Today marks Day 7 of counting calories again. I can't believe I made it a whole week with out a binge! It's been a looong time since that has happened. Probably since September or October. I'm started to feel that urge to keep going strong and I'm hoping I get the "nothing can stop me now!" attitude that I had when I lost all the weight. I still don't feel confident enough to keep certain foods in the house (chocolate chips, marshmallow fluff, Dove Promises, frozen yogurt, etc). I'll get to that point again though, hopefully.
Today, once again, I started thinking about getting a monster cookie.
But I kept thinking about how guilty I would feel for eating it, even if I worked it into my calories for the day. So I decided to think of a treat that I could have that wouldn't make me feel guilty, but I could still indulge in. And I decided to go to a bakery and buy a good quality cookie. Not Mrs. Fields, because that is too 'binge-like' for me. I went to a local bakery instead and asked what their most popular cookie was, and she said chocolate chip. So I decided to get that. I weighed it when I got home, and it was 3.3 oz. According to Sparkpeople, that would be 460 calories of yummy butter, sugar, flour, and chocolate.
My husband said something today that really made me stop and think. I was whining, naming off all the reasons why I hate counting calories and measuring food, and I should just eat whatever I want and screw the goal of getting to 126. He told me, "Do you realize that you're looking for reasons to binge? Quit looking for reasons TO binge, and start looking for reasons NOT TO binge."
Well duh. That's such simple advice, but it makes so much sense! I realized that I really was looking for reasons to binge. So now, hopefully I'll be more conscious of it when I start to have thoughts like that, and I can change my thinking.
I feel like all I've been blogging about for the whole week is bingeing. I think it's just a really hard time for me right now because I'm just getting back on track and all I can think about is food. I will come up with other things to write about. But this really goes to show that losing the weight means you won't still struggle every day to maintain it. I've been at this for 20 months and look how much I struggle!
I made pita pizza for dinner tonight. My family does "Pizza Fridays" and usually I make a homemade whole wheat crust, but lately I've been into using pitas for a crust. The pitas I bought were HUGE (probably 9 inches in diameter?) and super thin--and only 138 calories each. My very very very favorite pizza topping is feta cheese and green peppers. My husband (normally a meat-lovers guy all the way) is now hooked on that combo too. He actually would rather have that than meat on his pizza now. I buy fat free feta, and it's only 35 calories per ounce (mozzarella is 80 calories per ounce!) So I use 1/4 cup pizza sauce, generous sprinkle of garlic powder, 1/2 ounce of mozzarella + 1 oz fat free feta + 2 tsp. parmesan. Then top with the green peppers. It is the. best. pizza. EVER. (It looks small in the pic, but it's literally the size of a small pizza from a pizza shop)
I was just entering my food into Sparkpeople, and when I added the turkey for the turkey sandwich I made, I was shocked at the sodium. When I glanced at the label, it said '340 mg' for the sodium. But that was for ONE slice, and I used THREE slices on my sandwich--along with a piece of cheese (more sodium) and mustard (even more). Yikes! I won't be having that for lunch again. I'm just sick of all my 'usual' lunches. I need some new ideas that don't involve processed meat.
Today's food log:
Bran flakes with almond milk and blueberries (128)
coffee with cream (25)
turkey sandwich (223)
apple with salt (63)
roasted cauliflower (29)
pita pizza (255)
roasted cauliflower (29)
pineapple fluff (181)
chocolate chip cookie (460)
none scheduled today
Total calories eaten: 1391