Since I started eating a vegan diet in January, I've been doing this recipe series to try out new ways of eating (mostly) familiar foods. I've always loved trying new things--even if it doesn't sound good to me at all--because I never know what I may take a liking to!
Each week, I pick a recipe (usually via Pinterest or something that is recommended to me) to prepare--exactly as written--and taste. When my meat-eating family is here and willing, they taste it as well and give me their honest opinions. I've been trying to pick a variety of recipes so that I'm not always making the same dish with a different sauce or something like that.
First, I have a funny story that is appropriate for this post. It showed up on my Facebook memories today (it was from 2015):
Jerry, the kids, and I were just eating lunch at La Pita, and Noah was looking at a bottle of extra virgin olive oil... Noah: "Extra virgin? There aren't very many virgins in the world!" (Jerry and I exchange a look) Me: "Do you know what a virgin is?" Noah: "Yeah, it's someone that doesn't eat any meat or animal products." Me: "Oh, you mean vegan!" Noah: "Yeah, that's it! So what's a virgin?"
Hahaha! Anyways...
Today, I just looked for a recipe where I didn't have to go to the store for ingredients. I've had a very emotionally rough day regarding Phoebe (I'll update that tomorrow) and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the store. So, I decided to try out a variation of a chicken salad or tuna salad sandwich--a Chickpea Salad Sandwich. (It's not meant to taste like chicken or taste like tuna; it's just a mayonnaise-based salad like those.) Here is the recipe on The Hidden Veggies. (I'll link to it again at the end of the post.)
Yes, I know that mayonnaise is not vegan ;) This recipe calls for vegan mayo (homemade or store-bought); the author uses her own vegan mayo recipe, but I just used store-bought Hellman's vegan mayo. There may be better brands out there, but Hellman's is familiar to me, which is why I bought that one.
The ingredients are simple enough: chickpeas, vegan mayo, pickles and pickle juice, celery, garlic powder, salt, and pepper.
The recipe didn't say whether to remove the skins from the chickpeas, so I didn't do that at first. As soon as I started smashing the chickpeas, however, the skins seemed very out of place. So, I removed the skins. (The last time I mentioned removing the skins from chickpeas, I said that I remove them one-by-one with my fingers and several people commented with faster/easier ways to do it. I just can't figure it out! Maybe I'm being too gentle with them? But I ended up removing the skins one-by-one for this.)
They looked much better after mashing them without the skins. (After I wrote this, I looked at the photos on the recipe again; I guess I wasn't supposed to remove the skins! They are shown in the photo. I doubt it makes much difference, but I thought I should note that.)
After that, it was just a matter of mixing everything together. I chopped celery and pickles (you could certainly use relish, but since I had both in the my fridge and the recipe specified pickles, I just chopped up a pickle). I added the other ingredients and mixed it all together.
I immediately thought that the texture was too loose for my liking; I don't like a ton of mayonnaise in the ____-salad sandwiches. Maybe if I'd left the skins on the chickpeas, it would have been thicker.
I took a taste of it before putting it on bread. Unfortunately, I was not a fan. It tasted like it was missing something--maybe some dill? And the mayo was a bit overpowering.
I didn't want to make a full sandwich out of it since I didn't think I'd eat it, so I just took a slice of Dave's Killer Bread (this bread is AMAZING) and cut it in half, then put the chickpea salad in between the halves.
I really wanted to like it. And I think if there was less mayonnaise and maybe some stronger seasoning, I would have liked it better. Noah was here--lucky him!--so I asked him to take a bite and tell me what he thought. He started chewing and then made a face that looked like he was deciding whether or not to spit it into a napkin. This doesn't surprise me and honestly shouldn't reflect the recipe itself; Noah isn't a fan of the salad-sandwich recipes in general. I'm happy he was willing to try it, though.
Eli wasn't here to try it, although I imagine he'd have the same reaction as Noah. Jerry tried it and said he really liked the flavor of it but not the texture. If you like the salad-sandwiches, perhaps you'll like this! I would just add the mayo last, adding just enough until it's the consistency you like. And who knows? Maybe if I'd made the homemade vegan mayo I would like it better.
There are lots of recipes for chickpea salad out there, so I may try another one in the future. I love the idea of it! The simplicity of the ingredients is appealing. I just wish I liked the flavor/texture better.
Again, here is the recipe on The Hidden Veggies. Maybe you'll have better luck!
Thank you for the kind words about Phoebe on yesterday's post. I haven't even had time to really process everything; today felt like the longest day ever! So, I'm going to put off my Friday Night Photos post to tomorrow. Or maybe even just wait until next week.
Last night when I was in bed, Eli came and told me that the varsity baseball coach wanted him to play in a double header today. (Eli talked all last year about wanting to make varsity this year; well, he made varsity after he tried out, but the next day he asked the coaches if he could switch to JV because he thought it would be more fun and his friends were on JV. Haha!)
Anyway, I had zero plans of doing the baseball mom thing today, but I had no choice. We had to meet the team at 8:30 this morning--I have no idea why the coach wanted them so early because the first game wasn't until 11:00. The games were 40 minutes away and with gas being over $4 a gallon, I wasn't going to drop him off to practice, go home, and then drive back for the games. So, we drove to the fields and I completely FROZE for the next SEVEN HOURS.
I went prepared, too. I wore thermal underwear (top and bottom), jeans, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, a winter coat, a Buff, a hat, and gloves. But I was still the coldest I've ever been during a baseball game. TWO baseball games.
The first game was from 11:00-12:45, and the second game started at 1:00. The games are usually about 90 minutes--2 hours tops. I have no idea why, but they let the second game drag on until after 4:00! All of the kids were freezing and ready to be done.
I sat outside for as long as I could stand it--about halfway through the second game. By then, my feet were so painful and numb (yes, somehow they were both at the same time) that I just couldn't do it. So I went to the car to warm up and I could see the game from there.
I just got home, and I'm dying to eat something and then sit under the electric blanket all evening.
This is supposed to be April?! Even Michigan isn't usually this cold in April.
Here is yesterday's random fact of the day...
