Jerry's birthday weekend

What a relaxing weekend! The last couple of weeks have been so busy, it was nice to have all weekend without any real plans. I actually spent most of the weekend like this:

When I saw that sweatshirt at the thrift store, I just had to buy it! I love how Estelle seems to be rolling her eyes at Jerry, who was taking the picture ;)

On Friday, Noah was invited to a sleepover birthday party; Eli felt left out, so my parents let him stay the night at their house. Jerry was off work all weekend, so on Friday night, we had a date night. We decided to go see a movie at the theater we used to go to when we were dating, because we hadn't been there in ages. When we were teenagers, we used to go to the movies all the time--probably twice a week!

First, we went to check out a bar that my friends Mike and Lance bought. Mike lived next door to me and Lance lived behind me when we were growing up, so I've known them for about 30 years. I love that we're still friends after this long, and I thought it was really cool that Mike and Lance bought the bar together. (For any local readers, it's called The Rockery in Wyandotte)

I wanted to go there early, before the show, so that it wouldn't be busy and I'd have a chance to chat with Mike (Lance wasn't there). It was a fun place! They'd put a lot of work into it over the past couple of weeks, and they still have a lot more work to do, but it was nice to see how excited Mike was about the place. I told the bartender to make me whatever drink she'd like, and she made me something with cherry vodka and lime juice, which was really good.

We stayed and chatted with Mike for a while until it was time to head to the movie. When we got to the theater, I nearly had a heart attack at the cost of a movie--$10--because the last time we were there, it was only $6.50. Hahaha, just shows how old we are! The people working there were about half our age (literally).

We had a very light dinner so that we would be hungry for popcorn at the movies. With intuitive eating, I'm starting to get the hang of planning ahead for stuff like that. We got a large popcorn, but dumped half in the garbage so that we could put butter on the rest and shake it up in the bag. Then we only ate about half of that during the movie. Back in the teenager days, I would eat a whole large popcorn by myself!

We saw the movie Into the Storm, and it was awful. We both really like those kinds of movies (natural disaster/end-of-the-world kinds of movies), but the acting was so bad for this one, which was about tornadoes. We had a good laugh about it, though. Despite the bad movie, we had a fun date, and I'm glad we went.

Yesterday, we spent some time cleaning up the yard (we've been building a garage all summer long, and there are building materials everywhere). As we moved scraps of lumber, we found so many frogs hiding underneath! We started catching them and taking them across the street to the woods. We probably caught and released at least 12-15 frogs and toads. There are five just in this photo (one is in the top right corner, and hard to see because of the grass right there).

Today is Jerry's birthday--he's 34!

It's crazy how fast the time goes by. Jerry and I met when I was 16 and he was 17, so we've been together for exactly HALF our lives! We still act like children (Jerry does way more than I do, but that's one of the things I love about him). We both were just saying that we don't feel as old as we are--in my mind, I feel like we're still 16 and 17.

We had a pretty relaxing morning, and then went out to run some errands in the afternoon. Jerry said that he wanted to walk to the local bar for dinner--they have the BEST boneless wings we've ever had. We ordered them on a whim one time when playing Keno, and we were both so shocked at just how good they were. So we went there for Jerry's birthday dinner tonight--nothing fancy, but definitely good!

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Nostalgic eight

Today's weather was just like yesterday's, and I was grateful because today was my long run. This week, I started week five of Hal Higdon's Novice 2 program. I would consider myself an advanced runner, but I really don't want to do speed work right now, and I liked the idea of going back to the basics, so I decided to go with the Novice 2 program. I'll probably start doing speed work again this winter, on the treadmill.

Today's long run was eight miles. I briefly thought about recreating my very first eight-miler, but the route wasn't saved on Garmin Connect (just the distance and time). I remember I ran the neighborhoods around here, but that's it. My first eight-miler was probably my proudest moment in running--even more so than my first marathon! I'd attempted it twice in the couple of weeks before that, but I just couldn't complete it. The first time, I made it 7.5 miles and nearly had a heat stroke. The second time, I just wasn't feeling it at all, and it was all I could do to get in 5.5.

I had been craving carrot cake something fierce, so I decided to buy a big slice of carrot cake, and only eat it after I'd completed the eight-mile run. I felt super determined to get it done that day! So I hydrated well, woke up early, and headed out. I did my best to go the distance, and I did it! I ran an 11:01/mile pace, and after I showered, I ate a big piece of carrot cake.

First 8-mile run! August 5, 2010

This morning, I thought about going to Monica's Bakery to get a piece of carrot cake for after my run, but something I've learned about myself through intuitive eating is that sweets just don't sound good to me in the mornings. I love sweets, but I don't really desire them until the afternoon. So I just figured I'd wait and get something this afternoon if I really wanted to.

