Friday Night Photos: Summer

I only have a few photos on my camera roll this week, so I'll just save them for next week. Yesterday morning, I posted on Instagram, so I'll share something similar here. I rarely post on social media, but I was thinking about summer and decided to look through my pictures from the last few months. I chose a bunch that kind of represented summer (mostly the good parts; who takes pictures of the bad parts?).

I tried to think of a good adjective when I captioned, "It's been a _____ summer." But I can't come up with a word that describes everything. We've had such bad luck and so much stress. There were definitely good moments (as I'll show with most of the pictures below) but basically, the only way I can describe it is this: It's been a summer.

Watching Jerry and Eli play softball on Monday nights

Celebrating 20 years of marriage

Baking a vegan chocolate cake for Noah's birthday

Finding solitude to feel many emotions... in the bathtub. More than once.

Helping Luke and Riley try to win a prize for "crazy hair day"

Cutting the grass while Jerry was gone for two weeks

Jerry and I dueling at Dr. Mario on a rainy day

The first flood we've ever had at our house in 20 years

Jeanie teaching me American football

Taking golf pictures of Eli. My first time being on a golf course.

Celebrating Noah's last teenage birthday

Totaling two out of three cars in just three months

Jerry forgetting to use a blade guard. For the third time.

Perhaps my most favorite picture of this entire year

Joey losing about 10 pounds of fur

Knitting a Shrek hat for Noah

Sucking at mini-golf

Taking the boys to see The Meg while Jerry was away

Playing Trouble with my nieces and nephew

Breaking a three-and-a-half-year daily blogging streak to get away from the negativity

Making do with the candles Jeanie had on hand. 1 and 2+7

Getting a second piercing in my nose

My "fun" project this summer

Watching fireworks with Renee

Making sad toast on the stove when the power was out for three days

Getting to see one of my very favorite cousins

Getting my skin checked for suspicious spots

"Helping" Shawn steer the tractor he was towing

Washing my hair in the river and nearly floating away

Tubing with Jeanie, Shawn, Jerry, Noah, Eli, and Ava

Summer isn't officially over for eight more days, but I'm ready to be done with it and bring in fall! My family has felt all of the emotions this summer, tenfold. So... let's just say that it's been a summer. :)

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Three Things Thursday: Appearances

I just got done walking laps around my house, looking for inspiration for a "Three Things Thursday" post. I have 3,600 posts on my blog(!) and it's very hard to come up with anything that I haven't already written about at least ten other times. I briefly thought of writing about my three favorite clothing transformations, but nixed that idea when I realized I'd just written about them in relatively recent posts.

That, however, led me to trying on a few items of clothing, and looking in the mirror gave me the inspiration I needed. Three things about my appearance that have been pretty much the same throughout my life and will probably never change.

1. I will never be a "girly-girl".

Growing up, I *always* wanted to be girly. I wanted to wear cute trendy clothes and make-up and jewelry and style my hair and paint my nails. When I started getting teased about my weight at around nine years old, I became the total opposite.

I didn't *feel* girly; I felt ugly. Instead of dressing how I wanted, I started dressing how I thought I was meant to be--baggy boyish clothes, hair a total mess, no make-up or anything like that. I'd given up on trying to be one of the "pretty girls". (This isn't a sob story, honest.)

Seriously, though... was there really any hope? BAHAHA, I can't believe I'm posting this photo:

That best friends necklace really makes a difference though!

A few times over the years, I felt inspired and tried to do the girly things. After losing weight, I bought lots of feminine clothes because I felt like I finally deserved to wear them. But it just didn't feel like ME. I felt uncomfortable and like I was trying to be someone I was not. I don't know if it was because I lost that desire to be girly or if I was never meant to be that way in the first place, but either way, I'm not her.

And now, I'm totally happy with that! My favorite clothes are jeans, hoodies, cotton socks, and a pair of Chucks. On the very rare occasion that I put on a dress, I feel extremely uncomfortable--physically and mentally--and it feels like it just doesn't belong on me. I try not to dress like a slob, but I definitely choose comfort over anything else.

2. I will probably never go to the salon.

I literally can't remember the last time I had my hair cut professionally. It might have been in 2010 when Jeanie treated me to a fun makeover after I'd lost 100 pounds. It may surprise people to know that I actually have naturally curly hair. If I scrunch it in my hands while it's wet, it'll dry curly. When I was a kid, I *hated* it. My mom said it was "like a bush", hahaha. It was so thick and curly and I wanted it to be thin and straight, like a lot of the "pretty girls" I knew.

A bush, she says. I just don't see it!

When my hair is short, it's impossible to keep it from curling while it dries; and since I can't pull it back into a ponytail or (my favorite) a messy bun, and then the curls just get in my way. I can't stand having hair in my face! So, I've had long hair for just about my entire adult life. It's more practical for me.

My hair routine is super simple. I cut it myself about twice a year (keeping it long, but getting rid of split ends). Since I started getting grays, I dye it every so often (definitely not frequently enough, because my grays are pretty obvious much of the time). And I wear a messy bun 99% of the time. It takes all of five seconds and it keeps my hair out of my face.

