Facing the gain

Thank you all so much for the kind comments on my last post! I always feel so vulnerable when I write about such personal topics as depression, but it does feel nice to get it out in the open--and you all are so kind. Thank you for that! I also love to read the ideas from others that they have found helpful in treating their own depression. I haven't noticed a change with the new medication yet, but today is only the third day since I started it, so it needs more time.

I have no good pics for this post, so here is a selfie
with a cat mug that Jerry got me for Christmas ;)

I have noticed a big correlation between my weight and my depression. As my depression gets worse, my weight goes up; and as my depression gets better, my weight goes down. This is likely due to comfort eating, as well as lack of motivation to exercise. I wish that I didn't seek comfort in food! I am going to do my best to be more aware of it, though, and hopefully find alternatives that make me feel better. It's something I've been talking with my therapist about.

Anyway, stepping on the scale after the holidays was kind of sobering. I didn't gain any more weight through the fall or even over Christmas, and I was hovering at around 150--I figured that after the holidays, I'd work harder to take it back off. After several get-togethers in late December and early January, my weight has now climbed to 158. That's just two pounds shy of being at my highest weight in six years. Yikes!

I'm not saying this to complain or whine about it, though. Surprisingly, I'm actually not even that torn up about it! It's funny, because until recently, seeing that number would have made me super upset. My main focus right now is treating my depression and anxiety, and I'm hoping that once I have those under control, my weight will follow, so I'm not too worried about it yet. I have been counting calories, and doing pretty well with it, but the weight isn't falling off like it did in 2015 and early 2016. I think my mood has a lot to do with that--I've found that when I'm in a good mood in general, I lose weight much more easily than when I'm feeling depressed.

So, clearly, I have a long road ahead of me in getting back to goal. In some odd way, I'm actually looking forward to the process. Losing the weight in 2015 did wonders for my mood and it was fun to see the scale moving downward each week. I think I may go back to doing formal weigh-ins every Wednesday, too--even though I hated posting them, it does help keep me motivated to stick to my plan.

As far as "my plan", it's actually very simple: count calories (the same way I did before), follow my training plan for Indy, look for opportunities to be more active (something I was always doing when I was feeling my best), and work through my depression. I have 16 weeks until I go to Indy (where I'm meeting up with a lot of readers!) so that will be a big incentive for me to stick with it. I have 25 pounds to lose, so I could potentially be at my goal weight when I go to Indy, but I would be happy to be down even just 10 pounds by then. We'll see! I am willing to work for it.

Right now, I'm just asking myself every day, "What can I do TODAY to help me feel my best?" I have been trying not to even look ahead, because that gets overwhelming. Eventually, I'll be able to string all of the "today's" together, and I'll have a nice streak going.

To answer that question today, my plan is: run three miles; keep calories at a reasonable number; drink lots of water; take time to do my hair and make-up; and do something fun with the kids and Jerry. When I look at it like that, just for today, it seems pretty manageable.

Well, I'd better head to the rec center for a run before I change my mind! ;) Have a great weekend, everyone!

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A candid post about depression

A couple of days ago, I started writing a post, and I got a lot of it done, but I saved it to finish it up yesterday. Then, I read it yesterday, and realized it sounded really depressing! I didn't mean for it to sound like that; I'd basically just written about the ups and downs of my depression last year.

I still haven't been feeling back to normal, so I went to a new doctor yesterday to try and come up with a plan and possibly switch medication. I really liked the doctor, and he added one medication that should hopefully help me get through this. I don't really enjoy writing about depression, because it's so stigmatized, but I know a lot of people have found it helpful to read (if only so that they don't feel alone in the battle). I also hope by explaining it in-depth, it'll help people to understand what a loved one with depression may be going through.

Depression is a scary beast to deal with. I remember feeling depressed when I was as young as about 9 or 10 years old (although I didn't know that it was called depression then), but I don't think I was officially diagnosed until I was 20. It was never triggered by anything; I think I was just born this way. Antidepressants certainly help, and I've done the natural treatments as well--exercise, mainly, but also psychotherapy. Once I started running in 2010, my depression felt very under control for the most part, other than a few mildly bad days or weeks here and there.

(It literally just occurred to me as I was typing this that maybe my current episode has been so bad because I cut way back on my mileage and haven't been nearly as active as I'd been in the past six years. Now that I'm training for Indy, and picking up mileage, it'll be interesting to see how it helps my mood.)

I've always been pretty good at hiding my depression from friends and/or family, because I don't want to "bring people down". Jerry and my friend Andrea are really the only people who know and understand the full extent of it. Here on my blog, I always try to write a positive spin on things when I talk about it, but even that is hard to do (which is one of the reasons I haven't been writing much through the fall and winter).

Depression is very difficult to describe to someone who has never felt it. As hard as I try to be happy when I'm having a depressed episode, I just feel sad, anxious, hopeless, and pessimistic about life in general. Every little problem that arises in "normal" life feels like a catastrophe--where in a non-depressed person, that little problem is no big deal.

There are physical symptoms of depression as well; it's not "all in your head", like some people believe. A few common physical symptoms are: digestive issues (feeling nauseous or upset stomach); sleeping problems (either insomnia or sleeping too much); fatigue, even if you're getting enough sleep; dizziness or lightheadedness; excessive hunger or loss of appetite (unfortunately, I experience the excessive hunger!); memory loss; and lack of concentration. Depression can even weaken the immune system! Remember how I got sick twice in the fall, and it lasted a long time? That never happens to me.

Some people think that when you're depressed, you can just force yourself to be happy, but it doesn't work that way. Sure, you can fake being happy, but you can't actually change your feeling. (Try to imagine that you just won a million dollars and how happy you'd be--and then after you found out you won, someone told you that you have to "just be sad". That would be difficult, if not impossible, to do! It's the same way with trying to "just be happy" when you don't feel that way. Hopefully that makes sense.)

