Stupid glazed carrots

I think I finally understand exactly how important a role exercise plays in reducing stress. It has been three weeks since I've gone for a run, which is the longest I've gone without running in almost 2 years. Even after my jaw surgeries, I was running after about two weeks.

I feel really on-edge and bitchy lately. My body feels really antsy, like I need to be moving or doing something. I don't feel ready to go for a run yet; I feel okay as far as my lower body lift goes, but my knee is still really bothering me. I'm going to give it another week or so, and see how I feel about it then. When I scheduled my surgery, I didn't plan on running again for six weeks; so I really need to stop feeling guilty for not running!

Anyway, I think that the running regularly kept me from feeling this on-edge. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, it was making my body feel used and useful. Now my body just feels like it's good-for-nothing. I don't really know how else to explain it. Hopefully once I start running again, I'll stop being so bitchy!

I've been snapping at Jerry a lot lately for things that are really stupid. Today we got in an argument before he left for work. An argument that started because of glazed carrots, of all things.

I made turkey loaf for dinner, and I decided to make something different than the usual potatoes to go with it. I had a bag of frozen carrots in the freezer for a while, so I decided to make glazed carrots, thinking that the kids would like them because they're sweet and sugary.

Glazed carrots with cranberries...a.k.a. How I tortured my family.

Jerry has never been a fan of vegetables, although he's come a long way since we got married. When I told him I was going to make glazed carrots, he didn't say anything, which I expected. I knew he wouldn't exactly be thrilled with the choice, but he never complains about what I cook.

I thought the carrots turned out good. We all sat down to eat, and the kids immediately started complaining, like they always do. They are NEVER happy with what I cook--today the turkey loaf was "too spicy" and the carrots were "gross". Then, of course, they act like they are gagging and going to throw up. This is a daily routine, no matter what I make. Jerry ate all of his carrots before he even touched his meatloaf, which I know means that he doesn't like them. (He always eats his least favorite thing first, so that he can truly "enjoy" the rest of his meal).

I asked if he liked them, and he said yes. When I was cleaning up after dinner, I asked if he wanted to take the leftover carrots to work with the leftover meatloaf, and he said no. He kept insisting that he liked them, but I'm not stupid! We've been together for 12 years--I should know. I got mad and said "If you don't like them, just TELL ME YOU DON'T LIKE THEM."

So he said, "Fine, I don't like them."  Which just pissed me off. I wasn't mad that he didn't like them, but for two other reasons: 1) He lied the first dozen times, and 2) He made up his mind before he even tried them that he wouldn't like them, just like the kids. All I have to do is tell the kids what I'm making, and they say, "I hate that" when they've never even tried it.

I love to try new things, no matter what they happen to be. Even if it's something I "know" I won't like, I try it anyways. And I'm just mad that my family is the exact opposite, which makes it very difficult when I cook. I want to make new things all the time, but they never like to try new things with an open mind. Jerry insists that I should just make whatever I want, and he'll eat it without complaint, but I feel guilty doing that. I always feel like I need to make something everyone will like. My kids want to live off of pasta with butter and parmesan cheese, nothing else.

Enough about all that.

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Here is a picture I took yesterday and forgot to post. Jerry and Eli rollerskating... love Eli's face! He's still at the age where he's proud to be seen with his parents. Noah avoided us like the plague, because one of his friends was there ;)

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I am writing a post about "the good, the bad, and the ugly" of a lower body lift/circumferential tummy tuck/belt lipectomy/whatever you want to call the surgery I just had. So if any of you have any questions about the surgery, recovery, my surgeon, or anything, feel free to ask!  When I was researching the surgery, I couldn't find any blogs about it. There were a few tummy tuck blogs, but not the full extent of the surgery I had. So I'm hoping to make a post with a ton of info for anyone who might be thinking about the surgery.

I'm still super swollen in my lower abdomen. I'm dying for the swelling to go away, so I can wear my small jeans. Lately, I've been wearing the same jeans I wore before surgery--they fit a lot looser than before, but that makes them more comfortable against my incision.

