Less than 24 hours until surgery!

I’m so irritated right now because my internet has been down since just after I wrote yesterday’s blog. I can’t stand not being able to check my e-mail and blog comments and all that! Oh, and yesterday morning, Jerry was driving to work when the van overheated, so he came right back home and had to use a vacation day (there wasn’t enough time for him to get the Jeep and make it to work on time). I just came to my mom's for a minute to post this with her internet.

My surgery is less than 24 hours away as I write this—I’m SO excited!  Yesterday, I had Jerry take a whole bunch of “before” pictures of me and my saggy belly. I’m not at all sad to see it go, but I just want to make sure I get all the pictures I want before it’s gone. I can’t wait to compare photos a few weeks and months from now.

Here, you can see why I don't wear form-fitting clothes! I had to tuck my skin into my capris, and it bulges out).

Last night, Renee, Jessica, and I went out to dinner at La Pita. It’s an AMAZING Middle Eastern restaurant that I love, and Renee and Jessica had never been there.  I ordered my usual chicken kabob, which comes with hummus, warm pita bread, salad, rice pilaf, and my favorite—garlic sauce. It’s a pure white dip that has the texture of mayonnaise, and tastes like pure garlic heaven. LOVE that stuff! My kids asked me to bring some of it home, so I bought a 12 oz container of it for home.

Renee and Jessica really liked the food, which made me happy—since it was my idea to go there, and because it was kind of far to drive (40 minutes). I wish we had taken a picture of us there! Totally forgot about it. We were too busy inhaling garlic and hummus and pita bread!

Today I’ve been trying to get my house ready for when I come home on Tuesday. I want to have everything clean and ready for me to just relax for the next 10 days. I still have to get a few groceries, but I have no car today (Jerry had to take the Jeep to work, and my dad is going to fix the van later today). I have to pack overnight bags for the kids, because they are going to stay at my parents’ house for 3-4 days.

The kids were invited to a birthday party this afternoon. I feel so rushed to get everything done, but I already told them I’d take them to the party. After the party, they’ll go to my parents’ house for the night, and I’m going to bed at about 8 PM tonight. I have to leave at about 3:45 in the morning! My surgery starts at 6:30, and it’s supposed to take about six hours. I showed Jerry how to write updates on my blog. I apologize in advance if he updates a little too frequently! I am going to have him take lots of pictures and a video or two and I’ll post them as soon as I can. Maybe Wednesday?  I’ll be home on Tuesday evening, but I don’t know how I’ll be feeling.

Don’t forget to watch my Dr. Oz episode on Friday!! As soon as it airs, I’m going to publish the posts I wrote about the whole 24 hours I was in NYC for the taping.

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One year

A year ago today, I was feeling like crap--physically and mentally. I was struggling to get back on track with my diet and I had just gotten over a cold. My weight was up about 7 or 8 pounds from a couple weeks prior, and I was feeling like it was the beginning of my gaining all the weight back.

Instead of doing the logical thing of getting myself together, I went to Kroger and bought a container of Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream. Not a small container; the size that is just under a half gallon. I brought it home and thought about it all afternoon. After Jerry left for work, I dished out a (large) helping of it and started eating. After that bowl was finished, I went back for more. And more. And before I knew it, I had finished it off.

I was so full and lethargic after eating that. I hadn't binged like that since before losing over a hundred pounds. I felt so guilty--about eat like a cow, and about lying on the couch afterward because I felt so full and sick. I felt like the world's worst mother, and I decided to ask the kids if they'd like to watch a movie with me. I let them choose the movie, and they chose Wall-E.

I so badly wanted the ice cream to hurry up and digest because I felt SO FULL. I was lying on the couch, and Noah was lying next to me; Eli was sitting by my feet.  At about 7:45 pm, I noticed that Noah had fallen asleep. I remember it was the part of the movie where the space ship tilts, and all the people start sliding down to the bottom. I decided to take Noah to bed and tuck him in. Eli was still awake.

I picked Noah up (at 6 years old, he was about 50-55 pounds).  I carried him to his bed, and set him on the top bunk. I tucked his covers around him, and he woke up. Sleepily, he asked if I would turn on his TV. I said sure, that I would turn on a movie for him. I turned on his DVD player, and was overcome with nausea.