It would be awesome if it was that easy to fix depression! Believe me, depression is definitely NOT something that I want to feel, and I will do just about anything in my power to not feel that way. I really don't think that there is a single person on the planet who would choose to have depression.

Being a mom with depression is even more difficult. I don't want my kids to see me feeling sad, so I do my best to hide it, and to not let it affect their lives. There have been many times where all I wanted to do was lie in bed all day, but having kids forces me to get up and do what's best for them. In that way, the kids are very helpful! I have talked a little bit about depression and anxiety with them so that they at least understand what it is--and if they ever feel that way, they know they can come talk to me about it and I will listen and take them seriously.

I think one of the worst symptoms is feeling guilty. I have a really great life, and so many things to be thankful for. And I AM very grateful! So, I have no "reason" to feel depressed, which is where the guilt comes in. The thing about depression is that it doesn't have to be triggered by something--some people just have a lot of things going on in their brains that can cause it, and the antidepressants can help balance it all out.

My point is that depression a real illness with real symptoms, and it should be treated as such. For some people, exercise is enough to help them through it; others use medication; some use supplements; and still others use psychotherapy ("talk" therapy) as another common treatment (or any combination of these, or other treatments). Unfortunately, some people cope in unhealthy ways, like alcohol, overeating, drugs, excessive shopping, etc. Basically, anything that makes them feel better.

Since my blog is usually categorized as a weight loss blog, I figured I'd write a little about how depression can affect one's weight loss journey as well:

• Fatigue, even with a lot of sleep, makes it difficult to stay motivated to exercise. 
• Lack of motivation (just feeling like you really don't care)
• Medications (many antidepressants are known to cause weight gain)
• Increased hunger (some people overeat when depressed simply because they feel hungrier than usual.
• Unhealthy eating ("comfort" foods are called such because they are comforting--a natural choice for someone with depression. Unfortunately, these foods only make us feel better temporarily, and they usually have a ton of calories.)
• Alcohol (if someone turns to alcohol to feel better, that can obviously affect weight)
• Cortisol (when we're depressed, we tend to have increased levels of this "stress hormone", which can make it difficult to lose weight)

I'd like to end this post on a positive note, since depression is kind of a downer of a topic! Here are some things that have helped me in the past to get through a bad episode of depression. I'd love to see more ideas, if anyone would like to share. It's a sensitive topic, so I understand if it's not something you want to post online ;)

• Exercise. It's cliché, but it's true what they say--exercise really does help with depression. Even if it's something as simple as going for a stroll every afternoon, getting outside and doing something physical changes my mood better than comfort food, that's for sure. 
• Medication. It's not shameful to take antidepressants if your doctor thinks you would benefit from them. 
• Distraction. Staying busy, and not having a lot of time to really think about it, has helped me quite a bit. I had a very bad day on Tuesday, because I didn't really have anything going on. But yesterday, I was busy non-stop all day, and I actually felt pretty good. The distraction was nice.
• No alcohol. As much as I love my wine, I do feel better when I don't have anything to drink. 
• Having a close friend to talk to. My friend Andrea has been a godsend, truly. I feel comfortable telling her anything at all, and she always seems to know just what to do or say to help. 
• Talk therapy (psychotherapy). If you don't have a close friend to talk to (or even if you do), talk therapy has been very helpful for me. It's really nice to talk to someone who is unbiased and doesn't have any sort of role in your life other than "therapist". 
• Say yes to events/invitations even when you want to say no. It's easy to stay at home and not see friends, but I know that I always feel better if I go and do things.
• Healthy eating. I think this one is probably obvious, but when I'm eating well, and not too much, I feel my best.
• Pets. Pets are a very real form of therapy! My most therapeutic pet is Phoebe. When I'm having a rough time, she just knows. She wants me to hold her while she purrs loudly in my ear. 

Depression is such a heavy topic, but it affects 15 MILLION American adults in any given year (source). Chances are, you or someone you know is affected by it. It's my hope that it becomes more common to talk openly about depression instead of feeling ashamed of it, which is why I decided to write about this (very vulnerable) topic.

To read more about depression, a good place to start is the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) website. You can also find help there if you think you may have depression and would like help seeking treatment.

As for myself, I am feeling hopeful that 2017 is going to be a great year! Instead of being so focused on my weight, I want to really work on my mental health and being the happiest ME I can be--exercising, spending quality time with family and friends, and continuing therapy and medication as needed. I'm looking forward to a good year :)

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Baby shower weekend

After a super crazy weekend, I'm so looking forward to a few low-key days.

On Friday, my sister (along with Shawn and her friend Jen) drove here from Illinois. Once they got to the Michigan/Indiana border, the roads were TERRIBLE due to the lake effect snow on the western side of Michigan. So, they had to pull off the road and get a hotel for a few hours while the salt trucks went out. I was really worried they wouldn't be able to get here, but after four hours at the hotel, they were able to get on the road again.

On Friday night, we celebrated Eli's birthday. He wanted to go out for wings at the local bar, so my parents, brothers, and sister all went out for his birthday. It was super fun, and Jeanie ended up winning $144 at Keno (and Jen, her friend, won $72)! I was chatting too much to play, but my luck may not have been as good as theirs.

On Saturday, my mom called me to say that she wasn't sure if we should eat the rice that I'd made on Thursday. I made 50 servings of rice on Thursday for the Javanese lunch we planned to have at Becky's shower on Saturday. Apparently, when my mom was looking up the best way to reheat rice, she discovered that rice can be a major cause of food poisoning. (I won't get into all the details here, but if you Google it, you may be as surprised as I was!). So, on Saturday morning, I went about making 50 MORE servings of rice to use instead of the stuff that I'd made ahead of time. Thankfully, it all worked out well. (Chances are, the rice I'd made ahead would have been fine, but we didn't want to risk it).