I can't stop thinking about how glad I am that I had the surgery! I wish I didn't have to wear this compression garment 24/7, because I would probably walk around in my bra and panties, just because I like looking at my belly.  ;)

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And I'll leave you with this picture of Estelle--she's LOVING Christmas!

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Exhaused

What an exhausting day!  My whole body aches right now. I need to keep in mind that I just had a major surgery less than three weeks ago, and I still need to take it easy.

Jerry and I went Christmas shopping all morning and into the afternoon. I hate Christmas shopping! In fact, I'm kind of a grinch because I really dislike Christmas--it's the most stressful time of year, and it costs a fortune. I would love a Christmas that didn't involve gifts at all, but just spending time talking and laughing together with family that I enjoy.

Okay, I just took a break from writing in order to eat dinner, and I'm not as crabby now :)  While we were at the mall, I was DYING to buy a cookie from Mrs. Fields. And not just any old cookie... it was a chocolate chip cookie sandwich, with tons and tons of buttercream frosting sandwiched between the two chocolate chips cookies. I knew that if I ate it, I would obsess about it and keep wanting to go back and get another. That's how my mind works with certain foods, and the Mrs. Fields cookies are one of them. The monster cookie at the top of my blog is another ;)  So I skipped the cookie, but it's been on my mind all day.

After shopping, we went to the roller skating rink so that the boys could skate, and they had a blast. Jerry ended up skating too. I would have if I wasn't worried about falling and screwing up all the work my surgeon just did!

Now we are going to head over to my mom's. My sister is in town, and she brought Christmas presents for the kids, so we're going to celebrate Christmas tonight with her. After that, I plan on doing NOTHING and just sitting around for the night. My body is pretty achy. I quit taking Motrin a few days ago, so I'm not taking anything for pain. I'm not in pain, but just a little sore.

Oh, and since a lot of you were asking how I slept the other night, since I was able to sleep on my stomach after having my drain removed...

I was pretty happy :)  Unfortunately, I'm still not able to sleep well. I'm going to take a sleeping pill tonight to try and get a good night's sleep.

I somehow managed to screw up my knee a few days ago. It feels like runner's knee but SO much worse than I've ever felt before. I wasn't even doing anything--just sitting in the recliner, and when I stood up, my knee was absolutely killing me. I couldn't straighten it, I couldn't bend it, and it constantly felt like it was going to give out on me. After a couple of days, it was feeling a little better, but then it started hurting again. I don't know.

I was planning on running on Monday, but I don't want to if my knee is still bothering me. It figures I would get injured while taking time OFF from running! ;)

I finally finished that afghan for the hospital! I was so happy and relieved to have it done. But it actually feels weird to sit and watch TV without crocheting at the same time.

Anyways, sorry this was such a rushed post. I'll try and come up with something more interesting tomorrow to write about! I hope you're all out enjoying your Saturday night--doing something a little more fun than I am :)

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How many calories did you eat while losing weight?

(Update 7/8/2017: I've written an updated post about this, after getting back to my goal weight via calorie counting in 2015. I would suggest reading that as well.)

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I don't have much to talk about today, so I'll answer a frequently asked question :)

Something that a lot of people ask me is how many calories I ate while I was losing weight. I don't like answering this concretely, because what worked for me may be (and probably will be) different from other people. So please keep that in mind!

I decreased the calories a little as I lost, but it ROUGHLY breaks down to this: when I first started, I was eating probably about 1800 calories per day. Then I cut back a little at a time, and when I reached a "normal" BMI, I was probably eating 1400-1600 per day.

On days that I ran, I would usually eat more--if I ran 6 miles, for example, I would eat about half of the calories I burned on top of my daily calories. So burning 600 calories would allow me to eat 300 + my daily calorie intake.

Now, Sparkpeople suggested that I eat 1200-1550 calories per day, and I tried that. But I was starving and bitchy, and it led to binges. So I experimented for a while with different amounts until I found an amount that allowed me to be satisfied and not feel like I was totally deprived, but still allowed me to lose weight. You just have to experiment to see what is right for you. I was not willing to live on 1200 calories per day forever, so I didn't do it then. That's not much food, and doesn't allow for any indulgences; nobody wants to live that way!