I started to feel light headed, and my mouth was watering really badly like it does before you vomit--I thought, "Oh no, I'm going to throw up this ice cream! I better get to the bathroom."  And I started walking toward the door of Noah's bedroom, nauseous and with tunnel-vision.

The next thing I remember was feeling disoriented, confused, and my head felt extremely heavy. I realized I was lying on the floor face-down, my arms at my sides. I realized I had fainted, landing flat on my face. I started moving my limbs to make sure nothing was broken. I lifted my head and my vision was kind of blurry, but I finally recognized where I was. My face felt wet, and when I looked down, there was a big puddle of blood on the floor.

I panicked when I realized it was coming from my mouth, because I thought maybe I lost some teeth. I started feeling my teeth with my tongue to make sure they were all there, and then it hit me: I realized I had broken my jaw. I couldn't bite my teeth together, because the center of the lower half of my mouth felt like it had collapsed. My teeth were so misaligned, and I kept trying to bite them together, thinking maybe it just popped out of place and I could pop it back in.

I ran to the bathroom and started spitting out blood into the sink, and rinsing my mouth out. There was a hole through the skin under my lower lip, and another hole on the bottom of my chin, and that's where the blood was coming from. Once I realized that this was not something I could fix myself, I looked for my phone. I frantically called my mom (who lives just 2/3 of a mile away) and she heard the panic in my voice. She rushed over.

And that would begin what would become six nights at the hospital, including two surgeries and having my jaws wired shut for the holidays.  You can read the rest of the story and see all the pictures on my "The Accident" page.

I don't know why this became such a defining moment of my life. Lots of people break bones and it doesn't consume their thoughts. I think about this accident every single day of my life. Every time I'm tempted to eat too much sugar; every time I eat ice cream; every time I look in the mirror and see my scars and my jaw that isn't very proportioned anymore.

And as weird and creepy as this is going to sound, there is a small speck of blood on the backsplash of my bathroom sink. It's been there for a year. And when I clean, I clean around it. I cannot bring myself to wipe it off. I know--I realize this sounds ridiculous. 

If I could go back to a year ago today, I wouldn't change anything, as strange as it sounds. I learned who my true friends were, and that my family would do just about anything for me. I learned not to be afraid of surgery--which gave me the courage to seek out a plastic surgeon for my lower body lift. I learned that my body really missed running when I had to take a few weeks off. I learned that my body does NOT like it when I eat too much sugar--I get severe anxiety, shakes, and a racing heart. I learned how to make a smoothie/protein shake at least a thousand different ways ;)  And I think the accident was a cruel way of getting my ass back on track.

The best outcome from the whole ordeal was spending so much time with my family!

So, friends, eat something hard and crunchy today, for me--just because you CAN!  :) 

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Spoke too soon

Last night, I was getting undressed for bed, and I noticed a sprinkling of red spots across my chest, shoulders, and upper back. It's the same damn rash/breakout thing that happened when I was drinking the whey protein last year. I quit drinking it in the early spring, and the spots went away after a month or so. Then a week ago, I started having a shake every day to get ready for surgery, and I thought I was in the clear... until last night.

I'm 100% sure it's from the whey. I've eliminated everything else that it could be (including laundry detergents, shampoos and soaps, different foods) and slowly added each thing back in over the past year. I suspected it was the whey, but now I'm sure.

So I returned the big 5-pound bag of chocolate whey protein to Sam's Club today, and went to a few different stores looking for pea protein--no luck. I've tried brown rice protein, and it tastes just like brown rice, which is gross when you're making a Snickers shake! I have egg protein in the pantry, but I haven't tried it yet. I won't use soy. So my options are limited. I think I'll order some pea protein from Amazon.

Noah was coughing all night long, so I kept him home from school today--and it kind of threw off my whole day. I took him to the doctor at 9:30, and I was TERRIFIED of catching whatever all the sick kids have--if I get sick, I'll have to postpone my surgery. I put my sweatshirt up over my mouth and nose and left it like that the whole time I was there, as ridiculous as I looked. I actually ran into Renee as we were going into the exam room--one of her boys is sick too!

