TUTORIAL: How To Design and Hand Paint a Wooden Sign

I promise to try to get started next week with posting more regularly--the themed posts I mentioned in my last blog post. Now that I've been feeling better, I've been trying to catch up on things that I had lost focus of for a while. It's been nice getting back into the groove, and feeling excited about things again, but I've been busy! I've put the blog on the back burner, but I hope to put more focus on it soon.

I recently made a gift for John and Ric (whose house I stayed at in San Diego) as a thank you for hosting me.

John and Ric host people a lot, and they are truly just the kindest people. A few years ago, their friend broke her leg, and couldn't drive back home to L.A., so she ended up staying with John and Ric for several weeks. She told her mom that she was at the "Sanchez Hulsey Brothers of Mercy Recovery Center" (Sanchez is Ric's last name, and Hulsey is John's). Even though it was a joke, her mom then sent a care package addressed to the recovery center.

Since then, John and Ric "check in" to their house on social media as the "Sanchez Hulsey Brothers of Mercy Recovery Center". And it was very fitting for me, then, when I went there to take a breather from my depression. I literally felt like I was going there to recover--like rehab, but without the addiction part. So, you can see why I made this gift, then:

It's just a simple wooden sign that I painted blue and then lettered in "Sanchez Hulsey Brothers of Mercy Recovery Center" with white. I love how it turned out!

Making it wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped it would be. My original thought was that I would use stencils and spray paint. But I would have to make a stencil first, which would be the hard part. I watched a couple of YouTube tutorials, and was totally overwhelmed. I bought the stuff to make the stencil, and it wasn't working out very well. First, I had to design it in a Photoshop-like program (I use one called Gimp). I had to adjust it to be just the right size, which was harder than anticipated, because the sign was larger than your average 8.5x11 sheet of paper.

Once I started cutting out the stencil, I had so many problems with it that I just gave up. I started researching ordering a sign online, but I knew it would mean more to John if it was handmade. I looked up how to paint a wood sign on YouTube, and watched several tutorials. I finally decided to try one that seemed really hokey, but I was desperate. And it actually worked!

You need just a few simple things to make it:

• Computer and printer (you could freestyle it, but my writing isn't that neat)
• Scissors
• Pencil and sharpener
• Piece of wood for the sign (I bought a plain piece that was shaped already, but not painted or stained or anything like that).
• Spray paint for the background
• Small bottle of acrylic paint for the lettering
• A tiny paintbrush (I had to use a very small one in order to keep the letters from blending together)
• Masking tape, or other gentle tape

First, use the spray paint to paint the entire board. I set my board on a piece of cardboard and brought it outside. I sprayed two coats, and it was dry within minutes.

Next, you need to measure your sign and make a template on the computer. You could use Word or some program like it, but I chose to use Gimp. Design on the computer to make it look how you want it on the sign. When choosing a font, you might want to think about how easy it will be to paint. If there is a ton of very tiny detail, it'll be more difficult than a font like Impact, for example.

Once your template looks how you want it, then print it out. If necessary, you can cut the words out to arrange them on the board. Just make sure you leave enough space around each word to work with.

When it all fits on the board how you want it, turn the papers over and scribble with the pencil all over where the words would be. You don't need to cover the entire back side of the paper; but make sure that the pencil covers the whole back surface of each letter. (You may have to sharpen your pencil a few times). It doesn't have to be dark scribbling--a light touch worked surprisingly well.

Once the backside of the template is covered with pencil, flip it back over and set it on the board in the exact spot that you want it to be. Use a few pieces of masking tape to keep it in place.

Using a sharp pencil, trace the outline of each letter (again, you don't have to press hard). What this does is use the lead scribbling as a "transfer paper"--so, when you trace those letters with your pencil, the lead from the scribbling gets transferred to the board.

When you are done tracing the letters, you can take the papers off of the board. You'll notice that you have the outline of each letter on the board!

From there, you can take your time dipping the paint brush in a little bit of paint, and carefully tracing and filling in the letters with paint. If you have a steady hand, this will be no problem at all (my hand is terribly shaky, but even I managed to keep the paint in the lines). It took me a couple of hours, but I was thrilled with how good the lettering turned out! I NEVER could have done that freehand.

This was actually much easier than using stencils, and I enjoyed it more, too. I sat down and watched a movie on Netflix while taking my time painting. I am thrilled with how it turned out. And it was so fun that it makes me want to make more now, too! haha.

I've been excited for John to get it so that I could post about it here. Thankfully, John and Ric really liked it, so I'm happy :)

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Big goals and plans!

Why, oh why, is the time going by so quickly?! I cannot believe that it's been a week since I've been home from California. I don't feel like I've been insanely busy, but looking back over the week, I guess I have been.

I've been doing really well as far as my depression goes. I still feel the effects of it, but I am actively working on making plans and doing things that will make me happier in the long run. I know I've been writing a lot about my depression lately, but it felt like it was all-consuming for a while. There are a lot of people who have expressed that they are grateful that I've been openly discussing it, so I wanted to write candidly about it. Now, I am hoping that I'll be writing more and more about feeling better and getting back to the "normal" groove I strive for.

I've been thinking a lot about what exactly caused this tailspin last year. I felt on top of the world a year ago, and everything took such a drastic turn. I was at my lowest weight (about 121 pounds) a year ago, and I was training SO hard for my 10K. I was regularly running sub-8:00 miles, and feeling fantastic about it.

I don't write this now to dwell on the changes, but rather to hopefully see what happened to cause the change. I've finally narrowed it down to my first therapist. I started therapy last spring, because I was having panic attacks almost daily and my anxiety was terrible (the depression was almost nonexistent a year ago). I ran my 10K in April, crushing my goal and finishing in 49:03. Then, I had no idea what to do next.

I did it!! Now what?!

I mentioned to the therapist that I have always been a goal-oriented person. I set a goal, and do my best to complete it--and I love setting goals! The therapist told me that I should try to be content with my life without always having a goal. She said that I needed to learn how to just be content as-is, because what if I can't set goals one day--would it send me into a tailspin?