A mistake that I think a lot of people make is to try eating 1200 calories a day, realize that it totally sucks, and then they quit. Instead of quitting, try eating 1600 calories a day and see if you lose weight; or 1800, or 1500...etc. I learned that the all-or-nothing mentality is what made me fail so many times in the past. I followed the plan 100% or not at all--and I would always fail. Once I started to make my own "rules", I learned what I could live with and be happy with.

I feel the same way about Weight Watchers Points. A lot of people think that they shouldn't eat their weekly points or their activity points, in hopes of losing weight faster. But usually what happens is they feel so deprived that they quit instead of just using their extra points. I would suggest using all the points you're allowed and see how it works; at least then you won't feel like you're starving. Even if Weight Watchers recommends that you eat 29 points per day, there is nothing wrong with trying 35 points a day at first and see if you lose weight. You can adjust as needed.

If there is one thing that I learned while losing weight this time around, it's that there isn't a single plan out there that works for everybody. You have to pick and choose from your plan what you are willing to do--not just what you can do to lose the weight, but what you are willing to do forever.

There is no way that I am willing to commit to working out six days a week for the rest of my life--so I chose a number that worked for me. I committed to three days per week (occasionally I do more, when I'm training for a race, but I've only committed to three). Three is do-able for me. Six is not. You don't have to answer to anybody but yourself.

As far as calories go, and what I ate to lose weight... I didn't eat anything that I didn't want to. There are so many different foods out there to choose from that there is no reason that you should force yourself to eat celery sticks and broiled fish (unless you really enjoy those foods, of course!).  For example, I don't like salad; but I do like roasted cauliflower. So I ate what I enjoyed (the cauliflower) and skipped the salad. I was still getting healthy food; but it was food I liked, and not what I felt I "should" be eating.

Something else that I did as part of my daily routine (and still do) is to eat a dessert every single day. Not just fruit, or sugar-free Jello or something like that. I picked an indulgent dessert for about 300 calories, and I set aside those calories at the beginning of the day to make room for them. I ate fairly healthy all day long, trying to get a good variety of foods--only things I enjoyed--and then at night, I would indulge in my dessert that I had planned out ahead of time.

That dessert gave me something to look forward to all day while staying on track. That dessert made it so much easier to say 'no' to tempting foods during the day when I knew I was going to have an awesome treat that night. You don't have to eat only health foods to lose weight. You can work some junk food into your diet... chances are, you're eating a lot of junk food now, so planning on one dessert would actually be cutting back. It was cutting back for me, anyway! ;)

Finally, in order to be successful while counting calories, you have to be honest with yourself. I highly recommend that you measure or weigh your portions (I prefer to weigh)! I can't stress this enough. It's so easy to guesstimate the amount of oatmeal or cereal or something you're going to eat; but when you take the time to weigh it out, you are getting the exact amount that you are counting the calories for. As much of a pain in the ass as it sounds, I actually weighed out, on a food scale, every single thing that I ate.

Some people, however, aren't willing to weigh/measure food--and that's fine! Remember, I said you should only make changes that you're willing to make. Just try to make your best guess and be honest with yourself. You might lose weight a little slower than if you weighed/measured your food, but you'll still be making a conscious effort to eat less calories, and the weight will come off.

Losing weight is a ton of work. If you're expecting it to be easy, you're going to have a much harder time. It takes a lot of time and dedication to weigh your portions, plan your meals, and keep track of your calories. Most people are so disappointed to hear that THIS is how I lost the weight--by putting in a lot of work! But if you're willing to do the work, then you'll definitely see the results.

For the past year, I've been experimenting with "intuitive eating" or "mindful eating" or "normal eating" in order to not have to count calories forever. It's been extremely difficult, but I'm learning a lot about myself and why I eat. I still believe that counting calories is the best way to lose weight at first--for at least 6 months to a year--to get used to smaller portions, having accountability, having structure, getting into a routine, etc.

Ultimately, I would love to be able to eat intuitively and maintain my goal weight though! However, I've accepted that this may not happen, and I'm okay with that.