We stopped at the mall to go to GNC and see if they had the pea protein. While we were there, Noah I suggested we get a cookie from Mrs. Fields. We each ordered a peanut butter dream bar, and the girl who works there said, "Those are buy 2 get 1 free, would you like another?"  Do you even have to ask?! So I had a peanut butter dream bar for lunch, and it was delicious--and it kept me full until dinner!  Which it should, because it has 670 calories. At least I didn't have it in addition to lunch--I had it INSTEAD OF lunch.

I didn't get to run my 11k outside today, like I planned. Since Noah was home, I was stuck with the dreadmill. I had to look up how far 11 kilometers was...it's 6.835 miles. So I watched TV, tried to come up with a legitimate reason to quit early, and ran the 6.835 miles. My body feels great now (a little sore, meaning I haven't been running as much as I should have been lately!) but I think that was my final run for 2011. Unless I get some crazy idea to go for a run this weekend.

11-K on 11-11-11

I'm so glad that I backed out of the night run tonight. I really just want to get comfy in my fleece pajamas and stay warm! It was in the mid-30's today. I even drove to the school to drop off Eli's winter coat. He left this morning with a thin jacket. When I stepped outside to take Noah to the doctor, I was shocked at how cold it was, and I felt like the worst mom ever. So I grabbed his coat and took it to the school.

While I was in Sam's Club, I got a call from Eli's teacher. He got a red face on his chart today (which is bad) because he told some boy on the playground that he was going to rip his feet and head off, because the kid was being mean to him. Yikes. Is that normal boy stuff? I hope so.

I've gotten a lot of e-mails lately from readers that are worried about my surgery... I think that's funny, because I'm not even worried--and I'm always worried about something! I'm about 95% excited and 5% nervous. I know everything will be fine, I'm just nervous because I don't know what to expect. I'm going to try and answer some of your questions tonight. I read comments on the blog, then make a mental note to go back later and respond, but I always forget! I do the same thing with e-mail. Sorry.

That extra peanut butter dream bar is calling my name...... I won't eat it. I promise. But I still haven't told Eli about it. The right thing to do would be to give it to Eli, since he went to school and missed out. Right? But Eli doesn't need that crap, so maybe I should just eat it. That would be the good-mom thing to do, right? ;)

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Snowball

I was finally able to sleep in a little this morning--6:30. My boys were already up, of course. After I got them off to school, I went through our bills and paid them; Jerry has no clue how to pay the bills or even how much money he makes! So I just wanted to get as much done as possible before my surgery on Monday.

I was looking at my "snowball" spreadsheet to pay down our debt, and I got really motivated again to get a move on it. We haven't used the credit card in over a year, but the balance just doesn't seem to be getting any smaller. I really hope things keep going well with my ads on the blog, because I can use that money to pay off my surgery and then get going on the credit card debt. I recently told my mom how much we owe on the credit card, and I think she almost had a stroke. I will feel so FREE when we are out of debt!

So anyway, I refigured our budget and cut back everywhere I could (not that we haven't already done that). My not being able to go anywhere for a while is going to help, I'm sure--every time I run into the store for "just one thing" I end up buying a lot of little things that add up.

I decided to give my kids an allowance, also--just $5 per week. But I'm going to make them use THEIR money when they want something (obviously, I will pay for the necessities, but I always get suckered into buying them stuff they don't need). I'm also giving me and Jerry each $20 a week for the random crap that we want. I actually took out cash for this, so that we can actually see what we are spending, and hopefully spend less.

Chocolate Lovers Shake--so good!

I've been making different protein shakes every day, to start working on all the protein my surgeon wants me to eat.

I will probably be posting a lot of the recipes on my recipes blog--today I did a "chocolate lovers" shake that was really good; yesterday was "cinnamon roll"; the day before that was "Butterfinger".

These are all recipes that I adapted from some Herbalife recipes--I don't use Herbalife products, so I had to improvise their ingredients with something similar. I'll try and get those recipes up this weekend.

It's this time last year that I broke my jaw and was living off of shakes (literally). I got really sick of them by February, but now I really like them again.

Noah gave me a little card last night that I thought was so sweet!

In case you can't read 7-year old, it says:

My Family
1. Mama smart
2. Daddy funny
3. Noah funny
4. Eli creative
I love my family!

