July 11, 2020

My Resignation as a Cross Country Coach


I'm heartbroken right now to say that today, I resigned from coaching cross country.

In 2015, my good friend Renee and I started a cross country team for kids who were too young to join the school's team. Renee is actually the friend who got me started running way back in 2010!

We wanted to make a team so that kids could learn about running early on. When I was in school, I didn't even know what cross country was until I was halfway through high school! We thought it would be great for kids to learn about running before they had to make decisions about sports in middle school or high school.

I've loved coaching through the last several years. There are some times that I felt super stressed by it, but it was ALWAYS worth it to see the kids' excitement and watch their self-confidence grow throughout the season. (I'm a volunteer coach, so it's not a paid position.)



I've always put my heart and soul into coaching these kids. I spent a lot of my own money to make practices creative and fun. I spent way too much time entering their times on spreadsheets to show them how much they've improved. I developed award systems to inspire them to run more.



Last year, Renee accepted a teaching job and wasn't able to coach with me. I was super nervous to do it by myself, but I managed. And it went well! I missed her company, but I was able to really become more outspoken and step out of my comfort zone.

This year, Renee said she'd be able to coach again, and I was thrilled. It was always fun to coach with her! We'd always held our first practice of the season in mid-August. Because the kids we coach are young (3rd-5th grade), there isn't any reason to start conditioning in the spring for the fall season. Our team was just about getting kids to learn about and have fun running.


Last year, I felt some pressure to start practices early, so I started them in early July. This was pretty stressful for me, but the middle schoolers start early in the year and a couple of the parents were pressuring me to start early. So I did.

I was getting pressured again this year to start practices early. Then I learned that some of the kids from my team were going to the middle school practices, and that wasn't cool for the middle school coach (not her fault--she was very unfairly taken advantage of). We agreed that our teams needed to practice separately, and everything was fine.

Renee and I decided on August 10th to be our first practice this year, and I wrote it in our team's Facebook group. I even took the time to write up a modified version of my Cookies Summer Challenge to hold the kids over until practices start.

Within the hour, the two parents that had been pressuring me to start early had started a new Facebook group and recruited the kids from my team to join their new "running club". They chose the same location for practices that I had used and had even requested money for practices and to buy "incentives" for the kids.

In a nutshell, they unofficially took my team and coaching position, pushing me out of the picture because I wasn't going to start practice until August. I was completely blindsided by the whole thing.

Today, things just continued to get worse. I wish I could write out all the details here, but I've probably written too much already. I'm just so angry and upset about everything. Our team has always worked great! Until now.

So far, the school hasn't stepped in--which surprises me, because this new "club" is using the school's logo--so I don't know what is going to happen with that. Worst case scenario, they'll just have to change the logo so they aren't affiliated with the school. But something that really bothers me is that they used our team's private Facebook page to recruit the kids to their new club, even making it look like it was okay'ed by myself and the school.

I was very hurt that after all I'd done for their kids--which was a lot--they would do this. I thought about it all last night and today. I ultimately decided that I would resign from coaching. Cross country isn't supposed to be full of drama (which it has been since this started) and I don't want that. I just want to coach kids and get them excited about running.

The saddest part about this to me is that the kids are caught in the middle of the drama. The kids LOVED cross country last year (especially thanks to many of your donations for rewards!).

There is so much more I wish I could write about to explain this in detail, but I can't right now because of the people involved. But trust me when I say that I don't think that my resignation is an overreaction.

Renee is still going to coach anyone that wants to join the official school team, and the kids have always loved her (she's a substitute teacher, so they know her well). I know they'll have a good season. (There may not even be a season because of COVID--who knows?)

But after the betrayal I felt, I think it's just time for me to move on. Maybe I'll use this fall to really try to focus on ME and getting myself back to feeling my best. Cross country has always taken so much time and energy that it's all I think about during the season. It's just a shame it had to end this way.