Well, in retrospect, I should have listened to my gut feeling and continued to do what worked for me for so long. There is nothing wrong with having goals! By not setting any new goals, I felt lost and unmotivated. I started skipping more and more runs, simply because I wasn't training for a race or anything.

I kept hoping that I would eventually feel motivated to take care of myself even without having a goal of some sort, but it never happened. I put on a lot of weight very quickly last summer, but without a goal in the fall, I had no plan in place to take the weight back off.

One thing that I am very grateful for is that I had an epiphany about my summer weight gain. I no longer feel ashamed of it, and I don't panic about it. I'm not embarrassed to to post photos of myself at this weight anymore. I don't enjoy being a higher weight, of course, and I'm actively trying to take it off; but, I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed anymore, either. I'd say that's a big improvement!

Anyway, I think the therapist's advice to stop making goals was definitely the wrong plan for me. I know what she was going for, and she had good intentions, but my personality thrives on goals. So, I started a bullet journal for my goals and to track my way back to goal weight and being in shape. (My current therapist agrees that goals are the way I get things done, and I thrive that way).

Since I am SUPER excited about going to Vegas in November to meet up with a ton of From Fat to Finish Line fans, my main focus is to be happy with my appearance and my physical condition when I go on the trip. There are 38 weeks until the Vegas trip, which is plenty of time to accomplish this. Ideally, I'd like to weigh about 125 for that race (I'll be running the half-marathon, and while I don't care to set a time goal, I'd like to feel great during the race).

I weighed in on my fancy new scale Wednesday:

I've been at this weight for about a month now, I think. (In case anyone is wondering, the new scale is the Health O Meter Professional 349KLX digital floor scale (Amazon affiliate link). It was definitely a splurge, as it was pretty expensive--but considering how much I use it, and that having a nice one would make me more motivated, it was worth it. I love it! And I'll never have to buy a scale again.)

So, my "if all the stars align" goal is to weigh 125 by November 9th. That would mean losing about 0.87 pounds per week, which is totally do-able. Of course, all the medication changes lately could have any number of consequences on my weight, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. My actual goal weight is 133, and not 125, but I've realized that I do better when I aim bigger than when I aim smaller. So, even if I "only" get down to 140 or 135, I will still be very happy with that.

Right now, I am training for the Indy Mini (13.1) in May. Once I finish that, I will pick another race to train for, just to keep myself going with goals. Indy is 12 weeks away, and training starts today! I'm following my own "Finish Strong" plan, which is a good choice for my current goal and situation.

I set up some pages in my bullet journal to get me started and motivate me to focus on my goals.

A little visual to see as I lose weight--I'll color in each
square as I reach that weight

To keep track of my weigh-ins, I like to do something that I did when I was losing the weight in 2009-2010. I calculate how much I need to lose each week in order to hit a goal by a certain time frame. Then, when I weigh in, I look to see how close I am to that goal number. I would ideally like the difference to be 0 or a negative number each week. On March 1, for example, if I weigh in at 154, the difference would be -1, because the goal for that date is 155 (meaning I'd be a pound below my goal for that date). Anyway, this is where I'll track that. I am also going to keep track of my weekly calories again. That was helpful last year when I needed to make adjustments. 

This is for a loss of one pound per week

Another reason I like to list a goal for each week ahead of time is so that I can see, "Hey, if I stay on track, I can be in the 130's by June 21!" or things like that. It helps to look ahead--kind of like on My Fitness Pal, when they tell you what you would weigh in five weeks if every day were like the current day.

I also wrote out my entire training plan for Indy, so I can color in the squares as I finish each workout. The goal is to have ALL the squares colored in, with the exception of four days that I'm allowing myself to play hooky.

Finally, I'd like to maybe do a couple of consistent blog posts each week as well. Would anyone be interested in the Motivational Monday posts again? I miss seeing all of the success stories in my inbox! If you're unfamiliar, I used to do a series on my blog called Motivational Monday. Each Monday, I would share a paragraph or two from someone who wanted to brag about a race they completed, a new PR, weight loss, trying a new activity, eating better, etc. Anything at all (health or fitness related) that someone wanted to share was fair game.

So, if you'd like to share, please send in a submission to me at MM@runsforcookies.com (MM for Motivational Monday). Please send one photo of your accomplishment, as well as 1-2 paragraphs telling us what you're proud of accomplishing. Depending on the response, I'd like to start next Monday, so please get them submitted soon! (Here is another explanation for submissions)

In addition to doing the Motivational Mondays again, I'd like to pick a couple of other consistent posts to do each week. On Wednesdays, it would be nice to get back to Wednesday Weigh-ins and a weekly recap of weight loss related stuff. I was thinking on Sundays, I could post a recap of my training/exercise for the week. Finally, I thought of doing something called "Foodie Friday" or something like that, where I will share a new recipe or food product and write a little about that.

I think by having series of different posts, I won't feel so lost as to what to write about. Having been blogging for so long, I feel like I've said everything there is to say! So, by having a consistent topic, I won't feel like I'm being redundant.

Wow, this post is much longer than I anticipated! I am feeling very excited about setting new goals and making plans for reaching them, though. I think this will help my depression a lot. Now, I'm going to head out to do my 40-minute run. I think I'll go to the state park. It's nice and sunny today!

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Plans for the year

Okay, so now that I am back home from California and I've had a few days to settle in, I need to make a plan for this year. Going on the trip made me feel excited about things again--and I haven't felt excited in a long time. I'm not saying that the trip totally cured my depression (I've done a fair share of crying the last couple of days), but it gave me hope and that's what I needed more than anything.

I went to the doctor yesterday to discuss medication again. As I wrote about a month ago, I started an additional antidepressant. I really didn't feel any different after three weeks of taking it twice a day. I was really questioning if the medication I was on for the last 15 years was even working, so I decided to stop all medication and see how I felt (fully expecting to feel worse before getting better).

I quit cold turkey, and I thought I'd have a terrible time with it, but I honestly didn't notice any change. I felt exactly the same! So, it seems that it quit working some time ago, probably because I was on it for so long.

