California therapy

Holy smokes. What an adventurous weekend!

I will start by spoiling the ending, and saying that this trip was EXACTLY what I needed for my mental health. The day before I left, it was like a bunch of stress accumulated and came to a head, and I just had to do something. I felt like I wanted to just go to sleep and wake up a couple of months later--just put everything on hold for a while.

Of course, avoidance doesn't solve anything, but I was worried I was going to have some sort of breakdown if I didn't get a break. Thanks to a buddy pass from my brother, hopping a plane to San Diego at the last minute was a possibility, and it ended up being just what I needed to destress.

I left off my last post on Saturday morning, when we were getting ready to drive up to Huntington Beach for the Surf City Half.

Since my trip was so last minute, none of the other people going to HB knew that I was going. There were a few fans of the film that were going up for the race, and John was really excited for them to meet me.

It was fun to surprise Colin on Friday night, and he was going to be picking us up from John's. While we waited for him, Shawn showed up. Shawn is a big fan of the film, and I saw a post she wrote on Facebook that I was on her bucket list of people to meet. How fun to get to surprise her, right? ;) So, she came in to John's house, and we chatted for a little while before Colin picked us up.

Shawn is amazing, and I'm thrilled I got to meet her! She does a lot of fundraising walks, including Relay for Life and the Susan G. Komen 3-Day. For Relay for Life, she walked 55 miles around a track in about 23 hours. I can't imagine walking that far, but to do it around a track?! Just wow. Anyway, I was so impressed by her endurance.

Colin picked us up at John's, and then we drove up to Huntington Beach to meet up with everyone else (Angela and Jennifer, the producers of the film; Nora, who works for the FFTFL company; and Teri, a fan of the film and part of the FFTFL community). Everyone kept telling me that Teri was going to be crazy excited to meet me, which made me a little nervous (I always hope that I meet people's expectations of me!).

They hadn't arrived just yet, so Colin, Shawn, John, and I grabbed a quick dinner at Quizno's. Surprisingly, I've been sticking to my challenge of eating a salad every day! I had a Caesar salad and soup at Quizno's (which I later regretted because we went out to dinner with everyone else at a really nice place and I wasn't hungry!).

We went to the hotel, where we waited for the others in the lobby. It was super fun to surprise them, and I was excited to get to meet Nora and Teri. I always love seeing Angela and Jennifer, too.

Packed into the elevator at the hotel

The eight of us went to dinner at a place across the street. I didn't order anything, but I tried one of Colin's frog legs because I'd never had frog legs before (it was surprisingly really good). The owner came over and chatted with us, and we learned that he, himself, had lost 100 pounds! He was in REALLY good shape, and I never would have guessed he was once overweight, but he showed us his before picture. Very inspiring!

Dark photo, but: John, me, Shawn, Angela, Teri, Nora, Colin, and Jennifer

On the walk back to the hotel, I got a chance to talk with Teri, and she is super inspiring. She's lost a lot of weight (I can't remember exactly how much--but I want to guess 80 pounds?). She showed me her "before" picture, and I didn't even recognize her. So amazing!

Teri and me (my hair is enormous from the "heat" in California--60's, haha)

The next morning was the Surf City Half. I had been hoping to walk the race, but it was too late to register and we couldn't transfer a bib to my name. Colin wasn't doing the race, and was planning to just run eight miles on the boardwalk while the others were walking the race, so he said I could join him. That sounded like a good back-up plan to me!

I was really hoping the sun would come out for me, but
it stayed cloudy the whole day. Bummer!

We stayed at the starting line until John, Jennifer, Shawn, and Nora started the race, and then Colin and I walked to the boardwalk and started our run. Colin does heart rate training, so he runs at a pace that keeps his heart rate under 150. He guessed it would be about 11:30-13:30 pace, which sounded perfect to me. The scenery was gorgeous!

We ran an out and back right along the beach, and we discovered early on that the boardwalk was a big part of the marathon course (it was still open to the public, despite the race). It was fun that we were able to run the course, but without having to run a full marathon ;)

We were wearing From Fat to Finish Line shirts, and I was so excited because people actually recognized me from the film! How crazy is that?! There were some guys who set up a Beer & Bacon Station (not part of the race, but just for fun). I think this should be part of races all over! I did have a little beer, because I was thirsty and I obviously wasn't going to take anything from the water stations on the course without being part of the race. Beer always tastes so good during a run!

Chatting with Colin made the time go by really quickly, and before I knew it, we were back at the starting line/finish line. We did 8 miles at a 13:00-ish pace. Lots of fun with this guy!

We met up with Angela at the finish line, and I was on the lookout for Martine, who I asked to come meet us as well. Martine is a reader of my blog that I've gotten to know through emails. She always used to leave the nicest comments on my blog when I had the "Anonymous" option for commenting, and then she'd sign them "Martine". When I turned off anonymous commenting, I felt bad that she'd no longer be able to comment, so I emailed her to let her know my reasoning and to apologize for it. We then started emailing pretty often, and when I decided to go to San Diego, of course I wanted to try to meet up with her. She came to the finish line, and I was happy to see that she is just as delightful in person as she is in her emails!

Martine's gorgeous smile

We hung out at the finish line to wait for our FFTFL crew to come in, and we saw lots of inspiring people! The "back-of-the-packers" are our kind of people, so we enjoyed cheering for them. There was one large group of people that came through, walking, wearing matching shirts. They were celebrating the 90th birthday of the woman walking in the center of the pack for the half-marathon!! How amazing is that?

Although, I do want to say that this particular race is NOT good for walkers or back-of-the-packers. I was shocked at all of the faster finishers who were taking huge armfuls of food and drinks at the finisher's chute, and then there was nothing left when the 3:00-4:00 half-marathoners came through. After our FFTFL people finished in 3:55, there was nothing for them to eat, and there were still half- and full-marathoners on the course! I think it's terrible that people would take so much when there were still people on the course. The race was not set up for slower runners or for walkers, unfortunately.

Nora, Jennifer, Colin, me, Shawn, and John

Anyway, we were all starving by that time, so we walked to a little restaurant near the finish line for lunch. I had chicken tortilla soup and a salad.

After that, I really had to figure out my plan for getting home. I had been planning to take the red-eye from LAX on Sunday evening, to arrive home on Monday morning. However, Becky called to tell me that the flight filled up, so I needed to do a different option.

Flying stand-by is great when you want to take a last-minute trip, but it's kind of a pain because you have to watch flight availability and your options are limited to what's available at the last moment. I thought about staying until Tuesday and leaving from San Diego, but I really needed to get back home to my responsibilities. There was a direct flight out of LAX on Monday at 6:50 AM, so I ultimately decided to get on that flight.