3. I will likely never be a regular make-up wearer.

I only wear make-up a handful of times each year, usually if I'm going to see someone I haven't seen in a while or if I'm going to be meeting new people. And honestly, make-up is something I wish I was into! My skin is kind of a mess--I have vitiligo (patches of skin without any pigment) and sunspots (which are a big contrast to the vitiligo spots). The vitiligo around my eyes gives me a raccoon look, only in reverse:

I am STUNNED when I see the amazing things people can do with make-up! I don't aspire to be anywhere near that level, but it would be nice to at least even out the color of my skin. I didn't take care of my skin at all when I was younger and it's something I really regret now. When I *do* wear make-up, though, I keep it super simple.

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Some people may read this post and think I don't care at all about my appearance. That's not entirely true; I just prefer to be low-maintenance, mainly because I don't have the attention span to take so much time with my appearance.

I have good hygiene and I wear clothes that I'm comfortable in. I'm just a very practical person, I guess. Sometimes I think it would be fun to do all the girly things; but I would surely sweat through my make-up, chip my nail polish within a few hours, get blisters from uncomfortable shoes, and my hair would be a frizzy tangled mess by noon!

So, this is me... jeans, hoodie, Chucks, messy bun, sans make-up. It works for now :)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 120

Well, Jerry's meeting yesterday went well. He was really nervous because he only knew a couple of people (out of 250-ish) and they had to do group team-building exercises to get to know each other. Jerry is usually super comfortable meeting people and he's always the "icebreaker" in the room, so I don't know what was making him so nervous. But he said they played bocce ball (I don't even know what that is) and it was a lot of fun.

It was a three-day event, and he is on his way home now. He has NEVER traveled this much in such a short time span. It is my turn to go somewhere next, for sure. I had been hoping to go visit Jeanie and Shawn up north, but with our car situation, that's not going to happen for a long time.

We have been fighting with the insurance company about our car for what feels like forever. We called and called the person handling our claim and she never answered. After multiple voicemails, she *finally* returned our calls after about a week... and she said she'd been on vacation! I was so angry. Why did they not give our claim to someone else to handle while she was on vacation?! Meanwhile, we've been without a vehicle all this time. I reported the company to the Better Business Bureau so that we could hopefully get this claim resolved. (And we are absolutely going to look at different insurance providers after this mess.)

Finally, though, the adjuster went to look at the Jeep and said yes, it's totaled. And we're getting a check for more than what I'd hoped! We've been debating what to do... pay off the house and get a loan for a new vehicle, or continue payments on the house and use the insurance check for a large down payment on a new truck for Jerry. Since we were planning on him getting a truck next year anyway, I think that's what we're going to do. I've been working with the numbers in order to pay the least amount of interest on a loan.

Anyway, all of that has nothing to do with my Wednesday Weigh-In. I wrote a long post yesterday about weight loss/maintenance, so I'm going to keep this short. Today's weigh-in:

I was at 129.2, which is down from 129.8 last week. For the past five weeks, my weight has been between 128 and 131--so I'm happy that I've been maintaining! I was really nervous about yesterday's post because, well, how many times have I written about maintenance? And how many times have I felt like I figured it out? Ha! It's hard not to be skeptical, but I don't want to basically plan to fail. I'm just going to do my best.

Tomorrow is Jerry's birthday; he'll be 43. We don't have big plans, but I think we're going to go to the dealership and he can look at trucks. He's been looking online, so he has a good idea of what he wants. It'll just be nice to have a second vehicle again; I don't care what it is.

My mom and I are having a garage sale at her house on Friday, so I've been going through closets and pulling out stuff that I don't want/need; I love purging all of the things that have become clutter. We haven't had a garage sale in years, and I'm actually looking forward to it. I don't expect to make much money; I just really want to get rid of stuff!

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A Lesson In Weight Maintenance

If you've been following my blog for several years, then you know how much my weight goes up and down. I'm not proud of that, but I am grateful that I have kept the majority of the weight off for most of those years. When you look at this graph of my weight, you can see just how much it's fluctuated.

This starts on August 19, 2009, when I began the 125-pound weight loss journey

For each of those dips in the graph, where my weight gets into the goal range, here is a corresponding photo:

December 2010 - December 2011 - December 2012

(Apparently December is a good "goal weight" month for me, haha)

November 2015 - November 2017 - September 2022

And finally... this is my most recent weigh-in photo:

For anyone that has lost a large amount of weight and maintained it, I am in awe of you! Losing the weight was hard, but I had an end goal--I wanted to reach my goal weight. It wasn't until after I reached my goal that I learned just how challenging maintenance is.

I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going to make changes that I wasn't willing to live with forever--and that certainly helped me. I didn't do anything crazy to lose the weight, so keeping it off was more do-able than it would have been otherwise. But I still struggled with it so badly.

Over the years, I stopped having a real "goal weight" and I now have more of a "happy weight"--or a maintenance range. I'd like to stick around 130 pounds; that is where I feel my best. But I'll be happy if I can keep it between 125-135 to allow for *normal* fluctuations.

In the last few weeks, I've started to think more and more about something I've discovered is going to be crucial to maintaining my weight loss. Of all the times I've entered maintenance mode, I never really figured out how to maintain my weight without constantly being careful about what and how much I ate. I hated thinking about it all the time. It was stressful!

I haven't counted calories in a year and a half, and it's so hard to imagine going back to it; with any luck, I won't have to. Still, I think it was necessary at first because it really helped me to get used to smaller portions. I also used the food tracker to see what kind of nutrition I was getting, and to try to increase my fiber.

