolate Chip Larabar with Dark Chocolate Dreams...



Peanut Butter Cookie Larabar with White Chocolate Wonderful...



Oatmeal with White Chocolate Wonderful...



Toast with Cinnamon Raisin Swirl... (Note that I don't exactly swirl the raisins into it! I wish that this flavor was simply Cinnamon Swirl, but I'll deal--it's just too good)



And a super yummy treat--I was craving cookie dough, and while this isn't exactly "healthy", it's much healthier than actual cookie dough! I combined raw oats (quick cooking works best, because you don't cook them) + White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter + mini chocolate chips. (I can't remember how much of each I used, sorry! I would guess 1/3 cup oats, 2 Tbsp peanut butter, and 1 Tbsp chocolate chips?)



Thank you to Peanut Butter & Co. for showing me the love--I'm thrilled to be able to add your peanut butter back to my breakfasts and snacks!


March 19, 2020

My Favorite True Crime Podcasts


It's no secret that I love true crime, and after yesterday's post about my own "true crime" experience, a few people asked me about what my favorite true crime podcasts are.

When I was working on remodeling the house over about nine months, I spent nine hours a day working on it. I would listen to podcast after podcast, and I definitely found some favorites! I binged those ones until I had heard every episode, and now I look forward to each new one.

From what I listen to, there are two types: The first is where a narrator (or two) read from a script telling stories about true crime; the other is where the host(s) explains the details of a true crime, in his/her own words. Most of the time, if there are two hosts, they will spend some time bantering.

I just choose whichever type I'm in the mood for at the moment. But anyway, here are my favorites and some commentary about them (in no particular order)...


1) Sword & Scale


This is a controversial one for a couple of reasons regarding the host, Mike Boudet. I don't want to get into the controversy because that doesn't affect how I feel about the podcast.

I really like the host's voice, and he is an entertaining story teller. He doesn't sugar-coat details, however, and he talks about some really terrible crimes--so, it's not for the faint of heart. And there is some bad language in this one, just FYI.

It's funny, when I listen to a past episode (sometimes I'll go back and listen to old ones) I can remember exactly what part of the house I was working on when I heard it, haha.

Anyway, his style of podcasting is basically telling the detailed story of a crime, interjecting with some thoughts of his own; he includes a lot of 911 calls and interviews as well.

There are lots of episodes of Sword & Scale, so if you enjoy it, it'll last a long time! I would suggest starting with the earlier episodes before it became controversial. Boudet's personality gets more cynical after the incident.


2) Morbid


I actually found this one accidentally, and it was quite the coincidence. I was searching for new true crime podcasts and I noticed one had an episode about Chelsea Bruck, which caught my eye. If you don't remember, Chelsea Bruck was a young woman who went missing from a Halloween party just a few miles from my house. It was a big deal, drawing national attention. I shared a little about it when it happened.

Anyway, I was very interested to listen to it, and I ended up LOVING the podcast. I adore the hosts (two women who are aunt/niece--Alaina and Ash, respectively). They exchange a lot of fun banter.

Just beware that the language in this one is not exactly for children's ears. There is a lot of swearing. Sometimes I think it's overkill, but I still enjoy listening. Lately, I haven't loved it as much as I used to--as they've gotten very popular, they do a lot of live shows (which I don't like to listen to) and they do a lot of talking before getting to the point. They get off topic a lot as well.

Lately, they've been doing a lot of two and three part episodes, which drives me crazy. I want to be able to listen to the whole story without waiting a week or two between episodes. Even more confusing, they will put some random episodes in between those.

However, if listening to this, I would start at the very first episode of the show and work your way forward. Or hey, start with the episode about Chelsea Bruck! That one stands out to me because it was so close to home.


3) Crime Junkie


Again, this one had some controversy (stating that the host was plagiarizing other podcasts). I didn't notice anything like that, and I didn't let it bother me. I did notice that the host has started stating her sources much more clearly, though.

Anyway, I really love the host of this one (Ashley). She has a co-host, Brit, who seems a little out place. Ashley does most of the talking (she's reading a script, but it sounds very natural and casual) and Brit will interject occasionally with something rather odd. Regardless, I like them and I really love their podcast. Ashley is a great story teller!