I had a couple of pieces of sourdough toast with butter and a glass of milk this morning before getting the kids off to school. Then I decided to drive into town to run along the River Raisin. I don't normally like to run that route because there are a few traffic lights, but I was really craving some different scenery. I chose a lollipop route that went along the river, then through a park, and then back along the river.

I almost decided to wear my jacket, because it feels chilly in a tank when it's 52 degrees. But I knew I'd warm up when I start to run, so I just left it in the car. I forgot to wear my heart rate monitor, which bummed me out, but it wasn't that big of a deal. (As long as I have my Garmin, of course!!)

I didn't have a "real" goal for this run, but in the back of my mind, I was hoping to run all sub-10:00 miles. The first couple of miles felt good, and I thought the sub-10's would be a cakewalk. But miles three and four were tough, and I was trying not to give up on my sub-10's so soon. Miles four and five were on gravel, which is harder to run on, but I managed to keep pace. Once I hit mile six, I knew I could do the last two.

It was a little discouraging to see how hard this pace felt--a little over a year ago, my long runs were at an 8:45 pace! But I've been trying not to compare now vs. then, because it makes me feel bad (just like with my weight). So I'm going to set new goals and be happy when I reach them (like today's sub-10 goal) rather than focus on the fact that I used to be much faster. Today, I felt awesome when I finished my run! The weather played a large part in that, but I also felt great because I pushed myself to reach the small goal I'd had in mind.

Speaking of goals, with vacation and then going to my brother's wedding, I'd completely forgotten to set a goal for September. For August, my goal was to eat all of my meals at the dining table--and I did it. I ate every single meal at the table, and even though the month is over, I've continued to do it. It really helps with the intuitive eating! I've realized that I'm starting to disassociate the couch with eating, or watching TV with eating. So now when I sit on the couch, I don't automatically start thinking about food.

I've been eating breakfast at the table with the kids every morning, too, which I really enjoy. When counting points or calories, I never wanted to eat that early--I'd put off breakfast until about 8-8:30, so that I wouldn't use up my calories and be starving by 10:00. Now that I'm eating intuitively, it doesn't matter if I eat early, because I just eat again when I get hungry. It sounds so "Duh!" but it's been so nice! ;)

My goal for the rest of September is just to stick with my running plan. There were several weeks this summer where I didn't do a long run, which was fine--I wanted to give myself a break from a structured plan--but now that the weather isn't so hot and humid, I want to get back to a regular schedule. Even though the summer was short, it feels great to get back to a routine!

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Virtual 5K

It was 50 degrees when I woke up this morning. Fifty! I love love love this weather, and I'm hopeful that it's here for the season, and not just teasing me.

After getting the kids off to school, I decided to go to the State Park for my scheduled three-mile run. I had to get a couple of things from Kroger, so I figured I might as well have a scenic place to run while I was out. When I got to the park, I stood outside the car for a minute, just feeling so happy that it felt like fall. It was really peaceful this morning, too.

Dani at Weight Off My Shoulders is hosting a virtual 5K this month for a charity that she's very passionate about, so I had signed up for that. (I met Dani in Boston for the Heartbreak Hill Half, and she is SO sweet!) I decided that since today was such a nice morning, I'd run 3.1 miles and call it my 5K. I knew there was no way in heck I could hit a PR, so I didn't even attempt that--but I ran at a pace that felt comfortably hard.

One of the first things I noticed when I started running?

LEAVES! There were leaves on the ground! I'm so excited for the trees to change color. Michigan's winter and summer isn't exactly desirable, but the fall totally makes up for it. The leaves are beautiful when they change color.

It was a great run, and the weather was absolutely perfect for running this morning. My virtual 5K time leaves much to be desired, but I'll work on getting my speed back in a few months.

I finished in 29:00, a 9:20/mi pace. (You may notice I wore the new Altra shoes--I really like them! I've worn them a few times now, and it's nice to try something different. I'll still use my Adrenalines sometimes, but I like having an option.)

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Noah had cross country practice again today, and I realized I forgot to send him to school with a water bottle for practice. So I got him a Gatorade while I was at Kroger, and then Jerry and I went to the school at 2:35 to give it to him and watch his practice.

He did great! He's been listening to my advice not to start out too fast, so he's usually in the back of the pack, but ends up passing people at the end. He doesn't seem to mind being at the back at all, though, which is good. I'm sure his speed will improve as he practices, but I don't want him to worry about that. I'm just glad he's enjoying it!

While we were sitting there, I got a call from Eli's school. The nurse said he had fallen off some playground equipment and hurt his back. She said there weren't any bruises or anything, and she didn't sound too worried. School was going to be out in 10 minutes, and my dad had already told me that he'd pick up Eli, since I was at Noah's practice, so I didn't worry about it.

A little while later, my mom called me to say that Eli wasn't doing well at all. She said his back was really hurting, and he couldn't take a deep breath. So I decided to take him to the emergency room, and I rushed home to get him. When my mom said he couldn't take a deep breath, I was worried that maybe he broke a rib and punctured his lung or something.

