Candidly Katie and a belated Wednesday Weigh-in

Wow! I cannot even tell you how appreciative I am with the overwhelming response to my last post. That was, by far, the scariest news I've ever shared. I was literally shaking when I published it, and I refused to even look at any comments for a few hours. But I worried for nothing! It took me a month to work up the courage to post about it, but it's a whole new chapter in my life and I am relieved to be able to talk (write) openly about it now.

I have not received a single negative comment about it, and I am so grateful for that! Thank you all so much for being so kind. With a response like that, I realize that I never should have been nervous in the first place!

I was happy when my friend Adam came over yesterday, and said, "Hey, Crazy!" because I was afraid that my friends would be uncomfortable around me now. I joke about bipolar with Jerry and some close friends, which makes it much easier to accept and not feel awkward around the subject. And I hope it makes others feel more comfortable talking about it, too.

Love this!!

Per the titration schedule of my medication, I increased my dose on Tuesday, and I'm already feeling the difference. With each increase, I feel better and better. I can't even begin to describe the difference this medication has made for me. My only regret is that I didn't listen to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me 10 years ago; but the last 10 years of my life have been so significant in who I am today that I wonder if maybe it was for the best.

Along with all of the comments on my blog post yesterday, I received a lot of email and private messages--so it may take me a while to catch up in responding, but please know how grateful I am for the support. I have loved hearing from people who have decided to seek help for things such as depression and anxiety. Therapy, a proper diagnosis, and medication have really turned things around for me, and I am thrilled to be on a positive path right now!

That said, I have been considering (for over a year now!) about changing the name of my blog. I just don't have the same joy for running as I did before. I do plan on getting back to running (actually, Monday is when I start the six month training plan), but I haven't been writing about it much in the last year. I also have gotten away from posting mostly about weight loss/maintenance, mainly because I feel like I've said most everything that I felt I needed to say.

I will definitely still post about those things, of course, but I feel like I've outgrown the "Runs for Cookies" blog title. It feels misleading somehow. So, a little over a year ago, I actually bought the domain CandidlyKatie.com. I thought it had a nice ring to it, and it describes my blog without committing to one particular topic.

I have absolutely zero idea how to make the switch, though. I'm afraid that changing it up will break all of the links to and on my blog, and I really don't want to screw anything up. If any of you reading this know how to do it seamlessly, I'd be happy to pay for services--I just don't even know how to find someone that does that!

Anyway, I imagine I will lose a significant amount of readership; but considering my interests have changed, and therefore the content of my blog has changed, it's understandable. I will try and warn everyone far in advance when making the switch, but if you happen to notice my blog is offline for some reason, that is probably why. I will (hopefully) get it back up quickly. But right now, I just really need to find someone to that knows what they are doing to help me out.

I did start playing around with creating a new header yesterday, and I like the simplicity and cheerfulness of it:

I will probably change it a thousand times before making the official switch, but it's fun to think about. Although, it will feel a little sad to shut the book on Runs for Cookies--I feel like that's my whole online identity!

Anyway, I was so overwhelmed with all the kind comments on my last post, that I didn't get around to posting my Wednesday Weigh-in yesterday. Even though I went to Indy over the weekend, I had a surprisingly good weigh-in:

I think last week I was 138.8 (it's always hard to remember the tenths of a pound), so that would be a 1.6-pound loss this week. Awesome! I am almost back to my official goal weight of 133 (but I honestly wouldn't mind being this weight, or even up to 145, if I can maintain it).

I am still not counting calories, and I'm amazed that for the first time in my life, I'm able to lose weight this way. I've been eating four times a day, whatever food sounds good to me, and keeping my portions relatively small (not tiny, but enough to feel satisfied without feeling stuffed).

I really think the biggest difference has been the fact that I haven't been drinking much at all. Like I mentioned before, it wasn't necessarily the amount of calories in the alcohol that was an issue (wine really doesn't have many calories) but whenever I would have any alcohol at all, I would want to eat. And it would cause me to overeat pretty frequently.

So, I made a little "rule" for myself--I will only drink in social situations, and I will limit myself to two drinks max. Since doing this, I actually feel really good! At first it was hard, because I was so used to having a glass of wine or two on most evenings, but after about a month, I found that I didn't miss it anymore. I miss the idea of having a glass of wine while cooking dinner, or sitting down and chatting with Jerry at the end of the day, but I don't miss the overeating that followed or the wine headache I would inevitably get.

Another change I made was that I stopped drinking tea and coffee. I did this because the caffeine (even the small amount in tea) would make me very jittery and anxious. Since I'm really focusing on my mental health right now, I will do whatever I can to relieve the anxiety. I do have some decaf teas, so if I'm in the mood for something hot, I can always make that. But my new medication causes me to be thirsty throughout the day (my mouth and throat get dry), so I've been drinking a ton of water just by sipping it throughout the day.

Well, I had better get back to catching up on email! I also purchased the photos from Saturday's race, but they haven't been available to download yet. I had been hoping to share a comparison photo on today's post. Hopefully tomorrow!

Again, thank you so so so much for all the support about my news. It feels great to know there are so many people in my corner! xo

Continue Reading...

A "Crazy" New Chapter in My Life

Are you sitting down? Get comfy, because this is a doozy of a post. And actually, this post is terrifying for me to write. 

I have been avoiding it, but I knew that I really wanted to do it eventually. It’s getting more difficult to write anything without talking about this, because it’s an enormous part of my life. I’ve been gradually sharing the news with people in my life—friends, family, acquaintances. And now feels like the right time to share it here. 

Friends, I have been treating the wrong mental illness for nearly 30 years.

Well, I guess I shouldn’t say “treating”—I only started medication 15 years ago, but my depression  started when I was very young. In elementary school, actually.

Let me back up a little, first. 

