My COVID DIY Garage Makeover (Part 2- The Reveal)

I am SO happy to be done working on the garage! Now I can start working IN the garage :)

Noah had friends over yesterday, and he wanted to hang out in the "man cave" in the garage, so I definitely felt the pressure to get all the last touches completed. There are still a couple of minor things that I need to do (touch up paint, add a latch to the flood vent covers, attach heater to ceiling), but yesterday I was all about cleaning up the mess and putting everything into place.

I obviously didn't do anything to the floor. There are spots of drywall compound that I scraped off, but that can be wiped away with water. For the "man cave" section, I just threw down some leftover carpet we'd had from the bedrooms. It doesn't cover the whole section, but it helps a little.

I didn't want to buy new furniture or anything, so we still have the old hand-me down stuff. I painted the futon frame and the coffee table, and I am going to make a cover for the futon mattress using some canvas fabric I have. I did buy a mini-fridge for Jerry as an early birthday present, so we got rid of the big one. 

Anyway, here is my list of projects to get from "before" to "after":

• install insulation and soffit vents
• hang drywall on walls and ceiling
• tape, mud, and sand the drywall joints
• prime and paint the walls and ceiling
• paint the concrete foundation wall
• add trim to cover the sill on top of the foundation wall
• frame the windows, add trim, and paint
• install shades on windows
• install ceiling fan over "man cave"
• paint coffee table and futon frame
• build and paint shelving across one wall
• make covers for the flood vents (I also made a framed screen to go behind the covers)

I'm probably forgetting something, but that's what I can think of off the top of my head. It was so much more work than I had originally imagined, but as I saw what a difference each project made, I just wanted to keep improving things. I love DIY, so I really enjoyed working on this. And the "after" is so worth it!

Total cost from start to finish: roughly $2,000. (The biggest expenses were the drywall and insulation--$1500--and the paint--$250). I used up a lot of scrap wood that I had from previous projects!

And here are the before and after photos... the best part :) I tried to get them from the same angles where I could.

And there it is! I'm super proud of having done all of the work myself. Jerry kept asking if I wanted help, but I insisted that I wanted to do it all. I did need help lifting the ceiling drywall onto the drywall lift, so Jerry and/or the kids would help me do that. Drywall is SO heavy!

My favorite part is the man-cave, of course ;)

My brother gave me a heater and prepared the electrical work on the ceiling to hang it. So, this winter, I'll be able to work on projects out there without freezing to death.

After a little break from the DIY, I'm going to finish my brother's ceiling. And then I'm not sure what my next project will be!

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My COVID DIY Garage Makeover (Part 1)

(I'm doing this in two parts because it's going to be long... but I finally finished the garage and I'm excited to post the before and after photos!)

Jerry always wanted a garage. When we first got our house (we bought a piece of property and had a manufactured home--a.k.a. trailer, double-wide, call it what you'd like! etc--put on it) we planned for it to be a temporary home. A couple of years, max.

We put it up for sale in 2005 (we bought it in 2003) but shortly afterward, I found out I was pregnant with Eli. I just didn't feel like it was a good time to sell our home, so we decided to stay here. And eventually, I kind of fell in love with it. Not the home itself, but the property. I love where we live! And Jerry and I slowly made the decision over the years that we'd like it to be permanent. 

Look at this view! This is what we see from our front yard in the fall:

We live across the street from a marsh (state land). I love that we can walk Joey on a trail back there and we see lots of wildlife. The fact that our home was a "starter home" didn't matter anymore. We really liked it.

We didn't own the lot next door to us, however, and it went up for auction in 2008-ish? We ended up buying it for $2,500 from the bank. It was kind of sickening because we'd spent $25,000 on our lot (both were listed for the same price in 2003). The housing market crashed right after we bought ours, so we were just shit-outta-luck. But being able to buy the lot next door was exciting for us!

I wanted Jerry to have his garage, and since we had the property for it, we had that built in 2014. I literally had nothing to do with it--I didn't care for a garage, didn't have a need for one, and just let Jerry do his thing. My ONLY input was that since he wanted a three-car garage, we should put a single car door at the rear of the garage (with a two-car door in front).

I can remember when I was a kid and we had thunderstorms, my dad would open the garage door and we'd sit on lawn chairs just inside the garage to watch the storms. When Jerry was figuring out the plans for our garage, that's what I had in mind for the single-car door.