He wasn't doing very well when I got home, and I worried the entire way to the hospital. Once we got there, it was a lot of waiting. The doctor checked him out, and said they wanted to x-ray his back and chest. After lots more waiting, the doctor said that his x-rays looked good--nothing was broken or misplaced, and he had probably just bruised it pretty badly. So that was a relief! He's probably going to be pretty sore tomorrow, so I may keep him home from school, but I'm just glad it was nothing serious.

When we got home, we played a game of Hedbanz, so he's feeling quite a bit better now :)

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Cross Country

Today was such a lazy day. I'm back to a running schedule, and today was a rest day, so I took that quite literally. It rained all afternoon, so Jerry and I watched the season premiere of Sons of Anarchy and the season finale of Extreme Weight Loss. I had been really excited for Sons of Anarchy, but both Jerry and I agreed it wasn't a very good episode.

The Extreme Weight Loss episode was awkward, to say the least. I think I'm done watching that show. There was a 15-year old girl on last night's episode (along with her father), and throughout the episode, there were several things that I just didn't agree with. I've already mentioned how I think the initial (very public) weigh-in is degrading to the contestants, but to have a 15-year old girl go through it was awful to watch. I think the show should have had her weigh in privately, and not reveal her weight. Also, she was given a very lofty weight loss goal for the first 90 days, and I think they should have given her a goal that was much less intimidating, or no "numbers goal" to focus on at all.

*SPOILER ALERT* (Skip to the next paragraph to avoid spoilers)--She doesn't reach any of her weight loss goals through the entire year, which couldn't have been good for her self-confidence. The worst part of the episode, in my opinion, was when Chris and Heidi were driving around, following the girl and her dad to catch them in the act of cheating on their diets and cutting their workouts short. Then, Chris and Heidi confronted them, and they lied about it--of course they shouldn't have lied, but the way they were confronted made it seem like an attack. Heidi shamed the teen for drinking a 200-calorie coffee drink with her friend, by discussing that she should have been eating just 1250-1300 calories per day, and working out at Crossfit for two hours, along with walking an hour or two after school. I'm no dietician, but that sounds a little "extreme" to me--1300 calories for a teenage girl doing 3+ hours of cardio each day? (Yes, it's "extreme" weight loss, but I don't think that a 15-year old should be on the show in the first place).

Anyway, I just feel like the show has changed its purpose. In the beginning, I felt like Chris Powell was truly passionate about helping people with their weight loss goals, but the show this season really felt like it was all about exploiting overweight people. Does anyone else feel that way? To me, it seemed similar to what happened with The Dr. Oz Show--at first, he was all about helping people, and later, it just felt like one gimmick after another.

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On Friday, Noah brought home a sign-up sheet for cross-country at school. He said he was thinking about joining, and of course I encouraged him to. It's only six weeks (so if he didn't like it, it wouldn't drag on), and I would love for him to get involved with a sport in addition to summer baseball.

His first practice was yesterday, and I was so nervous all day for him. Noah is a worrywart, just like his mom, and he said he wished he didn't sign up because he was so nervous about it. I gave him some tips on not going out too fast (when you tell kids to run, they usually sprint--so I told him not to try and keep up with the kids in the front, because he'll burn himself out).

His practice was at 2:35, and he told me to pick him up at 4:00, but of course I went to the track at 3:00 to see how things were going. The high schoolers were on the track practicing, too. When I first got there, I saw the middle schoolers, including Noah, running around the track. He looked like he was pacing himself well, so I was glad! Two of his friends had joined the team, also, so he knew a couple of kids there (easing his anxiety). It looked like the kids were running a lap, and then taking a break or walking a lap.

I was really interested to watch the high schoolers practice. They were running 400-meters, two kids at a time, and they were fast! Being the running nerd that I am, I used my phone to time them, because I was curious if they were as fast as they looked from the bleachers. The faster kids were doing the 400's in 60-65 seconds--that's pretty fast, especially considering it was the first day of practice! They did 50-meter sprints after that.

Seeing the high school kids practice made me really wish that I'd run track or cross country in school. I actually never even really knew what track or cross country was! I knew it was something to do with running, and that I hated running, so I wasn't interested. Noah really liked his practice yesterday, so I'm hoping that he continues to enjoy it. I'm glad he chose cross country and not football--watching kids run is so much more enjoyable to me than watching football! ;) His practice today was canceled because of the storms, but he has another practice tomorrow.

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Wedding weekend

My brother's wedding weekend was so much fun! It didn't start out that way, however, because the flight out to Minnesota was terrible on Friday. It's been all over the news about the power outages in southeast Michigan right now--well, that was caused from the weather we had to fly through to get to Minnesota. I didn't know anything about it until we were in the plane and the turbulence was so bad I cried.

After flying several times over the past few years, I thought I'd pretty much gotten over my fear of flying (I was still scared, but nothing that a couple of pre-flight glasses of wine couldn't help).