I hope this is helpful for anyone who is thinking about counting calories. The most important things to remember are: 1) Only eat foods you truly like; 2) You don't have to follow someone else's guidelines--make up your own plan that works for you; and 3) You'll probably have to do some experimenting to see what works--but don't quit!

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No more drains!!

Today was my second post-op appointment from my lower body lift, and I am SO glad to report that my surgeon removed my last drain! She wanted the output to be less than 30 cc's, and it just barely made the cut today. If it wasn't for the smaller compression garment, I doubt that I would have been able to get it out today. Ever since I started wearing it, my drain output decreased a lot.

FREEDOM!!

And speaking of that, today my surgeon told me to get a size XS--I had to laugh, first because I've never worn an XS ANYTHING, and second because I *just* started wearing the small. These garments are going to cost me a fortune! But I'm so happy to have the drains out. I was expecting the drain removal to be excruciatingly painful, but I had four drains and none of them hurt coming out. They just felt very weird, like a snake slithering through my abdomen.

The best part? I can sleep on my stomach now! With the drain in, I was always worried that I was going to roll over and pull the drain out while I was sleeping, so I've been (attempting to) sleep on my back and sides for the past 17 days--and I'm not getting much sleep because I'm so uncomfortable. I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight, I hope :)

I asked the doctor about some concerns I had about the swelling and a couple of spots on the incision that are puckered. She said the puckering is normal and will go away when the internal stitches dissolve. I was worried that my swelling was a seroma because it seems so BIG, but she said it's perfectly normal and it could take 4 months for my stomach to be totally FLAT. She said that it will be flat, though, so I just need some patience. She said a lot of people are upset because they can't fit into their old clothes at first--thankfully I don't have that problem! I would be devastated if I couldn't fit into any of my jeans. So I feel confident that I'm right on track.

The doctor mentioned again that I can start running any time I want to now. I don't know when I'll run again. I was planning on waiting until January--but I feel so good right now that I know I could get back to it soon. I think maybe on Monday (3 weeks post-op) I'll do a very light, easy run and see how I feel. I'm certainly not going to start running like I'm training for a race. 

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Remember the outakes I posted from the video that Sparkpeople asked me to make? Well, they were making an advertisement for Spark, and they used my clip along with some from other people. And I finally get to post it!  Here it is:

I really do love Sparkpeople. I never would have lost all the weight that I did without the tools and resources that they provide. And I've "met" soooo many amazing people! I remember when I first started losing weight, I would browse the site for hours reading about other people's success, and it was very inspiring.

My favorite tool on the site is the Recipe Calculator. There, you can add all the ingredients in a recipe, type in the number of servings, and it will give you the nutrition info per serving. Then you can save that recipe (public or private) to come back to it whenever you need. When you see the nutrition labels on my recipes, the nutrition info was figured on the recipe calculator at Spark. It's a pain at first, to enter all the ingredients for all of your recipes, but once it's done, it's done--you don't have to do it again.

Okay, I'm off to make some turkey burgers for dinner!

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Graham crackers for dinner

My drain output has been decreasing quite a bit since I put on the smaller compression garment--which is good news!  I just hope it's low enough by tomorrow for my surgeon to take it out. I have a post-op appointment tomorrow. It's annoying trying to hide it when I go out. Today I went to Aldi, and this is what it looked like under my shirt:

I had it hanging from a chain around my neck. Then I put a sweatshirt over it, but the sweatshirt still bulged out in front from the drain. (And no, that is NOT a cardboard cut-out, haha--it was funny how many people commented on that last time!)

ETA: Since there appears to be some confusion whether this is my front or my back (lol) the pic is cut off just underneath my bra. So no boobs in this pic ;)

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I did my Wednesday Weigh-In today, and I was very happy to see that I lost a pound this week!

Lost 1 pound from last week

And I took my body fat percentage--I forgot to do this last week, so I don't know how it compares. But it's definitely down quite a bit from recently!

Down 3% body fat since Nov. 2nd

I'm still hesitant to call this weight loss "permanent", but for now, it makes me happy!