Fast-forward six years, and we had a three-car garage filled with random STUFF, including an enormous zero-turn lawn mower to take up the entire back door. (The lawn mower was kind of inherited from a family friend--they are crazy-expensive to buy, otherwise we wouldn't have it.)

The garage wasn't finished inside--meaning you could see all the studs and joists--and I never thought much about it. Until I got into woodworking.

I started remodeling our house in August 2018, and somewhere along the way, I discovered that I loved power tools and building things. Since then, Lowe's has become my home away from home and I spend way too much time working in the garage. (It's become my "happy place". And if I won the lottery, I'd likely spend all my money at Lowe's!)

When I was trying to do things in the garage in the winter, it was super challenging. My hands were frozen and paint wouldn't dry and it just wasn't "fun" to work on projects. I decided that I wanted to insulate and drywall the garage, even if I did it over a long period of time (buying a little insulation and a couple sheets of drywall here and there).

Then COVID happened, and I had a lot of spare time on my hands. Jerry was still working (thank God he didn't lose his job) so we had extra money. The kids' schools were canceled for the rest of the school year and my brother didn't want me to continue working on his ceiling at the time (I had been removing his popcorn ceiling, and when COVID became an issue, I stayed home. As of now, I still have to go over there to sand and paint the ceiling!)

Since I was going to be home for a while, I decided I was going to make the garage my "quarantine project"--installing soffit vents, insulation on the walls and ceiling, and finally, drywall. (Including finishing the drywall with tape and mud, sanding, priming, and painting.)

I had done a lot of taping and mudding of the drywall in the house, I didn't think doing the garage would be a huge deal. And I was insistent that I wanted this to be MY project--no help from anybody else! I started spending the majority of my time out in the garage, working and listening to podcasts. I loved it.

My first big delivery from Lowe's--the insulation and drywall:

It was much harder (more work) than I expected it to be, but so satisfying! I loved seeing the progress as I moved along. I got to use some new tools (I always borrow stuff from my brother--but then I end up buying my own because I like using it so much.) And I learned more about electrical work (my brother worked for an electrician for several years and helped me through a lot of stuff).

When we first built the garage, Jerry wanted a "man cave". The kids loved that idea--a place to hang out with friends--so we made a little corner of the garage the designated space to chill. We put some hand-me-down furniture out there along with an old TV, and that became the "man cave". 

The only time I really sat out there was Halloween night, because I'd watch a scary movie and hand out candy. Occasionally, we'd have friends over and spend time out there, but mostly the garage was just for storage.

Halloween, 2015 (watching Scream). I only got about five(?) trick-or-treaters! 

As a female, I probably turned the "man cave" into something a little nicer than Jerry was thinking, but I couldn't help it. I finished the windows and casings and I painted everything--it looks SO much better. And honestly, the kids are very excited about it. Noah invited a couple of friends to come over today, and he planned to hang out in the garage.

So, I made the garage my main focus today, and I spent nearly seven hours putting things into place, cleaning and dusting. There are still just a couple of tiny things I want to do, but for the most part, the she-shed garage/man cave is done.

I took a trillion pictures today to set up against "before" photos, but I still have to sort through those. So I'll post them in a "Part 2" tomorrow... sorry! I just felt like I should explain our garage situation before jumping into the remodel. To be continued... :)

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Feeling Old

I never used to think about getting old or worry about what I would look like as I got older. Until a couple of years ago, I used to think I looked relatively young for my age (or at least not *older than* my age).

I had a very hard time turning 30, but after that hump, I didn't worry too much about the number. I didn't freak out over getting some gray hairs. I think wrinkles in the right places can actually be cute! (I love "crows feet" that crinkle when people smile). 

Several months ago, someone said something that felt like a punch in the stomach and really made me question all of that again. And I hate that I let it bother me! I'm used to people talking about my weight--it's super public and I have no problem discussing it (obviously). But my age?

I'm 38. Jerry will be 40 in a couple of weeks.

I'd gone with Jerry to his appointment with the gastroenterologist about his stomach issues, and they ordered lab work. We went right from his appointment to the lab. We walked into the lobby, and Jerry brought his script up to the counter while I sat down in the waiting area. Jerry handed over his ID and insurance card, and the woman who took them exclaimed that she would never have guessed he was in his late thirties...

"I thought that was your mom with you!"

My mouth literally gaped open. The other receptionist immediately tried to explain "he just looked so young--not that you looked old". I couldn't even laugh about it. She thought I was his MOM?