Martine ended up driving me (in her little BMW roadster!) to Angela's house in L.A. on Sunday evening. Angela, meanwhile, was staying another night at the hotel in Huntington Beach. I wished I'd have had time to plan an adventure in L.A., but going up there was so last-minute. I didn't have a car, so from Angela's, I walked down the street to a Carl's Jr. for dinner. I'd never tried Carl's Jr. before, so I actually looking forward to it.

I got a burger wrapped in lettuce instead of a bun (I figured I should save calories wherever I can) and it was really delicious. I wish we had Carl's Jr. around here! I was surprised at how much I liked the burger without a bun, too. I have nothing whatsoever against carbs, but hamburger buns seem like a waste of calories because they are just used as a tool to eat the burger without adding any flavor. I'm going to do the lettuce wrap whenever I can from now on.

Anyway, I walked back to Angela's house and just had a relaxing evening. I went to bed early, because I knew I had an early flight to get up for. I'd never used Uber or Lyft or any sort of service like that before, so I was nervous to try it! But it ended up being super easy. I had Lyft credit from someone handing them out near the race course, and John told me if I use the option to share a ride, it'll be even cheaper (whether someone shares the ride or not).

I requested a ride at 4:00 AM, and Tris, my driver, showed up in about two minutes. I was worried about safety, but the app shows a picture of the driver, a picture of the car, and the license plate number. Tris was super nice, and we chatted the whole way to the airport. The ride was 25 minutes, but only cost $9! I wish we had services like that around where I live.

Thankfully, I made it on the flight without any problems, and I even had a window seat with an empty middle seat next to me! Jerry and the boys picked me up from the airport after school.

I am SO so so grateful that I was able to go on this trip! I feel rejuvenated and ready to make some changes for myself that will be good for me in the long run. I realized that even though I'm an introvert, it's worth stepping out of my comfort zone to meet new people and make new friends. I loved every single person I met this weekend, and they're so inspiring.

Anyways, I'm home now, feeling a million times better than I did just a week ago, and motivated to move in a positive direction. Hope everyone else had a good weekend!

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The most spontaneous thing I've ever done

Hola from San Diego!

This trip was decided on Thursday morning, and I was on a plane Thursday night. Crazy, right?! I had a string of bad days as far as my depression goes, and I really just felt like I needed to get away for a couple of days. I thought about driving out to my sister's with the kids, or something like that. But then I had the (insane) idea that maybe I could visit John.

John is a friend of mine that I met through my blog and SparkPeople, and then asked to join my Ragnar Relay team. He was Runner 12 for the Florida Keys Ragnar, so you can see him in the From Fat to Finish Line documentary. Then, in 2014, John and I captained another Ragnar team, Strangers to Sole Mates.

Anyway, John is very understanding of depression, and I knew talking to him would be therapeutic in itself. As a bonus, he and his husband Ric live in San Diego! Could there possibly be a better place to escape from Michigan for a couple of days, considering it's February and 12 degrees at home? I can't think of one ;)

When I asked John about it, he said the timing would be perfect for a visit, because he's walking the Surf City Half on Sunday and Jen and Angela will be there. Jen and Angela are the documentary's producers (and Jen is one of the runners in the film). It'll be fun to see them today when we drive up to Huntington Beach!

Anyway, John was thrilled for me to visit (John and Ric host people at their house a lot--otherwise, I don't know that I would have asked). My sister-in-law, Becky, listed me on a flight Thursday night using a buddy pass from Brian (Brian was on a trip in Paris). Without a buddy pass, the ticket would have been $1500! There is no way I'd have been able to go without the buddy pass. The flight had 40 open seats, so the chances of getting on the flight were really good.

I made it onto the flight and arrived in San Diego late Thursday night. Yesterday, I got in 15,424 steps while walking around San Diego! John took Ric to an appointment in the morning, so I walked Ruthie, their dog, around the block (she doesn't like to walk far); and then I walked on my own for a few miles to just get some sun. I was amazed at how good I felt--the change of scenery instantly made me feel better.

John, Ric, and I went to the beach where I walked out on a pier, and it was amazing. It was fun to watch people surf.

Me, Ric, and John

We went to Hodad's for lunch, which is a burger place, and the atmosphere there was awesome! When we were leaving, I saw something lying on the sidewalk--and it ended up being a fairly large amount of marijuana. Haha! I felt like I was on a hidden camera show.

Then, we went to Cabrillo National Monument, where I saw the most amazing view of San Diego. I took a photo, but photos NEVER do sceneries justice. I couldn't get over how gorgeous it was!

I was cracking up at all the people wearing winter coats. It was in the mid-60's, which is shorts and t-shirt weather in Michigan! I was wearing jeans, but wished I'd brought shorts because I was really warm.

Then Ric dropped John and I off at a fun bar for afternoon margaritas. We were able to catch up with everything, and it was awesome.

I also got to meet Colin, who is a fan of the film. What a nice guy! He's lost 100 pounds and is training for his first triathlon--an IRONMAN. He is going to be going up to Huntington Beach for the race as well.

Colin, me, and John

The three of us were chatting at John's, and I literally fell asleep on the couch at 7:30. The time change is definitely an adjustment! It was 10:30 at home. But the long day with lots of walking tired me out.

Anyway, I can't believe I didn't think to do this sooner. This trip has been so therapeutic and I know I am going to go home in a much better state of mind. I'm really grateful to my family for being so cool with this, too. It's amazing what nice weather and great friends can do :)

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February challenge

Well, it seems I spoke too soon about this new medication working. I had a terrible day yesterday. It's still only been three weeks since I started taking it, but after this weekend and yesterday, I'm not so sure it's doing anything. I have a follow-up appointment with my doctor on the 9th, so we can figure out what to do then.

It's so weird how much my emotions can swing sometimes. I'm going to ask my doctor about testing my hormones and vitamins and things, too, just to make sure it's not something to do with that. I'm just SO ready to get out of this funk that's been going on since June!

I have managed to stay on track with my eating, though.

Actually, I've done really well! I replaced the batteries in the (newer) scale that I have, and it works again. I had to throw out the old scale, though, and as stupid as this sounds, it was actually kind of emotional. The depression probably had something to do with that, but still... I had that scale for such a long time! (I got it in the early 2000's--maybe 2002?) It saw me at my heaviest and at my lightest. It was sad to throw it away, but there was no fixing it.

Jerry wanted to try to replace the battery for me, even though it wasn't meant to be replaced (it stuns me how long that battery lasted!). He figured out how to take the bottom of the scale apart (I tried this to no avail several times) and then replaced the battery. But, all it would show after that is 888.8. Then I realized that when I had been trying to figure out how to open the backing, I broke two parts inside that were pretty important.