I sought help for depression when I was 20 years old. I always knew I had it, and I knew some days/weeks/months were better than others, but I was finally feeling a depression that I just couldn’t shake. So, I saw my family doctor, and started taking an antidepressant. I never really noticed a big change in my mood when I started taking it, but I was still having periods of time where I felt good, so I just assumed that was a normal part of life with depression.

In 2007, my antidepressant was switched to the generic version. And I became very, very depressed. I started having thoughts of suicide, and it was actually my mom that made me an appointment with a therapist and psychiatrist. I really didn’t care for the therapist, and then when I saw the psychiatrist, I just decided he was crazy—because his diagnosis was bipolar disorder.

Say what?! 

At that time, I thought I would have liked having bipolar disorder, because I hated feeling depressed and I would have given anything to feel happy! I just “knew” his diagnosis was incorrect. I had only seen him so that he could switch me to a different antidepressant or at least the brand name of the one I was taking.) So, I didn’t take the mood stabilizer he prescribed, and I continued with the antidepressant (switching back to the brand name, even though it cost three times the price of the generic). 

I started this blog in 2011, and in retrospect, all of the signs and symptoms were there. I’m pretty embarrassed about it now, because I feel like all of you (my readers) could clearly see my symptoms in my writing, but I was the one who was oblivious. 

A month ago, I went to a psychiatrist because I just couldn’t shake another long bout of depression—this one lasting 10 months. He asked what I hoped to get out of the appointment, and I told him that I wanted a proper diagnosis (earlier this year, I started suspecting that I had inattentive ADHD along with depression) and treatment. I was 99% sure that would be the final diagnosis. He asked me dozens and dozens of questions, and I explained all that had gone on in the past and present, even my family history.

At the end of a very long appointment, I even joked with him that a psychiatrist had diagnosed me as bipolar about 10 years ago, and how silly was that? He said, “Well, you’re probably not going to like my diagnosis then… I believe that you have bipolar disorder II.”

I was stunned. Weren’t people with bipolar “crazy”? Maxing out credit cards, having extramarital affairs, etc.? When I questioned this, he explained what bipolar II is. While bipolar I has manic episodes, bipolar II has “hypomanic” episodes—which are milder than than manic, but can still cause a lot of distress and problems in one’s life.

Bipolar II also typically has very long, severe periods of depression (which is different than major depressive disorder). So, with bipolar II, my mood swings between hypomania and depression. There are also times where I can be in a “mixed state”, having both hypomania and depression at the same time. The amount of time between each state varies greatly. (It’s important to note that bipolar does not just mean “mood swings”—everybody has mood swings. Bipolar is more severe than that.)

As I said, I am terrified of going public with this. However, as I have been educating myself about the disorder for the last month, I no longer feel ashamed of it. To tell you the truth, I am very, very relieved to finally have an answer and hope that now that I’m treating the correct mental illness, I will get better. (I had my second psych appointment today, and he confirmed the diagnosis he suspected was correct.)

And I have been getting better! My psychiatrist stopped the antidepressant (antidepressants can actually make bipolar II worse) and started me on a mood stabilizer. The mood stabilizer should do exactly as it says—stabilize my mood so that I don’t get into depression or hypomania. 

This is pretty much the last six years of my blog, is it not?!

Sometimes, hypomania was great! I would feel very energetic and happy, have an easy time losing weight (my weight would tend to go up with depression and down with hypomania), feel very social, make all sorts of fun plans, and just be very fun, spontaneous (hello, San Diego on a moment’s notice!), and excited about things. 

However, there were some big downsides to it, also. Hypomania can cause severe irritability, and I hated the way it made me feel—not only mentally, but physically as well. My skin would feel like it was buzzing, like every single nerve was being irritated at the same time. I would snap at people for no reason, and feel very restless. My anxiety was sky-high, and I would have panic attacks.

Also, during hypomania, I was extremely impulsive. I would make a ton of plans, start lots of projects, and set lots of goals. Sounds great, right? But then I would swing back into depression, and never follow through or finish those things (like the bathroom I impulsively started remodeling just a moment after the thought occurred to me, and then Jerry had to finish several months later). 

When I took the time to really read and educate myself about bipolar II, I realized that I actually am a textbook case of someone with the disorder. There were other people in my life who had suggested it to me before as well, but I let it go in one ear and out the other, because I didn’t understand bipolar II. 

First there was the psychiatrist in 2007; then the psychologist/therapist I started seeing last year, but didn’t care for; my general practitioner, who insisted I see a psychiatrist; my current therapist suspected it, but I never even entertained the idea; and now the psychiatrist I’m currently seeing. Finally, I understand and I accept it: I have bipolar disorder II. 

All these years, I always thought I had depression, and that sometimes it would “flare up” even while taking antidepressants. I thought my hypomanic episodes were just “feeling normal”. Now that I am on a mood stabilizer (that is working VERY well), I finally know what it feels like to be “normal”.

I feel happy, but not impulsively so. I am able to think clearly and rationally rather than jump the gun on the first thing that pops into my head. When something bad happens, I still feel sad—but in situations that any normal person would feel sad (for example, I took my friend to have her dog put down at the vet yesterday so she wouldn’t have to do it alone—and I felt very sad for her, with tears and feeling choked up, but that was a “normal” person's response to the situation.)

I have not felt depressed at all since starting the medication. There is a big difference between feeling sad and feeling depressed; and I’ve felt sad a few times for “normal” things, like I mentioned, but I have not felt depressed.

I used to use food to help me feel better when I was depressed, and even alcohol to help with anxiety. Now, I don’t feel the need to use either of those things for those purposes. I haven’t binged in a long time, and I actually don’t even feel the urge to. I’ve only had alcohol in social situations, and I put a cap on it at two drinks max. 

Frankly, I am amazed at the difference that a month with the correct diagnosis and medication can make. For the first time in my life, I am experiencing “normal” (or at least what I imagine normal feels like). 

