Well, today was another bad day. I spent the whole morning trying to think of someplace I could go that wouldn't cost me a fortune. Flights are SO expensive right now that I can't fly anywhere. And gas is so expensive that driving very far would cost just as much as a flight!
I debated using a buddy pass to fly to my friend Sarah's in Arizona, but the problem is that a lot of flights are being canceled lately. Even if I got there via stand-by, there isn't a guarantee that I would get home on time. And Sarah is coming here to visit on Thursday anyway!
There's been quite a bit of drama around here (not with Jerry or me) and I just needed to get away. My sister said I could drive up to her property, and ultimately, that's what I decided to do. I packed my things and was ready to go 10 minutes later. It's a 10 hour drive, so I wasn't looking forward to that.
For days now, my anxiety has been really bad. And immediately, when I started driving, I couldn't let go of that feeling. I even had to turn off the radio and my podcast so it was silent in the car (that makes for a long 10 hours!). I started feeling a panic attack coming on and I really needed to take a break and calm down, so I stopped at a rest area.
I saw on my GPS that my arrival time to Jeanie's would be after 1:30 AM. Not only do I hate driving in unfamiliar places--places in the middle of nowhere--but driving in the dark makes it so much worse.
After agonizing over it (and texting a few people) I decided to turn around and come back home. I'd only made it about two hours before turning around, but what a waste of time and gas!
Okay, I promise to do my best to post normal stuff tomorrow. I haven't felt this much anxiety and (mild) depression in such a long time! Have a great night :)
I had hoped and planned to post pictures of Noah's bedroom today, but right now is just not the time. Tomorrow, I'll work on it in the morning so that it's ready to go. I'm going to cut this short right now because I want to just take my anxiety meds and hopefully fall asleep. I haven't eaten dinner yet either (it's after 8:00, which is late for me to eat) so I'm starving.
Sorry for the downer of a post! I really hope the cost of flights comes down soon.
Anxiety and panic attacks are awful. People that don't have that issue really don't get it at all. Luckily for me, my husband understands even though he's never dealt with it. I can't fly and hate bridges. People say "your way safer in the air than on the ground" and it's like, no, I don't think the plane is going to crash. I have anxiety disorder. I want to have a shirt made that says wont ask for advice, don't need it, use it on yourself!
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love. As a panic attack survivor (for decades) I know the pain. It's so tough. I'm working on a free ebook about what I did to heal myself and not have them any more. It's been a decade now. I still get anxiety, but nothing close to the pain of panic. If you want me to send it when I'm finished with it, I'd be happy to email it to you, but I don't want to send something unwarranted. Sending hugs too.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds so rough. I hope flights come down soon. Thank you for being vulnerable. Sending positive and healing thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteA gentle word of advice: flying right now is very stressful, and I don't know that you want to do that right now. I know you've struggled with flying and anxiety in the past so I worry about it being really hard on you.
ReplyDeleteAny where local you might like to 'get away' to for a few hours/day? I went to a new forest park nearby at the weekend and the change of scenery helped me and my stressed out husband. Many people round here walk a lot more after Covid, I see them walking past my house even though my road is just a loop and doesn't go anywhere.
ReplyDelete