But after the flight Friday, I feel like I'm back to where I was a few years ago. The turbulence was really bad, and the plane dropped altitude a couple of times, which made me panic. I gulped down wine on the plane, but I still embarrassed myself by crying actual tears. The turbulence lasted about an hour, with the worst of it being for about 20 minutes.

But once we made it to Minnesota, everything was great! My parents had rented a house for all of us to stay in. The only people going from Michigan were my parents, Jeanie and Shawn (my sister and her husband), Nathan (my younger brother), and Jerry, myself, and the boys. Everyone else at the wedding was from Becky's family (Becky is Brian's now-wife) and their friends.

On Friday evening, my mom had invited Becky's whole family to the rental house for a non-rehearsal rehearsal dinner (there was no wedding rehearsal, so we just had the dinner). Brian asked me to help him with a project--he wanted to make a sign to hang under his quadcopter that said, "Just Married". He'd bought paint and fabric at JoAnn's (he actually called me from the store a few weeks ago to ask about what to buy). I had no clue, but when I saw what he bought, I did my best to make the banner ;)

Friday night was my first time meeting Becky's family, and they were fantastic--very laid back and fun. We had dinner and drinks, and I was so exhausted that I went to bed at around 10:30 (which was 11:30 Michigan time).

On Saturday, I had been planning to go for a run with Nathan around this amazing trail system close to the rental house. Nathan had to do 13 miles, so here is his route--how awesome is this?

I hadn't gotten any sleep that night, even though I was dead tired, so I chose not to go for the run. I really regretted it when Nathan got back and said it was amazing! (All of us were SHOCKED at just how many people were out running or biking at any given time throughout the weekend. Just staring out the window of the house for 10 minutes, we'd see at least 10 people go by. In Michigan, I'm lucky to come across just one runner in a 10-mile span!)

Anyway, us girls had to be to Becky's parents' house at 8:00 in the morning for hair and make-up. After our vacation and the trip to Minnesota, and some other stuff going on, I couldn't justify spending so much money to get my hair and make-up done right now, so I just went along for chit chat and to watch the other girls get beautified. Becky had gotten me a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks to sip--yum!!

After the girls were done with hair and make-up, we went back to rental house where I got ready. I pulled my hair into a side chignon and clipped a hot pink flower in it (the dresses were gray, and Becky gave us pink jewelry to wear). I did my make-up, and put on some hot pink heels that I bought at the thrift store (for $4!) a couple of days before. I was pretty happy with my hair and make-up, and I'd saved $130 by doing it myself! I wish I had better pictures, but things were really busy and I didn't think to get any good ones. Hopefully, I'll get some from the photographer.

The ceremony was at Minnehaha Falls Park. I have to say, I wish I could go back in time and redo my ceremony to be like theirs! They only invited their immediate families to the ceremony (Brian, Becky, their parents, siblings, and spouses). We took photos before the ceremony, and then when the photos were done, the officiant told us all to gather around closely for the ceremony. It was very small, informal, and intimate, and I loved that. It was less than 10 minutes, too!

After the ceremony Brian wanted to practice flying the "Just Married" sign with the quadcopter. It was a little heavy, but he did get it to go airborne for a few seconds.

Then we headed to Becky's parents' house, where the reception was being held. The reception was very informal (I even brought jeans and a sweatshirt to change into later). They had about 200 people come, and they had a pig roast for dinner. The food was fantastic, and the decorations looked like they were straight off of Pinterest.

Brian had the idea to home-brew beer and bottle it with cute labels as wedding favors

Becky's mom surprised them with this adorable decoration! (Brian is a pilot)

My parents said they would take the kids back to the rental house that night, so Jerry and I could take advantage of the open bar. Becky had set up a tent for us to stay in that night (several other people were staying in tents, also). Normally, I don't dance at weddings, because I am so self-conscious; but after wearing the bikini in Punta Cana and gaining some self-confidence, and some liquid courage from the bar, I actually danced quite a bit--and it was SO fun!

After the DJ packed up, we had a bonfire and chatted for a few hours with several of Brian's friends before heading to the tents at around 2:00. I was exhausted from not sleeping much the night before, and I slept surprisingly well in the tent. I honestly can't remember the last time I slept in a tent before that!

Looking anything-but wide awake in the morning ;)

In the morning, we had brunch at Becky's parents' house. Our flight was at 3:30 in the afternoon, and I was so nervous about getting back on the plane. I asked Brian to check if there was going to be turbulence, and he said it looked totally clear the whole way, which made me feel a little better. The flight ended up being uneventful, which was great ;)

It was definitely a whirlwind of a weekend, but so much fun to hang out with my family and to welcome Becky to the family!

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Motivational Monday #77

Happy Motivational Monday! I'm home from Minnesota, and my brother's wedding was fantastic (I'll write about it tomorrow). The past couple of weeks have been SO busy, but things are back to normal for now. Vacation and the wedding were a great end to the summer!