This actually made me laugh, because it sounds like "all you have to do is..." and then lists way too many things to even remember! I shop alone. I do make a list but I rarely stick to it (if ever). I use mobile coupons. I buy generic brands (except for a few things). Still, our grocery bill kind of skyrocketed once the boys became teenagers ;)
Man, I've had a lot of emotional posts lately. And that's only the stuff I write about! There has been so much going on over the past six months or so that I *haven't* written about and I feel completely emotionally drained. Today topped the cake.
I'm going to save my Friday Night Photos post for tomorrow. I'm going write this quickly so I can try to distract my mind with anything other than real life right now.
On Wednesday, I heard Phoebe throw up (if you have cats, you very distinctly know that noise!) and when I went to clean it up, I saw that she'd just thrown up bile. Not that unusual--it happens with all animals once in a while. But then she continued to throw up bile several times throughout the day. The last time that happened was when Duck ate yarn and needed emergency surgery. However, Phoebe knows better than to eat yarn--she's about 15 years old now. Still, I wasn't too worried because Phoebe has a very sensitive stomach and by the evening, she stopped throwing up.
Yesterday morning, Phoebe didn't eat her breakfast. She's always been picky about food, so I still didn't think much of it. However, she was drinking a ton of water--much more than usual. I found her in the bathroom next to the toilet, almost like she wanted water from the bowl (I've never seen her do that before). Jerry saw her sitting in the shower later, too.
She seemed very lethargic and she didn't look good--un-groomed and her eyes just looked dull. She also seemed like she'd lost weight and Phoebe can't afford to lose weight. I weighed her and she was only five pounds! I placed water bowls all over the house for her because she seemed so lethargic I didn't know if she'd be able to go to her usual bowl. I called the vet to see if they could get her in, and they said to bring her in a 4:00 today.
From everything I read online, it sounded like kidney disease/failure. I really hoped it was something else, something that had an easy fix.
She did lie in the sun yesterday--she loves the warmth! (She looks big in this picture, but if Duck was lying next to her, you'd be in shock. He weighs more than twice what Phoebe does!)
She looked so bad this afternoon that I prepared myself for the worst--I thought for sure that she wasn't going to be coming home with me from the vet. I thought we'd have to have her euthanized. I prepared Jerry and the kids for the worst. She seemed completely miserable, hadn't eaten in two days and was doing nothing but hiding under Eli's bed. When I pulled her out, she seemed like she was in a lot of pain. I've been afraid to even pick her up because she's so frail.
It was odd going to the vet, because this was the first time I've ever been inside this particular vet's office! They'd been doing curbside service for two years (which is when we switched vets) but now they are allowing people inside. I ended up being there for over two hours while they did tests then explained the diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment.
Phoebe has kidney disease. And she's not doing so well. The vet explained that it's progressive--not curable--and we could try treating it with diet and medication. She suggested that we try it for a week and then do another blood test to see if her numbers improve at all. If she seems to be doing better, we can continue with the treatment; if not, we'll need to make the decision to whether to euthanize her.
I already know that this treatment is going to be damn near impossible. Phoebe never wants to eat when I want her to and when she does eat, it's only a couple of teaspoons at a time. The other cats can sniff out a can of food from a mile away and they go nuts for it. I'm not about to give them Phoebe's expensive food, so I have to try to feed her in my bedroom/bathroom and lock the kittens out. I can't leave food unattended for even half a second.
Phoebe will might take a few licks and then I have to put her food in the fridge and try again later. Each time I do, the kittens go crazy because they want her food.
In addition to the food issue, I have to give her subcutaneous fluids once a day. They gave me an IV bag filled with saline and showed me how to put the needle under her skin and give her fluids that way. I practiced it at the vet and I was able to do it, thankfully; otherwise, I'd have to drive her 45 minutes to the vet every day!
I also have to give her an anti-nausea pill so that she'll get her appetite back and I have another supplement to give her in addition to her food (it's like a gravy). So far, I've yet to get her to try either one and I've attempted it a few times.
Going through all the stuff with the cats in December was hell. I was so drained and emotional and just frustrated about the whole situation. It was like an around-the-clock job taking care of the cats. If it was just Phoebe here, it'd be no problem. But the food issue is stressful.
I don't have a lot of hope that she's going to get much better--Phoebe is just not motivated by food (or anything, really).
Anyway, we're going to spoil her this week and give her tons of love and attention. We know we may only have this week with her. I don't even want to think about all this right now. I'm just already stressed thinking about tomorrow and trying to *literally* herd cats!
(Excuse any spelling/grammar errors; I'm not going to proofread today.)
This is not at all the post I expected to be writing!
A few months ago, my sister suggested running the Glass City Marathon Relay in Toledo on April 24th. I had no interest in running races since I got back to running last May, but the idea of the relay actually sounded really fun. I've run it before and the course is fantastic.
The relay is done with a team of five, each person running one leg of a particular distance. Jeanie asked if Jerry and I would be interested, as well as her best friend Audrey and my younger brother Nathan. It didn't take long to even think about it--training for that sounded perfect to push me to follow some sort of schedule.
I wrote up a relatively easy 10K plan (the longest leg of the relay is 6.6 miles if I remember correctly) to prepare for the race. Jerry and I have been following the plan and are up to running five miles for our long run.
Unfortunately, I've had issues with my knee and I still don't know what's going on with it. I cut back on running--instead of running four days a week, I've been running three. My knee hurts pretty badly the day after a run (it doesn't start while I'm running, but several hours after I finish and then continues the entire following day). Then the day after that, I feel fine to run again. So I was giving a full day's rest between runs.
As of right now, I haven't run since Sunday because my knee is still bothering me! It hurts to walk or even do anything other than stand still or sit. I even notice it hurting when I turn over in bed. I'll run again as soon as the pain goes away, but I'm frustrated. It doesn't feel like a typical knee injury and I don't remember doing anything to injure it.
Anyway, that's secondary to the other problem... our relay team fell apart! Audrey is injured and Nathan said he doesn't feel ready because he hasn't run in a long time. Jeanie has a lot of unexpected stuff going on and said if we really need her to, she can come out for the race but it would just be for one night. She lives in Illinois, so I wouldn't want to put that pressure on her to drive all the way here for the race that isn't going as planned. (I don't even know if my knee will allow me to run then!)
I did ask a couple of other people about possibly joining and was able to find someone for one spot, but it's just not working out to put together a whole team this last-minute (about two weeks away). So, it doesn't look like the relay is going to happen for us. I'm super bummed! I was looking forward to it.