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My little brother Nathan called today (the one that was in the Army, not the pilot in Minnesota). He had two tickets to the Red Wings game tonight, but he said he had to go to a funeral, so he asked if Jerry wanted to go with my older brother (the pilot). Jerry was thrilled, and I told him of course he should go! I asked Nathan whose funeral he was going to, and he said that one of his co-workers took his own life.

It always makes me so sad when I hear about suicide. It makes me wonder if someone had done something differently or treated him differently, would the outcome be the same? Nathan said the guy was only about 30 years old, and he never gave any indication that something was wrong. I think about the people in my life (including all of you!) and I would be so devastated if something like that happened.

I can totally empathize with the feeling of being completely hopeless, because I've been there. But, even during my worst bouts of depression, I'm able to keep in mind that it's not forever, and I'll feel better. I just wish that Nathan's co-worker would have known that it would get better for him, too.

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Anyways, I didn't want to make this a depressing entry... so guess what I had for dinner?!

Graham crackers with peanut butter and mini chocolate chips

Since it's just going to be me and the kids for dinner, I made a frozen pizza for them, and I had something that just sounded really damn good.  I've been eating SO.MUCH.PROTEIN. lately, at the request of my surgeon, that I just wanted something that would make my soul happy ;)  I had two salmon fillets for lunch, and a protein shake for breakfast, so I'm sure I got in enough protein today.

It's actually been a LONG time since I've allowed graham crackers in the house. They are a big binge food for me, and I've avoided buying them for that reason. But I'm in a very good place right now, and I am determined not to binge on them. I haven't binged at all since before my surgery--hence the 10 pounds I've lost post-op :)

I'm SO HAPPY to be in the 130's again, that I will do whatever I can to stay here. I'm only 5 pounds away from my goal weight of 133!

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We finally put up our Christmas tree, and Eli loved putting on the decorations. Noah had no interest in it.

I absolutely LOVE the kids handmade ornaments--like the gingerbread man you can see. My mom saved all of mine when I was a kid, and I'm so glad that she did. I'd rather have a homely tree full of handmade ornaments than a pretty tree any day! ;)

The cats immediately picked out their spots:

Can you spot Estelle??  This is 3/4 of the way up the tree.

Chandler and Paolo haven't moved from their spots

Phoebe wasn't interested. Typical.

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What a difference!

After my shower today, I decided to go ahead and put on the size small compression garment that I bought, even though I am feeling anything but 'small' with all this swelling. I was afraid to put it on too soon and stretch it out or something, I don't know.

After I got it on (it looked so TINY, I thought it would never fit), I felt AMAZING. I felt very "compressed" how I am supposed to feel with a compression garment on. It stays up very well, and doesn't get bunched up on the sides. And best of all, it's tight enough that it doesn't slide up and down over my incision, which was a problem with the size medium. Now, I can't even feel my incision , because there is nothing rubbing against it.

This is seriously such a relief!! I'm still swollen, but I feel so much better with this smaller size garment. If any of you are going to get a tummy tuck or lower body lift, I'd highly recommend getting a size smaller than you think you need. I was told to use my pre-op measurements to pick a size, and my hips were 37". The size medium was for 37-39", so I ordered the correct size, but all of my excess skin was sitting around my hips--and now that it's gone, I definitely needed the smaller size. I should have just asked my doctor before ordering, because when I gave her the garment before surgery, she said it might be too big.

Anyways, I am in a MUCH better mood because of this! The only problem is that I only have one of the small garments, and two medium. I'd been alternating the medium ones every day (so that I could wash them). Now I'll probably wear the small all day, and wear the medium while I'm sleeping, allowing the small to dry overnight.

I had Jerry take some more comparison pictures today, and I think I'm ready to show you my backside ;)  My lower back is VERY bruised, but it doesn't hurt at all. The reason it's bruised is because she did a small amount of liposuction there--it's almost as swollen as my front, but I can see an AMAZING difference in my ass! lol

My butt isn't really crooked, it just looks that way because I am numb and I can't feel if my undies are on right! (I can't believe I just posted a picture of my butt on the internet. I've come a looong way as far as my confidence and shyness!)