Just to change the battery ;)

It's just a stupid scale, and very replaceable, but I had hope of fixing it. However, after I saw the parts that were broken, I realized that there was no hope left. So, into the trash it went. I think Jerry felt bad he couldn't fix it, because he told me that I should pick out a fancy scale, any scale that I want, to replace it. So, I ordered a nice one on Amazon, and it's supposed to arrive tomorrow. The one I have now is okay, but I've already replaced the batteries three times. The new scale can be plugged in if I want, and I like that idea. Maybe this one will see me back to goal! ;)

Meanwhile, I haven't lost any weight. I'm questioning if this is because of the new medication (antidepressants are notorious for making people gain weight). For the last two weeks, my calories have been great (with the exception of two high-calorie days, but that was never an issue before). I know that it's not my eating that's the problem. I also picked up the running over the last few weeks, so that could have something to do with it (I always tend to gain a little or not lose when I start or increase exercise).

Anyway, I haven't been upset about not losing, but I have been bewildered. I'm going to keep at it, however, because I do feel better about myself when I'm eating well. It would just be nice to drop this weight I've gained! My clothes haven't felt as tight over the last few days, so maybe I'm just retaining water or something. We'll see.

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I decided to do a challenge for myself in February. I've been in the mood to eat healthier things lately (more vegetables, less sugar, etc). I still wouldn't call myself a "healthy eater", but my body has been having different sorts of cravings, and I've been listening to it.

For instance, I cannot stand the thought of a "sweet" breakfast. It churns my stomach for some reason, which is very odd. I've always loved having oatmeal or Larabars or something with peanut butter or things like that for breakfast, but now I opt for anything that isn't sweet. I've been eating sourdough toast with coconut oil, which is a delicious combination. Grits with cheese is a favorite, too.

This all started in early November, long before I started the new medication, so I'm kind of stumped as to why--but it's a good thing, I guess! All this to say, next month is going to be about eating vegetables... in the form of a salad every day for lunch. I've never been a salad person, but occasionally I do like to eat one (usually Caesar, which is probably the least healthy of salads, but still counts in my book).

So, February's plan is to eat a salad (of some sort) for lunch every day. My hope is that I will try different salads every day; but if you know me at all, then you know I get in ruts when I find something that I like, and I eat it every day until I get sick of it. (The kids are home from school for a snow day today, so maybe I'll make a list of salads to work from for the month).

I was craving a particular salad in the worst way when I was doing the vegan challenge. For a while a few years ago, I was eating spring mix with balsamic vinegar and olive oil, topped with chicken, tons of black pepper, feta cheese, dried cranberries, and chopped almonds or sunflower seeds. I tired of it, and haven't eaten it since. But it sounds fantastic, so I am going to pick up the ingredients today.

My goal for this challenge is simply to get used to eating more vegetables. I've gotten good at having vegetables with dinner (I like to mix them into casseroles and skillet meals rather than just eat them on the side), so hopefully I can expand that to lunch as well. As a bonus, I'm always at a loss for what to eat for lunch, so this will make the decision easy :)

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Today, I finished the first month of my 1SecondEveryday app. I wrote about it before, but it's an app where you record a short video every day and upload just a second of it (or 1.5 seconds, in my case--you can choose to do that if you like) to a calendar. Then the app "stitches" the videos together to give you a glimpse of your month (or year or whatever you like).

Here is my video for January:


There are a couple of days where I wished I'd gotten better videos, but I forgot to do it until shortly before bed, so I had to come up with something on the fly. Anyway, I love this app! It's super fun to see a flashback of my month.

As far as my other long term goals:

• I read one book this month, which was my goal (I'm a slow, easily-distracted reader). The book was actually for reviewing on my blog, and you can read the review here if you'd like. I am now starting "Run!" by Dean Karnazes for February. 
• I have been spending more quality time with the kids, and it's been fun! My favorite family time is actually a simple walk around the neighborhood with the kids, Jerry, and Joey. It only takes about 20 minutes, but we don't bring phones or other distractions, and it's nice :)

So, even though I'm still having issues with depression, I'm doing my best to work through them--or at least around them!

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Hello, Year 36

In case you haven't noticed, I've finally picked up the posting frequency on my blog--I hope this means that my new antidepressant is working! I haven't felt a huge difference in my mood, but I've definitely felt a subtle, "Huh, I don't feel as sad today" or "I feel kind of energetic today". I've been making more plans, too, which is another sign it may be helping. I still don't feel back to "normal", but also not as bad off as I felt a month ago.

I don't know if my dad will be thrilled about my sharing the following story, but it was so special that I think it needs to be shared...

As you may know from reading my blog, my dad likes to paint scenic landscapes. He taught himself a few years ago by watching Bob Ross of all things! He's gotten pretty good at it, too. I'm super impressed with some of his paintings, and not just because he's self-taught. He gifted my favorite of his paintings to me, and it's hanging in my living room. I love it! He's never sold his paintings--he typically gives them away if someone says they like them (which is how I acquired the one in my living room).

The painting my dad did that is now hanging in my living room. Impressive, right?

Recently, my friend Andrea's car quit running. My dad is an auto mechanic, so I referred her to him to fix the car. Andrea's grandparents drove her to my parents' house and lent her their car to go pick up the auto parts that she needed. My dad had a chance to chat with Andrea's grandfather, who is 90 years old, for a few minutes. Andrea told him that her grandpa's memory isn't very good for short term stuff, but he is a WWII veteran, and his memory is clear as day when he talks about his ship, the USS Hornet. He's extremely proud of his service, as he should be, and he loves to talk about it. My dad is a Vietnam veteran, so they chatted about the military.

After Andrea's grandparents left, my dad thought about their conversation, and decided to paint a picture of the USS Hornet to gift to Andrea's grandpa. He looked up photos of it online and printed them out, and then used those as a reference to work on his painting.

When my dad told me what he was doing, I thought it was awesome! But he is very modest about his work, and he told me he didn't want to bring the painting over to Andrea's grandpa--that he would just give it to me to give to Andrea to give to grandpa. I thought that my dad should be the one to give it to him! So, I told Andrea about it, and she agreed. She said her grandpa would be absolutely thrilled, and that my dad should bring it over.

Last Sunday afternoon, my dad and Andrea brought the painting to her grandpa, and sure enough--he loved it! He told some stories to my dad about the ship, and they hung the painting on the wall right away. They had a nice visit, and my dad ended up being very glad that he went.

I know my dad was embarrassed of the attention (he literally just wanted the man to have a painting of his beloved ship), but I think he left feeling happy that he went. He later said it was one of his favorite things he's ever done for someone. And Andrea's family appreciated it so much, too!

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Yesterday was my birthday (I turned 35!), and throughout the day, I kind of regretted not hosting the virtual 5K this year. With my depression being so bad, though, I wasn't in the right state of mind to do the work for it. I'm feeling somewhat better now, so I wish I'd have done it. As it was, though, I had a very relaxing birthday. I spent much of the day organizing photos on the computer (a never ending task).

