I'm in AWE that I actually made it through the day without a binge! Seriously. I was so mad at the scale this morning that I just wanted to say 'eff it' and eat a bunch of junk. I really thought about it. I even went to Kroger for a couple of things we needed and was thisclose to buying cookies or cake or something. Then later, I decided to go to Target for some new pj's (and to kill some time away from home, so I wouldn't be tempted to eat!) Well, Target is in the mall and so is Mrs. Fields, and you know my love affair with cookies + frosting.
Again, I was super duper tempted, but I didn't do it!
THEN, I really DID say "eff it" and decided I was going to buy a monster cookie. For my new readers, THIS is a monster cookie:
Two sugar cookies with a fuckload of buttercream frosting. They should seriously be illegal. Anyway, I went to the store to buy one, pulled into the parking lot, and then used EVERY OUNCE OF MY WILLPOWER to turn around and go home. I did! I'm not lying!
If I don't see some serious progress on the scale soon, however, I may not be so strong. I reeeeally need to reach my goal by the end of June.
I did buy some new pj's today, which made me feel good about myself--because they are a size small. And if I had tried them on and they didn't fit, I would have cried. Maybe even died. I haven't tried on new clothes in a while because I just feel crappy about the 10 pounds I'd gained back. Yesterday, my husband mentioned how when I was fat, I wore his 2X-3X t-shirts to sleep in, and I always used to say that if I ever lost the weight, I'd wear cute nighties. And I did wear them, for a little while. But lately, since I've been feeling fat, I started wearing his (now size large) t-shirts again. So I bought 3 cute nighties to wear, and a robe to throw over them when I wake up.
I can remember going to Target 2 years ago and trying on clothes--all the XXL things I tried on were TOO SMALL. Now I'm wearing a freaking size SMALL. It's just so hard for me to wrap my head around it. I keep thinking "Okay, they just made the clothes a lot bigger and labeled them smaller." (Yes, I really do think like this)
Even my jeans--I wear size 4 jeans, and I have literally 15 different brands of jeans in size 4. I have to do all the different brands just so I actually believe that I'm a size 4. If I had just one or two brands, I would assume that they were just vanity sized. But I can't argue with 15 different brands, can I?
It's really messed up how much weight loss screws up your mentality.
Today's food log:
bran flakes with blueberries and almond milk (127)
2 cups coffee with 1 Tbsp. cream (25)
turkey sandwich with cheese and mustard (223)
homemade vegetarian fried rice (292)
pineapple fluff (181)
chocolate vitatop with cool whip (160)
none scheduled today (but my long run is tomorrow! I'm dreading it--9 miles!)
Total calories eaten: 1314