Noah has this knack for giving me things like this right after I scold him for something, which always makes me feel horrible.

Phoebe is recovering well. She spent the evening like this on my chest last night:

The puncture wound she has on her back is almost completely healed over. I was putting the warm compresses on it for a few days, and I really didn't think it was doing any good, but I guess I was wrong!

I'm back to square one with Paolo. It's so frustrating trying to find a home for an adult cat!! Especially Paolo, who has "special needs"--he's missing a lot of teeth, so he needs soft foods.

So tomorrow starts my final weekend with my big old belly skin. I can't wait for it to be gone, but it's almost a little sad. I might be going out to dinner with Renee on Friday or Saturday; and I want to get in a final long run; other than that, I have no real plans!

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RECIPE: Oatmeal Recipes Galore!

I've talked about my love for oatmeal numerous times in my blog, but I've never actually made a post of all my favorite ways to eat it. So I'll do that here!

I eat oatmeal hot or cold, depending on my mood. So first I'll talk about hot oatmeal:

I never prepare oatmeal with just water. It turns too mushy and it has no flavor. I use almond milk to cook my oatmeal. Sometimes I cook it on the stove and sometimes I cook it in the microwave. Sometimes it boils over in the microwave, so here I'll write about cooking it on the stove.

In every bowl of oatmeal, I use: 40 grams of Old-Fashioned oats (scant 1/2 cup); 3/4-1 cup almond milk, depending on how liquid-y you like it).

Then I choose add-ins, whatever I'm in the mood for. Here are some favorite combos that you just throw right into the pot with the oats and almond milk:

• raisins, cinnamon, pure maple syrup (top with walnuts)
• mashed banana, PB2
• cocoa powder, PB2, pure maple syrup (to sweeten)
• 1 Tbsp. brownie mix(!!!), PB2
• pumpkin, cinnamon, raisins, pure maple syrup (top with walnuts)
• chopped prunes, PB2, pure maple syrup
• stir in chocolate chips and coconut when done cooking the oatmeal
• chia seeds, mashed banana, cinnamon
• mashed banana (top with mixed dried tropical fruit (chopped) and coconut)

Steel cut oats topped with dark chocolate peanut butter

Oats with chia seeds, banana, cinnamon, and maple syrup

Oatmeal with dark chocolate chips and coconut

Oatmeal with banana, raisins, cinnamon, chia seeds, and maple syrup

Oatmeal with pumpkin, raisins, cinnamon, and maple syrup

Steel cut oats with apples. raisins, and brown sugar

Oatmeal topped with mixed dried tropical fruit

Oatmeal topped with Barney Butter

While I love hot oatmeal, eating cold oatmeal is the BEST. Sometimes I eat it out of an almost-empty nut butter jar or a peanut butter bowl (see below), or sometimes I just eat it out of a bowl.

If you're a nut butter fan, when you jar is almost empty, you can make your oatmeal right inside the jar and eat it that way. If you're like me and aren't patient enough to wait for the jar, you can make a peanut butter bowl--just take a blob of peanut butter (or other nut butter) and smear it around the bottom and up the sides of a bowl. Then put it in the freezer for 10-15 minutes, and it will look like this:

To make cold oatmeal, you can prepare it the night before or you can prepare it the morning of. I never think far enough ahead to prepare it the night before, so I use chia seeds to thicken it--it only takes about 10 minutes that way. If you don't use chia seeds, you can either reduce the liquid by about half, or you can let it sit overnight to soak up the liquid.

For cold oats, I combine in a bowl:  40 grams (about 1/2 cup) old-fashioned oats, 1/2 cup almond milk, 1 Tbsp. chia seeds, and a teaspoon of maple syrup.  (If you are soaking the oats overnight, you can leave out the chia seeds). Then add one of the following (or your own ideas!):

• cocoa powder  (tastes best in a peanut butter jar/bowl)
• cinnamon and raisins  (tastes best in an almond butter jar/bowl)
• any kind of dried fruit  (no nut butter needed)
• cocoa powder, chocolate chips, and coconut  (no nut butter needed)

Stir well, and then pour it into the nut butter jar or the peanut butter bowl. Set it in the fridge for about 10-15 minutes until the chia seeds do their thing and thicken it up. (If you don't use chia seeds, you'll have to soak it a lot longer to absorb the liquid).