We "celebrated" my birthday on Tuesday, because that's when Jerry was off work. While the kids were at school, Jerry and I went to a couple of running stores that I'd had gift cards to. I had $150 in gift cards at two different stores. Since I'm all stocked up on running shoes, I decided to use the cards to get new socks. Running socks (good ones) are expensive, and I hate spending money on them--$18 for a pair of socks?! It's crazy. But, honestly, they are worth it.

I love Balega socks, and planned to get mostly those. Surprisingly, one of the stores didn't carry them, so I tried Swiftwick instead. They are AMAZING. So squishy and super warm. I don't always wear running socks for running--I like to wear my really cushy ones on a day-to-day basis. Here is what $150 will get you in the running sock world:

I chose not to go out to dinner for my birthday, both to save on calories and money. Instead, Jerry and the boys cooked me the dinner of my request (gnocchi with pesto cream and garlic toast) on Tuesday. It was delicious, and I don't think I could have had a better meal at a restaurant!

The kids have loved cooking lately, and Noah has actually made several dinners on his own. It's a fun way to spend quality time with the boys. I was curious to see how dinner would turn out with Jerry supervising instead of me, but I didn't need to worry--it was amazing :)

Last night, for my actual birthday, instead of celebrating with cake or something, I decided to have Halo Top ice cream for birthday dinner. Obviously, the family loved this idea ;)  I've been obsessed with Halo Top's new flavors!! My favorites are the Oatmeal Cookie, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Peanut Butter Cup, and Red Velvet. (Even though I've had an aversion to peanut butter, the Peanut Butter Cup Halo Top is amazing and not too rich).

Last night, we had the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and my whole family loved it. I simply cannot believe that an entire pint of it is only 360 calories. It also has a lot of fiber and protein, but you would never know it by the way it tastes.

If you haven't tried the new flavors, definitely keep an eye out for them. Halo Top is life-changing. (I don't work with them as an ambassador or anything, although I would in a heartbeat if they offered, haha). The only downfall is that it's crazy expensive at 5.79 per pint. I decided that if it helps me to stay on track, then it's worth the price tag.

I made the same conclusion with vegetables recently, too. I found that I was wasting them a lot, because they are inconvenient and I never felt like taking the time to prep them. Now, I decided that even though it costs a little more, I'm going to buy veggies that are already prepped where I can, because it will help me to actually eat them.

I don't have any major plans this weekend, but Jerry is off work, so I may not write. When he's off, I prefer to stay off the computer as much as I can so I can spend time with the family. I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

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Secrets from the Eating Lab (book review)

TLC Book Tours sent me a copy of this book to review, but I am not being paid for this post or anything else. I was just asked to write an honest review in exchange for the book. Thank you, TLC Book Tours, for thinking of me!

Before I get into the review, I just want to say that TLC Book Tours, if you haven't heard of it, is a really great way to read book reviews written by bloggers around the web. There are links to several bloggers' reviews for each book, as well as purchase links and the book description. It's similar to Goodreads, but smaller, more focused, and the reviews are more in-depth (the reviews aren't on the site--just the links to them--which I like, because I enjoy reading more in-depth reviews, particularly about books like this).

If you're a blogger, you can also sign up there to be a "tour host", which is what I am. When a book comes along that looks like something I would like, they send me an email and ask if I want to review it, and then send me an advanced copy. Since I'm working on reading more books this year, this comes in handy!

Anyway, I was recently asked to review a book that sounded right up my alley: Secrets from the Eating Lab by Traci Mann. Here is a description from the publisher:

A provocative expose of the dieting industry from one of the nation’s leading researchers in self-control and the psychology of weight loss that offers proven strategies for sustainable weight loss. 

From her office in the University of Minnesota’s Health and Eating Lab, professor Traci Mann researches self-control and dieting. And what she has discovered is groundbreaking. Not only do diets not work; they often result in weight gain. Americans are losing the battle of the bulge because our bodies and brains are not hardwired to resist food—the very idea of it works against our biological imperative to survive. 

In Secrets From the Eating Lab, Mann challenges assumptions—including those that make up the very foundation of the weight loss industry—about how diets work and why they fail. The result of more than two decades of research, it offers cutting-edge science and exciting new insights into the American obesity epidemic and our relationship with eating and food. 

Secrets From the Eating Lab also gives readers the practical tools they need to actually lose weight and get healthy. Mann argues that the idea of willpower is a myth—we shouldn’t waste time and money trying to combat our natural tendencies. Instead, she offers 12 simple, effective strategies that take advantage of human nature instead of fighting it—from changing the size of your plates to socializing with people with healthy habits, removing “healthy” labels that send negative messages to redefining comfort food.

I never read "diet books" anymore, but considering my struggle recently, I hoped that it would offer some new tidbits of info that would help me get back on track with my eating. Also, I like that it's not a "fad diet" book.

I like the idea of the book--I'm not a fan of fad diets, and this is definitely not a fad diet (or any diet at all, really). The book is divided into four sections: 1) Why Diets Fail You; 2) Why You Are Better Off Without the Battle; 3) How To Reach Your Leanest Livable Weight (No Willpower Required); and 4) Your Weight is Really Not the Point.

The first section, Why Diets Fail You, was something I've read dozens of times before--if you've read about intuitive eating at all, then you know how diets don't work in the long run. The author backs this up with studies, of course, but the gist is the same: diets just don't work, so we need to find another way to reach a healthy sustainable weight.

Part two explains why obesity isn't as unhealthy as the media makes it out to be. Again, the author backs this up with studies, so I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. I just have a very hard time believing it, because I've experienced both being obese and being at the low end of my healthy weight range. I feel much healthier at a lower weight, and not just because of the number on the scale. I can't imagine it's healthy to gasp for breath at the top of a flight of stairs, or to not be able to tie my own shoes. The book doesn't mention the quality of obese life in this chapter, however; just that obese people don't die younger than people of normal weight.

There is one particular paragraph that I found very interesting, though! You know how I finally came to terms with the fact that my weight range for the past 7 years has been about 30 pounds (about 125-155). I tend to reach my highest weight (high 150's) at the end of summer; and then my lowest weight at the end of winter. I always used to see this as "failure", but I finally just accepted that my body might like a bigger weight range than the ideal five-pound range.

So, when I read this paragraph, you can imagine how interesting I thought it was:

"So how do you determine your set range? It's more of an art than a science, at least given the current state of knowledge, but we do know that it will encompass the weights you tend to be at when you are not dieting and not engaging in extreme overeating. If there is a particular weight that you seem to keep coming back to after changes in either direction, it might be in the middle of your set range. One expert [cited from a study from the American Journal of Public Health] says that you can comfortably lose about 15 pounds below your set point before your body starts trying to defend a higher weight. If it works the same on the high end as on the low end, that would mean that your set range reasonably covers about 30 pounds." (pg. 30-31)

Reading this was a coincidence and actually kind of a big relief! I feel like a 30-pound range is crazy, but it's what my body does. And it's nice to know that there is a reason for it. My body doesn't start really fighting the gain until I reach the top of my range, at around 155-160. And it doesn't start fighting my low weight until I'm at around 125. Out of the entire book, that last sentence fascinated me the most, because it was so relevant to me right now.