4) True Crime All The Time


This one has two male hosts, both named Mike--Mike Ferguson and Mike Gibson, affectionately called Fergie and Gibby)--and I adore their very different personalities. They banter a lot, but I really love that they stay on topic for the most part. One of my biggest peeves is when the hosts get way off topic, so I like that it's not an issue for this one.

They take a more light-hearted approach to the stories, but they still keep it very respectful and they don't joke about sensitive matters. Their language isn't an issue in this--I think there might be an occasional "damn" or something, but it's not out of place and certainly not excessive.

I really enjoy this podcast because the episodes tend to be longer and they tell a LOT of facts about the cases (they seem very well researched). I also love the banter while they discuss the cases, even while keeping to the subject. There are a lot of episodes of this--well over 100--so it's a great binge-listen!


5) The Minds of Madness


This one is quite different from the others I've mentioned. The host is a man named Tyler, and the entire episode is scripted. The host doesn't interject with commentary or opinions. He states the facts of cases in a story-telling manner. I really like these episodes because they are well-researched and cover interesting cases.

If you read the reviews of this podcast, lots of people mention the male narrator's voice. Some people hate it, some people love it. It's very deep and some may say that it's monotone. I realize I'm making this podcast sound incredibly boring, but I really do love it! It's at least worth giving it a try. I love that with a scripted podcast, there is no straying from the point.

The host also delves into the past of the criminal, which sheds some light on what may lead them to commit such terrible crimes.


6) Serial Killers


This one reminds me a lot of The Minds of Madness, only there are two hosts. The hosts are Greg and Vanessa, and they tell a scripted story. Greg tells most of the story, while Vanessa discusses the psychology of the case based on research. She usually discusses the past of the murder and how they grew up. The hosts never stray from the story, which is great, and the episodes aren't super long (about 35 to 45 minutes).


7) Criminology


This podcast is also an unscripted one with some banter between the hosts (ALSO both named Mike--and one of them is Mike Ferguson from True Crime All the Time). It actually reminds me a lot of True Crime All the Time, but I don't think that the dynamic between the hosts on Criminology is a great as TCATT. Still, the cases are well-researched, and the story telling is great!



Well, there they are--my favorites! I've found that as podcasts get more popular, I tend to like them less and less. For example, when I listened to the first dozen or so episodes of My Favorite Murder, I loved it! But eventually, they started spending 30 minutes or more chatting at the beginning of the show, and I really just want to hear about the crimes. I feel like this is starting to happen with Morbid, which is a bummer!

Anyone have suggestions for more true crime podcasts? Please share! I'm always looking for new ones. :)


March 18, 2020

My Own (Stupid) True Crime Experience (a writing prompt)


This is something I've been wanting to write about ever since it happened, but I think I've just been embarrassed about my naivety about the whole situation. Looking back, I just think how stupid it was of me!

Now I'm second guessing myself--maybe I did write about this? I can't remember. Sorry if you've already read about it.

I don't have any photos to share for this post, so I'll just include this photo of Joey judging me for my naivety. We call Joey "The Sheriff" because of the way he (tries to) keep the cats in line. This is his serious "sheriff" face when he asks a tough question.



The following incident happened before I got really into true crime podcasts, so I'll use that as a bit of an excuse for my actions ;)

So, a few years ago, it was nighttime (I think about 9:00 pm--I remember it was dark outside.) Jerry went out front with Joey to let him go pee, and a minute later, I heard him talking to someone. He came inside to get our phone and said there was a girl outside that needed to make a call.

I looked outside, and she looked about 15 years old or so. I told her to come in and of course she could use the phone. She had a small backpack with her, and she seemed flustered. She made a few calls, but nobody picked up on the other end. She asked if we could give her a ride to a nearby neighborhood (about five miles away).

I didn't want Jerry doing it, because being an adult man driving a teen girl... well, who knows what she might say later? We didn't know her. So, I said I would drive her (we'll call her Jessica--I don't remember her real name). She got in the car and as we drove down the street, I noticed flashlights in the woods/marsh across the street from my house. She seemed nervous about it, and I asked her if everything was okay.