I think it goes without saying that my proudest moment of the past couple of weeks was stepping WAY out of my comfort zone and wearing a bikini for the first time. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done (and I realize that sounds ridiculous), but I'm so glad that I did it.

Well, I have a ton of stories to share today, because it's been a couple of weeks since I prepared a MM post. Enjoy!

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Tiina just completed her first triathlon! The race consisted of a 750 meter swim, a 24.5K bike ride, and a 5K run. Despite having panic attacks during the swim, and an extremely hot day, she pushed herself hard and finished in 2:10:14! (Tiina's race report)

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Katie got engaged in 2010, but didn't want to set a wedding date because she was unhappy with her weight. She couldn't bear the thought of all those pictures being taken when she didn't feel good about herself. Last September, they finally set the wedding date, even though Katie wasn't at her goal. She put off wedding dress shopping until the last minute, and when she saw the pictures of her in the dress, she was really disappointed in her appearance. She joined Weight Watchers, and committed to exercising daily (exercise videos on YouTube, and training for a 10K race). By the time her dress came, she had lost 25 pounds and her dress had to be taken in! She is currently down 45 pounds and went from a size XL/14+ to a S-M/8.  Even after the wedding, she's still working on getting to her goal weight and improving her fitness!

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Felicia just recently PR'ed one of her favorite races--a 10-miler as part of The Crim Festival of Races in Flint, Michigan (they offer a 1-mile, 5K, 8K, and 10-mile race, along with a Special Olympics run). In November, 2011, she lost weight by eating better and exercising. Then in 2012, she started running. She beat this year's Crim time by about 5 minutes, finishing in 1:58:35!

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Two years ago, Lesleigh ran her first race--a local 5K. She finished in 43:30, was very happy with her finish time, and developed a love for running. Since then, she's run several more races, including two half-marathons. Recently, she ran the same local race that started it all--and this time, she opted for the 10K. She finished in 1:03:30, exactly what she'd hoped to finish in! She's was thrilled that her 10K time was just 20 minutes more than her 5K time, showing just how much she's improved as a runner over the past couple of years.

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Laura recently completed the We Glow Run 5K--and is proud that it was the first time she was able to run the whole race! She finished in 35:30, an 11:25/mi pace, which is faster than she's ever run that distance. She's also lost 65 pounds since she started running a few years ago!

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Megan is a Family Medicine intern, which means she basically works 12+ hour shifts, 6 days per week, so she doesn't have much (if any) "free time" to train for a race--but she just completed a half-marathon! The long work shifts have made eating well and exercise difficult for her, but she managed to carve out the time necessary to train for this race when she really just wanted to go home and sleep. The race took place after her second month as an intern, so it was a crazy couple of months with the training and the working, but she did it!

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In February, Melinda received some devastating news--her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She didn't want to just sit back and see what happens, so she decided to do something that she thought was an impossible task--train for and walk the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure. The walk consists of 60 miles(!) split up over 3 days, so roughly 20 miles of walking per day. She raised the donation money, and started training in early March. She completed 570 miles of training before the weekend of the walk. And last weekend, she did it!! She walked 60 miles over 3 days, and when she crossed the finish line, the tears started rolling at the feat she'd just accomplished. (By the way, Melinda's mom is doing great--she's been through chemo and a mastectomy, and now she's got about five weeks of radiation left, and she should be in the clear.)

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Angela recently ran her first 5K! She and her husband had a trip planned to Calgary, Canada (her hometown) and she noticed that there was a race the day after she arrived. She and her best friend, Shannon, signed up to do the race together, and she trained for two months (in the Alabama heat). They set a goal to finish under one hour, and she ended up finishing it a full 15 minutes faster than that! She said it was great to share this experience with her best friend, because they live so far apart.

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Denise has always been into fitness, doing DVD's, Body Pump, Zumba, kickboxing, etc, for the past 20 years, which has kept her in shape. Feeling tired of the usual routine, she decided to give running a try about a year ago. She was surprised to find how difficult it felt, despite being in good shape! A few months ago, a friend suggested signing up for a half-marathon, so she agreed and started training right away. The race was very tough, being hilly with six miles of trails, but she did it! She felt very strong through the race, and despite her pace being slower than expected (due to the tough course), she had a great time. She's even planning to do another half in December!

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Crystal is training for her second half-marathon. Her first was in March, and was very difficult because she wasn't sure how to fuel properly. Yesterday, she tried using ShotBloks and fizzy tabs of Gu for water, and it made all the difference. She planned to run 11 miles, but was feeling so great that she ended up running an impromptu practice half-marathon. Her goal for the half-marathon is 2:30, and she actually finished this one in 2:25!

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Amber recently made some changes that she is very proud of, and she's lost 29 pounds! She had lap band surgery, but prior to the surgery, she made some dietary changes and lost 11 pounds. Once she was cleared to exercise after surgery, she started walking on the gym at the treadmill. At first, she was just able to go 2.0 mph, and now she's up to 3.4 mph after a month!