Suddenly, every hair on my head was gray, and every wrinkle on my face was as deep as the Grand Canyon. I was a little old lady with a walker and bifocals, drinking prune juice and calling the receptionists "honey" in a thin, wavering voice. I was ancient. At Death's door. God's waiting room. Bill Knapps, for Chrissake! (And saying words like "Chrissake")

I write this tongue-in-cheek, of course. (The Bill Knapps reference is something that my friend Sarah and I used to laugh about in college--she worked at Bill Knapps and would talk about how most people who dined there were probably in their 80's.) But I'd never felt self-conscious about my age until that one comment threw me for a loop. One that is still circling. 

All of the signs of aging suddenly started to hit me. I hadn't thought about it until it was brought to my attention via a very nice receptionist who was not trying to be rude, but happened to blurt out the wrong thing to an insecure person.

Lately, I've been very conscious of my skin.

The sun is not good to my skin. For as long as I can remember, I've had vitiligo (a skin condition that causes white patches to form because the skin in those areas loses pigment). People tend to think of Michael Jackson when they hear about vitiligo--I do believe he had it as he claimed, but I think he probably had some sort of treatment to lighten the rest of his skin to "match" the vitiligo patches.

Anyways, I have patches here and there, which are easily hidden, but I also have it on my face (not so hidden). It honestly never really bothered me until a year or so ago when I noticed that I was also getting darker pigmentation in areas of my face, too (melasma, I believe, but I haven't been diagnosed with anything). Melasma is basically the opposite of vitiligo. I guess they are fighting for territory on my face?!

The vitiligo is most pronounced around my eyes, particularly my left eye (it almost looks like white eyeshadow). Ever since I started walking twice a day outside, the dark spots are getting darker which makes the vitiligo stand out even more. I really hate that the skin on my upper lip has darkened--it looks like I have a mustache!

I don't like to wear make-up, and I rarely do. But maybe if I did, people wouldn't think I was old enough to have a 39-year old son!

Whenever I go outside, I wear SPF 110 and a visor to shield my face. I always wear the sunscreen, even if it's cloudy outside or early morning when the sun is barely up. I hoped that by keeping my face protected from the sun, the dark spots wouldn't get darker. However, it just keeps getting worse, and each time I see my face in the mirror or pictures, I feel self-conscious of it.

Anyway, I know a lot of this is mental (ridiculous that I let one woman's comment trigger this consciousness of aging) but I really am concerned about my skin. Do any of you have melasma and/or vitiligo? I don't mind the vitiligo very much, because my skin is (usually) very light and you can't see the vitiligo patches very well. But this melasma (or whatever is making the skin on my face darken) is driving me crazy because it seems to get worse by the day.

I'm just curious if any of you experience it and if you have any advice--I'd love to hear/read! (I don't take birth control pills, which that is known as a trigger for melasma, so it's not related to that.)

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Day 37 (and a recap)

I'm not even sure what to call this challenge that I'm doing anymore--I wrote previously about not calling it "75 Hard" because of a discrepancy about the "diet" rule (that post explains it better). I'm trying to keep this whole challenge simple and enjoyable, so I've just been continuing what I'd been doing all along.

I still want to build discipline, though, so I need a time frame/goal to work toward. So, I'm going to extend the challenge to 90 days total, and I'm not going to start over from Day 1 if I break any of the "rules". Right now, it's just become more of a personal goal rather than a challenge--in my mind, those are different. And that's hard to explain!

Anyway, this week has gone really well. After writing about breaking one of the rules and having to start over from Day 1, I just got right back on track. I think that shows a LOT of discipline (for me) because I didn't let one day turn to two, and then a week, and then just quitting altogether.

Going forward, today marks 37 days since I started "75 Hard". So, I'm counting this as Day 37 of 90. I'm sure I've made this super confusing, but I'm really just trying to keep it simple without "start overs" and questioning myself if I'm following the original rules accurately enough.

So, today is Day 37 of 90 and these are MY goals for it:

• Build discipline to stick with something all the way through
• Gain self-confidence
• Feel in control
• Develop good habits/eliminate bad habits
• Feel healthier/hopefully lose some weight

And these are the original "rules" that I'd been following (and am continuing with)...

1. Follow a diet of choice (I'm doing intermittent fasting with a 20:4 ratio of fasting to eating. I eat whatever I'm in the mood for, but basically I've been making a filling high-calorie dinner and then having either a dessert or snack if I'm still hungry.)