Becky's shower was great! We had it at my mom's house, because she has a huge back room that works well for parties. When Becky was opening gifts, there was one from my aunt that was just awesome--her son, Kevin, and my brother, Brian, were really close growing up (they are the same age). Somehow, Brian's middle school project (an autobiography) wound up at my aunt's house, and she recently came across it. She put it all in a binder and gave it to him at the shower.

He read a few things out loud, and this one was almost eerie! He wrote that he wants to be a pilot for NorthWest when he grows up--and that's exactly what he did. (NorthWest eventually became Delta.)

I bought the baby a little pilot outfit and an airplane bouncer/jumper (photos are from Amazon, because I forgot to take pictures):

I also knitted a baby blanket in the colors of the nursery. It's been fun to work on it!

After the shower, I packed an overnight bag to head to Brian and Becky's house. My kids, parents, siblings, and spouses all went over there for dinner on Saturday night (Brian made filet mignon, and it was amazing, even coming from someone who doesn't care much for steak), and then my parents took Noah and Eli home with them while the rest of us spent the night. We had a lot of laughs, especially when trying to take a family photo (Brian has the photos on his camera, so I'll have to wait until I get them to share). Somehow, this blurry outtake is the only one I have on my phone, haha:

Jeanie wanted us all to wear Lions shirts, because of Saturday's game

Yesterday, Brian made eggs Benedict. We had a relaxing morning with mimosas before saying goodbye and parting ways (Jeanie, Shawn, and Jen went back to Illinois). Jerry and I went to pick up the kids, because Eli's birthday party was at the bowling alley yesterday afternoon. First, I took Eli to get his hair cut. There is a YouTuber that Eli likes, and he's been growing his hair out so that he could get it cut like this particular YouTuber. It ended up turning out so cute! And of course, he enjoyed his party.

When we got home, Jerry and I worked on cleaning the house. It took a beating this weekend while we were in and out so much, and I never had a chance to clean anything. It's amazing how messy a house can get in just a couple of days, especially when I wasn't even here to mess it up! It felt really good to go to bed with a clean house, though.

Today, I'm going to work on catching up on everything--laundry, blogging, grocery shopping, etc. I've been thinking about my blog a lot lately, and I'm thinking I'd like to get back to the informality of posts like when I first started Runs for Cookies. That might mean writing a post full of things to say; but also, I might simply just post a photo and a caption for that day--it all depends on what/how much I have to say (if anything at all). I know I've made so many changes recently, but I'm still figuring out where I want to go from here. I'm just going to wing it for now, until I figure it all out.

A few people have asked me about my virtual 5K this year. Sadly, I decided not to do it this time. When I first did the virtual 5K, it was for my 31st birthday (3.1 miles for age 31). It was super fun, and had a great turnout, so I decided to do it again for three more years. This year, however, I'm going to just focus on having a relaxing birthday without an agenda. But don't let that stop you from running or walking 5K in the freezing winter, though! ;) I always love seeing pictures from people's runs.

Speaking of, it has been SO COLD here lately! I used to really like the cold, especially for running; but, the older I get, the harder it is to tolerate. It's been really difficult to stay motivated to run when the temp is in the single digits. But, now that I'm officially training for Indy, I just have to do it. I'll probably be spending a lot of time at the rec center for my runs, but it just sounds much more tolerable than running when I can't even feel my face ;)

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Four year anniversary of Ragnar

Well, it seems that 2017 is off to a decent start :)

The weather was super nice here on Monday, so to take advantage of the weather, the kids and I went to Nike Park. It's a HUGE fenced in park, and whenever we've gone, there hasn't been anyone there--so it's a great place to take Joey off leash. (They really ought to turn this park into a dog park. We don't have any dog parks around here.)

The kids and I played on the playground while Joey ran around sniffing every single blade of grass in the park. One of the things on my list of things to do with the kids this year was to take them to Nike Park, so we crossed that one off right away. A couple of people asked me to see the list, so here is a picture of it. A lot of it isn't really relevant unless you live around here, but there are other ideas as well.

(You'll probably have to click to enlarge it enough to read it)

Eli is 1 of 30 kids in his grade that were selected to compete for a spelling bee (all of the kids were given a spelling test, and the top 30 kids then do a mini spelling bee to select the top 10). Anyway, after Eli's disappointment from not making the Quiz Bowl team in the fall, it was very exciting that he is in the top 30 for this. Even if he doesn't go further than that, it's quite the accomplishment! I'm super proud of him.

Today is the four-year anniversary of when my Ragnar Florida Keys team, From Fat to Finish Line, crossed the finish line in Key West! In some ways, that day feels like it happened a million years ago; in others, it feels like just yesterday. And it will always be unbelievable to me that the whole thing is now a documentary on Netflix!

This is an anniversary video that the producer made on the one-year anniversary. One of my friends shared it on Facebook today, and I had forgotten about it. I love this video! I think it's the song that makes it so emotional for me. My favorite part is when my face lights up as I see John running in for the major exchange between him and I. I don't remember if that's in the actual film or not.


I have a crazy busy weekend ahead of me. Jeanie and Shawn (my sister and brother-in-law) are coming in from Illinois because we're having a baby shower for Becky. Just two more months until I'm an aunt!!

Eli's 11th birthday is on Saturday, which is the same day as the shower, so we're going to celebrate his birthday on Friday. He wants everyone to go out to dinner together--"everyone" being my parents, my siblings, and their spouses. On Saturday, we have the baby shower and then we're going to Brian's for dinner, drinks, and games. On Sunday, Eli is having a birthday party at the bowling alley with some of his school friends.