This new discovery was entirely subconscious; I didn't even really realize I was doing it. I'll try and explain it the best I can...

Ever since becoming vegan, my reasons for food choices (both what I eat and the portion sizes) have changed. (This isn't necessarily due to being vegan, but that's what triggered it.) In the past, I struggled with willpower, motivation, and determination to lose the weight. I relied heavily on willpower to make healthier choices, and I managed to do it long enough to lose 125 pounds. However, I didn't learn how to continue those choices without willpower. You can only white-knuckle something for so long.

When I became vegan, I wanted to make sure I was getting the best nutrition I could. A diet without meat, dairy, or eggs was entirely foreign to me, so it was a little scary. I'd read a lot about "gut health" and I focused on eating more fiber for that reason--not for weight loss or to feel full sooner, or anything like that. I just wanted to be healthy.

Most foods that have a lot of fiber (not fiber that has been added artificially to food, but naturally-occurring fiber) pack a lot of nutrition as well. I chose foods that I enjoyed that just so happened to have a lot of fiber.

I tried to cut out a lot of foods that offered little fiber, but not enough to deprive myself of things that I enjoyed--like dessert. With my blog title being "Runs for Cookies", it's clear that I love dessert. While I was losing weight in the past, I ate some sort of dessert/sweets just about every single day. I counted the calories for it and I still lost weight. Weight loss was my main goal, and it worked! I was able to eat my dessert and reach my goal weight.

I was still binge eating once in a while, almost always on sweets, when I lost the willpower to stick with a small portion. And I couldn't IMAGINE my life without sweets in it! Why give up sweets when I could eat them AND lose weight?

Sometime over the last year or so, I started seeing it differently. Yes, I can still eat sweets and lose weight. However, when I started eating a much healthier diet, I discovered that certain foods trigger me to eat larger portions or to crave sweets in a horrible way.

I cannot even describe what a sugar craving feels like to me. It's torture! Before I lost the weight back in 2009-2010, I remember eating corn syrup straight out of the bottle one time because we didn't have anything sweet in the house. (How gross is that?!) That's just how bad my cravings got.

When I started losing weight, I felt like it was easiest and made the most sense to eat what I was craving. Crave ice cream - eat ice cream - craving satisfied. I had cravings every single day, but I made sure to save calories in order to satisfy that craving. And like I said, I was able to lose weight that way.

Since I started eating a lot healthier (which I attribute to both a vegan and high-fiber diet), I discovered another way to curb my cravings. To get rid of them altogether! I don't know how or why it happened, but I was without anything sweet in the house for several days. There must have been some reason I couldn't go to the store; I don't remember. But the point is, I went four days without sweets.

After four days, I realized my cravings had gone away. Still, I tried to convince myself I was craving something sweet because I was so used to it; but when I tried to think about what sounded good to me, I couldn't think of anything! At that moment, I figured I might as well ride it out--if I was able to say no, then I wanted to say no as long as I could (knowing that dessert has pretty much no nutritional value whatsoever). 

I continued going dessert-free, waiting for my cravings to come back. They never did!

I have no pictures to really fit in with this post, so here is one of me with Brussels sprouts. That seems to fit in.

Then, when Jerry and I went out to dinner at a vegan restaurant last fall, someone bought us dessert. I would have felt bad saying no, and I knew that having half of a cookie wasn't going to hurt my weight loss at all.

After I ate the cookie, it was like someone had flipped a switch in my brain. I couldn't stop thinking about more and more dessert. My cravings were super intense. Logically, I knew if I could go a few days without sweets, the cravings would subside; but holy hell, it was miserable. It took a while before I was able to go several days without dessert again, and when I did, I realized my sugar cravings were gone.

There were a few more times where I did the same thing. Ate dessert even though I didn't *really* crave it, and then that triggered cravings all over again. In July sometime, I finally made the decision to not eat sweets if I was able to say no. It's so much easier to forgo dessert altogether than it is to have it once in a while. (FOR ME--obviously, everybody is different, so this may not be the case for others.)

I remember specifically in July when I made a vegan chocolate cake for Noah's birthday (it is seriously the best chocolate cake EVER--vegan or not). When I made the cake in July, I didn't have that intense feeling of wanting to have a piece. I didn't even lick the spoon or swipe a bit of frosting.

My dad recently made a rhubarb pie and asked to bake it at my house (my parents' oven stopped working when the power went back on a few weeks ago after the storm). I *love* rhubarb, and he told me to take some; I knew if I did, though, I wouldn't be able to stop craving more.

And for once in my life, it wasn't because I didn't want the extra calories; it was because I knew it would make me have horrible cravings for days afterward. Eating the dessert wasn't worth it to me because I hate obsessing over food. Again, it was easier not to have any at all than it was to have even a tiny piece.

That was a big moment for me--it was when I realized that I was maturing in this whole weight loss/healthy eating journey I've been on for the majority of my life. When the sugar is out of my system, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice to forgo dessert at all. I'm making that choice to avoid feeling so uncomfortable in my own mind, obsessing over more sugar. Even if it had/has no effect on my weight, I would still make the same choice just so that I would not have the cravings.

I made a big mistake on Saturday when we went to Eastern Market. One of the vendors sells the most amazing caramel corn, which happens to be vegan. She handed me a sample and before I could even think about it, I ate three kernels of popcorn. It was such a minute amount of sugar that I didn't think much of it. But I became obsessed with that popcorn--Jerry had bought a bag of it, and all day Saturday and Sunday, I could think of practically nothing else. The kids finished it on Sunday night, but my cravings didn't stop; I started thinking about other sweets.

