June 22, 2023

Three Things Thursday: Attraction

I have a million topics in my head for Three Things Thursdays, but when it comes time to write them, I just can't think of the three things to write about each topic. Today, I asked Jerry and he said I should do "3 Things I Hate About You"--meaning "you" as in people in general (not a hateful post, but in a fun way). I feel like I've written too many negative things lately, so I decided to do Three Things That Attract Me To You.

By "attract", I don't mean romantically (or even physically). I just mean in general--strangers or friends--people that have attractive qualities. So here goes... three things that attract me to you...

1) Good listeners.

This is HUGE for me. If I was to write a list of the best attributes people can have, being a good listener is at the top of the list. It's such a general term, though... what makes someone a "good listener"? These are my thoughts:

*They don't get a far-away look in their eyes when they are "listening"--you can tell that they are actually absorbed in what you are saying.

*They aren't thinking about what they are going to say next rather than listening to what you are speaking at the moment. (This reminds me of a sign I saw recently and I liked it so much that I wrote it down:

"Don't listen to reply. Listen to understand."

*They aren't distracted by their phones. This is probably my biggest pet peeve--I think it's so rude to be on your phone when in the company of others! It's rare for me, but I've been guilty of it before--just last weekend, I was at a get-together and Jeanie called me and was really desperate for some help formatting a PDF to send to her realtor--she and Shawn just sold their house to move up north--and I would have felt terrible making her wait until the next day (which is when it had to be emailed by). So, I spent some time working on that. I did feel very rude, though, and I normally wouldn't have done that.

*They don't turn everything into a story about themselves when you are trying to say something.

*They make you feel like what you have to say is important (whether they think it is or not).

*They don't interrupt or talk over you.

There are probably more I could list, but these ones are important to me. My love language is "quality time"--this includes feeling heard and listened to and like what I have to say is important. I'm a quiet person in general, and I really don't like it when I finally start to say something and get interrupted.

Truly good listeners are few and far between. The first person that comes to mind for me is Becky (Luke and Riley's mom). She has all of the qualities I've listed above, and she has this way of making you feel like you are the most important person in a room full of 100 people. Since meeting Becky and observing her listening skills, it made me want to be a better listener--so I've been consciously working on it continuously.

I had no idea what picture to use here, so this is just a pic of Becky and me

2. People who perform random acts of kindness to strangers and *don't* share about it on social media.

It doesn't happen often, but sometimes I'll witness a very sweet interaction strangers--maybe it's as simple as buying a coffee for the person in the drive thru lane behind them, or writing and hiding anonymous KIND notes for people to find, or cutting your neighbor's grass when they have a busy week. I absolutely love people who have compassion for others, even strangers (and especially animals!), and they help others by second nature--they don't have to think about it and they certainly don't have to tell people on social media.

(I really can't stand it when people take videos of themselves giving money to homeless people or paying for someone's entire cart full of groceries or something like that, and then posting it to social media. Sure, maybe it's a "feel good" thing to do, but that kind of defeats the purpose. I think it's exploiting the people who didn't ask for that.)

Anyway, doing something kind for someone else (a stranger or a friend) can cost absolutely nothing and there is something so *good* about people who choose to do something nice without worrying about what they will get in return.

3. People who are kind and good to public service workers.

I'm talking about restaurant staff, hairdressers, customer service in stores, cashiers, and jobs like that. Noah has a job at Lowe's and he spends most of his shift loading heavy bags of mulch into people's cars/trucks. You would be amazed at the number of people who get mad at him for taking too long or who yell at him for not having the kind/color they want, etc. It's ridiculous! He's working an entry-level job that is full of sweat and heavy lifting--be nice! Be patient! (Loading mulch isn't even technically his job--it's a courtesy for those who need help.)

One thing I will never understand is how people can be so mean--especially to strangers. And especially to strangers who are just doing their jobs! When I see people being exceptionally nice to service workers, it warms my heart. I've worked as a server (in several different restaurants), a hostess, a pharmacy technician, a cashier, a bagger/cart collector, a video store clerk, and probably a couple of other service jobs. Having experienced how terrible people can be, I take extra care to be kind and respectful to service workers. I have a ton of respect for them--the patience you have to have to deal with rude customers is mind-blowing.

Back to the point of this, when I see someone treating service workers with extra respect and kindness, I think it speaks volumes about that person.

Eli at his restaurant job, clearly screwing around ;)

There you have it--three things that I find attractive in people. There are some personality traits that speak a LOT about someone's whole personality (such as the one I listed above). Of course, this isn't always true, but it has been in my experience.

If any of these three things applies to you--thank you! Whether it's with words, money, or time, you're doing a great service and possibly making a big difference in someone's life!


  1. Oh dear. I'm guilty of so many "bad listener" things, especially making the story about me. Thanks for reminding me to be a better listener. Hope you have a great weekend!

  2. Being nice to service workers is a huge thing for me too! I worked in retail for 6 years and my husband still works in retail. The entitlement some customers have is astounding to me. Like these are actual human people. Somebody's family member. And some customers treat these employees like robots! It seriously sickens me

  3. I agree with all of these and think this says something about YOU - who values these traits of kindness. I appreciate the positive post! You have me thinking about what I find attractive in others. I appreciate those who take time with children or seniors. We were all young once and could use extra patience and if we're lucky, we'll be seniors and might need something repeated, read for us, a hand with groceries, etc.

    I'm such a dinosaur with social media I never really realized that people do kind gestures while on video and then post. That is just nutty. No different than getting on the PA system and announcing it at the store. sheesh.

  4. I agree about the handing money to strangers and videoing it thing feeling very cringe. But, I wanted to mention a side of it that maybe doesn't immediately come to mind? The person who is giving out that money generally is making money from the video, which makes it pretty exploitative. But at the same time, posting those videos is what makes them the money so that they can do those things. Without the video, they wouldn't have the money to be giving away.

    I still don't really like it, but there is definitely a way that creators can do stuff like that in a better way while still sharing it online and making money to be able to continue doing it.


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