The bright side is that the training has gotten me following a running schedule and I've improved my fitness since I started. Jerry and I both said we are going to continue with the training schedule (it's only two more weeks) and then I'll write another one for maintenance so that we don't lose our fitness. I'm really hoping my knee will be feeling good enough to run tomorrow, but it might be good to give it a few extra days' rest.
Anyway, despite the fact that this isn't going as planned, I'll write a quick recap of this past week's runs.
FRIDAY (Run 4 miles easy)
It was cold and a little windy on Friday morning, but I still wanted to run outside--and I actually went out there and started at 7:40 AM! It was funny when I was getting ready--I had no idea how to dress for the weather anymore. It's been so long since I was regularly running outside that I completely forgot what to wear for different temps. (It was 34 degrees outside)
I ended up wearing my Cold Gear running tights, a thin long-sleeved shirt with a running jacket over it, gloves, and a Buff for my head. It turned out to be pretty good--I was a little warm sometimes, but each time I got close to the lake, I was glad I dressed warm.
I actually felt so good that while I was running, I decided to run five miles instead of four; my long run on Sunday was scheduled for five miles, but since I was feeling good, I figured I'd just swap the four- and five-milers. I ran the same five-mile route that I was walking daily for months in 2020-21 and it felt nostalgic.
As usual, I covered my Garmin so I didn't see my pace, but I deliberately tried to run slower than I've been running outside lately. I wanted it to be a *true* easy run, so I ran at a pace that felt comfortable. A good way for me to notice the difference is in my breathing rhythm--when I run an easy pace, I tend to run with 4:3 breathing (inhaling for four steps and exhaling for three steps). As soon as I notice I'm breathing with a 3:2 ratio, I know I'm probably going a little too fast.
(I actually wrote a whole post on How to Breathe While Running, if you're interested--I learned about it from the famous Budd Coates when I was at the Runner's World headquarters. It's actually much more interesting than you may think!)
After five miles, I saw that my average overall pace was 11:20 (I was imagining 11:30, so pretty much what I expected). What interested me most, though, was my heart rate. It was really consistent for each mile! And it was in the ideal "easy zone" for the entire run (according to the heart rate reserve training I wrote about last week).
Summary: 5.01 miles in 56:46 (an 11:20/mile pace). Average heart rate was 147 bpm.
SUNDAY (Long run - Run 5 miles easy)
I already wrote that I switched my long run to Friday, so on Sunday, I just had to run four miles. It actually snowed on Saturday night, but after having such a good outdoor run on Friday, I decided to run outside. There were only a few areas on the roads that had any slush/snow anyway. (It was 34 degrees again, same as Friday)
I used the same pacing/breathing strategy as I did on Friday and I had pretty much the same results! My average pace was 11:21/mile and my heart rate was consistent. I was in the "aerobic" zone the whole time.
A few hours after I was done running, my knee started hurting; then it got pretty bad on Monday. I skipped Tuesday's run and I'm skipping today's run. If it's better on Sunday, I'll run. I've actually really been enjoying the outdoor runs in this weather. The weather is miserable for everything else, but great for running!
Summary: 4.01 miles in 45:30 (11:21/mile). Average heart rate was 145 bpm.
Okay, well that's what's going on for now. Maybe now that I'm not doing the race, I'll write up a heart rate training plan to start when this schedule is done. I like seeing the splits on the new Garmin!
This shirt! I am SO excited that it fits me and I can actually wear it now. When I first bought it ages ago, I couldn't even pull it down over my chest. It was one of the tightest fitting shirts I've owned. But I loved it so much that I just had to buy it. I'm still not cool with my bare arms--I don't think I ever will be, unless I get surgery to remove the excess skin--so I covered them for the picture. This happened to be the one day that my cats *weren't* surrounding me and begging for attention while I was trying to take a picture.
What a week! Having my DietBet weigh-in on Saturday was rough, in case you missed that post. After this current DietBet game is over (July 1st) I will be done with DietBet! I'm glad that it helped me with what I needed, but eventually it just turned stressful. I definitely don't want a repeat of Friday/Saturday.
I ate back to "normal" after my DietBet weigh-in and I'm happy with how it went. My weight this morning...
I was at 151.6; this is certainly not ideal, but I'm down 3 pounds since last Wednesday. I'm happy with that! The thing that was having the biggest impact on my weight gain last week was snacking on nuts and/or peanut butter in the evenings. Since I am giving up post-dinner snacking until April 30th in solidarity with a loved one who is in alcohol rehab for 30 days, I'm curious to see how it works out. As a result, I've added a little food to my other meals to get in the same calories.
I won't write too much about weight because of my big post about my DietBet weigh-in. Just some random thoughts:
* My body is older now (I hate admitting that I hit 40 years old in January) and perhaps my body wants to be at a higher weight than I'd like. Since I've been hanging out between 147 and 150-ish for going on two months, maybe that's were my body wants to be. Disappointing, but what can I do?
* I'm less active than I used to be. My chronic pain limits my physical activity to an extent. Not to mention that I threw out my back when I was stretching for a knee injury! Hahaha.
*Speaking of my knee, I wasn't able to run yesterday and I STILL don't think I'll be running today. Believe it or not, I'm disappointed. Yesterday was great weather to run (and so is today!) but it hurts just to walk around the house, so I don't want to risk serious damage by running. It used to feel better about 48 hours after my previous run, but my last run was Sunday and it's now Wednesday.
*I tried switching up the things I was eating, at least for lunchtime. I don't think that was helpful. I have since gone back to my cold Almond Joy Oats. Interestingly, Jerry loves it too and I've been making an extra jar of it every morning for him to bring to work later. He mentioned at work that I am now eating vegan, and now all the guys are making fun of him and saying that *he's* vegan (he's not). Eye roll.
*I've started cooking ahead a little so that I don't feel overwhelmed for dinnertime. My meals are super easy--I usually make some sort of sauce (and I mix it together in a mason jar in the morning so it's ready to go later), then I make rice, barley, farro, quinoa or something like that and add in beans and/or vegetables. I think I'm going to make a couple of big batches of sauces and freeze them in single serving portions. I can just pull one out of the freezer and reheat it. By keeping batches of already-cooked grains in the fridge and opening a can of beans, I have a super quick, easy, and heathy meal.