I’ve accepted and even embraced my diagnosis. I even started a Pinterest board with tons of funny memes about bipolar disorder, and looking at those makes me laugh and feel less alone. So many things that I thought were my “quirks” are actually very common among people with bipolar disorder. (I inserted a lot of memes in this post to keep it light-hearted)

I may even joke about bipolar on my blog from time to time, and I mean no disrespect to anyone with bipolar (or any mental illness). I just found that by looking at the humor in it, I feel much better about it. (So, if any of my real life friends are reading this, know that it’s okay to joke about it and call me “crazy”, etc. I will laugh!)

I only know one other person with bipolar, and she just came into my life less than a year ago. After Jerry and Andrea, she was the first person I told about my diagnosis. She was very helpful in making me realize that nothing has really changed except for the name of my diagnosis, and that now I’ll have the correct medication to feel better. 

I’m still the same person as before, but I don’t feel so bad. I feel like I have a better handle on everything in general, and I really hope that by writing about it on my blog, I can bring more awareness to bipolar II, and maybe even refute the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder. 

I only ask one thing about this post: Please be kind. If not for me, then for other people that have bipolar and are reading this post and the comments. I am seriously terrified to click the “publish” button, and even more terrified of the feedback I may receive. So, if I may ask one thing, it’s just that if you don’t have something kind to say, please don’t comment at all. 

The majority of you have been SO supportive of me through all these years, and I can’t even tell you how much I appreciate that. Being honest about tough stuff has always been hard for me, but the feedback I’ve gotten has been overwhelmingly positive. I am so grateful for all of it! Thank you for being here. xo

---

11/1/17- Important edit to add: I've been meaning to mention this ever since my diagnosis, and I keep forgetting about it! Whenever I write about my bipolar disorder, I tend to get several emails from people who, after reading, feel like they probably have it, too.

When I was studying psychology in college, we learned about "medical student syndrome", which could also be applied to learning about mental illnesses. Basically, when students are studying diseases of the body and/or mind, they can start to worry that they have every condition they are learning about. If you tend to Google your symptoms and wind up on WebMD, your symptoms could be one of hundreds of conditions/diseases! That's why it's best not to self-diagnose.

So, when I write about my bipolar disorder, and people read about my symptoms, it can cause a lot of questioning of whether they may have it, too. The truth is, so many of the symptoms of bipolar can be linked to LOTS of other conditions. There are many symptoms that I have or have had in the past that I don't write about here--either because it's embarrassing or just too personal.

Usually, those symptoms are the biggest indicators for bipolar, and were the reasons for my diagnosis. Bipolar is much more than just "mood swings". I just want to make this clear because I don't want the severity of bipolar disorder to seem insignificant, or that bipolar disorder is common and "no big deal". It damaged many parts of my life from the time I was a child.

So, I encourage you not to self-diagnose anything, but especially mental illness. It took me 10 years and five mental health professionals to finally get me to accept my diagnosis--the doctors saw symptoms that I did not recognize or that I thought were normal, which is why I never accepted it. Please keep that in mind. Okay, sorry for that long edit!)

Continue Reading...

Reader Meet-up in Indy!

Wow. All I can really say about this group of readers is that I honestly could not have hand-picked more delightful people.

Sarah, Laura, Amy, Val, Gail, Glory, Christie, Cathy, Sarah, me, Erin, and Keri-Ann

Last fall, I had the idea to host a Runs for Cookies reader meet-up in Indianapolis for the Indy Mini weekend. The Indy Mini is the half-marathon that I've done five times now. It was my first-ever race, which I walked in 2008. My infamous "before" photo was taken during that race in 2009. I walked it pretty fast with my sister in 2010 after losing about 75 pounds. It became the first half-marathon that I ever ran, which was in 2011. I spectated in 2015 when my Ragnar SoCal team had a reunion.

So, this race is pretty special to me! It's a fantastic race for first-time half-marathoners--runners or walkers. It's the largest half in the country, with 35,000 people. (I am not an ambassador, but I do love the race so much that I certainly do my share of free advertising!)

Anyway, I thought it would be the perfect race race for a reader meet-up. I mentioned it on my blog, and I was surprised at what a great response I got. We formed a Facebook group to get to know each other a little, but these women were all strangers to me (except Caitlin, my friend who I write about frequently on my blog).

I was really nervous going into it, because I had no idea what to expect. Everybody knows ME pretty well, because they've read my blog for years. But I knew nothing about them, and I had no idea if we'd get along or even have much in common. Usually when I host meet-ups, I keep it to a couple of hours, just in case it's not ideal (thankfully, I've never had to worry about that--they've all worked out great so far!).

However, this was different because it was a weekend, and not just a couple of hours. I've already spoiled the ending by telling you what a great group of people this turned out to be, but I am just so happy that we did this and everything went well!

---

Caitlin had something come up on Thursday, and wasn't able to go to Indy. I was super bummed, but I totally understood and it was out of her control. I was glad Jerry was with me, because otherwise I wouldn't have known a single soul.

Jerry and I left for Indy on Friday morning. We stopped at Sam's Club for Buca di Beppo gift cards (that's where we were planning our group dinner for Friday night, and Sam's has $100 gift cards for only $75... since our bill was going to be $300+, we saved $75 by buying gift cards up front!).

We were staying at the Omni downtown, and I wasn't sure what to expect with that, either. I've always stayed at the Embassy Suites, but back in August, they were already sold out for Indy weekend! The Omni ended up not being the greatest place to stay, and if I was to go back to Indy for the race again, I would make sure to book the Embassy Suites right away. (I usually don't complain about hotels, but our room in the Omni was not very clean, and the pillows totally grossed me out.) Embassy Suites has free breakfast, free happy hour, suites (obviously) that are great for having lots of people in the room hanging out, and the location is PERFECT for the race.

Anyway, our room wasn't ready at the Omni, so we left our bags there and then walked to The Yard House. I went to one in Portland, and I knew Jerry would love it--when I saw there was one in Indy, I was really excited for Jerry to go! (They have an enormous beer menu, and since Jerry loves craft beer, he was thrilled.)