I am SO SO SO glad that I opted for the lower body lift instead of just the tummy tuck. My belly doesn't really look much different today than the last pic, but here is a new comparison:

Look at how SMOOTH my silhouette is! I love my hips. The lower body lift technically doesn't address thighs, but even my thighs look so much tighter.  It's unfathomable to me that there is only a 15 day difference in these pictures.

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Jerry is off work today, so he's been waiting on me hand and foot in order to let me rest--and hopefully get the swelling down a little. I spent the morning crocheting an afghan that I volunteered to make back in October. At my dad's birthday party, I saw a family friend who is a nurse. She is on a mission to give out a handmade afghan to every single patient in the hospital on Christmas Day. Naturally, I said, "I can make one!"

Well, you all know how busy I've been the past month or so with The Dr. Oz Show and my surgery! So for the past week, I've been making it a goal to crochet at LEAST two rounds a day--which doesn't sound like a lot, but the bigger the blanket gets, the longer it takes to crochet a round. Here is what it looks like so far--I have about 10 rounds to go...

I didn't choose the colors. She just gave me the yarn and told me to use whatever pattern I wanted. So I just did a rectangular granny square. I will be so relieved when it's done! I hate to crochet or knit under pressure.

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Yay! I just got the Hood to Coast movie in the mail :)  Michelle (very generously) gave me a gift card for Amazon after my surgery, so this is what I ended up ordering. Something I've been DYING to see since last winter!

I'm going to invite my runner friends over for wine and a viewing.  This movie only had ONE public showing (I believe it was in January), and I bought tickets to go with my friend Evie.

Well, we had a huge snowstorm that night, so we didn't get to go... and since there weren't any more showings, we had to wait until it came out on DVD. But this isn't something you can find at a Redbox--I think you have to buy it. So now I have it, and I'm excited to watch it!

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana

I ran some errands today, and was feeling pretty good... until I got home and noticed that the drain in my abdomen was clogged, and the stuff that normally would come out through the drain actually came out through the incision for the drain. I had a piece of gauze there for that reason, but it soaked through the gauze and there was a spot on the front of my jeans. Frickin' awesome.

I was able to clear the clog in the tube, so it is working fine again. But I am swollen as fuck right now. I hate this! I think THIS must be the low point that my surgeon was telling me about; that I would feel annoyed and depressed about this.

I think I felt better in this horrid picture than I do right now. Of course, it may have been the Dilaudid.

My lower abdomen is swollen enough that I look pregnant. Not hugely pregnant, but it looks like a baby bump or something. I know that it's normal, and I know that it could take 3-4 months for the swelling to go down, but I want it NOW. I want to look normal NOW.

Insert Jerry saying in a sing-song voice: "Someone call the waaaaaaambulance for poor Katie!"

I know I'm being whiny and pouty. I guess I just expected the swelling to be similar to the swelling from my jaw surgery--it was HORRIBLE the day of surgery, but kept decreasing, and then by two weeks later, the swelling was gone.

The lower body lift was the complete opposite. I saw my tiny little tummy after surgery, and the first week I thought how lucky I was that I didn't swell up. The second week I swelled up huge! Tomorrow I'm going to eat as little sodium as possible and drink tons of water; and I'm going to rest, preferably on my back, all day. Hopefully that will make me feel a little better.

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Anyway, time flies like an arrow... Or in this case, a sweet potato.

For the past couple of days, I've noticed some fruit flies in my house. Usually when I notice a fruit fly, I just have to take out the garbage or maybe throw away some too-ripe bananas. But I have no fruit on my counters, the kitchen is (fairly) clean, and the problem wasn't coming from the garbage.

When I went in the pantry, I saw more fruit flies, so I assumed they were there for the empty cans and bottles from Jerry's beer. I made a point to tell Jerry to take the bottles back for the deposit refund.

Then today, I walked in to the pantry and noticed a bad smell. I checked the potatoes that I keep in a brown paper bag, and they were fine. I couldn't think of what it would be inside the pantry, so I started looking around on the shelves. I stopped moving for a couple of minutes to see if I could see where the fruit flies were coming from, and I noticed a white plastic grocery bag on the bottom shelf.