I feel a little guilty for it, but I told Jerry and the kids that they can buy and cook their own meat. They're all old enough to do it and I don't mind making the rest of the dinner, but I don't want to do the meat. They all seemed fine with it.
So, that's about it as far as my diet/weight loss is going. I will not be buying any more cashews ;) I'd like to get back under 150 this week!
Happy Transformation Tuesday! I have a few fun transformations from readers to share with you today :) One of the submissions reminded me of a series I'd like to push a little is "Reader Emails"--where readers write in for various reasons: to celebrate some fun news--buying a first house, paying off debt, losing a lot of weight, quitting smoking or drinking, etc., anything they are proud of.
I'd also like to include peoples' projects--when people make a craft or do something that they want to show off, but maybe they don't have a "before" photo in order to make it a transformation on Tuesday. I'd also like to include thrifty finds (things that are bought at a big discount through thrift stores or garage sales, or even picked up from someone's trash! I've posted a few of the "Reader Email" posts, but I'd love to make that a regular thing. So if you have anything you want to share, brag about, or whatever, consider it a "show and tell" type thing.
Just send me an email at: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com and include at least one picture.
Anyway, here are some readers' transformations from this week:
My transformation involves my 12 year old son’s bedroom. My son (also a Noah) is my sister’s only niece or nephew, and the only grandchild on both sides. As a result, Noah is spoiled by all of them and gets way more presents than we would like. So, he has way too much stuff in his room and it’s difficult to keep everything organized.
My philosophy on keeping his room clean is that it’s his space, so he can keep it how he wants. He can’t leave his stuff all over the rest of the house, but his room can be as much of a disaster as he likes. Sometimes, however, I can’t take it anymore.
Yesterday, I reached my breaking point and had to do something about it. This transformation was worth every minute it took! Now, we can walk through his room without tripping or getting stabbed in the foot by a plastic, pokey toy. Chaos to order - so satisfying!
- Elizabeth
Elizabeth, first of all--I LOVE that you let your son keep his own space how he wants it (assuming it's not a total health hazard, haha). I finally let go with the laundry issue and now my sons have their own laundry baskets--they are in charge of washing and drying their laundry, then they have to bring the clean clothes into their bedrooms. Ideally, they'd put them away; but if they want to wear wrinkled clothes out of their hampers to school, that's fine by me! And now they're old enough that they want their privacy anyway. But I think it's awesome that you're letting your son keep his space how he wants it. And you did an AMAZING job cleaning it! I imagine he loved it? The book on his dresser called Farts made me laugh ;) -Katie
My husband and I retired and bought a very small second home in Florida. We are trying to keep costs down and embrace the colorful decorating style. Storage and organization everywhere is a priority as the kitchen is tiny. We were looking for a bar cabinet or something we could convert into one and found this at a consignment shop. I walked by it several times as the store was crowded and the black color just made it disappear.
We removed the smaller 7 bottle holder in the middle section and replaced it with easier to use shelves for 12 bottles. A little time and effort, some 'Florida' color paint and new hardware and the look and function is exactly what we needed.
- Lisa, Florida
Lisa, the new color is STUNNING. I love the shelves that you added in the middle--it looks so much classier! What a great find at the consignment shop. It's perfect for a bar cabinet! And a big congrats on buying the new home in Florida :) - Katie
This is my art area that got way out of control but is much better now. :)
- Rebecca
Rebecca, holy smokes! What an awesome difference. I *love* organizing, so that picture on the left looks like a dream come true for me, hahaha. It looks so great and I'm sure it's a million times easier to find stuff now. (Although, sometimes I know exactly where everything is when it's disorganized and then I have a hard time finding things when I organize it, haha). Anyway, it looks awesome! I'd love to see some of your art, if you'd like to share it :)
Thank you so much once again for sharing your fun transformations! This is the time of year that I get really into organizing; I love cleaning out closets and cabinets. So hopefully I'll have some pics to share once I get some serious work done!
If any of you have a transformation to share, please send a before photo and an after photo to me at: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com, along with your name and a description of your transformation.
Also, I'd love to work on the Reader Email series, so please send me pictures of crafts you've done, thrift items you've found, something unique you own, or any exciting news you want to share or brag about!
Once again, this is going to be a very vulnerable post that I really have to post when I'm feeling brave and mentally stable (not depressed). I wasn't planning to ever write about this so candidly, but recently something happened and I feel compelled to write my thoughts. (This is a SUPER long post, by the way.)
Someone that I am close to (let's call this person "Charlie"--a gender-neutral name--to maintain privacy. I'll also use they/them pronouns for the same reason.) Charlie and I have always been close; we deal with a lot of the same issues surrounding mental health--particularly anxiety.
I've known for a long time that Charlie has had a problem with alcohol, but it wasn't to the point where most people would consider it "rock bottom"--things like DUI's, losing family, losing jobs, losing houses and cars and spending all available money on alcohol.
Charlie likes to drink in certain situations--downing drinks during the days/nights off work. I won't get into those details in order to keep Charlie anonymous. However, Charlie was also able to show some restraint--no drinking on work nights. In this sense, you wouldn't think of Charlie as a Frank Gallagher-type alcoholic (Frank Gallagher is a character on the show Shameless--a stereotypical "drunk"). Charlie is a functioning frequent-binge-drinker whose problem has been getting worse over the years by using alcohol to self-medicate.
(For clarity, "alcoholism" is no longer the preferred label; it is now called "alcohol use disorder"--AUD for short. And it is more of a spectrum--from occasional binge drinking to drinking all day and all night.)
Last week, Charlie shared with close friends and family what was going on and that they'd decided to go to a treatment center for 30 days. I expressed just how proud I was and I REALLY admired their vulnerability in sharing such a personal struggle. I never had the guts to be *that* open and detailed about my relationship with alcohol. It's because of Charlie that I decided to write this post, actually.
On Thursday, Charlie entered detox/rehab in California (far from home). The people who'd learned what was going on were surprised--they didn't realize how bad the drinking problem had gotten (or that it was a problem at all). I talk with Charlie frequently and I felt it was only a matter of time for them to seek help. (I quit drinking in February 2021, but I never pushed them to quit; they knew that alcohol was a problem and I knew that nothing I said was going to push them into quitting. I never judge anyone with an addiction.)
