Let me just start off by saying that this past week was the worst week I've had since I started counting calories 37 weeks ago--yikes! (I don't mean the "worst" as in weight gain, but more of how difficult it was.)
I didn't binge; but like I wrote yesterday, I was just lacking all sorts of motivation this week. Eating, running, blogging, all of it. I only got in my step goal five times (and there wasn't a good reason to not get in the steps on the other two days); I only wrote a couple of blog posts, mainly because nothing was happening and I just didn't feel like writing; I didn't try any new recipes; and my eating was totally out of the norm (again, for no real reason). Sometimes, I'll have a bad run for no particular reason; so I think maybe this is similar, in that I just had a bad week in general.
I could even see that my weight was up a bit, but I just didn't care. I don't feel like the lack of motivation was a permanent thing (hopefully this week will be better), but it was definitely a rough week. And it showed up on the scale today (although not as bad as I imagined it would be):
I was 128.2, so I was up 1 pound from last week. Not a huge gain, but those pounds do add up over time! (Also, I'm not being hard on myself--I'm just stating the facts.) Today has been a great day, so hopefully my funk from last week is over. I've been thinking about what happened, and here are my thoughts:
After my 10K was over, I felt an enormous sense of relief. I had set a near-impossible goal and I reached it--yay! But it took a huge toll on me mentally. I was so completely focused on that goal that when it was over, I felt kind of lost. I think that contributed to the lack of motivation I felt all week. Without a big goal in front of me, I just didn't really feel the drive to continue what I'd been doing.
In Seattle, I did the cupcake crawl with Laurel, and I absolutely loved that. When I got home, however, I thought I'd better try to cut back on the sugar because I'd eaten so much sugar in Seattle. I *knew* that "cutting back" was a mistake, but I still did it. Whenever I try to cut back on or cut out anything at all, it either makes me binge or I lose control somewhere else. I managed not to binge (barely), but this week was the most difficult week I've had, and I certainly strayed from my normal eating patterns.
When I saw the gain on the scale last week, I wasn't bothered in the slightest--I'd gone on a very fun vacation, and it was worth a 3.2-pound gain on the scale. But again, I decided I should try to cut back in order to take that weight back off, and it messed with my head. The lesson I learned this week is that I need to just keep doing what I was doing all along, and my weight will adjust and fall where it wants to. The most important thing to me is to keep peace with food, and I didn't have that this past week. Instead, I felt stressed about food.
This coming week, I am not even going to worry about losing any weight (I'm still 5 pounds under my goal weight anyway); instead, I'm going to focus on getting back to that peaceful place with food. Eating whatever I want, not trying to cut back on anything, and maintaining balance. For 36 weeks, I wasn't worried about food at all, and I felt good about it; then this past week, it was like I turned into the "old me" on Weight Watchers, trying to make up for the gain on the scale, and allowing it to stress me out.
As far as the motivation goes, I really want to come up with a goal that gets me excited, like the 10K goal did. I haven't quite figured out what that will be, though. Lori mentioned on yesterday's post that maybe I could come up with a biking goal instead of running, and I like that idea--although I have no idea what kind of goal that would be. Maybe I could try to bike a certain mileage through the summer? Or slowly work my way up to being able to bike a "century" ride (100 miles)? The most I've ever ridden in one day is 30 miles, so that would be a pretty big challenge--but that's exactly what I'm looking for. I want it to be very challenging--even borderline-impossible ;) (Triathlons are out--I just don't have any interest in them.)
I'm going to think about it some more, and put together a plan this week--regardless of what I decide for my next big goal. I just want a new focus to keep me motivated!