Friday, August 30, 2013

Liberating!

This morning, I had a five mile easy run on the schedule; however, I planned to run nine miles instead of five (I'll write more about that tomorrow). Since I finished Breaking Bad yesterday, and haven't decided on a show to watch next on the treadmill, I decided to run outside, regardless of the temperature.

It was a VERY humid morning. I headed out fairly early, at 7:00, but it was already really muggy. I just decided to pretend I was running in Key West ;)  I didn't carry water with me, because I usually don't need it for ten miles or less, but since it was so humid, I stuck close to home. I planned to do a six-mile loop and run by my house, stopping for water if needed, and then do a three-mile out-and-back.

It was a GREAT run today. Even though it was humid, causing me to practically drown in sweat, I felt really good. I don't know what planted this idea in my head, but I started thinking about ditching my tank top when I ran past my house, and running in just my sports bra.

I've never, in my entire life, bared my belly in public. I've never worn a bikini (even as a kid, I always wore a two-piece). When I was pregnant, and friends asked to see my belly, I was adamant about saying no. Shortly before I started losing weight, my friend Melissa asked me if I would want to go with her to auditions for The Biggest Loser (couples' edition). I said that I would rather stay fat than let anyone see my stomach.

But once I got the thought in my head, I spent a few miles talking myself into it. I know my belly looks much better than it ever has, thanks to the weight loss and the skin removal surgery. However, I still have stretch marks, and the skin is still loose (the only way to correct that would've be with a vertical incision from my breast bone to my pubic bone, and I didn't want that).

As I ran, I kept thinking about how absolutely terrifying it would be to run in just a sports bra, but how liberating it would feel to get rid of those insecurities. When I was obese, if someone had shown me a picture of my future stomach (what it looks like now), I would have been ECSTATIC with it. I would have said that I'd walk around naked, just to show off my new body! ;) But now that I'm here, in this body, I still have insecurities, although they aren't as bad as before.

So, I asked myself, "What's the absolute worst thing that could happen if you run in just your sports bra?" And the only thing I could come up with is that someone would make a rude comment to me while I was running. Big deal! Sometime over the past few years, I stopped caring so much about what random people thought about me. And I decided to go for it, even though I was super nervous.

At mile six, I stopped at home for a  second to throw my shirt in the house. I didn't want to look in the mirror, because I was afraid I would chicken out. I hesitated at the door to go back outside, but then, before I could change my mind, I opened the door and ran off the porch, down the driveway, and into the street.

I was running... without a shirt. Something I never, in a million years, would have ever thought I'd be doing.

And it was SO liberating! The breeze cooled me off much better than when I had my tank on. When I looked down, I could see the skin on my stomach bouncing a little, but I honestly didn't even care. I had thought that maybe I would just run around my neighborhood, so I wouldn't run into many people/cars; however, I was feeling so good, that I went on a busy road and ran a mile and a half out, turned around, and ran home.

Nobody made comments to me, no cars crashed from my blindingly white skin, and people barely even glanced at me as they drove by. It was awesome!

50 shades of pale
I thought it was pretty funny when I looked at my splits. I was trying to run an easy pace (high 9:00's to mid 10:00's). You can see just how nervous I was when I took my tank off, because my pace for that 7th mile was 8:58. When I'm nervous, I always run faster!


It was fun to do something that was so scary for me. I don't look anything like the high school girls that run cross country in their sports bras (who I see out training occasionally), but considering I'm a formerly-obese mother of two, I'm very happy with how I look now, and I'm going to keep working on not feeling self-conscious of my flaws!

50 comments:

  1. I love this! A few months ago, I decided I was going to walk for exercise out on a busy road close to my house. I had the same thought as you about the worst thing that could happen would be a rude person. I even had comebacks prepared for if that happened! :-D

    Happy to say that nobody was rude, but one guy did ask me if I needed a ride. Politely said no thank you and kept on walking!

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  2. You look great!!!
    We all have insecurities, no matter what.
    Good for you for being so brave!!!
    You are so inspirational!

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  3. GOOOO Katie!! I am finding that the older I get the less uptight I become about what 'others might think.' that being said what a fantastically, liberating and amazing day for you!
    PS: You look great.

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  4. I think you look great! You should totally do it more often!

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  5. Way to go! I know that must have taken a lot of courage and you do look great.

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  6. I think you look great too! And as I was reading this I got tears in my eyes when you said you got rid of the shirt. I also exercised in my sports bra today, but I do step aerobics in my basement (and I'm an old lady ;)

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  7. OMG, I am so proud of you and this post nearly made me cry. Good for you for finally braving the world with your new tiny shape. You have no idea how great you look and you should be proud of how far you have come. Your picture looks fantastic. You look fit and strong!
    Way to go girl!!