Knowing how it affects me, I just need to ride it out for another day or two and then the cravings will subside. But it has been a very tough few days!

I think that learning these things about my mind/body is going to be crucial to maintaining my weight. I am so tired of the big ups and downs. I mentioned this before, but I think that finding a WHY that doesn't have anything to do with weight loss is the only way I'm going to be able to maintain my weight.

When I look at the big changes I've made over the last few years, there is one common denominator in how I've managed to stick with them--and it has nothing to do with willpower.

1) I stopped drinking because it had become a problem for me and I just felt crappy in general--both mentally and physically--from drinking. I have no desire to go back to drinking; I do think about it once in a while, but my reasons for not drinking far outweigh the short-lived "fun" of drinking.

2) I started eating more fiber to have a healthy digestive system. I also wanted to lower my cholesterol and I knew that a high-fiber diet had the potential to do that.

3) I became vegan for ethical reasons--nothing to do with weight loss--so eating a vegan diet is super easy for me. I don't have any cravings for the non-vegan food I used to eat.

4) And now, learning what I have about how sugar affects my mind and body, I'm able to say no to sweets. Again, not for weight loss reasons; I just don't want to obsess over food.

None of those reasons are because of wanting to lose weight.

Hopefully, all of this makes sense! It seems like it should have been obvious all along, but it's been very eye-opening to see the pieces fall into place (quitting drinking, eating more fiber, becoming vegan, and now learning how sugar affects me). If found a WHY that doesn't include weight loss.

And, ironically, perhaps this is the key to weight maintenance. I guess we'll see! ;)

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The One Where Jerry Let His Guard Down

I started to write out a post about a weight maintenance habit that I've found helpful, but when this incident that I'm about to share happened, I just HAD to post this instead! I'll save the other for tomorrow.

Jerry has a meeting tomorrow for work, and it's kind of a big deal. He's been really nervous about it, and he usually doesn't get nervous about these things. A lot of the "higher ups" in his company will be there and he's going to be meeting a lot of new people.

A few days ago, he asked me if I'd cut his hair before he goes, and I said sure. Last night, I guess he wanted to impress me (?) by cutting his own hair. We all know how that went not once--but TWICE--before. He used the clippers to cut his hair with a #8 (which leaves hair about one inch long). After showering, he saw some loose hairs and grabbed the clippers to trim them.

He forgot to replace the guard on the clippers, however, and began shaving with no guard at all. It only took a moment to realize what was happening, but by then it was too late.

January 2020

We laughed so hard! Surely, it would be a big lesson and he would never again to forget to put the guard on. Right?

On Christmas day of 2020, Jerry decided again to cut his own hair. We'll skip to the point. HE DID IT AGAIN. This time, in an even more conspicuous place on his head.

December 2020

I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face and I insisted I take a video of him explaining how it happened. Again. (The video is below)

We were quarantined due to the pandemic, so we took entertainment wherever we could get it. And this was funny! It is pretty much guaranteed that there is NO CHANCE that he'd ever make that mistake again. How could you not learn from doing that two times? First, I would definitely stop cutting my own hair. And if I *did* cut my own hair, I would triple check that the guard was on before going anywhere near my scalp.

Last night, I was in the bedroom while Jerry was in the bathroom and I heard the clippers running. I almost went in to ask if he wanted me to cut his hair, but I figured he would have asked if he wanted me to. I continued reading my book, and a little while later, I heard something (the clippers) fall to the floor and several expletives coming out of Jerry's mouth.

I wondered what he had dropped or broken or whatever. Then the door flew open and he stood there in the doorway, looking pissed. With a bald stripe down the middle of his head.

I tried to keep a straight face, but it lasted all of two seconds before I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it! That made Jerry laugh, too. I could not believe this had happened THREE TIMES.

We had a good laugh about it while I took the pictures that were now frequent enough to call tradition, and then Jerry had no choice to but to shave the rest of his head. If there is one thing we both agree on, it's that he doesn't really have the look to pull off a shaved head.

I feel terrible that this happened before his meeting tomorrow. I told him that he should just make a joke about it from the very beginning so that he's not self-conscious of it. His bosses will probably get a good laugh! He put on his glasses, hoping that will distract somewhat from his head, but... well, he's just got wait for it to grow out.

For anyone thinking of cutting their own hair with clippers, Jerry has this advice: "Never let your guard down."

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Saturday Photos

I had a busy day yesterday and I decided to just save my "Friday Night Photos" post for today instead. It's only noon right now, and it feels so much later. Noah wanted me to go with him and his girlfriend to Eastern Market (a large farmers' market in Detroit). Jerry is off work today and he hadn't gone to the market since 2012(!) so he wanted to go too. We left at 6:30 this morning to get there early (it gets super busy in the late morning).

I was happy Noah asked me to go! 

Jerry and I both groaned about getting up early, but it was worth it. We didn't plan on buying so much, but it's hard not to when you see how good everything looks!

When we got home, I actually took the time to cut up the cauliflower, green beans, and collard greens. Usually, I tell myself I'll do it later; then, I tend to procrastinate and may or may not do it at all. Now, I have no excuse not to use them.