In the third part of the book, there are 12 dieting strategies that the author describes. The overall goal of these strategies is to eat well and lose or maintain your weight without "dieting". Most of them are things you have probably heard or read about before, especially if you're familiar with intuitive eating principles. There were a few unique ideas in the book, though.

One of the principles is to "Think of junk foods in an abstract way; not the specific taste/textures you expect." This was a new idea to me, but it works very well when I manage to remember to think about it. Basically, when we start craving a junk food, we imagine eating that food and we think about the textures, smell, taste, temperature, etc... and it makes us really want that food!

According to the book, a way to combat cravings like that is to think of foods abstractly, instead of thinking of the details. For example, you might just dismiss a doughnut as a "breakfast pastry" if you think of it no further than just "a breakfast pastry"--when you start thinking about the cream filling, the chocolate icing on top, the fresh fried dough, exactly how it will taste and feel when you bite into it, etc., it's much more difficult to resist. Does that make sense? Surprisingly, it really works (for me, anyway, and only when I remember to do it). I've been trying to put tempting foods into a broad category and not give any thought to the experience of eating them.

When it comes to healthy foods, we can do just the opposite--we can think of how crisp and sweet an apple will taste, and imagine the juice bursting into our mouths when we bite into it. Thinking of healthy foods that way will make them more appealing.

I cannot remember why I was making this face; maybe
because I ordered salad, and I never order salad? Haha.
It just looks like I'm trying to sell this one!

One of the other principles is to create an automatic plan for anticipated problems--this is called an "implementation intention" or "I-intention". In this case, we think of problems that may arise while we're trying to lose weight, and we come up with a plan ahead of time for exactly how we will handle it. This is something that I did (and still do!) a LOT. It really helps to stick with my food plan when I already know what I'm going to do, and I don't have to make impulsive decisions.

There are ten other strategies, but these two are the ones that I can actually see myself doing. The others are nice ideas, but it's just so much to remember and plan for that I would have to read the book several times over to really drill it in.

The fourth part of the book was very similar to the second part, explaining why losing weight really isn't that important as long as you are eating well, exercising, and taking care of yourself. There is a chapter about exercise and the real reasons to do it (not just for weight loss). I like that! I think my life has been dramatically improved with exercise, but exercise has never really had a big effect on my weight.  I think it's important for all people to do, regardless of weight, so I enjoyed this chapter.

In a nutshell: The book is well-written and very well-researched (there are 46 pages of citations at the end). I enjoyed reading it, and found myself nodding along with a lot of what the author wrote. I felt motivated and even excited to try out the principles. BUT, as soon as I closed the book, I forgot everything I'd just read. It was nice to read, but very difficult to put into practice. I think maybe working on one principle at a time is the way to go--once that becomes habit, then choose another.

Overall, I found the book worth the read, but perhaps a little redundant because I've read so much about weight loss and intuitive eating over the years. If you are looking to just change habits into healthier ones, and you aren't too worried about losing weight quickly or anything, this is probably a helpful book to read. On the other hand, if you've read all the intuitive eating books out there, this one probably won't give you information you haven't already read. That's my honest opinion.

If you are interested in the book, here are the purchase links from TLC Book Tours:

Harper Collins
Amazon (affiliate link--if you purchase through this link, I get a small commission)
Barnes & Noble

In going with the theme, I've really liked reading about healthy HABITS--things that we do on a daily basis that helps us to be healthy--rather than weight loss TIPS. One of my habits that I got into when I first started losing weight in August of 2010 was to drink a full quart of water first thing when I get up each day. It has helped in so many ways--I don't really get thirsty during the day, so I don't drink my calories; my eyes aren't dry (they used to feel very dry when I woke up); it keeps me from feeling bloated; I don't need to carry water on my morning runs; and I just feel better in general.  I'd love to read about some of your healthy habits, if you're willing to share!

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RECIPE: Ground Turkey and Cabbage with Spicy Peanut Sauce

I've been kind of obsessed with bagged coleslaw mix lately (it's just shredded cabbage and carrots). It started when I tried making "Eggroll in a Bowl". That turned out really good, but had way too much soy sauce, so it was very salty; but, I liked the texture, and cabbage is my favorite vegetable.

So, I started playing with it and adding it to other things as well. Surprisingly, my whole family loves it, too! Yesterday, I made the filling for P.F. Chang's lettuce wraps and then instead of eating it in lettuce wraps, I added a whole bag of the coleslaw mix and we ate it out of bowls. Everyone kept exclaiming how good it was, even my kids!

Click here for the printer-friendly PDF

Ground Turkey and Cabbage with Spicy Peanut Sauce

1 Tbsp. canola oil (or other flavorless oil)
1 onion, chopped
1 pound lean ground turkey (93/7)
2 tsp. garlic, minced
1 tsp. ginger (I use the squeeze bottle of ginger)
2-1/2 Tbsp. soy sauce
4 tsp. rice vinegar
1 Tbsp. sesame oil
1 Tbsp. smooth peanut butter
1/2 Tbsp. honey
2 tsp. Sriracha
1 bag of coleslaw mix (just cabbage and carrots; no dressing!)
5 green onions, chopped (you may just want to use 3, but I happen to love green onions)
Small can of water chestnuts, chopped (I forgot to add these yesterday--bummer!)
Peanuts for topping

In a small bowl, combine the sauce ingredients: soy sauce, vinegar, sesame oil, peanut butter, honey, and Sriracha. Microwave it for about 30 seconds to soften the peanut butter, and stir until (mostly) smooth.

Heat the canola oil over medium high heat, and add the onion. Sauté the onion for a couple of minutes, and then add the ground turkey and garlic. Cook, breaking up the turkey, until it's browned and the onion is soft. Add the ginger and coleslaw mix, and continue to sauté until the cabbage just starts to get soft. Add the water chestnuts, green onion, and sauce, and stir well to combine. Heat through until the cabbage is the texture you want (the longer you cook it, the softer it gets, obviously).

Makes about five cups (shown above is one cup). Top each serving with about a tablespoon of peanuts.

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Hectic morning and shredded cabbage recipes

This is going to be a very long, boring post about my day yesterday. I am posting a recipe at the end, so you can skip down to that if you'd like ;)

Well, it's only been a few days of consciously working on changing my eating habits again, but so far, so good. I have no idea if it's working, because I have no scale right now; but I'm eating on my regular schedule, and I'm tracking my calories.