As I write this, I'm in the middle of making an enormous batch of rice--enough for 40 people!--for the shower. We're having a "Javanese lunch"--I have no idea the origin of this meal, I just remember growing up eating it once in a while (usually at a shower). It's basically a buffet of 10 ingredients: rice, diced chicken or turkey, almonds or peanuts, green onions, celery, pineapple, coconut, cheddar cheese, chow mein noodles, and gravy. You start with the rice, and then add the other stuff on top. It's delicious! The ingredients seem so odd, but they work really well together. Anyway, I am in charge of making the rice, so I'm getting that prepped today.

So, a crazy weekend ahead, but super fun. I love getting to hang out with my brothers and sister! We only all get together about once a year, so I always look forward to it.

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Goals for 2017

Happy New Year, Friends! I'm hoping that 2017 is going to be a great one.

We spent NYE at Renee's with her husband and boys

Much like my last post about my end of the year post, I like to spend the beginning of each new year making some goals. I know that "new year's resolutions" are tired and cliché, so I don't really call my goals that--but there is something really special about the beginning of a new year when it comes to setting goals.

In the past, I've always had goals about weight--whether it was losing weight, maintaining weight, trying to change up my diet, etc.--it's always been at the front of my mind. This year, I'm actually not going to set any new goals in regards to weight! Of course, I'll always be working on losing/maintaining weight, but I have thought and written about it so much over the last decade that I just want to think about something else for a while.

There are a few things that I want to work on this year, though, so I will focus more on those goals.

1) I'd like to read more. Ever since I discovered "binge watching" shows on Netflix, I've pretty much just given up reading for pleasure. I'm going to set a goal to read at least one book per month. I know that doesn't sound like much, but at the end of the year, it'll probably be 11 books more than I read in 2016 ;)  I'm going to set aside at least 30 minutes a day to read. (If you have suggestions for me, please feel free to share! My favorite books are typically either thrillers (Dean Koontz is a fave) or popular young adult series (Twilight, The Hunger Games, etc.) Fun, easy reads, basically.)

2) I'd like to spend tons of quality time with my kids. I started making a list yesterday about all the things we can do together--from cooking dinner, to playing a board game, to visiting all the local state parks--and I'm going to make it my goal to do every single one of the items on the list sometime in 2017. My list is 110 items long, so it will definitely keep us busy. Some things are very quick and easy, and some require planning ahead, but the list is do-able. And hopefully I can create some nice memories with my kids! They're growing so fast.

3) Record 1 Second Everyday. My friend John shared a video that he'd put together from 2016 with an app called 1 Second Everyday. You literally just record one second of video every day, and the app keeps it nice and neat in a little calendar. It turns all the mini videos into one long video of your year. I started mine yesterday by taking a one second video of a pretty view of Lake Erie during my run. The video stays in this little calendar, so you can see at a glance what your videos are for each day. (I'm doing one series of just running photos, and another of one second per day of something I did.)

In my last post, I started by saying that I wasn't sure if I could find much good in 2016, but after writing the post, I realized that there was SO much good last year. I think that by doing the 1 Second Everyday video, at this time next year, I'll be able to conjure up 365 memories in just a few minutes! (And you don't have to start on Jan. 1--you can start anytime you like.)

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Those are the three measurable goals that I have this year. Of course there are other things I'm working on--training for Indy, getting back to my goal weight (always, ugh), be more active, try new meals, etc--but they are things I'm always writing about!

I'm going to follow my training plan for Indy, which is a good amount of exercise; I'm going to count calories consistently; and continue to work on some habits. Somehow, I started drinking coffee again recently, which is so odd! I never feel like waiting for tea to steep, and since coffee from the Keurig is instant, I just started making it out of convenience. I'd like to switch back to tea. I have a ton of yummy tea just waiting to be steeped!

Another habit I picked up is snacking--when I was at my goal weight last year, I was eating three meals and one treat a day, and I was totally content with that. Somewhere along the way (probably in the summer), I started snacking again, which makes weight management more difficult. I felt much better before the snacking started! So, I'm going to try and switch that habit back as well.

I started training for Indy yesterday. I decided to do the Hansons Half-Marathon Method (the full 18 weeks, which includes base building). I'm not picking a goal time for Indy (just want to have fun and feel good throughout) so I may not focus on the speed work as much; but I feel ready to pick up the mileage for 2017. I have been enjoying running at my MAF heart rate, too, so I'll continue doing that for my easy runs. The first month is all easy running, so it'll be similar to November and December, just with more miles.

Even though I didn't make it all the way through the vegan challenge in November-December, I'm still glad that I tried it. It was much more difficult than I even could imagine. I'd always been curious if I could do it, and now I know :) 14 days is my limit, apparently! The reason I bring it up, though, is because I really like setting short term goals for myself (a maximum of 6 weeks) to just challenge myself in some way. So, I'd like to do more of that in 2017.

For January, the challenge is going to be not eating out. We ate out way too frequently last month, and it's kind of shocking to see just how much money that adds up to. The only exceptions we're making for this month are for birthdays--Eli's is on the 7th, and mine is on the 25th. I may choose to eat at home, but I know Eli loves going out for his birthday.

It feels nice to have some fresh goals going into this new year. Anyone else have resolutions or goals you want to share?

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Top 16 of 2016

This year has been kind of odd for me. I've had no motivation to write on my blog this month, for some reason, but I've done a post on New Year's Eve every year; and I'd hate to skip one. It started with the "Top 11 of 2011", and then the "Top 12 of 2012"... and so on. Usually, I start each post wondering if I'll be able to come up with that many noteworthy events, but by the end of the post, I feel good about all the things I accomplished or experienced and had forgotten about.

This year feels the same. I haven't even started going through the pictures of the year to begin this post, so I'm not sure how I'll feel by the end of it! This year has just been so odd (for lack of a better word). So, here we go... my Top 16 of 2016.

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1. I started the year at my goal weight! I felt like 2016 was off to an amazing start--I was effortlessly maintaining/losing weight, and I was training hard for a 10K in April. I felt like I was on top of the world!

