Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Discouraged

I've been off track for a couple of days. I haven't been counting calories and I've been eating too much junk. I was getting so discouraged because I was counting EVERYTHING I ate and my weight wasn't budging. I'm seriously fighting my body to lose this last 10 pounds.  I know I shouldn't let the scale dictate what kind of day I'm having, but I was so discouraged a couple of days ago that I just quit trying. I've still been running--I will never give that up!--but I haven't been counting my calories. So I'm guessing my weigh-in tomorrow is going to be terrible.
I tend to quit blogging whenever I'm doing badly, and I need to get out of that habit. If anything, I should blog when I'm doing bad... to help myself through it!  I'm bummed to have to start over with Day 1 tomorrow. I HATE the first 4 days of counting calories. I always feel like I'm starving and my sweet cravings are uncontrollable.

I know I said I didn't want to jinx it, but I will explain the reason I wanted to reach goal by the end of June. The PR director of Sparkpeople contacted me about submitting my story to People magazine's Half Their Size issue. He would have to make the submission by July, and in order for him to submit my story, I obviously have to be HALF my size--126.5 or less pounds. I was SO close in December--128! I have literally dreamed of being in that issue of People for years. Long before I began losing weight, I hung up the cover of that issue on my bulletin board because it's the biggest dream I could even imagine. And now there is a very real possibility of it coming true, but I'm having such a hard time doing what I need to do to make it happen. I've lost 125 fucking pounds, and now I sit here trying to lose 10 and I just don't want to do what needs to be done?! It sounds ridiculous, I know. Suck it up, Katie, and just DO IT. What better motivation than making my biggest dream come true?!

I hear a lot of people saying that they "can't do it" or "it's too hard to do it" or something along those lines. But honestly, it's all about whether you are WILLING TO do what needs to be done to lose the weight. Anybody CAN lose weight--but you have to be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to do that.  And instead of being willing, I've been making excuses lately.

What needs to be done? I have to be willing to weigh/measure everything that I eat, and count the calories for it. I need to be willing to turn down food that doesn't fit into my plan. I need to be willing to stick it out until my taste buds change again, which could take 6+ months. I need to be willing to put myself first and screw what everyone else says about it.  And I definitely need to quit being a baby about it when I don't get to eat what I want when I want it.

Anyways, enough of that. I've laid it out there and now I really need to make up my mind about whether I want to go for the last 10 pounds or not. "Shit or get off the pot", in other words.

I got hit by a car today while I was running. I just had a short 3-mile run to do and so I went around my neighborhood. Someone was backing out of a driveway with a van, and didn't see me. I tried to jump out of the way, but there was nowhere for me to go. I barely got bumped by the van, but I flipped out and started yelling at the driver. I feel bad about it now, because it wasn't like he hit me on purpose, but it scared me half to death.

I took my new running shirt to a place yesterday to get lettered on the back for my half-marathon. I really like how it turned out! Here is a picture:
I was a little worried about how it would turn out, because it's an Under Armour shirt--not cheap. But I like it!

Well, I guess that's all for now. Tomorrow I'll do a weigh-in, as much as I don't want to, and I'll count calories.

10 comments:

  1. OH MY GOD--People Magazine? That is amazing! You have to do it Katie. It would be a thrill for me to see somebody I feel like I know in my favorite magazine. I've been a subscriber for years, and even when I was 328 lbs., I loved to read about the people who had lost half of themselves (which I have as well now!) YOU CAN DO IT girl! This is great motivation, and maybe you can get another picture with Dr. Oz out of the deal--an "AFTER" picture, you need it to bookend the other one. I'll be rooting for you and if I can offer any encouragement at all, let me know. I am so excited for you and can't wait to see that issue of People that features SLIM KATIE!!

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  2. you got hit by a car!!! and OMG i will be on the look out for that people magizine too. ill be like OMG I know her (kinda).

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  3. I think you have done an amazing job on your journey! But I really think you are being too hard on yourself. You have been "dieting" for awhile now and it looks like you are getting mentally tired due to your overzealous way of going about your weight loss. Appearing on the People magazine issue is a great accomplishment, but you don't want to force yourself to that "magic" number. What if you get to half your size for that issue, but end up gaining some weight back? It's almost a false sense of achievement. I agree that you or anyone can do anything if they work really hard. You just have to do what is best for you mentally that will help you KEEP the weight off permanently and not spin you off into eating issues.
    Good luck on whatever you decide to do!

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  4. While I don't think you're being too hard on yourself, I do think you should leave all this negativity here on this page and start a new day tomorrow (which is actually today... haha). You know you can do this! Look how far you've come :) Everyone trips and falls once in a while, what matters is that you always get up and keep going.

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  5. Katie- you have been an inspiration to so many people by how far you've come and what you've accomplished. You have 1 more goal to hit and you've officially done it. Don't give up... please! Hit your goal, get into People magazine and do it! No excuses, no whining, just suck it up and do it! {totally not being mean... just saying!} You have the knowledge, the strength, and motivation... so what's really stopping you? Are you going to let some cookies and frosting come stop you from reaching your dream? Sounds pretty silly to me! You got this Katie. If anyone can do it... it's YOU. If anybody deserves to be in People Magazine... it's YOU! Now do it! (((hugs!)))

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  6. I just read your non-scale victories and I think you should read them again. This time it's your turn to be the success story. You CAN do this! Just put your mind to it, work through the tough parts, you deserve the reward at the finish line. You deserve to be in that magazine!

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  7. Katie you are so amazing! You have accomplished so much! All I can say is what you already know, it's up to you to decide if getting on the People's magazine cover is worth it to you. It sounds like you already know how to maintain your current weight and that your body is fighting really hard to hold on to those last 10 pounds, so is it worth fighting back? If it is, then by all means, go do it!! You already know what it takes and I'm sure that if you really want it, you'll make it happen. But also be kind to yourself. Your body has gone through a lot, you look great, your pretty much half your size and you're going to run a half marathon which is incredible (and I love the shirt btw). So if you don't reach that goal by then, that's o.k. too. Good luck either way, and I'll be rooting for you in whatever path you choose!

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  8. When I hit a plateau, ETL helped me to lose those last 12 pounds. Try the Eat to live program (the vegan version works best/fastest! Reading your food log, I feel as if you are not getting enough good nutrients. You are exercising a lot, so maybe your body is on strike, because something is missing (nutrients - not neccesarily calories!) I think the green stuff (spinach, kale,salads etc.) makes the difference. If you don't like salads just make green smoothies 3x/day. Also, I try to eat 1 cup of beans every day. The weight will just fall off -- without any calorie counting

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  9. Let's get it done Katie! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

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  10. I've been following you on SP for almost a year, and I have no doubt that you will totally get back into the grove and meet your goals.

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