Problem drinking is more of a spectrum than a yes or no whether one has Alcohol Use Disorder. I would be willing to bet that a LOT of people fall into the spectrum and don't really realize it. The DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition) that is used to diagnose mental illnesses considers these symptoms for Alcohol Use Disorder:
For AUD to be diagnosed in the U.S., the individual must meet the criteria laid out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association (APS).
The criteria include having a pattern of consumption that leads to considerable impairment or distress.
At least three of the following criteria should have been present during the past 12 months:
Alcohol tolerance: The person needs a large quantity of alcohol to feel intoxicated. However, when the liver is damaged and cannot metabolize the alcohol so well, this tolerance may drop. Damage to the central nervous system may also reduce tolerance levels.
Withdrawal symptoms: When the individual abstains from alcohol or cuts down, they experience tremors, insomnia, nausea, or anxiety. They may drink more to avoid these symptoms.
Beyond intentions: The person drinks more alcohol, or over a longer period, than they intended.
Unsuccessful attempts to cut down: The person is continuously trying to cut down alcohol consumption but does not succeed. They may have a persistent desire to cut down.
Time consumed: The person spends a lot of time obtaining, using, or recovering from alcohol consumption.
Withdrawal: The individual withdraws from recreational, social, or occupational activities that they previously participated in.
Persistence: The person continues consuming alcohol, even though they know it is harming them physically and psychologically.
I'd written before that I felt the need to quit drinking. However, my life hadn't spiraled out of control from it: I wasn't losing my family or friends; I would never drink and drive; and I never became angry or mean when drinking alcohol. In fact, I was probably more pleasant! However, I knew that it was a problem, especially considering that I used alcohol to alleviate my anxiety (self-medicate). And I definitely downplayed it, including here on my blog.
I really started to worry about it in 2018 and in 2020. (If you may remember, I quit drinking for 2019 as an experiment to see if/how it would change my health/life.) In 2020, I thought maybe I could go back to having a small glass of wine now and then, or even a small glass of wine in the evenings like I did for many years (4-5 ounces of red wine) with no problem whatsoever. Well, that lasted all of a few days. Within a short period of time, it was right back to the 2018 problems with alcohol.
One glass turned into two, and then two into a whole bottle throughout the evening. When one bottle eventually turned into two, I was really concerned. I also hated waking up feeling like crap.
It's extremely common for people with bipolar disorder to have addiction issues--alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, shopping, etc. Personally, alcohol was my way of coping with anxiety. I have generalized anxiety disorder and if you don't know what that feels like, it's horrible. This short video will make you feel the anxiety that people with generalized anxiety disorder feel pretty much all the time...
Hahaha! I laugh, but it's a good example of the knot in your stomach when anxiety takes over. (Which is exactly what is happening to me right now at the thought of actually publishing this post!)
Anyway, alcohol always eased my anxiety (at least temporarily). It made me a funner person, more social, more talkative, and generally happier! (I want to stress that these feelings were temporary; once the alcohol wore off, I felt terrible about myself.)
Luckily, I was able to quit drinking on my own. (I was afraid someone would recognize me if I did something in a group setting.)
I even remember my last time buying alcohol: I went to the party store (which is called a convenience store or liquor store or other things in different areas--in Michigan, a party store is basically a convenience store that sells snacks, alcohol, cigarettes, and a few essential groceries). The owner always kept "my" wine in the back cooler so when I walked into the store, I would head right into the back and get it. On that day--the day before I quit drinking--when I came out of the cooler, there was a man trying to pick out something his girlfriend would like to drink. I asked what kind of things she liked and then suggested a couple of things to him. He got into line to pay and I was in line behind him. He apologized to me and said he thought I worked there which is why he was asking me questions! Hahaha. He, the owner, and I all shared a laugh.
It was funny at the time, but later I realized how sad the whole situation was. Being on a first-name basis with the owner, the fact that he kept my wine in the back cooler for me, the fact that I was able to suggest drinks for someone's girlfriend and he thought I worked there... and I decided to quit. That day was Valentine's Day, so my first day of sobriety was February 15, 2021.
The last time I mentioned being "sober" on my blog, a couple of people commented that I shouldn't use that word because I quit drinking on my own without a support group and because my life hadn't fallen to pieces--a.k.a. "hit rock bottom"--and the comments kind of bothered me. It wasn't easy to quit! It was actually harder to quit drinking than it was to lose 125+ pounds.
When you lose weight, people compliment you and notice as you get smaller. They ask questions about how you're doing and praise you for a "good job". But when you quit drinking--for whatever reason--it's more internal. Once you make that decision, you have to do it without the external motivation. People certainly watch you at get-togethers, maybe to hope to catch you drinking, but nobody says anything about your abstinence in settings that may be triggering.
One thing I discovered that was really important was acknowledging sober milestones. To someone who quits drinking, a simple, "Hey, congrats on 90 days! That must be super challenging for you. I'm proud of you for sticking to it when I am sure it must not be easy," goes a long way.
I was very excited about milestones, but I only celebrated them in my head. Maybe people thought that because my life hadn't fallen to shit before I quit drinking, it didn't mean that much; or that it wasn't hard for me to quit. (I do have a friend who became sober on May 1st and I hope to share his story as he approaches the one-year anniversary. He made sure to text me for my own important milestones and it meant a lot to me! I did the same for him--and still do.)
If there is one piece of advice I can offer to loved ones of those with alcohol use disorder (AUD) who became sober (no matter how they did it) it's this: Acknowledge their efforts, even long after they quit drinking. Something that would go a long way is saying something like, "Hey, I know this must be so hard for you being around all these people who are drinking. I just want to let you know that *I notice* your effort and I am really proud of you." Sober people can make abstinence look really easy! But they may be struggling inside and a little acknowledgment could be just what they need to hear.
When people do something hard--take an important final exam for a class or a job, lose a lot of weight, run a marathon, pay off thousands in debt, etc, they usually get a lot of praise and/or congrats. When someone gets sober, they are much less likely to receive that because they weren't doing something "above and beyond" in life; they were "fixing a problem". I hope this makes sense.