Yesterday, nothing seemed to be going right, and I was very busy, so it was a stressful day. I had therapy from 10-11 yesterday, and the office is about 25 minutes north. Then, I had to go take a class at the Red Cross to renew my CPR/First Aid certification--all the way in Ann Arbor (another 30 minutes past my therapist's office). That part was no big deal, because it didn't start until 1:30.

The kids had a half-day of school. After I dropped them off at school, I headed straight to the rec center and ran my scheduled four miles. (Let me stop here and just say, running four miles on an indoor track (12 laps per mile) is SO BORING. Don't complain about a treadmill until you've tried running tiny laps.) My pace was 10:08, but I forgot my heart rate monitor again!

After my run, I came home, took a shower and ate breakfast. Right as I was walking out the door, my dad called and asked if he could pick up the kids from school. That worked out great, because of their half day. So, I told him that school dismisses at 10:35, and I that I'd call the school so they could let the kids know, and it was all set.

I got in the car, and realized I had no gas and no money, so I had to go to the ATM and gas station. Meanwhile, I had already been late getting out the door because I was on the phone with my dad. I was feeling stressed. While I was in line at the ATM, I was trying to look up the phone number to the middle school, and I couldn't find it. I found numbers for all the other schools in the district, but not the middle school.

I called Jerry on his cell at work, and told him I didn't have time to keep looking for it, and could he please just call the school and let them know my dad was picking up the kids? He called back and said that it was all set, school would be dismissed at 11:20. When the kids were in elementary school, the early dismissal time was 11:20; but middle school has always been 10:35. I reminded him of this, and he said that the school even reminded him that dismissal was at 11:20. I didn't feel good about that, but I said okay, please let my dad know.

Later, I would get a text from Eli telling me that he didn't see my text about the ride home until after he and Noah had gotten on the bus and were on their way home (they have to keep their phones off at school, so there is a delay when I text him). And school had let out at 10:35! I was mad that the school didn't tell them that their grandpa was picking them up; and that they told Jerry the wrong pick-up time.

Then I started thinking about it... and I asked Jerry if maybe he called the elementary school instead of the middle school. He double checked the numbers, and sure enough, that's what he did! The person in the office probably recognized their names and didn't even realize they didn't go to school there anymore. So, the school told Jerry the correct time, but it was the wrong school! ;) Thankfully, my dad got the kids from the bus stop, and all was good.

Meanwhile, I had a pretty tough session of therapy. The first 40 minutes were typical, but then I brought something up that's been going on lately with my depression, and I had a really hard time even talking about it. C (my therapist) actually kept me there over my allotted hour to talk about it. I did feel better when I left there, though (I always do). She gave me some exercises to work on for the next couple of weeks.

From therapy, I headed up to Ann Arbor. Since I had time to kill, I decided to take the back roads because it's more scenic than I-94 (if you drive I-94, you know what I mean). It was great, until I came across a train that was at a dead stop across the road. So, I just rerouted and made my way to I-94 anyway.

When I was making my way toward the Red Cross, I was looking for a place to grab some lunch. Then I noticed a TCBY (frozen yogurt) and I decided to have that. Not an ideal lunch, but we don't have frozen yogurt places near my house, so I very rarely get it. The last time I ate it was probably a year ago! Anyway, I didn't realize TCBY was self-serve, which is dangerous for me (back in the day, when I went to college up there, TCBY was not self-serve and they didn't have all those toppings--so I figured I'd get a small yogurt with strawberries or something).

I decided to try not to be heavy-handed with the toppings, and to get more yogurt than anything else. I used the smallest cup size, and got mostly vanilla yogurt with a little chocolate on top. Then a small sprinkle of cookie dough bites, a couple of chunks of Reese's Cups, about a teaspoon of crushed Kit Kat, and a small squeeze of hot fudge.

Of course, I wanted to totally load it up... but once I started eating it, I realized it was actually a really good ratio. Since I've had a bit of an aversion to sweets lately (it's so weird!) I think having minimal toppings made it taste really good. And here is a shocker--I actually picked off the Reese's Cups chunks after I took a small bite of one, because I didn't like the peanut butter as a sweet! I have no idea what is going on with my taste buds, but over the last few months, I have not liked peanut butter much and I'm just no that into rich dessert. I never thought I'd see the day.

Anyway, I counted it as 600 calories, which is probably an overestimate, but I guessed my best on My Fitness Pal. Even with the high calorie lunch, my calories were only at about 1400 yesterday! I didn't plan that, but the dinner I made ended up being very low in calories.

I've been kind of obsessed with bagged coleslaw mix lately (it's just shredded cabbage and carrots). It started when I tried making "Egg roll in a bowl". That turned out really good, but had way too much soy sauce, so it was very salty; but, I liked the texture, and cabbage is my favorite vegetable. So, I started playing with it and adding it to other things as well. Surprisingly, my whole family loves it, too!

Yesterday, I made the filling for P.F. Chang's lettuce wraps and then instead of eating it in lettuce wraps, I added a whole bag of the coleslaw mix and we ate it out of bowls. Everyone kept exclaiming how good it was, even my kids!

I have no idea what to call this, so I'm just going to call it what it is: Ground Turkey and Cabbage with Spicy Peanut Sauce. (The link will take you to the recipe that I wrote up)

This isn't too spicy--Noah despises anything with spice, so I have to use it lightly, but he actually really enjoyed this. I would suggest adding more Sriracha if you like it spicy :)  (It's kind of funny--peanut butter in sweets has been grossing me out, but when eaten with cabbage and ground turkey(!) I actually really liked it).

Now, I've been going through recipes and seeing what I can add a bag of coleslaw mix to. I've always added it to stir-frys, but I never thought to add it to other skillet meals. It's a great (low calorie) way to bulk up meals.

Well, this post was super long, and even more boring than it was long, so I'll end it now. Hopefully, you still have time left to your weekend after reading this thing ;)

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A tale of two scales

So, the most ironic thing happened yesterday. I was finally going to start doing Wednesday Weigh-ins again, like I mentioned on a previous post. I don't know if I'll continue them, but for now I really need something to give me a push to stay on track.

When I got on the scale, however, it kept reading 888.8 and then turning off. I know my weight is up, but I'm pretty sure I don't weigh 888 pounds. I got out my trusty old scale that I've had for a million years (or 14) and got on that. It read, "LO". Really?!

I'd never seen that reading before, and the scale is so old that there is no real info about it online. I bought it circa 2002-ish. It has been the best scale ever--super reliable, accurate, and I've NEVER ONCE had to change the battery. In 14 years!