These are actually hot oats in a jar... I like cold better

Barney butter jar, raisins, cinnamon, chia seeds

Barney butter jar, cocoa powder, chia seeds, maple syrup

Barney butter jar, raisins, chia seeds, cinnamon, coconut

Peanut butter jar, cocoa powder, chia seeds

Peanut butter bowl, cocoa powder, chia seeds

In addition to hot and cold oatmeal, I've also been in love with this baked oatmeal, these oatmeal bars, this granola, and these oatmeal cookies.

Flourless Monster Cookies

Baked oatmeal

Homemade Granola

ENJOY YOUR OATMEAL!

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It worked!

Well, apparently my being ravenously hungry the past few days really was from PMS--because I started my period today. Normally I don't talk about that on here, because nobody wants to read about that, but let me just say that I am THRILLED. I was supposed to start this Sunday... and if you follow my drift, that means I'd be on my period during my surgery on Monday, and for a few days post-op. Sounds like fun, right?!

So I've been begging and praying to God that I would start early so that it doesn't interfere with my surgery. And it worked! I should be good to go for the most part by Monday. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me.

I finally wrote a post this morning about all my favorite ways to prepare my oatmeal--which is one of my most frequently asked questions. I posted it on my recipes page, so you can find it here. I should have written that a looong time ago!

I didn't end up doing anything fun with the kids today :(  It was raining all morning and just really dreary. Then at lunchtime, my dad called and asked the kids if they wanted to go to his house, and of course they did. Maybe I'll watch a movie or something with them when they get home.  We also have all weekend to spend time together.

They were invited to a birthday party on Sunday at a roller skating rink. I told Eli and he was so worried about it because he's never been skating before, poor kid. Maybe I can take them on Saturday to practice, and then he won't be so worried about it on Sunday.

Oh, so my weigh in. I knew it wouldn't be good, but I didn't expect it to be as bad as it was:  I was 147, which means I gained 3.5 pounds since last Wednesday. I didn't take pictures because I wasn't too happy with the gain. I am not going to flip out about it though, and I just hope that my appetite goes back to normal  now and my weight goes back down. I'll weigh myself on Monday before surgery, and then probably not again for a couple of weeks--I know I'm going to be swollen and I don't want to worry about my weight then.

I'm going to take a whole bunch of 'before' photos on Sunday. I plan on taking progress photos every day post-op. I still have no idea if I'm going to post them here, but I will at least want them for myself. I may make a video diary of the whole thing too.

Did anyone happen to see the demo on The Biggest Loser last night about the brains of thin people vs. the brains of obese people? I LOVED how well Dr. Linden, a brain scientist from Johns Hopkins, explained that, and it made so much sense! If you missed it, here is the gist:  When a thin person sees/smells yummy food, a part of their brain is moderately aroused. When an obese person sees/smells the food, that part of the brain is VERY aroused and they get an intense craving. When the thin person eats the food, that part of the brain gets very active and they are very satisfied with it.

But when the obese person eats it, that part of the brain is only moderately satisfied, so they eat MORE--and keep eating more until they are as satisfied as the thin person who only ate a small portion. It's so hard to explain here, but the diagram that they showed on The Biggest Loser was helpful. Here is a quote from TBL website:

"Typically, a lean person will crave a food much less than an obese person, but they'll get a greater pleasure response. So obese people don't overeat because they want food more - it's that their level of satisfaction is so much less. Furthermore, stress hormones go right to the brain and cause a craving for comfort food. Exercise, meditation, playing with grandchildren will all reduce stress and ameliorate the situation."

 Anyways, I just found it very well explained. I also realized last night that Hell could freeze over and Bonnie will STILL be on the damn show! Good grief.

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Good to Go For Surgery

I got quite a bit done today. I was 'supposed' to take Paolo to the shelter today, but I just couldn't do it! I'm so afraid that he'll either not get adopted or he'll go to a bad home. I looked on Craigslist today to possibly put an ad on there for him, but I started reading other ads and one was a scolding letter to the reader who is considering taking an animal to the shelter. I felt too guilty. I just wish I'd taken him to the shelter the second we discovered him living in our shed, because now I'm attached.