I'm not exactly sure where I fell on the alcohol use disorder spectrum, but I know I was on there somewhere. Once I saw how brave Charlie was by being SO vulnerable--Charlie has terrible anxiety just like me--I started thinking about how maybe I should be more open about it. When my friend who became sober nearly a year ago admitted it to our group of friends, he learned that several other people we know have problems with alcohol as well. It just feels shameful to admit it, so people keep it to themselves. It would be so refreshing if everyone would talk about it!
By his speaking out, and Charlie speaking out, and now *me* speaking out, I'm hoping that others will be less ashamed of admitting it to themselves or others. I think it helps so much to have people around you who know what you're going through and they may be able to relate.
Well! Since Charlie will be in rehab for 30 days, I told Jerry that I'd like to give up something for 30 days in solidarity. My sister decided to do the same. I've chosen to quit snacking after dinner--which is when I tend to consume way too many calories in nuts or nut butter. For at least 30 days, I'll have tea or La Croix after dinner, but no snacks. That's a tough one for me! But when I find it hard, I know that Charlie is probably facing the most difficult challenge of their life. And theirs doesn't stop after 30 days.
Something I told Charlie before they left for rehab made a big impact in their mentality of quitting alcohol. So here is what I said:
When thinking of quitting, the first thing our minds go to is "forever". Rather than thinking of the good things that are bound to happen, we think of forever--we can never sit around a campfire and drink beer with friends; we can never get together for wine with our girlfriends; we can never have margaritas for a fun Cinco de Mayo party; we can never share a bottle of wine with our partner during a romantic dinner date; and so on. That's when a lot of people dismiss the idea of quitting drinking.
I told Charlie that those thoughts are "romanticizing" drinking alcohol. We romanticize those ideas in our minds and all we can focus on is that we can never do them again. I said that we shouldn't focus on "forever" and what we can "never do again"--we need to stop romanticizing the drinking because how often do those situations actually give you those feelings you imagine? And it's not that we can never do them again--it's just that we have to adapt to doing them without alcohol.
A lot of people quit before they even start simply because they think of all the things they can never do again. But since I quit drinking, I've done several things where I normally would have had drinks: sitting around a campfire, flying on an airplane (flying sober was terrifying), parties/get-togethers, dealing with stress after a long/exhausting day, etc.
This photo below was shortly after I got off of my first sober flight. (This was in 2019 when I quit drinking for a year; I haven't flown anywhere since!) Flying is a huge trigger for me because I have SO MUCH ANXIETY around it, and alcohol calmed my nerves. I "celebrated" by getting some overpriced frou-frou coffee drink from Starbucks. I just remember feeling so relaxed and GOOD in this photo. I took the selfie to capture that moment.
My dad had a drinking problem (I was too young to really remember) but he went to rehab and got sober when he was about my age. And he hasn't had a drink in over 40 years! There are a couple of other important people in my life that I really hope will make the decision to quit drinking someday soon--I really worry about them.
If I wasn't sober, I'd think I was drunk while writing this post because I feel like I'm totally spilling my guts here and it's something that I feel like I will be very judged for! But Charlie's honesty really inspired me. And if I'm judged harshly, so what? I am continually growing and learning and changing to hopefully be a better version of myself. :)
A quick explanation of this series of posts: I started eating a vegan diet in January 2022 and instead of preparing the recipes from my heritage cookbooks like I did in 2021, I decided to try out some vegan recipes and write about them (honest reviews). Readers may suggest them to me or I may find them online, but I basically just pick a recipe that sounds good and I cook it (without alterations or substitutions) and write a simple review. I ask the opinions from my family as well (who are not vegan).
Anyway, this week I chose Red Lentil Dahl. I love lentils and after I made a Lentil Bolognese last week that I didn't care for, I was hoping for a better outcome with this recipe. I like trying different ethnic foods, but I had never tried a recipe for dahl (or spelled dal, daal, dhal) but I see tons of recipes on Pinterest for various versions. I found a good explanation of dahl on Taste Cooking:
"What’s up with dal? A good question. In India, the term (also spelled daal, dhal, and dahl) refers to pulses (dried legumes that include beans, lentils, and peas) and is also used to refer to a stew made of said legumes. It can get a little confusing, but trust me: The confusion is worth it.
For centuries, dal has been an essential part of India’s rich culinary tradition, served at just about every meal. It’s nourishing, inexpensive, healthy, protein-rich, and, most important, harmoniously balanced when infused with herbs and spices." (source)
Since I love lentils and peas (I eat a lot of beans, too) I was surprised I've never actually tried a dahl recipe before. The spices in this particular recipe sounded good to me and I actually had all of the ingredients on hand. I "warned" the family that I was making a vegan dinner (hahaha!) and prepped the ingredients that I could do ahead of time.
Tip: In the mornings after preparing breakfast and my cold oats for lunch, I take an extra few minutes to mix together spices or sauces for that night's dinner--that way, when it's time to cook, I already have the spices mixed or the sauce ready to pour into the pan so I don't have to pull out all the little jars of spices and seasonings. I just use mason jars to throw the ingredients into and then I shake it up. Here is my spice mix for this recipe:
Anyway, this recipe is super straight-forward with no "weird" ingredients. I know I mention this frequently on these vegan recipe posts, but I (at least right now) prefer to use ingredients I'm familiar with. Someday maybe I'll experiment with making things like "cheese" out of cashews (?!).
This recipe involves red lentils, carrots (or sub with sweet potato, which is what I decided to do because I don't love carrots), bell pepper, onion, garlic, ginger, vegetable broth, canned coconut milk, cumin, curry powder, sweetener of choice (I ran out of maple syrup, so I just used regular sugar), turmeric, paprika, and crushed red pepper. (For the actual recipe and measurements, check out the recipe post at Ela Vegan. I'll link to it again at the end of the post.)
I was surprised how much carrot was called for in the recipe (it said one large--200 gram--carrot). I had a lot of baby carrots but definitely not 200 grams. I had a large sweet potato so I used that instead--half of the sweet potato was 200 grams. Then I diced it very small:
You can see the other half of the sweet potato in the background; it was pretty big!
This morning, I mixed all the spices together in a small mason jar and gathered the other ingredients to set on the counter for when I was ready to cook. I am MUCH more likely to cook if I have things prepped already.