2. Work out 45 minutes twice a day--at least one has to be outside. (I've been walking for most of the workouts, but I occasionally ride my bike. I've done a few treadmill walks, but almost all of them have been outside.)

3. Take a progress photo every day. (I take a full-length mirror selfie every morning before my walk.)

4. Drink a gallon of water every day.

5. Read 10 pages of an inspirational book.

To sum everything up to Day 37 so far:

Follow a diet of choice

The longer I do intermittent fasting, the more I enjoy it. I stay very busy during the day and then eat dinner at about 4:00. I eat enough in my window that I don't feel hungry for the rest of the night. It feels good to eat until I literally don't want any more. I even skip out on dessert or a snack sometimes because I'm comfortably full and just don't want it. I've also been eating healthier meals--since I'm condensing my food intake to four hours, I want to make the food worth it.

Work out 45 minutes twice a day

Lots and lots of walking. This has become complete habit to me by now (the morning walk has, anyway). Joey loves this new habit because I take him with me and he gets so excited when he hears that I'm awake and getting dressed. Even if I wanted to quit my morning walks, I would feel way too bad for Joey!

I actually really enjoy the walking, which has been the biggest surprise to me. Exercise had always felt like a chore--something I did but never looked forward to. Now, I genuinely like listening to an audiobook while walking the peninsula. When I walk, I don't have pace or time goals or anything like that. If I feel like walking slowly, I do; if I feel like pushing it a bit, then I do that, too.

I was kind of surprised when I tallied up the totals today. In 35 days, I walked nearly 165 miles (I'll include this week's totals next week) and I biked 57 miles. I like to keep track of the numbers below because I'm curious if my heart rate will get lower as I exercise more. I'm not doing MAF training (my heart rate is always below MAF when I walk) but I'm still interested to see if all the walking/biking has an effect.

Take a progress photo every day

This has become a habit, too--as soon as I wake up, I get dressed for my walk and while I'm in the bathroom pulling my hair back and brushing my teeth, I take a selfie in the mirror right before I leave. I am SO glad that I have been doing the progress photos. I was bummed that I wasn't losing weight, but when I looked through my progress pictures, I could see a big difference--even from week to week.

Here is a comparison of Day 1 versus today, Day 37:

And here, just for the sake of comparing with the same shirt, is Day 8 versus 37:

Here is a post where I shared some comparisons after four weeks on plan.

Drink a gallon of water every day

Nothing much to say about this. I've done it every day for 37 days now.  The exercise helps me get in the water--I feel dehydrated after going out in the heat and walking for 45 minutes. I hate feeling puffy from dehydration, and that's actually what pushes me to get in enough water.

Read 10 pages of an inspirational book

I'm almost done with David Goggins' book "Can't Hurt Me" (Amazon affiliate link). I've only been reading 10 pages a day--I read really slowly, so it takes me a while. This book is fascinating, though--Goggins' discipline is absolutely crazy. He makes zero excuses for anything at all.

I recommended it to my brother, Nathan, because I thought it sounded like something he'd like. He liked it so much that he bought the audiobook, too, in order to listen during his commute. He said the audiobook has more than the written book--interviews and things between chapters.

I'm not sure what my next book will be. I should probably figure that out!

Needless to say, I'm very happy with how I've been doing on this challenge. I'm feeling good enough about it to extend it to 90 days and I'm actually enjoying the new habits :)

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Chillin'

Jerry is off work today and I feel like I haven't spent time with him in such a long time! He's been working so much lately. So, we are going to watch a movie ('Shooter')--yes, that is pretty much all we do for fun, hahaha. We've seen 'Shooter' before, but something brought it up earlier and we decided we wanted to watch it tonight. 

He made hamburgers for dinner on his new grill (I bought him a grill for our anniversary--he's been wanting one for a while!) and then we immediately got in our pajamas for a relaxing evening at home.

So anyways, I'll just leave you with a couple of pictures of Duck in the strangest of "chillin'" positions. It's so funny to see a cat sit this way! He does it all the time.

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A Couple of Relatable Mental Illness Documentaries

So last night, I finished watching the documentary "Overcoming Depression: Mind Over Marathon" on Amazon Prime. It's a two-part series about 10 people (in England) who have various mental illnesses--anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD--and they train together to run a marathon. 

They are guided by a therapist, running coaches (not the hardcore type of trainers you see on weight loss shows making them work out for eight hours a day--just "regular" coaches who help them train), and a nutritionist.