Anyways, I started the day with a 3-mile run on the treadmill. I decided to focus on the quality of the run rather than the quantity--so I ran sprints for the first mile, then I started running at 6.0 and increased it by 0.1 every 1/4 mile. I finished the three miles in 27:48.

After I showered, I headed out to get a few things done--I stopped at the post office to mail something, then I went to the lab to get blood drawn for my surgery. I went to the UPS store to mail a form I had to fill out--the consent for my surgery to be filmed. I got my three post-op prescriptions filled, and I am now good to go for surgery! I stopped at the vet to pick up some pills for the cats.

I've had my cats on Frontline Plus (for flea treatment) for YEARS, and they've never had fleas. Until we took in Paolo. I still put Frontline on them once a month, but all four cats somehow started getting fleas. The Frontline is just not working at all anymore. So I got a pill for each cat at the vet today that kills all fleas in about an hour.

I never used these pills before, because I never needed to--but I gave each cat a pill as soon as I got home. Within 20 minutes, they were all scratching fiercely. The fleas started dropping off of them like crazy. That shit works GOOD! After about an hour and a half, the cats were peaceful and all the fleas were dead. I ran a comb through all of them to collect the dead fleas, and then I cleaned the heck out of all the surfaces the cats sleep on, and I did a really thorough vacuuming of the house. I'm hoping that this will take care of the flea issue.

My weigh-in tomorrow is NOT going to be good. The past few days I've been ravenously hungry, and I've eaten much more than I have been the past few weeks. I'm still not going to panic, and I'm just going with it. Maybe I'm PMSing or something, and next week I'll go back to a normal appetite. Well, next week I probably won't have much of an appetite at all (post-op)!

My kids don't have school tomorrow, so I think I'll try and do something fun with them--after my surgery, I won't be doing much at all for a while, and I feel so guilty about that! I'll see what they want to do--and chances are, it will involve McDonalds.

I told Renee today that I am not going to do the 11k run on Friday. I just want to have a stress-free weekend, and I get stressed over things like that--I'll be too slow, I'll be tired the next day (11 pm is way past my bed time!). I think I might do a long run on Friday during the day, and call that my last run of the year!  I won't be running again until 2012. It's going to feel so weird!

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My Dr. Oz Show air date!

I just got an e-mail from Ali, the producer from The Dr. Oz Show, and she said that my show is going to be airing on Friday, Nov. 18th. It's on a 4 pm (EST) on ABC. I'm SO SCARED to see it! Thankfully, it's just after my surgery, so I'll be drugged up on Vicodin and hopefully not so critical of myself ;)  I really hope that they send me the "after" photos with Dr. Oz soon! I would like to have it when the show airs.

Renee came over last night for wine, and I told her about the whole Dr. Oz thing. And then today, I met her and Jessica for coffee to re-tell the story to Jessica :)  I ordered tea again--I still haven't had coffee since the day I gave it up a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't believe how bad my headache was from not having it, so now I just don't want to start drinking it again. And my anxiety level went down a lot when I gave it up!

When I got home, I made a Snickers protein shake for lunch--I haven't had one in almost a year, and I forgot how good it is! It honestly tastes just like a Snickers bar.

Renee asked me if I wanted to do a night run this Friday. It's on 11-11-11 at 11 pm, and it's an 11k run. A nice play on numbers :)  I decided to go for it, since it will be my last big run before surgery. It's not a race, but there is a big group of people doing this run. Hopefully it will be fun! I just hope I don't hold everyone back because I'm not exactly a speed demon.

Our neighbors brought over a couple of bags of cat treats today--they felt so badly about Phoebe being locked in their shed. That was super nice of them, but they have NOTHING to feel badly about! Phoebe does that crap to herself, and it's her own damn fault she got locked into the shed. But it was nice of the neighbors to think of her. And of course, as I held open the door to take the treats, Phoebe ran outside again.

Well, Jerry is going to be home in 15 minutes and I haven't a CLUE what I'm making for dinner. G'night!

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RECIPE: Snickers Protein Shake

Since I'm getting surgery next week, my doctor wants me to get a LOT of protein. This protein shake tastes JUST like a Snickers bar. It's a yummy treat!