2. On February 2nd, we celebrated the one year anniversary of adopting Joey. He's such an AMAZING dog, and we are grateful every day that we happened to pick him.

3. I ran a 5K PR while I was training for my 10K. It was a small race, and I actually placed second female overall! I won a gift certificate to a new local running store (that I still need to use!).

4. I got a new Jeep Renegade! Normally, I am not a "car person"--I've never been one to be impressed by cars, or even want to get a brand new one. But when Jerry had to turn in his lease, and we saw this in the showroom, I couldn't stop obsessing over it. It worked out well, and now I adore my car :)

5. Jerry and I took the kids to dinner in Detroit, followed by their first Red Wings game. It was a super fun evening! Before we left, my mom (who was going to dogsit Joey) took a quick picture of us. Is this not the corniest family photo you've ever seen?!

6. In April, I went to Portland to visit my BFF, Thomas--as well as *hopefully* run a 10K PR.

7. During my Portland trip, I hiked through a cave... something I never, EVER could have done before losing all the weight. I started the hike feeling terrified, and that I wasn't "fit enough" to do it. I got more confident the farther we went, and by the end, I was completely thrilled that I had done it!  I conquered a few fears that day.

8. Thankfully, I did hit my 10K PR on that trip--much thanks to Thomas, who paced me! I had set a near-impossible goal, I worked my ASS off for five months, and then I actually hit my goal. It was crazy! This made me feel like I could do anything.

9. From Portland, I took the train up the coast to Seattle, to visit a reader-turned-friend, Laurel. She took me on A CUPCAKE TOUR of Seattle! It was awesome. We tasted cupcakes from four different bakeries, and finished with lava cakes. Best tour ever!

10. I went on my first trail run! My brother, Nathan, his girlfriend at the time, Kendall, and I went for a five-mile run in Pinckney, Michigan. I wish the trail was closer to home, because it was amazing!

11. Jerry and I went on a road trip to Cadillac, Michigan, for an overnight trip. We accidentally discovered that place in 2014, and we wanted to return. It's such a great town!

12. We adopted Monica, a long-haired tortoiseshell kitty, from a rescue group. I went to an event that Purina had told me about, and my family just fell in love with this cat! She's been amazing. She LOVES being petted, and if you're not doing it to her liking, she will let you know ;)

13. The documentary I took part in, From Fat to Finish Line, was FINALLY released! It was SO very weird to see myself on Netflix. I still can't really believe it happened.

14. Jerry and I took the kids to Virginia Beach for vacation over the summer, and unfortunately, it was right smack in the middle of a hurricane. The hotel was under tropical storm warning, and the beach was closed. A very memorable trip, to say the least!

15. I found out I'm going to be an AUNT!! I cannot even being to describe how thrilled I am that I am going to have a nephew in March :) (Brian and Becky are having a boy)

16. I had an AMAZING visit from some very sweet readers-turned-friends! Caitlin, Andrea, and Bonnie came to visit, and the girls weekend was much-needed. I hope we'll do it again next year!

16. (Yes, I already did 16, but I can't skip this one!) I met a little bird. It was such an amazing thing! I helped this little guy who was stunned from hitting my living room window, and he let me hold him for awhile. Then, a few days later, he was waiting for me on my porch and he let me hold him again! It was the day that Trump was elected president, which was--well, just plain crazy--and that encounter with the little bird was like Hope literally flew right into my hand.

Once again, I am so glad to have found so much good in this past year! In July, I went through a very deep depression, and it's been ongoing since then. I'm having a hard time getting past it. But I feel hopeful that 2017 will be a good year. A little bird told me so ;)

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Some fun facts for 2016: 

I ran 781.5 miles (a little up from 457 miles in 2015--the "year of the injury"). 
The day of the week I ran most often was Tuesday; the least often was Wednesday.
The month that I had the highest mileage was February, with 115.4 miles.
My average pace for the whole year was 10:33/mi (up from 10:31/mi in 2015).
I burned 68,181 calories from running... that's equivalent to over 19 pounds of fat (or 874 chocolate chip cookies)!
My most memorable meal was at McMenamins in Portland (same as 2015, actually)--I had Cajun Tots. So stupid, but I craved those tots for MONTHS while I was training. I told Thomas I was going to eat a pound of them for every second that I PR'ed my race. Haha! I ordered the biggest size, and ate about 2/3 of them. Totally worth it!

My current favorite breakfast has actually been coffee with hot cocoa mix. That's really terrible! I am going to change that and start having a real breakfast again.
My current favorite evening snack is actually chips--which is weird! I have always liked sweets, but for the past few months, I have had an aversion to a lot of sweets.

The thing I am most looking forward to in 2017? Hopefully, getting my motivation back--to count calories, to run my best, to write blog posts... I would really like to get back to how I felt at the beginning of 2016! But I was training so hard then; I'd definitely settle for somewhere in the middle of where I am now versus a year ago. I just want to feel healthy; not wonder if every little thing will make me gain weight; stop struggling; and just live life! Is that too much to ask? ;) Haha, I'd be happy to master just one of those things, so we'll see how it goes in 2017.  I'm going to write a post (hopefully tomorrow) about my goals for next year.

Once again, I'm so glad I wrote this post! I realized just how many amazing things happened in 2016, which wasn't exactly the greatest year ever. It's time I just focus on the good, and forget the bad.

Happy New Year, Friends!! Here's to an amazing 2017! :)

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Yikes! (a nine-day catch-up)

Wow, I thought maybe it had been three or four days since my last post... I just signed into see that it's actually been NINE days! I didn't intend to take such a long break; time just seems to fly by this time of year. I haven't been extraordinarily busy or anything, but it seemed that the longer I didn't write, the easier it was to wait one more day.

Anyway, I think a bullet-style post will be best for playing catch-up!