Those little tubs with the blue flower on them in the middle of the photo came from my favorite vendor at the market. He makes vegan butter in different flavors, and it is SO SO good! I've gotten his herb butter and garlic butter; today, I bought the lemon pepper flavor. I've only ever used it on toast, but he told me it's really good for cooking--the garlic butter with sautéed mushrooms, the herb butter with corn on the cob, etc. I'm definitely going to use it to cook with!

This is the vegan herb butter on sourdough toast:

Speaking of meal prep, I got very ambitious one morning and made a bunch of spice mixes and sauces. I like to have sauces on hand in the freezer because it's super fast to throw dinner together. The jars in the top picture are for tikka masala, so I add either tofu or soy curls; the white-ish jars in the middle picture are truffle mac sauce, so I just have to cook pasta and add that. On the bottom is a spicy orange sauce, which I add to tofu, seitan, or soy curls. The spices I mixed were for Indian-spiced potatoes (I make them frequently) and tikka masala spices. Jerry and I love Indian food if you can't tell, haha.

Jerry really wanted a southwest salad recently, and it actually sounded good to me. I'm not a salad person, but when I do eat one, I like it to be like THIS. It was absolutely delicious! (Black beans, corn, tofu, homemade vegan ranch, salsa, guacamole, and tortilla chips.)

While I'm on the subject of food... Luke and Riley asked Brian if they could have a food fight! Brian thought it sounded like fun, so they went to the store and bought the stuff for a spaghetti dinner. Then they sat on the picnic table outside, and a minute later, the fight began. He took a video of the whole thing and it looked so fun! I wish I'd have thought to do that with my kids when they were little.

I saw some bowl (cozies? holders?) on Pinterest and I thought they were really cute, so I decided to make some. When I tried to look at the site for the pattern, there were SO many ads that I couldn't even see the actual page (literally). So I improvised and made these--I love how they turned out! I'm used to putting a paper towel under my bowl in order to hold it while it's hot (it gets heavy when holding it by the handle). 

While I was sewing them, Duck noticed that they were slightly bowl-shaped, and naturally, he thought it was perfect for him to sit in. 

They are perfect for eating chili while watching football on Sundays in the fall. Football? Yes. Remember how I said Jeanie taught me the rules of football when I was up at her cabin in July? I told her I'd try to watch it this fall. Well, on Thursday, she called me and told me that I really should watch the Detroit Lions game that night. It was the first NFL game of the season and it was in Kansas City, who are the "defending Superbowl champions" (Jerry told me what to write there, hahaha!). Jeanie told me to put on a Lions hoodie and send her a selfie before the game.

I don't have a Lions hoodie, but I *do* have a Lions onesie! I was actually saving it to give to her.

I really wanted to try to understand the game, so I watched it--and I followed it surprisingly well. I found myself getting excited and nervous at all the appropriate times; it was fun, even though I was watching by myself. And the Lions won! It was a HUGE deal, so I'm told. ;)  I think I'll watch some more football this season; I was excited that I was able to understand the general concept. Jerry's actually watching right now while I write this.

Eli started his senior year of high school on Tuesday. It's bittersweet for sure! Of course, I had to get a picture of him on the first day, and he humored me.

I'll finish with this picture of the kittens. (We'll probably always call them that, even though they're three years old now.) A wasp had gotten in the house and was flying around the skylight in the kitchen; they were fascinated, so they went on top of the fridge to get a better look.

And that's all I've got. Have a great weekend! xo

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Three Things Thursday: Media

I used to write posts called "What I'm Reading, Watching, and Listening To" and I really liked them because readers would comment with suggestions of other books/shows/podcasts/etc. that I might want to check out. I've found some of my favorite media that way!

Last summer, I had so much going on. I literally had not read a full book since March, and before that it was November. I do tend to go through phases where I read a lot--several books in a row--and then I won't pick up a book for months. My head just hasn't been in it. Until now.

So, I thought I'd do my "three things" today about what I'm reading, watching, and listening to...

1) Reading

I happened upon this book when I looked up Oprah on Instagram a while ago because one of the kids' friends didn't know who she was and it made me feel ancient. But when I looked her up, her latest post was where she introduced a book for her book club: Demon Copperhead, by Barbara Kingslover.

Oprah's book club was how I'd discovered The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett--which is my favorite book of all time. There were a couple of other books she'd suggested over the years that made it to my top favorites, too. When she posted about Demon Copperhead, I was intrigued. It's an epic, which I love, and even better, a coming-of-age novel.

I'm not done with it yet, so I can't say whether I recommend it; but so far, I love it!

This is the description from the publisher:

Set in the mountains of southern Appalachia, this is the story of a boy born to a teenaged single mother in a single-wide trailer, with no assets beyond his dead father's good looks and copper-colored hair, a caustic wit, and a fierce talent for survival. In a plot that never pauses for breath, relayed in his own unsparing voice, he braves the modern perils of foster care, child labor, derelict schools, athletic success, addiction, disastrous loves, and crushing losses. Through all of it, he reckons with his own invisibility in a popular culture where even the superheroes have abandoned rural people in favor of cities.

I've reached the point in the book where I just want to keep reading and not stop until I'm done. There are little hints here and there of what's to come later, and it makes me very curious. It's written in first person, and Damon (the main character, who begins the narrative at age 10) will say something interesting, followed by "...but that's a story that I'll tell later."