Sadly, this photo is way too dark, but it is
Jerry with his flight of beer

We met up with the readers who were already in town (a few had their husbands with them as well, which was good for Jerry not to be the only guy there). I had a salted watermelon margarita (yes, in a beer place) and it was actually really delicious! I love anything watermelon flavored.

Just from chatting with the people who were there, I felt very comfortable and I knew I was going to like this group. Each time I met one more reader as they showed up, I was more and more excited about how the weekend was going to go. After drinks at The Yard House, Val, Glory, Laura, Jerry, and I walked over to the convention center for the expo and packet pick-up.

At the expo, I saw reader Lise who I met at the finish line a couple of years ago, so it was nice to see her again! She had some family things going on, so she wasn't able to make it to dinner.

After the expo, we went back to the hotel to hang out for a little bit before heading to dinner at Buca. Christie does private wine tastings and brought a couple of bottles for us to try. So Jerry and I invited everyone to our room for wine and chit chat before we walked to the restaurant. A few other people showed up then, so the room was pretty crowded, but it was fun to get to talk to everyone. I was curious about how everyone discovered my blog, so that was interesting to hear.

Our dinner reservation was at 7:00, so we walked over to Buca, where we met up with the rest of the group. We were a large party of 17, but our server (Christy) was phenomenal. And we made it easier on her by having our whole order written down ahead of time. Buca serves family-style, so we got a variety of pasta (and a chicken dish, but I didn't have any of that). My favorite was the Spicy Chicken Rigatoni, on the far right in my photo). I was really bummed that we didn't have a refrigerator in our room (another perk of Embassy Suites) so I couldn't bring the leftover rigatoni back to the hotel to eat the next day.

We also had garlic bread, but I ate that before the pasta came

I was tempted to have a glass of wine with dinner, but I've been trying hard to stick with 1-2 drinks max in a day; and I'd had that margarita in the afternoon, and then wine at the hotel, so I just stuck with water.

Most of us were staying at the hotel, so we went back there after dinner.

Packed into the elevator

I was still wide awake, so Erin came up to our room and Jerry and Erin's husband, Noel, went downstairs for a beer. Erin and I have gotten to know each other a little via email, and I was really looking forward to getting to know her in person, so it was nice to get to chat with her. She decided to walk the race with me the next day, instead of running, which made me happy to have a partner to walk with.

I didn't sleep very well, but that's not unusual for me in a hotel. Got up in the morning and dressed for the race. I just hoped it wouldn't rain! That was the main thing I was concerned about. The morning was a little hectic. Jerry and I were talking about maybe leaving late Saturday night instead of Sunday morning, because the hotel was pretty expensive and since we didn't have Caitlin to split the room with, it would have been a LOT of money to stay one more night. We decided to check out, and Gail was kind enough to let us store our suitcase in her room for the day.

I had been planning to have cereal for breakfast, which I brought with me, but I realized I had no spoon. I ate a few dried apple slices and half a cookie, but that was it--not an ideal breakfast before a half-marathon! I went downstairs and met up with some of the others, and we walked to the starting line. Erin and I started in the back with the 8:00 wave.

I stitched some videos and photos together, while Jerry and I were driving home last night, using the 1SecondEveryday app--so I'll just share that here instead of posting a ton of photos individually.

I have to say, walking the half was MUCH harder than any of the half's I've ever run! I'm sure if I had trained properly, I would have had an easier time, but walking 13.1 miles is no joke. Erin is used to running as well, so her body just was not used to the walking. Toward the end, she kept having a spasm in her leg that would happen pretty frequently, so we stopped and stretched every couple of minutes, just hoping to make it to the finish line before the sweeper ;)

I had forgotten about my favorite part of the course--at around the one mile marker, there is a corner where you go right past the elites (if you are walking, you get to see the elites come through! But if you're running, you'll likely miss it). When Erin and I reached that corner, we saw the last of the hand cyclists go by, and then the car that was leading the elites. We stopped for a minute on the corner to watch and cheer, so it was really fun to get to see the first place person at mile 12, while we were at mile 1--haha.

Just after that, I heard someone say, "Katie Foster?" I was so surprised (with the biggest half in the country, what are odds you'll bump into someone you know?). It turned out to be a fan of From Fat to Finish Line named Andréa. We took a picture and chatted for a minute before Erin and I continued. It was so crazy to bump into someone that recognized me like that! (I later got a comment on Facebook from another person who had recognized me at The Yard House, but she didn't come say hi. If any of you ever see me out, I don't bite! Honest!)

Erin and I chatted the whole way, which made the time go by much faster than if I was walking alone. But I absolutely loved taking pictures and videos and really taking in the whole race without a single thought of my finish time.

The video I posted shows the sights (I missed so many, because I wasn't ready with my camera at all times). But it was a great race! I was SUPER ready to be done by the time we got to the finish line, and my legs felt terrible, but we did it :)  My official finish time was 3:46:33.

I love getting cookies at the finish line! But they
didn't survive the trip back to the room very well.

Once I showered and changed, I realized I actually got a sunburn. I had been worried about rain (which it did rain a little in the very beginning) but never thought about the chance of sunburn. Fortunately, it was just the very top of my neck. So, it looks a little ridiculous, but at least it's just a small spot.

Cathy, Laura, Gail, Christie, Jerry, and I went for frozen yogurt after we all showered and dressed. I swear, in that moment, it was the best thing I've ever tasted. SO good!

My legs were killing me, so we walked back to the hotel, going through the mall. I noticed a food stand in the mall called "Cup of Corn"--and it was literally a place where you could get a cup of corn with different seasonings. Odd, right? I happen to LOVE corn--it is probably my favorite food after ice cream--and I stopped for a sample. I asked for whatever seasoning he recommended, and he gave me lemon pepper, parmesan cheese, and chili power. I never would have chosen that combo, but it was heavenly!! I immediately decided I was going to get that for dinner instead of eating the planned pizza in the room, haha.