• I signed up for an RRCA-Level 2 class that will take place in March. I'm already an RRCA-certified running coach (remember when I took that course in 2013?). That was a Level 1 certification, and they now have Level 2 certification courses. I was thrilled when I saw that there is a class in Detroit in March, so I signed up right away. I'm super excited to learn more about coaching! Since I haven't been working on my blog as much, I was thinking about possibly taking on a few running clients next year. My friend Caitlin (who was just here last month) signed up for the course in Detroit, too, so she'll be visiting again--woo hoo!

• After the vegan challenge, I was dying to get a chocolate orange. I love them, and I get one every year at Christmastime. I bought one a few days after I ended the challenge, and then counted out my five wedges to eat. After eating a couple of them, I noticed in the third that there was something weird in the chocolate. I have no idea what it was (and the tweet to the company went without reply), but it pretty much ruined my love of chocolate oranges :( So gross.

• I am WAY TOO EXCITED for Becky (my brother Brian's wife) to have the baby! I don't think I mentioned it here on the blog yet, but they found out that it's a boy :) I was honestly about 51% hoping for a boy, and 49% hoping for a girl--it really wouldn't have mattered, but of course I'm slightly biased toward little boys. So, I will have a nephew in a few months, and I couldn't be more excited! This baby is already spoiled beyond belief, because as I've been Christmas shopping, I keep seeing things that I want to get for the baby ;)

• I decided to (finally) try out using Snapchat. I still just don't understand the appeal! Playing with the filters was really fun, but I haven't really gotten the point of the whole Snapchat concept yet. Instagram is my favorite social media. I don't know if I'll use Snapchat much, but if you'd like to find me, I'm "runsforcookies"--surprise surprise. I do love how pretty some of the filters make me look though! haha.

• Noah's seventh-grade science class dissected pigs' lungs last week, and it was mandatory that the kids each have a parent there. I guess there have been several students over the years that have fainted during dissection, so the teacher wanted the kids to have someone there in case they went down. So, as a stay-at-home mom, that was my job ;) Nobody fainted, thankfully, and it was actually really interesting! When I had to dissect things in school, I was never very interested in it (who wants to dissect a CAT? That was horrible...). But I was very interested in the lung dissection. The boys at my table were, too.

• I haven't been counting calories since I ended the vegan challenge. I've really been listening to my appetite, and I've been monitoring my weight to see what happens. My weight has stayed very stable, even though I'm eating what/when/how much I want. I will get back to counting calories after the holiday (or if my weight starts climbing). But it's been really nice to take a break from it--and to not feel guilty for it! I haven't binged, either... actually, I can't even remember the last time that I binged. It was before the vegan challenge, and before my friends were visiting, so it's been a while.

• I've been doing really well with the no-alcohol challenge, but I did make a couple exceptions (so I guess it would be considered a limited-alcohol challenge?). Once, I went out with my friend Andrea, and Jerry was driving, so Andrea and I had a few drinks. Also, Jerry and I went out to dinner for a date night last week, and I got a martini with dinner. For situations like that, I don't mind making an exception. Interestingly, though, I haven't really had a desire to have nightly wine at home--goes to show that it was more habit than anything else. I also wonder if maybe I've been able to stay binge free because I haven't been drinking--even one drink makes me want to eat, so laying off the alcohol has probably helped.

• As far as running goes, I was doing really well getting in a extra miles for a couple of weeks, but then we had lots of snow, ice, and a super cold front come through. It was -13 degrees on Thursday! I've noticed that the treadmill gets sluggish when it's that cold outside (the treadmill is in the garage, which isn't heated). And even though being in the garage is better than outside in these temps, it's still -13 degrees! ;) It's supposed to warm up a little to the 30's this week, so hopefully I'll get out there more. I would love for the ice on the roads to melt! I fell twice just walking from my car to the house. It's crazy slippery!

• I caught Monica licking Joey's face on my bed, and it was SO cute that I grabbed my phone to take a video. It ended up being pretty funny at the end...

Poor Joey! He looks so sweet in this video, but he does his share of annoying the cats, too ;)

• Today is my kids' last day of school before their Christmas break. I'm really looking forward to less chaotic mornings :) And I'm super excited to give them their Christmas gifts! Whenever I have a gift for someone that I think they'll love, it drives me crazy to have to wait to give it to them. Five more days! We did most of our shopping on Amazon this year, and it was a million times easier. Plus, who doesn't love getting package deliveries?

I will try and write more over the kids' break, but it's been kind of nice to take a break from writing, too. Hope everyone has a great holiday and safe travels if you're going out of town!

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Instant Pot

I never go shopping on Black Friday, but this year, I was curious to see if Amazon had any good sales that day. I was browsing the website when I came across something called an Instant Pot, and it was on sale for $60. I thought it seemed like a good deal, and the reviews were great, so I impulsively bought one.

I don't know what I was thinking! When it arrived, I actually printed a label to return it, because I regretted the impulsive buy. However, Jerry convinced me to give it a try. I'm SO glad that I did--I love it!

An Instant Pot is an electric pressure cooker that can also be used as a rice cooker and slow cooker (which is awesome, because my slow cooker ceramic base cracked recently) as well as a few other appliances.

Pressure cookers have always scared me, because I imagine them exploding all over my kitchen; but the Instant Pot is pretty much fool proof and very safe. It claims to cook food in about half the normal amount of time, which was appealing to me.

The very first thing I made was actually plain old potatoes. Baking potatoes in the oven takes forever, so I wanted to see if I could make them in the Instant Pot. I cleaned six potatoes and put them on the trivet inside of the Instant Pot, then added a cup of water (the Pot needs liquid in order to pressurize and cook the food). I set the timer on manual for 20 minutes.