After I read this, I may go through some of Oprah's old picks for her book club, because I've really liked what I've read of her suggestions.

2) Watching

Maybe part of the reason I haven't read a book in a while is because of my obsession with the show Criminal Minds. Holy smokes. I'd seen several episodes a long time ago, but I didn't really get into it right way. Earlier this summer, I was looking for something to watch (kind of in the background) while I was working on a project. Criminal Minds has a million seasons (actually 16, but it seems to go on forever), so I picked that.

The show is a bit dramatic in the way it's structured, but once you get invested in the characters, it doesn't make any difference. And it's actually a pretty dark show when they get into some tough cases. Basically, the show is about a unit in the FBI called the Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU)--a group of agents who do criminal profiling to catch serial killers. Each episode usually concerns one case, and then moves on to a different one in the next episode, but some cases are ongoing throughout the season.

I got SO hooked on it! I absolutely love the characters, who come and go through the seasons. My very favorites are Spencer and Penelope. I just finished the most recent season, which is why I decided to dust off my Kindle and finally read Demon Copperhead.

3) Listening To

I've written about my favorite podcasts several times, and the list doesn't change very much. My go-to favorites are still This Is Actually Happening, Sword & Scale, True Crime All The Time, and Stuff You Should Know. Oh, and Beautiful/Anonymous. While a lot of people listen to music, I like listening to podcasts and audiobooks.

Branching out from my usual and familiar sort of podcasts, I started listening to one called Feeling Good Podcasts with David D. Burns, M.D. I actually looked him up after my psychiatrist recommended a book called When Panic Attacks (written by Burns). I started reading the book but when I got to the "homework" part, I was kind of stumped in applying it to my life because my anxiety is so generalized.

However, when I found the podcast, I discovered all sorts of great mental health info.

Burns is a psychiatrist who has studied in depth about the effectiveness of medications for mental illness like depression and anxiety, and how it compares to therapy (both alone and/or with medication). He's written several books that focus on how his research has helped him develop ideal cognitive therapy approaches.

Aside from that, I just like listening to it because the episodes are full of helpful techniques we can use on our own to help with depression and anxiety (there are episodes about other mental illnesses as well, but a lot of the focus is on those).

I like to listen to it while I'm falling asleep; not because it's boring, but because it helps me to feel good. Haha, I just typed that and then realized that "Feeling Good" is literally the name of the podcast. Well, I can attest to that! It definitely makes me feel good and hopeful and motivated to work on emotions I'm going through.

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And there you have it! I'm hoping that I'll continue to read more after I'm done with this book, so if you have more suggestions, please feel free to share them.

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 119

Even though I've been weighing in every week, it didn't really hit me until a couple of days ago that it's been well over TWO YEARS since I started losing the weight I'd gained in 2018. It's kind of hard to remember what it was like in May of 2021 when I started counting calories again. And it certainly feels like a lifetime ago!

I can't say this with certainty, but I'm pretty sure that this is the first time I've ever been the same size a year later. My wardrobe is the same as it was last year at this time and it's such an odd feeling! I don't have any clothes that I'm holding on to because they're too small and I hope to get into them someday. Instead, I've altered most of my clothes to fit me well at this size (with room for a little fluctuation).

The fact that I managed to go a whole year without counting calories and don't have to replace my entire wardrobe is kind of hard to believe. My weight didn't stay completely steady through the year, of course, but I took care of my winter weight gain before it got out of control and took the weight off before I felt like it was "too far gone".

And regardless of what my weight has been, I've continued my healthier eating habits. Being vegan played a huge role in that. I also learned a big lesson recently that I think is going to be key to maintaining my weight loss. I started to write about that here, but realized it really should be its own post because it's kind of hard to explain.

Anyway, my weigh-in:

I was at 129.8 today. Last week, I was at 129.4, so I am happy with it! I consider "maintenance" to be within a 3-4 pound range or so. Sometimes, one particular meal the night before a weigh-in will make my weight go up by a couple of pounds and I certainly don't want to obsess over that. What's important to me is that I know I made healthy choices all week.

This has actually been a really great week for me! My mood has done a 180, I've been working on implementing new habits into my life, and I've had a lot more energy. I've been on top of meal prepping, which is a big stress reliever, and I do have hope that the bad luck my family has experienced over the last year is going to turn around.

Speaking of, last night was kind of funny. Since we only have one car between Jerry, Eli, and me right now, we've had to change things up. Jerry was off work yesterday and Eli had the car at work. Jerry decided he wanted to ride his bike to Kroger for a couple of things. If we lived in an area that prioritized bike riding, this would be great! It's only three and a half miles away, so we would probably do it frequently.

However, the roads here are not at all bike-friendly. Not only are the roads made of rough concrete (uncomfortable to bike on), there are also no bike lanes. For a mile on one side of the road is a so-called bike lane, but it's essentially just a small shoulder that abruptly ends halfway down the road. There are no shoulders on the rest of the road. For cyclists and pedestrians, it's pretty dangerous.

Drivers regularly drive 10-15 miles per hour over the speed limit of 45 mph and paying attention to the road seems to be a very tough concept for many to understand. I have to be very aware when I'm running, and it's kind of scary! I don't run on that road very often, and never past the point of where the shoulder ends.