She replied that she and her friend (we'll call her friend "Rachel") were going to another friend's house, because Rachel's stepdad was abusing Rachel. I can't remember all the details now, but she told me the story about the abuse and that they were going to go to another friend's house until Rachel's stepdad calmed down. She said she got separated from her Rachel, and that Rachel's stepdad was out looking for her.

When I turned the car onto the road that leaves the peninsula, I noticed two police cars parked on the side of the road with their lights on. She kind of panicked and ducked down to the floor in front of the seat. I got pretty uncomfortable at that point, but I wasn't driving her far (it was walkable, but I didn't think she should be walking that far at night by herself, so I wanted to help--besides, the abuse story made me feel bad).

She said Rachel's stepdad had called the police to look for her, so they were searching the woods. I continued to the neighborhood and Jessica directed me to her friend's house. She wanted to use my phone (and of course the battery was nearly dead). She wasn't able to get a hold of anyone as we were idling outside of the house. And then the phone died.

A truck heading toward us threw her into a panic. She ducked down again and said, "Go go go!" directing me to drive away. At that point, I just wanted her out of my car. I had no idea what was going on, but it was really making me uncomfortable. She was in a panic and kept telling to just drive. As it turns out, it was Rachel's stepdad in his truck, looking for his stepdaughter.

Finally, she told me to take her to a different house. She said it was a family that she used to live with a couple of years prior. I dropped her off and made sure she made it inside before I left.

(Now, I know you're all seeing this as sheer stupidity on my part! In retrospect, I totally agree with you.)

I was relieved that the whole situation was over! I just wanted to go home.

An hour or so later, I got a call from a boy who said he was Jessica's boyfriend. He kept thanking me for bringing her over there, saying that he was super worried about her when no one had heard from her. I felt a little relieved after that, knowing that she was at least with someone familiar and out of danger.

Well, a few days later, I saw a post on Facebook--a friend had shared a "missing" flyer on her wall, and I recognized the girl as "Jessica". My stomach dropped and my heart was pounding and I was in utter shock. It said she was missing since that night I'd picked her up. I couldn't believe that I might have been the last person to see her. And I even gave her a ride.

I immediately called the police--the number on the flyer--and talked to the detective who was handling the case. He asked me a bunch of questions about where I dropped her off, and he said he would look into it. He seemed a little angry with me when I told him all that had happened.

As I'm sure you've guessed by now, there was no "Rachel". Jessica had made up that story about her "friend" so that I wouldn't suspect that she was running away and that the police were looking for her. What the detective told me was that she got in an argument with her stepdad and while she was in her bedroom, she cut the screen in her window and ran away. The stepdad called the police, who came to look for her.

And I, like a total idiot, drove her out of there!

The detective called me later and thanked me (he also apologized for sounding harsh at my ignorance). He said they checked the house that I described and that they found her. She was sent to a juvenile detention facility, because I guess she'd been in trouble before.

A few days later, Jerry was doing yard work when he found a bag in the bushes at our house. It was a canvas bag with a drawstring. We opened it and there were clothes as well as a couple of framed photos--Jessica was in the photos, so I'm assuming she was taking them with her as mementos when running away.

I'm guessing that when she saw the cops looking for her, she dropped one of her bags in the bushes to come back for later. I called the detective again, and he came to pick up the bag. He said that Jessica was a trouble teen and very manipulative.

I still wonder about this sometimes... what if she was telling the truth about the abuse? When I asked the detective about it, he said that if I suspect abuse, I should tell the police because they would handle it.

However, I've called CPS a couple of times and it was never handled. I witnessed a little boy being beaten at a Walmart and I called the police (I wrote down the license plate number, and after waiting over an hour, the police showed up). The police didn't take it seriously at all--they assumed that it was "just a spanking" or something, and looked at me like I was just stupid. But the father (I'm assuming it was his father) was punching the boy in the back as the boy lay on the ground curled up and covering his head.

That's fucking abuse. Straight up.

(I wrote the story about it on my blog here)

A couple of summers ago, I called the police again about a little boy that wandered to our house to ask for water because he was locked out of his house (this was about 8PM). The police came and didn't do anything--they took the boy home, said the house reeked of urine (just like the little boy did--he was covered in either dirt or bruises, I couldn't tell which, and he smelled terrible) but that because there was food in the house, he couldn't really do anything.