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Erin just started a new healthier lifestyle a week ago, and she was thrilled to see that she was down 7.4 pounds in her first week! She used a nutritionist, My Fitness Pal, and her Fitbit as tools to keep her going, and she was very happy with her results so far. She feels very motivated to keep going!

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A huge congrats to everyone! Make sure you check out the Motivational Monday Facebook post for more stories :)

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The Evolution of a First-Time Bikini-Wearer

As promised, I am dedicating this entire post to the most uncomfortable (but exciting) thing I've done in a very long time... wearing a bikini for the first time in my life.

I've always wanted to wear a bikini, because all my friends did, but even when I was young, I felt ashamed of my body. My weight went up and down several times through the years, but I never felt like I was worthy enough to wear a bikini, for crying out loud.

When I was losing weight, I knew that even after the weight loss, I wouldn't have a "bikini body", because I'm pretty loaded with stretch marks--both from the excess weight and from having two large babies. My surgeon told me that even after my skin removal surgery, my stretch marks would still be visible, because of how high up they went. I was okay with that--I hadn't expected the surgery to give me the perfect body.

Every summer, when we go to the beach or a pool, or even a hotel pool, and I'd see women in bikinis,  I would briefly entertain the idea of possibly wearing one, despite the stretch marks, scar, and loose skin. When I was at my thinnest, just under 130 pounds, I still didn't feel "worthy" enough of wearing a bikini.

Recently, however, I've started to feel more confident in my body--which is very strange, because I've gained quite a bit of weight this year (15 pounds on a good day, 20 pounds on a bad day). But I've been trying to step out of my comfort zone a bit, and when we planned our trip to Punta Cana, I thought it would be the perfect time to wear a bikini in public--because nobody would know me, and I'd never see any of them again.

There were very slim pickings at the store, because I went in late August, but I found a couple of tops and a pair of bottoms that were shorts (bearing my stomach was hard enough, so I wanted to cover what little of my thighs that I could!). I was going to return one of the tops, because I only needed one to wear for a single day before wearing a one-piece bathing suit, but Jeanie, my sister, convinced me that I'd need more than one bathing suit. She said I should bring it, and if I didn't wear it, I could return it when I got home.

We stayed 7 nights in Punta Cana, and before we even got there, I was chickening out about wearing the bikini. I figured I'd put it off, and hopefully feel okay in wearing it for just one day toward the end of our trip. When we got there, Jeanie told me I should wear it the first day, and just get it out of the way--that way, I wouldn't be worrying about it the whole trip. That made a lot of sense.

To spoil the ending, I never even took the tags off of my one-piece suit--I wore a bikini the entire week! It was funny to see just how my attitude changed throughout the week, so I'll share that with you here:

Day One: I was SUPER nervous to put it on. My hands were literally shaking, and I decided to go next door to my sister's room to ask her very honest opinion about whether I should wear it. I felt super self-conscious just standing in front of her, and we weren't even in public yet! She assured me I should wear it, so I put on a cover-up over it, and we went down to the pool. I thought maybe I'd just avoid the pool the whole day, and stay in the cover-up, but it was hot and I wanted to cool off.

Taking off the cover-up for the first time was SO hard. I was sure everyone was looking at me. Finally, I just yanked the cover-up off, and beelined down the steps of the pool before anyone could see me. I was so surprised at how the water felt on my bare belly--it was strange! Once in the water, I felt okay, because the water came up to my chest.

When I got out of the pool, I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, and then as soon as I was semi-dry, I pulled on the cover-up again. There was no way that I was going to sit on the lounge chair without covering myself, and that's how it went for day one.

Day Two: When deciding what to wear, I almost put on my one-piece, but then I realized that I actually wanted to wear the bikini again, because it's less fabric to dry off (important when you're in and out of the pool all day). Again, I wore a cover-up over it.

At the pool this time, when I got out, I dried off with the towel, and then laid on the lounge chair just covering my stomach with my hands. I was getting a little braver!

Day Three: Didn't even think of wearing the one-piece. Wore the same suit as the day before, because it was very comfortable. At the pool, I didn't even hesitate when taking off my cover-up, and I took my time walking down the steps into the pool. When I got out, I didn't hurry to cover myself up again.

Eli wanted me to walk with him to get fries on the beach. Instead of drying off and putting on the cover-up, I walked to the beach and back in just the bikini. I was sure everyone was looking, but nobody paid any attention--it was awesome!

Jerry and I spent probably an hour in hysterics, taking pictures of each other under water. It was so fun!