19 comments:

  1. Oh Katie so sorry to hear this. From reading about your coaching I knew you loved it. Dont doubt your choice though. It sounds like you went with what is best for your well being and heart. You are amazing and caring and it is a bummer that others choices affected you. Keep your head up!

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  2. Wow... I'm really sorry that happened :( That's so not cool:( I'm glad you made the right decision for you. That was so rude of them to do that:/

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  3. So, so sorry this happened to you, Katie!

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  4. Sorry this happened, hope you are okay.

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  5. I’m so sorry Katie that you are going through this! Please remember that you can’t be responsible for other people’s drama. Take care of yourself. Hugs!

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  6. Katie, So sorry to hear about this. It was really clear from your posts how much you enjoyed coaching, and how much of yourself you gave to the kiddos. Be proud of yourself and take care of you - you deserve it!

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  7. Well that sucks! Some people can be so freaking rude!! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Too much drama!! Glad you are doing what is best for you!

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  8. I'm so sorry to hear your coaching position came to an end this way :( "No good deed goes unpunished" as they say...sigh. I was always so impressed by how much thought and effort went into your coaching and somehow totally missed up until this point that it was all voluntary! I'm not a parent myself (just an obsessed auntie of two nephews!), but if I were, I'd be sooo grateful for all the work you put in for the kids. Glad you are re-framing this as an opportunity to focus on your well-being, though.

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  9. Sorry Katie. Looks like a case of someone being successful doing something and others immediately assume that is easy.They have no clue the work you put in to make it what it was. Let them have it for now. Probably after a short while they will realize how much work it is and give it up again and then you could always step back in it. Hang tight and just wait patiently.

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  10. I'm sorry this happened, the students who enjoyed the team you built unfortunately will miss out. You have shown such resilience over the years, I'm sure you'll find some good alternatives. Hang in there.

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  11. Oh gosh, very sorry to hear all that. I have been involved in many volunteer activities over the years, and occasionally there is some very hurtful drama. I think it is because in the volunteer world there are not carefully defined boundaries and occasionally someone steps in and just does what they want. Sounds like you are doing the right thing - taking the opportunity to make a fresh start. There are many ways you can contribute to the world, and maybe there is something different waiting for you. Wonderful that you were there for those kids for the last 10 years. FYI, my name is Pamela, and I can't figure out how to get my name posted in my profile. I'm a big fan of the blog :)

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  12. Well, that sucks. You had done a great job getting the team going and running it while you did. Those pushy parents are probably just that, pushing their kids as it's not about the kids, it's about the parents egos. Take the time to relax and focus on you and your family. With Covid, you don't know what will be happening in the future.

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  13. I'm just going to keep it simple and say that totally sucks. I would've retired as well. You don't deserve any of that kind of 90210/high school drama.

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  14. Goodness. This sounds so hurtful and unfair. I'm so sorry and yes. Time to refocus on you. Sending hugs.

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear. It sounds like you did a lot of great things for those kids! You have so much to be proud of from the time you worked with them. You've likely built up a love of running in kids who otherwise wouldn't have thought to try it :)

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  16. Where there are people, there are problems. We’re going through this with our tiny swim team (16 kids total). I feel for you. :(

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  17. Someone always has to ruin a good thing. That was a pretty crappy thing for them to do and I'm sorry you had to deal with it. I work with kids and I've had to handle some pretty intense parents too--it's not easy. You didn't deserve that at all, but it sounds like you made the right decision given the situation you were put in.

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  18. Could it be there is more to their underhanded motives than an early start and these “adults” don’t have the backbone or emotional maturity to address their real issues with you face to face? I’m sorry you are experiencing this betrayal and feel forced to resign. But what God has for you is for you. A closed door may mean He has something better for you. Use this unfortunate loss to learn and grow and continue in your journey to become a better you. Know that you have sown good seeds in the lives of the kids you coached.

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  19. I'm so sorry to hear this. But I'm glad that you can focus on you this fall.

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