A few weeks ago, I said that I would post a weigh in on August 19th--the anniversary of when I first started losing weight back in 2009. I'd hoped that I'd use those few weeks to lose some of the summer weight I gained, and I'd feel really good about getting on the scale.
Well, tomorrow is August 19th, and I haven't lost a single pound since then.
In fact, I've actually gained a few more pounds. Recently, my weight has been hovering between 139 and 141. Yes, Friends--that's over my goal weight (133), and nearly 20 pounds over my lowest weight from March! That's roughly a pound a week that I've picked up since March.
Jerry and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on Tuesday. When he got home from work, we decided to walk to the bar near our house with the kids, and on the way, I asked Noah to take a picture of us.
When I saw the picture, I was not happy--I almost wasn't even going to post it here, because I thought the extra weight was so noticeable...
I was thinking, "Ugh, everyone is going to look at this picture and think I'm a failure!" But you know what? I'm so tired of feeling apologetic for my weight fluctuations (not that anyone is expecting me to). Without comparing this photo to a photo from early this year, I'd say I look very "normal" and healthy here. The only thing about this photo that bothered me was the fact that I was comparing it to early this year, when I was at my lowest weight--my racing weight, when I was at the peak of my 10K training and in my best shape. Looking at this photo without any other reference, I'm happy with how I look!
I'm the first to admit that nobody is putting this pressure on me; I know that I'm doing it to myself. And it's time that I stop it! Maybe this is just part of MY "normal"--maybe MY normal is putting on some weight during the summer, and taking it off in the fall and winter. It's happened every year for the last six years! I always think that I need to work on fixing that for the next year, but maybe it's just the way my body works. My appetite is actually much higher in the summer than it is in the winter.
Anyway, I've been feeling so bad lately that I'm letting people down or something because I still haven't been able to keep from gaining weight in the summer--but today, I'm done feeling bad. My BMI is still good, I'm a normal and healthy size for my height, I'm active, and all of my health numbers are great. There is nothing for me to feel bad about! There are so many more important things to worry about.
I'm not saying that I'm "giving up"--I'm still going to work this fall to get back to my preferred weight of under 133, where I feel my best. And thankfully, I'm not too far over my goal this year! I should be able to do it in about 6-8 weeks.
This morning, I went to Kohl's to get a couple of dresses for Virginia Beach. Since I'm not going to be at my goal weight two weeks from now when we leave, I might as well feel good about the size I am now. I found two dresses that I am very happy with!
This pink one is my favorite--I think the color looks good with my hair (of course, I won't be wearing blue socks with it...). I also bought the striped dress you see in the background (each dress was only $14.40, by the way!)
Pretty much every summer, I end the season by vowing not to gain weight the following summer. "I'll learn my lesson from this summer", I say. But, I'm not going to declare that this year. I may be at my goal weight when I go to Indy in May, and run a great race. And maybe I'll put on 10 pounds over the summer of 2017. And then I'll lose it again in the fall. Is that such a bad thing? In my opinion, no :) I'm okay with that.
I always thought that I had to keep my weight fluctuations to a couple of pounds to be considered "successful" at weight loss--maybe five pounds at most. But for someone who has lost (and kept off) over 100 pounds for 6 years, having a greater weight fluctuation range isn't the end of the world. I am one of the roughly 5% of people who have lost a large amount of weight and kept it off! Maybe I'm not the "ideal" scenario, but it's clearly working for me. I just wish I had looked at it this way sooner, instead of feeling like I "failed" at the end of each summer.
I'm nervous about posting this--I always feel nervous when posting such personal stuff. I think it just makes me feel vulnerable, because I know that there will be people who disagree with my thoughts. But, I feel the need to post this because it's almost a relief for me. I'm showing that I'm not hiding anything, that I'm just ME--imperfect, but doing my best to be the best ME I can be.