I love this pic, because you can see the kids in the background watching us ;)

Day Four: Wore a bikini again. We were going to go snorkeling, and Jeanie said we would just wear our bathing suits on the boat. I couldn't imagine that--walking to the beach, then to the boat, riding in a boat, getting in and out of the boat... in a bikini?! I was going to bring a towel, but at the last minute, I ditched it. We walked to the beach to sign up (the warning flag was up, however, so we couldn't go snorkeling--but I walked to the beach and stood there at the scuba shop for about 15 minutes in just my bikini.

Day Five: Jeanie went home, but I still wore the bikini. By this point, I had no problem taking off the cover-up, lying on the lounge chair with my belly exposed, etc. I even sat in one of the floats we brought, which isn't a very flattering position, but I did it anyway.

This day, when I walked to the bathroom, I didn't put my cover-up on. That meant walking all the way around the huge pool, to the bathroom, and inside where there were mirrors and women looking into the mirrors. I tried not to look at my belly (at least not judgmentally) in the mirror, but I did see it and notice the stretch marks and imperfections. But, I did not feel bad about myself. There were tons of women at the resort in bikinis, and they were all sorts of different shapes and sizes. Some with stretch marks, scars, loose skin, wrinkles, etc. If they could do it, I could, too... and at least fake being confident!

Day Six: The final day before our travel day home. There was one thing I wanted to do all week, but I was nervous to do it. It seemed so silly! I wanted to get a picture of Jerry and me on the beach, and I wanted to wear just my bikini--no cover-up. It just seemed like the perfect way to finish the week of the bikini.

So we went to the beach, and Noah snapped a few photos of Jerry and me. They aren't fantastic pictures, and I'm not going to photoshop out the stretch marks or anything. I like the photo because it reminds me of how I went from my hands trembling at the thought of wearing a bikini to wearing one all week long, and actually feeling confident in it by the end. When I look at the picture, I don't immediately look for my stretch marks, loose skin, and extra pounds. Looking at the picture makes me feel confident, and happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone. It wasn't nearly as scary as I'd imagined it would be!

If you've always wanted to wear a bikini, but you don't feel "worthy", I highly encourage you to do it--regardless of your size, shape, or imperfections. This was a HUGE confidence booster for me! And I guarantee it won't be the last time that I wear it ;)

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New size, new attitude

This has been such a busy week for us! Tomorrow, we head to Minnesota for my brother's wedding (we're just going Friday through Sunday, so it's a very quick trip). I didn't think of it when I planned our vacation--Punta Cana until Monday, kids started school Tuesday, Minnesota on Friday, wedding on Saturday. Crazy, right? But fun-crazy!

Today, I started packing, and the weather is supposed to be pretty cool--a high of 67 tomorrow, and 76 on Saturday. So I started trying on my fall clothes, particularly my jeans...

And they don't fit. There are only about two pairs that I can wear publicly.

I did have a bit of a moment, though. I had been feeling really good about myself all morning. I've been binge-free for a while, I've been eating intuitively, I even wore a bikini on vacation (that post will publish tomorrow). The scale was down again this morning, meaning my weight is up only two pounds since I left for vacation, which I am thrilled with. The point is, I was feeling confident and good.

Until I tried on my jeans.

When I got to my goal weight, I donated every pair of jeans that was even slightly too big. All of the jeans I own fit me comfortably at my goal weight (with the exception of two stretchy pairs, which are the ones that fit me now).

So when I tried on the jeans today, my mood immediately changed, and I felt like crap. I was feeling really down on myself, and feeling fat even though I felt rather thin just an hour earlier. And it was then that I realized just how stupid the whole thing was! It's not my weight that was making me feel fat and bad about myself. It's my clothes, because they're not the right size for the weight I am now.

Like I wrote recently, of course I want to get back to my goal weight (I felt the best and ran my fastest at that weight)... but right now, I'm feeling happy with what I'm doing. The intuitive eating is working, and I feel better than I have (in regards to food) in a long time. I am thrilled that I'm binge free, and that I can eat what I like without worry. If I was to stay at this weight, where I am right now, I can honestly say I'd be okay with that. I don't think I look bad, I'm healthy, and I feel confident--so it's really dumb to let some clothes ruin that!

I started to beat myself up about the clothes incident today, but stopped myself almost immediately. Instead of letting it ruin my day, and probably my trip, I decided to go to the thrift store to get some clothes that fit. I used to love thrift shopping, but since gaining the weight, I've avoided it. I kept telling myself, "When I get back to goal, I'll go again..." I really didn't want to go to Minnesota this weekend feeling bad about myself, so this afternoon, I went to the thrift store and bought a few things--a couple of pairs of jeans, and about five tops.

The jeans are very comfortable, and I was a little stunned to see they were a size 10 (the jeans in my closet are size 4). But the strange thing was, I was not at all upset by the size. Sure, I hope that by intuitive eating, my size will get back down to a 4, but for now, I am okay being a size 10. I feel good when I have these jeans on, and I don't have to squeeze into them.