I was so mad. I called CPS and they took a long time asking me questions. A few weeks later, I got a letter in the mail from CPS saying that the family was already brought to their attention by a few other people and that they were "looking into it". (I didn't write much detail on this, because of the sensitivity of the case, but you can read the gist here)

This is totally off topic, but a follow up about the boy who came looking for water. A couple of months later, I was cleaning the garage (all the doors open) when I saw him dart from his backyard to the neighbor's yard and hide behind a tree. Then he ran across the alleyway to our house and ducked into the garage with me really quickly.

He was very interested in what I was doing (sweeping) and said he would help me clean. I told him no, he doesn't have to help me clean, but there were some Army guys (toys) that he could play with if he wanted. He told me that he can't let his grandma see him playing, so he wondered if he could play with them in the garage. I told him that was fine.

Noah and Eli came out to the garage to get a popsicle from the freezer and I asked the boy if he wanted one. He looked really indecisive and finally asked me if I had any "clear" ones. I was confused, and asked what he meant. He said that he didn't want any color to be on his mouth because his grandma would be really mad at him for having a popsicle and she'd wonder where he got it. My heart just broke for him. (He was so young--too young to worry about that!)

I gave him a pink one, which was practically clear, and I said that I'd make sure it wasn't on his mouth when he went home. He kept asking me if I wanted him to help me clean, because his grandma made him clean the house and he was "really good at it".

I didn't see him again after that. Their yard was always very unkempt with random toys everywhere, and they had dogs that would run loose, but I didn't see the kids.

Anyway, that was a big tangent from my post. I just wanted to write that I don't have confidence in the police or CPS when it comes to these situations. (Again, another reason I'd love to be a foster parent!)

So, the story of Jessica is my own "true crime" story--and I'm so glad it ended okay. I can't imagine if she had been kidnapped or murdered or something horrible like that. I certainly learned a lesson that day, and will act differently if anything like that should ever happen again.

I do have one other true crime story, but it's a doozie, and I'm not sure how to write about it. I will work on it during this "social distancing" if I can and post it later.

Anyone else have an interesting "true crime" story that relates to you? I am obsessed with true crime, and I'd love to read about it!

March 17, 2020

A Quote That Speaks to Me (a writing prompt)

This is going to be short, because I am SO TIRED. I don't know why; lately, I've been forcing myself to go to bed by 1:00 AM, still feeling wide awake. Well, it may have caught up to me today. So, I chose a writing prompt that speaks a lot for itself:

Share a quote that speaks to me and explain why...

I have saved several quotes on Pinterest and on Instagram that speak to me for various reasons, so I went through some of those and found one that was really speaking to me today:


If you're on Instagram, check out @behaviorhack. Lots of inspiring quotes to live by!

I think this quote stuck out to me today because I've been feeling the opposite lately. I remember the days when I worked my ass off to get into shape and I really did feel on top of the world--like it was a superpower.

I remember on my long run days, I would take full advantage of the rest of the day by relaxing and not feeling the slightest bit guilty for lying on the couch and watching Netflix. I felt like I earned it!

Now, I'm feeling quite the opposite. I'm very much out of shape, and I know what I need to do in order to get back in shape, but I just cannot, for the life of me, find the self-discipline that I used to have. But I would love to have that superpower feeling again, and the only way to get that is to put in the work.

As for rest... I've been less active now than I have in the past 10 years. And so when I do rest, even after a very busy day, I don't feel any sort of peace. The rest doesn't feel good like it used to--instead, I just don't feel like I did anything to require it, so it doesn't feel relaxing at all. I'd love to have that feeling of working very hard so that when I do rest, it's actually very relaxing.

"Embrace the hard times". This one is hard to get behind ;) In the short term, sure--I can do that. But when it feels never ending, it's really hard to see the finish line.

However, I DO want to remember the hard times so that when things do get better (and I trust they will) the good times really WILL feel that much greater.

Now, I'm off to a (hopefully) relaxing and restful sleep! (I did great with calorie counting today; it makes me feel good to go to bed with that knowledge under my belt.)

Featured Posts

Blog Archive