We all went up to Gail's room and hung out there, watching the derby on TV. Well, I just sat and talked with the girls while Jerry massaged my feet ;)

(He didn't do the race--he had an omelet breakfast and went out for a beer while I was walking!)

As stated, I decided to have the Cup of Corn for dinner, and it was delicious. Such an odd idea, I know, but it's not unusual for me to have corn for dinner, so I was happy.

I'm going to get some lemon pepper seasoning so I can make it at home. Yum!

At around 9:30, everyone headed home or back to their rooms, so Jerry and I packed up our stuff. We said our good-byes, and hopes for doing another meet-up next year sometime, and then Jerry and I drove home. It's a four hour drive, so we didn't get home until 2:00 this morning! But it was totally worth it.

We had such an amazing time with lots of new friends, and I hope to see them again for another meet-up!

Continue Reading...

May... Wait, what?!

Can someone just please stop time for a few days and let me catch up? ;)

Whew! The weekend was kind of crazy (my sister was in town, so not the usual routine), but the last couple of days have been even crazier. I can't believe that Jerry and I leave in TWO DAYS to go to Indy for the half-marathon.

This photo is from the first year I walked the Indy Mini (2008). I'm in pink, at the bottom of the photo. When I got this photo back, I felt SO BAD for "ruining" (accidentally photobombing?) what would have been a perfect photo of the girls behind us! Hahaha. So, if one of you girls happens to be reading this, please accept my apologies ;)

On Thursday, my back was more painful than it has EVER been. I've had back pain since I was very young, probably about eight years old. It continued to get worse over the years, and a couple of years ago, I finally had an MRI, showing that I have two large bone spurs on my spine as well as arthritis--yay. The pain used to get worse throughout the day, peaking in the evenings; lately, though, it's been getting really bad even as early as 10:00 in the morning. (I have a point to all this; I'm not just complaining.)

So on Thursday, I spent most of the day working on the Beginners Half-Marathon Training Plan, which meant I was slouched over my computer. By the late afternoon, I was in tears from the pain and I could barely move. I had been planning a 10-mile walk on Friday, but I didn't think I would be able to do it because of my back.

When I woke up in the morning, though, my back was much better, so I went for the walk without any issues. And for a few days after, my back pain was back to the "usual" pain that I've always had. It made me wonder if this has something to do with my not running regularly (i.e. at all) for the last few months. Rather than aggravating my back, maybe the regular exercise was keeping the pain under control.

I have been keeping a mood journal as well as a "symptoms" log on my phone, so it'll be interesting to see if that's the case. Definitely motivation to get back to running soon!

Anyway, I love that this popped up on my "Memories" on Facebook this morning...

That photo was from 2015 just after the Indy Mini. I wasn't able to participate that year, because of the Stress Fracture of 2015, but it was so much fun to hang out with my Sole Mates (and Jerry and Rik) (and the random guy in the background making a Jerry face! How did I not notice this before today? lol).

I imagine this year will be just as much fun. There are 13 of us going, and other than Caitlin, I have not met any of the others in person. Several months ago, I posted on my blog about a weekend meet-up for the race, and I expected maybe one or two people to be interested--certainly not this many! It will be fun getting to meet everyone in person. We are going to eat at Buca di Beppo on Friday to carb load for the race (or let's just call it what it is--eating lots of yummy pasta!). Saturday is the race, and then dinner/games at the hotel. We come home on Sunday.

I forgot to share my April "1 Second Everyday" video. In January, I committed to doing the videos every day for a year, and I've actually really LOVED making it a part of my daily routine. A lot of times, I don't have anything exciting to record, so I usually just get a second of my pets. But I typically try to pick something out of the ordinary or something that represents that day to me. There are some days where I have about 10 different video clips to choose from, which is hard! But anyway, here is my April video...

I went to bed last night at around 10:00, and I woke up twice during the night. The first time, I looked at my alarm clock and it read 11:11. I thought that was cool, because 11 is my favorite number. The second time I woke up, the clock read 3:33. Well, 33 is my second favorite number, as well as one of my Keno numbers. So, clearly, I need to try my luck at Keno today! ;)

Speaking of numbers, I had another good Wednesday Weigh-in today.

I'm kind of interested to see a comparison of photos from the Indy Mini through the years. In 2008, I weighed 207. In 2009, I weighed 253. In 2010, I weighed 165. In 2011, I weighed 147. And this year will be about 138. Here is an old comparison I made:

It's missing 2011, so I will have to add that on there as well. Looking at the photos, it feels like 2009 was just yesterday. I remember everything about that photo and how I was feeling in that moment.

The weather is NOT looking good for Saturday, and I really hope it changes! If it's pouring rain, I probably won't do the race :(  If it's a light rain, then I will; but walking for four hours with wet shoes and socks will destroy my feet.

BUT, I am going to think positive and hope for great weather!

Continue Reading...

Double digit training walk

It would be a flat out lie if I said that I feel prepared for the Indy Mini a week from tomorrow! Haha.  I do feel more prepared than I was in 2008 (my first time doing it, and I didn't do ANY training), but I am far from ready now. Having such a long depressive episode last year took a huge toll on my body (and obviously my mind).

A couple of months ago, I made the decision to take a break from running, and I don't regret that decision one bit. I just felt SO tired of it--I got tired of racing a long time ago, and I struggled with wanting to run for fun. I don't have a running partner, which makes it tough to enjoy running and find the motivation to get out there.

When my running mojo showed no signs of returning, I decided that I would walk the Indy Mini. I've walked it three times before, and it's actually a really great race to walk! Still, though, I struggled with motivation to do much of anything--even training walks. My depression wasn't under control as I tried new medications, and depression really does hold me back from even caring enough to try.