The Pot is very quiet when it's cooking, so I wasn't sure exactly what was happening or how well it was working. When the timer was done, I turned the knob to release the pressure (a ton of steam came shooting out of a small hole) and when the pressure was released, the lid unlocked. I was surprised (and thrilled) that the potatoes were cooked perfectly! I topped mine with black beans, corn, and avocado, and it was delicious.

The next night, I decided to cook one of my own recipes in the Instant Pot, which was a little nerve wracking because I didn't have a clue how to convert a recipe to an Instant Pot recipe. I just guessed. I was making a recipe for chicken and rice for the family (I was doing the vegan challenge, so it wasn't for me). The recipe just consists of chicken breasts, rice, French onion soup mix, cream of mushroom soup and cream of chicken soup (and water, of course). 

I dumped it all in the Instant Pot and set the timer. When it was done, I turned the knob to release the pressure, but nothing happened--it had never pressurized. I thought maybe the sealing ring was off or something, so I checked everything and did it again. Again, no pressure. Several more tries, and an hour and a half later, it was finally cooked even though it never pressurized. 

I was ready to return it, and then after some Google research, I realized the problem was that the liquid was too thick. When the liquid is very thick, it doesn't steam enough to create the pressure. So, I learned my lesson and kept trying.

Since then, I've made several more meals and I LOVE the Instant Pot! It's a perfect rice cooker, which is nice because we eat a lot of rice. Yesterday, I made white chili using FROZEN chicken and setting the timer for just 15 minutes...

White Chili

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp. olive oil

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves of garlic, minced

1 lb. frozen chicken breasts

1 can great northern beans, drained and rinsed

1 can white corn, drained

2 Tbsp. lime juice

1/2 teaspoon oregano

1 teaspoon cumin

1/2 teaspoon coriander

1/4 teaspoon Tabasco sauce

3-4 cups of chicken broth (use 4 for a more soup-like chili)

First, I set the Instant Pot to "saute" and added the oil and onion. Once the onion was softened, I added the rest of the ingredients and closed the lid. I set the timer on manual for 15 minutes. When the time was up, I released the pressure and it was done! I pulled the chicken out to chop it, and then tossed it back in. Super easy and very yummy.

I was worried the beans would overcook, because they were canned, but they turned out just fine. (The Instant Pot cooks dry beans and lentils SUPER fast without having to soak them!)

Today, I even cooked pasta in the Instant Pot. I put a pound of elbow macaroni in the pot with some salt and water, and then set the timer for 4 minutes on manual. While it was cooking, I made the cheese sauce for macaroni and cheese. The pasta was cooked perfectly! I love that you don't have to babysit the food--you literally just set the timer and don't look at it until it's done. 

Anyway, this is my new favorite gadget... I've been cooking with it every day, and it still amazes me at how fast and easy it is. I just wanted to share in case you're looking for a Christmas gift for someone ;) Here is a link on Amazon (if you purchase through this link, then I get a small commission from Amazon--but I am not associated with Instant Pot in any way, and I paid for my Pot myself). The exact pot that I bought is no longer being sold, but the link above is for the newer model that also makes yogurt. 

There are a ton of recipe ideas on Pinterest for the Instant Pot, so I've made a few of those; but mostly, I've just been using it to cook my own recipes. You just need to make sure that the recipe has enough water in it to create steam. I was overwhelmed when I first started using it, but now that I see the potential, I've just been experimenting and I love it. So far, I've cooked everything on manual; but I want to start trying out the other buttons to see how that works. 

Do any of you have an Instant Pot? What do you like to cook in it? 

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MAF running on the treadmill

After having the weekend to think about it, I still don't have any regrets about quitting the vegan challenge. I am disappointed that I wasn't able to stick it out for the whole five weeks, but I did what felt best for me. And to be honest, that 14 days FELT like five weeks, haha!

I don't know if it was just a coincidence or not, but I felt very energetic after I ate some meat and dairy on Thursday night. Instead of feeling very tired on my run Friday, I actually felt better than I have in weeks. I had set out to run about three miles, but once I started running, I felt so good that I decided to turn it into my long run for the week.

Lately, my MAF training pace has been in the mid- to high-11:00's; but on Friday, at the same heart rate, I was able to run four sub-11:00 miles. I hadn't done that since the very beginning of MAF training. I was feeling so energetic that I was tempted to run 10 miles, but I really don't want to wind up injured by doing too much, too soon, so I ended up running 7 miles. That was the longest run I've done in a while, and it felt so good!

Surprisingly, I did not go totally crazy with dairy (foods I was missing) after quitting the challenge. I didn't even get ice cream! I've eaten pretty well over the weekend, and a couple of meals were actually still vegan. Today, I made some Banana Cranberry Oat Bars. I tried to make them during the challenge, but after mixing the batter, I realized the walnuts I'd added were rancid, so I had to throw it out. Today, they turned out perfectly. I LOVE these bars!

They taste even better when they are cold out of the fridge, so I'm going to eat these for breakfast all week.

I had counted calories while doing the vegan challenge, and I averaged about 1650 per day--but I didn't lose any weight, which surprised me. I was eating so healthy that I thought I'd drop weight for sure! I think the biggest difference between the way I normally eat versus the vegan challenge was that I normally eat a good amount of fat; but when eating vegan, my fat intake was very low in comparison (even while eating avocados, nuts, and seeds).

It's kind of interesting just how different everybody is. My body apparently likes fat when I'm trying to lose weight. Several people asked me if I was getting less protein during the challenge, but I was actually getting about the same amount as usual. I've never been one to eat large amounts of protein though. The biggest difference, like I said, was in my fat intake (I think I get a large amount of fat from dairy, so when you take the dairy away, the fat goes too).