My doctor agreed that it was time to try something new. So, as soon as it gets approved by my insurance, I'll be trying another medication. (Last time I wrote about trying something new, I got a lot of emails asking what medication I'm taking... I'd prefer not to share that, simply because I don't want people to think they should take what I'm taking. Medication is so individualized that it should really be up to our doctors to decide what we should try. Also, I don't even know if it's going to work yet.)

Anyway, going to to San Diego and hanging out with lots of From Fat to Finish Line peeps made me change my attitude a bit about running. I'm not really interested in getting faster right now, and I want to enjoy running as much as I can (for as long as I can). I did Hansons' Half-Marathon Method for a couple of weeks to start training for Indy, and I was already feeling burnt out.

I decided that I'm going to follow my own half-marathon plan (the "Finish Strong" plan). It's perfect to prepare for a half-marathon, but the training isn't crazy intense and it doesn't have so many miles that I will lose my mojo. And it starts this Monday (12 weeks out from Indy).

I changed the days of the week, so that I'll have Wednesdays and Saturdays off (I'm used to always having those two days off). So, the weekly runs will look like this:

Monday- Easy run (30-45 min)
Tuesday- Speed work (1-5 min intervals)
Wednesday- Rest
Thursday- Easy run (30-45 min)
Friday- Easy run (30-60 min)
Saturday- Rest
Sunday- Long run (4-12 miles)

I think this will be good to get me back in the routine I prefer (running five days a week, with Wednesdays and Saturdays off, and having some short runs in there). The training plan is 12 weeks, and I'm going to allow myself four "free days"--where I can decide not to run for whatever reason and not feel guilty about it. I just can't use it to skip a long run! (I have to be prepared for Indy).

As far as racing plans for the year, I don't have many. I plan to make Indy my "comeback" half-marathon, but I'm not going to be racing it hard. I want to just run for fun, maybe with a couple of people who I'm meeting, and just enjoy the race.

I would like to do more local racing or join in on some group runs. We just got a running store in my hometown, and they have group runs on Wednesdays and Saturdays (ha! My two rest days). I'd like to step out of my comfort zone and go.

I also want to focus less on numbers. Obviously, I still need to get in mileage to train, but I'm not going to worry so much about heart rate or pace. I'll just run "slow" when my schedule calls for an easy run, and "faster" when it calls for speed work. Simple!

Going to California also made me really want to travel some more. I'm going to start cutting back on unnecessary spending in order to save up money to travel more. This year is already pretty booked.
April 21: Boston to visit Caitlin
May 5: Indianapolis with Jerry and to meet up with about 15 blog readers!
May 26: Portland to visit Thomas
June 30: Upper Peninsula of Michigan with my parents and siblings
November 9: Las Vegas with Jerry and From Fat to Finish Line!

All of Jerry's vacation time is already in the books, so there won't be other trips (not that five isn't more than enough already). My sister owns some property in the far northwest part of Michigan, so we're going to stay there with her over the fourth of July. I'm really excited about it, because I love spending time with my family. And, Joey gets to come with us! Jeanie's got an enormous area (several acres, I believe) that is fenced off for her dogs, so Joey can come and hang with us.

Thinking about traveling and visiting friends has been very helpful in improving my mood. Whenever I start feeling down, I've been trying to think about a trip that I'm excited about, and it helps so much. It's funny, because I used to HATE traveling before I got over my fear of flying; and now, I look forward to it!

As far as my weight and diet, I haven't really changed plans. I'd like to get back down to my goal weight, but it's not at the top of my priority list. I'm pretty happy with how I look and feel right now, and when I saw the pictures of me in San Diego, I wasn't horrified or embarrassed ;) This is totally new to me--I always used to feel like a failure when my weight was up, but something happened this past summer that made me realize that my weight just isn't that damn important (assuming I'm still healthy and not gaining 10 pounds a month or anything! ha).

Basically, I don't want to always feel like I'm waiting to start my life until I'm at goal weight. I can do everything at this weight that I could when I was 30 pounds lighter (well, except fit into size 2 jeans!), so I might as well just live my life now. Hopefully that makes sense.

This week has flown by. I was working on a project as a gift for someone, and the time went by so quickly. I'm hoping to get it mailed out tomorrow, so once the person receives it, I will post a photo. I'm pretty excited about how it turned out! (I had to watch YouTube tutorials to figure out how to do it).

Jerry's off work tomorrow, and we are going to see a comedy show at our favorite dive bar. They've never done a show there, so I'm interested to see how it goes ;) Have a great weekend, everyone!

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California therapy

Holy smokes. What an adventurous weekend!

I will start by spoiling the ending, and saying that this trip was EXACTLY what I needed for my mental health. The day before I left, it was like a bunch of stress accumulated and came to a head, and I just had to do something. I felt like I wanted to just go to sleep and wake up a couple of months later--just put everything on hold for a while.

Of course, avoidance doesn't solve anything, but I was worried I was going to have some sort of breakdown if I didn't get a break. Thanks to a buddy pass from my brother, hopping a plane to San Diego at the last minute was a possibility, and it ended up being just what I needed to destress.

I left off my last post on Saturday morning, when we were getting ready to drive up to Huntington Beach for the Surf City Half.

Since my trip was so last minute, none of the other people going to HB knew that I was going. There were a few fans of the film that were going up for the race, and John was really excited for them to meet me.

It was fun to surprise Colin on Friday night, and he was going to be picking us up from John's. While we waited for him, Shawn showed up. Shawn is a big fan of the film, and I saw a post she wrote on Facebook that I was on her bucket list of people to meet. How fun to get to surprise her, right? ;) So, she came in to John's house, and we chatted for a little while before Colin picked us up.

Shawn is amazing, and I'm thrilled I got to meet her! She does a lot of fundraising walks, including Relay for Life and the Susan G. Komen 3-Day. For Relay for Life, she walked 55 miles around a track in about 23 hours. I can't imagine walking that far, but to do it around a track?! Just wow. Anyway, I was so impressed by her endurance.