Since seeing the psychiatrist and trying something new, I've been doing MUCH better. I finally feel like my depression is under control, and it's such a relief! My anxiety, however, seems to have intensified. The problem with that is that my anxiety has very real physical symptoms. I get a "lump in my throat" feeling, where it's hard to swallow and even hard to breathe. It feels like I have a golf ball in my throat (and it can last for days or even weeks). Also, my heart beats quite a bit faster, which makes everything feel harder than it should. There are other symptoms, but those are a couple of them.

I've had a ton more energy since getting the depression under control, but I've tried running and the physical symptoms of increased anxiety make running feel pretty difficult. I have a follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist on May 9th, so if I'm still feeling anxious, I'll talk to him about it.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I'm still planning to walk the Indy Mini, but I didn't prepare the way I should have. Each time I've done the race, I've thought how fun it would be to walk it and take pictures and just really enjoy it! The last time I did the race was in 2011, and I didn't even have a smart phone yet; so I had never had a camera with me to take photos on the course. This year, I'm pretty happy that I'll be able to slow down and take pictures of interesting things I see along the way. I also love to chat with strangers on the course--there are so many interesting people with fascinating stories of how they got to be there, in that moment.

Today, I went for my only double digit walk before the race--10 miles. I managed to sleep in until about 7:30, so I didn't give myself much time to procrastinate once I got up. I got dressed to run (well, walk), ate breakfast, and headed out for an out-and-back. It was surprisingly cold! The first five miles, I was wishing that I had long sleeves. But once I turned around, and had a tailwind, the temp seemed perfect.

I was thinking I might try to attempt run/walking (three minutes run, one minute walk) to see how that went (and hopefully save some time--walking 10 miles takes quite a while!). I forgot to turn the run/walk alert on, so after a half mile or so, I figured out what the problem was, and attempted a couple of intervals. My heart rate was very high, though, even at a slow jog; and the lump in my throat was driving me crazy. I eventually decided to turn off the alert, walk the whole thing, and if I had any moments where I felt like breaking into a jog (hahaha!), I would.

It felt like it took forever, but I finally got to the halfway point. Once I turned around, I knew I would finish (obviously, because it was an out and back). My hips were pretty sore, and the only relief I got was when I would start running. So, I'd run for a couple of minutes, until my heart rate felt too high (170!) and then walk again. It was so odd--when heart rate training, my easy runs were done at a heart rate of 146 or lower. I managed about a 10:00/mi pace with that heart rate. Today, just walking was getting my heart rate up to the high 140's. My walk was pretty fast, so it wasn't like I was taking a light stroll, but I still think that seems high. Again, something to ask the doctor about, but it's likely from my anxiety symptoms.

So happy when I heard the beep signaling 10 miles!

Anyway, I am SO SO SO glad that I fit in this 10-miler before the race! I definitely feel more prepared than I did yesterday, even if it's only mental. I feel like it's going to be rough, but I will definitely make it through 13.1 miles. And Caitlin is even going to walk with me, so I'm sure the time will pass quickly if we're chatting.

After my walk today, and seeing that I burned a bazillion calories (well, over a thousand, anyway) I went for frozen yogurt at the new Menchies that just opened! I don't have to drive 45 minutes for fro-yo anymore. This could be good or bad--we'll see how it goes ;)

Cheesecake and cake batter frozen yogurt with strawberries,
coconut, cheesecake bites, and marshmallow topping :)

I'm kind of nervous to meet everyone on Friday at the Indy meet-up. There are going to be 13 of us, and the only one that I've met in person is Caitlin! The others are blog readers that I've gotten to know a little via Facebook over the past several months. Everyone seems super nice, and they've said they're a little nervous as well, so I'm sure it will be great. Jerry and I are driving to Indy a week from today! It's coming up so quickly.

While I was walking today, I got a text from my sister. She asked Eli to run a virtual 5K with her, and he did it! He hasn't run since cross country season, but they went nice and slow and he ran the entire way. And he earned the Spaceballs medal she had for him.

Okay, well Joey is clearly ready for me to stop writing this post and give him his dinner. I love this dog! ;)

Have a great weekend, everyone! My sister is in town, so I'll be spending some time with her and Shawn, which is always fun.

Continue Reading...

Six-Month Half-Marathon Training Plan for Beginners

Finally! I've been working on this plan for what feels like forever, and I finally finished it up today. I've posted it on my Training Plans page, but I'll share it here as well.

Here is a printer-friendly version of the plan!

My goal for this plan is to take a true beginner (non-runner) and prepare them to run a half-marathon.

This is a six-month training plan--26 weeks! If you are currently capable of walking 30 minutes, four days per week, and your doctor okays it, then you can certainly follow this plan to run your first half-marathon as soon as six months from now.

I highly suggest choosing a race at least six months from now, and registering for it now. By paying for it, and knowing that you are registered to run it, you are much more likely to follow the training plan. I would sign up and then announce to everyone via social media that you are going to do it. Sometimes our pride will push us to work harder than we would otherwise ;)

I would also suggest reading these posts before you get started:

Tips for Running and Training for Your First Half-Marathon
My Favorite Running Things
50 Tips About Running
All About Fueling
The Importance of the Easy Run (a MUST READ)

I basically combined my "Walk to Run" plan, my "Base Building" plan, and my "Finish Strong Half-Marathon" plan, made some tweaks here and there, and kept it as simple as possible, while still being effective.

At first, there are four workouts per week, and then in Week 15, a fifth day is added. The plan starts by building up from walking to running for a full 30 minutes, non-stop. From there, it slowly builds up the long run on weekends, while still running at a very easy pace. In Week 15, I introduce some very simple speed work--intervals from 60 seconds to (eventually) 5 minutes long.

The majority of the plan is EASY running. I stress that because easy runs are so important! Please read my post about The Importance of the Easy Run before you start any training plan. I became my fastest, while staying injury-free, by doing most of my runs at a very slow, easy pace. The post I linked to above describes it much more detail.

So, without further ado, I give you the link to my Six-Month Half-Marathon Training Plan for Beginners (it's in PDF format for easy printing). I hope you enjoy! I welcome any feedback, good or bad, about the results of the plan. I've gotten very good feedback about the other plans I've written, so I hope this one will serve you well :)

Continue Reading...