From what I found online, it sounds like the manufacturer put a non-replaceable lithium battery in it. So, it lasts for a very long time (most people would have just replaced the scale by now), but once it dies, it dies. You have no idea how sad this makes me. That scale has seen every number between 121 (my lowest weight) and 271 pounds (when I was pregnant)!

Anyway, it was just ironic that on the day that I decide to start weigh-ins again, not just one, but BOTH scales died. The new one might just need a new battery, so I'll try to remember to buy one today. I think I might try to take apart the old scale, and see if it's possible to replace the battery. The compartment is screwed and glued shut, so it'll be tricky. But, the alternative is just letting it go and throwing it out.

I reread some of my old posts yesterday--the ones about calorie counting and what exactly I was doing when I felt so good and was dropping weight easily. I've gotten away from some of those habits I'd built, and I'd like to get back to them. I think the biggest factor is that I used to eat just four times a day, and now I'm snacking much more. The first thing I'd like to do is get back on that schedule of 8:00-12:00-4:00-8:00 for my meals.

Increasing my activity doesn't usually affect my weight, but it does affect my mindset; so, I hope that now that I'm training for Indy, I'll feel more motivated to eat better. Yesterday was a rest day, and today I started the race pace runs (every Thursday). I have no idea what my current half-marathon pace capability is, so I decided to make a loose goal for Indy.

The last time I ran Indy was when I ran my first half-marathon in 2011. I finished in 2:10:40, and I had a lot of fun on the course. So, I'm going to set a loose goal to beat that time when I go to Indy in May. I'll aim for a race pace of 9:55 or better, which is do-able, but not a total cakewalk. Today's run was just two miles at race pace, so I decided to take Joey with me to the State Park.

It was colder than I expected. The high today is supposed to be 43!! This has been the weirdest winter ever for Michigan--on Saturday, it's supposed to get up to 53.) At the start of my run, though, it was only 33, so I wished I'd brought gloves and a ear warmer headband. About a mile in, I felt warmed up, though.

Joey did really good today! He stayed to my left and slightly ahead of me, but not pulling me. I think he likes running at a faster pace--today I was running at roughly 9:30/mile, and it was awesome having him with me. We saw a couple of deer, and surprisingly, Joey just stopped and stared at them instead of running after them. (I didn't even notice there were two until they ran away)

When I hit mile two, we still had a mile left of the loop at the park. We just walked the last mile, so that Joey could sniff around and do his dog stuff.

My splits were better than I expected--mile one was 9:34, and mile two was 9:18. I had no idea I could still run that pace after all the slow heart rate training I'd been doing, and it actually didn't feel that difficult. I forgot my heart rate monitor today, which was a bummer--I'm curious what my heart rate was for that pace.

I used to dread my race pace runs, especially when I was training for the 10K; but since I chose a modest goal for Indy, I'm actually looking forward to this training. I'll do my easy runs as slow as I want, and then follow the pace guidelines for the speed work.

Jerry's off work today, so we're going to do something fun with the kids after school. Eli has birthday money burning a hole in his pocket, and I promised him we'd go to the Lego store. Fun ;)

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Run Your First Mile

I want to preface this post by encouraging you to be open-minded, even if you think you absolutely cannot run. At 253 pounds, I never, in my wildest dreams, could have imagined I would one day run one mile, let alone a whole marathon. Yes, there are people who have health conditions or ailments that prevent them from running, and of course you should listen to your doctor; but, if you have the doctor's go-ahead, then I believe that just about anyone can run a mile.

I only write that because it makes me sad when I hear someone say, "Oh, I could never be a runner." I felt the same way... until I became one ;)

This past summer, I was asked to write a "Run Your First Mile" plan for From Fat to Finish Line (the company that produced the documentary I was in). My teammate Rik had already written a plan for them, but considering the people who will be using it, I thought it would be a good idea to have a second plan option that is different from what they may have tried before. Rik's plan follows the standard "walk-run-walk-run" intervals, which is what most beginner plans do; as I've mentioned several times on my blog, I despised doing intervals when I was learning to run.

August 2011 (still wearing cotton instead
of tech fabric! haha)

The main reason I didn't like running intervals was because I was always dreading the next running portion. I lived for the moments where I got a quick walk break; and then it was back to huffing and puffing during the run parts. Also, intervals are HARD. I had zero confidence in my ability when I was feeling like death after the first interval. I started thinking, "Why do I have to do intervals at all? Why can't I just get all the run portions out of the way in the very beginning, and then I can walk the rest of the time?"

And so my own plan was born--and this was back in 2010, before I knew anything at all about running. I began to do my own thing, and it worked much better for me. Since then, I've run dozens of races, tried several different training plans for various distances, obtained my RRCA running coach certification, and written numerous running plans for others, as well as myself. I still believe that my "Run Your First Mile" plan is a solid one, and a good option for people who may hate intervals like I did.

From Fat to Finish Line ended up using Rik's plan for their needs, but Angela encouraged me to make mine available here in case someone decides intervals just aren't for them. This method is what got me started as a runner, as well as dozens of my readers who used the same method (using my Walk to Run plan). This "Run Your First Mile" is very similar to the Walk to Run plan, but the end target is to run your first mile rather than run for 30 minutes straight.

Here is what the first two weeks look like:

Here is the link to download the whole plan in PDF form. (It's free)

(Edit to add: I accidentally had the privacy settings on the download, but I just corrected it, so it should work now!)

The plan is great for anyone who is capable of walking 30 minutes, 3 times a week; and it will help you to run your first mile anywhere from about Week 5 to Week 8 (depending on your pace).

The number one thing I want anyone to remember when starting to run is this: If it feels too hard, SLOW DOWN. It sounds so simple, and it is--just by slowing your running pace down to the slowest you can possibly run (a slow shuffle is just fine!), you'll be amazed at how much farther you can make yourself go. My brother gave me this advice when I started out, and to this day, it's the best advice I've received about running.

There are some things I wish I knew as a beginner, so I'll share those as well. Here are some random tidbits that may come in handy:

• Cotton gets very heavy when it gets wet (from sweat, rain, etc). I would definitely recommend getting some moisture-wicking clothing. It doesn't have to be expensive, either! Some of my favorite running clothes actually came from Wal-Mart and cost about $10.

• Invest in your running shoes. Even for those just beginning, I strongly encourage you to go get fitted for running shoes at a proper running store. These likely will be expensive, but they will last you for about 400 miles of running. And good shoes can prevent injury, make running more enjoyable, and make you feel less sore.

• It's okay to stop during run--to take a drink, answer an important phone call, chat with a friend you bumped into, pick up a quarter, or anything else. When I first started running, I thought it "didn't count" if I stopped at all, even at a stop light. That's silly! Runners stop all the time for various reasons. Just keep it brief and keep going. It still counts.

• Likewise, you can still say you "ran a half-marathon" (or whatever distance) if you walked through the water stations. Believe it or not, this is one of the most common questions I am asked.