Anyway, I was a little worried I'd binge on all sorts of non-vegan foods when I ended the challenge, but that wasn't the case. I'm continuing to count calories, but I'm listening to my body about what foods I choose to eat. That worked so well for me last year, and it's about as simple as it gets. I'm not as focused on weight loss right now, though--it feels nice not to think about it all the time! Of course, I'd like to get back to goal eventually; but for the first time in my life, I don't feel like I'm in a huge hurry. It's pretty liberating.

It's a good thing I did my long run on Friday, because we got lots of snow last night (and it's still snowing today). The roads were so bad this morning that my parents' church was actually canceled! I'd never heard of church being canceled for weather. Jerry said he saw some accidents on his way home from work, too.

I was thinking I'd go to the rec center and run on the indoor track, but I didn't want to drive (even though it's only a few miles away). Instead, I dusted off the treadmill (seriously, the last time I used the treadmill was in the spring, I think--March?). The kids were playing outside in the snow, so I went out to the treadmill in the garage, and opened up the large garage door. The cold air felt really good, but I didn't have to run on the slippery ground, so it was a nice compromise. I just hoped that the treadmill would still work!

Thankfully, it actually started right up. It's probably going to die any day now, but I'm hoping it'll last through the winter at least. I was curious to see what my MAF pace would be on the treadmill. The only goal for MAF training is to keep my heart rate under 146 bpm, so my pace varies for a number of reasons. I started out at 5.5 mph, which is 11:00/mile--I figured that would feel similar to my outdoor MAF pace.

After a few minutes, my heart rate was only in the 120's! So, I bumped up the speed to 6.0 mph (10:00/mile). My heart rate rose to the high 130's, so I increased the speed to 6.2 mph and my heart rate settled around 143. I couldn't believe it. The incline was set to 0%, so it was naturally easier than outside anyway; but I wasn't expecting such a huge difference. It was actually really cool to be able to move my legs faster than outside, but to keep my heart rate where it should be for MAF training.

My Garmin was showing a pace that was much faster than the treadmill showed, so you can ignore that. My pace for the whole run was right around 10:00/mile according to the treadmill.

At an average heart rate of 140, that's pretty great. This doesn't translate to running outdoors very well, so I'm not going to compare it to my outdoor pace. If I continue to use the treadmill through the winter frequently, I'll just compare the pace separately from my outdoor pace comparison.

I get questions pretty frequently about treadmill running; most often, people want to know if they can effectively train for a race on a treadmill. The answer is yes! While it's good to get in some outdoor running so you can get the feel for it before a race, you can get good workouts on the treadmill. The run I did today is a good example--I was able to run at a faster pace while not exceeding my MAF heart rate, because I find the treadmill to feel easier than outdoor running. My leg turnover was faster, so it's kind of like doing speed work (on a smaller scale). In this way, you're able to work your legs harder without feeling like it's harder, if that makes sense.

This weekend has gone by so quickly! I'm working on a project (it's a gift for someone, so I can't post about it just yet) and I spent a lot of time working on it this weekend. I feel like I just blinked and the weekend is over already. I hope everyone has a great week ahead!

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14 Days on the Vegan Challenge

Well, Friends... I lasted 14 days on the vegan challenge.

Going into this challenge, I really didn't think it was going to be very difficult for me--I'm not a huge meat person, and certainly I could go five weeks without dairy or eggs, right? All I can really say is that the experience has been very humbling!

I had good days and bad days over the past couple of weeks. Sometimes, I felt like the challenge was going to be easy; but more often than not, I really struggled.

Today, I was feeling super nauseous, and the only thing that sounded good to me was meat--which is VERY odd, because I never crave meat! I started doubting everything, including my ability to stick to the challenge and see it through to the end.

And ultimately, I decided to quit the challenge today, on Day 14.

I feel kind of like a loser, since I only managed to get through 14 days; but on the other hand, I don't really regret quitting, either. I did my best, and I now have a whole new respect for vegans. I never realized how big a role dairy played in my diet until doing this challenge! A vegan challenge is something I'd been wanting to try for several years, so I'm glad I finally did it. I wish I'd been able to stick to it for the entire five weeks, but at least I tried.

I'm still sticking to the no alcohol challenge with Bonnie, though. She challenged herself to give up bread, so I don't want to let her down ;)

I've been doing well this week with getting in some miles. I ran Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and today. I plan to run tomorrow, too. For a long time, I was running every day except for Wednesdays and Saturdays, and I liked that schedule. I'd like to try and get back to doing that.

It's been COLD here the past couple of days! This morning, it was super cold and windy (with a "real feel" temp of 9 degrees). I don't mind the cold, but when it's cold and windy, I'm out. After I dropped the kids off at school, I went to the rec center to run on the indoor track.

Running on the track is going to make it more difficult to analyze the MAF heart rate and pace data, because I don't know how accurate my Garmin is in measuring distance without satellites. The sign posted at the track says that 12 laps = 1 mile; but whenever I've used my foot pod in there, it's more like 12.5 laps. Also, I don't know which lane they were measuring when they got 12 laps per mile.

Today, I didn't wear my foot pod because the last time I used just the Garmin with the satellites turned off, the distance seemed to be pretty accurate. I started in the inner lane, and when I hit 12 laps, the distance on my watch said 0.94 miles. I tried the outer lane for six laps, and it read that I'd run more than half a mile. Finally, I tried the middle lane, and 12 laps showed as 1 mile on my Garmin. (Not that it really matters; I was just curious.)

I ran about three miles (39 laps). My average heart rate ended up being 144, with a pace of 11:44 per mile. I'm guessing that's pretty accurate, considering my heart rate and pace lately with the MAF training. We're supposed to get 8-12 inches of snow this weekend, so I'll probably be at the track for a few days at least!

I don't have a photo for this post, so I'll just share this screen shot from a Buzzfeed article I read this morning. I was lying in bed at 5:30 today when I read it, and I just laughed and laughed...

Barcode animals. Hahahaha! I love reading funny tweets--some people are just so clever!

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