Colin picked us up at John's, and then we drove up to Huntington Beach to meet up with everyone else (Angela and Jennifer, the producers of the film; Nora, who works for the FFTFL company; and Teri, a fan of the film and part of the FFTFL community). Everyone kept telling me that Teri was going to be crazy excited to meet me, which made me a little nervous (I always hope that I meet people's expectations of me!).

They hadn't arrived just yet, so Colin, Shawn, John, and I grabbed a quick dinner at Quizno's. Surprisingly, I've been sticking to my challenge of eating a salad every day! I had a Caesar salad and soup at Quizno's (which I later regretted because we went out to dinner with everyone else at a really nice place and I wasn't hungry!).

We went to the hotel, where we waited for the others in the lobby. It was super fun to surprise them, and I was excited to get to meet Nora and Teri. I always love seeing Angela and Jennifer, too.

Packed into the elevator at the hotel

The eight of us went to dinner at a place across the street. I didn't order anything, but I tried one of Colin's frog legs because I'd never had frog legs before (it was surprisingly really good). The owner came over and chatted with us, and we learned that he, himself, had lost 100 pounds! He was in REALLY good shape, and I never would have guessed he was once overweight, but he showed us his before picture. Very inspiring!

Dark photo, but: John, me, Shawn, Angela, Teri, Nora, Colin, and Jennifer

On the walk back to the hotel, I got a chance to talk with Teri, and she is super inspiring. She's lost a lot of weight (I can't remember exactly how much--but I want to guess 80 pounds?). She showed me her "before" picture, and I didn't even recognize her. So amazing!

Teri and me (my hair is enormous from the "heat" in California--60's, haha)

The next morning was the Surf City Half. I had been hoping to walk the race, but it was too late to register and we couldn't transfer a bib to my name. Colin wasn't doing the race, and was planning to just run eight miles on the boardwalk while the others were walking the race, so he said I could join him. That sounded like a good back-up plan to me!

I was really hoping the sun would come out for me, but
it stayed cloudy the whole day. Bummer!

We stayed at the starting line until John, Jennifer, Shawn, and Nora started the race, and then Colin and I walked to the boardwalk and started our run. Colin does heart rate training, so he runs at a pace that keeps his heart rate under 150. He guessed it would be about 11:30-13:30 pace, which sounded perfect to me. The scenery was gorgeous!

We ran an out and back right along the beach, and we discovered early on that the boardwalk was a big part of the marathon course (it was still open to the public, despite the race). It was fun that we were able to run the course, but without having to run a full marathon ;)

We were wearing From Fat to Finish Line shirts, and I was so excited because people actually recognized me from the film! How crazy is that?! There were some guys who set up a Beer & Bacon Station (not part of the race, but just for fun). I think this should be part of races all over! I did have a little beer, because I was thirsty and I obviously wasn't going to take anything from the water stations on the course without being part of the race. Beer always tastes so good during a run!

Chatting with Colin made the time go by really quickly, and before I knew it, we were back at the starting line/finish line. We did 8 miles at a 13:00-ish pace. Lots of fun with this guy!

We met up with Angela at the finish line, and I was on the lookout for Martine, who I asked to come meet us as well. Martine is a reader of my blog that I've gotten to know through emails. She always used to leave the nicest comments on my blog when I had the "Anonymous" option for commenting, and then she'd sign them "Martine". When I turned off anonymous commenting, I felt bad that she'd no longer be able to comment, so I emailed her to let her know my reasoning and to apologize for it. We then started emailing pretty often, and when I decided to go to San Diego, of course I wanted to try to meet up with her. She came to the finish line, and I was happy to see that she is just as delightful in person as she is in her emails!

Martine's gorgeous smile

We hung out at the finish line to wait for our FFTFL crew to come in, and we saw lots of inspiring people! The "back-of-the-packers" are our kind of people, so we enjoyed cheering for them. There was one large group of people that came through, walking, wearing matching shirts. They were celebrating the 90th birthday of the woman walking in the center of the pack for the half-marathon!! How amazing is that?

Although, I do want to say that this particular race is NOT good for walkers or back-of-the-packers. I was shocked at all of the faster finishers who were taking huge armfuls of food and drinks at the finisher's chute, and then there was nothing left when the 3:00-4:00 half-marathoners came through. After our FFTFL people finished in 3:55, there was nothing for them to eat, and there were still half- and full-marathoners on the course! I think it's terrible that people would take so much when there were still people on the course. The race was not set up for slower runners or for walkers, unfortunately.

Nora, Jennifer, Colin, me, Shawn, and John

Anyway, we were all starving by that time, so we walked to a little restaurant near the finish line for lunch. I had chicken tortilla soup and a salad.

After that, I really had to figure out my plan for getting home. I had been planning to take the red-eye from LAX on Sunday evening, to arrive home on Monday morning. However, Becky called to tell me that the flight filled up, so I needed to do a different option.

Flying stand-by is great when you want to take a last-minute trip, but it's kind of a pain because you have to watch flight availability and your options are limited to what's available at the last moment. I thought about staying until Tuesday and leaving from San Diego, but I really needed to get back home to my responsibilities. There was a direct flight out of LAX on Monday at 6:50 AM, so I ultimately decided to get on that flight.

Martine ended up driving me (in her little BMW roadster!) to Angela's house in L.A. on Sunday evening. Angela, meanwhile, was staying another night at the hotel in Huntington Beach. I wished I'd have had time to plan an adventure in L.A., but going up there was so last-minute. I didn't have a car, so from Angela's, I walked down the street to a Carl's Jr. for dinner. I'd never tried Carl's Jr. before, so I actually looking forward to it.

I got a burger wrapped in lettuce instead of a bun (I figured I should save calories wherever I can) and it was really delicious. I wish we had Carl's Jr. around here! I was surprised at how much I liked the burger without a bun, too. I have nothing whatsoever against carbs, but hamburger buns seem like a waste of calories because they are just used as a tool to eat the burger without adding any flavor. I'm going to do the lettuce wrap whenever I can from now on.