• If a friend offers to run with you, don't fear that you are "holding them back" because your pace is slower. Chances are, you friend already knows you're not out to qualify for Boston as you prepare to run your first mile; and they wouldn't have offered to run with you if they didn't want to. I always enjoy running with people who are slower than I am, because it's fun to chat and it makes the time go by fast. If I have speed work or something that must be done, then I just choose a different day to run with a partner.

I don't want to put too much info here, because I don't want anyone to get overwhelmed before they even run their first step! But when the time is right, here are some more posts I've written that beginners may find helpful:

How to Get Started as a Runner
Running Lingo
50 Running Tips
On Starting to Run and Running Faster
Running Motivation (my favorite books and movies about running)
On Fueling For/During a Run

Tips for Training For and Running Your First 5K
Tips for Training For and Running Your First 10K
Tips for Training For and Running Your First Half Marathon
Tips for Training For and Running Your First Marathon

Best of wishes as you run your first mile! xo

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A good weekend

All things considered, I had a pretty good weekend! (What a boring blog post title, right? I just couldn't think of one today.) On Friday, I went up to Detroit for a few hours, which is one of my favorite places to be. If it was warmer, I would have loved to walk the Riverwalk (my favorite place to relax and enjoy some free time without an agenda). My friend Andrea has never walked the Riverwalk, so when the weather is nicer, I want to take her there. On Friday night, Jerry and I had a mini date night (we didn't really do anything special, but the kids were with my dad so we had the evening to ourselves).

On Saturday morning, I asked Andrea if she'd want to exercise in the pool after I got done with my run, and she said sure; so, I packed a couple changes of clothes (running and swimming) and went to the rec center.

The parking lot was packed, which was unusual for a Saturday morning. When I went inside, I saw they were having a wrestling tournament, and the rec was closed until 9:00 (it was 8:05). Since I was already dressed to run, I just went home and decided that I would still run and then drive back to the rec to swim.

(On Thursday, I had bumped into Renee at the rec center before my run, so we ended up running three miles together. I had turned off the heart rate alert on my Garmin, because I always tend to run faster with Renee than I would otherwise, and didn't want the alarm going off constantly. I was worried about slowing her down too much, but it was nice to run with her--the time went by so fast!) Anyway... the point is, my heart rate alert was still turned off, so on Saturday, I decided to ignore my heart rate and just run however my legs felt like running.

It was freezing outside! I had been dressed to run inside, and all I did before going outside was throw a light jacket on. I should've grabbed a hat and gloves. But, I ran my three miles at a relatively fast pace (compared to my normal heart rate training, I mean). And it actually felt really good when I was done. 

Immediately when I finished, I grabbed my bag for the rec center and headed back up there to meet Andrea. She showed me some exercises she's been doing in her water aerobics class, so we did some of those, and then put on our Aqua Joggers and went in the deep end. 

While you can certainly make aqua jogging a very intense workout if you want, we usually just stretch or use it to jog lightly while we talk. It's actually a really nice alternative to going out to eat or something when you just want to catch up with a friend but don't want to go out to eat all the time. We stayed in the pool for over an hour, and then warmed up in the sauna. I felt great when I left! The power of exercise and good friends :)

Later that afternoon, Andrea came over and we just hung out at my house all day--the time went by so fast, and we had a lot of fun. Becky (my sister-in-law) ended up stopping by later, too. It's awesome to watch as her belly gets a little bigger each time I see her--nephew baby is getting big! :) Even though the night was low-key, we had a lot of laughs, which was very much needed (for me, anyway).

In the morning yesterday, I was tired and just didn't feel like doing my "long run" (I put that in quotes, because right now in my training, my long run is just four miles). But, it looked sunny outside, and NOT windy, which made me dread it a little less. I got dressed and as I was getting my shoes on, Joey started getting super excited. I have no idea why, because I never mentioned taking him with me, but he was acting as if I'd already told him he could come.

He like, "Wait... did you say you're going for a run?"
(This photo was actually from before and after telling him
that he's a 'good dog')

Taking Joey on a run is not easy--I would take him all the time if he didn't pull on the leash, but he insists on running directly in front of me with a taut leash, and then he zig zags as he sees interesting things. If he stops running, I either accidentally kick him or I trip over him. Haha! However, he absolutely loves to run with me, so I do take him when I'm feeling patient.

When I saw him getting super excited, I didn't have the heart to tell him that he wasn't coming, so I decided to just let him come. I threw out any expectations I had of my run, and just figured I'd make the most of it. As soon as we started running, Joey acted exactly as I had expected--pulling me along (not hard, but enough) and zig-zagging right in front of me.

However, I didn't feel at all irritated. This is the whole reason I'm even going into the this boring story--in a situation where I normally would have gotten frustrated and irritated, I didn't care or let it get to me. Throughout the whole run (four miles), there were so many times I noticed that I just felt content--not giddy or anything, but not down at all. 

It may still be too soon to notice a difference, but I really think that it was the new medication that helped my mood. Like I said--any other time, I would have sworn to myself that I would never take Joey on a run with me again (something I've thought several times in the past! lol)--but instead, I just kind of thought, "It is what it is" and I enjoyed the fact that I was running with my dog and my dog was having a blast. 

That's one of the things I like to tell people who are worried about trying an antidepressant... the medication doesn't make me feel "euphoric", "high", or super happy or anything. It just makes me stop and think one day, "Hm, I haven't feel sad today--that's cool". And maybe a few weeks go by, and then, "Wow, I actually can't even remember the last time I cried..." It doesn't make me walk around with a big goofy smile all the time, but it does make me feel more "normal" and not overreact. It sounds silly, but taking Joey for a run and not getting frustrated was enough to make me notice my mood has improved. I'm very happy with that, so I hope I continue to notice the little improvements here and there.

It's feeling good to get back on a running schedule. It has been VERY difficult to get myself going because of my depression, but if I want to train for Indy, then I don't have a choice. It's interesting, because this is exactly how I started exercising back in 2010. I always hated exercise, and I lost the first 60 pounds without it. And then I signed up for Indy (to walk it with my sister), and I knew I'd have to train for that if I wanted to finish without getting a stress fracture or something. 

I stuck to my schedule, and I think I only missed one walk throughout the entire plan. Somewhere along the way, I actually really started to enjoy the way exercise made me feel, and the reason I continued doing it was for that reason. And this time is no different--I have to make myself do it at first, but I'm already started to enjoy it more and feel the benefits. 

This week, I ran four times:

I also went "swimming" twice at the rec center (I put that in quotes because it was basically floating and talking, and not much swimming, haha). 

Anyway, I feel good about my training from last week, and I'm hopeful that this week will be just as good, if not better. I also feel good about this new medication, and hopeful that things are turning around for the better now :) Hope everyone had a great weekend! 

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