I just found the whole situation today to be eye-opening. I can remember many times, at many different sizes, when I've tried on clothes and it brought me to tears. I even skipped a couple of big events when I was at my heaviest, because I just couldn't find anything to wear that fit me. When I went to the thrift store today, I decided to buy whatever was comfortable and made me feel good about myself, regardless of the size. When I got home, and I tried on the stuff I bought for Jerry, even he could see the change in my attitude. (He's heard ALL the moaning and groaning in the past when I've tried on clothes--poor guy!)

Tomorrow, I'm going to confidently wear my size 10 jeans, and medium top, and I won't give a single thought to feeling fat... because I feel good!

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Tomatoes

The kids' first day of school was yesterday, and so far, it feels kind of strange. Noah is now in middle school (!!), so our routine is definitely different than it used to be in the spring, when the kids went to the same school at the same time. Noah has to get up at 6:00, and out the door at 6:45. Eli has to be out the door at 7:45, so there's a whole hour gap between their bus arrivals.

Yesterday and today, I walked Noah to the bus stop, and then realized I had the perfect amount of time to squeeze in a three-mile run between taking the kids to the bus stops. So I ran three miles (Jerry was home with Eli) and then got Eli and walked him to the bus stop. I kind of like having that gap in there, because rather than sit around and twiddle my thumbs for 45 minutes before taking Eli to the bus, I can get in a run. Then after dropping off Eli, I can shower and start my day.

I was actually pretty excited to run today, because I got a new pair of shoes from Altra Running to try out. They sent a pair to all of the bloggers who are doing the Runner's World Half & Festival next month, because they are a sponsor of the race. I am a huge nerd for pretty much everything to do with running... except for shoes. I don't know diddly squat about shoes! I'm partial to my Brooks Adrenalines, because I've never had an issue with them--I just wish they came in prettier colors for wide feet!

Anyway, the Altra One Squared shoes that they sent look very different from your typical running shoe. But I was giddy when I opened the box, because I couldn't believe how light they were. And then I walked around the house in them, and I wanted to sleep with them on my feet--that's how comfy they are! The toe box is ginormous, making it look like I have duck feet, but I love that I can spread out my toes.

I was excited to take them for a quick spin, and planned to just run a mile around the neighborhood. The shoes have a zero drop platform (I had no idea what this meant, but learned that it means your heel and forefoot are the same distance from the ground), and Altra recommends just doing short runs at first while you get used to them.

They definitely felt different than what I was used to, but they were really comfortable. I didn't have any problems, so instead of just doing a mile, I ended up doing three.

57 degrees this morning! Without the humidity, it would feel like fall

Today was my first day trying the shoes, so I can't say if I'm going to switch completely over when it's time for new shoes, but it's nice to have another option. Other shoes I tried on at the store just aren't wide enough for my big feet.

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I mentioned the tomato and basil bruschetta yesterday, and I still have this ridiculous craving for tomatoes--it's SO strange. I go through phases where I crave a certain food, and I eat it all the time for a while, but I've never craved tomatoes in my life. Yet, this morning, I made an English muffin with diced tomato, and eggs with cheese.

Then for lunch, I wanted the bruschetta again. So I chopped two Roma tomatoes, and added some olive oil, basil, salt, and pepper. Then I sliced the bread and toasted it, and rubbed a little garlic on it before topping it with the tomato mixture. It was SO good. I think I actually moaned when I took a bite.

The tomato thing is weird, but at least it's a healthy craving ;)

I was happy to see that the scale was back down three pounds this morning, so I knew that most of what I gained on vacation was water weight. I haven't been very hungry yesterday or today, so I wonder if that's my body's way of making up for the extra calories on vacation? Since starting intuitive eating, I've really enjoyed paying so much attention to my body and how it feels, and what I'm craving, and all that. I just find it so interesting.

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After taking the entire summer off of races (other than a few easy 5K's), I think I'm ready to start training again. I'm running the 5K and 10K next month at the Runner's World Half & Festival (I have coupon codes for those, if any of you are thinking of running it), but other than those two races, I don't have anything on the schedule. I was feeling kind of nostalgic looking through my old training log from when I was training for my first half marathon, and it made me want to do Hal Higdon's half training again.

The Monroe Half (my hometown race that I did last year) is on November 9th. So starting on Monday, I think I'll pick up Hal Higdon's plan on week 5, and run the race in November. I'm not going to be trying to PR, but I feel ready to follow some sort of structured plan again after taking some time away from that, and his plans were my go-to when I was a beginner. (I may be running the race with my friend Adam, depending on if he's keeping up with his training).

One of the things I miss about being a beginner is that feeling of accomplishment over a new distance. I remember feeling awesome after my first 5-, 8-, and 10-mile runs, because it was such a big deal. One day, those distances didn't seem so big, and now they've become typical, if that makes any sense. I think by following the plan, and not always doing more than necessary just because I can, I may feel that build-up of excitement as the distance increases again. And who knows, maybe I'll work on trying for a PR in the spring!

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