Anyway, I walked back to Angela's house and just had a relaxing evening. I went to bed early, because I knew I had an early flight to get up for. I'd never used Uber or Lyft or any sort of service like that before, so I was nervous to try it! But it ended up being super easy. I had Lyft credit from someone handing them out near the race course, and John told me if I use the option to share a ride, it'll be even cheaper (whether someone shares the ride or not).

I requested a ride at 4:00 AM, and Tris, my driver, showed up in about two minutes. I was worried about safety, but the app shows a picture of the driver, a picture of the car, and the license plate number. Tris was super nice, and we chatted the whole way to the airport. The ride was 25 minutes, but only cost $9! I wish we had services like that around where I live.

Thankfully, I made it on the flight without any problems, and I even had a window seat with an empty middle seat next to me! Jerry and the boys picked me up from the airport after school.

I am SO so so grateful that I was able to go on this trip! I feel rejuvenated and ready to make some changes for myself that will be good for me in the long run. I realized that even though I'm an introvert, it's worth stepping out of my comfort zone to meet new people and make new friends. I loved every single person I met this weekend, and they're so inspiring.

Anyways, I'm home now, feeling a million times better than I did just a week ago, and motivated to move in a positive direction. Hope everyone else had a good weekend!

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The most spontaneous thing I've ever done

Hola from San Diego!

This trip was decided on Thursday morning, and I was on a plane Thursday night. Crazy, right?! I had a string of bad days as far as my depression goes, and I really just felt like I needed to get away for a couple of days. I thought about driving out to my sister's with the kids, or something like that. But then I had the (insane) idea that maybe I could visit John.

John is a friend of mine that I met through my blog and SparkPeople, and then asked to join my Ragnar Relay team. He was Runner 12 for the Florida Keys Ragnar, so you can see him in the From Fat to Finish Line documentary. Then, in 2014, John and I captained another Ragnar team, Strangers to Sole Mates.

Anyway, John is very understanding of depression, and I knew talking to him would be therapeutic in itself. As a bonus, he and his husband Ric live in San Diego! Could there possibly be a better place to escape from Michigan for a couple of days, considering it's February and 12 degrees at home? I can't think of one ;)

When I asked John about it, he said the timing would be perfect for a visit, because he's walking the Surf City Half on Sunday and Jen and Angela will be there. Jen and Angela are the documentary's producers (and Jen is one of the runners in the film). It'll be fun to see them today when we drive up to Huntington Beach!

Anyway, John was thrilled for me to visit (John and Ric host people at their house a lot--otherwise, I don't know that I would have asked). My sister-in-law, Becky, listed me on a flight Thursday night using a buddy pass from Brian (Brian was on a trip in Paris). Without a buddy pass, the ticket would have been $1500! There is no way I'd have been able to go without the buddy pass. The flight had 40 open seats, so the chances of getting on the flight were really good.

I made it onto the flight and arrived in San Diego late Thursday night. Yesterday, I got in 15,424 steps while walking around San Diego! John took Ric to an appointment in the morning, so I walked Ruthie, their dog, around the block (she doesn't like to walk far); and then I walked on my own for a few miles to just get some sun. I was amazed at how good I felt--the change of scenery instantly made me feel better.

John, Ric, and I went to the beach where I walked out on a pier, and it was amazing. It was fun to watch people surf.

Me, Ric, and John

We went to Hodad's for lunch, which is a burger place, and the atmosphere there was awesome! When we were leaving, I saw something lying on the sidewalk--and it ended up being a fairly large amount of marijuana. Haha! I felt like I was on a hidden camera show.

Then, we went to Cabrillo National Monument, where I saw the most amazing view of San Diego. I took a photo, but photos NEVER do sceneries justice. I couldn't get over how gorgeous it was!

I was cracking up at all the people wearing winter coats. It was in the mid-60's, which is shorts and t-shirt weather in Michigan! I was wearing jeans, but wished I'd brought shorts because I was really warm.

Then Ric dropped John and I off at a fun bar for afternoon margaritas. We were able to catch up with everything, and it was awesome.

I also got to meet Colin, who is a fan of the film. What a nice guy! He's lost 100 pounds and is training for his first triathlon--an IRONMAN. He is going to be going up to Huntington Beach for the race as well.

Colin, me, and John

The three of us were chatting at John's, and I literally fell asleep on the couch at 7:30. The time change is definitely an adjustment! It was 10:30 at home. But the long day with lots of walking tired me out.

Anyway, I can't believe I didn't think to do this sooner. This trip has been so therapeutic and I know I am going to go home in a much better state of mind. I'm really grateful to my family for being so cool with this, too. It's amazing what nice weather and great friends can do :)

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February challenge

Well, it seems I spoke too soon about this new medication working. I had a terrible day yesterday. It's still only been three weeks since I started taking it, but after this weekend and yesterday, I'm not so sure it's doing anything. I have a follow-up appointment with my doctor on the 9th, so we can figure out what to do then.

It's so weird how much my emotions can swing sometimes. I'm going to ask my doctor about testing my hormones and vitamins and things, too, just to make sure it's not something to do with that. I'm just SO ready to get out of this funk that's been going on since June!

I have managed to stay on track with my eating, though.

Actually, I've done really well! I replaced the batteries in the (newer) scale that I have, and it works again. I had to throw out the old scale, though, and as stupid as this sounds, it was actually kind of emotional. The depression probably had something to do with that, but still... I had that scale for such a long time! (I got it in the early 2000's--maybe 2002?) It saw me at my heaviest and at my lightest. It was sad to throw it away, but there was no fixing it.

Jerry wanted to try to replace the battery for me, even though it wasn't meant to be replaced (it stuns me how long that battery lasted!). He figured out how to take the bottom of the scale apart (I tried this to no avail several times) and then replaced the battery. But, all it would show after that is 888.8. Then I realized that when I had been trying to figure out how to open the backing, I broke two parts inside that were pretty important.