The blob of brown stuff with the lentils is just the vegetable broth base that I mix with water. I don't mix it directly into the water so that I can save having to wash a dish ;) (The measuring cup that the water was in)
Then you serve it with basmati rice, potatoes, or naan (flatbread). I adore basmati rice and I haven't had it in a long time, so I chose to serve it with that. And then if the kids didn't like the dahl, they could just eat plain rice for dinner ;)
(My kids teenagers are picky and if something even *sounds* unusual to them, they immediately think they won't like it. So when I say they like something, it's a big deal! Jerry, on the other hand, is happy to try anything and even if it's not his favorite, he never complains about it. When I ask for his opinion on these new recipes, though, he knows I want an honest response.)
The spices smelled so good while it was cooking! I felt like there was a LOT of water when I first poured everything into the pot:
I set the timer for 10 minutes and when I went back, I was shocked that there was no water left and if I left it any longer, I'm sure it would have burned to the bottom of the pot.
But 10 minutes was perfect. After adding the coconut milk, the consistency was exactly what I imagined. Looking at the pics from the original recipe makes me think that it is supposed to be a little thinner? But I felt like this consistency was right on for serving over rice. (No, it doesn't look appetizing here...)
I put one cup of basmati rice and one cup of the dahl in my bowl and it was the perfect size.
It made six servings that ended up being one cup each.
I have to say, using the sweet potato instead of carrots was absolutely the right call! The sweet potatoes added an amazing flavor.
The overall thoughts about the taste? Jerry and I loved it! We both agreed it's a recipe we should add to the dinner rotation, especially considering it's so quick and easy. As far as the kids, well, it's not at all what I expected. Eli wasn't enthusiastic about trying it, but he said it was good and he was going to eat a bowl after he goes fishing. I kept telling him that it's important to tell me what he REALLY thinks and he insisted that he really likes it. And for Noah, who is not a fan of spices like cumin and paprika, said "It's just okay." And he chose not to eat it.
I swear, my kids weren't picky at ALL when they were little! But there is still hope; there are foods that I love now and I didn't eat when I was younger. Bell peppers are one of my very favorite vegetables, but I really disliked them until I was pregnant with Eli and I started craving them all the time! So weird how our tastes change.
Anyway, this recipe was fantastic! If ELI liked it, then you know it's got to be good. Definitely give it a try (whether you're vegan or not). It's always fun to try new things :)
Like last week, I forgot about trying out a new recipe to post about today. So, I'll do that tomorrow.
If you missed Wednesday's weigh-in post, it was not a good week as far as the scale goes. I had gained nearly five pounds, bringing my weight up to 154.6. Considering I gained that much so quickly, I knew most of it was water weight, but it was discouraging to see that.
Knowing that my DietBet weigh-in for April 1st had to be 150.3 or lower, I realized there was pretty much no way that I would hit my goal.
If you're not familiar with DietBet: You basically make a bet on yourself that you'll lose X amount of weight in a particular amount of time. There are 4-week bets that are usually $35-100 to lose 4% of your body weight, and there are 6-month bets that are $175 (or an option to pay $35 monthly). I won't get into the math here, but you place a bet that you'll lose the weight and then if you do, you split the pot with everyone that met their goal. You are guaranteed to win your entire bet back if you meet your goal. (DietBet takes a large cut of the pot before paying out, so your winnings aren't as much as you might think in the beginning.)
I've said before that I'm not a big fan of DietBet in general for a few reasons--mainly that they take a HUGE portion of the pot--but I've been using the site since last May when I started losing weight. The monthly "official" weigh-ins have helped me. (You have to take photos to prove your weight.) I'm currently in the middle of a 6-month bet that started on January 1st. I have to weigh in at a particular goal on the first or second of each month in order to win. The final goal is to have lost 10% in 6 months.
Anyway, my official starting weight for DietBet was 163.4 pounds. (Keep in mind that I wear light clothes for the weigh in photos, so the official weight is slightly over my usual naked weight in the mornings.) I hit my February and March goals, and until my weight gain last week, I was on target for my April goal. DietBet gives you until midnight PST on the 2nd of the month to do an official weigh-in.
Jerry did his weigh-in yesterday and hit his goal with a little room to spare. Last month, he had to work HARD to drop the weight within a week's time because he slacked off the first three weeks. I told him to make sure he doesn't wait until the last minute to lose the weight again. Well, that came back to bite me this month, because I was in that same situation.
Weighing in at 154.6 (154.2, really, but holding my phone for a picture adds 0.4 to my weight--this is relevant, I'll get to that soon) on Wednesday, I wasn't even sure if I should try to hit the DietBet goal or not. Getting down to 150.3 (with clothes and holding my phone), I would have to be just under 150 or so--naked--at the most for my weigh-in. That's a five-pound drop. Highly unlikely!
On the 31st, I was at 153.6. Yesterday, I was again at 153.6. I was super bummed that I was going to lose this month's bet--not just because of the money, but because I was under that goal just a week ago.
I ended up deciding on a Hail Mary effort--drinking lots of water and fasting all day yesterday. I was so sure it was impossible that I had a hard time deciding if it was worth it.
This morning, no matter what the scale said, I planned to eat like normal. I wasn't going to try to fast all day and weigh in tonight. Anyway, I got up at 3:30 (yes, my wake-up time seems to be getting earlier and earlier) and stripped down and hopped on the scale. I was at 151.4. Naked. I put my pajamas back on and did the Wordle for today and read my book for a little bit. Was able to pee just a little before trying the scale again.
(Yes, I realize how stupid this whole scenario is! It reminds me of the days at Weight Watchers when I'd see women remove all of their jewelry, shoes, belts, anything they possibly could before stepping on the scale.)
I put on the absolute lightest clothes in my closet (a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top--no bra or underwear, hahaha) and tried again. It was 150.2! I was under the goal by just 0.1. HOWEVER... when I pick up my phone to take a picture of the scale, it adds 0.4. So, I needed to get my clothed-weight down to 149.8.
By this time, it's 5:00-ish AM and I just went about my usual morning routine feeding the pets, hoping I'd be able to pee once more.
And it worked!! I was able to weigh in at an official 150.0--0.3 pounds below the goal. I couldn't believe it.
This is another reason that I have reservations about DietBet, though. It's super common for people to drop as much water weight as possible just before weigh-in. If I hadn't been at goal just a week ago, I wouldn't have even attempted it. But since I knew most of the gain last week was water weight, I figured I could try it and see what happened.