My watch, Wednesday Weigh-in, and alcohol

After a busy weekend, the last couple of day have seemed dull--but it's nice, because I've gotten quite a bit done. I've been feeling so much better since I started my new medication, and I'm thrilled that it's actually working. I'd gotten used to feeling depressed for so long (this bout lasted about 10 months) that I was getting desperate. I even told my friend Andrea, just before seeing the psychiatrist, that I was putting ALL my eggs into that one basket, and I just hoped that it would help.

Yesterday, I was SO energetic. My depression had made me feel lethargic and I had to force myself to do things; but now that I'm feeling better, I don't have to talk myself into things anymore. My house is super clean, I'm caught up on email (well, almost--but much more than usual), I've been spending time with the kids, and I just feel very content. I'm not euphoric or anything, but I am loving that I don't feel depressed. I had so many really dark days that I thought would never end, and when I look back on those, I have a hard time believing it.

I was happy I got to spend some time with Jerry yesterday. He picked me up from the airport on Sunday night, and then we went to bed (I only saw him for about two hours, but I was unpacking, visiting with the kids, etc). He left for work before I woke up on Monday, and from work, he went to a concert with a friend on Monday night. I was sleeping when he got home, and then he woke up for work early on Tuesday, while I was sleeping. So last night was the first night I really got to talk to him since Thursday afternoon.

While I was in Boston, he did the coolest thing for me--he got a new battery put in my watch! Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal, but Jerry bought me this watch when we were dating, probably in 2001-ish? I loved it, and I wore it until the battery went dead. Then I put it in my jewelry box, intending to take it in for a new battery. And it sat there ever since!

I was cleaning out drawers in my bedroom, and I went through my jewelry box as well. When I saw the watch, I told Jerry that I really HAVE to get a new battery, because I'd love to wear the watch again. So, while I was in Boston, Jerry surprised me by taking my watch in and now it works again! I know a lot of people don't wear watches anymore, because it's easy enough to check the time on our phones; but I've always liked telling time manually--with the "big hand" and "little hand"--instead of digitally. Anyway, I'm happy to be wearing it again! (It's definitely bigger on my wrist than it used to be--but that's just fine with me).

This morning was my Wednesday Weigh-in, and I was pretty psyched when I got on the scale to see that not only had I not gained weight in Boston, I actually had a good two pound loss this week! It was funny, though. I usually weigh in while wearing my underwear and sometimes my socks, but when I stepped on the scale, it said 140.0. SO close to the 130's--so I took off my undies and socks, and that was enough to bring it down to 139.8.

THEN, when I picked up my phone to take a picture, it went up to 140.2. Obviously, it doesn't actually make any difference whether it reads 140.2 or 139.8 (my body weighs the same either way), but because I was so close to the 130's, I wanted the official weigh in to read that. After a few tries, I managed to grab my phone and snap a picture before the scale registered the weight of the phone. HAHAHA.

I haven't seen the 130's in a long time. I think the biggest change over the last couple of months has been that I haven't had much alcohol at all. It wasn't just calories in alcohol that would be a problem (a glass of wine only has 100-125 calories); but a glass of wine usually makes me want to eat something, and then sometimes I would binge or just eat when I wasn't actually hungry. Alcohol gives me that, "Ah, screw it! I'll worry about it later!" mentality.

I haven't quit drinking alcohol entirely, but I can count on one hand the number of occasions that I've had any drinks--even including this weekend in Boston. I had one and a half beers on Friday; one drink with dinner at Kowloon, and two at the comedy show; and none on Sunday. Usually, on vacation, I like to indulge in several drinks! The benefit to drinking only on rare occasions now is that I've become a lightweight, and one or two drinks is plenty.

Anyway, I haven't binged in over two months, so I think it has made a pretty big difference. I still haven't been counting calories, but I've been eating four times a day and keeping my portions reasonable. I'm pretty happy with how things are going right now! :)

Continue Reading...

A Boston weekend

I'm home from Boston! What a whirlwind weekend--it went by so quickly. I started to write out a detailed post about everything we did, but it would have taken forever, so I'll just do a quick recap.

Friday

I arrived in Boston at around 8:00 AM, and Caitlin and John picked me up from the airport. We headed from the airport to Sam Adams Brewery for a tour! "It's five o'clock somewhere" applies quite literally at Sam Adams Brewery, because all of their clocks are permanently set to 5:00, haha. So, the fact that it was a 9:30 on a Friday morning made no difference ;)

Waiting for our Sam Adams tour

First, we did a tasting while we were waiting for our tour. They had four blind samples of beers to taste and then respond to questions about each one on a computer.

Caitlin and I are not exactly beer-people, so we took a tiny sip of each just to see what we thought, but they all tasted the same to us. Our tour guide was awesome, and I learned quite a bit about making beer. I was mostly interested when he described putting unusual things into beers that are brewing--like oysters!

At the end of the tour, they gave us more beer to taste--some of their best sellers--so it was fun to taste without committing to a beer that I wasn't sure if I'd like. Then took a free shuttle/party bus to a cool pub called Doyle's. The driver of the bus was very intense, and had us cracking up. I felt like I was on a sitcom or something. I would love to do that again if I go back to Boston.

At Doyle's, I had the BEST fried pickles I've ever had in my life! Fried pickles are a favorite of mine, but these ones were honestly the best I've had.

Fried pickles at Doyle's

After lunch at Doyle's, we went on a mission to get a piece of carrot cake from Mike's Pastry. Their carrot cake is SO good, and I was looking forward to having a piece while I was in town!

Unfortunately, they were sold out. So I "settled" for a chocolate chip cannoli instead, and it was amazing. I'm kind of glad they didn't have the cake, because I wouldn't have tried the cannoli otherwise.