Just to change the battery ;)

It's just a stupid scale, and very replaceable, but I had hope of fixing it. However, after I saw the parts that were broken, I realized that there was no hope left. So, into the trash it went. I think Jerry felt bad he couldn't fix it, because he told me that I should pick out a fancy scale, any scale that I want, to replace it. So, I ordered a nice one on Amazon, and it's supposed to arrive tomorrow. The one I have now is okay, but I've already replaced the batteries three times. The new scale can be plugged in if I want, and I like that idea. Maybe this one will see me back to goal! ;)

Meanwhile, I haven't lost any weight. I'm questioning if this is because of the new medication (antidepressants are notorious for making people gain weight). For the last two weeks, my calories have been great (with the exception of two high-calorie days, but that was never an issue before). I know that it's not my eating that's the problem. I also picked up the running over the last few weeks, so that could have something to do with it (I always tend to gain a little or not lose when I start or increase exercise).

Anyway, I haven't been upset about not losing, but I have been bewildered. I'm going to keep at it, however, because I do feel better about myself when I'm eating well. It would just be nice to drop this weight I've gained! My clothes haven't felt as tight over the last few days, so maybe I'm just retaining water or something. We'll see.

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I decided to do a challenge for myself in February. I've been in the mood to eat healthier things lately (more vegetables, less sugar, etc). I still wouldn't call myself a "healthy eater", but my body has been having different sorts of cravings, and I've been listening to it.

For instance, I cannot stand the thought of a "sweet" breakfast. It churns my stomach for some reason, which is very odd. I've always loved having oatmeal or Larabars or something with peanut butter or things like that for breakfast, but now I opt for anything that isn't sweet. I've been eating sourdough toast with coconut oil, which is a delicious combination. Grits with cheese is a favorite, too.

This all started in early November, long before I started the new medication, so I'm kind of stumped as to why--but it's a good thing, I guess! All this to say, next month is going to be about eating vegetables... in the form of a salad every day for lunch. I've never been a salad person, but occasionally I do like to eat one (usually Caesar, which is probably the least healthy of salads, but still counts in my book).

So, February's plan is to eat a salad (of some sort) for lunch every day. My hope is that I will try different salads every day; but if you know me at all, then you know I get in ruts when I find something that I like, and I eat it every day until I get sick of it. (The kids are home from school for a snow day today, so maybe I'll make a list of salads to work from for the month).

I was craving a particular salad in the worst way when I was doing the vegan challenge. For a while a few years ago, I was eating spring mix with balsamic vinegar and olive oil, topped with chicken, tons of black pepper, feta cheese, dried cranberries, and chopped almonds or sunflower seeds. I tired of it, and haven't eaten it since. But it sounds fantastic, so I am going to pick up the ingredients today.

My goal for this challenge is simply to get used to eating more vegetables. I've gotten good at having vegetables with dinner (I like to mix them into casseroles and skillet meals rather than just eat them on the side), so hopefully I can expand that to lunch as well. As a bonus, I'm always at a loss for what to eat for lunch, so this will make the decision easy :)

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Today, I finished the first month of my 1SecondEveryday app. I wrote about it before, but it's an app where you record a short video every day and upload just a second of it (or 1.5 seconds, in my case--you can choose to do that if you like) to a calendar. Then the app "stitches" the videos together to give you a glimpse of your month (or year or whatever you like).

Here is my video for January:


There are a couple of days where I wished I'd gotten better videos, but I forgot to do it until shortly before bed, so I had to come up with something on the fly. Anyway, I love this app! It's super fun to see a flashback of my month.

As far as my other long term goals:

• I read one book this month, which was my goal (I'm a slow, easily-distracted reader). The book was actually for reviewing on my blog, and you can read the review here if you'd like. I am now starting "Run!" by Dean Karnazes for February. 
• I have been spending more quality time with the kids, and it's been fun! My favorite family time is actually a simple walk around the neighborhood with the kids, Jerry, and Joey. It only takes about 20 minutes, but we don't bring phones or other distractions, and it's nice :)

So, even though I'm still having issues with depression, I'm doing my best to work through them--or at least around them!

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Hello, Year 36

In case you haven't noticed, I've finally picked up the posting frequency on my blog--I hope this means that my new antidepressant is working! I haven't felt a huge difference in my mood, but I've definitely felt a subtle, "Huh, I don't feel as sad today" or "I feel kind of energetic today". I've been making more plans, too, which is another sign it may be helping. I still don't feel back to "normal", but also not as bad off as I felt a month ago.

I don't know if my dad will be thrilled about my sharing the following story, but it was so special that I think it needs to be shared...

As you may know from reading my blog, my dad likes to paint scenic landscapes. He taught himself a few years ago by watching Bob Ross of all things! He's gotten pretty good at it, too. I'm super impressed with some of his paintings, and not just because he's self-taught. He gifted my favorite of his paintings to me, and it's hanging in my living room. I love it! He's never sold his paintings--he typically gives them away if someone says they like them (which is how I acquired the one in my living room).

The painting my dad did that is now hanging in my living room. Impressive, right?

Recently, my friend Andrea's car quit running. My dad is an auto mechanic, so I referred her to him to fix the car. Andrea's grandparents drove her to my parents' house and lent her their car to go pick up the auto parts that she needed. My dad had a chance to chat with Andrea's grandfather, who is 90 years old, for a few minutes. Andrea told him that her grandpa's memory isn't very good for short term stuff, but he is a WWII veteran, and his memory is clear as day when he talks about his ship, the USS Hornet. He's extremely proud of his service, as he should be, and he loves to talk about it. My dad is a Vietnam veteran, so they chatted about the military.

After Andrea's grandparents left, my dad thought about their conversation, and decided to paint a picture of the USS Hornet to gift to Andrea's grandpa. He looked up photos of it online and printed them out, and then used those as a reference to work on his painting.

When my dad told me what he was doing, I thought it was awesome! But he is very modest about his work, and he told me he didn't want to bring the painting over to Andrea's grandpa--that he would just give it to me to give to Andrea to give to grandpa. I thought that my dad should be the one to give it to him! So, I told Andrea about it, and she agreed. She said her grandpa would be absolutely thrilled, and that my dad should bring it over.