I really liked the first episode, which introduced them and their stories. One woman, in particular, really had a heartbreaking story and I just wanted to hug her. She had a very young son (I don't remember his age, but he was crawling). He got sick and died very very quickly. It didn't go into the details of how he died, but it was too late to save him before he even reached the hospital by ambulance.

The woman's husband was so distraught by the tragedy that he took his own life just four days later, leaving her with their remaining children. Even though all of the medical personnel agreed that there was nothing more she could have done for her son, she blamed herself and became very depressed.

She still had to take care of her other kids, so she was just doing everything on autopilot. While speaking to the therapist, she broke down and started crying, then apologized for it and said she "never" loses her composure like that. I felt so bad that she was carrying that burden around all the time. As a parent, I can absolutely understand that feeling of blaming yourself for something happening to your child--even if it's not your fault. (Not saying that I know her pain, because losing a child must be unimaginably horrific; but I can understand the feeling of blaming yourself.)

Anyway, this documentary wasn't a "I have depression, and now I'm going to do everything the trainer tells me and I'm going to feel so much better and run a marathon and life is great!" (Actually, that sounds like my bipolar self, hahaha). I liked that their journeys were real and relatable (as someone with mental illness). 

There was one man who ultimately decided not to train for the marathon because of his anxiety, but he did manage to get on a train to go cheer the others on (going on a train was a huge deal for him--his anxiety over it was terrible). 

It's SO hard to describe to someone what mental illness feels like. Anxiety is a horrible feeling to live with, especially when it's generalized anxiety and there is no "reason" for it. It's just there. Listening to the people on the documentary describe their feelings was so interesting because they put into words things that I feel and it helps me to know that there are other people who "get it".

One thing that I really loved about this documentary is that it wasn't totally focused on this one end goal of running a marathon. Yes, that was the plan, but the main focus was using running to help fight mental illness. When I exercise regularly, it definitely helps with my anxiety. When I am going through a depressive episode, however, the depression makes it extremely difficult to exercise. 

I won't spoil the ending about who completes the marathon and all that. I wouldn't say that the film was amazing and fantastic and go watch it right now, but it was refreshing--refreshing to have real people share about their mental illnesses on camera and working on a real-life goal.

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After watching "Overcoming Depression", Amazon Prime suggested a documentary to me called "Of Two Minds" and it's all about bipolar disorder. It it's a feature length doc where people with bipolar disorder describe their experiences and how bipolar affects their lives.

I really liked this doc! Again, I love that people put into words the way that I feel and have a hard time describing. 

It's a film that I think people with bipolar would enjoy, but more so, a film that people with bipolar would like their friends and/or family to watch so that they can understand the disorder, too.

Of Two Minds was also great because it showed the humor that many of us can find in mental illness. I know it sounds so weird, but I do find humor in the quirks I have, and my "craziness". I don't want people tip-toeing around it--call me crazy! It's okay. I am totally crazy sometimes. 

If I'm watching a movie with the family and someone does something "crazy" that sounds like something I'd do, I'll say, "ME!" and then Jerry and the kids laugh because they know it's true. I LOVE funny memes about mental illness--it actually makes me feel better to see them because I know that others have a lot of the "quirks" that I do! (Here is a post of 100 of my favorite memes about mental illness).

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Anyway, those are two documentaries I've watched over the last couple of days. I love documentaries, and seeing these ones that I could relate to so much was great!

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Choose Your Own Hard

Shortly after I started 75 Hard, Adam and I got in a discussion about what the "rule" was on the diet part of the 75 Hard challenge. He said that we weren't allowed to have junk food/dessert/etc., where I believed that we could follow our own plan based on our goals (whether it was weight loss, muscle gain, etc.).

We both listened to the podcast again, and agreed that it did say to follow your own "diet"--Andy Frisella (creator of the challenge) said he wasn't going to lay out the rules.

Well, it turns out that in another (more recent) podcast interview, Frisella specified not to "stack calories" (i.e. intermittent fasting) and that you must "eat clean, through and through". Different from the previous podcast.

I happen to love the intermittent fasting and I don't "eat clean, through and through", so I technically haven't been following the 75 Hard challenge. And you know what? I'm totally cool with that.

