I've been off track for a couple of days. I haven't been counting calories and I've been eating too much junk. I was getting so discouraged because I was counting EVERYTHING I ate and my weight wasn't budging. I'm seriously fighting my body to lose this last 10 pounds. I know I shouldn't let the scale dictate what kind of day I'm having, but I was so discouraged a couple of days ago that I just quit trying. I've still been running--I will never give that up!--but I haven't been counting my calories. So I'm guessing my weigh-in tomorrow is going to be terrible.
I tend to quit blogging whenever I'm doing badly, and I need to get out of that habit. If anything, I should blog when I'm doing bad... to help myself through it! I'm bummed to have to start over with Day 1 tomorrow. I HATE the first 4 days of counting calories. I always feel like I'm starving and my sweet cravings are uncontrollable.
I know I said I didn't want to jinx it, but I will explain the reason I wanted to reach goal by the end of June. The PR director of Sparkpeople contacted me about submitting my story to People magazine's Half Their Size issue. He would have to make the submission by July, and in order for him to submit my story, I obviously have to be HALF my size--126.5 or less pounds. I was SO close in December--128! I have literally dreamed of being in that issue of People for years. Long before I began losing weight, I hung up the cover of that issue on my bulletin board because it's the biggest dream I could even imagine. And now there is a very real possibility of it coming true, but I'm having such a hard time doing what I need to do to make it happen. I've lost 125 fucking pounds, and now I sit here trying to lose 10 and I just don't want to do what needs to be done?! It sounds ridiculous, I know. Suck it up, Katie, and just DO IT. What better motivation than making my biggest dream come true?!
I hear a lot of people saying that they "can't do it" or "it's too hard to do it" or something along those lines. But honestly, it's all about whether you are WILLING TO do what needs to be done to lose the weight. Anybody CAN lose weight--but you have to be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to do that. And instead of being willing, I've been making excuses lately.
What needs to be done? I have to be willing to weigh/measure everything that I eat, and count the calories for it. I need to be willing to turn down food that doesn't fit into my plan. I need to be willing to stick it out until my taste buds change again, which could take 6+ months. I need to be willing to put myself first and screw what everyone else says about it. And I definitely need to quit being a baby about it when I don't get to eat what I want when I want it.
Anyways, enough of that. I've laid it out there and now I really need to make up my mind about whether I want to go for the last 10 pounds or not. "Shit or get off the pot", in other words.
I got hit by a car today while I was running. I just had a short 3-mile run to do and so I went around my neighborhood. Someone was backing out of a driveway with a van, and didn't see me. I tried to jump out of the way, but there was nowhere for me to go. I barely got bumped by the van, but I flipped out and started yelling at the driver. I feel bad about it now, because it wasn't like he hit me on purpose, but it scared me half to death.
I took my new running shirt to a place yesterday to get lettered on the back for my half-marathon. I really like how it turned out! Here is a picture:
Well, I guess that's all for now. Tomorrow I'll do a weigh-in, as much as I don't want to, and I'll count calories.