Next month's goal is 148.7, and I know I can do that. I feel really motivated having lost the weight I gained last week. I'm expecting it to be back up a little tomorrow now that I've eaten, but I don't feel the pressure anymore. At this point, I feel like it would be nice to lose half a pound a week!
I've never had a DietBet weigh-in that was such a close call; usually I have at least a couple of pounds of leeway. I definitely don't want to let that happen again. I'm going to work hard on consistency this month; March was all over the place as far as my eating habits go. One of the benefits of the last few days is that I got in the habit of drinking a ton of water again!
Here is today's random fact of the day:
I think this is so cool! A quick Google search brought me to this:
"Back in 1964, The Beatles made a career-defining decision to aid fighting racial segregation in the United States by refusing to play a concert at the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville, Florida.
The gig in question had been segregated without the bands’ knowledge. Upon discovering that the racial segregation was taking place, The Beatles threatened to cancel the performance." (source)
Happy Friday--and April Fools' Day! I probably share the same April Fools' Day story every year, but I still laugh about it and can't help it...
My sister, Jeanie, always liked April Fools' Day when we were kids; and when my kids were little, she thought it was fun to teach them little pranks they could pull on Jerry and me (harmless things like replacing the cream in an Oreo with toothpaste). She would usually call the kids on March 31 and remind them that it was April Fools' Day the following day.
I didn't know about this prank until after it happened... Eli was in preschool (four years old) and the class went into the cafeteria for lunch. The teacher (bless her heart!) had the kids form a line to get their food. While in line, Eli just dropped to the ground--totally limp and unresponsive. His teacher, feeling panicked, rushed over to him and kept asking if he was okay. Eli remained unresponsive. Just as she was going into full-on panic mode, Eli popped open his eyes and said, "April Fools'!"
His poor teacher was NOT amused and she explained the prank to me when I picked him up. Of course I talked to him about appropriate jokes to play, but I couldn't help laughing at his cleverness. When we played hide-and-seek at home, Eli would get way too excited while hiding and shout out, "I'm right here!" so I wondered how on earth he managed to keep a straight face like he did with his teacher. Hahaha, I have no idea where he got the idea to play the prank he did, but I love to remind him of it every year.
Anyway, here are some photos for Friday night :)
Phoebe looked SO sweet here I had to take a picture. Her favorite place to sleep is right in front of the vents because she loves the warm heat coming through. She's such a tiny cat--she only weighs 6 pounds while each of the "kittens" weighs over 12 pounds! (And yes, we still have the heat turned on, unfortunately; we actually have snow flurries happening at the moment.)
Speaking of the kittens, they are still obsessed with that dumb little tent thing I bought at the thrift store! It's so funny; I buy them fun new toys that they play with for a couple of days and then lose interest (there are a couple they still love, but most of them just collect dust). Jerry even gave me "the look" at the thrift store when I said we should get it--he *knew* they wouldn't play with it. Well, it's literally their favorite form of entertainment right now and has been for the last couple of weeks! Here is a short video clip of how they play in it (Chick is inside and Duck is on the outside).
The play so hard with the thing that it ends up rolling around the house--with or without a cat inside. When Duck was tired out, he decided to hang out inside of an Amazon box while Chick took a nap in the tent. I love how you can see Duck in the background of this picture.
Luke and Riley stayed the night at my parents' house last weekend and I brought over Luke's birthday gift. I got him a nutcracker and a bag of walnuts, hahaha. Odd gift for a five-year old, but he loves to crack walnuts when he comes over and he's mentioned a few times that he'd like to have his own nutcracker and walnuts someday.
I think I posted a photo of this mermaid tail sleep sack thing that I bought at the thrift store for Riley. I washed it, of course, and then gave it to her when Luke got his gift. She looked adorable in there! And she loved it.
When I babysat them at their house recently and I braided Riley's hair, I looked everywhere for a barrette to hold her hair out of her face. Becky always does Riley's hair super cute, but Riley said she didn't know what a barrette was. So I bought a pack of these simple ones. She wanted to put all of the colors in at once (as I'm sure all three year olds would want) so I lined both sides of her head with them. (Clearly I took this picture after she rolled around in the sleeping bag.)
Remember the jeans I said I just *had* to buy at the thrift store even though I knew they'd be too big? I had been planning to put darts in the back of the waist to take the waist in, but it's a LOT of work and it's very tedious in order to make it look natural. I watched some YouTube videos for alternative ways to take in the waist of jeans and some suggested using elastic inside of the waistband (which didn't make sense to me because I didn't want the waist to look gathered). However, it seemed like a much easier solution, so I tried it--and it's amazing! While they're lying on the ground here you can see that the waist looks gathered, but once I put them on, they look flat--and they actually stay up without a tight belt!
I also altered the bottom hem. The jeans were too long, so I let out the original hem (just because I like how it looks) and then I shortened the length just above the original hem. So I was able to cut a couple of inches out of the length of the jeans and now they fit great :)
Below is a thrift store find as well. I went to Salvation Army a few days ago because I was desperate for a couple of pairs of running capris. I haven't had luck finding any. While I was there, I noticed this pair of Lululemon pants--for $1! They are in perfect condition. I had no idea if they'd fit, but I figured that I could at least resell them for a profit if not. They actually fit really well and are super comfy. Out of curiosity, I looked them up on the Lululemon website and they are $118 new. Crazy, right?!
Oh! And the white streak on my mirror in front of my shirt? Well, it's not actually on my mirror. After I took the picture and was changing my clothes, I realized that I'd dribbled toothpaste down the front of my shirt when I was brushing my teeth, haha. I always try to multitask while brushing my teeth and it ends like this sometimes.
This meme could not be any more true!
This one made me laugh, too. When Jerry and I start a new season of a show, I feel like I've never seen the show before and he spends 30 minutes explaining it all to me. I prefer to watch shows that are done and over with so I don't have to try to remember everything!
And I'll end with the last couple of facts of the day. I wanted to include yesterday's because I find it so interesting! I think a lot of libraries are underutilized. I live in such a small town that I'd never heard of or imagined that libraries like this Sacramento one exist. Have any of you ever used "The Library of Things" to check out something other than books? That would be a fun way to try out different hobbies.