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  8. I think you look great and I'm so glad I clicked to read this tonight...It put a smile on my face. I hope to be in your same spot one day. Congrats, I know that took a lot of courage to do.

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  9. Way to go Katie! :) You are amazing and inspirational - and you look awesome too! Good for you!!!

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  10. You look awesome!! I'm so glad that you ditched the tank - so great to get past an insecurity!!

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  11. If I saw you in my neighborhood I would've thought oh look at that cute teenage girl, honestly!

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  12. Good for you! I've only run in a sports bra once, and it was when I used to run at my parents house where there is deserted dirt roads. Now that I live in a more suburban area, I am too afraid too! Maybe I should try it out once again!

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  13. Amazing! So proud of you, Katie. I took my top off on my walk today and my friend said- "you can totally pull it off." I made some comment about being lucky/having good genes but the truth is: I work my butt off for that 43 year old-mother-of-two belly. SO. Good for you!!!'

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  14. THIS is an awesome post! You rock that sports bra :)

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  15. You look great! I would run in a sports bra if my stomach looked that good!

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  16. You look absolutely fantastic, it must have been so liberating and you look like you are having a great time in the photo!

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  17. Good for you!!!! You should be proud of yourself for all that you do and have done! You look fabulous and even more important you felt fabulous doing it!! Keep up the good work! It's good to push your limits once in a while

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  18. You're awesome. You've come a long way and you should be proud of all your hard work.

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  19. "no cars crashed" I laughed so hard when I read that!!!
    I go to a group run on Saturday mornings and tomorrow I have 20 miles on the schedule and I was just thinking that if it gets really hot I'm going to take off my shirt even if it scares somebody! If you hear on the news that cars crashed in Ann Arbor because of runners... LOL

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  20. WoW! That's so awesome! You are truly an inspiration! I saw your pic on instagram (I think it was) and was so excited for you! Way to go for facing your fears.

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  21. Good for you! You've literally worked your ass off to get to this point, you look amazing, and even though I don't know you, I'm so freaking proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone! And LOL at your 50 shades of pale caption. :P

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  22. You look fantastic! You can totally rock a run in just your sports bra!!! How tall are you Katie?

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  23. Katie you look awesome! Rock on and don't pay attention to what other people think. Now I wanna go on a sports bra run!

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  24. You're going to hear this a thousand times,but you look fabulous!! And confident!!

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  25. Katie-
    You look great!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!
    Running without a shirt is one of my biggest goals!!!!
    ~Laura

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  26. ROCK on Katie !!!!! : )

    Super proud of you of standing (or in this case, running) in your OWN space..... you look AMAZING !

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  27. Bravo! You look fabulous...but even if you were larger it would have still been just fine. Anyone out there working on a healthy lifestyle is entitled to be comfortable, regardless of their size. Congrats on making such a big step, Katie!

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  28. I'm feeling unable to take my shirt off and run in my sports tank with my upper arms and stomach jiggle. Maybe after another ten pounds...

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  29. You have no reason to be insecure about the way you look, you've come so far and you really are in great shape, so show it off girl! Be proud of what you've accomplished and who care what anyone else thinks. I got married last year and wore a bikini in Cancun. I was 45 at the time and about 25 pounds over weight. I was a little embarrassed at first but my husband thought I looked great so I decided, who cares! I wore that bikini again in Hawaii this year.

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  30. Wow, what a great accomplishment! I can't even imagine bearing my loose skin in such a way, but the picture of you makes me imagine it wouldn't be so bad :)

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  31. congrats to you!! you really do look great. and now you've locked on to one of the key components of looking great: CONFIDENCE. something most of us women rarely get and something that most of us don't use, if and when we actually get it. so cheers to you, and rock that confidence in yourself, because you totally deserve it :D.

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  32. This. is. so. awesome.! I would love to see more posts like this! This is truly inspiring. Thank you.

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  33. Woohoo! I feel your joy in that picture :D

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  34. You look absolutely amazing!! And I am inspired even more than before. I've lost almost 60lbs, following your approach. It's been a rough summer, but getting back on track. Thanks for sharing and inspiring so many!

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  35. you're such an inspiration!

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  36. You go girl! My first sports bra run was also strange and liberating.

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  37. Congrats! I can wait until I can run in my sports bra and a pair of shorts. I'm glad that you were able to break through that mental barrier cause you look awesome!

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  38. You look FANTASTIC!!!!

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  39. You look great! You should always wear what you want, you totally have the body for it. It was interesting to me what you said about if your former self could see your future self. We always find something new to be self conscious about, don't we? You beat that fear and looked awesome doing it. :) So inspirational you are....

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  40. *applause*

    Good for you!! You look fantastic!

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  41. Good for you! You look fantastic and strong!

    Grace

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