I have gotten what I needed out of 75 Hard. I went into it wanting to gain the control and discipline needed to drop the weight I've gained (and hopefully feel better mentally). I've certainly met those expectations! I'm not going to call what I've done "75 Hard" anymore, out of respect for those that are doing it the way Frisella recently specified. But I did do 32 days of extremely disciplined eating, exercise, reading, drinking water, and taking a progress photo every day. 

It makes me want to make a "Choose Your Own Hard" challenge--because not everybody thinks the same things are "hard". For me, working out twice a day for 45 minutes each time was hard--doable, but hard! For someone else, that might be a cake walk. For me, drinking a gallon of water every day was nothing to blink at; but to others, it may seem impossible. 

Because the challenge has helped me so much (the way I've been doing it), I'm going to continue. I'm just not going to call it 75 Hard. I'm not going to call it anything, really, at least not right now. What I've been doing has been hard enough for me to feel uncomfortable, but not SO hard that I wanted to quit before I started. 

Until I decide otherwise, I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing: 1) Intermittent fasting; 2) Drink a gallon of water a day; 3) Read 10 pages of an inspirational book; 4) Take a progress photo every day; and 5) Do two 45-minute workouts every day.

I'll share my progress now and then (assuming I continue to make progress!).

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Yesterday, we went to Brian and Becky's house to celebrate Riley's second birthday. I will forever remember the day she was born because it was also the day that we started remodeling the house. It started with a single scrape of the textured ceiling, and then I was committed ;)

Riley was SUPER cute (she always is). She's very petite and dainty, but she can be a little spitfire when she wants to be. She's super smart and I loved having her show me her things.

Becky made copycat chicken Qdoba bowls (lime/cilantro rice, chicken, beans, corn, salsa, homemade guacamole, sour cream... everything was SO good!). I fasted until dinner, and I was so glad that I did, because everything was delicious. I was actually too full for birthday cake--yes, it's true. Haha!

I love this picture of Riley and my dad!

Nathan (my younger brother) bought Riley a pink chainsaw. He had given one to Eli when Eli was turning 3 years old, and Eli loved it! Then he gave one to Luke, who also loved it. And apparently, he bought this pink one a couple of years ago and he's had it in his closet ever since--of course, Riley loved it! She loves "boy" things just as much as her girly unicorn things :)

I bought Riley a silly game called Toilet Trouble (Amazon affiliate link) that Becky said she'd love. Luke and Riley have a similar game called Flushin' Frenzy (Amazon affiliate link) where you roll a die that will give you a number 1-3, and then you have to push a plunger on a little plastic toilet that number of times. Eventually, someone will hit the magic number and when you press the plunger, a little turd pops out and flies at you. Hahaha! It's so ridiculous, but you can imagine that kids love it.

So, there is a similar game (which is what I bought Riley) where you put water in the little toilet bowl and then flush a certain number of times on your turn. Eventually, someone gets a spray of water right in the face. It was so cute watching the kids play, because they actually wanted to get sprayed, so they'd put their faces right up to the bowl, hoping that it would spray when they pushed the handle.

Where people come up with these ideas, I have no clue!

After dinner, I spent some time with Riley--she showed me their sandbox (which is like a mansion compared to the sandboxes that I remember as a kid!). Brian had to water the lawn, which requires a hose that is pretty much a firehose--it's enormous. There were a few spots where the water sprayed out, so Riley and I ran through the water. The water made lots of rainbows :)

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The documentary that Adam suggested I watch yesterday was called 'Overcoming Depression: Mind Over Marathon' on Amazon Prime. It's about 10 people with some sort of mental illness (mainly depression, anxiety, and PTSD) who train to run a marathon together. 

I am going to watch the second half of it tonight; last night, I actually fell asleep while watching! I was so cozy curled up on my couch under a blanket with my heating pad on my back. I felt like I blinked and then the second half of the documentary was halfway over. So, I'm going to watch it as soon as I'm done with this post.

So far, though, I really like it! It definitely helps describe what depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and/or PTSD feel like. I always hate trying to describe the feelings (I don't have PTSD, but I do know depression, anxiety, and panic disorder very well) because it makes me feel like I sound whiny. I know that I have a great life and "nothing to feel depressed about", so it's hard to describe to someone why I can't function like a "normal" person during a depressive episode.

It's kind of funny how I still love everything about running; except I am not a runner anymore. I still love to read about it, watch shows about it, talk about it, and even write running plans--I just don't actually *do* it anymore. Maybe I will again someday, but for now, I'm really enjoying the walking!

I'll write more about the documentary tomorrow after I've finished it.

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