Here is a printer-friendly version!

Snickers Protein Shake

1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk (or whatever milk you'd like)
1 serving of chocolate protein powder (I used EAS brand whey protein powder)
1 Tbsp. instant vanilla pudding mix
1 Tbsp. instant cookies & cream (Oreo) pudding mix
1 Tbsp. peanuts
1 Tbsp. Torani sugar-free caramel syrup
1 cup ice cubes

Put everything in a blender and blend until smooth. Makes 1 (2 cup) serving.

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Fall fun

Jerry was off work today, and he's switching back to day shift, so we were both up at 5:30 AM. It felt kind of weird to spend a morning with him. When the kids woke up, they went outside with Jerry to rake the leaves in the yard. We have a LOT of leaves!

Jerry raked them into this HUGE pile and the boys hollowed it out to make a fort. They had a blast. I stayed inside where it was warm. Phoebe won't leave her wound alone, so I put the cone on her:

She kept trying to lick her wound with the cone on, and it was hilarious. What was NOT so funny was Noah opening the door and letting Phoebe outside with her cone on! She ran into the woods. I knew she'd have a hard time getting around in the woods with that stupid cone, so I once again, set out to look for her.

I was trying to clear a path while I was walking, and it took forever just to move a short distance. I kept calling for Phoebe, and I heard her trying to make her way toward me--she realized that she was fucked trying to walk in the woods with that cone on her head! She looked so mad at me when I picked her up and brought her back in the house.

---

Today was the hungriest I've been since starting this non-diet thing 20 days ago. I just felt like eating and eating and eating. But I actually started looking at that in a different light... I barely ate anything in NYC, and I was so stressed last week about the Dr. Oz Show that I wasn't eating much. I think maybe my body is just trying to make up for those missed calories.

So instead of fighting it, like I would have in the past, OR beating myself up for eating "too much", I just went with it. I didn't binge, and I didn't try to restrict my eating. I just kept reminding myself that this is what my body is SUPPOSED to do. Even if I ate 3,000 calories today, that must have been what my body was needing today. Kind of hard to explain, but looking at it that way made so much sense to me.

Since it is a rare occasion for Jerry to be off and the kids to be home with us and not have anything going on, we decided to take the kids out to dinner for a special treat (it's a treat to go out to dinner because we never do!)  After a ton of deliberation in the car, we all agreed on Red Lobster.

I ordered a half-order of the Shrimp Linguine Alfredo with a Caesar salad, and I ate one biscuit. There was probably only one cup of pasta total, and I shared a few bites with the kids and Jerry. I ate about 3/4 of the salad, and two bites of Eli's chicken tender. Then the four of us shared a dessert--a warm chocolate chip lava cookie with ice cream!--I left feeling just barely full, which was perfect. I really like this way of eating, because it feels so normal!

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I forgot to mention this before, but I wrote the PR Director of Sparkpeople to let him know about my being on Dr. Oz. He wrote back and was very excited for me, but he mentioned that if I do the show, there would be no chance of me being in People magazine's Half Their Size issue--which as I've mentioned numerous times, has been a HUGE dream of mine.

People magazine won't take success stories that have been featured in the media before, so I essentially gave up one dream for another. I'm happy with my decision, because I had sooo much fun doing Dr. Oz. Also, there was NO guarantee that I would be in People even if I should reach 126 pounds. (Although, the PR Director from Sparkpeople met with the editor of People's Half Their Size recently and the editor said she thought I was "adorable" and was interested in me for 2013).  Having that 'People' dream definitely helped me reach my goals, so I don't mind putting it to rest now :)

I really don't even know why I was so interested in that (or doing TV!) because I'm sooo SHY. A lot of the success story people on TV get all excited and jump up and down and dance and all that fun stuff for the camera, but I just acted like myself--which is kind of reserved, unfortunately.

Oh, and speaking of that! Remember the "You can do it!" video I made for Sparkpeople? I was one of the seven members that was chosen for the video presentation they made. I was e-mailed a rough copy of the video and it looks awesome! It should be ready for public viewing soon, so I'll post a link as soon as it's ready. Lots of fun stuff happening lately!

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