Anyway, Jerry brushed a few years' worth of dust from his bike and filled the tires with air. He wanted me to time him for his round-trip; I guessed it would take him about an hour. After he left, I started thinking about how the last couple of months have come down to us having to ride bikes to Kroger and it made me laugh out loud.

And then it occurred to me that Jerry doesn't have a bike lock, and HOW FUNNY it would be if someone stole his bike while he was in the store! A year ago, it wouldn't have been funny at all; but our perspective has changed for sure. I almost thought about asking my dad to drive me to Kroger so that I could prank Jerry by moving his bike so he'd think it was stolen when he walked out.

When he got home, I asked him what he'd have done if he went outside only to find his bike was gone, and he agreed--he'd think it was hilarious. He said he would probably "laugh maniacally", haha. So, I think we're finally at the point that all we can really do is laugh about our situation (either that or we've lost our minds).

The person handling our claim at the car insurance company has been on vacation (yes, seriously) and is *supposed* to be back today. Let's hope so!

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Deep Thoughts With Jerry #23

Jerry hasn't done a "Deep Thoughts" post in a while. I'm kind of embarrassed to even publish this one because he gets kind of gushy about me! But he's insistent, so here he is...

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It's been a while. Usually I get on here and answer some questions that I find on various websites, but it's been an eventful time for me, so I'll write about that.

In late July I was asked to go work at a plant down in Texas for two weeks. They had been experiencing turnover and by losing some of their key operators a lot of knowledge was lost. So, they asked me and three others to go down to cover for the guys who were going to be training the new hires. 

The guys I was helping cover for were a select group that performed hot work on the assets and also traveled the world to other plants within my company to help. I have zero problem working in the extreme heat, and I actually enjoy it to a certain extent. I took the opportunity to learn as much as I could, working without complaint or hesitation. I learned quite a bit and had gotten some praise for my efforts. Hopefully this will afford me some other opportunities in the future. 

Texas. Texas was hot AF. 

I would get up around 4:45 am for work and it was already 85 degrees. When I would go to bed at 10:00 pm or so it was 100! Never seen anything like it. I had a case of water in my room and plowed through the water at work but it never seemed like enough.

We had the weekend off and the managers at the plant bought us tickets to the Texas Rangers game in Arlington. It did not disappoint! The seats were great and the game was a nail-biter. And the stadium, gorgeous. And it should be, seeing as how they spent $1.6 billion on it.

The next day, we went to a flea market called First Monday Canton. Apparently it's the world's largest flea market. In October they have somewhere close to 7,000 vendors across 450 acres. However, the weekend we went they "only" had about 1,000, and that's just because of the heat. Overall, Texas was a good time. 

After being gone for two weeks in Texas, I was ready to be home. And I had a whole week off work, which was nice. I'd already had a trip planned with some old high school friends for the 3rd week in August. I hadn't seen these friends in quite some time, but we had all somewhat stayed connected in the 24 years out of high school.

The plan was to go out to my friend's cabin on the west side of the state for five days. That almost fell through with the torrential downpour and flooding we had with some storms during the night before we left.

On my way home from work that morning, I decided to take another route home because my normal route had become somewhat flooded and I didn't want to drive through that. Everything was cool until I came upon a section of road that was getting completely covered with water. I had slowed down because I didn't want to start hydroplaning. Another vehicle had other plans.

This person was driving super fast and started hydroplaning when they hit that section of road, which caused them to come into my lane. With the fear of getting hit I started to get over a little and that's when the car started floating, completely out of my control, right into a ditch.

After dealing with the tow truck taking the car, the drive home (Eli picked me up), a call to the insurance company, no power at home, and a panic attack I was just ready to call the weekend. Be done with it. Katie was super insistent that I go out with my friends and enjoy the time. So that's what I did. It was great to connect with good friends and just pick up right where we left off. I'm hoping that this will become an annual thing with us. 

*Gush alert*

After all my time away Katie had her hands full. She knows the opportunity that being in Texas was for me professionally and was beyond supportive of it. In many ways us being apart for two weeks helped bring us closer together. And then with the trip I had planned with my friends... what can I say? She was so insistent that I go, even though the timing was the worst ever.

To say I have the best wife ever would be an understatement. I truly lucked out with having a wife that I can talk to, someone who looks out for me and has my best interest at heart. We've been together for 24 years, married for 20 of them. We've grown a lot and essentially became adults together. I'm so crazy lucky that I found my soulmate so young. 

*End gush*  [Katie here--I *swear* I did not write that myself! And he neglected to mention that I was in a very grumpy mood and I didn't even want to hear how much fun he was having while I was at home with no power.]

As for the future? There are some things on the horizon for me, hopefully they come true. Talks at work of me getting back on day shift again are still on-going. I'm still trying to create as much value as I can for the company, making me less expendable, and hopefully I'll be compensated well for my efforts and knowledge.

Personally, at home, things are starting to look up. Noah started a full-time job as well as continuing his college classes. Eli started back to school today and everything seems to be tracking in the right direction for him. Katie and I, we are good. As I type this I'm watching her read her Kindle on this floor pillow she has and she's so f**king adorable. She's way out of my league.

PS: Thank you all for the support you've shown our family over the years. It means a lot to me to know that Katie has had so much support from total strangers when she needs it the most.

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VEGAN RECIPE REVIEW: Sweet Potato & Black Bean Chili (Crockpot)

I haven't done a recipe review in a long time--mainly because I haven't been cooking new recipes. As you know, I've been having a really tough year; the last thing I was worried about was cooking new recipes. But I'm feeling SO much better--I have more energy, I have been thinking more positively, and I just feel more motivated in general.