I opened it up and there were fruit flies all over the place. There were three sweet potatoes in the bag--and I cannot tell you the last time I bought sweet potatoes! One of them was completely rotten, and liquified. I was going to rush it outside to the garbage, but of course I had to stop myself and take a picture--because I have no other pictures for the blog today ;)

Yum!

So disgusting. Please tell me I'm not the only one that finds disgusting old food in my house...?  One time I found a stick of margarine in a cupboard--THAT was the most rancid, disgusting smell I've ever come across!!  And I won't even mention all the sippy cups half-full of milk that we found days weeks months after the boys found a good hiding place for them. *Gag*

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I bought some more flea stuff for the cats today. After I gave them those pills, the fleas were gone for a few days, but then they were back. I've always had them on Frontline for flea control, but it quit working about 3 months ago--I have no idea why. So today I bought Advantage and more pills. The pills kill adult fleas within an hour. The Advantage is to kill the eggs and larvae and all that. I really hope this works. We still have Paolo, so I had to buy treatment for all four cats.  $$$

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Things I'm looking forward to

My drain output is very slowly decreasing--but at least it's decreasing. Today the color of it was a lot lighter, which is also a good sign. I have a post-op appointment this Thursday, regardless of what the drain is doing.

As annoyed as I am about the drain, it definitely beats getting it out too early and winding up with a seroma--that's a pocket of fluid that the body doesn't absorb and it has to be aspirated with a needle. The drain isn't painful at all, it just gets in the way. And I really want to sleep on my stomach, but I'm afraid to with the drain there. My doctor said sleeping on my stomach is fine, if I'm comfortable.

Some of you asked if the swelling or incision is painful right now--it's not at all! It definitely looks like it should be hurting, but I'm numb all the way around. Even my ab muscles don't hurt much anymore. This surgery was MUCH less painful than my jaw surgeries, and the healing time much faster.

There are so many things that I'm looking forward to, based on the outcome of my surgery:

-Wearing tight jeans with fitted tops, and not having the muffin hang over.
-Spending a Victoria's Secret gift card that I've had for over a year.
-Having sex (I wonder if it will feel different?)
-Not having to "suck it in" for pictures.
-Not constantly tugging my shirt down, for fear of someone catching a glimpse of my belly.
-Wearing cute lingerie, and not feeling gross because of my belly.
-Not having to wear Spanx under a dress.
-Not feeling embarrassed to undress in front of friends.
-Going for a run without getting a rash under my "apron".
-Wearing low-cut jeans and workout pants.
-Wearing my "goal jeans". 

I'm sure there are more, but that is what I can come up with right now. It's going to feel so liberating! All of those reasons sound so vain, but I've honestly never experienced a flat stomach before. Even when I was a very young child, I had a round belly. My sister totally hogged the flat-belly gene in our family... her weight has gone up and down over the years, but her stomach remains as FLAT as can be!

I remember the first time Jerry saw me naked-- it was a few weeks after we started dating on our wedding night  ;)  --I was SO WORRIED that he was going to run screaming when he saw my stomach. He obviously didn't. But he later learned how self-conscious I was of it, and I've ALWAYS said that "when I get to my goal weight, I'm going to get a tummy tuck!" I just can't believe it actually happened!

I can probably do some of those things on the list as soon as I get this drain removed. I will have to wear the compression garment for 24/7 until the six-week post-op mark, so I won't really feel healed until then, though. I wish I had more patience ;)

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Renee to the rescue!

This morning, I was sitting in the recliner that I've grown to hate over the last 12 days, crocheting an afghan, when I got a text from Renee. She asked if I wanted to go shopping with her. I said yes right away, knowing that I would feel much better if I got out of the house.

I took a shower and dried my hair, then put on make-up--which I haven't worn since before my surgery--and dressed in jeans (my big "fat day" jeans, for comfort) and a sweatshirt. I managed to hook my drain to a chain around my neck and it rested just under my boobs. Hopefully it wasn't noticeable, it just made me look like I had a bigger belly.