Last Sunday afternoon, my dad and Andrea brought the painting to her grandpa, and sure enough--he loved it! He told some stories to my dad about the ship, and they hung the painting on the wall right away. They had a nice visit, and my dad ended up being very glad that he went.

I know my dad was embarrassed of the attention (he literally just wanted the man to have a painting of his beloved ship), but I think he left feeling happy that he went. He later said it was one of his favorite things he's ever done for someone. And Andrea's family appreciated it so much, too!

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Yesterday was my birthday (I turned 35!), and throughout the day, I kind of regretted not hosting the virtual 5K this year. With my depression being so bad, though, I wasn't in the right state of mind to do the work for it. I'm feeling somewhat better now, so I wish I'd have done it. As it was, though, I had a very relaxing birthday. I spent much of the day organizing photos on the computer (a never ending task).

We "celebrated" my birthday on Tuesday, because that's when Jerry was off work. While the kids were at school, Jerry and I went to a couple of running stores that I'd had gift cards to. I had $150 in gift cards at two different stores. Since I'm all stocked up on running shoes, I decided to use the cards to get new socks. Running socks (good ones) are expensive, and I hate spending money on them--$18 for a pair of socks?! It's crazy. But, honestly, they are worth it.

I love Balega socks, and planned to get mostly those. Surprisingly, one of the stores didn't carry them, so I tried Swiftwick instead. They are AMAZING. So squishy and super warm. I don't always wear running socks for running--I like to wear my really cushy ones on a day-to-day basis. Here is what $150 will get you in the running sock world:

I chose not to go out to dinner for my birthday, both to save on calories and money. Instead, Jerry and the boys cooked me the dinner of my request (gnocchi with pesto cream and garlic toast) on Tuesday. It was delicious, and I don't think I could have had a better meal at a restaurant!

The kids have loved cooking lately, and Noah has actually made several dinners on his own. It's a fun way to spend quality time with the boys. I was curious to see how dinner would turn out with Jerry supervising instead of me, but I didn't need to worry--it was amazing :)

Last night, for my actual birthday, instead of celebrating with cake or something, I decided to have Halo Top ice cream for birthday dinner. Obviously, the family loved this idea ;)  I've been obsessed with Halo Top's new flavors!! My favorites are the Oatmeal Cookie, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Peanut Butter Cup, and Red Velvet. (Even though I've had an aversion to peanut butter, the Peanut Butter Cup Halo Top is amazing and not too rich).

Last night, we had the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and my whole family loved it. I simply cannot believe that an entire pint of it is only 360 calories. It also has a lot of fiber and protein, but you would never know it by the way it tastes.

If you haven't tried the new flavors, definitely keep an eye out for them. Halo Top is life-changing. (I don't work with them as an ambassador or anything, although I would in a heartbeat if they offered, haha). The only downfall is that it's crazy expensive at 5.79 per pint. I decided that if it helps me to stay on track, then it's worth the price tag.

I made the same conclusion with vegetables recently, too. I found that I was wasting them a lot, because they are inconvenient and I never felt like taking the time to prep them. Now, I decided that even though it costs a little more, I'm going to buy veggies that are already prepped where I can, because it will help me to actually eat them.

I don't have any major plans this weekend, but Jerry is off work, so I may not write. When he's off, I prefer to stay off the computer as much as I can so I can spend time with the family. I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

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Secrets from the Eating Lab (book review)

TLC Book Tours sent me a copy of this book to review, but I am not being paid for this post or anything else. I was just asked to write an honest review in exchange for the book. Thank you, TLC Book Tours, for thinking of me!

Before I get into the review, I just want to say that TLC Book Tours, if you haven't heard of it, is a really great way to read book reviews written by bloggers around the web. There are links to several bloggers' reviews for each book, as well as purchase links and the book description. It's similar to Goodreads, but smaller, more focused, and the reviews are more in-depth (the reviews aren't on the site--just the links to them--which I like, because I enjoy reading more in-depth reviews, particularly about books like this).

If you're a blogger, you can also sign up there to be a "tour host", which is what I am. When a book comes along that looks like something I would like, they send me an email and ask if I want to review it, and then send me an advanced copy. Since I'm working on reading more books this year, this comes in handy!

Anyway, I was recently asked to review a book that sounded right up my alley: Secrets from the Eating Lab by Traci Mann. Here is a description from the publisher:

A provocative expose of the dieting industry from one of the nation’s leading researchers in self-control and the psychology of weight loss that offers proven strategies for sustainable weight loss. 

From her office in the University of Minnesota’s Health and Eating Lab, professor Traci Mann researches self-control and dieting. And what she has discovered is groundbreaking. Not only do diets not work; they often result in weight gain. Americans are losing the battle of the bulge because our bodies and brains are not hardwired to resist food—the very idea of it works against our biological imperative to survive. 

In Secrets From the Eating Lab, Mann challenges assumptions—including those that make up the very foundation of the weight loss industry—about how diets work and why they fail. The result of more than two decades of research, it offers cutting-edge science and exciting new insights into the American obesity epidemic and our relationship with eating and food. 

Secrets From the Eating Lab also gives readers the practical tools they need to actually lose weight and get healthy. Mann argues that the idea of willpower is a myth—we shouldn’t waste time and money trying to combat our natural tendencies. Instead, she offers 12 simple, effective strategies that take advantage of human nature instead of fighting it—from changing the size of your plates to socializing with people with healthy habits, removing “healthy” labels that send negative messages to redefining comfort food.

I never read "diet books" anymore, but considering my struggle recently, I hoped that it would offer some new tidbits of info that would help me get back on track with my eating. Also, I like that it's not a "fad diet" book.

I like the idea of the book--I'm not a fan of fad diets, and this is definitely not a fad diet (or any diet at all, really). The book is divided into four sections: 1) Why Diets Fail You; 2) Why You Are Better Off Without the Battle; 3) How To Reach Your Leanest Livable Weight (No Willpower Required); and 4) Your Weight is Really Not the Point.