Yesterday, I went for my morning run (my very, very short run around the block) and when I got back home, I felt like I had some energy to burn. I decided to prep dinner--and better yet, I chose a crockpot recipe. I love being able to prep dinner in the morning and not have to worry about it until dinner time.

I happened to have all of the ingredients on hand, and I'm sure most people probably would (except maybe the sweet potatoes). I thought this would be a good recipe to post because it doesn't have "weird" vegan foods in it. It looked like a recipe that vegans *and* omnivores may like.

Because this is a crockpot recipe, there aren't many steps--so this will be a relatively short post. I found this recipe at Eating on a Dime. You can find the full recipe on the site. I will link to it again at the bottom of this post.

Duck is helping me write this today. He is so sweet and it absolutely melts my heart when he wants to be close to me like this. (Pressing the Return key isn't very easy, but every cat lover knows what it's like trying not to disturb a sleeping cat.)

First up is the ingredients list:

onion
green pepper
minced garlic
black beans
sweet potatoes
diced tomatoes
chili powder
cumin
paprika
cayenne (optional; I used 1/2 tsp.)
oregano
salt
broth (I use homemade bouillon, which I wrote about below)

To prep everything, I just chopped the onions and pepper. Then I cut the sweet potatoes into large chunks (I wanted them to hold their shape after the long cooking time in the crockpot). I opened the cans of beans and drained and rinsed those. 

For recipes that call for broth, I use homemade vegan bouillon powder mixed with water. It's very similar to a chicken bouillon powder. I usually use 1/2 Tbsp. of powder for every 1 cup of water. But any broth will do.

Then, I just dumped everything into the crockpot and set it on low heat (planning to cook it for about five hours).

I'm very familiar with cooking soups, stews, and chilis in the crockpot and three cups seemed like a lot of water, especially considering the amount of vegetables that would give off water as they cooked as well. 

Usually for recipe reviews, I do everything exactly as written. However, instead of the three cups of broth that is called for, I used two and set the third aside in case it was needed. After giving it a stir, I decided holding off on the extra cup of broth was probably the way to go, knowing there would be more liquid as the veggies cooked.

Other modifications: The recipe called for 1/2 an onion, which I never do--why not a whole onion? So I used a whole one. I also cut the salt in half, figuring I could add more later. (In the end, the extra broth and extra salt were not needed.)

I cooked it on low for about five hours. I gave it a stir a couple of times because I didn't want the sweet potatoes to get overcooked and mushy, and I also wanted to see if it needed more broth. This was about halfway through, and you can see there was a lot more liquid:

The house smelled heavenly of chili spices while it cooked. The kids (and Jerry) asked what was for dinner, and I told them Sweet Potato & Black Bean Chili. None of them seemed thrilled, hahaha. I have stopped trying to cater to everyone's wants and decided to cook healthy meals that I thought sounded good--they can take it or leave it. Or cook dinner themselves.

When it was done, I tasted a chunk of sweet potato and was surprised at just how good it was. I've never added sweet potatoes to chili before; I like sweet potatoes, but I only ever really eat them as a side dish  (and even that is only occasionally). Sweet potato casserole, baked sweet potatoes, sweet potato fries. I tried them in a hash one time at a restaurant and wasn't a fan. So, I wasn't sure if I was going to like them in chili.

The sweet potatoes had completely absorbed the flavors of the spices, and I honestly couldn't tell that they were sweet potatoes (judging by taste). The texture was really nice in the chili--a contrast to the usual bean chili (vegan) or meat chili.

Jerry and the kids are *not* sweet potato fans, so I totally didn't expect them to eat it. However, I wanted them to at least taste a piece of the sweet potato because I was sure that it would change their minds. And I was right! Jerry's face went from extremely skeptical to pleasantly surprised. He said they were amazing--the taste and the texture.

Eli was at work, but I gave Noah a piece to try; his face was skeptical as well, but he agreed. (I love that he is open-minded about trying foods that he thinks he won't like.) Just like Jerry, he was very surprised that he liked it. I was thrilled! Sweet potatoes are so healthy and I want to incorporate them into my diet more, so having the family on board is a bonus. I'm going to see if Eli will try a piece today. (I would bet my life that he'll say, "It's not bad". I don't think he would ever admit to liking sweet potatoes.)

Jerry took the chili to work with him and said that he "really liked the sweet potatoes, but the beans didn't have any flavor". This both surprised and confused me--canned beans are canned beans. I use them all the time in chili and he's never said that before.

I had a big bowl of it (too big, actually--I felt uncomfortably full afterward). I loved it! This is something I will absolutely make again. I would like to utilize my crockpot more, and this recipe was super easy. Noah actually ate a bowl of it for dinner, too, which I didn't expect.

Final thoughts: 

-super easy!
-lots of fiber
-tons of good nutrition
-use a whole onion
-cut salt in half
-reduce broth to 2 cups instead of 3
-good sweet potato recipe for people who think they don't like sweet potatoes
-the spiciness was PERFECT for me (if you don't like things spicy, then leave out the cayenne)
-leftovers reheat really well
-a good recipe for days when the groceries are running low

This was delicious and I definitely recommend giving it a try! You can find the recipe at Eating on a Dime.

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