It was a VERY humid morning. I headed out fairly early, at 7:00, but it was already really muggy. I just decided to pretend I was running in Key West ;) I didn't carry water with me, because I usually don't need it for ten miles or less, but since it was so humid, I stuck close to home. I planned to do a six-mile loop and run by my house, stopping for water if needed, and then do a three-mile out-and-back.
It was a GREAT run today. Even though it was humid, causing me to practically drown in sweat, I felt really good. I don't know what planted this idea in my head, but I started thinking about ditching my tank top when I ran past my house, and running in just my sports bra.
I've never, in my entire life, bared my belly in public. I've never worn a bikini (even as a kid, I always wore a two-piece). When I was pregnant, and friends asked to see my belly, I was adamant about saying no. Shortly before I started losing weight, my friend Melissa asked me if I would want to go with her to auditions for The Biggest Loser (couples' edition). I said that I would rather stay fat than let anyone see my stomach.
But once I got the thought in my head, I spent a few miles talking myself into it. I know my belly looks much better than it ever has, thanks to the weight loss and the skin removal surgery. However, I still have stretch marks, and the skin is still loose (the only way to correct that would've be with a vertical incision from my breast bone to my pubic bone, and I didn't want that).
As I ran, I kept thinking about how absolutely terrifying it would be to run in just a sports bra, but how liberating it would feel to get rid of those insecurities. When I was obese, if someone had shown me a picture of my future stomach (what it looks like now), I would have been ECSTATIC with it. I would have said that I'd walk around naked, just to show off my new body! ;) But now that I'm here, in this body, I still have insecurities, although they aren't as bad as before.
So, I asked myself, "What's the absolute worst thing that could happen if you run in just your sports bra?" And the only thing I could come up with is that someone would make a rude comment to me while I was running. Big deal! Sometime over the past few years, I stopped caring so much about what random people thought about me. And I decided to go for it, even though I was super nervous.
At mile six, I stopped at home for a second to throw my shirt in the house. I didn't want to look in the mirror, because I was afraid I would chicken out. I hesitated at the door to go back outside, but then, before I could change my mind, I opened the door and ran off the porch, down the driveway, and into the street.
I was running... without a shirt. Something I never, in a million years, would have ever thought I'd be doing.
And it was SO liberating! The breeze cooled me off much better than when I had my tank on. When I looked down, I could see the skin on my stomach bouncing a little, but I honestly didn't even care. I had thought that maybe I would just run around my neighborhood, so I wouldn't run into many people/cars; however, I was feeling so good, that I went on a busy road and ran a mile and a half out, turned around, and ran home.
Nobody made comments to me, no cars crashed from my blindingly white skin, and people barely even glanced at me as they drove by. It was awesome!
|50 shades of pale|
It was fun to do something that was so scary for me. I don't look anything like the high school girls that run cross country in their sports bras (who I see out training occasionally), but considering I'm a formerly-obese mother of two, I'm very happy with how I look now, and I'm going to keep working on not feeling self-conscious of my flaws!