I drove over to Renee's and she drove us to the stores. We went to Hobby Lobby first, where I got some more key rings for Gockets. Then we got a coffee (tea for me) to go and headed to the mall. I bought some more egg protein powder at the vitamin store, and a couple of calendars. It felt SO GOOD to get out of the house, and I was surprisingly energetic. Much more so than I have been post-op.  I'm so grateful that Renee asked me to go, it was just what I needed today!

On the way home I stopped at Kroger for a few things that we needed, then I picked up my boys from my parents' house. I brought them home for a few hours, and they were very well behaved. They're spending the night one more night (tonight) and then they'll probably stay here all week. Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. Mentally, I'm still pretty irritated with the swelling and drain (which is still putting out too much to get removed, but it's starting to decrease now). To give you an idea of how bad the swelling is now on Day 12 post-op (versus Day 2 post-op):

Almost no swelling on Day 2

Like a water balloon on Day 12!

My doctor and all the people on the tummy tuck message boards swear that the swelling goes away and my belly will be super flat--but looking at it here makes me feel so discouraged.  My stretch marks look worse, too, but I think that's because I took the pic myself and the camera was VERY close to my belly this time. I am happy with how my belly button is shaping up--it looks very natural and not like those perfectly round, super tiny little belly buttons that some woman have post-tummy tuck. But I've read that belly buttons change shape and size in the months post-op, too.

I was really tempted not to post pictures of the "bad" parts of the surgery, because I don't want to discourage anyone from getting it (or embarrass myself by posting the 'ugly' pics!). But I do want to have a very honest account of it all--good and bad--so that you know what you're getting into, should you get surgery. When I was researching the surgery, it was VERY hard to find any blogs that went into any kind of detail about what to expect.

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My mom came over and told me my dad brought me something from Canada. As soon as she said "from Canada" I knew what it was!

These candy bars are AWESOME and we can only find them in Canada. We live pretty close to the border, so whenever one of my family members goes to Canada, they stock up and share the wealth at home :)  Each package has two bars (195 calories each bar); I'll let Jerry have one package, so this will be my dessert for the next two days. I LOVE Coffee Crisps!!

My mom said she didn't want to "tempt" me, but you can't wave a Coffee Crisp in front of me and ask me if I want it! The answer will ALWAYS be yes. So I just have to work it into my diet, like I do with everything else.

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Ready to be healed

Today was a VERY frustrating day for me. My belly is really swollen today--the most swollen it's been since my surgery. I've been meticulously recording my drain output, hoping to get the last drain removed today, but it's still putting out 50-60 cc's every 24 hours. My doctor said it has to be less than 30 cc's, and then I can go get the drain removed. So now I have to wait until Monday, at the earliest.

My doctor warned me that the next couple of weeks are the worst to handle (mentally). That I would feel annoyed and depressed and regret the surgery, because I'll just want to "feel like a normal person" again. She was totally right. I don't regret the surgery at ALL, but I'm SO SICK of taking care of the stupid drain, and being afraid to even touch my incision; not being able to wear jeans because my hip bones are super sensitive, and the jeans rub my incision; having to wear big, baggy clothes; having to eat tons of protein when I don't want to; sitting in the recliner all damn day; and not being able to sleep on my stomach.

I know that this is all just temporary, but I am dying to just go back to normal. Jerry wanted to go Christmas shopping tonight, but I really don't want to go anywhere with this stupid drain. I thought I had lucked out with the swelling, because it hasn't been bad at all--but right now I realize why people complain about swelling after this surgery!

I did go to the mailbox, and was excited to find a package from Czesia! She celebrated her one-year blog anniversary with a (self-funded) giveaway. I received a "girly" package, which couldn't have arrived on a better day!

Cleverly wrapped up in a cute kitchen apron

Earrings (for my blue Dr. Oz dress!), eyeshadow, soaps, aromatherapy things, a ring, and...

This flower for my hair (I forgot it was in my hair when I took the pic of all the goodies)

LOVE the ring!!

Czesia said she picked the sparrow on the ring because it represents strength--to show how strong I am! ;)  I'll take a pic of me in the apron when I'm having a better day. Right now I just feel gross. I love everything, though, and like I said--great timing for my bad day!!

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