The first section, Why Diets Fail You, was something I've read dozens of times before--if you've read about intuitive eating at all, then you know how diets don't work in the long run. The author backs this up with studies, of course, but the gist is the same: diets just don't work, so we need to find another way to reach a healthy sustainable weight.

Part two explains why obesity isn't as unhealthy as the media makes it out to be. Again, the author backs this up with studies, so I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. I just have a very hard time believing it, because I've experienced both being obese and being at the low end of my healthy weight range. I feel much healthier at a lower weight, and not just because of the number on the scale. I can't imagine it's healthy to gasp for breath at the top of a flight of stairs, or to not be able to tie my own shoes. The book doesn't mention the quality of obese life in this chapter, however; just that obese people don't die younger than people of normal weight.

There is one particular paragraph that I found very interesting, though! You know how I finally came to terms with the fact that my weight range for the past 7 years has been about 30 pounds (about 125-155). I tend to reach my highest weight (high 150's) at the end of summer; and then my lowest weight at the end of winter. I always used to see this as "failure", but I finally just accepted that my body might like a bigger weight range than the ideal five-pound range.

So, when I read this paragraph, you can imagine how interesting I thought it was:

"So how do you determine your set range? It's more of an art than a science, at least given the current state of knowledge, but we do know that it will encompass the weights you tend to be at when you are not dieting and not engaging in extreme overeating. If there is a particular weight that you seem to keep coming back to after changes in either direction, it might be in the middle of your set range. One expert [cited from a study from the American Journal of Public Health] says that you can comfortably lose about 15 pounds below your set point before your body starts trying to defend a higher weight. If it works the same on the high end as on the low end, that would mean that your set range reasonably covers about 30 pounds." (pg. 30-31)

Reading this was a coincidence and actually kind of a big relief! I feel like a 30-pound range is crazy, but it's what my body does. And it's nice to know that there is a reason for it. My body doesn't start really fighting the gain until I reach the top of my range, at around 155-160. And it doesn't start fighting my low weight until I'm at around 125. Out of the entire book, that last sentence fascinated me the most, because it was so relevant to me right now.

In the third part of the book, there are 12 dieting strategies that the author describes. The overall goal of these strategies is to eat well and lose or maintain your weight without "dieting". Most of them are things you have probably heard or read about before, especially if you're familiar with intuitive eating principles. There were a few unique ideas in the book, though.

One of the principles is to "Think of junk foods in an abstract way; not the specific taste/textures you expect." This was a new idea to me, but it works very well when I manage to remember to think about it. Basically, when we start craving a junk food, we imagine eating that food and we think about the textures, smell, taste, temperature, etc... and it makes us really want that food!

According to the book, a way to combat cravings like that is to think of foods abstractly, instead of thinking of the details. For example, you might just dismiss a doughnut as a "breakfast pastry" if you think of it no further than just "a breakfast pastry"--when you start thinking about the cream filling, the chocolate icing on top, the fresh fried dough, exactly how it will taste and feel when you bite into it, etc., it's much more difficult to resist. Does that make sense? Surprisingly, it really works (for me, anyway, and only when I remember to do it). I've been trying to put tempting foods into a broad category and not give any thought to the experience of eating them.

When it comes to healthy foods, we can do just the opposite--we can think of how crisp and sweet an apple will taste, and imagine the juice bursting into our mouths when we bite into it. Thinking of healthy foods that way will make them more appealing.

I cannot remember why I was making this face; maybe
because I ordered salad, and I never order salad? Haha.
It just looks like I'm trying to sell this one!

One of the other principles is to create an automatic plan for anticipated problems--this is called an "implementation intention" or "I-intention". In this case, we think of problems that may arise while we're trying to lose weight, and we come up with a plan ahead of time for exactly how we will handle it. This is something that I did (and still do!) a LOT. It really helps to stick with my food plan when I already know what I'm going to do, and I don't have to make impulsive decisions.

There are ten other strategies, but these two are the ones that I can actually see myself doing. The others are nice ideas, but it's just so much to remember and plan for that I would have to read the book several times over to really drill it in.

The fourth part of the book was very similar to the second part, explaining why losing weight really isn't that important as long as you are eating well, exercising, and taking care of yourself. There is a chapter about exercise and the real reasons to do it (not just for weight loss). I like that! I think my life has been dramatically improved with exercise, but exercise has never really had a big effect on my weight.  I think it's important for all people to do, regardless of weight, so I enjoyed this chapter.

In a nutshell: The book is well-written and very well-researched (there are 46 pages of citations at the end). I enjoyed reading it, and found myself nodding along with a lot of what the author wrote. I felt motivated and even excited to try out the principles. BUT, as soon as I closed the book, I forgot everything I'd just read. It was nice to read, but very difficult to put into practice. I think maybe working on one principle at a time is the way to go--once that becomes habit, then choose another.

Overall, I found the book worth the read, but perhaps a little redundant because I've read so much about weight loss and intuitive eating over the years. If you are looking to just change habits into healthier ones, and you aren't too worried about losing weight quickly or anything, this is probably a helpful book to read. On the other hand, if you've read all the intuitive eating books out there, this one probably won't give you information you haven't already read. That's my honest opinion.

If you are interested in the book, here are the purchase links from TLC Book Tours:

Harper Collins
Amazon (affiliate link--if you purchase through this link, I get a small commission)
Barnes & Noble

In going with the theme, I've really liked reading about healthy HABITS--things that we do on a daily basis that helps us to be healthy--rather than weight loss TIPS. One of my habits that I got into when I first started losing weight in August of 2010 was to drink a full quart of water first thing when I get up each day. It has helped in so many ways--I don't really get thirsty during the day, so I don't drink my calories; my eyes aren't dry (they used to feel very dry when I woke up); it keeps me from feeling bloated; I don't need to carry water on my morning runs; and I just feel better in general.  I'd love to read about some of your healthy habits, if you're willing to share!

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