Chocolate chip cannoli from Mike's Pastry

We went to the Airbnb and chatted for a little while before going to a dive bar about a mile away. I love dive bars, especially when they have Keno. Caitlin and I played Keno, and we all chatted for several hours--it was exactly what I was looking forward to! I love being able to catch up with friends in a low-key environment.

At Sully's, the dive bar where we spent the evening

Saturday

I had gotten a comment on my blog from a reader named Rachel, who is from Boston and asked about meeting up. I hadn't planned an actual "meet-up" because I was only going to be there for two nights, but I suggested that she meet us for breakfast on Saturday morning. I was happy that it worked out, and she met us at a little cafe near the Airbnb.

Rachel!

I always get nervous before meeting readers, because I typically know NOTHING about them. There is a lot of my life described here on my blog, so I feel like they know all about me--but I'm literally meeting a stranger. Thankfully, Rachel turned out to be not just "normal/not a serial killer", but she was awesome! As soon as she walked up to the table, I stopped being nervous. We had great conversation, and a yummy breakfast. Then we said goodbye, and John, Caitlin, and I went into downtown Boston.

It was cold and raining, unfortunately! It was raining the last time I was in Boston, so I had hoped for nice weather, but no such luck. Still, we walked the Freedom Trail, stopping at David's Tea to warm our hands with a hot cup of tea.

Our first stop on the Freedom Trail

I love cemeteries, and I could have walked through this all day;
I'm amazed that these stones are in such good condition for being
from the 1700's. 

We went back to Mike's to see if they had carrot cake, and they told us to go back after 3:00, because it wasn't ready yet.

We went to Fenway Park for a tour. Caitlin and I both have Reynaud's (mine is terrible in my feet, and hers is in her hands). My feet started to get numb and then very painful, which drives me crazy! It was hard to walk up and down the stairs because my feet hurt from the Reynaud's (triggered from the cold). I was wishing Jerry was with me, because he would have loved the tour--but I'm pretty sure we'll go next year together, so he can see it then.

Fenway Park

It felt like January, not April!

After the park, Caitlin and I were dying to get warm, so we headed to the nearest restaurant for lunch. All I could think about was hot clam chowder. My toes finally thawed out, and I had some delicious chowder for lunch. John's friends, Will and Denise, met us there. They were fantastic people! I enjoyed getting to know them, and I could clearly see why John likes them so much.

After a late lunch, we went to Mike's (for the third time!) to get some carrot cake. It was only about 4:30, but they were out! The line for Mike's is insane--but it's totally worth it. And the line actually moves pretty quickly. We couldn't see if there was any carrot cake until we got to the front of the line, but we actually had fun while we waited.

The line outside of Mike's

Almost our turn! (That's Will on the right)

We walked to the car, and I couldn't resist getting a picture with this food truck, of course:

After that, we went to Caitlin's house to meet her boyfriend, Joe. Since our lunch was so late, we didn't get a chance to sit and chat, but Joe was great! His brother lives in Detroit, so we chatted about Detroit a little. Now, how is THIS for coincidence?--remember that day Caitlin came to visit last summer, and we went to Eastern Market in Detroit? Well, Joe (who Caitlin hadn't met yet!) was actually at a Tigers game in Detroit on that same day at the same time. Crazy, right?! They later met and are now smitten with each other ;)

Joe wanted to take us all out to dinner, so we went to a Chinese place called Kowloon. Holy cow--I can't even describe how cool this place was! I wish I'd have taken some pictures inside, because it was truly indescribable. It was the largest restaurant I'd ever seen in my life, and the atmosphere was really fun. Even with the restaurant being so large, there was a wait to get a table, so clearly the food was good.

The menu was overwhelming, and I asked Caitlin and Joe to just choose for me, because I wanted to eat what they like to eat there. They chose well--the food was AMAZING. I wasn't very hungry because our lunch was so late, but I instantly made room when I tasted the food ;) Another place I want to go back to with Jerry!

Just some of the food at Kowloon

After dinner, we went upstairs for a comedy show. I happen to really love comedy shows, so I was looking forward to it. When we walked in, the hostess sat us front and center--which is a notorious spot for getting heckled by the comedians. Thankfully, the only attention we got was when the first comedian accidentally knocked the microphone stand over, and it fell right between John and me. John caught it before it hit me, so that was cool ;)

Joe, Caitlin, me, and John

Anyway, we had lots of laughs at the comedy show; and then I was full, tired, and ready for bed--it was a long (fun) day!

Sunday

We took our time getting ready on Sunday morning, and then went to breakfast at the same little cafe as Saturday. I had packed up my stuff for the airport, because I knew I'd have to get there at 2:30. We got tickets for a Duck Tour (a tour around Boston from a vehicle that goes on land and in water). I learned some really interesting facts about Boston and saw some of the city I hadn't seen. It was fun! And the day ended up being beautiful--Friday and Saturday were cold and rainy, but Sunday made up for it.

I look so awkward in this photo, because I thought
John was taking a picture with me on the RIGHT,
and the "Duck Tours" sign on the left. Hahaha

I didn't know she had done this, but early in the morning, Caitlin called Mike's and ordered a WHOLE carrot cake! Hahaha. She wanted to make sure I got a piece of carrot cake before I left. After the Duck Tour, we stopped at Mike's to get the cake. We drove around for a while looking for parking so that we could each have some, but we couldn't find a spot--and it was time to head to the airport.

So, we did what any carrot-cake-hungry people would do and we stopped in the cell phone lot. I cut out a slice of cake to take into the airport with me, and we all had a couple of bites of cake in the car. It was just as delicious as I remembered! (I imagine the other people in the lot were pretty curious about the three of us swooning over bites of cake in the car, lol)

Caitlin and John dropped me off, and I headed home. I had such a fun weekend, but it felt good to get home and see all my boys. I was wound up last night and couldn't fall asleep until around midnight; then I got up with the kids today. I'm exhausted! But thankfully, it's for good reason. I'm looking forward to going back to Boston (hopefully with Jerry) next year!

Continue Reading...